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This is the story of two sisters,
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00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,007
Jessica Tate
3
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and Mary Campbell.
4
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:14,013
These are the Tates
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00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,516
and these are the Campbells.
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:21,520
And this is Soap.
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Daddy, why are you
carrying on like this?
8
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I absolutely refuse to live
under the same roof with a man
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known as El Porko.
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Hey, big guy,
that's El Puerco, not El Porko.
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It means pig in Spanish.
12
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:11,303
Puerco is pig in Spanish.
13
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,772
This guy is Spanish, so they
don't call him the Pig.
14
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:15,274
They call him El Puerco.
15
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,709
If he was from France,
they'd call him Le Porc.
16
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:21,213
In Italy, he'd just be
plain ol' Porco.
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00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,714
Jewish is hassar.
18
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:23,715
Russian is svinya.
19
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Greek is gourouni.
20
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:26,218
And German is schwein.
21
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,093
Daddy, I'm surprised at you.
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Why?
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Because you should be happy
24
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,932
that mother and Billy are coming
home safe and sound.
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00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,900
I know.
26
00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,402
I should be.
27
00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:44,404
And yet...
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00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:49,374
Hey, Eunice is right, honey.
29
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:52,344
So, let's all just
try to get along together.
30
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,846
Right, Eunice?
31
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,849
Oh, stop it,
Ms. Congeniality.
32
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,851
Yoo-hoo!
33
00:01:58,852 --> 00:01:59,852
Oh, Mother!
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00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,854
Oh, thank God!
35
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:05,357
Jessica, Billy, family.
36
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,860
Oh, God!
37
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,862
Chester was so worried
about you.
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00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,864
We didn't know what to do.
39
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:17,069
We didn't move one bit.
40
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,071
Hello, Chester!
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00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:23,909
And you. How dare you
kidnap a man's wife,
42
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,310
take her off
to a jungle somewhere
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00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,513
with bullets flying everywhere,
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00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,848
throw her into a rowboat
in the middle of the ocean
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00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,251
with no food, no hot water.
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I have half a mind to call you
a very dirty name.
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00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,190
Ay, querida, look who's talking.
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00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,192
Have you not maligned
this lady, eh?
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00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,693
Mujeriego.
50
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:44,129
What did you call me?
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Hot trousers.
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00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,703
It's a good thing
I don't know Spanish.
53
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:54,706
First of all, she has told me
all about your fooling around
54
00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:57,209
and frankly I want to
vomitar, comprende?
55
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,710
Is that so?
56
00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:01,213
Yes, you flirt all over
the place, don't you?
57
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:06,718
In your mohair sweaters and your
hair like Ben Cartwright?
58
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,720
So don't talk to me
about mistreating your wife.
59
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:11,223
And by the way,
she is no longer your wife.
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00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,224
That's right.
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00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:16,728
She's not yours to treat like
a concubina.
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00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,731
She is my girlfriend.
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00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:25,537
And if you ever touch her again,
I will kill you.
64
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,410
Annie, say hello to Jess.
65
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,911
Welcome back, Mrs. Tate.
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00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:33,912
Thank you, dear.
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00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,414
We've really missed you.
68
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,283
Well, that's because
I wasn't here Annie.
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00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,286
Come on, El,
make yourself right at home.
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00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:43,789
Ah, Billy.
71
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,790
Oh, hi, Dad!
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00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,291
Ah, Billy...
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00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,794
I want you to know
how proud I am of you,
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00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:52,297
putting your mother's welfare
and security before yourself.
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00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,299
Here's a dollar.
76
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,802
Thanks Dad, but I have no need
for money anymore.
77
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,738
Really? How odd.
78
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,707
Give it back.
79
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,709
I found something
more important than money.
80
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,178
Something I can hold on to
through all of my life.
81
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,181
Courage, bravery, honor.
82
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:12,117
Power.
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00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,519
I have make him a general.
84
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,021
I'm going upstairs
to my quarters
85
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:17,956
and plan our counter
attack on Malaguay.
86
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:20,959
Call me in time for Chips.
87
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,896
Billy, I absolutely forbid you
to attack a third-world nation.
88
00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:26,965
I'm sorry, Dad.
I outrank you.
89
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:33,972
Oh, my manners.
El, I want you to meet my family.
90
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:36,475
Ah, and such a delightful
family you have.
91
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:37,976
You know, in my country,
we have a name
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00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,978
for families such as this.
93
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:40,979
Oh, what is that?
94
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,448
Familia.
95
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:44,483
I see.
96
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:45,984
Mrs. Tate.
97
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,986
Oh, hello, Saunders!
