Original subtitles

- (cell phones ringing) - Oh, no!

- Oh, no! - Oh, yes! Finally, my phone

is working again... Oh, no!

Did you guys see this e-vite to Steph's potluck dinner party?

- Sounds like fun. - No, Beckett, no!

Stephanie's her parties are crazy in all the wrong ways. She... Oh!

- Good morning, everybody! - (all calling greetings)

- Wow! - Looking good!

You go work hard and be awesome!

- Love you. - See you soon, man!

She once hosted a murder mystery party

where a gentleman actually died.

Guys, it's not that bad.

- (murmuring skeptically) - (elevator dinging)

Hey slackers, why hasn't anyone RSVP'd to my e-vite yet?

- It's been 48 seconds. - You're right.

I'll just send a reminder.

- (cell phones ringing) - Oh, man!

- (theme music playing) - Come on, fill the lens

With all your friends

Oh, now is forever

Come on, fill the lens

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

(door opening)

- Hey, Dave, how are ya? - Hey, I'm good. You?

Good, good, good, good. Listen,

I couldn't help but notice that you also signed up

to bring lasagna to Stephanie's dinner.

- Indeed I did. - Small problem,

but that's kinda my thing. You see,

I'm pretty psyched for people to try it. Why else

would I go to one of Stephanie's awful parties, right?

Oh I don't know, maybe because she's a friend, a colleague...

My daughter?

Nah, I don't care about any of those things.

- No? - No. I'm just looking forward

to seeing the looks on people's faces

when they first taste perfection.

You know, I've never really noticed anyone's expression

when they're eating my lasagna. They're usually just too busy

shoving it into their mouths.

Dave, I'm sure your lasagna is very tasty

in a high-school cafeteria kind of way,

but hey, look, I hear buns are still available to bring.

Aw, thanks, but I think I'm gonna stick with lasagna,

'cause it's Stephanie's favourite comfort food

and she's going to need it when her party goes to hell.

You're gonna pull rank and make me bring some mayo-soaked

- spinach dip in a bread bowl? - No, no!

Make your lasagna. We'll let the people decide

- which one they like better. - You know, I come to you

like a man, with a reasonable offer

and you insult me with two lasagnas?

This meeting is over, Dave.

Well, if you have no confidence in your cooking...

(crumpling paper)

Two lasagnas it is.

Oh, Bryce!

Have you filled that dishwasher position yet?

No, not yet.

I think my standards may be too high.

I'll take "MBA or above" off the listing.

Oh, well that's perfect timing,

because you can interview my half-brother Ian.

No problem. Have him send me along a resume with references...

- Or you can meet him right now. - Oh!

OK, Bryce, this is Ian.

Ian, this is Bryce. Have fun.

- Hello, Ian. - Hey, up top.

Oh!

(chuckling uncomfortably) Do you have a resume?

A resume for a dishwasher job?

I have two arms!

Do you have any restaurant experience?

Tons. In fact,

I'm experiencing a restaurant right now.

Why would you say that you want to be a dishwasher?

I don't. I'm more of an entrepreneur.

I'm just waiting for this big deal to close.

And what kind of business would that be?

- Baked goods. - Ah...

Well, what we're really looking for is someone with

a zeal for cleaning food off of strangers' plates,

but thank you for coming in and good luck with your baking.

Hey, no hard feelings. Hey, here.

Free sample.

Oh, thank you very much.

A little unsolicited advice -

this appears to be on the small side.

Uh, I wouldn't eat the whole thing all at once.

Right, I wouldn't want to spoil my appetite.

I think you'll find it has the opposite effect.

- Hey, Gordo! - Hey!

It's pretty funny that you were the one chosen to do my peer review,

considering just this morning I had to explain

to you how to read the new bus schedule.

Ha ha! Have a seat, I only have a few questions, shouldn't take long.

Come on, Gordon, you always just give everyone 100.

So, 100. That was easy, I'm going for lunch!

Ha ha ha! Question one...

- What is it that you do here? - We're really doing this, huh?

I am an account manager.

- But that's my job. - I'm surprised by this every day.

- (laughing) - OK...

And how do you pronounce your name?

- ...Beckett. - Interesting!

- Yup, yup. - Good conduct,

- general appearance... - What? That's not on there.

I added some. OK...

- Carry the 3... - Oh, come on!

