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Subs created by: David Coleman.

You know, I'm all for a wedding updo, but...

Frankenstein's Bride really took things to new heights.

Hey, who would you rather marry?

Frankenstein the monster, or the crazy Doctor Frankenstein?

Well, my dad would want me to marry the Doctor but,

I have to say, I find those neck bolts strangely attractive.

- Excuse me? - The Doctor.

[Gasps]

Ooh, ooh! I'm getting one of those things again. Uh...

- An idea? - Oh! Yeah, yeah!

Okay, we should wear these tonight when we go trick-or-treating!

Oh! I love it.

- Knock-knock. - Who's there?

- Chocolate time. - Candy dance. Break it down.

- What? Uh... what? - [Both scatting]

- Do it, do it. - Uh uh.

Are you guys actually doing a trick-or-treat candy dance?

That depends. Is that a disgusted, condescending, mocking tone in your voice?

No!

I totally respect you for being immature babies still stuck in your childhood.

Immature babies, huh?

Well, for your information, this one, has a thing for guys with neck bolts.

- I totally do. - [Sighs]

[Thunder breaks]

- They're alive! Alive! - [Woman screams]

Come on! Let's get tricky. Let's go creepy. Get it started.

- Do it. Start it. Keep it. - Tricky, tricky. Tricky.

Oh, let's get tricky. Come on, let's get tricky.

Let's go creepy. Get it started.

- Do it. Start it. Keep it. - Tricky, tricky. Tricky.

Oh, let's get tricky.

[Woman screams]

I love a little bit of darkness. Lurkin' the shadows. Slitherin' around.

What's that in the corner? Everybody gonna scream when the lights go out.

So creepy, creepy. So freaky, freaky. Do you wanna trick or treat me?

In the late night. Wolves is howlin'. In the silence. Please believe me.

Come on, ghouls and goblins. Yeah!

We don't want no zombies here!

- Gimme all of that candy now. - Halloween and it's going down.

Come on and move your feet. As we rock it to the beat.

It's your trick. It's your treat. It's a party in the street.

Let's get freaky, creepy and all bugged out.

Very scary. We all about.

Monster ball and we rah-rah-rah.

Terrified, you scream and shout.

Come on, let's get tricky. Let's go creepy. Get it started.

- Do it. Start it. Keep it. - Tricky, tricky. Tricky.

Oh, let's get tricky. Come on, let's get tricky.

Let's go creepy. Get it started.

- Do it. Start it. Keep it. - Tricky, tricky. Tricky.

Oh, let's get tricky.

Let's get tricky.

- Let's get tricky. - [Woman screams]

[Audience cheering]

Everybody, everybody, get out on the floor.

It can get a little crazy when the kick hits the 4.

Make a scene, make a scene, nobody can ignore.

Don't knock it. 'Til you rock it. We can't take it no more.

Bring the lights up, bust the doors down.

All together now. Shake It Up, Shake It Up.

Shake It Up.

[Music]

Why do we care what some random dancer on the show thinks about us trick-or-treating?

I couldn't agree more.

I mean, we still know plenty of people who still go T-or-T-ing, right?

I mean, there's... there's Amber from the fourth floor, my Cousin Tyler, Flynn.

Anyone we haven't babysat?

Okay, look, all I'm saying is, you're never too old to go T-or-T-ing, right?

Really? Because, uh, you don't see a lot of grown-ups

going door-to-door with pillow cases.

Uh, sure, you do. They're just called...

Robbers.

Oh, who am I kidding?

[Sighs] Maybe that girl was right, and we're just too old for trick or treating.

Oh, thanks a lot, random dancer.

We don't even know your name, and you ruined Halloween for us.

So, I guess it's time. Trick-or-treating is dunzo.

We just have to give it up cold turkey.

Yeah, I mean, it's not like we've never given up any little kid stuff before.

We don't still drink from sippy cups, do we?

[Scoffs] Right?

Ooh!

How about instead of trick-or-treating, we go to a Halloween party?

Great idea. Did you get invited to any parties?

No. Did you?

I did, but then they didn't invite you, so it made it, like, really awkward for me.

Wait, really?

No! I don't know anyone you don't know.

So, then what are we gonna do tonight?

Well, we are not children anymore, okay? We...

- Oh, okay. - Are grown ups.

So instead of celebrating Halloween, we'll celebrate Mature-o-ween.

