All language subtitles for Se03.Ep11.[A.Penny.And.A.Nicole].NF.Web-DL.Eng.en.HI

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai Download
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,384 Alex, your papi will be here any minute. 2 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,593 So get off your butt, 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,637 turn all the pillows to their good side, 4 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,681 and hide the ugly one in the closet. 5 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,892 Why are we cleaning for Papi anyway? 6 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,644 We're cleaning for his new girlfriend. 7 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,647 And there's no way I'm gonna let that woman think that we live like sucios. 8 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,860 I cleaned under the bathroom sink. 9 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:30,488 So Papi's girlfriend will be impressed if she decides to steal a tampon. 10 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,951 So, what is the deal with your papi? 11 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,453 I'm here for you, mija. 12 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,123 I can go from zero to flipping this table. 13 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,291 Así. 14 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,794 I...I'm a little nervous to see him, 15 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,465 but he says he's sober, and he says he's okay with me being gay. 16 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,050 You never know with him, 17 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,844 so keep one hand under the table just in case. 18 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,014 And, Lupe, this new novia, 19 00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:59,100 am I pulling her hair? Am I spitting in her café? 20 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,313 It's fine. You know, I'm happy for him. 21 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,106 She's probably blonde and thin 22 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,942 and really excited to graduate college. 23 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:10,361 [knocking on door] 24 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,947 [Penelope] Oh, here we go. All right, everybody, let's all be nice 25 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,575 to the Instagram model we'll probably never see again, okay? 26 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,747 - Hey! - Papi! 27 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,750 Hey, wow! Looking good, Lupe. 28 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,251 - Thank you. - Yeah. 29 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,629 So is the place. Hey. 30 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:28,880 Ugly pillow in the closet? 31 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,131 You know it. 32 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,257 So, you look good too. 33 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,219 Where's...uh, Baby? I mean, Blondie. I mean, your girlfriend. 34 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,013 Hey. [chuckles] 35 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,824 [both] Hi! 36 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,284 [laughs] Oh, wow! 37 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,246 Dang! Papi's got a type. 38 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,127 - Uh, come in. Come in. - Oh, okay. 39 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,712 - I love your hair. - Oh, I love your hair. 40 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:13,883 Is that a ring? 41 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,554 Uh, well, um, 42 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,099 I thought we had a few more minutes of small talk before we got there, 43 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,976 but, um, yeah. 44 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,019 Nicole is my fiancée. 45 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,940 - Surprise! [chuckles] - [exclaims] 46 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,650 [grunts] 47 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,826 [pants] 48 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,538 I don't have it. 49 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,124 {\an8}♪ This is it ♪ 50 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:50,670 {\an8}♪ This is life, the one you get So go and have a ball ♪ 51 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:52,964 {\an8}♪ This is it ♪ 52 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,427 {\an8}♪ Straight ahead and rest assured You can't be sure at all ♪ 53 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:03,016 {\an8}♪ So while you're here, enjoy the view Keep on doing what you do ♪ 54 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,143 {\an8}♪ Hold on tight We'll muddle through ♪ 55 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,561 {\an8}♪ One day at a time ♪ 56 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,189 {\an8}♪ So, up on your feet ♪ 57 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,941 {\an8}♪ Somewhere there's music playing ♪ 58 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,527 ♪ Don't you worry none ♪ 59 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,530 ♪ We'll just take it like it comes ♪ 60 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,115 ♪ One day at a time ♪ 61 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,826 ♪ One day at a time ♪ 62 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,162 ♪ One day at a time ♪ 63 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:31,044 - ♪ One day at a time ♪ - ♪ One day at a time ♪ 64 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,921 ♪ One day at a time ♪ 65 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,923 {\an8}Thank you for being so welcoming. 66 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,842 {\an8}I know it must be awkward, Victor coming by with his new fiancée. 67 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,469 {\an8}You think? 68 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,848 {\an8}It's not awkward. It's just surprising. 69 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:47,101 {\an8}You know, like, "Oh, that guy won the election? Really?" 70 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:50,104 {\an8}But it worked out fine. 71 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,483 {\an8}[stammering] Listen, I am sorry. 72 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,569 {\an8}I just didn't want to introduce you until things got really serious, 73 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,614 {\an8}but then they got really serious... really fast. 74 00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:03,243 {\an8}Alex, I am so excited to meet you. 75 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:06,162 {\an8}You're even more handsome in person than you are in photos. 76 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,374 {\an8}All right! Welcome to the family. 77 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,505 {\an8}And, Elena, your papi has told me so much about you. 78 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,258 {\an8}Just so I know, what are your preferred pronouns? 