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1
00:00:03,536 --> 00:00:05,537
This is the story of two sisters,
2
00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:08,040
Jessica Tate
3
00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:10,542
and Mary Campbell.
4
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:14,046
These are the Tates,
5
00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:17,549
and these are the Campbells.
6
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:20,552
And this is Soap.
7
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:51,950
That was the best shot
you had today, Bat.
8
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:53,452
Went right in the cup.
9
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:56,955
Yeah, but does it count, since
it bounced off that lady's head?
10
00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:59,958
Sure, sure, everything counts.
11
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,461
You see the way that thing
bounced off her?
12
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:04,963
Why, she must have
a steel plate in her!
13
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,465
And if she doesn't,
she will have.
14
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,468
I just... I mean,
I hope she's okay!
15
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,970
Oh, she's fine.
She's fine.
16
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:13,973
I don't know. She's still
lying in that sand trap.
17
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:17,910
No, she's up. See?
18
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,912
Oops!
19
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,914
I got 45 in the front nine.
20
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,316
I should wind up
in the 90s today.
21
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:25,317
Let's see what I got here.
22
00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:26,718
I got, uh,
23
00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,587
Six, three, uh...
24
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,589
136.
25
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,671
I'm gonna finish under 300.
26
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,461
You're sure you played
this game before?
27
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,463
Oh, yeah, sure! It's...
It's, uh, bursitis.
28
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,965
It throws my game off totally.
29
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:40,966
I got bursitis
30
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,468
in my neck!
31
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,470
Huh. I got some on my neck
and in my shoulder
32
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:45,971
and in my arm and in my back.
33
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:49,475
A little in the face too,
has been spreading like crazy.
34
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:51,477
Oh, I love your sense of humor!
35
00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:54,980
Should we tell him now?
Sure.
36
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,849
We were gonna wait to tell you
in the clubhouse,
37
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,150
but the way you've been playin',
38
00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:00,419
I might not live long enough
to finish this game.
39
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:01,887
Uh, go on, Jack.
40
00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,789
Tell him the big news.
41
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,291
Get ready, Bat.
This is big!
42
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,292
Are you ready?
43
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,794
Okay.
44
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,295
You're sure you're ready?
45
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,296
You bet.
46
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,799
I love moments like this.
47
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,801
It's like the Academy Awards.
48
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,737
Jack, you gonna tell him?
49
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,675
Bat, how would you
like a new job?
50
00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,677
A new job?
51
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:28,180
Is that the way you tell him?
52
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,182
With a buildup like that,
you just say,
53
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,684
"How'd you like a new job?"
54
00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:34,186
Uh, what...?
What new job?
55
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,654
What's wrong with that?
56
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,056
You killed the drama.
57
00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:39,958
You totally killed the drama.
58
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:42,961
I'm sorry.
59
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,463
It's okay.
60
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,464
I killed the drama.
61
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:46,465
It's okay.
62
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,966
You forget about it now.
63
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,968
You want to do the back nine
or have lunch first?
64
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:50,969
It doesn't matter to me.
65
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,971
Excuse me,
but you mentioned a new job.
66
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:53,972
What sort of job?
67
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:54,973
Didn't I tell you?
68
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:59,311
Hard to believe he's
the leader of a state.
69
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:02,248
If this was Texas, we'd have
shot him a long time ago.
70
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,750
Bat!
71
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,253
How would you like to be
lieutenant governor?
72
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,622
Lieutenant governor, me?
73
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:11,590
Right.
74
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:12,991
You already have one.
75
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:13,992
I don't like him.
76
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:17,796
Why?
77
00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:20,199
Why?
78
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,201
He's a gamblin' drunk.
79
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,202
Right!
80
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,703
And he makes loud noises
when he eats.
81
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,139
Okay, Jack.
I have to sit next to him at banquets.
82
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,640
It makes me sick to my stomach.
83
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:31,143
I got cows that
eat softer than that.
84
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:34,146
Uh, Jack...
85
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:37,149
Now, uh, one term
as lieutenant governor,
86
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,152
and then we'll run you
for senator.
87
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,054
Senator?!
88
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:42,989
We did a poll.
89
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,423
People will vote for ya.
90
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,358
They like what you stand for.
91
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,859
Oh, you got a wonderful profile.
92
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,361
Really? I never
liked it very much.
93
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,863
I never thought that
the chin was strong enough.
94
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,367
There it is again.