98
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:49,988
I'm very pleased
you have returned.
99
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:51,490
Thank you, thank you.
100
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:52,991
I have one question, however.
101
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,993
What?
Why?
102
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,429
Saunders.
Saunders, this is El.
103
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,430
El, Saunders.
104
00:04:58,431 --> 00:04:59,431
Saunders, El.
105
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:00,932
How do you do?
106
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:04,903
I want you to know that we are
all brothers under this skin,
107
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:07,406
and you should never feel any
different from anyone else
108
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,840
in this room.
109
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:11,810
Please, it's the only
solace I have.
110
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,315
Hi there!
111
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,316
Hi there!
112
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,752
Oh, this is my darling
daughter, Eunice.
113
00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:25,757
Ah, Eunice, beautiful name
for a beautiful lady.
114
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:29,761
You know, it is Greek, and it
means happy, victorious one.
115
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,763
Oh!
116
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,765
But, you know, in my country
we have a little bird
117
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:36,768
that we call peque?o p?jarito.
118
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,737
You are that little bird.
119
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:42,174
How lovely!
120
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:47,145
And what does
peque?o p?jarito mean?
121
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,648
It means "little bird."
122
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:53,618
Hi! I'm Annie.
123
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,121
Annie, you are a flower.
124
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:58,623
A flow... Oh, thank you.
125
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:01,126
Annie is
my husband's girlfriend,
126
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,627
whom we met
at my daughter's wedding,
127
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,629
and they are living
in the pool house together.
128
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,631
Your husband's girlfriend?
129
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,633
Uh-huh.
130
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,636
Oh, well, then I will
call you la ramera.
131
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:15,640
Oh, that's so pretty.
132
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:16,575
What's it mean?
133
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:17,577
Slut.
134
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,085
That's it.
135
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:30,589
That's it, Zorro.
136
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,091
Now you have done it.
Now you have really done it.
137
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:36,595
Stealing a man's wife,
turning his son against him...
138
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:39,598
That I can take, all of that.
Maybe I deserve that.
139
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:42,101
But insulting
the woman that I love.
140
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:47,039
Man, you are in it.
141
00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:53,044
Now, listen here, you twerp,
Carlos "El Puerco" Valdez
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00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:56,014
has never in his life
insult the dignity of a lady
143
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:59,851
unless she insult herself first.
144
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:02,354
Fine, I accept your apology.
145
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:10,862
Oh, uh, Eunice, what was all
that little bird stuff about?
146
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:12,864
I don't know what
you're talking about.
147
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:15,367
Oh, you're so delicate,
so fragile.
148
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,369
What a load of burritos.
149
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,874
Oh, here's Daddy.
150
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,376
Daddy, say hello.
151
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,378
Goodbye.
152
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,380
Daddy.
153
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,382
Forward my mail to Churchill.
154
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,884
I'll be staying at his place
for a few years.
155
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,387
Daddy, what is the matter?
156
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,824
A treaty is one thing,
but to live under the same roof
157
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,792
with this fascist!
Goodbye.
158
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,795
Daddy, El is not a fascist.
159
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:47,299
General?simo Franco
isn't a fascist?
160
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,302
Sir, you have me confused
with someone else.
161
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,270
I'll be Frank, Franco...
162
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:55,240
Oh, Daddy.
163
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:58,243
Lunchtime.
164
00:07:58,244 --> 00:07:59,744
Where do we pitch the tent?
165
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:02,247
What the hell is this?
166
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:08,253
Oh, Chester. Chester, I want you
to meet my dear friend, Juan.
167
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,256
Uh, this is also Juan,
whom I do not know very well,
168
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:14,759
but any friend of Juan's
is a friend of mine.
169
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,262
Uh, this is also Juan.
170
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,264
Juan and Juan are cousins.
171
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:23,268
However, Juan and Juan
are not related at all.
172
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,770
Juan, everybody.
Everybody, Juan.
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00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:26,771
Hello.
174
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,774
Juan, everybody.
Everybody, Juan.
175
00:08:30,776 --> 00:08:33,778
Juan, everybody.
Everybody, Juan.
176
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:35,280
Hi!
177
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,282
Jess, who are they?
178
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,284
My band of merry men.
179
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:45,290
You see, Chester, they were lost
at sea for days and nights,
180
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,791
and then finally,
they were rescued
181
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:47,792
by the Bumble Bee tuna boat.
182
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:50,295
Oh, it was just awful. Then...
183
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,796
Jess!
184
00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:53,298
Would you tell your band
of merry men
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00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,301
to bivouac somewhere else?
186
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:57,802
Or what?