It can't be that hard to write down a one and two zeroes.

- Ba, Ba, Ba... - Alright!

And... here you go.

Thank you...

95? What happened to the other 5?

You tell me.

I would have given you a perfect score,

but let's be honest, you're kind of too serious.

In this business a little levity is needed,

- and you're just not a fun guy. - I'm a super fun guy!

I'm so fun! They call me Mr. Fun!

Remember when I walked in? Called you Gordo. That was pretty fun.

Minus one for thinking calling me Gordo is fun.

It's my given name.

Stephanie, can I talk to you for a second?

All right, let's hear it.

Hear what?

The excuse you've prepared to back out of my dinner party.

- No, I can't wait to go! - But you do have that

work emergency and will be unable to attend.

No, I don't. I just wanted to see if you needed any extra serving dishes.

I've got it all covered. Thank you, Dad.

I'm sorry, sir, I thought you wanted to

avoid this party like the plague it surely will be.

No, it will not be, because this time she's going to have

someone at her side seeing to her every need.

- Who? ...Me? - You.

I want you to do for Stephanie for one night what you do

for me every waking

and sometimes - disturbingly. Sleeping moment.

Love her unconditionally and check for changing moles?

- Be her assistant. - Anything to protect the Lyons pride.

- Aw... - Oh! Oh, sir,

- that freckle on your neck, that's new. - Bryce, this is not mole time!

Hey, is that Ian?

Hey man, last time I saw you,

- you were on the news. - That was a crazy week!

Morning, guys!

Went to the farmer's market first thing,

got all the finest ingredients. I got my cheese,

I got my tomatoes, I got my peppers, I got my mushrooms.

Muah! Hey, you're not the only one ready for the party.

I got my party games, I got my magic tricks,

I got my puppets.

Is this a kids' party?

Because if they need a clown, I'm in the guild.

Ha ha! I think it's really sweet

that you guys are going all out like this for Steph.

I'm not doing this for Stephanie. I'm doing this to kick Dave's lasagna butt.

Yeah, and I'm doing this to show Gordon I'm fun. Get this:

Gordon doesn't think I'm fun. That's crazy, right? I'm fun.

- Ah, you say that but... - No, you're fun... ish.

- I think you're fun. - Thank you.

- You're Nelson, right? - Nope. No.

(knocking on door)

Uh, coming!

Bryce! What are you doing here? The party isn't for two hours.

I was just going to go take a nap.

Tonight, I am yours. Do with me as you wish.

Huh?

Your father asked me to assist you.

Oh... Oh, well don't worry about that,

- I want you to have fun. - I came prepared to do both.

Business in front, party in the back.

Yeah, rock and roll!

Alright, I accept your offer.

Excellent. Well then, why don't you go ahead and take that nap?

I'll get everything ready for the party.

Thank you, Bryce, and help yourself to any snacks.

Oh, nonsense; those are for your guests.

- I brought my own. - OK.

Hello, petite treat.

Hmm! "Don't eat the whole thing."

I hope it doesn't go straight to my hips. Hmm...

Oh... Oh!

Beckett! Beckett! BECKETT!

What? What's wrong?

This isn't the right cheese. Dave must have gotten to them.

- Gotten to who? - The farmers!

They gave me the wrong stuff at the market on purpose!

This is a lasagna conspiracy!

You say everything is a lasagna conspiracy.

No, no, listen: I asked for farm fresh cheese.

This... (sniffing)

It smells like it was made three days ago in a city by some clerk!

- What's the difference? - Are you serious right now?

Why does everybody keep saying that?

Ha! I'm not serious. I am not serious.

Would a serious guy pick Gordon up in a hot tub limo? I don't think so!

Wow, Gordon's really gotten to you, huh?

Alright, I got to go, I'll see you at the party.

Where are you going?

I'm going to go find a buffalo AND MILK IT!

Hello?

Hello?

HELLO?

- Bryce! - Oh!

- Hello. - What are you doing?

You were supposed to wake me up an hour ago.

I can feel my hair growing.

My fingertips look like

ten little mes!

(giggling) Ahh!

What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you, hmm?

- (knocking on door) - Bryce, they're here!

Dun, dun, dun

- Abby! Hi! - Hi!

- And... stranger? - Oh, yeah, Steph,

this is my half-brother Ian.

Very nice to meet you. Abby's told me so little about you.

