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This is the story of two sisters,
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00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,007
Jessica Tate
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,342
and Mary Campbell.
4
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,812
These are the Tates,
5
00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:17,649
and these are the Campbells.
6
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:20,219
And this is Soap.
7
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,482
Yes. What?
8
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:54,853
Jodie, I can't hear you.
Speak slowly.
9
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,322
It's a bad connection.
10
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,324
Did you find her?
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00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:00,793
What did he say?
Did he find her?
12
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,294
Where is he? When
is he comin' home?
13
00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:03,455
Now, where the hell are they?
14
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:05,764
Chuck, could you keep it down?
15
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,766
Bob, will you eat something?
You'll feel better.
16
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:08,767
Eat... Who can eat?
17
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:11,270
Our baby is missing,
and you want me to eat?
18
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,271
Boys!
19
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,275
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.
20
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,777
Any leads?
21
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,245
What?
22
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,713
Oh.
23
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:23,148
I see, no.
24
00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:26,652
No leads! Did you
hear that? No leads!
25
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,654
Shh!
26
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,157
Jodie. Jodie,
when are you coming home?
27
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,659
Oh, wonderful!
28
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:34,660
Tonight.
29
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,661
Great.
30
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,163
Did you wear a warm jacket?
31
00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:42,468
I'm not being a mother.
You're in Alaska.
32
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,971
It's very cold there.
Besides, I'm your mother.
33
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:47,473
Have you eaten?
34
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:51,477
Did you hear that? Wendy's
in Alaska. Oh, my God.
35
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,479
Listen, if he sees a pair of
a mukluk in a size two,
36
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,480
would you tell him to...
37
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:55,482
Quiet!
38
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:00,986
I'm sorry if I've been
treating you like a kid.
39
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,488
Don't forget
to buckle your seatbelt.
40
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:03,490
Bye.
41
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,926
Food.
42
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,328
I need food.
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00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:11,330
I'm upset.
44
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,833
I need to eat when I'm upset.
45
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,835
Some people go to a shrink.
46
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,337
I eat.
47
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,340
The money I've spent on Twinkies
alone could support Freud,
48
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,842
Jung and Joyce Brothers.
49
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:26,345
You got a healthy appetite.
Nothing wrong with that.
50
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,846
Oh, it's easy for you to say.
51
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:30,349
Men don't gain weight
like women do.
52
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,351
And if they do,
they lose it faster.
53
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,353
Men burn up twice
as many calories
54
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,855
as women doing
the exact same thing.
55
00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:39,324
And they have less body fat.
56
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,326
God is a man.
57
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,832
Hi, Ma. Hey, guys.
Hey, Dan.
58
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,334
Oh, honey, he just called.
You just missed him.
59
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,802
Oh, damn!
60
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:53,772
If I wouldn't have stopped
for gas, I coulda talked to him.
61
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:56,241
Well, it's okay. He's fine,
and he'll be home tonight.
62
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,676
Oh, good.
63
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,145
Who we talkin' about?
64
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:00,979
Your brother.
65
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,014
Jodie!
66
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,949
Boy, the teller of reasoning.
67
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,450
You know, all she said
was your brother,
68
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,453
and he knew exactly
it was Jodie.
69
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,958
I've always been able
to do that.
70
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,960
Did Jodie find Wendy?
71
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:15,961
No.
72
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:17,462
Oh, poor guy.
73
00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:20,465
I'd love to sit here and chat,
but we got a bowling tournament.
74
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,400
Get the balls, Chuck.
75
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,901
Bob, you're not playin'.
76
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:24,403
You always throw gutter balls.
77
00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:25,871
I can't help it.
I can't help it.
78
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,906
I look down that alley,
I see those stands,
79
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:31,376
and I think I'm about
to knock off my entire family.
80
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,878
Well, you're not playin'.
That's it.
81
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:33,879
Okay, fine, fine.
82
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:34,880
I'll just sit at the bar
83
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,381
with that waitress
friend of yours
84
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,250
until she gets off work.