79 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,094 {\an8}Oh! 80 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,139 {\an8}Well, my pronouns are she and her, 81 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,976 {\an8}and Syd, my significant other, identifies as they. 82 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,229 {\an8}Thank you for asking. 83 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,983 {\an8}"She, they." How do we keep people straight? 84 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,859 {\an8}So you wanna keep people straight? 85 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,779 {\an8}No, Elena, that's not what I meant. 86 00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:40,989 {\an8}[in unison] Okay. 87 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,162 {\an8}My little sister, Mia, identifies as queer, 88 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,499 and she's teaching me how to be an ally so I can pass it on to my students. 89 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,042 - Oh, you're a teacher? - Yeah. 90 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,962 I'm a special education teacher at an elementary school. 91 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:56,921 Isn't she amazing? 92 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,798 Yeah, and age-appropriate. 93 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:02,552 Nothing to hate. [laughs] 94 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,971 [chuckles] 95 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:08,266 Did you think I was going to be some young, blonde flaquita? 96 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,268 [laughs] 97 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,899 This is gonna put me in therapy. 98 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,027 [door opens] 99 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,988 - Hey, Pen. What up, hombre? - Whoa. 100 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:22,989 [laughs] Hey! 101 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,699 So, where's this girlfriend? Hey, Pen. 102 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:25,867 Wait. What? 103 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:30,121 Hey, Schneider, uh, this is my fiancée, Nicole. 104 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,333 What? Fiancée? That's great. 105 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,376 - Wait. Am I mad about this? - All good. 106 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,962 - Locked it down, dawg! - Yeah. 107 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,131 - So, you got a best man yet? - Uh, no, no. 108 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,428 What's with the arms? 109 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:49,098 You don't have a lot of friends in LA, so obviously, I'm your best man. 110 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,767 I'm gonna plan your bachelor party. 111 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:55,313 Hashtag Vic-turn it up. [chuckles] 112 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,066 No, no, I don't need any of that. 113 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,651 Nicole's friends are throwing her a little bachelorette thing, 114 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,862 and I'm just gonna take Elena and Alex to dinner. 115 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:07,158 A dad-chelor party! [laughs] 116 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:08,284 I could work with that. 117 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,161 I'll go get my cargo shorts and braided belt. 118 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:12,830 [door closes] 119 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,332 Does he understand he's not invited? 120 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,541 Not since I've known him. 121 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:17,919 Well, we should get going. 122 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,339 It was so lovely to meet you. 123 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,467 It was so great to meet you. Thank you so much for those flowers. 124 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,928 - Gracias, linda. - Mucho gusto. 125 00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:29,055 - [Lydia] Nice to meet you. - [Penelope] Have a good time. 126 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:32,183 [Lydia] Hey, listen, don't be a stranger. [chuckles] 127 00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,893 I can't stand her! 128 00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,065 Mami, she's fine. 129 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,901 But who is she trying to fool with that sexy laugh? 130 00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:47,365 Ay, paquete! The whole situation is very, very fishy. 131 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,742 Well, he's marrying his rebound, so... [scoffs] 132 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,285 And you have had more rebounds. 133 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,081 As I heard it on the SportsCenter, 134 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,458 whoever has the most rebounds wins. 135 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,462 And now, you have Mateo. 136 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:05,299 Right! That guy. He is so sweet. He's been texting me all morning. 137 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,009 I gotta text him back. 138 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,805 I don't know. Something is off with Victor. 139 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,598 - It's too quick. - Hmm. 140 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:16,185 I am going to keep an eye on him and his new bae. 141 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,022 I will be on bae watch. 142 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:21,941 Okay. 143 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:25,778 But let's not get all worked up about Nicole and Victor. 144 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,698 They're going on with their lives, and we should go on with ours. 145 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,283 I'm so freaking mad! 146 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:36,080 I'm the one that turned that mess into that sexy hyena's dream man. 147 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:40,251 I get that you're upset, Penelope, 148 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:43,171 but I think the group is having a hard time following you. 149 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,755 Her ex got his crap together, 150 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,757 and now, he's engaged to a woman named Nicole. 151 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:47,925 Keep up, Pam. 152 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:53,306 - [sighs] - So, he went from a Penny to a Nicole? 153 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:57,143 [all laughing] 154 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,105 - That's funny. - Shut up! 155 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,108 This sucks! 156 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,152 Why do you think this is so activating? 157 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:10,615 Is there a part of you that imagined you and Victor would get back together? 