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1
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,384
Alex, your papi will be here any minute.
2
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,593
So get off your butt,
3
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,637
turn all the pillows to their good side,
4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,681
and hide the ugly one in the closet.
5
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,892
Why are we cleaning for Papi anyway?
6
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,644
We're cleaning for his new girlfriend.
7
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,647
And there's no way I'm gonna let
that woman think that we live like sucios.
8
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,860
I cleaned under the bathroom sink.
9
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:30,488
So Papi's girlfriend will be impressed
if she decides to steal a tampon.
10
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,951
So, what is the deal with your papi?
11
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,453
I'm here for you, mija.
12
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,123
I can go from zero to flipping this table.
13
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,291
Así.
14
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,794
I...I'm a little nervous to see him,
15
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,465
but he says he's sober,
and he says he's okay with me being gay.
16
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,050
You never know with him,
17
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,844
so keep one hand under the table
just in case.
18
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,014
And, Lupe, this new novia,
19
00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:59,100
am I pulling her hair?
Am I spitting in her café?
20
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,313
It's fine. You know, I'm happy for him.
21
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,106
She's probably blonde and thin
22
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,942
and really excited to graduate college.
23
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:10,361
[knocking on door]
24
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,947
[Penelope] Oh, here we go.
All right, everybody, let's all be nice
25
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,575
to the Instagram model
we'll probably never see again, okay?
26
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,747
- Hey!
- Papi!
27
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,750
Hey, wow! Looking good, Lupe.
28
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,251
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
29
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,629
So is the place. Hey.
30
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:28,880
Ugly pillow in the closet?
31
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,131
You know it.
32
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,257
So, you look good too.
33
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,219
Where's...uh, Baby? I mean, Blondie.
I mean, your girlfriend.
34
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,013
Hey. [chuckles]
35
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,824
[both] Hi!
36
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,284
[laughs] Oh, wow!
37
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,246
Dang! Papi's got a type.
38
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,127
- Uh, come in. Come in.
- Oh, okay.
39
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,712
- I love your hair.
- Oh, I love your hair.
40
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:13,883
Is that a ring?
41
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,554
Uh, well, um,
42
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,099
I thought we had a few more minutes
of small talk before we got there,
43
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,976
but, um, yeah.
44
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,019
Nicole is my fiancée.
45
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,940
- Surprise! [chuckles]
- [exclaims]
46
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,650
[grunts]
47
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,826
[pants]
48
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,538
I don't have it.
49
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,124
{\an8}♪ This is it ♪
50
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:50,670
{\an8}♪ This is life, the one you getSo go and have a ball ♪
51
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:52,964
{\an8}♪ This is it ♪
52
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,427
{\an8}♪ Straight ahead and rest assuredYou can't be sure at all ♪
53
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:03,016
{\an8}♪ So while you're here, enjoy the viewKeep on doing what you do ♪
54
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,143
{\an8}♪ Hold on tightWe'll muddle through ♪
55
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,561
{\an8}♪ One day at a time ♪
56
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,189
{\an8}♪ So, up on your feet ♪
57
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,941
{\an8}♪ Somewhere there's music playing ♪
58
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,527
♪ Don't you worry none ♪
59
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,530
♪ We'll just take it like it comes ♪
60
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,115
♪ One day at a time ♪
61
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,826
♪ One day at a time ♪
62
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,162
♪ One day at a time ♪
63
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:31,044
- ♪ One day at a time ♪- ♪ One day at a time ♪
64
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,921
♪ One day at a time ♪
65
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,923
{\an8}Thank you for being so welcoming.
66
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,842
{\an8}I know it must be awkward,
Victor coming by with his new fiancée.
67
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,469
{\an8}You think?
68
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,848
{\an8}It's not awkward. It's just surprising.
69
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:47,101
{\an8}You know, like,
"Oh, that guy won the election? Really?"
70
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:50,104
{\an8}But it worked out fine.
71
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,483
{\an8}[stammering] Listen, I am sorry.
72
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,569
{\an8}I just didn't want to introduce you
until things got really serious,
73
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,614
{\an8}but then they got really serious...
really fast.
74
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:03,243
{\an8}Alex, I am so excited to meet you.
75
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:06,162
{\an8}You're even more handsome in person
than you are in photos.
76
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,374
{\an8}All right! Welcome to the family.