95
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,369
That wonderful sense of humor!
96
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,951
You sure you don't have
a little Jewish blood in you?
97
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:05,877
Senator Bat Campbell.
Sounds good, huh?
98
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,380
And Gene, here, will
finance your campaign.
99
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:09,382
What do you say?
100
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,218
You'll finance my campaign?
101
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:14,653
Be happy to.
102
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:19,358
I need me a senator. I now own
six governors, 18 congressmen,
103
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:25,297
four attorney generals, 11 cars,
12 houses, but not one senator.
104
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,299
Uh... own?
105
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,701
Oh, well, now, I'm
just joshin' with ya.
106
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,170
You can't own people.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
107
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:35,007
That misguided fellow,
Lincoln, saw to that.
108
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:37,977
Now, uh...
109
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:44,383
what I'm sayin' is I just have
a real nice relationship
110
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:47,286
with a whole lotta people.
111
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,288
What do you say, senator?
112
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:53,191
Gee, I wish my father
were alive to see this.
113
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:55,060
If he was a golfer,
it'd probably kill him.
114
00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:01,566
You know, Bat, we could hire
somebody to play your father,
115
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,568
like Melvyn Douglas.
116
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,070
He could campaign for you.
117
00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:09,575
He's got a mind like oatmeal.
118
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,079
He'd get
the senior-citizen vote.
119
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,580
Well, you think about it, Bat?
120
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:18,083
Now, you don't have to make
any decisions on anything,
121
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,585
but just sorta get used
to the idea, huh?
122
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,587
Now, what do you say
we keep playin',
123
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:23,588
and then we'll have lunch, huh.
124
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,090
All right.
You're up, Bat.
125
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,591
Yeah.
You got it! All right!
126
00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,093
I love this so...
127
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:34,099
Gotta ease up.
Ease up a little bit.
128
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:49,915
Gonna hit the car.
129
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,620
Truck's gonna hit the Mercedes.
130
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,624
Truck's on fire.
131
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,094
What happened to the Mercedes?
132
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,528
I don't see it.
133
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,930
Think it went over the cliff.
134
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:09,401
Um... what
should I do?
135
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:11,903
Change your grip.
136
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:15,407
Turn your wrist, keep your head
down longer and follow through.
137
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:33,925
Hiya, big guy.
138
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,427
Oh.
How's it goin'?
139
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,928
Dutch.
140
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,430
Boy.
141
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:39,898
You don't look too good.
142
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:40,899
I don't?
143
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,401
No, you look a little puffy.
144
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,336
Puffy?
145
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:45,171
Yeah, kinda like Poppin' Fresh.
146
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:47,539
Poppin' Fresh?
147
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:50,041
Yeah, Poppin' Fresh,
the Pillsbury Doughboy.
148
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:53,545
I haven't slept.
149
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,547
I'm staying at the Y,
and I can't sleep a wink.
150
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,048
How come?
151
00:06:57,049 --> 00:07:00,051
I'm surrounded
by winos and homos.
152
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:02,053
The winos keep trying
to steal my wallet,
153
00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:04,056
and the homos just keep trying.
154
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,559
Why are you stayin'
at the Y then?
155
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,561
Well, I haven't got any money.
156
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:12,464
That's, uh, why I asked you
to meet me, Dutch.
157
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,546
Would you loan me a little?
158
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,467
Dutch?
159
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,968
Only for a while.
160
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,870
Aw, big guy, why don't you
just come home?
161
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,841
What'll it be?
Eggs.
162
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:26,845
You think you can make them
without Pennzoil today?
163
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:29,781
Oh, God, we got
Sir Laurence again.
164
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,783
Why do you come here?
165
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:32,784
All you do is complain.
166
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,286
I'm not complaining.
167
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,787
I'm merely making a request.
168
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:39,158
Yesterday, my poached eggs were
served in an oil slick.
169
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,763
Did you want the
crust cut off your toast too?
170
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,134
Please.
171
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,635
I'll just have a coffee.
172
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,637
It'll be greasy.
173
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,640
I don't how they do it.
They make greasy coffee.
174
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,642
Come on home, big guy.
We need ya.
175
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,644
Billy hardly speaks a word
of English anymore,
176
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,646
and Annie is miserable,
and I miss ya,
177
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,647
and the pool is filthy!
178
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,650
Come on, eh?
179
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,152
I'm afraid to, Dutch.
