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1
00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:07,234
SO, FRED AND I WERE TALKING,
AND WE DECIDED
2
00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:09,133
THIS YEAR FOR HALLOWEEN
INSTEAD OF CANDY,
3
00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:10,634
WE'RE GONNA GIVE OUT
CARROT STICKS.
4
00:00:10,634 --> 00:00:11,868
YEAH, WE'RE GOING
HEALTHY, TOO.
5
00:00:11,868 --> 00:00:14,901
WE'RE GIVING OUT
FILTERED CIGARETTES.
6
00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:16,334
HEY, ROSE.
7
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:17,534
TRICK OR TREAT,
HONEY.
8
00:00:17,534 --> 00:00:21,534
NO, SHE DON'T TURN
TRICKS AT WORK NO MORE.
9
00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:22,834
I'LL GET YOUR LUNCHES.
10
00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:25,334
WELL, IF IT'S NOON
AND IT'S 40 POUNDS,
11
00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:27,834
IT MUST BE
THE CITY GARAGE BOYS.
12
00:00:27,834 --> 00:00:29,601
HELLO, FRED.
13
00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:30,734
LEON.
14
00:00:30,734 --> 00:00:32,000
YOUR FRIES WILL BE
OUT IN A MINUTE.
15
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,534
YOU KNOW,
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU EAT LIKE THIS
16
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,167
AND STILL MAINTAIN THAT...
17
00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:38,100
BODY.
18
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,934
HA HA...HA.
19
00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,200
JUST LUCKY, I GUESS.
RIGHT, HONEY?
20
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,701
I'D HAVE TO SAY
SHE'S THE LUCKY ONE.
21
00:00:48,934 --> 00:00:51,968
WELL, REMEMBER, LADIES,
WE CLOSE AT 2:00 TOMORROW
22
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:55,234
SO I CAN PREPARE FOR
MY HALLOWEEN SOIREE.
23
00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:57,234
YOU MIGHT WANT
TO USE THAT TIME TO WORK ON YOUR COSTUMES
24
00:00:57,234 --> 00:00:59,734
BECAUSE THIS IS
NOT GOING TO BE
25
00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:02,234
ONE OF YOUR LAME
LITTLE LODGE PARTIES.
26
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:04,567
HEY, OUR LODGE PARTIES
WERE NOT LAME.
27
00:01:04,567 --> 00:01:07,000
THE COPS HAD TO COME
EVERY YEAR.
28
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,067
PLEASE, ROSEANNE.
29
00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:13,067
EVERYONE KNOWS
THAT HALLOWEEN IS OUR HOLIDAY.
30
00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:14,467
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THE BREEDERS
31
00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,367
ARE TRYING TO TAKE
BACK HALLOWEEN.
32
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,067
OH, PLEASE.
33
00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:20,667
I WAS DOING
HALLOWEEN
34
00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:24,100
SINCE BEFORE
THERE EVEN WERE ANY GAY PEOPLE.
35
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:26,767
ROSEANNE,
LEON IS THE QUEEN
36
00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:28,200
OF HALLOWEEN.
37
00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:31,601
YOU WISH.
38
00:01:31,601 --> 00:01:33,267
I'M THE QUEEN
OF HALLOWEEN.
39
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,834
AND I AM NOT
ABOUT TO GIVE UP MY CROWN
40
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:38,167
TO ANY MARY
COME LATELY.
41
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,267
WELL,
I CERTAINLY HOPE
42
00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:48,467
AND BESIDES,
I HAVE A THING.
43
00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:51,734
WELL, THAT'S PERFECT.
THEY'RE LOOKING FOR GUYS WITH THINGS.
44
00:01:53,868 --> 00:01:55,968
HEY, DON'T WORRY,
BIG GUY.
45
00:01:55,968 --> 00:01:58,133
WE DON'T BITE.
46
00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:01,200
HARD AS IT IS NOT TO
SOMETIMES.
47
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,467
YOU KNOW, LEON,
I'M NOT COMING TO THE PARTY.
48
00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:05,968
IF I DID COME,
I'D COME WITH MY WIFE
49
00:02:05,968 --> 00:02:07,601
WHO I SLEEP WITH,
50
00:02:07,601 --> 00:02:10,467
AND I HAVE SEX WITH.
LOTS OF SEX.