I love it! Two sophisticated women celebrating Mature-o-ween. [Chuckles]

Ween! [Chuckles]

Oh, ladies, do you know what time it is? Oh wait, I do. It's chocolate time!

Candy dance, break it down!

Oh, sweet, young, immature Flynn.

I remember when we would do the candy dance.

Yeah, I remember that too.

It was this morning.

Look, Flynn, our candy-begging nights are behind us.

We're too old for that. We don't trick or treat anymore.

Shut your pumpkin pie-hole. Are you out of your gourd?

Listen and listen good, you two jack-o-lanterns,

I'm never going to give up Halloween.

You're going to have to pry that trick-or-treat bag out of my cold...

Dead hands!

Aw, Flynn, you're just a little boy. Don't you ever grow up.

That's right. Little Flinny-winny wants to go twick-o-tweeting for candy.

First of all...

Ow and ow!

Okay? And second, are you implying that I'm a baby?

Aw, someone's cwanky. Did you need a nap?

I actually could use a nap, but that's beside the point.

The point is, that I am not a baby!

Now...

If you'll excuse me, there's a place mat and

some crayons waiting for me at Crusty's.

Good day!

Well, you're not going to believe this.

CeCe and Rocky think I'm a little kid.

Not now, little man.

Deuce and I are getting tickets for tonight's Halloween movie scare-a-thon.

See, they took the word "marathon"...

And combined it with the word...

"Scare".

Yes, I understand pun theory.

I'll need an aisle seat. Those movie drinks go right through me.

Sorry, little man, you're too young and you'll get scared.

Besides, it's only one child per guardian, and I'm already bringing Deuce. [Chuckles]

I find that highly insulting.

Me too, okay? I am not a child!

Oh! My mistake. Oh, you're totally a man.

And that's why you passed out when you found out

your dad bought the scary old Hofnagle place.

- I accidentally skipped lunch that day! - Yeah.

Okay, are you talking about the haunted Hofnagle place?

Where little Stevie Hofnagle lived in the 1970s

before he went berserk one Halloween night...

And now the house is haunted by his vengeful,

fanatical, leisure suit-wearing ghost?

Yep, that's the one.

My dad bought it as an investment.

He says, that with new plumbing and some marigolds in the front yard,

people will forget that it's a portal for all the demons of the underworld.

I've got an idea.

Let's see which one of us is really the scared kid.

I'll bet you guys can't stay four hours in the Hofnagle house tonight.

And that's a bet you'd win.

I wouldn't stay four minutes at that creepy place, marigolds or no marigolds.

I think what my tough and macho friend here means is, what are the stakes?

Well, if you guys get scared and leave, then you treat me to the scare-a-thon.

And, if I get scared and leave, then I pay your way and stay home.

Done.

Wait a minute, guys. Okay, uh, what about option number three?

I pay for everything, we don't go to the Hofnagle house,

and we ride bumper cars. That's scary.

Aah!

One for you and one for you!

Enjoy those raisins, kids. They're nature's candy!

Plus, they keep you regular! You can't put a price on that!

[Sighs]

Okay, so, our next activity on our first annual Mature-o-ween...

Ween! [Chuckles] It's funny every time, Rocky.

As I was saying, our next activity is knitting.

Knitting? Why don't we just drop our teeth in a glass

of bubbles and gum our way down to the bingo hall?

CeCe, knitting is very retro-chic, okay?

I'm gonna make a hat, and you are going to make a toilet paper cozy.

What's the difference?

One goes on your head, the other goes in the head. [Chuckles]

That's a good one, huh?

Just a little bit of my knit-wit. [Chuckles]

What? You laugh at ween!

Come on, Rocky. There's got to be something more grown-up we can do besides knitting.

Oh, I know! You're never too young to start planning for your retirement.

Knock-knock... who's there?

Savings time! My dance.

Knitting, it is!

Whoa.

Check it out.

Yeah, this place is cool.

[Whimpers]

Deuce, would you get in here?

This place is creepier than I thought.

I might not last four hours till the scare-a-thon.

[Exhales]

I can do this.

I can do this, you know? It's... it's not so bad.

- Are you sure, Deuce? - [Screams]

Calm down, calm... look, it's just a, a rundown, old, abandoned house.

You're right, you're right.

But the air in here is really musty.

So, I think I'll just pop home, and grab my air purifier, tuck myself into bed,

you guys can call me in the morning and let me know how it went.

Oh, uh, while you're out, you might want to pick up a box of manhood!