158 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:11,782 Hell no, Pam. 159 00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,243 [sighs] It's like this. 160 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,121 Let's say you took in a stray dog. 161 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,458 You fed him, bathed him, 162 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,960 busted your butt to get him healthy. 163 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,505 Then that dog up and ran away. 164 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,007 A few years later, you're watching a dog show, 165 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,842 and guess who won the blue ribbon? 166 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,886 That damn mutt you saved! 167 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,263 You trained that dog. 168 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,267 You deserve that ribbon, and that dog should die alone. 169 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,650 I'm not sure that's the healthiest response. 170 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,360 You should have had him neutered. 171 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:48,611 - Exactly. - Yes. 172 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,906 I know a shady vet. Want me to hook it up? 173 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,450 - Ramona. - [scoffs] It's not fair! 174 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,245 You know, he's moving on, and I've got no one. 175 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,412 What about Mateo? 176 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,456 Right, that guy. I gotta text him back. 177 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,337 It's clear that this encounter has triggered some insecurities. 178 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,383 I recommend some quiet time alone 179 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:13,219 so that you can really process these feelings. 180 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,848 I'm getting over this tonight! 181 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,934 [all] Whoo! 182 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:27,483 As the front-runner for best man, 183 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,403 I got you a little something for your dad-chelor party. 184 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,655 Bam! 185 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,448 "V.A.G"? 186 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,577 Victor Alvarez Guapísimo. 187 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,915 Yeah, I'm not wearing a hat that says vag. 188 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,544 I'll wear it. 189 00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,845 [cawing] 190 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,058 Lydia, what are you doing here? 191 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:05,021 I need you to invite me to the party so I can spy on Victor. 192 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:05,980 I think... 193 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,316 I think he's drinking again. 194 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:12,069 What? No, that's crazy. He's sober. He wouldn't drink. 195 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,280 No, I don't think he's sober anymore. 196 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,116 When he drinks, he's impulsive and irrational, 197 00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:20,703 and that is why he is rushing into a marriage 198 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,830 with dollar-store Lupita. 199 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,336 Come on. Victor's sober. 200 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,379 Sure, he's had his hard days. 201 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,839 I know that better than anybody. 202 00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,091 But he's committed. He has too much to lose. 203 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:38,554 I'm just worried about the children. I don't want to see them hurt again. 204 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,099 Y por eso, I must watch his every move. 205 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,643 But what if he sneaks off to the bar? 206 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,478 I recruited a spy. 207 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,028 Oh, hi. 208 00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,782 Wow! I barely recognized you, Dr. B. 209 00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,909 Don't say my name. 210 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,994 Tonight, I am undercover. 211 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,704 Another mudslide, Mr. Iglesias? 212 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,082 Sí, señor. 213 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,876 And keep them coming. 214 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,300 - [sighs] - Look who I found. 215 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,594 [laughs] She's my plus-one. Hope that's okay. 216 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,929 Yeah, sure. 217 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,723 Wouldn't be a dad-chelor party without my ex-wife's mother. 218 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,103 What are you wearing? [gasps] "VAG"? 219 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,232 Oh! 220 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:35,820 Victor Alvarez Guapísimo. 221 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,073 I want one. 222 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:44,286 Seriously? A special ed teacher? 223 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,206 The one thing you can't make fun of? 224 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,377 She did that on purpose. 225 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,963 Another round, ladies? 226 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,216 - Sorry. Our Uber's here. - Ugh! Bye. 227 00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:59,427 - [whines] - [Jill] I'm out too. 228 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:03,848 The last time I had this many shots, I slept with my weed delivery guy. 229 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,016 [laughs] 230 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,476 So, later, locas. 231 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,438 I'm staying. 232 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,524 Oh, yes! Ramona, my ride or die! 233 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,526 Hey, have a seat. Two more, please. 234 00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:18,154 [Penelope] You know, maybe Pam was onto something. 235 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,242 Like, maybe I...I...I am hung up on this 236 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:27,204 because I'm insecure about where I'm at in my life. 237 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,373 But you got no reason to be, though. 238 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,334 You're raising two smart kids. 239 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,420 You got a boyfriend blowing up your phone. 