85
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:39,618
Michele?
86
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,086
Yeah.
87
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,956
The girl who can carry
two trays without her hands.
88
00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:48,894
Well, maybe you can
play the first game.
89
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:49,895
I knew you'd see it my way.
90
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:50,896
See you all.
91
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,899
Uh, Ma...
92
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,901
I, uh... I hate
to have to tell you this.
93
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,903
I-I know it's not a good time.
94
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,738
Danny, I'm used to it.
95
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,040
It's never a good time
to tell me anything anymore,
96
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,542
so go ahead, tell me.
97
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:07,045
Well, i-i-it's not bad news, Ma.
98
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:08,547
In fact, it's really good news.
99
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:09,881
What?
100
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,850
I'm... in love.
101
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,320
Oh, Danny, that is wonderful.
102
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,322
I am happy for you.
103
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,324
She's a wonderful girl, Ma.
104
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:23,328
Oh, tell me all about her.
What's she like?
105
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:26,732
She's Caucasian, 5-5,
about 110 pounds,
106
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,233
no distinguishing marks.
107
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:31,136
Sounds lovely.
Mm-hm.
108
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,170
Who is she?
109
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:33,672
Her name is Gwen.
110
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,008
She's a... local girl.
111
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,343
What does she do?
112
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:44,050
Well, she sorta works,
um... under cover.
113
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,388
Oh, she's a policewoman.
114
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,389
Hooker.
115
00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:54,560
Ma.
116
00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,065
Ma, it's...
117
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,566
Ma, it's not what you think.
118
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,568
Gwen only did it for the money,
119
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,070
and now, she doesn't
do it for anything.
120
00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:06,571
She promised me.
121
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,573
Danny, you are not in love.
122
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:09,574
I am.
123
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,076
You are not.
124
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,077
You just got over Polly.
125
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,578
You were very lonely,
126
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:18,583
so you went to a prostitute,
and you... You know.
127
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:21,086
Please, do not confuse
that with love.
128
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,588
But, Ma, I didn't, you know.
129
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,090
She's not that kinda girl.
130
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,029
You mean, you're in love
with a hooker
131
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,998
that you haven't even...
hooked?
132
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,868
You'll love Gwen.
Everybody does.
133
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,170
That's the problem.
134
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,707
Look, Ma.
135
00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:44,710
I know, sometimes I don't
always make the best choices,
136
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:48,648
but I keep tryin',
and she makes me happy.
137
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:51,650
I know.
138
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:59,024
If you love her,
she's probably...
139
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,893
very nice.
140
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:02,895
Thanks, Ma.
141
00:06:05,738 --> 00:06:07,899
Oh! There is one small thing
I guess I should tell you.
142
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,401
What?
143
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,969
Well...
144
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,404
somebody may be
tryin' to kill her.
145
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:19,211
Ten minutes, tops.
This will all be gone.
146
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,712
But it's okay, Ma.
147
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,715
See, I have her
in protective custody.
148
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:25,217
This poor thing, though.
She's...
149
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,219
She's really goi"
stir-crazy.
150
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,187
She needs to be around
other people.
151
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,689
Well, if somebody
were trying to kill me,
152
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,624
I'd probably feel the same way.
153
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:33,625
So it's okay?
154
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:34,626
What?
155
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,496
What's that?
156
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,497
My beeper.
157
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,498
My beeper's beeping.
158
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,900
I gotta go, Ma. Bye.
159
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,369
Danny, I... We have not
finished this conversation.
160
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:45,404
I gotta go, Ma.
161
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,905
I'm bein' beeped.
162
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,207
I've never been beeped before.
163
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,710
Burt is beeping my beeper.
164
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,211
Burt bought these beepers.
165
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,213
They're the best beepers
that bucks can buy.
166
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:57,215
I mean, when they beep,
they beep.
167
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,717
They weren't
cheap beepers either.
168
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:01,219
I believe this must be big
or Burt would never have beeped.
169
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,220
I better beat it.
