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1
00:00:01,033 --> 00:00:02,968
**[harmonica]
2
00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:10,901
Stacy, uh...
can't wear that.
3
00:00:10,901 --> 00:00:13,801
Have to think of
the customers.
4
00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:16,334
Yeah, she's right.
Stacy. I mean, these are truckers.
5
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:19,901
What's with the bra?
6
00:00:19,901 --> 00:00:21,868
This isn't for work.
I have a blind date.
7
00:00:21,868 --> 00:00:23,367
Oh, a blind
date.
8
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:25,367
Oh, that's such
a nice dress.
9
00:00:25,367 --> 00:00:27,968
I can see you're
an outie.
10
00:00:30,067 --> 00:00:32,434
Can she be anymore
annoying?
11
00:00:32,434 --> 00:00:35,868
Well, she can dye her hair black
and gain 200 pounds.
12
00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:40,434
Do you find her at all
attractive?
13
00:00:41,734 --> 00:00:43,067
Nope.
14
00:00:44,267 --> 00:00:46,667
Man, am I gay.
15
00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:54,067
Excuse me, uh,
I'm looking for Stacy.
16
00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:55,601
I'm Stacy.
17
00:00:57,634 --> 00:01:00,200
Are you the only Stacy
who works here?
18
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,534
Yeah.
19
00:01:01,534 --> 00:01:04,300
The one who's got a blind date
with a guy named Pete?
20
00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,801
Yeah, that's me.
21
00:01:05,801 --> 00:01:11,000
Hey, do you guys sell
lottery tickets here?
22
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,567
Look, Pete, I still
have to work for another half an hour.
23
00:01:13,567 --> 00:01:15,300
Would it be okay
if I just met you at the club?
24
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,801
Oh, sure, sure.
25
00:01:17,801 --> 00:01:21,267
This is the Lunchbox on Main,
right?
26
00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:23,234
I'll see you there.
27
00:01:26,968 --> 00:01:29,267
[sighs]
28
00:01:29,267 --> 00:01:30,667
[groans]
29
00:01:36,567 --> 00:01:38,167
Excuse me, ma'am,
can I help you?
30
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:40,467
Oh, I'm sorry,
you work here.
31
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,200
Oh, I'm sorry.
32
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:46,133
I just get so confused
'cause I just see you sitting around everywhere.
33
00:01:46,133 --> 00:01:48,434
I can't go out
with that guy.
34
00:01:48,434 --> 00:01:49,868
He's wearing a tie.
35
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,934
Well, Stacy, be optimistic.
36
00:01:51,934 --> 00:01:55,200
Maybe he's on trial
for something.
37
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,701
Jackie, will you come
dancing with me?
38
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,667
I'd feel much better if
I had a girlfriend with me.
39
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:03,400
Well, then perhaps you should
find one, Ms. Flagler.
40
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,701
I am running a business here,
41
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:08,934
and the boss-employee
relationship is the lynch-pin
42
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:17,334
I don't think so!
43
00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,934
Jackie, have you
seen Roseanne?
44
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,334
Yes, she is at
Auntie Barbara's, Mother.
45
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:25,567
Well, why didn't
she tell me?
46
00:02:25,567 --> 00:02:26,834
I'd have gone
with her.
47
00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:30,567
Well, I guess she never
thought of that.
48
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,434
Is this your mother?
49
00:02:32,434 --> 00:02:33,667
Hi!
50
00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:35,334
I'm Stacy,
the new bus person.
51
00:02:35,334 --> 00:02:40,000
My, well aren't you
a pretty thing,
52
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:44,300
and it's so nice
you're not afraid to show everybody.
53
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:49,133
Mother, I will tell
my employees how they can dress.
54
00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:51,434
I should have known
you'd approve of this.
55
00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:54,300
It looks like something
you might have worn in your wilder days,
56
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:57,167
if you had a bosom.
57
00:02:57,167 --> 00:03:00,400
Mother, I don't need you
harassing the help.
58
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,267
I would never dream of
being critical.
59
00:03:02,267 --> 00:03:06,033
I mean,
I hardly know the girl.
60
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:10,934
Perhaps she'll get pregnant
on a first date and settle down like you did.
61
00:03:10,934 --> 00:03:13,434
For heaven's sake,
Mother!
62
00:03:13,434 --> 00:03:15,667
I know why
you're saying these things.
63
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,400
Excuse me?