51
00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:11,968
THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.
52
00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:14,701
SO JUST GIVE ME
SOME SPACE.
53
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,901
YES, SIR.
54
00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:33,133
HA. METHINKS YOUNG FRED
DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.
55
00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:34,200
WHAT'S HE MEAN?
56
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,200
WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY SAY
57
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,000
ABOUT GUYS WHO WHINE
ABOUT GAY MEN.
58
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,133
NO, WHAT DO
THEY SAY?
59
00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:42,767
THE SQUEAKY WHEEL
WANTS TO GET GREASED.
60
00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:47,501
OOH, OOH, OOH.
61
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,667
GHOSTS, GOBLINS,
AND GHOULS.
62
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:53,000
SPOOKY, SPOOKY.
63
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,601
MOM, SHOULDN'T YOU BE HOME,
DRINKING ALONE?
64
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:01,400
FYI, NANCY'S FIXING ME
A TAKEOUT,
65
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,367
AND YOU'RE NOT
THE ONLY PRANKSTER AFOOT THIS YEAR.
66
00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:07,200
I'VE COOKED UP
A LITTLE SCHEME FOR EACH OF MY DAUGHTERS,
67
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,400
SO BOOGIE, BOOGIE,
BOOGIE.
68
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,534
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
FAKE YOUR DEATH AGAIN THIS YEAR,
69
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:14,234
GOD, THAT WAS SUCH
A DISAPPOINTMENT.
70
00:03:14,234 --> 00:03:17,534
WHY, ROSEANNE, I SEE
YOU'RE ALREADY GETTING INTO COSTUME.
71
00:03:17,534 --> 00:03:20,701
YOU GOT A BIG PATCH
OF GRAY RIGHT THERE.
72
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,067
OH, I GET IT. YEAH.
MY HAIR'S GRAY,
73
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:25,567
MY REFRIGERATOR'S RUNNING,
74
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:27,234
I HAVE PRINCE ALBERT
IN THE CAN.
75
00:03:27,234 --> 00:03:30,100
GOD, WILL IT NEVER CEASE
WITH YOU, MOTHER?
76
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:31,167
OH, PIFFLE.
77
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,667
THAT GRAY HAIR CERTAINLY
ISN'T MY WORK.
78
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,467
MY LITTLE TRICK ON YOU
79
00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:39,300
WILL PUT THE "O"
IN HALLOWEEN.
80
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,767
HERE YOU GO, BEV.
WE RAN OUT OF NAPKINS,
81
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:44,000
SO I THREW IN A COUPLE
OF EXTRA BUNS FOR YOU.
82
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,133
IF I'M GOING TO
EAT ALL THIS,
83
00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:48,167
I CERTAINLY
DON'T HAVE ROOM
84
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:50,067
FOR THIS CAN OF
PEANUT BRITTLE.
85
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,067
JACKIE, YOU USED TO
BE SO FOND OF IT--
86
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,133
OH, HEY! MOM...
87
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,701
AND WE GOT YOU YOUR FAVORITE
MACADAMIA NUTS.
88
00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:57,734
MACADAMIA NUTS.
89
00:03:57,734 --> 00:04:00,567
THEY ARE, YOU KNOW,
MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE.
90
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,234
YUMMY, YUMMY, YUM--
91
00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:04,901
OH, SNAKES! AH!
92
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:11,434
FINE! YOU'VE RUINED
AN OLD WOMAN'S PRANK.
93
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:13,601
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
94
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:16,100
WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME?
95
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,167
WHY?
96
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,934
WELL, MOM'S CRYING.
97
00:04:21,934 --> 00:04:24,868
HALLOWEEN HAS
OFFICIALLY BEGUN.
98
00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:19,400
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
LET MOM TALK YOU
99
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,234
INTO COMING TO
HER OLD BIDDY SALON.
100
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,167
LOOK AT THESE WOMEN.
101
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:28,667
YOU KNOW,THEY SAY
YOUR HAIR KEEPS GROWING AFTER YOU DIE,
102
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,267
AND APPARENTLY
IT'S TRUE.
103
00:05:31,267 --> 00:05:32,901
HEY, JACKIE!
104
00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:33,901
KYLE!
105
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:34,968
HI.
HI.
106
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,167
MWAH. MWAH.
107
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,667
GOOD TO SEE YOU,
GIRLFRIEND.
