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1
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:08,008
Man, I'm so jealous.
2
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,635
Chloe and her family are going
on a ski trip for the break.
3
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,762
They're staying in a hotel room
with two rooms.
4
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:14,931
It's called a "suite."
5
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,019
Fool, I've seen Basketball Wives,
I know what a suite is.
6
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,897
- We never go on vacation.
- Oh, yes, we do.
7
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,733
You just don't know
because last time we went,
8
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,234
you were too young to form memories.
9
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,779
Where do you think your
Mickey Mouse ears came from?
10
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,239
The Dollar Store.
11
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,617
They're not even Mickey Mouse,
they're Ricky Rat.
12
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,913
Can you whine about your
sad little life somewhere else?
13
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:42,167
I'm doing my SAT prep.
I have a 1,000 words to learn!
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,419
I have two words for you.
15
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,628
You're a dingus.
16
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,464
That's three words, dingus!
17
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,965
Hey!
18
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,760
Can I have five minutes
of peace with you two?
19
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:54,721
It is true.
Those two have been fighting a lot.
20
00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:55,889
Elena, stop it.
21
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,351
Maybe we do need a little R&R.
22
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,729
Oh. Oye.
23
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:06,191
Why don't we go visit
your brother in Seattle?
24
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,610
It is on my bouquet list.
25
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,029
Mami, Tito travels for a living.
26
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,031
If he wants to see us, he can come here.
27
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,867
You know, the way he did when you were
clinging to life in the hospital.
28
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,411
Oh, right, that was everybody but him.
29
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,123
You are always so hard on him.
30
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,125
Mami, whatever. I get it.
31
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,961
- He's the boy. He can do no wrong.
- Ugh!
32
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,132
You really embrace that Cuban stereotype.
33
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,550
That's why Tito he is.
34
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,969
Confident, handsome, and successful?
35
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,055
Then hashtag, no regrets.
36
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:43,103
I don't know.
Where would we even go on vacation?
37
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:47,524
Tito has been helping open restaurants
all over the world.
38
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,401
He could make sure
that we have an amazing vacation.
39
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:52,821
Well, guess what?
40
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,656
So can I.
41
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:59,160
Pack your bags, people,
we are going on vacation.
42
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,997
It's gonna be great,
and it's gonna bring us closer than ever.
43
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,125
- [shouts] Move over!
- You move over!
44
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,084
[yells]
45
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,544
[cars honk]
46
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,380
{\an8}♪ This is it ♪
47
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:14,300
{\an8}♪ This is life, the one you getSo go and have a ball ♪
48
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,512
{\an8}♪ This is it ♪
49
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:21,057
{\an8}♪ Straight ahead and rest assuredYou can't be sure at all ♪
50
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:26,646
{\an8}♪ So while you're here, enjoy the viewKeep on doing what you do ♪
51
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,731
{\an8}♪ Hold on tightWe'll muddle through ♪
52
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,650
{\an8}♪ One day at a time ♪
53
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,819
{\an8}♪ So, up on your feet ♪
54
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,572
{\an8}♪ Somewhere there's music playing ♪
55
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,158
♪ Don't you worry none ♪
56
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,869
♪ We'll just take it like it comes ♪
57
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,954
♪ One day at a time ♪
58
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,040
♪ One day at a time ♪
59
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,792
♪ One day at a time ♪
60
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:54,674
- ♪ One day at a time ♪- ♪ One day at a time ♪
61
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,759
♪ One day at a time ♪
62
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:01,055
{\an8}[cars honk]
63
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:01,973
Lupe...
64
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:07,228
{\an8}I think we should have taken
another way to San Diego.
65
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:08,563
{\an8}Really, Mami?
66
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,399
{\an8}Because I picked this route
just so we can sit next to the power plant
67
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,276
{\an8}that looks like a boobs for half an hour!
68
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,321
{\an8}It's okay.
It's all gonna be worth it.
69
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,947
{\an8}- [car honks]
- [scoffs]
70
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,741
{\an8}Look at this guy behind us
all mad at me.
71
00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:21,576
{\an8}What? What, dumbass?
72
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:23,828
{\an8}Oh, my blinker's on.
73
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,330
Oh. Sorry.
74
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:27,832
Callow.
75
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:32,045
"Juvenile and immature."
And look, it's a picture of you.