77
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,505
{\an8}And, Elena, your papi has told me
so much about you.
78
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,258
{\an8}Just so I know,
what are your preferred pronouns?
79
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,094
{\an8}Oh!
80
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,139
{\an8}Well, my pronouns are she and her,
81
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,976
{\an8}and Syd, my significant other,
identifies as they.
82
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,229
{\an8}Thank you for asking.
83
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,983
{\an8}"She, they."
How do we keep people straight?
84
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,859
{\an8}So you wanna keep people straight?
85
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,779
{\an8}No, Elena, that's not what I meant.
86
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:40,989
{\an8}[in unison] Okay.
87
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,162
{\an8}My little sister, Mia,
identifies as queer,
88
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,499
and she's teaching me how to be an ally
so I can pass it on to my students.
89
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,042
- Oh, you're a teacher?
- Yeah.
90
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,962
I'm a special education teacher
at an elementary school.
91
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:56,921
Isn't she amazing?
92
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,798
Yeah, and age-appropriate.
93
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:02,552
Nothing to hate. [laughs]
94
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,971
[chuckles]
95
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:08,266
Did you think I was going to be
some young, blonde flaquita?
96
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,268
[laughs]
97
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,899
This is gonna put me in therapy.
98
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,027
[door opens]
99
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,988
- Hey, Pen. What up, hombre?
- Whoa.
100
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:22,989
[laughs] Hey!
101
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,699
So, where's this girlfriend?
Hey, Pen.
102
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:25,867
Wait. What?
103
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:30,121
Hey, Schneider, uh,
this is my fiancée, Nicole.
104
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,333
What? Fiancée? That's great.
105
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,376
- Wait. Am I mad about this?
- All good.
106
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,962
- Locked it down, dawg!
- Yeah.
107
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,131
- So, you got a best man yet?
- Uh, no, no.
108
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,428
What's with the arms?
109
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:49,098
You don't have a lot of friends in LA,
so obviously, I'm your best man.
110
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,767
I'm gonna plan your bachelor party.
111
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:55,313
Hashtag Vic-turn it up.[chuckles]
112
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,066
No, no, I don't need any of that.
113
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,651
Nicole's friends are throwing her
a little bachelorette thing,
114
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,862
and I'm just gonna take
Elena and Alex to dinner.
115
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:07,158
A dad-chelor party! [laughs]
116
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:08,284
I could work with that.
117
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,161
I'll go get my cargo shorts
and braided belt.
118
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:12,830
[door closes]
119
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,332
Does he understand he's not invited?
120
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,541
Not since I've known him.
121
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:17,919
Well, we should get going.
122
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,339
It was so lovely to meet you.
123
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,467
It was so great to meet you.
Thank you so much for those flowers.
124
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,928
- Gracias, linda.- Mucho gusto.
125
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:29,055
- [Lydia] Nice to meet you.
- [Penelope] Have a good time.
126
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:32,183
[Lydia] Hey, listen, don't be a stranger.
[chuckles]
127
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,893
I can't stand her!
128
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,065
Mami, she's fine.
129
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,901
But who is she trying to fool
with that sexy laugh?
130
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:47,365
Ay, paquete! The whole situation
is very, very fishy.
131
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,742
Well, he's marrying his rebound, so...
[scoffs]
132
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,285
And you have had more rebounds.
133
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,081
As I heard it on the SportsCenter,
134
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,458
whoever has the most rebounds wins.
135
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,462
And now, you have Mateo.
136
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:05,299
Right! That guy. He is so sweet.
He's been texting me all morning.
137
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,009
I gotta text him back.
138
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,805
I don't know.
Something is off with Victor.
139
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,598
- It's too quick.
- Hmm.
140
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:16,185
I am going to keep an eye
on him and his new bae.
141
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,022
I will be on bae watch.
142
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:21,941
Okay.
143
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:25,778
But let's not get all worked up
about Nicole and Victor.
144
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,698
They're going on with their lives,
and we should go on with ours.
145
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,283
I'm so freaking mad!
146
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:36,080
I'm the one that turned that mess
into that sexy hyena's dream man.
147
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:40,251
I get that you're upset, Penelope,
148
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:43,171
but I think the group
is having a hard time following you.
149
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,755
Her ex got his crap together,
150
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,757
and now, he's engaged
to a woman named Nicole.