170
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:04,222
Oh, Ma, thanks.
171
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:05,724
For what?
172
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,160
For saying it's okay for Gwen
to live with us.
173
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,163
Danny... Danny!
174
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,172
My gay son is in Alaska.
175
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,175
My straight son is in love
with a hooker.
176
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,679
My stepson is bowling
with a puppet.
177
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,583
Hi!
Hi, Mary. Mwah.
178
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:09,588
Jess... why are you wearing
evening gloves?
179
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,590
To protect my skin.
180
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,591
From what?
181
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,592
From life.
182
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,094
I read this article,
Mary, once that said,
183
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,096
if you always keep
your skin covered,
184
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:20,532
it'll stay like a baby's tush.
185
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,034
I'm tryin' to invent
something now to cover my face
186
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:25,037
without looking like
the elephant man.
187
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,039
Here, Mary, have some.
188
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,541
Hm.
189
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,042
What are they?
190
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,044
Croissants.
191
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,012
These are croissants?
192
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,481
Yes, I made them myself.
Heh, heh.
193
00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:40,485
Jess, croissants...
are crescent-shaped.
194
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,489
Mary, please, I was lucky
to get them off my gloves.
195
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:48,994
Now, Mary, we're going
to have a little toast.
196
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:51,496
What's the occasion?
197
00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:52,998
Well,
198
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,500
I am officially divorced.
199
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:58,003
Oh, Jess, congratulations!
200
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,006
That is what one says, isn't it?
201
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:04,009
To the lawyers. They're
the ones that cleaned up.
202
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,511
Oh.
Mary, it is unbelievable.
203
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:09,014
Two men sat down
for a few hours,
204
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:12,017
shuffled some papers together
and walked away with a fortune.
205
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:15,020
Chester and I paid for
his lawyer's condo in Aspen
206
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,022
and my lawyers condo in Maui.
207
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:20,525
They're very happy. They're
going to trade once a year.
208
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:22,527
I would love to sue them.
209
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:25,030
Only it would mean hiring
another lawyer.
210
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:27,032
How does it feel to be divorced?
211
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,534
Exactly like it feels
to be married.
212
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,036
Only you don't have a husband.
213
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:37,543
Mary, there's something that
I just got to talk to you about.
214
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:41,279
Mary, El won't.
215
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,280
Won't what?
216
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,782
You know.
217
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,485
He won't?
218
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,487
Not unless we're married.
219
00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:51,990
When I was 20, that's what
I said to Johnny.
220
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,492
What did he do?
221
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:55,994
He married me.
222
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:57,462
Oh.
223
00:09:57,463 --> 00:10:00,466
Well, that seems a little
drastic for one night of fun.
224
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:03,802
One night of fun? Please.
225
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,305
Sometimes you're lucky
you even know it happens.
226
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,642
I mean, I don't see
how that's quite possible,
227
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:14,079
unless, of course, you're
awfully caught up in a movie
228
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,014
or something, heh.
229
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:20,518
Once I did actually watch
Doctor Zhivago during...
230
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:24,022
Oh, I love that film,
231
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,024
but every time I watch it,
232
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,526
I keep hoping that
it will end better.
233
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,528
I have something
to tell you, Jess.
234
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:33,031
See, I keep hoping that
she's going to see him
235
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:36,534
from the streetcar
and get to him before he dies.
236
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:38,436
Danny's in love with a hooker.
237
00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:40,939
But it never happens.
238
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,375
Jess, she's a hooker.
239
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,345
No, Mary,
Rod Steiger forced her.
240
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:49,314
She only loved Zhivago.
241
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,218
No, Jess, not her.
Gwen.
242
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,719
Gwen?
243
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,721
Who's that Geraldine Chaplin?
244
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,224
No, Danny's girlfriend.
245
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,225
Danny?
246
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,227
That's not
a Russian name, Danny.
247
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,728
My Danny.
248
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,697
Our Danny.
249
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:09,167
Your Danny... Your Danny.
I... I thought...
250
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,670
Oh, I got confused.