76
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,590
{\an8}Elena, stop reading in the car,
you know it makes you nauseous.
77
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,592
{\an8}[car honks]
78
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:41,054
{\an8}Oh, please, sir, just go right ahead.
79
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,805
{\an8}Oh, I'm on the shoulder.
80
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,391
{\an8}This sucks.
81
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,393
{\an8}Why didn't we just fly to San Diego?
82
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,145
{\an8}Your abuelita refuses to fly.
83
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,564
{\an8}Planes are the trash cans of the sky.
84
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,066
Everybody knows this.
85
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,236
Mami, I don't feel so good.
86
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,445
[chuckles]
87
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,364
Mami, it's not funny.
88
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:03,576
{\an8}I know, but when Elena throws up
she makes the funny sound.
89
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,162
Like a sad foghorn.
90
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,291
[vomits like a foghorn]
91
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,628
I'm sorry, baby.
92
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,589
{\an8}Like a drunken moose.
93
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,674
{\an8}[laughs]
94
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,217
{\an8}Ay, Dios mio!
95
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,554
Oh, really, no, I couldn't stay.
96
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:27,684
Hmm?
97
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,062
Ah, I agree, we should redo
the family portraits.
98
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:37,986
Hello, Schneider.
99
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,613
Lydia asked me to water her plant.
100
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,490
Oh!
[chuckles]
101
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,826
She must've not known
that Pen asked me to do it.
102
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,703
Don't worry, I got this.
103
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:47,996
No, no.
104
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,080
No inconvenience.
105
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,165
Don't you live in Encino?
106
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,544
Just a 55-minute drive each way.
107
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:56,879
I don't mind.
108
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,214
I want to do it.
109
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,924
But I have all the equipment.
110
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:04,304
But I have nothing else in my life!
111
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,566
[sprays]
112
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,151
[sighs]
113
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,445
Well, we did that.
114
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,705
I should probably be getting
to the rest of my day.
115
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:31,831
Yeah.
116
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,083
Time for me to go home.
117
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:35,710
Alone.
118
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,212
Sit in the dark.
119
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,174
And weep into my body pillow.
120
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:48,473
You know...
121
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,685
if you leave now, you'll probably
be hitting some crazy traffic.
122
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,395
Rush hour starts at four.
What time is it?
123
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:55,313
One.
124
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:56,397
[Schneider] Oh.
125
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,066
We should just eat.
126
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,234
There's a great new Italian place
around the corner.
127
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:03,696
Or...
We could just stay here and cook.
128
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,531
Yes!
129
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,663
Ah!
130
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,291
Que damn fancy.
131
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,712
They even spell motel with an H.
132
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,548
Mom, how can we afford this?
133
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,259
You don't need money when you know
how to play the game.
134
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:29,639
I put together a combo of my student ID,
USAA, and AAA discount.
135
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,933
Also if anyone asks, I'm a travel agent.
136
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,270
[Elena vomits like a foghorn]
137
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:41,109
[Elena] And the bathroom's so nice!
138
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,862
Guys, come here, check it out.
We have a view of the pool.
139
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,073
Dang, that's a lot of bikinis.
140
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,659
Don't forget the talk we had
about respecting women.
141
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,702
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's hearts behind the boobs.
142
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,915
Those are some big hearts.
143
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,799
My vacation is already
bringing you two together.
144
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:08,803
Okay, that's enough.
145
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,305
- Mami.
- Huh?
146
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:13,808
Look what I got you.
147
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,271
A Bible?
148
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,690
- And you arranged for this.
- Yeah.
149
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,403
She don't know.
150
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:29,157
Alright, let's grab some snacks
and go down to the pool.
151
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,827
Oh, the children already drank their sodas
on the way here.
152
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,579
Well, no problem.
153
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,205
We'll just grab some from the minibar.
154
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,623
[all gasp]
155
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:43,713
Mom, you said minibars were introduced
by the CIA to punish poor people.
156
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:46,841
Mami, no!
157
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,343
The weight sensor!
158
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,264
Who do you think you're talking to?
159
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:54,182
Sandbag!
160
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,523
Abuelita, get the Bible.
161
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,741
Ba-bam!
162
00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:16,746
We'll replace it later.
163
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,290
Oh, and while we're here,
you two are 12-year-old twins.