187
00:08:57,803 --> 00:09:00,305
Or... they can stay here.
188
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,309
Oh, El.
189
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,310
Yes.
190
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:07,312
El, why do they
call you El Puerco?
191
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,814
Is the pig a sacred animal
in your country?
192
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:13,818
Oh, well, they call me El Puerco
because I like el puerco.
193
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:17,822
And the pig is not sacred,
but it is 6.98 a pound.
194
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:19,824
We've set up camp, El Puerco.
195
00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:21,326
Ah, excellente!
196
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,828
Red, I would love it
if you and your lovely family
197
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,831
could join me and my men
for lunch, eh?
198
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:31,336
Yes, for today,
El Puerco is serving el puerco.
199
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,672
We are what we eat.
200
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,175
General!
201
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:42,180
Uh, sir, with all due respect
to your daughter, um...
202
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,649
What the hell
is the matter with you?
203
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:48,153
I know what you're thinking.
Why am I still here?
204
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,655
El, I think maybe I should
explain about Daddy...
205
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:55,560
General?simo Franco, an ally of
Germany, of Japan, of Italy...
206
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,563
Why do I owe you a debt
of gratitude?
207
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:01,066
Well, it has cross my mind.
208
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:05,070
Because you have shown me that
a leopard can change his spots.
209
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,571
Major, what on earth are you...
210
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:10,542
Don't you realize what this man
has done, you nitwit?
211
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:14,547
He has captured Mussolini.
212
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,956
You could win...
213
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,791
a new car!
214
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,681
You didn't let me finish
my knock.
215
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,151
Sorry, finish it.
216
00:10:59,639 --> 00:11:01,159
That's better.
Now you're sure it's me.
217
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,662
I saw you through the peephole.
218
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,163
Nah, that's not foolproof,
219
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,500
one of Tibbs' guys might have
put on a Danny Dallas mask.
220
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,003
Flowers.
221
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,973
The old ones aren't dead yet.
222
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:15,974
Candy?
223
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,842
Gives me zits.
224
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,344
Fried wanton.
225
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,845
Coming out of my ears.
226
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:21,846
Books.
227
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:22,847
Terrific.
228
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:23,848
And a puzzle.
229
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:24,850
I hate puzzles.
230
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,787
Something is bothering you,
right?
231
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,222
Yeah, something is bothering me.
232
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:35,226
Flowers! Every day flowers.
I don't like flowers.
233
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:38,229
I got sinuses.
My nose is closing up.
234
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,231
I can't breathe with flowers.
235
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:43,234
I feel like I got a salami
stuffed up my nostrils,
236
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:45,737
and every day you give me
flowers and candy
237
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:47,739
and books and puzzles
and records.
238
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,209
Who the hell are you,
Captain Kangaroo?
239
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,712
May I tell you something?
240
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,080
What?
241
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,548
I'm trying to be pleasant,
242
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,050
and frankly, you're not
being a very good sport.
243
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:02,554
Look, Danny,
you are outside all day long.
244
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,055
You're giving out
parking tickets.
245
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,557
You're arresting people.
246
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,559
I am cooped up in here
like a parakeet,
247
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,561
so don't tell me about attitude.
248
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,562
I'm protecting you.
249
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,563
You're driving me crazy.
250
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,065
Someone may be trying
to kill you.
251
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,067
Well, if I don't get
out of here very soon,
252
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,069
somebody may be
trying to kill you.
253
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,571
It's my job, Gwen.
254
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,574
And that's all it is too.
255
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,575
Oh, yeah?
256
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,577
I happen to be crazy about you.
257
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,079
Well, I don't want you to be
crazy about me.
258
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,082
I'm sorry.
That's the way I feel.
259
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,084
So, don't feel, okay?
260
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,586
Leave me alone.
261
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,587
Why should I?
262
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:39,090
Because no matter how much
you say you like me,
263
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:42,927
I feel double that for you,
and I don't wanna...
264
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,629
because I'm gonna
wind up loving you,
265
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,098
and you're not gonna
wind up loving me.
266
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,501
Is that why you've
been acting so crazy?
267
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,970
Maybe.
268
00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:55,473
Listen you.
269
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,409
I keep you locked up
in this motel room.
270
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,311
I forbid you to see anybody,
talk to anybody,
271
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:03,748
I don't make love to you.
I hardly even look at you.
272
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:06,251
Now how can you say
I don't love you?
273
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,620
You do?
274
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,622
No.
275
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:17,562
Well, what if I do?
Is there a law against it?
276
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:22,567
Um, ahem, well, it's just that
I'm not exactly the kind of girl
277
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:25,570
a person right away brings home
to meet Mother, you know?