Right, now.
251
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,573
Your Danny is in love
with a Russian hooker?
252
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,211
No, just a hooker.
253
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:22,180
Mary, I have an idea.
254
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,182
Do you suppose
that Danny's hooker
255
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,618
might give me some... tips?
256
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:29,587
On what?
257
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:34,092
Oh, you know, little ways
to interest El. Heh, heh.
258
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,093
What kind of tips?
259
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:38,596
Mary, I bet she knows
a lot of things.
260
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:41,599
I'd love to talk to...
Mary, invite her over. Go on.
261
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,601
I'll give her some croissants.
262
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:45,537
She's probably never
had them before.
263
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,971
Jess, take my advice.
264
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,473
Don't ask.
265
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:49,974
Well, I suppose you're right.
266
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,911
I guess it's kind of like
the Orange Julius' secret sauce.
267
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,380
They'll never tell you
what's in that either.
268
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,283
It's not so bad
when you think about it.
269
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:01,186
Corrine was married to a priest
who became a hermit.
270
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,654
Eunice is married to a murderer.
271
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,055
You were married to a murderer.
272
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,558
Now, you're with a dictator
in exile.
273
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,960
I am married to a chef
who was photographed
274
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,962
with six nude women.
275
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:12,464
Who am I to judge?
276
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:17,436
From what I can see,
Danny would be marrying up.
277
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:44,562
Jess, I am not going
to enjoy this.
278
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:46,564
Chester, it does not
matter a twit
279
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,566
whether or not you enjoy it.
280
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:49,567
You don't live here anymore.
281
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:52,070
A party for that madman.
282
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,072
Chester, there is no need
for you to be snitty.
283
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,573
Snitty?
284
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:58,576
Yes. El has lost
a whole revolution.
285
00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,079
So either be cheery
or go to the pool house.
286
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,581
Yes, dear.
287
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,085
Hey, Jess,
how are you...? Hello.
288
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,087
Whoa!
289
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,093
Security.
290
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,096
Sheriff.
291
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:19,097
Okay?
292
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,098
All right.
293
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,599
All right.
294
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,601
Okay.
295
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,604
Hi, Mary, you look beautiful.
296
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:29,107
Oh, Jess, how adorable.
297
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:31,109
What a great look
for you! Yes?
298
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:33,611
This is Malaguayan casual.
299
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:36,114
Of course, Malaguayan
eveningwear's the same
300
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,615
as Malaguayan casual.
301
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,117
Only at night you have
to blacken your face
302
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:40,618
and put a few leaves
in your helmet.
303
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,621
Mrs. Tate, may I speak
with you a moment?
304
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:46,624
Yes, Saunders,
is something the matter?
305
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:47,625
There is a man in the kitchen
306
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:49,127
picking apart
the hors d'oeuvres.
307
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,962
Taking nibbles
out of everything.
308
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,464
Saunders, don't be
too harsh on him.
309
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:56,467
You see, that's his job.
He's looking for poison.
310
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,837
You mean, if he finds poison,
he'll stop?
311
00:13:58,838 --> 00:13:59,839
Of course.
312
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,741
Excuse me.
313
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:09,748
Hey! Hey.
314
00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:12,750
Security.
315
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:16,254
Some people may be trying
to kill El Puerco.
316
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,262
Security.
317
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:26,765
Some people may be tryin'
to kill El Girlfriend.
318
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:30,768
Who was that?
319
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,270
I have no idea.
320
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:33,771
Hi!
321
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:34,772
Sorry, I'm late.
322
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:37,675
I...fell in the pool again.
323
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:40,679
Oh, my baby got all wet.
324
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,184
Stop doing that.
325
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,686
Security.
Uh, she's okay.
326
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,188
'S okay.
All right.
327
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:51,190
All right.
328
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,191
Thank you.
329
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,693
What are you thanking him for?
330
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,195
I'm just trying to be polite.
331
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,698
Hi, everybody.
Hey, Mary.
332
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,700
Huh.