151
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:47,925
Keep up, Pam.
152
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:53,306
- [sighs]
- So, he went from a Penny to a Nicole?
153
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:57,143
[all laughing]
154
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,105
- That's funny.
- Shut up!
155
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,108
This sucks!
156
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,152
Why do you think this is so activating?
157
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:10,615
Is there a part of you that imagined
you and Victor would get back together?
158
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:11,782
Hell no, Pam.
159
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,243
[sighs] It's like this.
160
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,121
Let's say you took in a stray dog.
161
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,458
You fed him, bathed him,
162
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,960
busted your butt to get him healthy.
163
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,505
Then that dog up and ran away.
164
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,007
A few years later,
you're watching a dog show,
165
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,842
and guess who won the blue ribbon?
166
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,886
That damn mutt you saved!
167
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,263
You trained that dog.
168
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,267
You deserve that ribbon,
and that dog should die alone.
169
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,650
I'm not sure
that's the healthiest response.
170
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,360
You should have had him neutered.
171
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:48,611
- Exactly.
- Yes.
172
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,906
I know a shady vet.
Want me to hook it up?
173
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,450
- Ramona.
- [scoffs] It's not fair!
174
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,245
You know, he's moving on,
and I've got no one.
175
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,412
What about Mateo?
176
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,456
Right, that guy.
I gotta text him back.
177
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,337
It's clear that this encounter
has triggered some insecurities.
178
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,383
I recommend some quiet time alone
179
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:13,219
so that you can really process
these feelings.
180
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,848
I'm getting over this tonight!
181
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,934
[all] Whoo!
182
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:27,483
As the front-runner for best man,
183
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,403
I got you a little something
for your dad-chelor party.
184
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,655
Bam!
185
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,448
"V.A.G"?
186
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,577
Victor Alvarez Guapísimo.
187
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,915
Yeah, I'm not wearing a hat that says vag.
188
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,544
I'll wear it.
189
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,845
[cawing]
190
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,058
Lydia, what are you doing here?
191
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:05,021
I need you to invite me to the party
so I can spy on Victor.
192
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:05,980
I think...
193
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,316
I think he's drinking again.
194
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:12,069
What? No, that's crazy.
He's sober. He wouldn't drink.
195
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,280
No, I don't think he's sober anymore.
196
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,116
When he drinks,
he's impulsive and irrational,
197
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:20,703
and that is why he is rushing
into a marriage
198
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,830
with dollar-store Lupita.
199
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,336
Come on. Victor's sober.
200
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,379
Sure, he's had his hard days.
201
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,839
I know that better than anybody.
202
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,091
But he's committed.
He has too much to lose.
203
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:38,554
I'm just worried about the children.
I don't want to see them hurt again.
204
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,099
Y por eso, I must watch his every move.
205
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,643
But what if he sneaks off to the bar?
206
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,478
I recruited a spy.
207
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,028
Oh, hi.
208
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,782
Wow! I barely recognized you, Dr. B.
209
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,909
Don't say my name.
210
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,994
Tonight, I am undercover.
211
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,704
Another mudslide, Mr. Iglesias?
212
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,082
Sí, señor.
213
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,876
And keep them coming.
214
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,300
- [sighs]
- Look who I found.
215
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,594
[laughs] She's my plus-one.
Hope that's okay.
216
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,929
Yeah, sure.
217
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,723
Wouldn't be a dad-chelor party
without my ex-wife's mother.
218
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,103
What are you wearing?[gasps]
"VAG"?
219
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,232
Oh!
220
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:35,820
Victor Alvarez Guapísimo.
221
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,073
I want one.
222
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:44,286
Seriously? A special ed teacher?
223
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,206
The one thing you can't make fun of?
224
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,377
She did that on purpose.
225
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,963
Another round, ladies?
226
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,216
- Sorry. Our Uber's here.
- Ugh! Bye.
227
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:59,427
- [whines]
- [Jill] I'm out too.
228
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:03,848
The last time I had this many shots,
I slept with my weed delivery guy.
229
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,016
[laughs]
230
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,476
So, later, locas.
231
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,438
I'm staying.
232
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,524
Oh, yes! Ramona, my ride or die!
233
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,526
Hey, have a seat. Two more, please.
234
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:18,154
[Penelope]
You know, maybe Pam was onto something.