108
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,601
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
109
00:05:44,934 --> 00:05:46,701
IS THAT YOUR
OLD BOYFRIEND?
110
00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:48,267
NO, THAT'S A BUDDY
OF FRED'S.
111
00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:50,701
I THINK THEY PLAY
SOFTBALL TOGETHER.
112
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,834
OH, REALLY?
WAS FRED PITCHING OR CATCHING?
113
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,501
YOU KNOW,
LEON IS WRONG.
114
00:05:57,501 --> 00:05:59,400
FRED DOES NOT HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH GAY PEOPLE.
115
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,434
HE'S BEEN FRIENDS
WITH KYLE FOR YEARS.
116
00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:03,868
Kyle:
DOLL, THOSE STREAKS ARE TO DIE!
117
00:06:05,634 --> 00:06:08,167
WELL, MAYBE HE
JUST DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE WAS GAY.
118
00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:11,367
HI, I'M ANTONIO.
119
00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,334
HOW MUCH COLOR
ARE WE TALKING TODAY?
120
00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:17,467
WELL, NOT A LOT.
I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO MY NATURAL COLOR--
121
00:06:17,467 --> 00:06:18,434
HAWAIIAN.
122
00:06:21,434 --> 00:06:24,334
BOY, YOU REALLY DO
HAVE A LOT OF GRAY UP THERE.
123
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,033
OUR MOTHER WENT GRAY
VERY SUDDENLY.
124
00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:27,267
OH, REALLY?
125
00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:29,133
WELL, YEAH.
THAT WAS THE DAY SHE FOUND MY UNDERWEAR
126
00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:31,033
IN THE GLOVE
COMPARTMENT.
127
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:34,934
NO, WHAT I MEANT IS
HAIR IS HEREDITARY ON THE MOTHER'S SIDE,
128
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:36,133
SO WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO YOUR MOM
129
00:06:36,133 --> 00:06:38,567
IS PROBABLY GOING
TO HAPPEN TO YOU.
130
00:06:38,567 --> 00:06:41,734
OH, GREAT. I'M GOING
TO FIND A BUFFALO HEAD NICKEL
131
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:45,367
AND TALK ABOUT IT
FOR 25 YEARS.
132
00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:46,801
WELL, LOOK AT THESE.
I GUESS THERE'S
133
00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:48,534
WORSE THINGS
THAN GOING GRAY.
134
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:51,033
THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE
MOM'S HAIR.
135
00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:53,534
ROSEANNE, THAT IS
EXACTLY LIKE MOM'S HAIR.
136
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:56,067
SAME EXACT COLOR.
SAME EXACT STYLE.
137
00:06:56,067 --> 00:07:00,100
ROSEANNE,
THAT IS MOM'S HAIR!
138
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,467
OUR MOM WEARS A WIG.
YOU THINK SHE'S BALD?
139
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,300
NO WAY.
140
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,801
IF SHE'S BALD,
THAT MEANS THAT WE COULD GO BALD.
141
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,634
THIS IS HER HAIR.
142
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,133
LOOK--LOOK AT THIS.
143
00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:14,367
[IMITATING BEV]
OH, ROSEANNE!
144
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:21,534
A WOMAN OF YOUR SIZE
SHOULDN'T WEAR HORIZONTAL STRIPES.
145
00:07:21,534 --> 00:07:24,434
YOU SHOULD WEAR BLACK
OR STAY HOME.
146
00:07:24,434 --> 00:07:26,601
AND ANOTHER THING, DEAR.
I DON'T MEAN TO ALARM YOU,
147
00:07:26,601 --> 00:07:29,868
BUT I THINK YOUR LITTLE
D.J. MIGHT BE RETARDED.
148
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,133
HEY, MARK, HOW COME
EVERYBODY'S TALKING
149
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,634
ABOUT LEON'S
HALLOWEEN PARTY
150
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,400
LIKE IT'S GONNA BE
SO DIFFERENT?
151
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,033
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
152
00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:48,467
WELL, SEE, THERE ARE
GOING TO BE A LOT PEOPLE THERE THAT ARE...
153
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:51,467
YOU KNOW, SORT OF--UH...
154
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,133
D.J., GET OUT OF HERE NOW.
155
00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,033
WAIT A MINUTE.