333
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:03,701
Oh!
334
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:07,206
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hands off her!
335
00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:12,711
Dutch, don't you have
any regard for security?
336
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,213
Oh!
337
00:15:17,716 --> 00:15:18,717
Hey.
338
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,724
Easy, easy, you're...
You're taking off the finish.
339
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,728
Well, is he here?
Is the great one here?
340
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,735
Generalissimo, Billy Tate!
341
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:39,237
El Puercito.
342
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:46,244
It means little pig.
343
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:48,713
How sweet.
344
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,715
What on earth are you...
345
00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:51,716
Silencier!
346
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:54,218
Uh, silencio, actually.
347
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:55,720
Are you correcting me?
Is that it?
348
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:58,723
Oh, no,
El Puercito, I... Silencio.
349
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,226
Huevos rancheros, Madre.
350
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,230
De nada, Billy.
351
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:07,732
Ah, Tia Maria.
352
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:11,736
Oh, Tio Burt.
353
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:15,740
Guadalajara.
354
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,247
Uh...
355
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:25,250
I think I'm packing a rod.
Heh, heh.
356
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:30,254
Whoa.
357
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:31,756
I think she's had enough.
358
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,761
Hi, everybody.
359
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,263
Jodie, my goodness,
we missed you.
360
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:40,765
Hi, Aunt Jess,
this is Maggie Chandler.
361
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:41,766
She's helpin' me...
362
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,269
You could at least
buy me a drink first.
363
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:48,272
Maggie, it's security.
364
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:51,776
You see, we believe someone
is trying to kill Carlos.
365
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:55,279
Also, uh, someone may be
trying to kill Gwen,
366
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,782
and since Leslie's
always tryin' to kill Billy,
367
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:01,286
we figure we'll be throwing
three stones at one bird.
368
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,656
See, there's always
an explanation.
369
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:12,163
And who are you?
370
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,665
Well, I am here for ze party.
371
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,668
I'm going to help
serve ze foods, no?
372
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:20,171
Are you packing heat?
373
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,673
Pardon?
374
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:25,109
Hey, what's this?
375
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,052
Hey, you got a lot
of stuff under there.
376
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,555
Thank you.
377
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,558
Juan.
378
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,061
Psst.
Hey, imbecile.
379
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:52,537
The ex-dictator of Malaguay,
the leader of the rebellion,
380
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:57,041
which was squashed in horrible
defeat by the Communist regime,
381
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,544
the exile,
beaten and defeated...
382
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,546
All right, already, huh?
383
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:04,982
Carlos Marcello...
384
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,919
Uh, Carlos Marcello...
385
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,423
What?
Dav?d.
386
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,926
Carlos Marcello Dav?d.
387
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:19,430
Carlos... Dav?d.
388
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:22,934
Carlos Marcello Dav?d Escobar
Rodriguez "El Puerco" Valdez.
389
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:23,935
And here he is.
390
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,440
Hurray!
Hurray!
391
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:30,441
Viva, El Puerco.
392
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,943
Oh, hello, little one.
393
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,445
You know, he's very excited
to meet you, Se?or Valdez.
394
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,947
You are his hero.
Really?
395
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,951
Gracias, gracias.
396
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,955
Uh, Chuck.
What are they saying?
397
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,958
I don't know.
398
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,460
I don't speak Spanish.
399
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,965
Nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you.
400
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,967
Ah, Jessica.
Beautiful, beautiful.
401
00:18:55,968 --> 00:19:00,972
El, I want you to meet someone
who is very special to me.
402
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,974
This is my sister, Mary.
403
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,477
Your sister...?
Mary! How lovely.
404
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:09,480
You know, my blessed
mother's name was Mary.
405
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,982
You are beautiful, Mary.
406
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,917
Oh, thank you.
407
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,419
Well, your hair
is like the shining sun.
408
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,420
Gracias.
409
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:17,421
Well, I tell you,
410
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:19,924
your mother must have been
kissed by the angels
411
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,927
to have two such
beautiful daughters.