180
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,154
The thought of Jess
with a foreigner
181
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,157
makes me so angry, I could kill!
182
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,159
I've killed before.
183
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,528
I'm afraid I'll kill again.
184
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:19,531
I still love her Dutch.
185
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,533
I want her back.
186
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,535
I want her.
187
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,037
I want her. I want her.
188
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,510
Aw, come on, big guy.
Come on.
189
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,012
Now, you just stop and think
about it for a minute.
190
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,014
Hey, what's the big deal?
191
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,517
They had one night
of passion, right?
192
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,520
So what?
193
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,522
One night, what's
to get crazy about?
194
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,524
So they strip.
195
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,025
Oh! Oh!
196
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,027
What is that?
Just bodies.
197
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,530
Naked bodies.
198
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,532
So she gets naked with him.
199
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,534
And he gets naked with her!
200
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,035
I'll kill him!
I'll kill him!
201
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,037
I swear, I'll kill him!
202
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,039
Thank you.
203
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,042
You gotta watch
your nerves, big guy.
204
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:07,546
I still love her, Dutch.
I want her back.
205
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,049
Well, you gotta learn to live
with life not bein' perfect.
206
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,551
What do ya think I've been
doin' lately?
207
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,052
Things with me and Eunice
is terrible.
208
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,054
Oh, sorry, Dutch.
209
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,556
My sex life is in the toilet.
210
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,059
She can't do it
unless we do a fantasy.
211
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,061
Dutch, Eunice is my daughter.
212
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,064
Well, she should be in bed
with Walt Disney.
213
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,065
Dutch?
214
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,501
One night, I'm a cop.
Next night, I'm a storm trooper.
215
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,069
Then I'm a forest ranger.
216
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,572
I got a hell of a collection
of boots now, let me tell you.
217
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,073
Boy, do I miss the good old days
218
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,575
of "Screaming and
Scratching" Corinne.
219
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,576
Stop it, Dutch!
Stop it!
220
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,578
Hey! Hey...
221
00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:41,079
Hey, hey!
Come on, come on!
222
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,082
Get outta here!
Get outta here, will ya?
223
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,086
Fine, I'm leaving.
224
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,588
I don't even want to stay.
225
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,090
Let me tell you something,
my good man.
226
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,026
I do a lot of business
entertaining.
227
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:58,029
Rest assured
I shall not do it here.
228
00:09:58,030 --> 00:10:00,031
That'll be three bucks
for the meal.
229
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:02,033
Uh, Dutch, uh...
230
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,035
pay the man.
231
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:13,778
Chester?
232
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:18,717
Hi.
233
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,085
Danny.
234
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,520
Annie, is Chester here?
235
00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:24,489
Uh, no, not at the moment.
236
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:27,493
He kind of, uh...
stormed out.
237
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:29,995
Come on in.
238
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:30,997
Thanks.
239
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,500
You okay?
240
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,502
Great! How about you?
241
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:40,005
Me? Ha! Great.
242
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:43,508
Good. That's...
That's good. Yeah. Heh.
243
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,279
Oh, God!
244
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,782
I can't stand it.
245
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,552
I'm so miserable.
246
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:01,993
So, what's new?
247
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,496
Oh, not much.
Heh-heh.
248
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,998
Chester left me.
249
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,801
Is that why he's not here?
250
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,704
I think so.
251
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:15,206
I'm sorry, he's not.
252
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:17,208
I really needed to talk to him.
253
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:19,210
Problem?
254
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:20,211
Yeah.
255
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:22,714
I usually talk to Burt
about my problems,
256
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,717
but, uh, Burt is no longer Burt.
257
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,719
I mean, he's changed, you know?
258
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,721
Chester's changed too.
259
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:32,691
Yeah, and I don't wanna talk
to my mother about this problem
260
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,060
'cause she's got
enough problems.
261
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,495
Gwen is gone,
so I can't talk to her.
262
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,864
And even if she were here
so I could talk to her,
263
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,132
I wouldn't have to talk to her
264
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:44,602
because my problem
is the fact that she's gone.
265
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:45,537
You see, if she didn't go...
266
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,540
I... I got it.
267
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,442
Every time I get close
to a woman,
268
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,446
she either runs off
or gets shot.
269
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:57,315
I hope this is just a phase.
270
00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,151
Every time I get close to a man,
he runs away too.
271
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:01,619
Hm.
272
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,587
Hey, what is it with us?