64
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,801
I used to think that people
that insulted me were just mean, stupid or horrible,
65
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,934
but now I think it's just
because they've never had really good sex.
66
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,200
What are you
talking about?
67
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,767
Well, here's a
really good test.
68
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:31,467
Have you ever done it
and when you were through,
69
00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:33,534
your hands were just
filled with his hair,
70
00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:35,534
but you don't remember
pulling it out?
71
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:42,534
Jackie, are you going
to let her talk to me like this?
72
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:46,567
Well, I'd kinda like to hear
the answer to that, Mom.
73
00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:50,234
Well, uh...I'm leaving.
74
00:03:50,234 --> 00:03:53,400
I'm going to have
a respectable conversation
75
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,167
with a couple
of longshoremen.
76
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,801
Stacy!
I'm sorry!
77
00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:01,234
I was just trying
to help.
78
00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:02,434
Are you mad at me?
79
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:04,567
No, no!
Come on!
80
00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:06,234
The way you just
treated my mom,
81
00:04:06,234 --> 00:04:08,601
I feel like dancing.
82
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:14,133
** [theme]
83
00:04:53,868 --> 00:04:55,767
[laughs]
84
00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:08,300
Hey, this is
the life, ain't it?
85
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:11,501
Ah? No women around,
86
00:05:11,501 --> 00:05:16,100
boobs on a tube
and a cold bottle beside ya.
87
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:19,167
Great job.
88
00:05:19,167 --> 00:05:20,968
You know,
a good thing about these blowouts
89
00:05:20,968 --> 00:05:23,734
is they show more of
the cheerleaders.
90
00:05:23,734 --> 00:05:25,167
'Course, there's no
milk in those,
91
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:27,267
but they're fun
to look at just the same.
92
00:05:31,634 --> 00:05:34,934
Are you doing
what I think you're doing?
93
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,801
Oh, yes, you are!
94
00:05:39,534 --> 00:05:42,033
Here's a little
something to read.
95
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:48,734
D.J., I don't
know if I can go through with this.
96
00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:51,934
Look, you don't have
a lot of friends so don't cross me.
97
00:05:53,534 --> 00:05:56,334
Hey, Dad! Is it
alright if George sleeps over tonight?
98
00:05:56,334 --> 00:05:57,734
No! You got
school tomorrow.
99
00:05:57,734 --> 00:05:59,767
Well, no we don't.
It's Washington's birthday.
100
00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:01,801
Well, wait a minute.
Didn't you just have yesterday off for,
101
00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,200
whatever they call it,
President's Day?
102
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,734
Yeah, but that was
to celebrate all Presidents.
103
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,267
I mean, this is just
to celebrate
104
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:11,467
George Washington
all by himself, right?
105
00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:13,200
Uh, yeah, right.
106
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,300
Oh, well, ain't
that swell.
107
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,501
So you boys have
tomorrow off, too.
108
00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,634
Yeah, it's great.
Uh, we gotta go now.
109
00:06:21,634 --> 00:06:25,901
No, no.
I want to talk to George now.
110
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:28,067
Oh, God.
111
00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,200
Hello, George.
112
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,200
Hey, you probably
studied a lot about Washington in school, huh?
113
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,567
What was it he said
the time he chopped down that cherry tree?
114
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:41,300
I cannot tell a...
115
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,334
...lie?
116
00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:44,901
Yeah, that's it.
117
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:49,968
And here he is...
on the quarter.
118
00:06:49,968 --> 00:06:51,868
And right next to
his head,
119
00:06:51,868 --> 00:06:53,968
the motto of
our proud nation,
120
00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:58,868
"In God We Trust"
121
00:06:58,868 --> 00:07:02,634
Do you believe in God,
George?
122
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:04,868
Okay, we were lying.
I'm sorry. School's open.
123
00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:07,567
I'm sorry.
Just don't tell my mom.
124
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:09,634
I hate you.
125
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:11,901
Hi.
126
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:13,667
Well, come on, Dad,
I mean,
127
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,000
you have to admit that was
a pretty good one.
128
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,567
We really had you
going there.
129
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:20,200
Yeah,
you sure did have me going.
130
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,667
And I'll tell
you what? No punishment.
131
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:22,968
Really?
132
00:07:22,968 --> 00:07:24,934
No, but I had you
going, didn't I?
133
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:27,367
Hey, Dan,
134
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:28,834
can I get your opinion
on something?