278
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,072
Gin.
279
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,810
Yes, you are.
280
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,144
What?
281
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,612
Coming home to meet my mother.
282
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:37,081
Oh, whoa, Danny, wait a minute.
283
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:38,583
Plus which, you're moving in.
284
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:40,084
You'll have people to talk to,
285
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,554
and Tibbs will never think
of looking for you there.
286
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,522
What a great idea?
287
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:47,392
First thing tomorrow morning,
I'm gonna tell my mother,
288
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:48,393
so don't object.
289
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,828
Who's objecting?
I'm packing.
290
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:04,976
Hey, there's my room.
291
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:07,979
It's a nice room.
292
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,414
Here's your door.
293
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,882
And in we go.
294
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:11,850
All right.
That's it.
295
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,852
Get the light.
Very good.
296
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,787
Oh!
297
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,788
Uh.
298
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,791
Maggie, I should never
have had the second helping of...
299
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,292
guacamole.
300
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,795
You never should've had
that fifth of tequila.
301
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,297
Oh, yeah. Whew.
302
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,799
Okay. Here you go.
Lay down.
303
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,800
Oh. Okay.
304
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,301
Just move over a little bit.
305
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,307
Maggie, somebody stole the bed.
306
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,810
Just hold on a second.
Here I come.
307
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,311
Okay.
308
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:43,715
Jodie, you know, you're not
gonna find Wendy in a bottle.
309
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,719
Yeah, well, we're
not gonna find Wendy, period.
310
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,721
Ah!
311
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,223
Come on, now don't
talk like that.
312
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,225
We are right on
the Carol's trail.
313
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,727
You heard what
the fire-eater said.
314
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,129
She left for Alaska
two days ago.
315
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,631
Yeah. But where
in Alaska?
316
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:00,632
Juno.
317
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,601
No, I don't know.
We don't even have a clue.
318
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,103
Juno.
319
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:08,107
Well, if I knew,
I must have forgot.
320
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,544
You're drunk, Jodie.
321
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:15,546
You really think so?
322
00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:17,482
Yes, I do.
323
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,484
Come on, come on, now.
You need your rest.
324
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,486
We'll get an early
start tomorrow.
325
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,988
That's it. Put your feet up.
There, there you go.
326
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,990
No, no, no, wait!
327
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:28,993
Come on, help me. That's it.
328
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,495
Okay.
329
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,497
Stay.
330
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,000
Okay? Now, you
go to sleep. All right.
331
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,403
Get a good night sleep.
I'll see you in the morning.
332
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:40,371
Okay.
Okay.
333
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,373
Where are you going?
334
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,375
To my room.
335
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,744
Do you want me to walk you?
336
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:48,746
Good night, Jodie.
337
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,248
Maggie, don't go...
338
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,750
I... I wanna talk to you.
339
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,620
You're in no condition
to talk, Jodie.
340
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,555
You get some sleep.
341
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,023
We'll talk in the morning, okay?
342
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:03,461
No, Maggie,
I'll be sober in the morning,
343
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,930
and I won't be able to say
to you what I wanna say
344
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,332
if I am not drunk.
345
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,335
Okay...
346
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,273
What is it, Jodie?
347
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:17,843
I don't know if I can
tell you while I'm drunk.
348
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:19,645
Tell me.
349
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:21,613
I like you.
350
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:24,082
I like you, too, Jodie.
351
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:29,822
No, Maggie. I mean
I "like you" like you.
352
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,429
I get the picture.
353
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,732
An... An... And don't you think
that's a little strange,
354
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,234
coming from me?
355
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:45,670
I mean, I'm a cupcake.
356
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,507
The last time I felt
this way about somebody,
357
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,010
they had a beard.
358
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,911
Well, Jodie,
we have been spending
359
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,813
an awful lot of time
together lately,
360
00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:57,715
and we have become very close.
361
00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,118
And you've have had little
bit too much to drink tonight,
362
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,087
so, um, I think its natural
that you would feel this way.
363
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:06,924
No, Maggie, I like you
because you're a woman.
364
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:09,761
That's what so crazy.
You've got me thinking things
365
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,597
I never thought I'd think
about a woman.
366
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,465
Maggie, what did I just say?
367
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:17,235
You said, you like me
because I'm a woman.
368
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,670
That's what I thought I said.
369
00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:24,342
Well, I might as well admit it.
I've been attracted to you too.
370
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,744
I don't know why.
371
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,679
Maybe it's 'cause
I couldn't have you.
372
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,681
I'm very good at that:
373
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,650
falling for impossible men.
