Original subtitles

Hey, busboy, where've you been?

If I wanted to cook and clean and serve,

I'd stay home.

I was talking with my friends.

Well, I don't want those hoodlums hangin' around here.

They're scaring away the truckers.

I hate it here. Why don't you just fire me?

Because you're a tiny, little man

and we're still hoping you might be magical.

You know, Roseanne, if he doesn't want to be here,

we should just let him go.

No way.

I don't want him hanging out

with those hoodlums he's made friends with.

I figured if they see him in the apron

they'll go back to wantin' to beat him up.

Well, that makes the third bucket of lard

that I have cleaned out of this grease trap.

I swear to God, Roseanne, it's like cleaning out

one of your arteries.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, that's all you ever are.

Sorry, I just don't understand how this thing can collect

that much grease so fast.

Would you shut up about that thing?

We all take our own turn cleaning it out, you know?

I haven't cleaned that grease trap out in over a year.

Neither have I.

Excuse me, that little boy

just left this note on my napkin.

"The big, scary one spits in the food."

D.J.!

I think you should apologize to the woman.

You know, I'm real sorry

my mom does that to your food.

Nice try, D.J., but I'm still not gonna fire you.

And the joke is on you...

[whispers] because I do spit in the food.

Ugh, that grease trap is unspeakable.

I have not felt this filthy since my last confession.

You know, you're the only one who cleans that.

Hey, D.J., break time.

I said you're the only one who--

Don't listen to him. He's a hopeless alcoholic.

My God, Roseanne.

This is the lowest thing you've ever done.

No, it's not. You know the tip jar--

That's it, D.J., you're fired.

Thanks, Mom!

[laughing]

Your black skirt

with the really long slit in it?

I--I don't think that's too revealing.

Okay, I'll come over at 7:00

and we'll walk over together.

All right.

Don't forget, city's got a leash law.

That was no dog. That was Diana--

What the hell's she going out with you for?

Because I'm cute.

You are not.

I am so.

Ever since I broke up with Darlene

and became all miserable, tons of girls

have been flirting with me.

They say I have the sad, sensitive thing going.

Yeah?

They can feel sorry for you

when they're nailing real guys.

Actually, I'm jealous of you, Mark.

I mean, I'll have to sleep with dozens of women,

sometimes two at a time, while you have the security

of sleeping with the same woman every night...

till the day you die.

[laughing]

Well, I'm glad you're laughing,

'cause I was worried that you'd be all bummed out

about Darlene moving in with that Jimmy guy

she's been seeing.

You're lying.

Wait, Becky didn't tell you about that one?

Oops.

They hardly know each other.

Yeah, well, seeing each other naked every day

ought to change that.

You know what? Those girls are right.

You are cute when you're miserable.

George, that's Mark. Mark, scram.

All right. Wow.

I still can't believe you got me tickets

to Wrestlemania, Mrs. Conner.

Thank you so much.

I mean, I really don't know how to thank you enough

other than saying "thank you" like I just did right now.

Yeah, okay, here's the thing.

Yours is free, but for reasons

that you're too young to understand,

you need to sell D.J. his ticket for 20 bucks.

Well, where's D.J. gonna get $20?

Well, I don't know.

I guess he'll just have to get a job.

You should mention that to him.

Well, what if he doesn't wanna go with me?

You know, I don't think D.J. likes me very much.

Well, that's just 'cause you're really boring,

but the tickets will change everything.

Hey, D.J., look who's here.

Get rid of him.

Now, D.J., that's not very nice.

George has something to ask you.

Okay, go ahead, and keep it short.

Um, D.J., do you wanna go to Wrestlemania with me?

I got these tickets. Really?

Yeah. Um, now, the thing of it is,

you gotta pay me $20.

Or if you don't have a twenty, you could pay me two tens. Or a ten and two fives.

Or four fives, which I'd prefer, 'cause you know I'm collecting them.

You know, 'cause I like Lincoln.

Hey, wow, D.J.

Tickets to the hottest event in town.

Too bad you're broke.

I'm not broke. Come on, I'll get my money.

What? You're not supposed to have any money. You're unemployed.

Ha. I don't need your stinkin' job.

I get an allowance from Dad.

Freeze.

I was just gonna get you something...

to hit me with.

You can't go just givin' him money, Dan.

I want him to learn responsibility by working at the diner.

Oh, he's 13 years old. He's got plenty of time to learn responsibility.

That is so wrong, Dan.

He is at a crossroads of his life

where he can either become a total loser

or a busboy.

Roseanne, none of his friends have to work.

Well, they will. Them license plates don't just make themselves, you know.

All right. From now on, no more allowance.

I'll just tell him we went broke again.

Yeah, well, you gotta get back the money you gave him.

I can't do that. He'll hate me.

Well, Dan, if he hates you because you take back your money,

then he wasn't that good of a friend in the first place, was he?

See ya.

D.J., wait a minute.