164
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,295
And I will not claim I'm a senior citizen.
165
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:25,922
No one will believe it.
166
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,175
- You don't have to 'cause you're not here.
- Huh?
167
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:31,135
It was cheaper to say
it's just me and the kids.
168
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,012
- They probably won't come up.
- [knock on door]
169
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,555
Mami get in the closet!
170
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,682
[Elena gasps]
171
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:39,769
Act like twins!
172
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,317
Tito.
173
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,946
Llegó la fiesta.
174
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,115
♪ Llegó la fiestaLlegó la fiesta ♪
175
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,534
Ha! [laughs]
176
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,160
What are you doing here?
177
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,328
Mami called me.
178
00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,622
- Tío!
- Elena.
179
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,333
- Hey, Tío.
- Alex, wassup?
180
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:03,626
Buh-buh-buh-bup.
181
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:04,669
Wait for it.
182
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,837
Ba-bam! Ba-bam!
183
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,631
- Love you.
- Thanks, Tío.
184
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:09,549
Love you.
185
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:12,468
Mami, you can come out. It's Tito.
186
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,685
Elena, that is how
you come out of the closet.
187
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,397
Tito. [laughs]
188
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,856
Ah. [smooches]
189
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:29,193
["You Make My Dreams" plays]
190
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:32,196
♪ You make my dreams come true ♪
191
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,282
♪ You, ooh, ooh ♪
192
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,117
♪ You ♪
193
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,202
♪ Well, well, well, you ♪
194
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:43,749
♪ Oh, yeahYou make my dreams come true ♪
195
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,293
♪ You, ooh, ooh ♪
196
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:46,586
♪ Girl, yeah ♪
197
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,628
♪ You ♪
198
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:52,967
♪ On a night when bad dreamsbecome a screamer ♪
199
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:55,720
♪ When they're messin' with a dreamer ♪
200
00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:58,764
♪ I can laugh it in the face ♪
201
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,601
♪ Twist and shout my way out... ♪
202
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,602
[music stops]
203
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,772
I just don't think that
the infrastructure is there
204
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,151
to handle the water needs
of our exploding population.
205
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,319
I hear you.
206
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,530
And with the clouds moving
away from the equator,
207
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,032
towards the poles,
208
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,451
we're talking about a real crisis.
209
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,120
[both sigh]
210
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,207
[music resumes] ♪ Oh, you ♪
211
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:31,047
♪ Girl, yeahYou make my dreams come true ♪
212
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,591
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
213
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,180
Wasn't Tito so wonderful to travel to us?
214
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,264
He is a hero.
215
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,727
You remember I'm a war veteran, right?
216
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:46,979
What?
217
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,231
I mean, isn't it nice
to see his face again?
218
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:55,613
- I made that face with sex from your papi.
- What?
219
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,994
So he doesn't show up
when you're in the hospital,
220
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,746
but he gets to horn in on the vacation
221
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,956
that I didn't sleep
for three nights, planning?
222
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,667
You know he was abroad.
223
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:09,251
He called me.
224
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,587
He would've been there if he could.
225
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,631
Oye, who wants to go to the pool?
226
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,257
I hooked us up with a cabana.
227
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,802
Anything you have to hook up,
I'm in.
228
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:21,180
Oh, and I have a great place for us
to have dinner out later.
229
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:24,266
That's alright, 'cause I already made
a reservation at a place called Veranda.
230
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,394
They offer a big discount
if you eat before six,
231
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,187
and it's the twins' birthday.
232
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,315
Oh, yeah, that place is great.
233
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,317
But is it on a boat?
234
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,736
What?!
235
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,365
I am so over land restaurants!
236
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:43,077
Papito, you are so smart.
237
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,871
All restaurants should be on boats.
238
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,376
Okay, as long as it's okay with you.
I don't want to step on your toes,
239
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,504
or get near them, Lupita stinky feeta.
240
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:54,588
[laughs]
241
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,549
I forgot about that one.
242
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,511
Whatever, Tito little pito.
243
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,564
Lupita, that is just plain mean.
244
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,317
[crickets chirping]
245
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:21,907
[Schneider sighs]
246
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:24,910
You think there's life on other planets?
247
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,829
I hope so.
248
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:30,624
I always thought I have
an alien-ish physique.
249
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,503
Oh, you would crush it
on another planet, Doc.