273
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:05,724
How come people are always
running out on us?
274
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:10,028
You don't suppose it's something
we do that drives them away.
275
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,963
You know, I mean, like...
276
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:14,433
some disgusting habits we have?
277
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,836
It must be.
278
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:20,839
I mean, I have some
really disgusting habits.
279
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,842
Come on, how could you have
any disgusting habits?
280
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,343
Oh, I do!
281
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:26,845
Mine are more disgusting.
282
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,747
You wanna talk
disgusting habits,
283
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,248
you are looking at the king.
284
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,750
Nothing compared to mine.
285
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,751
Oh, come on!
286
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:33,752
You don't believe me?
287
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,087
Nah. Okay, listen.
288
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,263
Well?
289
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,134
That's pretty disgusting.
290
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,637
But, uh, I wouldn't leave you
just because you drink
291
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,139
like a St. Bernard.
292
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,143
Chester's very sensitive.
293
00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,144
Mm.
294
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,980
I hum when I eat.
295
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:02,815
Yeah.
296
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,215
You don't believe me, do ya?
297
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:05,650
I don't even know I'm doing it.
298
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:10,622
I make this hm-mm-mm-mm sound
when I'm having dinner.
299
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,557
Sounds like I'm making love.
300
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:16,795
Do you ever get white stuff
on the corners of your mouth?
301
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,098
Are you kidding?
I invented that.
302
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,600
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
303
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:23,601
Honest to God,
304
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,605
I look like Old Yeller right
before they shot him.
305
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:29,341
Is that why she left?
306
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,011
I think it's my legs.
307
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,414
What's wrong with your legs?
308
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,917
Aw, come on, look!
309
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,420
What?
310
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,421
Too skinny.
311
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:46,391
Oh, please
You have a great body.
312
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,893
I wish I had your body.
313
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,895
Now, why would you want my body?
314
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,397
Your body's incredible.
315
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:55,900
Oh-ho. You're just
saying that.
316
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,902
No, no really.
317
00:13:57,903 --> 00:14:00,905
If I wasn't feeling so terrible
and you weren't my stepmother,
318
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:03,908
I'd...
319
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:06,411
You know, I'd...
I'd look at it harder.
320
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:14,252
Well, and if I wasn't feeling
so miserable, I'd, uh...
321
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,253
Well, me too.
322
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:19,190
I mean, you... You really
have some great body.
323
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:22,627
Well, I'm...
324
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,129
I'm flattered.
325
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:28,132
Well, this has
been great. Heh.
326
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,568
I mean... I mean thanks
for lettin' me talk.
327
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,437
You really made me feel better.
328
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,339
Me too. Thanks.
329
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,274
Anytime.
330
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:39,277
And if you ever wanna talk
some more, I'd...
331
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:40,778
I'd be happy to listen.
332
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,780
Yeah?
333
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:43,781
Yeah.
334
00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:45,717
Me too.
335
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,120
I better get the hell
outta here.
336
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,121
Oh?
337
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:52,624
Uh, it's not that I want to,
338
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,125
I just think...
339
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,127
Yeah, I know.
340
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:57,629
I'll see ya.
341
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,635
You hungry?
342
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,636
Famished.
343
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,137
There's a new pizza joint
in town...
344
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,639
I love pizza.
345
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:11,042
I'll hum.
346
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:13,378
I'll order a Coke,
and I won't even hear.
347
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,763
Mary!
348
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,764
Mary!
349
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:33,765
Oh, Burt!
350
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,766
Mary!
Burt!
351
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,268
Mary, what happened?
What happened?
352
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,269
The baby, is Scotty all right?
353
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,270
Is the baby sick?
354
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,272
No, he's fine.
355
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,277
Fine? Fine?
356
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,279
You call the office hysterical,
357
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,782
say something unintelligible
about the baby,
358
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,784
I race over here,
and you say, he's fine?
359
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:53,785
What's the matter with you?!
360
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,787
If I tell you,
you'll think I'm crazy.
361
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,788
Mary.
362
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,790
Scotty's okay.
He's okay.
363
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,792
He's just a little
exhausted from flying,
364
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,293
so he's taking a nap right now.
365
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,795
Flying.
366
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,800
He's flying now?
367
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,802
I am not crazy.
368
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,804
Scotty does not fly.
369
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,305
I know for a fact.
It's genetic.
370
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,308
Nobody in my family ever flew.