235
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,242
Like, maybe I...I...I am hung up on this
236
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:27,204
because I'm insecure
about where I'm at in my life.
237
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,373
But you got no reason to be, though.
238
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,334
You're raising two smart kids.
239
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,420
You got a boyfriend blowing up your phone.
240
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:38,007
- Right, that guy! I gotta text him back.
- [Ramona] Yeah.
241
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,217
You're about to be a nurse practitioner.
242
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,095
And your body is tight!
243
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,555
I'm telling you, lady,
244
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:47,975
if you were gay,
and my knees weren't arthritic...
245
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,229
I would get down there...
246
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,355
Whoa!
247
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,483
What?
248
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,861
Propose to you. Ew!
Get your mind out of the gutter!
249
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,031
But how drunk are you?
250
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,618
[both laughing]
251
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,746
Seriously, Penny, forget Nickel.
252
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:14,543
You are the baddest bitch in here.
253
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,462
It's my bachelorette party,
254
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,798
and I'm the baddest bitch in here!
255
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,008
[all] Whoo!
256
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,725
I know that
this is all happening really quick,
257
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,685
so I wanted to talk to you guys.
258
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,270
Oh, yes, tell us.
259
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,440
Yeah, let's crack that egg open
and get right to the yolk.
260
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,152
[sighs] Uh, well...
261
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,279
I was thinking it would be,
uh, just me and the kids,
262
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,949
but, um...okay. [laughs] Uh...
263
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:49,036
Well, I know this seems fast,
but Nicole is a really great person,
264
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,163
and I would love it
if you guys would get to know her.
265
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,249
So I hope you can spend some time
with us this week.
266
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,420
Papi, before I answer,
I need to know something.
267
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,758
Does your hotel have a pool?
268
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,556
[sighs, chuckles]
269
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,182
Yes.
270
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:11,976
Then I'm in.
271
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,732
So...[chuckles]
Nicole is from Portland, huh?
272
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,444
I hear they have a huge LGBTQ+ community.
273
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,781
Oh, yeah, they have a parade,
like, every week. [scoffs]
274
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,575
Oh, is that a bad thing?
275
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,577
No. No. I...
276
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,620
I mean, when I'm trying to get to work,
it is,
277
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,665
but, uh, well, that would be true
of a...of a straight parade.
278
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,209
[stammers] I'm anti-parade.
279
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,627
Yeah.
280
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:43,424
[clears throat] Anyway, Nicole's sister,
Mia, she goes to them all the time.
281
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:47,136
Oh, so, you're cool with her.
Did you go to her quinces?
282
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:58,480
Why don't you use this awkward moment
to refresh my rum and Coke?
283
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,777
It is weaker than a woman
who claims that childbirth is painful.
284
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:08,741
Okay.
285
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,286
What a gentleman, huh?
286
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:13,954
I gotta go to the bathroom.
287
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,707
If there's gonna be a big, dramatic scene,
wait till I get back.
288
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,043
Of course.
I can't flip this table by myself.
289
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:25,966
Uh, can we make this rum and Coke fit
for a Cuban grandma? No Coke.
290
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,093
Good order.
291
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,222
I also like a rum and Coke-caine.
292
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,851
Excuse me?
293
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:40,314
Oh, I was just saying
how much I enjoy the occasional soda,
294
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:44,401
especially...with a little happy juice.
295
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,071
- Uh...Hey.
- Oh!
296
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,031
Cheers.
297
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,034
- Oh. Okay. Uh...
- [laughs]
298
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,535
Thank you. Thanks.
299
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:54,954
Uh, but this isn't my drink.
300
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,246
Oh, come on.
301
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,667
It's not like I'm some honey trap.
302
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,087
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you okay?
303
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,381
You're looking
a little, uh, unsteady there, buddy.
304
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,092
Says the guy with three heads.
305
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:09,593
Wow.
306
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,387
You know, I've been there.
307
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,264
Listen, if...if you ever want to quit,
308
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,141
give me a call.
309
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,226
I'll save a seat for you.
310
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,478
Yeah. Uh, can we call a cab for this guy?
311
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:20,604
Just add it to my bill.
312
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:23,899
Bless your heart.
313
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,457
[all cheering]
314
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,628
You know what me and her ending up
at the same bar is?
315
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,046
A beatdown waiting to happen.