Don't listen, Deuce. You and I, we feel it.

There's something sinister lurking.

Something truly horrifying.

He's right. It is horrifying. I don't blame Stevie.

If I had a TV that small, I'd go cuckoo too.

[Knock on door]

Trick or moo, smell my shoe.

Give me something good to chew!

Dina, is that you in there?

No, CeCe, it's an actual cow with a spot-on Dina impression.

Uh, why are you trick or treating?

Why wouldn't I be? You guys were my first stop.

Aw, my place is her first stop.

Yeah. Everyone knows if you get here too late, your ma has eaten all the good candy.

Hey, what are you two supposed to be? What kind of costumes are those?

[Scoffs] Actually, we don't do that anymore, okay?

We are celebrating Mature-o-ween.

[Chuckles]

Ween!

Thank you!

Anyway, we just realized we're too old for T-or-T-ing.

And FYI, so are you.

I think you should really join us.

Unless you have...

Udder plans.

[Chuckles]

- Man, you are on fire tonight. - I know!

[Gasps] Ooh, will we be bobbing for apples?

I always win. It's one of the few times having a big mouth is an advantage.

Um, no, actually, we were knitting,

and now we're going to round off the night with a movie.

We're going to watch Shores, "a gripping, grown-up drama"

"about two best friends helping each other through life's journey".

Ooh, Shores.

That is mature.

My ma watches it with my Aunt Shirley whenever she gets dumped.

It happens a lot. Aunt Shirley has an annoying voice.

[Thunder breaking]

And everyone wondered where little Stevie Hofnagle and his family went.

The only thing anyone knows for sure, is that the plumbing...

Never worked right again.

In fact, sometimes, late at night, people walking by claim to hear flushing.

- [Breathing heavily] - Flushing!

- [Whimpers] - Flushing!

- [Toilet flushes] - [Screaming]

Ooh, man!

Do not go in there.

If it wasn't haunted before, it sure is now. [Chuckles]

Deuce, why're you so pale?

Oh, I was just worried you might be scared.

Uh, you know, but looks like everything is cool. So...

Deuce, what's that all over your hand? Why is it all red?

It's blood! It's blood! It's Hofnagle blood!

Save me, please! I'm too young to die! [Sobbing]

Mmm, raspberry jam.

And they say there's nothing good on TV. [Chuckles]

Woman 1: How could we know that was our last summer at the shore?

Woman 2: The last clam dig.

Woman 1: The last bonfire.

Woman 2: The last flip-flop.

The last time I watch this manipulative tearjerker!

Both: Shh!

Woman 1: Our summers were gone, but like Patty's new glass eye...

Our friendship would last forever.

Patty and I would always be sisters by the shore.

[Both sobbing]

Just a few minutes ago, they were so young!

That's life. Here one day, and then, gone the next.

You gotta make it count!

I love you guys!

- I love you too. - I love you too.

It's just like Patty said on that fateful night she

stole her Father's car to meet her future ex-husband...

"You only get one chance to shake your tambourine".

That's it! Put away the knitting needles and

don't bother explaining to me what a 401k is.

We now join Halloween, already in progress. Mature-o-ween is officially over!

No, CeCe. We turned a page, okay?

Our trick-or-treating days are behind us.

Both: Halloween. Halloween. Halloween.

- We are grown up, sophisticated women. - Both: Halloween. Halloween.

There is nothing you two can say or do to make me change my mind.

Both: Halloween. Halloween.

[Chuckles]

Ween! Okay, it is kinda funny.

Welcome to the dark side, sister!

[Music]

Come on, you don't need costumes.

You can just go as the two girls who realized they gave up Halloween too early.

CeCe: Here we come!

What are you two supposed to be?

I'm a bowl of spaghetti!

I'm the Tin Man.

Oh, sure!

Now I see it!

[Cell phone beeps]

Ooh, I downloaded a candy locator app.

It beeps when houses turn their lights off.

If we don't hit the road right now,

the only thing people are gonna still be giving out...

Is advice.

All right. Bags, check. Costumes, check. Candy locator app, check.

Ladies, it's time.

There is nothing that can stand in our way now.

Please help me. I'm lost.

That's so sad.

But we only have an hour left to trick-or-treat, so good luck with that.

CeCe!

We have to help the kid.

[Cell phone beeps]

Two more houses have just gone dark!

Candy, Rocky! Let's go!

Look, just because we want to go trick-or-treating

does not mean we get to avoid doing the mature and responsible thing here.