250
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:42,595
Man, before I got sober I never would have
been able to enjoy something like this.
251
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:45,765
I always thought I needed drugs
to see the beauty in things.
252
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,225
Well, I've just gotten into drugs myself,
253
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,102
and, uh...
254
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,772
I've been using these
255
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:56,442
medical marijuana lozenges
to help me relax.
256
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,736
They're called Lemon Dopes.
257
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,156
That is one relaxed lemon.
258
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:04,825
I'm sorry.
259
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,494
Oh, no, no, no, it's fine.
260
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,329
I can be around it. Doesn't bother me.
261
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:09,830
Now.
262
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,417
I just need them to help me sleep, yeah.
263
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,711
I'm such an old-guy cliché.
264
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,838
You know, with the tossing and the turning
265
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:22,176
and the constant night terrors with
my ex-wife and daughters strangling me.
266
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,847
Oh, my god, that sounds awful.
267
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,850
Just my ex is strangling me.
268
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,937
My daughters are filling
my pockets with rocks.
269
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,106
I don't know much about dreams.
270
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,901
Maybe it means something good.
271
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,196
[sighs]
272
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,698
Our minds are such mysteries.
273
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,077
How long have you been sober?
274
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,371
Almost eight years.
275
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,165
Wow.
276
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,252
That is really impressive.
277
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,505
I can't even imagine
the strength that must have taken.
278
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,422
Ah.
279
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,466
I'm proud of you, Schneider.
280
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,012
[whispers] You are?
281
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,474
Absolutely.
282
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,770
[exhales deeply]
283
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,566
Do you know how long
284
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:22,027
I've waited for any sort of
father figure to say that to me?
285
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,824
You think of me as a father figure?
286
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,451
Of course.
287
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:32,121
You're my father,
288
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:35,416
and Penelope is my much older sister.
I'm the miracle baby.
289
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,295
I'm sorry I'm getting so emotional.
290
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,839
My kids think of me as a failure figure.
291
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,508
Well, not this kid.
292
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,850
Ah, that ocean.
293
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,935
Takes me back to Cuba.
294
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,979
It was on a night like this,
295
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,149
when I debuted as a dancer,
296
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,943
and I wore my mami's heels.
297
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,237
And my lean calves
298
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,907
looked like they had been
chiseled out of marble.
299
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:13,203
But when I stepped on
the dance floor I suddenly saw...
300
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:17,291
[both imitate Lydia] My sister Maruchi
had also entered the competition.
301
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:25,925
I am so happy that
I brought you into this world
302
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,093
to laugh at me.
303
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,639
Because of your giant heads,
I pee when I cough.
304
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,561
Okay.
305
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,193
I'm gonna go out on the deck
and take some photos for my Insta.
306
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,736
Yeah, it's been ten minutes.
307
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,863
People might start believing
you actually have a life.
308
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:48,864
[coughs] Bite me.
309
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,616
Hey, hey. Come on.
310
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,825
Elena, go with your brother.
311
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,036
Haven't I already thrown up enough today?
312
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,997
No one is wandering around alone.
313
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,207
We're on a boat.
314
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,792
- Where could I go?
- Overboard?
315
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,670
It happens all the time.
316
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,005
Have you not seen that movie Overboard?
317
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:08,008
Or that other movie,
the remake of Overboard?
318
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:10,886
Well, I'm going.
319
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,601
Remember Mami never let us go
to the freezer section
320
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:18,894
of the supermarket alone
321
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,188
because we might accidentally
get trapped in there?
322
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:24,274
[imitates Lydia] "In the freezer no one
can hear you scream."
323
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,568
[both imitate]
"Everybody knows this."
324
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,279
So did you freeze to death?
325
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:30,948
You're welcome.
326
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,909
- Heard you were here.
- Bruce.
327
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:39,748
Tito was key in getting us that crucial
fifth anchor in Restaurant Boat Magazine,
328
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,749
so, uh...
329
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,584
consider all your wine on the house.
330
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,671
Oh, in that case,
we'll have another bottle, or five.
331
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,881
Just kidding, four will do.
332
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,845
Well, we also have him to thank for
getting us up in time for Fouth of July.
333
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,098
- It is great seeing you again, brother.
- [Tito] Same here.