MARK, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
156
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:56,767
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TELL HIM THE TRUTH?
157
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,367
'CAUSE I CAN'T TELL HIM
ABOUT THAT.
158
00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:01,200
ANY GUY WHO'S
COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF
159
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,133
DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM
TALKING ABOUT THIS. D.J., SIT DOWN.
160
00:08:05,133 --> 00:08:06,534
WHAT MARK MEANT
TO TELL YOU
161
00:08:06,534 --> 00:08:08,400
IS THAT LEON'S PARTY
IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT
162
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,167
'CAUSE THERES
GONNA BE A LOT OF GAY PEOPLE THERE.
163
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:13,133
OH. WHAT DOES GAY MEAN?
164
00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:20,334
[CLEARS THROAT]
UH...
165
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:25,167
WELL, THAT'S A FINE
QUESTION, D.J.
166
00:08:26,734 --> 00:08:28,601
UM, SEE,
167
00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:31,901
SOMETIMES BOYS
HAVE BOYFRIENDS,
168
00:08:31,901 --> 00:08:33,501
AND, UH,
169
00:08:33,501 --> 00:08:35,501
SOMETIMES GIRLS
HAVE GIRLFRIENDS,
170
00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:37,567
AND THESE PEOPLE
ARE CALLED GAY.
171
00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:40,100
WELL, I HAVE BOYS
WHO ARE FRIENDS.
172
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,534
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
173
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,367
ALL RIGHT. UM...
174
00:08:46,634 --> 00:08:49,467
SEE, UH,
175
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:52,367
BOYS WHO HAVE
BOYFRIENDS...
176
00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:56,901
DO THINGS WITH--
WITH THEIR FRIENDS
177
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,901
THAT A BOY WHO
HAS A FRIEND
178
00:08:58,901 --> 00:09:00,834
WHO JUST HAPPENS
TO BE A BOY
179
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:02,934
WOULD PROBABLY
NEVER DO.
180
00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:09,033
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
181
00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:10,100
YEAH, ME, NEITHER.
182
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:19,434
SEE...
183
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,367
WHEN TWO MEN LOVE
EACH OTHER,
184
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:25,701
THEY, UH,
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE,
185
00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:29,234
THEY LIKE TO SHARE
EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS
186
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:31,100
FOR ONE ANOTHER...
187
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:34,400
THROUGH...
188
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,501
BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSIONS
OF, UH...
189
00:09:39,901 --> 00:09:42,334
PHYSICAL LOVE.
190
00:09:42,334 --> 00:09:45,200
HOW DO THEY
DO THAT?
191
00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,234
IF A GUY'S COMFORTABLE
WITH HIMSELF,
192
00:09:49,234 --> 00:09:53,067
HE ISN'T AFRAID TO TALK
ABOUT THIS, YOU FRUIT.
193
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:55,100
OK. UH...
194
00:09:56,968 --> 00:09:58,200
SEE...
195
00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:01,434
ONE GUY WILL, UH...
196
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,300
UH, HE AND
THE OTHER GUY...
197
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,968
THEY, UH...
198
00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:20,067
SEE, WHAT THEY DO
IS, UH...
199
00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:21,701
OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY DO!
200
00:10:21,701 --> 00:10:23,067
LEAVE ME ALONE, D.J.
201
00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:30,801
THAT WAS GREAT.
I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO START CRYING.
202
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:32,033
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ARCADE.
203
00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:33,968
WE CAN LISTEN TO IT
AGAIN ON THE WAY.
204
00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:35,901
[TAPE REWINDING]
205
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,701
Dan: YEAH,
HOW'S IT GOING?
206
00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:50,200
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
207
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,167
YEAH, HOW YOU DOING,
BUD?
208
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:56,634
ROSEANNE, I THINK
THESE GUYS ARE CHECKING ME OUT.
209
00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:58,701
NO ONE CAN TELL
WE'RE A COUPLE.
210
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,567
OUR COSTUMES SHOULD
HAVE HAD A THEME.
211
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:03,567
THEY DO. I'M PRINCE,
AND YOU'RE THE DUKE.
212
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:07,234
EXCUSE ME, COWBOY.
213
00:11:15,167 --> 00:11:17,667
DIANA ROSS JUST
WINKED AT ME.
214
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:20,000
REALLY?