412
00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:24,929
Fabulous.
413
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,933
- El?
- Excuse me. Yes?
414
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:32,436
El, Dutch has been
practicing this all week.
415
00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:33,437
Go ahead, Dutch.
416
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:42,213
Ha, ha. Very good.
Very good!
417
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,214
I am impressed.
418
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:44,215
What did he say?
419
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:46,217
Uh, I want a seat
420
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,720
from which I can see
the hands of the pianist.
421
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:54,225
Dutch, you said the wrong thing.
422
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,227
Excuse me. Jessica, would you
like a glass of punch?
423
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,730
Oh, yes. Mary, excuse me.
Excuse us, please.
424
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:02,233
Juan Dos, check the punch, huh?
425
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,743
Too much lemon?
426
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:18,249
Everybody, may I have
your attention please?
427
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,751
You're all having so much fun.
428
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,754
I have a little
announcement to make.
429
00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:28,759
Annie and I would like
to announce our engagement.
430
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,760
Ah.
431
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,197
I suppose, as a matter of form,
432
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:35,199
I should also announce
Jessica's and my divorce.
433
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:42,206
Yeah, and, uh...
And along those same lines,
434
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:44,208
Gwen and I have
an announcement to make.
435
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:46,711
E-excuse me. I haven't
finished my announcement.
436
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:49,714
As fate would have it...
437
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,216
Whatever that means.
438
00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:54,218
Gwen and I have fallen in love.
439
00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:56,220
That's lovely.
440
00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:57,221
Very sweet.
441
00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:58,223
Thank you.
442
00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:00,726
That was beautiful.
443
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:05,229
You have no right to make
an announcement after I...
444
00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:06,230
I have an announcement to make.
445
00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:08,733
Oh, well, let's all just
make an announcement.
446
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:11,736
Maggie and I...
are an item.
447
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:21,246
Announcement:
448
00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:24,749
My son is normal.
449
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,252
I knew it.
I know you are, gosh.
450
00:21:28,253 --> 00:21:30,755
I always knew it.
I know. I know it.
451
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:33,258
Thank you for whatever you did.
452
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,761
Yeah, and whatever
it was you did,
453
00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:38,262
keep doin' it.
454
00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:40,765
I have an announcement to make.
455
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:42,266
Oh, sure!
456
00:21:42,267 --> 00:21:46,737
Dinner is ready.
Pork. No big surprise.
457
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:50,441
I think Juan Two
has bought the farm.
458
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:53,878
'S okay.
459
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:54,880
Scratch that.
460
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,381
Okay, this is really it.
461
00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:58,883
Hit the dirt!
462
00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:00,384
This time I'm really
gonna do it.
463
00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:01,886
This is the big one.
464
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,889
Uh-uh-uh.
465
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:05,890
Oh, no.
466
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:09,895
What is she doing?
467
00:22:10,862 --> 00:22:12,797
Danny, over there.
468
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,299
Assassin!
El Puerco, watch out.
469
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,304
Get him!
470
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:23,308
Danny.
471
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:26,811
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, Danny.
472
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:27,813
Mary, I'm so...
473
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:31,316
Somebody call the ambulance.
474
00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:41,058
Now that Jessica and Chester are divorced
475
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,060
and Chester and Annieare engaged,
476
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:44,562
will Eunice give Annie a shower
477
00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:46,063
or just push her into the pool?
478
00:22:46,064 --> 00:22:48,566
Who was the bullet that hitDanny really meant for?
479
00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:50,568
Is Tibbs tryingto kill Danny and Burt?
480
00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:52,570
Was he trying to kill Gwen?
481
00:22:52,571 --> 00:22:55,072
Are the Communist forcesin Malaguay trying
482
00:22:55,073 --> 00:22:57,108
to assassinate El Puercoand his allies?
483
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,176
And how badly hasDanny been wounded?
484
00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:01,178
These questions and many others
485
00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:04,182
will be answeredin the next episode of Soap.
486
00:23:04,232 --> 00:23:08,782
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