240 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:38,007 - Right, that guy! I gotta text him back. - [Ramona] Yeah. 241 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,217 You're about to be a nurse practitioner. 242 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,095 And your body is tight! 243 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,555 I'm telling you, lady, 244 00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:47,975 if you were gay, and my knees weren't arthritic... 245 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,229 I would get down there... 246 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,355 Whoa! 247 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,483 What? 248 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,861 Propose to you. Ew! Get your mind out of the gutter! 249 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,031 But how drunk are you? 250 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,618 [both laughing] 251 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,746 Seriously, Penny, forget Nickel. 252 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:14,543 You are the baddest bitch in here. 253 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,462 It's my bachelorette party, 254 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,798 and I'm the baddest bitch in here! 255 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,008 [all] Whoo! 256 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,725 I know that this is all happening really quick, 257 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,685 so I wanted to talk to you guys. 258 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,270 Oh, yes, tell us. 259 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,440 Yeah, let's crack that egg open and get right to the yolk. 260 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,152 [sighs] Uh, well... 261 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,279 I was thinking it would be, uh, just me and the kids, 262 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,949 but, um...okay. [laughs] Uh... 263 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:49,036 Well, I know this seems fast, but Nicole is a really great person, 264 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,163 and I would love it if you guys would get to know her. 265 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,249 So I hope you can spend some time with us this week. 266 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,420 Papi, before I answer, I need to know something. 267 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,758 Does your hotel have a pool? 268 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,556 [sighs, chuckles] 269 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,182 Yes. 270 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:11,976 Then I'm in. 271 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,732 So...[chuckles] Nicole is from Portland, huh? 272 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,444 I hear they have a huge LGBTQ+ community. 273 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,781 Oh, yeah, they have a parade, like, every week. [scoffs] 274 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,575 Oh, is that a bad thing? 275 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,577 No. No. I... 276 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,620 I mean, when I'm trying to get to work, it is, 277 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,665 but, uh, well, that would be true of a...of a straight parade. 278 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,209 [stammers] I'm anti-parade. 279 00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,627 Yeah. 280 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:43,424 [clears throat] Anyway, Nicole's sister, Mia, she goes to them all the time. 281 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:47,136 Oh, so, you're cool with her. Did you go to her quinces? 282 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:58,480 Why don't you use this awkward moment to refresh my rum and Coke? 283 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,777 It is weaker than a woman who claims that childbirth is painful. 284 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:08,741 Okay. 285 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,286 What a gentleman, huh? 286 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:13,954 I gotta go to the bathroom. 287 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,707 If there's gonna be a big, dramatic scene, wait till I get back. 288 00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,043 Of course. I can't flip this table by myself. 289 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:25,966 Uh, can we make this rum and Coke fit for a Cuban grandma? No Coke. 290 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,093 Good order. 291 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,222 I also like a rum and Coke-caine. 292 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,851 Excuse me? 293 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:40,314 Oh, I was just saying how much I enjoy the occasional soda, 294 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:44,401 especially...with a little happy juice. 295 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,071 - Uh...Hey. - Oh! 296 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,031 Cheers. 297 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,034 - Oh. Okay. Uh... - [laughs] 298 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,535 Thank you. Thanks. 299 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:54,954 Uh, but this isn't my drink. 300 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,246 Oh, come on. 301 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,667 It's not like I'm some honey trap. 302 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,087 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you okay? 303 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,381 You're looking a little, uh, unsteady there, buddy. 304 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,092 Says the guy with three heads. 305 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:09,593 Wow. 306 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,387 You know, I've been there. 307 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,264 Listen, if...if you ever want to quit, 308 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,141 give me a call. 309 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,226 I'll save a seat for you. 310 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,478 Yeah. Uh, can we call a cab for this guy? 311 00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:20,604 Just add it to my bill. 312 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:23,899 Bless your heart. 313 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,457 [all cheering] 314 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,628 You know what me and her ending up at the same bar is? 315 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,046 A beatdown waiting to happen. 316 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,509 I know a lawyer who can make it look like she started it. 317 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,970 - Want me to hook it up? - No! 318 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,014 It's a sign. 319 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,684 I need to tell Nicole the truth about the man she's gonna marry. 