371
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,810
Why won't you believe me?
372
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,312
Mare, did you actually
see him flying?
373
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,313
That is not the point.
374
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,315
Has anybody ever seen him fly?
375
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,316
I think Chuck.
376
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,818
Chuck.
Chuck talks to Bob.
377
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,319
This is your star witness?
378
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,821
He was out of his crib.
379
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,322
How did he get out of his crib?
380
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,825
Mary, babies get out of
their cribs! I don't know how.
381
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,328
Normal 12-months-old babies
do not defy gravity.
382
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,331
I'm going back to the office.
383
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,333
He has super-human strength.
Mary.
384
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,336
How did he push the toy chest
across the room?
385
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,839
Babies figure out how
to do things. I don't know how!
386
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,841
How...? How heavy could
that toy chest be?
387
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,844
Burt, it was built-in.
388
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:55,813
Hi, Dad.
Oh, hi, hello.
389
00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:57,315
Oh, what a cute little
terrific kid.
390
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,317
Hey, Chuck, show him
what Scotty did?
391
00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,820
Yeah, he was messin' around
with his crayons.
392
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,327
That's not normal.
393
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,830
Twelve-months-old babies
don't experiment in cubism.
394
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,832
Maybe this is a quirk.
395
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:15,833
A quirk?
396
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:16,834
A quirk!
397
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:18,836
Picasso painted
when he was three.
398
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:20,338
Mozart wrote a symphony
when he was eight.
399
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:21,839
Scotty is one.
400
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,342
So he's advanced for his age.
401
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,845
My baby lifts heavy objects,
paints and flies,
402
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:29,347
and you call it a quirk.
403
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:31,849
Mary, I wanna ask you something.
404
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,851
Have you had anything
to drink today?
405
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,853
Oh, come on, Burt.
On my honor.
406
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:36,854
Tell him, Chuck.
407
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:38,356
Oh, no, it's the truth, Dad.
408
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,858
Yeah, me and Mary went
on the wagon together.
409
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,861
Oh, that's good!
I'm gonna go check.
410
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,830
He won't believe me.
411
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,301
Mary Campbell?
Yes.
412
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:53,204
My name is Dr. Rudolph.
I'm a psychiatrist.
413
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,706
I am not crazy.
He flies.
414
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,414
Have you come to take me away?
415
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,415
Where you wanna go?
416
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:07,285
I'm confused.
417
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,286
I'm Jodie's analyst.
418
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:09,787
Oh, my God! Come in.
419
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,790
What's the matter with Jodie?
420
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:13,791
Oh, nothing, nothing.
421
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,293
He's...
He's fine. He's...
422
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:16,794
Well, there is
a little something
423
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:17,795
I think you should be aware of.
424
00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:18,797
What?
425
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,236
Uh, Julius?
426
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,238
Right this way.
427
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,239
Here we are.
428
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,742
This is your home. See?
429
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:32,743
Jodie?
430
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:36,180
This is my family?
431
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,683
This is not my family.
432
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:42,687
Julius, this is your mother.
433
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,691
Excuse me,
this is not my mother.
434
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,660
My mother look like an elk.
435
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,629
This lady is a Rockette.
436
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,631
What's the matter with him?
437
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,634
He thinks he's
an old Jewish man.
438
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,137
Oh, my God!
439
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,639
Jodie, Jodie.
440
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,643
Lady, I'm old enough
to be your father.
441
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,645
What have you done to him?
442
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,148
Well, we were
searching... BOB: Uh, doctor?
443
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,652
Are we dealing here
with a highly complicated
444
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,555
and a rare schizophrenia and
multiple-personality crossover,
445
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,591
and if not,
should we rule out trauma?
446
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:25,229
I think your analysis
is most perceptive. Mm-hmm.
447
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,231
However, in this case,
it's a combination
448
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:29,734
of sensory deprivation
and hypnosis,
449
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,736
resulting in
a possible aggression
450
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,237
to a previous bodily
manifestation,
451
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,239
or incarnation, if you will.
452
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,742
Fascinating. I've never heard
of a case like this before.
453
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,245
Well, you see, we were
searching for the root cause...
454
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:47,919
I'm talking to a dummy.
455
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,324
I'm a dummy?
456
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,326
You turn your patient
into an old Jewish man,
457
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:56,827
and I'm the dummy.
458
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,330
All right, Mary,
now, I checked the baby.
459
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,332
He is not flying.
