Original subtitles

Jessica Tate

and Mary Campbell.

These are the Tates,

and these are the Campbells.

And this is Soap.

Dr. Kline. Paging Dr. Kline.

Mare, look. Come here.

You can see the Water and Power Building from here.

Oh! That's nice.

Take a look?

Sure.

Maybe later, Burt.

Mare, now, you know Danny is gonna be okay, right?

You know that.

Oh, sure.

He's always giving me these little scares,

and I worry myself sick, and he always pulls through.

I worried when he fell off the back fence.

I worried when he fell off his motorcycle.

I worried when he jumped off the roof.

And for what?

He always bounces right back.

So why worry now?

He jumped off a roof?

He was wearing a cape.

Oh, well. I mean, sure.

He was playing Superman.

He expected to fly.

Superman. No, I understand that.

You know, a little kid like that.

Well, he was 13.

You know how trusting he is.

If he could go through all that, this is nothing.

Oh, right.

None of that's like being shot, is it?

Being shot's nothing. Being shot's nothing.

Only one percent of the people who get shot get seriously hurt.

Really?

Well, yeah, that's the statistic.

You know that for a fact? One percent?

One, five, 12, it's a low number...

If it's such a low number,

how come he's been in the operating room

for four hours?

Four hours. Mare, come on.

What is four hours?

Look, they gotta scrub up,

that takes a couple of hours right there.

And then this thing is exploratory,

and exploratory takes more time

because they don't have a real destination they're going for,

like the appendix.

There are just down there moseying around, taking a look.

You know, operations like this could go on for days.

Days? Maybe not days?

A day.

I had an aunt of mine. They operated early in the morning,

finished very late at night.

Of course, she was obese.

They had a lot more territory to cover.

What did they find?

Fat, a lot of fat.

Any word?

No, no, no. Not yet.

It's just too soon.

Would everybody stop acting so gloomy, please?

Yeah, that's what I keep trying to tell him.

Come on, expect the best.

Have the little faith.

Here you go.

Nice nutritious milkshakes, just for you.

Oh, milkshakes. Mare, look.

Jodie and Gwen are still downstairs with the Tates.

We'll have them

when Danny comes out of the operating room, okay?

We'll celebrate with him.

Yeah, yeah. That's the spirit.

Come on, everything's gonna be fine.

Nothing's gonna happen to good old...

Good old... Old Danny!

Doctor.

Doc, how is he?

Well, he's doing as well as can be expected.

What does that mean?

It means we've done the exploratory surgery.

Now we have to wait for a few test results,

and then we'll have a better idea.

He's young, strong. There's a fair chance that...

Oh, my God, I have to see him.

He's in intensive care, Mary.

Go in for five minutes. Burt, you too. Go ahead.

Dr. Carrow, surgery, please.

Okay, doc, give it to me straight.

What's the damage to the pancreas, colon,

kidneys and duodenum?

Well, there's a lateral rupture of one kidney,

capsular damage to the other, but...

I see, so there's a possibility

of urino-renal shutdown and peritonitis.

I tend to concur. Yes.

What are you talking about?

Shut up.

I assume you implemented alimentation

through a central venous line.

Of course, what do you take me for?

And used a nasal gastric tube?

Yes.

Well, you have done all we can ask, doctor.

A very fine job.

Thank you.

Are you a doctor?

Well, no. I had two years at Johns Hopkins.

Only two years? Yeah.

Oh, well, it's a pity you didn't stay with it.

Why, thank you.

Look, I can assure you

that we are doing everything we possibly can.

Well, I'm certain of it. Thank you, doctor.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Oh, goodbye. Goodbye.

Hey, Bob, uh...

Danny is gonna be okay, isn't he?

- Chester? - Huh?

Is it me?

No, Annie, it's not you.

It's me.

I can't.

It's no use. I just can't.

I don't know what's wrong.

Chester, relax. Don't think about it.

I don't understand it.

This has never happened to me before.

I've always been able to.

Even when I didn't want to, I was able to.

Chester, it's all right.

It happens to everyone.

Never to me, Jess.

Uh, I mean... Annie.

Well, that's it, isn't it?

You're still hung up on Jessica.

No, I'm not, Jess. Believe me.

I'll always have a place in my heart for her,

but you're the one I'm crazy about.

I love you.

Oh...

Oh, Chester, I've never met anyone like you before.

Oh, I feel so inadequate.

Oh, come on, honey.

Don't let a silly thing like that get you down.

Who am I kidding?

Look at me.

I'm old enough to be your...

older brother.

Let's face it.

If you got involved with me, it would never work out.

Eventually you'd leave me for a guy your own age.

Chester, you are my own age.

Age isn't just years.

It's where your head's at.

We are on the same wavelength.

That's why I can relate to you.

You're not old.

You're mature, you're warm, and you're sexy.

Oh, please.

Don't stop.

You're bright, you're handsome, and you're worldly.