135
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,267
Do you think it's alright
for one spouse
136
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:35,934
to go out for a night of fun
without the other spouse?
137
00:07:35,934 --> 00:07:37,267
Yes.
138
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,100
Jackie, if Fred
wants to play poker on Thursday night,
139
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,534
you should let him.
140
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:41,734
It's Jackie that
wants to go out.
141
00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:44,133
I wasn't listening.
What were we talking about?
142
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,734
She wants to go out
again with Stacy
143
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:47,868
like she did
last night,
144
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,634
and I just don't think
doing separate stuff
145
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:50,767
can be healthy
for the marriage.
146
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:53,067
Dan and Roseanne do separate
stuff all the time.
147
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:55,133
That doesn't mean
that he likes it.
148
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:56,667
You hate it when
Roseanne's away from you,
149
00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:58,133
don't you, Dan?
150
00:07:58,133 --> 00:08:00,234
Yes.
151
00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:03,567
Good effort, Dan.
152
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,100
Oh, Fred, look,
153
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:08,300
a couple spending time apart
is critical for a marriage.
154
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,100
If Roseanne didn't go on
these periodic trips,
155
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:15,467
I'd only have death
to look forward to.
156
00:08:15,467 --> 00:08:17,434
Fine, go dancing
with Stacy.
157
00:08:17,434 --> 00:08:19,501
I'll be in the car.
158
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,434
Thanks a lot, Dan.
159
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:25,834
Oh...he just hates it when
we fight before dinner.
160
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:28,501
Around here,
we call that grace.
161
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,100
Hey, Jackson!
162
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,567
Oh, Dan! Hi!
What are you doing here?
163
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,167
Well, Roseanne's
out of town.
164
00:08:40,167 --> 00:08:43,000
D.J. needed help with
his homework. Voil�!
165
00:08:44,868 --> 00:08:46,133
Where's Fred?
166
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:49,000
Fred didn't come.
167
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,467
Oh, I get it.
This is your girl's night out.
168
00:08:51,467 --> 00:08:52,934
Yeah, so the hens
are going to start
169
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:54,934
with the clucking
the girl talk.
170
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:56,200
I'll see
ya later, Dan.
171
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,701
Hey, if you's a-gonna
trash men,
172
00:08:58,701 --> 00:09:00,467
I got a complaint
for ya.
173
00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:02,200
I'm always complimenting
that Brad at work,
174
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,834
but does he ever give me
a hug? N-O.
175
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,968
Hey!
Hey!
176
00:09:07,968 --> 00:09:09,467
Dan, this
is Pete.
177
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:11,334
Pete, Dan.
Hey.
178
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:12,634
Pete goes out
with Stacy.
179
00:09:12,634 --> 00:09:15,067
Ah. Where is Stacey?
180
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:17,968
Well, he goes out
without Stacy too.
181
00:09:17,968 --> 00:09:19,167
Where is Stacy,
anyway?
182
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,467
Um, my guess is
she's at home.
183
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:22,133
She's at home?
Oh, drag...
184
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:25,033
Aw, darn it.
Huge drag...
185
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,801
Jackie, how about
a game of pool?
186
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,167
No, I don't wanna...
187
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,634
Pete, stay here
and guard the stools.
188
00:09:31,634 --> 00:09:33,133
Jackie, pool.
189
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:41,234
Okay, girl talk.
I broke a nail last week. Now, you!
190
00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,868
I know.
191
00:09:43,868 --> 00:09:45,234
I know what it
looks like.
192
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:47,133
Yeah, it looks like
you're out in a bar with a man.
193
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,434
Well, you're just
reading that into it, Dan.
194
00:09:49,434 --> 00:09:53,234
Pete is a person who
happens to be male
195
00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:55,334
and we are in an
establishment
196
00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:57,167
that happens to
serve beverages
197
00:09:57,167 --> 00:10:01,834
so, pardon me for
being in a building with a human being.
198
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:04,734
Oh, you are definitely
in a bar with a man.
199
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:07,701
For all I know,
he's a good-looking man.
200
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:10,334
We are friends who
like to go out dancing.
201
00:10:10,334 --> 00:10:12,167
Nothing is going
to happen. Nothing happened last night.
202
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:13,133
It's not going
to happen tonight.
203
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:14,367
Last night?
204
00:10:14,367 --> 00:10:17,901
I--You hadn't put that
together yet, had you?
205
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:21,234
You gotta to tell Fred
about this or he'll pick it up on the streets.