I've been thinking,

and I've decided it's not right for you to get money

without working for it, so I want you to give me your allowance back.

Gee, Dan, that's not fair.

Well, I don't have it anymore. I gave it to George.

Well then, you just have to give me your ticket. Now.

Sorry, D.J. You know, if it was up to me, I'd let you go in a second.

Fine. Now it is up to you.

Uh, no, Dan. Remember? Love, honor and obey?

I'm forced to go along with you.

Oh, honey, just this once I think we'll let you be in charge.

All right, here you go. Have a good time.

Your dad and I'll just be here waiting for you,

alone together... with no witnesses.

Guys, wait up!

Hey, Jimmy, here's an interesting thing from psyche class.

Just answer honestly. There's no right or wrong.

Name three things that you like about yourself.

Well, let's see, um... I'd say I'm open-minded,

I've got a good body,

and, uh... I'm a pretty nice guy.

[scoffs] Fine, if you're not gonna take it seriously.

Well, it's almost 2:00. I gotta run.

Oh, I got it Darlene. Coffee's on me.

Oh, I know. I was just getting a piece of gum.

See you later.

Hey, can I bum a stick?

Uh, sure.

Thanks.

Is this seat taken?

It's all yours.

You're Jimmy Gartner, right?

Yeah. Have we met?

No, I'm...Craig.

Shapiro.

You go out with that Darlene Conner, right?

Yeah. You know Darlene?

Yeah, yeah. She's great.

Did you guys meet in her writing class or something?

No, actually, we met at my dance recital.

Really?

So, you're, like, a dancer?

Like a ballet dancer?

Yeah. Ballet, jazz, tap.

Tap? Tap's cool.

Are you, like, the only guy in the class

or are there other...guys like you in the class?

Actually, my boxing coach had me take ballet

to help me with my footwork.

Boxing.

You mean like...hitting?

How do you know Darlene?

I've--I've known her for a while.

She's a very, very special girl.

Just happy to know that she's...better.

Better? What do you mean?

Nothing.

Nothing. I can't talk about it.

You know, it would break a confidence and...

What confidence?

Well, see, uh, I'm a peer counselor

and, uh...

Never mind.

Darlene went to a peer counselor?

Why?

I can't divulge that information.

There's a little thing called confidential--esness?

So, are you guys serious?

Yeah, we're thinking about moving in together.

Wow.

What? Bad idea?

No, no, I just...

I never thought she'd try that again.

Wow.

Listen, I'm sorry I can't talk to you about Darlene,

but, you know, if you wanna talk about your feelings...

Actually, this moving in thing together,

it's a little scary, you know?

Yeah. Yes, it can be.

You don't think it's a good idea, do you?

Oh, quite the opposite.

I think it'll be a great test for Darlene.

And for you, well...

what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

Hey, David, where were you for dinner last night?

Everybody picked the cauliflower

out of their mixed vegetables,

but you weren't here to eat it.

Um...I was-- I joined a team at school.

A debate team. And, uh, we had a game.

Don't try to lie to me, David.

Sorry.

You've got a new girlfriend, don't ya?

Yes.

How come she's such a huge secret?

Uh, she's very-- She's ugly.

How ugly? [door closes]

Circus ugly?

Hey, David, where've you been?

Dating a really ugly girl.

Good for him. [door closes]

Hey, D.J., do you have enough room

in those pants there?

Don't tell me, you're the back of the horse.

They're mine. Dad bought 'em for me.

Well, isn't that sweet?

Today my little boy is a Crypt.

No, he just wants to look good

for his first day on the job. Really?

You mean he's ready to come back to work?

Oh, Dan, tonight no foreplay.

Well...

he's gonna be learnin' all about responsibility.

Yep, just like you wanted.

He's coming to work with me at the garage. Isn't that great?

You're so delighted, you could barely speak.

[clang]

You're rewarding me by making sloppy joes.

And then now you're gonna put on

something frilly for dinner.

What's wrong?

He won't be hanging out with those thugs.

Why are getting so bent out of shape?

Let's just drop it, Dan.

He's working for you and that is that.

And I hope the two of you have

a very happy time together.

Wait a minute, are you jealous?

Don't be ridiculous.

You're upset because he's spending time with me?

No!

I'm upset because he's not spending any time with me.

Oh. Oh, honey...

I thought you were worried about him becoming a delinquent.

Oh, please, Dan. I think you know me better than that.

He can mug old ladies for all I care,

as long as he comes home at the end of the day

and tells me how it went.

He loves you, honey.

Everybody loves me, Dan. We're not talking about love.

We're talking about time.

[sniffles]

We used to do things together, you know?

I'd cut his hair

and we'd bake M&M cookies and...

we'd send pizzas over to the convent.

You know, mother-son type things.

A 13-year-old boy doesn't have

much in common with a 42-year-old woman.

Actually, if he did, we'd be worried.

Yeah, but he still likes you.

You get to be the buddy

and I'm stuck being the mom.