IT'S A GUY, DAN.
215
00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:25,234
THAT CAN'T BE A GUY.
HE'S GOT BREASTS.
216
00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:26,934
REALLY BEAUTIFUL
BREASTS.
217
00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:30,367
WELL, SURE, THEY'RE
BEAUTIFUL NOW,
218
00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:32,667
BUT JUST WAIT TILL HE HAS
A COUPLE OF KIDS.
219
00:11:34,567 --> 00:11:37,367
HEY, THERE'S MOM.
220
00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:40,133
LOOK, I TOLD YOU
THAT THAT HAIR CANNOT BE REAL.
221
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,701
LOOK AT THAT.
222
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:45,834
EVEN WILLIAM SHATNER
WOULD MAKE FUN OF THAT PIECE.
223
00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:48,834
COME ON, ROSEANNE.
IT'S THE SAME HAIR SHE'S ALWAYS HAD.
224
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,567
WELL, THAT IS PRECISELY
MY POINT.
225
00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:52,701
I MEAN,
HER FACE LOOKS LIKE A DRIED-UP OLD APPLE,
226
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:55,501
AND SHE'S GOT
THE SAME HAIRDO FOR 20 YEARS.
227
00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:57,300
GO OVER THERE
AND START TALKING TO HER AND DISTRACT HER
228
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,834
SO I CAN GET IN THERE
FOR A CLOSER LOOK.
229
00:11:58,834 --> 00:12:00,834
AW, DON'T MAKE ME
TALK TO HER.
230
00:12:00,834 --> 00:12:03,400
HOW ABOUT IF I JUST
KNOCK HER UNCONSCIOUS,
231
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,868
AND YOU RIP
HER HAIR OFF?
232
00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:08,834
YOO-HOO, ROSEANNE!
233
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:10,634
FORGET ABOUT GOING BALD.
234
00:12:10,634 --> 00:12:13,234
WORRY ABOUT INHERITING
THAT VOICE.
235
00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:15,734
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
MY HOBO COSTUME?
236
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:18,234
WELL, I THINK
IT'S GREAT, BUT, UM,
237
00:12:18,234 --> 00:12:20,901
YOU SHOULD LET ME
STRAIGHTEN UP YOUR HAIR 'CAUSE IT'S KINDA MESSY.
238
00:12:20,901 --> 00:12:23,968
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MESSY.
I'M A VAGABOND.
239
00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,934
I RIDE THE RAILS
AND LIVE BY MY WITS.
240
00:12:27,934 --> 00:12:30,801
I KNOW, BUT LET ME
STRAIGHTEN IT 'CAUSE IT'S TILTED.
241
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:33,400
I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP.
242
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,200
WELL.
243
00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:46,367
WELL, YOUR PARTY
IS IN FULL SWISH.
244
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:50,434
LET'S SEE.
ALL IN PURPLE, LET ME GUESS.
245
00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:54,200
YOU'RE EITHER ONE OF
THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS
246
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,701
OR BARNEY.
247
00:12:58,601 --> 00:12:59,934
AND I KNOW
WHO YOU ARE.
248
00:12:59,934 --> 00:13:01,868
YOU'RE BECKY'S
GYM TEACHER.
249
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:06,834
NO, I THINK YOU KNOW
WHO I AM. HMM?
250
00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:10,400
MANY IN WASHINGTON FEEL
I HAVE TOO MUCH POWER,
251
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,567
AND I CONTROL
THE PRESIDENT. HMM?
252
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:16,801
I ALWAYS WEAR SENSIBLE
BUT FEMININE DRESSES.
253
00:13:16,801 --> 00:13:18,734
J. EDGAR HOOVER?
254
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,634
NO.
255
00:13:23,634 --> 00:13:25,968
I'M HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON.
256
00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:27,968
HOOVER WOULD NEVER
WEAR TAUPE.
257
00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:29,801
HE WAS AN AUTUMN.
258
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,300
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
259
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,701
MR. PRESIDENT
260
00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:41,167
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
261
00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,634
TO YOU
262
00:13:43,634 --> 00:13:46,000
MWAH.
I LOVE YOU, JACK.
263
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,100
WHO ARE YOU
SUPPOSED TO BE?
264
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,801
LET ME GIVE YOU
A HINT.
265
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,200
GOOD-BYE, NORMA JEAN.