460
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,833
"Not flying"?
461
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,835
Right. Who, uh...?
Who are you?
462
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,837
Burt, this is
Dr. Rudolph.
463
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:08,339
Yeah, hello.
464
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,840
And this...
465
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:10,842
is Julius.
466
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,278
Ju-Julius?
467
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,780
Oy, look who's here.
468
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,281
Wyatt Earp.
469
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,784
What is the matter with him?
470
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,787
He's Jewish.
471
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,724
You know, this is cute.
This I never saw.
472
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:30,628
Burt, Dr. Rudolph
is Jodie's psychiatrist.
473
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,196
All right.
What did you do to him?
474
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:34,198
What is the matter?
What did you do to him?!
475
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:36,701
I-I took him back
hypnotically.
476
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,202
What back? What are
you talking about?
477
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:41,205
In time,
to a previous existence.
478
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,708
He got stuck somewhere
in the Lower East Side.
479
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:46,210
Well, unstick him.
480
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,212
Uh, no. Oh, no!
Negative, Burt.
481
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:51,215
To presuppose a cure when you
do not understand the problem
482
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:52,717
could be disastrous.
483
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,719
You know, that cowboy
I could live with,
484
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,222
but this dummy is too much!
485
00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:58,723
Hey!
486
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:00,725
Who are you calling a dummy?
487
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,227
Not you, shorty.
The other feller.
488
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:06,130
I'm the dummy?
489
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,633
Only a dummy would talk
to a puppet.
490
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:11,036
He's got a point there.
491
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:13,037
Listen to me now.
492
00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:14,538
Whatever you did to him,
you undo,
493
00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:16,540
or I will sue you
for malpractice, pally.
494
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:17,541
I will ruin you.
495
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:19,043
It's all legal, sheriff.
496
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,544
He signed a waiver.
497
00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:21,545
How could this happen?
498
00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:23,047
Look, all I know is,
499
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,049
I was sitting in a delicatessen,
500
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,551
minding my business,
having a mild coronary...
501
00:21:27,552 --> 00:21:29,053
Jodie.
502
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,554
Oh, and please,
don't call me Jodie.
503
00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:33,057
Jodie is a name for a puppy.
504
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:35,059
My name is Julius Kassendorf.
505
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:39,063
I think you should call him
Julius for the time being.
506
00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:41,065
Oh. And this is
your medical opinion?
507
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:43,567
Look, he's still
under treatment.
508
00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:44,568
I'll see him once a day,
509
00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:46,570
and hopefully, we can pull him
out of this thing.
510
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,072
But how long will this take?
511
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:51,075
Oh, a couple of days,
a few weeks... several years.
512
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:54,578
Just sit tight and keep a lot
of gefilte fish in the house.
513
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:56,580
I'll pick him up
by first thing Tuesday.
514
00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:58,582
We have a Mike Douglas Show
in the morning.
515
00:21:58,583 --> 00:22:01,585
Here's my card.
Call anytime. Quickly.
516
00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:03,087
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait!
517
00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:05,089
You can't...
You can't bring my son home
518
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,590
like he's some kind of freak!
519
00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:08,559
Where's the bathroom?
520
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,062
I can't deal with this now.
521
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,432
Don't let him outside.
522
00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:15,933
I don't believe this.
523
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:17,935
My eldest stepson
is now my nephew.
524
00:22:17,936 --> 00:22:20,438
My only real son
talks to a puppet.
525
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:22,940
My wife sees flying babies.
526
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:24,842
And my other stepson
used to be gay,
527
00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,778
pft, now he's an old Jewish guy.
528
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:33,118
I gotta get outta here.
529
00:22:34,619 --> 00:22:36,120
All right...
530
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:37,122
don't leave this house.
531
00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:39,124
Anybody.
532
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:42,126
Ever.
533
00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:56,874
Now that Jodie is an old Jewish man,
534
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:58,376
will Mary keep a kosher home?
535
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,877
Will Burt become a senator,
536
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:02,380
or does Lee Trevino havesomething to worry about?
537
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,382
Will Danny ever find happiness?
538
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,384
Will he find itwith his father's wife?
539
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,386
And will Chester stop crying
540
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:09,887
and try to get Jessica back,
541
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,889
or will he remainall choked up about her?
542
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:14,392
These questions and many otherswill be answered
543
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,329
in the next episode of Soap.
544
00:23:17,379 --> 00:23:21,929
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