334
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,308
[clears throat]
335
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,269
You were here for the Fourth?
336
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:06,191
So you were a two-hour drive away when
Mami was in the hospital after her stroke.
337
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,278
[Lydia murmurs]
338
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,532
You were working,
339
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,701
far away.
340
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:17,870
Mami...
341
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,377
Well, I'm sure you had your reasons.
342
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,129
Permiso.
343
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:35,596
What's up?
344
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,057
El Capitan here.
345
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,017
Living that yacht life.
346
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,437
Right now I'm up on her stern.
347
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,689
That means her butt.
348
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:48,859
Peace.
349
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:50,402
[chuckles]
350
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:54,490
Nice, so just because a boat is something
someone can own, it has to be a woman.
351
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:55,532
I'm sorry.
352
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,077
I'll ask the boat what
its preferred pronoun is.
353
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,162
God, you are so insensitive.
354
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,331
Okay, I get it, you hate me.
355
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,083
What?
356
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:05,542
No, I don't.
357
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,628
It just seems like
everything I say makes you mad.
358
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,671
So? Everything everyone says
makes me mad.
359
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,051
Well, it just makes me
not want to talk to you.
360
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:21,141
Honestly, I didn't think
you listened to me.
361
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,228
I mean, you're always on your phone
or with your stupid friends.
362
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:25,229
Yeah.
363
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,231
And you're always saying
that you hate my friends,
364
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,066
and that I'm exactly like them, so...
365
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,235
I told you, I don't hate you.
366
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,112
I mean, sometimes I wanna kill you,
367
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,405
but just like in the normal way.
368
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,161
I only want to kill you
in the normal way too.
369
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,708
But yeah, I'm glad you don't hate me.
370
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,545
Of course I don't, stupid.
371
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:54,299
I don't want us to end up like Tío
and Mami. I mean, they barely talk.
372
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,968
That'll never be us.
373
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,386
Have you met yourself?
374
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,304
You like to talk...a lot.
375
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,182
Besides, we need each other.
376
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,726
Yeah, we do.
377
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,396
[both]
To deal with Mom.
378
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,483
Aww. We got that twin thing.
379
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,904
Remember when we were little,
380
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:19,199
Mami wouldn't let us go on the seesaw
'cause we weren't the same weight?
381
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,952
"You're gonna launch your brother
into freaking space!"
382
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:28,292
Plus, some day I want nieces and nephews
to throw cash at, like Tío Tito.
383
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:29,960
I'm not having any kids.
384
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,296
Then...your cats.
385
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,424
That is such a stereotype.
386
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:37,801
But yes, there will be cats.
387
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,099
Hey, how about this?
388
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:47,394
I will take a picture
of you for Instagram,
389
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,605
if you stop talking about the boat's butt.
390
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:50,856
Okay.
391
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:54,526
And for every pic you take of me,
I'll quiz you on a vocabulary word.
392
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,444
Deal.
393
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,072
[camera clicks]
394
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,618
Nice work.
395
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,036
You really got my jawline.
396
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,332
Narcissism.
397
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,501
[laughs]
398
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:13,003
Oh, come on.
399
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:15,088
[laughs]
400
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,007
You are unbelievable.
401
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,842
Look, I didn't visit Mami at the hospital
402
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,094
because I knew she wouldn't want me
to see her like that.
403
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,138
- You know how she is.
- What's your point?
404
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,390
She also would've preferred
to die on the floor
405
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,726
rather than let EMTs
see her without lipstick.
406
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,438
She needed you there,
407
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,232
and you didn't show up.
408
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,235
Just like when Papi died.
409
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,945
What you talking about? I was there.
410
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,571
- For the funeral, that's it.
- [scoffs]
411
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,241
Who do you think had to make
all the arrangements?
412
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,700
- Me.
- Yeah, I paid for everything.
413
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,786
- I don't want your freaking money.
- Right. [chuckles]
414
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,914
Papi was gone, Mami was in pieces,
415
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,415
and you were nowhere to be found.
416
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,710
I was wrecked after Papi died.
417
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,212
We were all wrecked.
418
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,005
But too freaking bad,
419
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,466
because we are the grown-ups now.
420
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,009
And we both have to step it up.
421
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,761
You've always been the grown-up.
422
00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,513
Right? I mean, that's what you do.
423
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,681
You're the superwoman.