320 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,310 Yeah, I don't think... 321 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:01,979 Hey, girl. 322 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,738 Penelope. 323 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,908 Uh, everyone, this is Victor's ex-wife. 324 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,243 [all] Oh! 325 00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:20,622 I know. I told you, right? She's gorgeous. 326 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,961 Penelope, sit. Be a unicorn with me. 327 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,590 - [slurring] Right, but we do need to talk. - Yes, yes. Yeah. 328 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,259 Before you say anything, can I just say... 329 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:35,804 thank you? 330 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,015 For what? 331 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,060 For being an amazing woman 332 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,645 who pushed Victor to be the man he is today. 333 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:48,317 He told me every horrible thing he put your through 334 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,818 when he was at his lowest, 335 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:54,031 and the fact that you had the strength to leave him 336 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,784 so that he could realize that he needed to get help, 337 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,703 and how you managed to salvage the relationship 338 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,789 between him and your kids. 339 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,832 [sighs] Girl! 340 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,920 [laughing] Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. 341 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,255 I'm sorry for interrupting. What did you want to tell me? 342 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,759 [all cheering] 343 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,804 You're so beautiful. 344 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,433 You're so beautiful. 345 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,311 [in unison] We're so beautiful! 346 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:26,396 [both laughing] 347 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,861 [both sigh] 348 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,197 [sniffling] 349 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,200 I came here tonight... 350 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,954 to get drunk and forget about you and Victor. 351 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:45,207 And it's not because I'm not over him. I am. 352 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:52,214 I cried for months until I had no tears left. 353 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,134 But I became whole again. 354 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:59,263 And I love the life I've built as a single mom. 355 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,644 But selfishly, I want him to be miserable. 356 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,690 And I totally get that. 357 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,109 If it's any comfort, 358 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,278 he was miserable for a really long time. 359 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:16,947 [scoffs] Till he became Mr. Perfect. 360 00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,115 [laughs] Oh! 361 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,825 Victor's not perfect. 362 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,869 But I love him. 363 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,665 He makes me laugh. He makes me feel safe. 364 00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,878 When I think about something bad happening to him... 365 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,840 I get so upset. [laughs] 366 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,051 I just can't picture my life without him. 367 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:42,264 I mean, it's inevitable. Women live longer. I'll bounce back. 368 00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,101 [sighs] 369 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,731 I'm sorry. [laughs] This isn't helping you feel better, is it? 370 00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:52,816 No. 371 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,029 But I know what you mean. 372 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,200 You're marrying the love of your life, and that's really special. 373 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:07,497 Victor tells me that you are dating a really sweet guy, Mateo. 374 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,752 Right. That guy. [laughs] 375 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,546 I gotta text him back. 376 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,511 - Did I miss anything? - We were talking about the wedding. 377 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,554 I'm available. 378 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:26,183 Unless it's at the end of September. Early spring's no good either. 379 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,311 Oh, and I'd love to keep my summer open. Why don't I just send you some dates? 380 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:31,772 Alex, Elena? 381 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,524 Can I count on you two being there? 382 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,862 Papi, I'll come to all of your weddings if you come to all of mine. 383 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,032 Oh, my God. 384 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:45,202 Well...great. [chuckles] 385 00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:47,871 Elena? 386 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,292 I want to lay down some ground rules. 387 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,670 I'm not gonna hide the fact that I'm gay. 388 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:56,964 Okay. 389 00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,091 And I'm definitely going to wear my white suit. 390 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,260 No. No, absolutely not. 391 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,179 I knew it. 392 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,764 This is all a show, 393 00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,016 but you are never gonna be okay with who I am. 394 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:13,063 Elena, you can't wear the white suit because you need to wear a tuxedo. 395 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:14,856 What? 396 00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:18,277 I want you and Alex to be my best man and my best woman. 397 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:19,861 Best people. 398 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,199 I mean, if Elena's cool with it. 399 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,080 I mean, you really want me to be your best woman? 400 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,919 I...I would love that. Yes. [chuckles] 401 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,797 This is so sweet. 