266
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:14,534
HOLY RENTED COSTUMES,
BATMAN.
267
00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:16,367
IT WAS THE ONLY WAY
I COULD GET HIM TO COME.
268
00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:18,868
HE THINKS
A SUPERHERO COSTUME MAKES HIM LOOK MACHO.
269
00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:21,601
FRED, STOP HIDING
BEHIND THE CAPE.
270
00:14:21,601 --> 00:14:22,701
I DON'T WANT
THESE GUYS
271
00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:24,534
CHECKING OUT
MY UTILITY BELT.
272
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:26,868
HEY, FRED.
273
00:14:26,868 --> 00:14:29,267
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
CAN WE GO NOW?
274
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:31,868
NO! WE'RE HAVING FUN.
275
00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:34,801
HOW'S IT GOING,
FRED?
276
00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:37,400
HEY, DAVE.
277
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,534
EXCUSE ME.
278
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,067
THAT'S A GREAT COSTUME,
UH, DAVE, IS IT?
279
00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:54,267
UH-HUH.
280
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:55,901
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
KNOWN FRED?
281
00:14:55,901 --> 00:14:57,734
I USED TO KNOW HIM
BEFORE HE STOPPED
282
00:14:57,734 --> 00:15:00,901
COMING TO THE BARS
AND EVERYTHING.
283
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:04,968
ARE YOU TRYING
TO TELL ME THAT FRED IS GAY?
284
00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:08,501
HONEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE
HE'S TRYING TO BE STRAIGHT.
285
00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:16,767
OK, GUYS AND GALS,
286
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,801
YOU KNOW WHAT
TIME IT IS.
287
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:21,567
OH, GREAT. ARE WE GOING
TO CANE SOMEBODY?
288
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,634
NO, IT'S LIMBO TIME.
289
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:29,100
HAVE YOU SEEN FRED?
290
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,634
UM, NO.
291
00:15:30,634 --> 00:15:33,033
I, UH--
I HAVE TO FIND DAN.
292
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,601
Dan: THE OLD SQUAD
HAD THIS CRAB-STYLE, IT WAS JUST, BOP!
293
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,467
DAN, DAN, DAN,
I GOTTA SEE YOU ALONE
294
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:39,267
IN THE KITCHEN
RIGHT NOW.
295
00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:41,934
AH, SURE, LITTLE LADY.
THIS COWPOKE WOULDN'T MIND
296
00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:44,534
A LITTLE RIDE ON THE RANGE.
297
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:52,067
OH!
298
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:57,968
DAN, FRED IS GAY.
299
00:15:57,968 --> 00:15:59,367
WHAT?
300
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:01,501
I WAS JUST TALKING TO
THIS DIANA ROSS GUY,
301
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:04,234
AND HE SAID THAT FRED
USED TO BE GAY.
302
00:16:04,234 --> 00:16:06,534
FRED? FRED'S NOT GAY.
303
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,300
FRED IS GAY, OK?
HE'S THE GAYEST.
304
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:13,467
HE'S GAY, GAY,
GAY, GAY, GAY.
305
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:16,334
I GET IT.
306
00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:20,133
OLD DANNY BOY'S NOT
FALLING FOR THE OLD FRED-IS-GAY PRANK.
307
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:22,067
YOU DID A LOT BETTER
WHEN YOU GOT THAT DOCTOR
308
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,000
TO TELL YOUR MOM
SHE ONLY HAD A WEEK TO LIVE.
309
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,367
DAN, THAT IS NOT MY PRANK
310
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,934
BECAUSE THIS IS MY PRANK.
311
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,501
WOW, GOOD PRANK,
ROSEANNE.
312
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:37,834
MRS. CONNER,
CAN I GET DOWN NOW? I CAN'T FEEL MY TOES.
313
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,334
SHUT UP!
314
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,234
NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
315
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,834
FIRST OF ALL,
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
316
00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,300
SECOND OF ALL,
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
317
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,334
JACKIE HAS TO KNOW, DAN.
318
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:54,834
I MEAN, YOU CAN GO
STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND ALL YOU WANT,
319
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:58,300
BUT I WOULD NOT DO IT
AROUND FRED IF I WAS YOU.
320
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,968
UH, HEY, LEON,
WHERE'S JACKIE AND FRED?