206
00:10:21,234 --> 00:10:22,601
How's that going
to happen?
207
00:10:22,601 --> 00:10:24,634
I will stand in the street
and yell it at your house.
208
00:10:24,634 --> 00:10:26,434
Dan...
209
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,467
You're not going
to do that.
210
00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:31,868
And why
upset Fred over nothing?
211
00:10:31,868 --> 00:10:35,567
You swear to me that
there's nothing going on between you and this guy?
212
00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:37,868
Cross my legs
and hope to die.
213
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,901
All right,
I believe you.
214
00:10:41,901 --> 00:10:43,300
Hey, can I have
the winner?
215
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,300
Sure, Pete.
Unless I win.
216
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,734
Can't have me!
217
00:10:59,167 --> 00:11:02,767
Hi, Dan.
Killing yourself?
218
00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,133
Hey, Fred.
219
00:11:04,133 --> 00:11:06,734
Didn't expect to
see you here.
220
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,767
20 years
of burnt fat and gristle.
221
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:11,934
Turns out it's a lot
bigger inside than what we thought.
222
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:15,501
I just came by to apologize
for the other day.
223
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:16,901
You don't have
to do that.
224
00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:18,968
No, you were right
about Jackie going out.
225
00:11:18,968 --> 00:11:20,534
I have never seen
her happier.
226
00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:24,968
Fred, I really, really
don't want to take any credit for that.
227
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:26,701
Hey, this is cool.
228
00:11:26,701 --> 00:11:29,901
You got all your screws
and your washers separated into these little baby jars.
229
00:11:29,901 --> 00:11:31,167
Maybe I should
do this, huh?
230
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,200
Well, Fred,
that's up to you.
231
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,501
I'm not giving out
any more advice.
232
00:11:34,501 --> 00:11:35,567
I was just asking.
233
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:36,934
No, Fred, no more.
234
00:11:36,934 --> 00:11:39,033
I'm not handing out
any more free advice, willy-nilly.
235
00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:41,701
You figure out
the baby jar thing for yourself.
236
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:46,067
Ok, Dan.
See ya later.
237
00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:48,334
Oh, listen.
I might be late for your poker game tonight.
238
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:52,467
I gotta find a sitter
'cause Jackie is having another night out.
239
00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:53,901
Okay, see ya.
240
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:08,067
Hello, Aunt Barbara?
It's Dan. Is Roseanne there?
241
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:12,701
(shouting)
Roseanne! Roseanne!
242
00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:16,000
The big lady
on the couch!
243
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:20,234
The couch! The couch!
244
00:12:20,234 --> 00:12:22,734
The long chair!
245
00:12:22,734 --> 00:12:23,634
Okay, I'll wait.
246
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,234
You know, I don't get
why the weatherman
247
00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:30,734
always puts up a sun
with a big smiley face on it.
248
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:36,534
I mean, just 'cause
it's sunny doesn't mean you gotta be happy.
249
00:12:36,534 --> 00:12:39,300
That is
the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
250
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,501
Hey, you're the one
who's always so philosophical.
251
00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:45,200
Why didn't you
tell me she wasn't there?
252
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,200
(hangs up phone)
253
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:49,968
What's wrong, man?
254
00:12:49,968 --> 00:12:54,534
You're pacing back and forth
like a caged...guy.
255
00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:57,334
Nothing,
it's just stuff.
256
00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:58,501
Can we help?
257
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:02,067
No, you must be
this big to ride this problem.
258
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:05,200
Mr. Connor, you help us out
with problems all the time.
259
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,267
Can't we help you once?
260
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,667
Okay.
261
00:13:10,934 --> 00:13:13,801
There's this
friend of mine
262
00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:16,033
and all signs
seem to point to the fact
263
00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:20,200
that his wife is
maybe, sort of cheating on him.
264
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,701
Wow.
Yeah.
265
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:25,067
See, she claims she was
out with this other woman, but...
266
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:28,567
it seems as though she
was actually with a man
267
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:31,000
and the husband is
sitting home all by himself.
268
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:35,701
I'm sorry, man,
Mrs. Connor sucks.
269
00:13:35,701 --> 00:13:37,501
Mark, no,
it's not Mrs. Connor.
270
00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:40,701
Come on, Dan,
away with another woman, husband home alone.
271
00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:42,868
I'm not stupid.
Who's the guy? Let's get 'em!