424
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,976
When Mami was in the hospital,
425
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,061
I couldn't do it.
426
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:12,437
Lupe, I...
427
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,276
could not see Mami like that.
428
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,991
Bad stuff is gonna happen, Tito.
429
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,994
And next time we might not be so lucky.
430
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:28,453
We might lose her.
431
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,625
Am I gonna lose you, too?
432
00:21:38,922 --> 00:21:41,800
I know we have our things, but I miss you.
433
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,386
Jerk.
434
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:46,471
I miss you, too.
435
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:50,684
- Jerk.
- [chuckles]
436
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:53,562
And you know,
437
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,815
good stuff is gonna happen too.
438
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,570
And I really want you there for that.
439
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:06,158
[sniffles]
440
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:08,660
You're right.
441
00:22:11,788 --> 00:22:12,622
I'm sorry.
442
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,755
I love you, Lupita.
443
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,258
I love you too,
444
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,551
Tito little pito.
445
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:30,140
I love you...
446
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:32,017
even if you are Mami's favorite.
447
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:33,352
Ay. What?
448
00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:35,604
- What? Shut up! No.
- It's true.
449
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,230
I know I get all the press,
450
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,983
but, look, if this boat goes down,
you know who she's saving.
451
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:40,942
- Alex.
- Yeah.
452
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:43,987
But then you.
453
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:49,576
- You know this viejita did this to us.
- [scoffs]
454
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:51,411
I think she thinks you're perfect.
455
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:52,913
You think she thinks I'm perfect.
456
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:55,332
Really, I just think
she thinks she's perfect.
457
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:58,251
She kinda is.
458
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:01,630
Yeah, she kinda is.
459
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:03,465
But crazy.
460
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:04,549
Oh, off the rails.
461
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,677
Se el tren hace rato.
462
00:23:09,846 --> 00:23:11,515
[laughs]
463
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,184
Hey, uh...
464
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,978
- Does she still talk to Papi?
- Oh, yeah.
465
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,022
They never been stronger.
466
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,316
They go on dates.
467
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:23,860
Who pays?
468
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:26,363
That's your question?
469
00:23:31,201 --> 00:23:32,953
[foghorn sounds]
470
00:23:33,036 --> 00:23:35,580
Hey, guys, check out these pictures
Alex took of me.
471
00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:39,167
He taught me how to "smeyes."
That means smile with my eyes.
472
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:40,836
Oh?
473
00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:46,049
- I'm still working on it.
- Oh.
474
00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,969
I'm just glad you two are getting along.
475
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:50,011
Yeah.
476
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,764
Our consanguinity has never been
more indubitable.
477
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:54,641
Say what?
478
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:00,313
Oye.
479
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:07,362
I'm sorry for not coming to see you
when you were sick.
480
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:08,738
Oh...
481
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,032
- It's okay.
- No.
482
00:24:11,533 --> 00:24:12,367
No, it isn't.
483
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:17,205
It was selfish. It'll never happen again.
484
00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:22,127
I don't know
what I would do if I lost you.
485
00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:24,087
Ay, Papito.
486
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:25,464
[sniffles]
487
00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:27,799
Te quiero tanto.
488
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:31,011
Y yo te, Mami.
489
00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:33,430
[sniffles]
490
00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:34,681
Oye.
491
00:24:34,764 --> 00:24:35,640
[clears throat]
492
00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:37,350
Mirada...
493
00:24:38,518 --> 00:24:39,853
I'm gonna be around more.
494
00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:40,770
No.
495
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,063
- Yes?
- Yeah.
496
00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:45,150
Pupita has really been
on my fotingo about it.
497
00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,152
[Lydia laughs]
498
00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:48,320
She's right.
499
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:51,448
I guess, uh, we're both...
500
00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:53,783
pretty lucky to have her.
501
00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:58,497
Ay, Penelopita.
502
00:24:58,955 --> 00:25:01,082
Can you believe
503
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:04,336
how selfless he is to compliment you?
504
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:09,466
I did not think it was possible,
505
00:25:09,549 --> 00:25:11,551
but now you are even more perfect
506
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:12,552
than ever.
507
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,849
[Elena vomits like a foghorn]
508
00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:25,857
Me too, baby.
509
00:25:28,151 --> 00:25:30,153
[theme music plays]
36364
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