Oh, thanks for asking. Uh, we have the same moms,

we do not talk about our dads ever,

and I'm in sales.

Retail, door-to-door, phone?

No, no, no, I get to work from my van.

OK, well, thank you for the block of butter.

(giggling uncontrollably)

Block of butter!

Block of butter!

What is wrong with Bryce?

Yeah, what is wrong with Bryce? I mean, what is the deal with that guy?

Right? I mean, I get it, sometimes he's cool,

and then other times, like, what's your deal, man?

You gave him one of your cookies?

- I could have cured his glaucoma. - I have glaucoma?

You have guacamole.

I have glau-camole.

(giggling)

You brought a dealer into my home?

Unbelievable. My party hasn't even started

and it's already Breaking Bad up in this mother.

Was I licking a bunny?

Man, what did I tell you about giving my friends cookies?

And what did I tell you about my plan to open up

a legitimate distribution centre?

Honestly, Abby, what did I tell you? I can't remember.

- Ian! - Hey, what's going on

with your blonde friend? Is she seeing anybody?

Yes.

You would have said that even if she wasn't.

Yes.

I can work with that.

Whoa-oh!

The fun brigade has arrived!

Beckett! Finally, somebody normal.

Normal? You sure you're thinking of the right guy,

Steph? 'Cause things are about to get zany.

Zany... like a hot tub limo without water.

Water was extra. Wait 'til you see my Bag of Fun.

It's a huge hit on the party scene.

- Beckett, what're you doing? - Let's have some fun, huh?

- Huh? Huh? Whoa! - (Bryce giggling)

- You like that Gordo? - Enh, it's been done.

- Hey, everybody! - Hi, Dad!

Hey, Stephanie. Hey, Bryce could you help me with this?

Who got Bryce high?

Wait, are we talking credit or blame?

- No time. - Don't worry, Dave,

I'll, uh... I'll take him into Steph's bedroom

- and he can sleep it off. Yes! - Ooh!

Ooh, are we going to play Sleep It Off?

- No, that's not a thing. - We should start a band.

No.

Alright, out of the way, folks, I need to broil this baby

for a hot 10. Aw, you sneaky devil!

Alright, Steph, I'm going to need your other oven.

What other oven?

What kind of a father makes his daughter live in a one-oven slum?

Dave, did you pay my cab driver

to take the long way so you could beat me to the oven?

Cab drivers always take the long way. That's how they make their living.

You can use my microwave.

Ha ha! Then I might as well flush it down the toilet right afterwards.

Naw, you might as well flush it down the toilet now.

What are you doing, Nelson,

giving your lasagna a Brazilian Blowout?

I'm trying to melt the cheese, but, uh, it's just blowing it around.

- You should try using a diffuser. - Why didn't I think of that?

Hey, stay away from my ceramic curling iron!

Hey, want to ditch this party, go somewhere cool?

- Taco Bell? - This is my party.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Hey, do you think I could get your phone number?

No!

Just the first three digits? Who's that going to hurt?

Oh, OK! Excuse me, everybody!

Who'd like to hear a song that I penned just this afternoon?

It's just a silly little song.

- It's just a silly...

- No!

OK, alright, moving on. Oh! A guy walks into a bar...

- Which bar? Manion's? - Uh, no, a different bar.

- So he sits... - He doesn't like Manion's?

No. He lives in a different city.

So he sits down, he orders a Bloody Mary...

He just sits down and orders? He doesn't say hello? What's wrong with this guy?

It's not important, Gordon! Just let me tell the joke.

See, this is why you're no fun. I'm going to go for a walk.

What? No, wait! Wait!

- 123. - Yup, that's it!

It's just a silly little song

- It's just a silly little...

- Dude, dude;

do you think I have a shot with Stephanie?

Honestly? Probably.

Do you think I have a shot with Gordon?

I thought you were Gordon.

Hey, um, sorry about before.

It's just you remind me of the dolls my mom used to collect

but I would never pawn you.

Ian, can I get you something?

Like a hearty farewell?

BECKETT!

I love you, man.

Yeah, he didn't sleep. He just built a fort.

Hey, Bryce,

would you say that I'm fun or carefree?

You? ...No!

- Why not? - It's like this, man, look:

you have all these hang-ups, you know?

It's, like, you're too uptight, man!

I say leap and the net will appear.