272
00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:44,300
Mark!
273
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,033
Mark, we're not
gonna beat anybody up.
274
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:49,834
Wait, I got you.
You're glad to be rid of her.
275
00:13:49,834 --> 00:13:51,200
Uh, me too.
276
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,133
She's a mean 'ole bat.
You can do way better than her.
277
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:56,100
Again, Mark,
it's not Mrs. Connor,
278
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,834
but I'll be sure to
let her know how you feel about her.
279
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:05,067
Mr. Connor, do you want
to talk anymore about your friend's problem?
280
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,601
No, thanks.
281
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:10,367
It's okay.
Mark won't come in. He just heard a fire truck.
282
00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:11,767
Come on.
283
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,534
It's just,
I don't know what to do here.
284
00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:18,033
I mean, the wife doesn't
have the decency to try to hide it.
285
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:19,434
It's almost like
she's flaunting it.
286
00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:21,934
Well, if she's not
trying to hide it,
287
00:14:21,934 --> 00:14:24,234
then my guess is,
she wants to get caught.
288
00:14:24,234 --> 00:14:26,000
What are you
talking about?
289
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,133
Maybe she wants
attention.
290
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:31,100
It's like when D.J.
does something wrong directly in front of you.
291
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,467
When you yell at him,
he still knows you care about him.
292
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:36,834
Oh, no.
That's just what Mrs. Connor said.
293
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:40,167
More often than not,
we don't care about the boy.
294
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,901
All I'm saying is...
295
00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:44,934
is that maybe if your
friend paid a little more attention to his wife,
296
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:49,534
then she might just stop
doing this stuff and the problems would go away.
297
00:14:49,534 --> 00:14:51,400
Maybe.
298
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,133
Thanks, David.
You're all right.
299
00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:55,200
Thanks.
300
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,667
Oh, God.
Mr. Connor, don't break up.
301
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:05,033
You guys
are like my mom and dad.
302
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,934
(knock on door)
303
00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:15,167
Hey, buddy,
glad you could make it.
304
00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:16,767
Where is
everybody?
305
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:17,901
Poker is still on,
isn't it?
306
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:20,300
Yeah, I told everybody
to show up a little late.
307
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,133
I kinda need to
talk to you.
308
00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:24,000
Sounds serious.
309
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,434
Okay...
310
00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:29,934
there's no easy way to
say this, so, uh...
311
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:31,334
here.
312
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,200
What's this?
It's the letter I wrote ya.
313
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,701
Uh...I figure, you
can read it while I'm in the kitchen,
314
00:15:39,701 --> 00:15:41,267
get through your
emotional stuff
315
00:15:41,267 --> 00:15:44,067
and then, if you want to,
come on in and play poker.
316
00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:48,267
Whoa. You caught Jackie
with another man.
317
00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:50,234
What is this?
It's in the letter.
318
00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:52,367
I'll be in
the kitchen. Wait a second, Dan!
319
00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:55,000
Was she kissing him?
Was he touching her?
320
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,434
Dan, you gotta tell me
what you saw.
321
00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:59,000
Okay, I'll
try to make this quick.
322
00:15:59,000 --> 00:15:59,868
Hey, guys!
323
00:15:59,868 --> 00:16:01,834
Too late.
324
00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:03,567
Dan, I gotta
hear this.
325
00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:06,968
Well, Bob, you weren't
supposed to show up for another half an hour, buddy.
326
00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:11,300
Not my fault, Dan.
I was getting on my wife's nerves.
327
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,400
Uh, look could you put
this beer in the frig, and just give us a sec.
328
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,801
You got it.
329
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,033
Fred.
330
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:22,534
Okay, start at
the beginning.
331
00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:23,901
Where did you
catch her?
332
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:25,767
It was at the Lobo,
333
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:29,100
and I really don't
think anything's happened yet.
334
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,434
But, you
don't know that.
335
00:16:30,434 --> 00:16:31,434
Hey, anybody want
a brewski?
336
00:16:31,434 --> 00:16:32,434
No, thanks.
337
00:16:32,434 --> 00:16:33,701
What?
You don't want a beer?
338
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:34,801
Somebody call
the paper.
339
00:16:34,801 --> 00:16:37,801
Dan doesn't
want a beer.
340
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:39,968
Okay, Bob.
I'll take a beer.
341
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:41,868
You got it.
342
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,400
Look, I talked to
her about this,
343
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,100
and she swears
they're just friends.