Oh, it's just a phase.

You'll have him back in a few years.

Oh, yeah, well, after a few years with you,

I ain't gonna want him back.

Hey, Jimmy. Funny runnin' into you here.

Yeah, just like the library yesterday.

And the cafeteria and the bowling alley.

It's amazing how we just keep bumping into each other.

Yeah, well, listen, uh, I hope we can talk about something

other than Darlene this time,

because last time I was pretty uncomfortable.

Don't worry about it.

So how's that whole thing goin'?

Stop it. What?

Look, I went to that peer counseling office.

They've never heard of you.

Well, that's 'cause I do a lot of work...undercover.

Cut the crap.

Look, I know you wanna break me and Darlene up.

I do not.

Yes, you do, and I know why.

I know your whole story, man.

I'm sorry.

I was just desperate.

Why'd you have to come on to me

if you knew I was straight?

What?

You think I'm gay?

What would make you think I'm gay?

Come on, Craig, it was pretty obvious

the first time I met you.

What made it obvious?

A lot of things.

A lot of things like what?

[sighs]

Well, for one, you told me you were an artist.

Well, you're a ballet dancer, for God's sakes!

You ever had your butt kicked by a ballet dancer?

What are you doing here?

Wait a minute, you do know Craig?

This is Craig?

The gay guy that's been hitting on you?

I am not gay!

I want some answers!

No, me first. Come here.

Wait a minute, I wanna hear this.

Sit down!

Not you. Come here!

What the hell are you doing here? I don't know.

When I heard that you guys might move in together,

I felt like I had to do something.

So you told my boyfriend

you were a gay guy named Craig?

No, I didn't tell him I was gay, he could just tell.

I mean, no.

You know what I mean.

David, why are you messing with my life?

I just didn't want you to move in with him.

I wanted to stop it.

I can't even look at you.

This is, like, the most pathetic thing

you've ever done.

Is not.

Wait a minute, pal.

If you weren't after me, why were you trying

to break me and my girlfriend up?

Well...

see...

Wow, who's he?

Mm, I'm kinda nervous.

I've never had a job interview before.

I got all my other jobs when I was just walking by.

So, tell us, Ms. Flagler,

why The Lunchbox, why a busperson?

Well, until my boyfriend's band

gets a record deal, he thought I should work,

'cause, you know, he's never had a job before.

And they say all the good ones are taken.

I know. I'm really lucky.

He says when he gets famous, he's gonna take care of me.

Well, that is the good thing about rock stars:

they're so loyal.

Uh, Ms. Flagler, this position

requires someone with experience.

Have you done anything prior to this

in the bussing field?

I think I can handle it.

Okay, Stacey, uh, Mrs. Conner and I

always like to discuss the applicant

before we reach a decision.

If you will excuse us for one minute,

we will retire to the... area that we--

[snickers]

like to call-- Those cannot be real.

Think about it, Jackie,

she'd be really great for business.

How do you figure?

Wake up, Jackie. Even I'm gettin' a woody.

Hey.

What do you want?

Mom, I want my job back. Please.

I mean, I just hated working at the garage.

All I did was move heavy boxes, so I quit.

Well, D.J., um, I don't know

if I can take you back because we've already

filled the position.

Congratulations, Stacey, you got the job.

Cool. Hey, when does my insurance start?

'Cause I need some shots.

That's not fair; I just quit the garage!

Well, I don't know.

Maybe we could use two buspersons around here,

but I really don't know if I should hire you back

after the way you were acting

around here, D.J.

I think, at least, you owe me an apology.

I'm sorry.

Tell me you love me.

What?

Tell me you love me or no job.

All right, I love you. Jeez.

Great, that's wonderful.

Okay, welcome back.

Well, do you think tonight you could go to a movie with me?

Yeah, sure.

But, you know, D.J., I don't approve of movies

with sex and violence in 'em,

so you'll just have to pick one or the other.

Okay. Okay.

You get your job back?

Yeah.

You ask your mom to take you to the movies?

Yeah. Good work.

Well, how 'bout at the movie

I have to buy some popcorn?

Nice touch.

You know, D.J., you're really doing

a good thing for your mom here.

One day, you're gonna be really glad you came back.

I'm already glad.

Did you see the new busboy?

** ['80s porn]

You know, Stacey, things have sure changed around here

ever since you started workin' at The Box.

Have they ever!

What do you mean?

Hello.

Some sailors told me this was the place to come

for a loose meat sandwich.

My, you're certainly an attractive man.

Too bad I'm married.

Oh, wait, I forgot. I'm a huge slut.

I've always been a nice girl.

I wish someone could teach me to be bad.

Oops...

I got whipped cream on your shirt.

Let me clean that up for you.

Yeah. And, you know, this belt doesn't really

go with these pants.

Would you like to hear about

our three-for-one special?

How would you like to get all hot

and sweaty and gooey and slippery?

[snap] [gasps]

Man, don't you guys ever clean this thing?

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0