316
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,509
I know a lawyer who can make it look
like she started it.
317
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,970
- Want me to hook it up?
- No!
318
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,014
It's a sign.
319
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,684
I need to tell Nicole the truth
about the man she's gonna marry.
320
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,310
Yeah, I don't think...
321
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:01,979
Hey, girl.
322
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,738
Penelope.
323
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,908
Uh, everyone, this is Victor's ex-wife.
324
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,243
[all] Oh!
325
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:20,622
I know. I told you, right? She's gorgeous.
326
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,961
Penelope, sit. Be a unicorn with me.
327
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,590
- [slurring] Right, but we do need to talk.
- Yes, yes. Yeah.
328
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,259
Before you say anything, can I just say...
329
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:35,804
thank you?
330
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,015
For what?
331
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,060
For being an amazing woman
332
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,645
who pushed Victor
to be the man he is today.
333
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:48,317
He told me every horrible thing
he put your through
334
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,818
when he was at his lowest,
335
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:54,031
and the fact that you had the strength
to leave him
336
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,784
so that he could realize
that he needed to get help,
337
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,703
and how you managed
to salvage the relationship
338
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,789
between him and your kids.
339
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,832
[sighs] Girl!
340
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,920
[laughing]
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say.
341
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,255
I'm sorry for interrupting.
What did you want to tell me?
342
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,759
[all cheering]
343
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,804
You're so beautiful.
344
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,433
You're so beautiful.
345
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,311
[in unison] We're so beautiful!
346
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:26,396
[both laughing]
347
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,861
[both sigh]
348
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,197
[sniffling]
349
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,200
I came here tonight...
350
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,954
to get drunk
and forget about you and Victor.
351
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:45,207
And it's not because I'm not over him.
I am.
352
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:52,214
I cried for months
until I had no tears left.
353
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,134
But I became whole again.
354
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:59,263
And I love the life I've built
as a single mom.
355
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,644
But selfishly, I want him to be miserable.
356
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,690
And I totally get that.
357
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,109
If it's any comfort,
358
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,278
he was miserable for a really long time.
359
00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:16,947
[scoffs] Till he became Mr. Perfect.
360
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,115
[laughs] Oh!
361
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,825
Victor's not perfect.
362
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,869
But I love him.
363
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,665
He makes me laugh.
He makes me feel safe.
364
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,878
When I think
about something bad happening to him...
365
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,840
I get so upset. [laughs]
366
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,051
I just can't picture my life without him.
367
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:42,264
I mean, it's inevitable.
Women live longer. I'll bounce back.
368
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,101
[sighs]
369
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,731
I'm sorry. [laughs]
This isn't helping you feel better, is it?
370
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:52,816
No.
371
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,029
But I know what you mean.
372
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,200
You're marrying the love of your life,
and that's really special.
373
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:07,497
Victor tells me that you are dating
a really sweet guy, Mateo.
374
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,752
Right. That guy. [laughs]
375
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,546
I gotta text him back.
376
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,511
- Did I miss anything?
- We were talking about the wedding.
377
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,554
I'm available.
378
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:26,183
Unless it's at the end of September.
Early spring's no good either.
379
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,311
Oh, and I'd love to keep my summer open.
Why don't I just send you some dates?
380
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:31,772
Alex, Elena?
381
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,524
Can I count on you two being there?
382
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,862
Papi, I'll come to all of your weddings
if you come to all of mine.
383
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,032
Oh, my God.
384
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:45,202
Well...great. [chuckles]
385
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:47,871
Elena?
386
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,292
I want to lay down some ground rules.
387
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,670
I'm not gonna hide the fact that I'm gay.
388
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:56,964
Okay.
389
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,091
And I'm definitely going
to wear my white suit.
390
00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,260
No. No, absolutely not.
391
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,179
I knew it.
392
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,764
This is all a show,
393
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,016
but you are never gonna be okay
with who I am.
394
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:13,063
Elena, you can't wear the white suit
because you need to wear a tuxedo.
395
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:14,856
What?
396
00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:18,277
I want you and Alex
to be my best man and my best woman.
397
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:19,861
Best people.
398
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,199
I mean, if Elena's cool with it.
399
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,080
I mean,
you really want me to be your best woman?
400
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,919
I...I would love that. Yes. [chuckles]
401
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,797
This is so sweet.
402
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,590
Nepotism.