I think the mature and responsible thing would be

to teach this kid to be self-sufficient, don't you?

Fine, we'll do it your way.

Well, look at that.

Only an hour left in this house until you have to pay for our movie.

I don't know about that. Your man looks a little bit scared.

You know, it's actually not that bad.

I'm kinda getting used to it in here.

Good job, Deuce. I'm proud of you. High-five.

You're a zombie! A zombie!

Oh, by the way, I really like butter on my popcorn.

I feel like I'm already at a horror movie, and I've seen this scene before.

Deuce, how many times have you screamed like that tonight?

Eight.

And all eight times, what did it turn out to be?

Something Flynn did to try and scare us.

So, next time something scary happens, what are you going to do?

Well, I'll tell you this much. I will not scream like a little girl.

- Right. - [Thunder breaks]

- [Ghost moaning] - [Screaming]

Quick! Get out of the house! Get out of the house!

It's the ghost of Stevie Hofnagle! Run! Run for your life!

We'll all meet at the multiplex.

No! No! [Sobbing]

Get it together, man.

Well, look at that.

Fishing line, bed sheet, and a little dummy.

Yeah, I guess it is kind of a sad excuse for an actual person.

- I was referring to Deuce. - So was I.

There, there.

There, there.

Aah! Not there, there!

This costume is rented.

The kid doesn't even know his own phone number, what do we do now?

I say we drop him at the pound, and hopefully, someone will claim him.

CeCe, he's a lost child, not a Cockapoo!

[Chuckles]

Poo.

- I'll handle this. - [Sighs]

Hi, Sweetie.

Look, I know you're scared, but don't worry okay, you are in good hands.

I am an honors student.

Wow, do you really have to bring that up at every opportunity?

Uh-oh. They're down to just toothpaste on Cooper Street!

Either you two get moving, or it's every cow for herself.

All right, we're going to take you home. Do you at least know your address?

Thirty-five Melby Lane.

Where's that?

I don't know, Dina. Why don't you get off your candy app and look it up?

Okay, so...

Candy-wise, are your parents bite-size people or full-size people?

What? We're going there anyway!

[Thunder breaks]

Wow, uh, your family really goes all out for Halloween.

Actually, it's always like this. It's even worse inside.

Well, we're down to the last few minutes.

I'd say you lost the bet, little man.

You've been an admirable opponent.

And you've been a simpering, crying bowl of jelly.

And I thought CeCe had the messiest house in town.

Ooh. Roast on ghost.

Oh, who are you kidding?

Your place may look cool on Halloween, but those cobwebs are there year-round.

[Door Bell rings]

Oh, man.

Okay, it's just a doorbell. Keep it together, Deuce.

Why is someone ringing the doorbell?

[Screams]

It's a bowl of spaghetti!

Wait, that's not scary.

- Hey, Dina. - Hi, boo.

She said, "boo". I'm surprised you didn't scream.

Wait, what are you guys doing here?

I'm about to win a free trip to the movies.

What are you guys doing here at the Hofnagle house?

Wait, no, no, no, no. This can't be the Hofnagle house.

We just found a lost kid who lives here, and we're just bringing him back home.

What, what lost kid?

He's right... wait, he was, he was just here, where did he go?

Great. We lost the lost kid.

Wait, are you sure he said he lives here?

Because nobody's lived here for 40 years.

Yeah, he said he lived at 35 Melby Lane.

Oh, look!

That's his picture right there!

But, that's the little... that's little Stevie Hofnagle.

Wait.

Wait a minute. So, you're saying,

the little lost kid that just suddenly disappeared was really...

All: The ghost of Stevie Hofnagle!

[All scream]

Oh, come on. You all are being ridiculous, all right?

There's no haunted house, there's no ghost and there's no Stevie Hofnagle!

Want to bet on it?

[Thunder rumbling]

[Screams]

[All scream]

[Chuckles]

I can't believe they fell for it.

Ah... thanks, Byron.

I can't believe they actually thought you were a ghost.

And they think I'm a baby.

[Music]

Well, that scare-a-thon was great.

All three minutes of it.

Yeah, Deuce, I can't believe you got us kicked out.

It's not my fault I screamed so much.

Would it really kill them to turn up the lights a little in the theater?

Well, what movie are we going to watch now?

I'm sorry I can't deal with any more scary stuff.

But don't worry, I picked a great movie for us to watch.

Which one?

Shores!

[Screaming]

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