Hmm?

"Leap and the net will appear."

- I think I get it. Thanks, Bryce. - Yeah!

- (timer buzzing) - Ugh, thank God,

- the lasagna's done. - Mm-hmm, just needs to cool.

- So where's the wine? - Oh! The raspberry champagne cocktails

- are already on the table. - No, no, sweetheart,

wine to go with the lasagna, not wine to go with your prom.

- Um... - Nothing? Aw...

Alright, there's a liquor store around the corner, I'll be right back.

My time to shine!

Oh, hey, I'm going to need to get you a new curling iron.

I found the perfect pairing for the lasagna.

It has the earthiness to complement the meal but the acidity to challenge it.

Bryce, UN-cork this!

- Where's Bryce? - (giggling with mouth full)

Mmm!

This is really good.

Bryce, you ate the whole thing!

I only ate the best part of the whole thing.

- Bryce... - Oh, no! Oh!

All your hard work today!

Bribing those farmers to give Nelson the wrong cheese,

and the taxi detour...

Ah-ha! I knew there was a lasagna conspiracy!

Yup.

Well, the Cubans and the mafia are going to be so mad at me.

- (timer buzzing) - I don't know what that means.

Hey, you want to get out of here, maybe head back to your place?

This is my place!

Huh! Then it's all coming together.

Hey, gang, I'm back.

...Mainly 'cause the neighbours asked me to leave.

Hold my axe!

You think I don't know how to have fun? Huh?

You think I don't know how to let loose? Look at me!

How's this for letting loose?

- I'm leaping without a net! - Dinner is served, everybody.

- WHOA! - Oh, geeze... Come on!

Oh, yes! Now, that is fun!

- Oh, my baby! - Thank you, Beckett!

- I'm OK, I'm OK. - But my lasagna's not OK!

- Look at this! - You pushed me!

(all yelling over each other)

- Enough! - (all stop)

Beckett, why do you care that Gordon doesn't think you're fun?

Gordon doesn't think that two 5s and a 10 make 20.

- Well, there was one time... - Oh, shut up Gordon!

Nelson, I had your lasagna two years ago,

and it was average at best. And I was drunk!

Hey, Bryce, I don't want to harsh your buzz

over there, but you're a grown ass man and you just ate an entire lasagna in a fort.

Hey, Abby! Thanks for bringing the buns!

You shouldn't have!

Oh, and hey Ian! The first three digits

of my phone number? The area code!

Seven digits away from love.

Oh, and Dad,

- get me a second oven! - (slamming door)

Seriously, she's not getting a second oven.

You know, a raspberry champagne cocktail would go great with those.

How's Bryce?

Bryce is fine. He's sleeping like a baby in my car.

I just wanted to have one party where people didn't flee the scene.

Well, to be fair, you're the one that fled this party.

Maybe I should just stop doing them.

- No, don't stop! - Really?

Do you remember my volcano party?

Bryce set the lava off too soon.

And my Labor Day party?

Nelson should have never organized that strike.

OK, what about my St. Patrick's Day party?

Well, I...

You know, I don't really remember that one,

so I'm going to assume it was me that wrecked it.

My point is, your parties aren't the problem,

it's the problems that you invite to the parties.

But maybe if you keep inviting us, we'll get better.

- Thank you, Dad. - Well...

Maybe I won't cancel my winter luau.

Winter luau? Oh, no, you should definitely cancel that.

- Dad! - Seriously, that sounds horrible!

Ugh, what a night!

Hey! Look who decided to come home!

Ian, what the hell are you still doing here?

- Oh, your door was locked. - You unlock the door from the inside.

Ahh, doors!

Hey, I made lasagna.

Wow, that actually looks pretty amazing.

Well, I thought you could use it, you had such a rough night.

Oh... Well, thank you, Ian.

- Guess what? ...It's official. - What?

I got the page; my business is going legit.

Do you know what this means? I'm going to be rich!

- Congratulations. - I'm going to be making upwards

of $14,000 a year.

$14,000! That is annually!

Wow. That is great. Congratulations.

I won't let it go to my head.

Wait, this isn't your

"special" lasagna, is it?

- Kind of. - You know what? Get out!

You throw a really great party.

And you're welcome for the butter!

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

That's five percent less than un-hygienic Harold!

Who's Harold? (laughs)

He doesn't wipe his bum.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0