374
00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:38,723
You give me a married gay man
who lives in China...
375
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,158
I'm in love.
376
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,660
Well, forget it.
377
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,662
I don't fool around
with clients.
378
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:47,165
Yeah, and I don't
fool around with women.
379
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,880
Hello, sir, it's nice
to see you again.
380
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:39,851
Hello, Ben, how are you?
381
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,853
Uh, Burt, sir.
It's Burt.
382
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,789
What's Burt?
383
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,190
My name.
384
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,159
Of course, it is.
385
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,094
How are you?
386
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:51,095
I am fine, sir, I'm just...
387
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:54,599
I'm just fine. Uh...
388
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,968
Thank you very much
for making time to see me.
389
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,903
It's been so long
since I've been in church
390
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,405
that when I needed to talk,
391
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,908
I ran right back
to my old boyhood pastor.
392
00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:06,411
And who is that?
393
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,147
Uh, you, sir.
394
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,049
Yes.
395
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:16,854
Well, I see that you've been
promoted as, uh, bishop.
396
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:20,291
Yes.
397
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,293
What's troubling you?
398
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:29,534
Uh, well, sir, I... I think
I'm having a crisis of faith.
399
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,536
Now, I know I haven't been
to church in a long time,
400
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:35,039
but that doesn't mean
I haven't been a religious man.
401
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,376
I have been.
I truly have been.
402
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:42,813
But, lately I've been having
a lot of trouble believing, sir.
403
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:43,814
In what?
404
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,685
Uh, in God.
405
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,655
Of course.
406
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:53,658
Now, sir, you know, I really
don't like to question.
407
00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:58,663
It's just that I'm having just
a lot of trouble understanding,
408
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,598
if you know what I mean.
409
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,067
I wanted to do good.
I wanted to help my fellow man.
410
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:05,536
So I ran for sheriff.
411
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:10,541
And now that I'm sheriff,
instead of him helping me,
412
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:14,378
he seems to be making things
really very, very difficult.
413
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:18,249
I... I tried to clean up
this town, and what happens?
414
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,251
Winds up I get blackmailed.
415
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:21,752
People calling me on the phone,
416
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:26,691
sayin' terrible things to me
and my family.
417
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:29,193
I hardly ever seen my wife
and baby anymore.
418
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:30,695
I mean, where's the sense
in that, sir.
419
00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,197
I mean, where's the logic?
420
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:40,071
This all may turn out to be
what I call an Alvin.
421
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,074
It's named after Harry Alvin.
I know you don't know who he is,
422
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,077
I don't know he is either.
423
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:51,983
Harry Alvin is some guy I just
read about in the newspaper.
424
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:55,486
He's like 40 years old
and then last year
425
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:59,991
had two heart attacks, kidney
failure, cerebral hemorrhage,
426
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,994
triple bypasses and survives.
427
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:08,799
And then
a couple of weeks ago...
428
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:13,704
uh, he was riding his bike
in the park,
429
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:21,212
and two guys jumped him,
murdered him and took his bike.
430
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:22,713
I mean, you know, Harry Alvin
431
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,215
went through a whole year
of hell
432
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,217
and winds up getting shot
for his Schwinn.
433
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,220
Where is the sense in that?
434
00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:30,722
Where's the logic?
435
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:39,030
That's what I call an Alvin,
and who knows,
436
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:40,965
this may turn out to be
an Alvin too.
437
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,500
I don't know.
What I'm saying here
438
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:43,501
is that it's these Alvins
439
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,503
that I don't understand.
440
00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:47,505
It's these Alvins
that don't make sense
441
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:49,508
and are making me lose faith.
442
00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:54,513
And that's why I came here
today, sir. That's it.
443
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,418
Sir.
444
00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:08,726
S...
445
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:39,925
Is this your answer?
446
00:22:50,102 --> 00:22:53,070
Now that El Puerco and
his three Juans will be living
447
00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:55,573
in the Tate house, will Chesterlearn how to tango?
448
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:57,074
Since Jodie and Maggiehave admitted
449
00:22:57,075 --> 00:22:59,076
that their businessrelationship maybe more
450
00:22:59,077 --> 00:23:01,445
than just business, will ithurt their relationship?
451
00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:04,014
Now that Danny suggestedGwen live with the Campbells,
452
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:05,015
will the shadow know?
453
00:23:05,016 --> 00:23:07,017
Now that Burt has boredthe Bishop to death,
454
00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:08,519
will he go to confession?
455
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,020
These questions and many others
456
00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:13,858
will be answeredin the next episode of Soap.
457
00:23:13,908 --> 00:23:18,458
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