321
00:17:09,968 --> 00:17:12,701
UH, FRED RAN OUT, AND
JACKIE RAN AFTER HIM.
322
00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,200
I THINK
THE CAPED CRUSADER
323
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,367
WAS AFRAID OF
BEING UNMASKED.
324
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,868
OH, LEON,
PUT A SOCK IN IT.
325
00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:21,501
DON'T NEED TO.
326
00:17:27,868 --> 00:17:29,067
[KNOCKING]
327
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:31,367
YEAH?
328
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,634
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
329
00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:37,300
UM, WELL, I HEARD
THAT YOU AND FRED RAN OUT OF THE PARTY,
330
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,067
AND SO, I WAS JUST
KIND OF WORRIED.
331
00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:41,234
ARE YOU GUYS OK?
332
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,801
YEAH. HE WENT
STRAIGHT TO BED.
333
00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:44,868
I DON'T--SOMETHING UPSET
HIM AT THE PARTY.
334
00:17:44,868 --> 00:17:47,767
WELL, I WANT TO ASK YOUR
ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING.
335
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,734
UM, AT THE PARTY TONIGHT,
YOU KNOW?
336
00:17:50,734 --> 00:17:52,400
THERE WAS THIS GUY, YOU KNOW?
337
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,400
AND, UM, I, UM--
338
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,400
I FOUND OUT
THAT HE'S REALLY GAY.
339
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:01,200
AND, I MEAN, HE'S A NICE GUY,
SEE, BUT HE'S MARRIED.
340
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,167
AND I DON'T THINK HE'S TOLD
HIS WIFE THE TRUTH.
341
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,734
OH, WOW.
342
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:08,033
YEAH. SO, DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD TELL HER?
343
00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:10,267
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S A HARD ONE.
344
00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:11,534
NO, I WOULDN'T.
345
00:18:11,534 --> 00:18:14,033
WELL, I WOULD.
FRED IS GAY.
346
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,801
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
347
00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:20,601
JUST A LOT OF GUYS
AT THE PARTY, THEY KNOW FRED,
348
00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:23,901
LIKE YOU KNOW HIM,
YOU KNOW? I MEAN, A DIFFERENT SIDE OF HIM.
349
00:18:23,901 --> 00:18:26,000
THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
350
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,501
PLEASE. THERE IS NO WAY
THAT FRED COULD BE GAY.
351
00:18:29,501 --> 00:18:31,868
I MEAN,
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS
352
00:18:31,868 --> 00:18:33,934
THAT A WIFE KNOWS
ABOUT HER HUSBAND.
353
00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:36,167
OK. JUST THINK ABOUT IT
FOR A MINUTE, JACKIE.
354
00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:39,334
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
NOTICED ANYTHING A LITTLE ODD ABOUT FRED?
355
00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:41,434
NO. LIKE WHAT?
356
00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:45,100
LIKE WHEN HE CAME
BACK FROM CHICAGO WITH THAT HAIRCUT.
357
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:48,300
FRED LIKES TO TRY
NEW THINGS.
358
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:51,267
WITH HIS HAIR.
ONLY WITH HIS HAIR.
359
00:18:51,267 --> 00:18:53,300
WELL, YOU KNOW,
HE'S ONLY SLEPT WITH 3 WOMEN
360
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,200
IN HIS WHOLE LIFE,
RIGHT? SO THAT LEAVES A LOT OF FREE NIGHTS.
361
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,167
AND YOU KNOW THAT
HE'S ALWAYS ADMIRED YOUR BOYISH FIGURE.
362
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:01,601
THAT DOESN'T PROVE
ANYTHING, ROSEANNE.
363
00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:03,767
DIDN'T HE TAKE YOU
TO SEE
364
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,567
THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT,PART III?
365
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,434
OH, MY GOD!
366
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,434
GO AWAY. GO AWAY!
367
00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:33,634
LEAVE US ALONE.
WE ARE AS GOD MADE US.
368
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,167
OH, HO, HO!
369
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,767
WE'RE EVERYWHERE,
ROSEANNE.
370
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:44,334
OK, I PROPOSE A TOAST TO
THE ALL-TIME GREATEST PRANK
371
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:47,200
IN THE HISTORY
OF THE UNIVERSE.
372
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,367
ROSEANNE, COME ON.
COME ON BACK.