I'm fabulous.

Oh, Annie, you love me.

I love you, Chester.

And I love you.

I can't wait till we get married.

Oh, me too. I'm so excited.

I can't wait to tell my folks.

Yes, your folks.

Tell me, do they have money?

Chester, you've made me

the happiest girl in the whole world.

Oh, Annie, we'll be so happy.

We'll have a lovely home and maybe a family.

I'm not too old. Charlie Chaplin did it.

Anyway, age is just a frame of mind.

Oh, it'll be wonderful.

Just the two of us. You and me and our house.

And we'll have a beautiful house.

We'll have a swimming pool and tennis court.

We'll play tennis together.

You can take lessons during the day

while I'm working.

We'll have lovely romantic dinners,

and we'll lunch in town.

Sometimes I'll come home and surprise you.

I'll find you in the sauna after your tennis lessons.

Lying there nude...

with the tennis pro.

Oh, Annie, how could you do this to me,

after all I've given you?

Cheating already.

I don't believe it, you slut.

Come in.

Red? Yoo-hoo!

Hi.

Hhh-hi...

Uh, you wanted to see me?

Yes, I did.

Was it anything in particular?

I just wanted to know how you were feeling

and if you were happy. Any problems?

No-hoh-hoh.

I've been terrific.

I'm hap-hap-happy.

Yes, indeed. No problems.

No, no, no, no, no.

There are some little things,

but, well, it's not important.

Oh, tell me.

No, no, no, no. I mean, it's silly.

You know, it's so minor, I hate to bring it up.

Oh, El, I want you to feel comfortable here.

See, I want you to feel

that you're able to come to me for anything.

Really. Anything.

Well,

there is one little thing that troubles me.

Yes?

The drain.

I beg your pardon.

You know, the drain.

The drain.

There is hair in the drain.

Can you imagine how embarrassing it is for me,

the leader of a great nation,

to be standing in the shower,

and there at my feet, it looks like a hamster drowned.

I tell you, I hate that more than anything.

That, and communism.

El, you are so handsome when you're like this.

You look... very nice tonight.

So do you.

You know, I really have to get to bed.

Excuse me. Goodnight.

Please, don't go.

Well, I have to leave.

I feel...

I feel funny.

El, what do you mean?

You know, it's like

somebody is pouring seltzer into my shorts.

Good night.

Don't you want to kiss me good night?

Oh, yes, Jess.

I would love to kiss you goodnight.

And then I would like to kiss you good morning,

and good night again.

As a matter of fact, one long kiss,

thirteen hours... That would be nice.

Well, then, why don't you.

No, no, no...

Kissing leads to necking,

and necking leads to more necking,

and more necking leads to screaming and rolling around...

No, no, no, no.

Don't you find me attractive?

Are you kidding?

It's my principles.

You have principles.

I gave them the night off.

No, Saunders would look at me funny in the morning.

I gave him the night off too.

You see, in my country, Malaguay, we always had...

How you say in English? Chaperones.

So, if anyone started to feel a little peppy,

you know, the chaperon would come in

and give a stern warning,

maybe break a few fingers and...

Oh, El, this is worse than high school.

You know, in high school, we did everything but.

Now we're not doing anything,

and I feel worse than if we were

doing everything but "but."

However, if we skipped "everything"

and went straight to "but,"

then, you see, we could go back

and do everything leading up to "but."

Which, of course, would also give us something to do later,

since neither of us smoke.

But we are not married, you see.

Jessica, I promise you, after we are married...

El, I'm not sure I want to be married again.

I'm still trying to get used to being single.

Do you understand?

Jess, I love you.

And I love you.

And I also want you.

So?

So you won't think me a swine if I ask you one favor?

Ask away.

Will you close your eyes for me, please?

Good night.

Hi.

Hi.

You okay?

Am I okay?

Of course I am, thanks to you.

Now, you're not supposed to talk a lot.

Are they treating you okay?

Never mind, don't answer.

Is there anything you'd like me to bring you?

No, don't answer. I'll think of something.

I'm sorry I got you into all this.

Oh, yeah.

You got a lot to apologize for, like saving my life.

That'd be enough to make me fall in love with you

if I wasn't in love with you already.

You love me?

I've loved you all along, I think.

See, it's easy for me to tell you all this now,

because I figure you're too doped up to remember.

Gwen, I... Oh, shh.

I know.

Here's Burt.

I'll see you later.

Hey, Dan.

Hi.

Pfft! No, don't... No talking here.

You're not allowed to talk in here.

There's no talking, no dancing here.

None of that.

Burt,

what happened?

All I remember is a lot of guns going off.

It was nothing.

It was just various people

shooting at other various people.

Forget about it.

Was anyone killed?

No, no, no. Everybody's fine.

Only one of us got hit.

Yeah, who?

You, Danny.

Oh.

So, what happened at the party after I got shot?

We decided to call it a night.