402 00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,590 Nepotism. 403 00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:45,429 Victor, what a lovely gesture! 404 00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:47,431 Thank you. Thank you, Lydia. 405 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:50,267 I'm really happy with my life now. 406 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,061 Turns out this whole not drinking thing is good for me. 407 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:55,230 I never doubted you. 408 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:10,329 Feeling horny? 409 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,042 Oh! [laughs] 410 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,760 I'm sorry I was ignoring your texts. 411 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:26,845 That's okay. 412 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,098 I wanted to talk to you about something, 413 00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:33,310 not necessarily while you smell of tequila returning from... 414 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:34,728 Therapy. 415 00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:37,397 No, but... 416 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,149 Now. Let's talk now, yeah? 417 00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:40,275 Okay. 418 00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:44,112 Well, what I wanted to say is... 419 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:48,367 I started talking to my ex-wife again, 420 00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:51,370 and we decided to give it another shot. 421 00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:53,914 Oh. 422 00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:56,208 Oh, man! 423 00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,044 I know. 424 00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,588 No, it's because I was coming over to break up with you. 425 00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:02,798 What? 426 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,549 See, it's like this, Mateo. 427 00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,885 When I think about something bad happening to you, 428 00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:08,136 I...I don't get upset. 429 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,597 In fact, I don't even care. 430 00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:12,557 Wow. 431 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:14,518 Sick burn! 432 00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:20,399 I...That's not how I meant it. 433 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:22,192 [sighs] 434 00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:24,069 I think you're great. 435 00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:26,196 And I care about you. 436 00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,408 But what we have...had... 437 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,495 It's nice, but it's not... 438 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:34,538 Yeah. 439 00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:41,503 Anyway, I'm glad that we're both on the same page. 440 00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,256 This is good. 441 00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,927 I know it might be weird at first... 442 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:53,223 but eventually, do you think we could be friends again? 443 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,267 Of course. 444 00:23:58,645 --> 00:23:59,604 On one condition. 445 00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,605 What's that? 446 00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:03,817 If anyone at school asks, I dumped you. 447 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:04,943 [laughs] 448 00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:07,737 [both laugh] 449 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,115 [announcer talking on TV] 450 00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:12,033 - Oh. - [TV turns off] 451 00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:14,369 Hey, how was it? 452 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,871 Great. I'm gonna be the best man, 453 00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:18,123 and Elena's gonna be the best woman at Papi's wedding. 454 00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,917 I'm gonna rock a tux like Diddy at the Met Gala. 455 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:21,835 Ooh! 456 00:24:22,335 --> 00:24:25,297 And I'm gonna rock my tux like Jacques Dubochet. 457 00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:30,260 He won a Nobel Prize for chemistry. 458 00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:31,970 Hello! 459 00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:34,973 [laughing] Okay, that's great. 460 00:24:35,056 --> 00:24:37,392 Mami, Dr. Berkowitz called for you. 461 00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:41,146 Oh, right, that guy. [chuckles] 462 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,900 I gotta text him back. 463 00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,867 So, I guess things went well. 464 00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:55,243 They did. 465 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:58,163 It was nice to have some quality time with the kids... 466 00:24:58,246 --> 00:24:59,372 and your mother... 467 00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:01,541 - and your landlord. - Oh. 468 00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:02,751 [chuckles] 469 00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:08,590 Not that you need it, but I totally approve of Nicole. 470 00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:12,802 You really pulled your life together. I'm happy for you. 471 00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:16,014 Thank you. Thank you. 472 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,225 That really means a lot to me. 473 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:27,025 Listen, I don't know exactly how to say this, 474 00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:27,943 so I'll just say it. 475 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,280 I don't want Schneider around the kids anymore. 476 00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:35,534 What? Why not? 477 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:36,576 He's drinking again. 478 00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:39,204 And who knows what else? 479 00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:42,791 No. No, no way! No, he's eight years sober. 480 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:45,835 He went to the bathroom four times, and he smelled like mouthwash. 481 00:25:45,919 --> 00:25:46,878 I know all the tricks. 482 00:25:48,338 --> 00:25:51,258 Look, I know he's your friend, but this is about the kids. 483 00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:53,009 Look into it. 484 00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:55,804 I'm really sorry. 485 00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,104 [door closes] 486 00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:11,027 [theme music playing] 35786

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.