373
00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:52,968
THINK WE WENT
TOO FAR?
374
00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:57,200
I DON'T KNOW.
DAN, YOU THINK WE SHOULD HAVE WORN PANTS?
375
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,534
NOT NOW, FRED.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT IN THE SHOWER.
376
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,501
ROSIE!
377
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,133
COME ON, DON'T BE MAD.
IT WAS JUST A JOKE.
378
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:07,033
GREAT PICTORIAL FOR
THE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER.
379
00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:23,400
HEY, DAN,
IF YOU'RE STILL GAY,
380
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,901
I COULD GO FOR A MIMOSA
AND SOME EGGS FLORENTINE.
381
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,567
I DON'T COOK
FOR YOU.
382
00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:31,767
I'M FRED'S BITCH.
383
00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:34,000
ADMIT IT, ROSEANNE.
WE GOT YOU.
384
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,667
YOU WERE TOTALLY FREAKED.
385
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,234
YOU KNOW,
THE REALLY AMAZING THING
386
00:20:37,234 --> 00:20:38,734
WAS NOT THAT DAN WAS GAY,
387
00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:41,901
BUT THAT HE WOULD BE
ATTRACTED TO FRED.
388
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:44,667
I HAVE A BONE TO PICK
WITH YOU, MISSY!
389
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:47,100
YOU KNOW, MOM,
NO ONE WRITES LETTERS ANYMORE.
390
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,901
AND I THINK YOU'RE
JUST THE PERSON
391
00:20:48,901 --> 00:20:51,167
TO REVIVE
THAT LOST ART.
392
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:54,200
I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU WENT
393
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,267
TO MY BEAUTY PARLOR
YESTERDAY
394
00:20:56,267 --> 00:21:00,634
AND ASKED ANTONIO
ABOUT MY HAIR.
395
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,400
YOU WENT BACK THERE?
396
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,968
OH, CHILL OUT, MOM.
HE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING.
397
00:21:04,968 --> 00:21:08,167
YOU'VE GOT THE ONLY
HAIRDRESSER IN TOWN THAT DOESN'T DISH.
398
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:11,100
HOW COULD YOU DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
399
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:14,934
I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING
TO EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY,
400
00:21:14,934 --> 00:21:17,868
BUT IN FRONT OF
MY HAIRDRESSER?
401
00:21:17,868 --> 00:21:21,100
I MEAN, DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY DECENCY? HOW DARE YOU!
402
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:23,901
WELL, MOM,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL. I WAS JUST CURIOUS.
403
00:21:23,901 --> 00:21:26,467
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW
404
00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:28,834
WHAT'S GOING ON
UNDER THIS HAIR?
405
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:30,200
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
406
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,434
WELL, YEAH.
407
00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:34,400
FINE.
FACE YOUR FUTURE, ROSEANNE.
408
00:21:36,601 --> 00:21:39,067
AAH!
409
00:21:39,067 --> 00:21:41,467
[CRYING]
410
00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,267
DON'T FEEL BAD,
ROSEANNE.
411
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,901
YOU WON'T BE
BALD ALONE.
412
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,767
I'M WITH YOU, TOO, SIS.
413
00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:01,300
AH HA HA!
414
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,901
GOD, MOM, I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT YOU HAD THAT IN YOU.
415
00:22:12,901 --> 00:22:14,601
ADMIT IT, ROSEANNE.
416
00:22:14,601 --> 00:22:16,267
YOU'RE NOT
THE CLEVEREST TRICKSTER
417
00:22:16,267 --> 00:22:17,901
IN THIS FAMILY ANYMORE.
418
00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:19,834
HA HA HA!
419
00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:23,667
WELL, I GUESS
YOU GUYS SHOWED ME
420
00:22:23,667 --> 00:22:26,968
THIS HALLOWEEN,
DIDN'T YOU?
421
00:22:26,968 --> 00:22:30,367
7 BALD PEOPLE
IN MY KITCHEN.
422
00:22:30,367 --> 00:22:31,834
I'M JUST SO ASHAMED.
423
00:22:31,834 --> 00:22:34,300
I HAVE NOTHING
TO TOP THAT WITH.
424
00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:36,801
OH. EXCEPT FOR...
425
00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:52,968
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
426
00:22:53,018 --> 00:22:57,568
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