Burt... am I gonna be all right?

What, are you kidding?

I'm gonna kill him, Danny.

I'm gonna get him if it's the last thing I ever do.

Nobody hurts my boy like this, nobody.

I'm gonna get him,

and he's never gonna hurt anybody ever again.

Burt, I don't want you to.

Don't worry about it. I just want you to know, Dan.

Tibbs doesn't have a prayer.

You're a good man, Danny, and you're kind,

and you're sweet, and you're gentle,

and I love you a lot,

and that was when he made his big mistake:

when he hurt you.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna come back.

I'll be back.

You rest, all right.

Burt,

you save a piece of that guy for me.

I'll see you later, Dan.

Dr. Kline, paging Dr. Kline.

How is he?

Is he gonna be all right?

He's fine. He's good. He's resting, all right?

This is my fault.

Come on, Gwen, that's not true.

The bullet was meant for me.

He's lying in there because of me.

Gwen, Danny is a police officer.

I mean, that's the thing he's most proud of in his life.

He was just doing his job in protecting you.

But he loved me.

It wouldn't have happened if he didn't love me.

Gwen, he got to save somebody that he loved.

Is Bob here? Oh, Chuck.

He said he wanted to be alone,

wanted to take a walk and think or something.

Try the bar.

That's a real good idea, Dad.

Belongs to you, I presume.

Where did you find him?

In the men's room.

Oh, he must have had one to many.

Bob, get a hold of yourself.

Mary, um...

The tests, what about the tests?

Is he gonna make it?

Of course he's gonna make it.

Doc, tell them that he's gonna make it.

The bullets passed through both kidneys.

Oh, my God.

We can't save either one.

We'll put him on a life support machine for now, but...

He needs another kidney,

is that what you're saying?

Mine. Take mine. Take both of mine.

I don't need them.

Gwen.

He already has my heart, my soul.

He could have my kidneys, my lungs.

Whatever you need, just take it.

Doc, come here.

Doc, listen.

I got great kidneys here.

I wanna give Danny the kidney. I want Danny to have my kidney.

Well, Burt it can't be just anyone's kidney.

It's not "just anyone's kidney."

It's my kidney, and it's a great kidney.

I'm telling you, I take good care of them.

I'd give him a kidney, but I've only got one.

Okay, all right. I'll give the kidney.

Bob, you can't give anybody an organ.

What are you talking about?

Especially a kidney.

I know.

All right, I admit it.

I'm an alcoholic, okay?

There, it's out. I said it.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

If I just didn't drink,

I could save poor old Danny, Danny, Danny.

Doc, Doc, what do you mean,

it can't be just anyone's kidney?

Danny has a very singular tissue type, Burt.

We need to have an identical match.

So what you're saying here is I don't match.

We can keep him on a dialysis machine

for a while,

but eventually we have to have a donor

with his exact blood and tissue type.

Doc, what you mean is that

the donor has to be a blood relative?

Yes.

That's me, I'll do it.

No, Ma, I'll give him one of mine.

No, Jodie, I'll do it.

You can start the procedures any time.

Well, Mary, you know,

Jodie's kidneys would really be...

Danny is my son. I'll do it.

I'm his brother.

Mare, we all wanna contribute...

Why is everybody ganging up on me?

Mare, please. Nobody is ganging up.

I'll do it, and that's that.

Mary, let me say something here.

Look, I've been your doctor for a long time.

Your kidneys are fine for you. They'll last you all your life,

but you need both of them.

And even if you could function with only one,

it wouldn't be strong enough to support Danny.

Medically, you're an unsuitable donor.

I'm sorry.

Jodie, if you're agreeable,

we'll start running some tests now, huh?

Excuse me.

Would you all please leave me alone with Jodie for a moment?

Of course.

I'll be in my office, Jodie. Okay.

I'll be in the coffee shop.

Maybe I can put some black coffee down Bob.

Dad, wanna come?

Yeah, yeah, in a second.

Um, I'll go with Bob.

Mare, everything's all right here?

Fine.

We just need to talk, okay?

Okay.

Take your time.

I'm gonna go find Tibbs.

I'll keep in touch.

Okay, Ma, what is it?

You can't give Danny a kidney.

I'm his brother.

No, you're not.

What?

Jodie, you and Danny... are not brothers.

But we have the same mother?

Oh, yes, yes. Yes.

But we don't have the same father?

Ma?

Who is Danny's father?

Is it his uncle Chester,

who fooled around with everyone?

Did he fooled around with his wife's sister?

Is it Benson, who once worked for the family?

Was some of his work not work?

Is it Burt Reynolds, who was in town and had nothing to do?

And if it was, how could you blame her?

Wouldn't you?

Or was it Mr. X,

a man who would shock everyone, even himself?

One of these four men is Danny's father,

and who he is will change the lives

of the Tates and Campbells forever.

Find out when Soap returns in its new time slot

in early March.

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