344
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,000
Then what the hell
is she doing with him?
345
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:48,834
Dan-O!
346
00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:50,467
Where's your
bottle opener?
347
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,000
They're twist-offs,
Bob.
348
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,133
Yeah,
I know, but...
349
00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:54,534
I got this real
delicate skin,
350
00:16:54,534 --> 00:16:55,501
and I'm not just
saying that.
351
00:16:55,501 --> 00:16:56,601
The doctor
told me.
352
00:16:56,601 --> 00:17:00,467
Look, Bob,
Nobody wants a beer.
353
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,000
We don't want to hear
about your skin.
354
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,501
We just need two minutes alone.
Can you do that?
355
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:05,667
(shouting)
Please?
356
00:17:05,667 --> 00:17:07,634
Yeah.
Sure, Dan.
357
00:17:07,634 --> 00:17:09,467
Just making
conversation.
358
00:17:13,267 --> 00:17:16,267
Look, Fred, I'm pretty
sure it was just a cry for attention.
359
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:18,501
It was almost,
like she wanted to be caught.
360
00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:19,634
You think that's
all it is?
361
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:20,968
I'm pretty sure.
362
00:17:20,968 --> 00:17:22,934
So, just spend
more time with her.
363
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:24,901
Show her a good time.
364
00:17:24,901 --> 00:17:26,701
Act like you're dating
again.
365
00:17:26,701 --> 00:17:28,133
No.
366
00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:29,400
Well, why not?
367
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,701
Because I married
an adult, Dan.
368
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:33,901
If she's got a problem,
she should tell me.
369
00:17:33,901 --> 00:17:36,100
I'm not going to play these
stupid high school games.
370
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,734
Marriage is not
a game, Fred!
371
00:17:38,734 --> 00:17:40,367
A game is something
fun and you can win.
372
00:17:40,367 --> 00:17:42,634
Marriage is
a blood sport.
373
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,400
Oh, I don't know.
374
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,934
Maybe you're right.
375
00:17:50,934 --> 00:17:53,167
Maybe I'll just have
to do something.
376
00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:54,534
Good.
377
00:17:54,534 --> 00:17:55,934
I really think
it'll help.
378
00:17:55,934 --> 00:17:58,667
Thanks, Dan.
You're a good friend.
379
00:18:04,901 --> 00:18:06,834
(door closes)
380
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:09,467
Dan!
381
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:10,334
What?
382
00:18:10,334 --> 00:18:14,167
I'm lonely.
383
00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:22,367
My, you are good.
384
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,501
You know don't
dance like a guy.
385
00:18:24,501 --> 00:18:25,834
I mean, obviously
you are a guy,
386
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:26,901
so you do dance
like a guy.
387
00:18:26,901 --> 00:18:28,367
But I mean,
you dance like a guy
388
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:32,133
who's like a really
good dancer who just happens to be a guy.
389
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:33,634
Well, thanks.
I guess...
390
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,167
Where'd you
learn to dance like that?
391
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:37,334
Oh, out of nowhere.
I just picked it up.
392
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:40,133
Oh, come on, you don't
pick up steps like that from anywhere.
393
00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:44,200
No, it's nothing.
It's just that I, uh...
394
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,033
I used to take ballet.
395
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:47,033
Used to what?
396
00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:49,300
I took ballet!
397
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:53,467
Well, you know, lots
of kid's moms make them take ballet.
398
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:56,634
Mom was against it.
399
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:01,000
Well...little kids
like to experiment.
400
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,667
I was 17.
401
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:07,267
Those rebel teens.
402
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:10,601
I still go
Tuesday nights.
403
00:19:10,601 --> 00:19:13,901
Well--[laughs]--
Um...
404
00:19:13,901 --> 00:19:15,734
I have hemorrhoids.
405
00:19:18,767 --> 00:19:20,334
You do?
406
00:19:20,334 --> 00:19:23,133
No, I'm just trying
to think of something to make you feel better.
407
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:24,634
You want a beer?
Yeah.
408
00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:25,801
What kind, honey?
409
00:19:25,801 --> 00:19:27,667
Uh, just a light.
410
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,067
What'd you just call me?
411
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,801
Oh, I think
I said "honey."
412
00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:36,868
I guess I was being
presumptuous, huh?
413
00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:39,968
No. No, it felt good.
414
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:42,067
Good.
415
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,968
What the hell am I
doing here?