403
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:45,429
Victor, what a lovely gesture!
404
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:47,431
Thank you. Thank you, Lydia.
405
00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:50,267
I'm really happy with my life now.
406
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,061
Turns out this whole not drinking thing
is good for me.
407
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:55,230
I never doubted you.
408
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:10,329
Feeling horny?
409
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,042
Oh! [laughs]
410
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,760
I'm sorry I was ignoring your texts.
411
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:26,845
That's okay.
412
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,098
I wanted to talk to you about something,
413
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:33,310
not necessarily while you smell of tequila
returning from...
414
00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:34,728
Therapy.
415
00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:37,397
No, but...
416
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,149
Now. Let's talk now, yeah?
417
00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:40,275
Okay.
418
00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:44,112
Well, what I wanted to say is...
419
00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:48,367
I started talking to my ex-wife again,
420
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:51,370
and we decided to give it another shot.
421
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:53,914
Oh.
422
00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:56,208
Oh, man!
423
00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,044
I know.
424
00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,588
No, it's because I was coming over
to break up with you.
425
00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:02,798
What?
426
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,549
See, it's like this, Mateo.
427
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,885
When I think
about something bad happening to you,
428
00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:08,136
I...I don't get upset.
429
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,597
In fact, I don't even care.
430
00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:12,557
Wow.
431
00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:14,518
Sick burn!
432
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:20,399
I...That's not how I meant it.
433
00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:22,192
[sighs]
434
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:24,069
I think you're great.
435
00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:26,196
And I care about you.
436
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,408
But what we have...had...
437
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,495
It's nice, but it's not...
438
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:34,538
Yeah.
439
00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:41,503
Anyway, I'm glad that
we're both on the same page.
440
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,256
This is good.
441
00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,927
I know it might be weird at first...
442
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:53,223
but eventually, do you think
we could be friends again?
443
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,267
Of course.
444
00:23:58,645 --> 00:23:59,604
On one condition.
445
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,605
What's that?
446
00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:03,817
If anyone at school asks, I dumped you.
447
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:04,943
[laughs]
448
00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:07,737
[both laugh]
449
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,115
[announcer talking on TV]
450
00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:12,033
- Oh.
- [TV turns off]
451
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:14,369
Hey, how was it?
452
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,871
Great. I'm gonna be the best man,
453
00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:18,123
and Elena's gonna be the best woman
at Papi's wedding.
454
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,917
I'm gonna rock a tux
like Diddy at the Met Gala.
455
00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:21,835
Ooh!
456
00:24:22,335 --> 00:24:25,297
And I'm gonna rock my tux
like Jacques Dubochet.
457
00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:30,260
He won a Nobel Prize for chemistry.
458
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:31,970
Hello!
459
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:34,973
[laughing] Okay, that's great.
460
00:24:35,056 --> 00:24:37,392
Mami, Dr. Berkowitz called for you.
461
00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:41,146
Oh, right, that guy. [chuckles]
462
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,900
I gotta text him back.
463
00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,867
So, I guess things went well.
464
00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:55,243
They did.
465
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:58,163
It was nice to have some quality time
with the kids...
466
00:24:58,246 --> 00:24:59,372
and your mother...
467
00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:01,541
- and your landlord.
- Oh.
468
00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:02,751
[chuckles]
469
00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:08,590
Not that you need it,
but I totally approve of Nicole.
470
00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:12,802
You really pulled your life together.
I'm happy for you.
471
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:16,014
Thank you. Thank you.
472
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,225
That really means a lot to me.
473
00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:27,025
Listen, I don't know
exactly how to say this,
474
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:27,943
so I'll just say it.
475
00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,280
I don't want Schneider
around the kids anymore.
476
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:35,534
What? Why not?
477
00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:36,576
He's drinking again.
478
00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:39,204
And who knows what else?
479
00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:42,791
No. No, no way!
No, he's eight years sober.
480
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:45,835
He went to the bathroom four times,
and he smelled like mouthwash.
481
00:25:45,919 --> 00:25:46,878
I know all the tricks.
482
00:25:48,338 --> 00:25:51,258
Look, I know he's your friend,
but this is about the kids.
483
00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:53,009
Look into it.
484
00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:55,804
I'm really sorry.
485
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,104
[door closes]
486
00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:11,027
[theme music playing]
35786
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