416
00:19:45,968 --> 00:19:46,934
Jackie?
417
00:19:46,934 --> 00:19:48,400
You called me "honey,"
and I liked it.
418
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,734
It felt good.
I mean, it felt more than good. It felt right.
419
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:56,767
Well...good and right.
Those are good and right, right?
420
00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:59,601
I am a married woman.
I have a child.
421
00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:01,801
She's not used
to the beer.
422
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,801
I am cheating on
my husband.
423
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:06,100
Jackie! We haven't
even held hands!
424
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:09,367
Don't touch me!
425
00:20:09,367 --> 00:20:11,801
You and your lively
fun self luring me.
426
00:20:11,801 --> 00:20:13,300
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
427
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,701
We should both be ashamed.
428
00:20:14,701 --> 00:20:15,934
I really have enjoyed
your company.
429
00:20:15,934 --> 00:20:18,167
I'm sorry it couldn't
work out.
430
00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:23,601
All of you!
All of you, go home to your husbands!
431
00:20:31,968 --> 00:20:33,267
Good, I'm really glad
you're here.
432
00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:35,801
We need to talk.
Do that...
433
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,901
You wanna talk?
434
00:20:37,901 --> 00:20:40,601
Fine.
435
00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,167
Here's my
phone number.
436
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:43,834
What is this?
I'm leaving.
437
00:20:43,834 --> 00:20:44,834
What?
438
00:20:44,834 --> 00:20:46,667
Did you go out with
another man tonight?
439
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,734
No, I know...
but I can explain.
440
00:20:48,734 --> 00:20:50,701
That's explanation
enough for me.
441
00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:54,434
Fred, wait...
Wait, now... Nothing happened.
442
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:55,934
You broke the rules,
Jackie.
443
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:57,467
What rules?
The rules of marriage!
444
00:20:57,467 --> 00:21:00,234
We both agreed to them.
You broke them, and now I'm leaving.
445
00:21:00,234 --> 00:21:01,133
We have to talk about it.
446
00:21:01,133 --> 00:21:02,167
No!
447
00:21:12,467 --> 00:21:16,634
You may have noticed that I was
not on tonight's episode.
448
00:21:16,634 --> 00:21:21,200
That's because I'm pregnant,
and the doctors ordered me to stay in bed.
449
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,901
But you needn't worry about me.
I will be paid.
450
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:30,801
Now, we have many younger
viewers,
451
00:21:30,801 --> 00:21:34,033
and they're probably wondering
where babies come from.
452
00:21:34,033 --> 00:21:36,968
Since I always felt that TV
should not only entertain
453
00:21:36,968 --> 00:21:40,834
but also educate,
I'd like to tell you.
454
00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:43,434
When a woman decides that she's
ready to have a baby,
455
00:21:43,434 --> 00:21:45,868
she finds herself a man.
456
00:21:45,868 --> 00:21:48,601
It could be a limo driver
or a bodyguard,
457
00:21:48,601 --> 00:21:51,267
it really doesn't matter,
as long as he's younger
458
00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:53,834
and not in show business.
459
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:57,267
Now, the man and the woman
go off together alone
460
00:21:57,267 --> 00:21:59,801
to a place where they can
conceive a child.
461
00:21:59,801 --> 00:22:03,701
This place is called a clinic.
462
00:22:03,701 --> 00:22:08,300
The man is sent to one room
and the woman to another.
463
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:11,901
The woman's egg and the man's
sperm are put together
464
00:22:11,901 --> 00:22:15,968
and manipulated by a laser
and 15 doctors.
465
00:22:15,968 --> 00:22:18,167
Then, they are placed back
in the womb
466
00:22:18,167 --> 00:22:21,033
and monitored by ultrasound
and hormone therapy
467
00:22:21,033 --> 00:22:25,000
until the many experts are sure
that conception has occurred.
468
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,667
Now, I know it may be hard for
many of your children
469
00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:30,467
to picture your own parents
doing this,
470
00:22:30,467 --> 00:22:33,367
but someday you will understand.
471
00:22:33,367 --> 00:22:37,834
It is the most beautiful
and intimate experience
472
00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:40,834
that can be shared
by a woman, a man...
473
00:22:40,834 --> 00:22:43,334
and their fertility expert.
474
00:22:44,868 --> 00:22:47,501
I'll be back next week.
475
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:59,100
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
476
00:22:59,150 --> 00:23:03,700
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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