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1
00:00:17,247 --> 00:00:18,947
It's alive!
2
00:00:33,921 --> 00:00:37,112
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
3
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:39,587
Hey, did somebody down here
order a pizza?
4
00:00:39,656 --> 00:00:42,690
- Oh, whoa!
- Cowabunga, dude!
5
00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:45,793
Uh, oops.
I, like, left my cash inside.
6
00:00:45,829 --> 00:00:48,830
Why don't you come in while I,
like, grab it.
7
00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:52,333
Oh, bummer!
I can't find my cash.
8
00:00:52,369 --> 00:00:55,904
How else can I, like, pay you?
9
00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:58,706
Uh, bro, I don't know what's
happening, but I'm a hard pass.
10
00:01:02,512 --> 00:01:04,279
Yeah.
Great job, Mikey.
11
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,648
That schtick always
gets us free pizza.
12
00:01:06,683 --> 00:01:10,952
Yeah, that was my goal.
13
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:14,222
One day, someone will make
me come out of my shell.
14
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,593
Uh, yeah, I'm supposed
to meet Melanie here?
15
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:20,461
I'm ... I'm Melanie.
16
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,597
You don't look anything like
your pictures online.
17
00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:24,332
Wait, did you human me?
18
00:01:26,436 --> 00:01:29,121
Happy Easter, kids!
And don't forget the true
19
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,707
meaning of the holiday ...
chocolate and Easter egg hunts.
20
00:01:31,708 --> 00:01:33,175
- Yay!
- Who's next?
21
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,976
Oh, that would be me.
22
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,111
Chocolate and Easter egg hunts, huh?
23
00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:38,480
Nothing about a certain someone
24
00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:40,548
dying for a certain
everyone's sins?!
25
00:01:40,584 --> 00:01:41,650
[Bleep] off, man.
It's just business.
26
00:01:41,651 --> 00:01:43,551
Hey, is there a problem...
Ow!
27
00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:45,287
Ow, my [bleep] hand!
28
00:01:45,288 --> 00:01:47,222
Hey, hey!
29
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,304
Happy Easter!
30
00:02:02,305 --> 00:02:04,005
All right!
Look, I'm sorry, man. I just ...
31
00:02:04,007 --> 00:02:06,074
I couldn't turn down $300 a day.
32
00:02:06,109 --> 00:02:11,139
You committed this blasphemy
for $300 a day?!
33
00:02:11,815 --> 00:02:14,282
Happy Easter!
Ho ho ho!
34
00:02:14,317 --> 00:02:16,784
Eggs!
We're splitting it 50-50, right?
35
00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:20,421
Uh, 60-40, Bugs.
I rose from the [bleep] dead.
36
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:23,224
Jeepers, you're
Unsinkable Molly Brown.
37
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:25,727
You survived the Titanic!
Can I have your autograph?
38
00:02:25,762 --> 00:02:29,130
Certainly, my dear.
39
00:02:29,132 --> 00:02:31,766
Oh, shit!
40
00:02:31,801 --> 00:02:33,402
We can now confirm King Kong
fell from atop
41
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,837
the Empire State Building, landing on
42
00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:36,704
Unsinkable Molly Brown,
crushing her to death, and ...
43
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,606
Wait, I-I don't believe
what I'm seeing.
44
00:02:38,642 --> 00:02:40,408
Rescue workers are pulling
a victim out of
45
00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:42,044
the great beast's mighty
anal cavity.
46
00:02:42,045 --> 00:02:43,445
Let's ... let's listen in.
47
00:02:46,182 --> 00:02:48,916
It's Unsinkable Molly Brown!
She's alive!
48
00:02:48,952 --> 00:02:51,019
What incredible luck for
the creature to land on her
49
00:02:51,054 --> 00:02:52,688
in such a way ...
all things considered.
50
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:54,156
Molly Brown truly can't be killed.
51
00:02:54,157 --> 00:02:58,626
Gee willikers, aren't you King
Kong's Butthole Molly Brown?
52
00:02:58,662 --> 00:03:02,664
- Can I have your auto...
- Get the [bleep] out of my face!
53
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:06,200
And I was like,
"Unh-uh, my makeup is perf.
54
00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:08,403
You're getting a dry handy
or nothing."
55
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:12,140
Who is Carol Young?
56
00:03:12,175 --> 00:03:16,644
- That's my mom. Why?
- She just followed me on Twitter!
57
00:03:18,515 --> 00:03:21,316
Your mom just sent me
a friend request!
58
00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:23,151
She's blowing up my Insta.
59
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:27,555
She just commented on a picture
I posted from Cancun in 2015!
60
00:03:27,590 --> 00:03:30,825
"Looking hot, chicas!"
Sombrero emoji, poop emoji!
61
00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,361
What?!
62
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:35,596
- Hey, hey!
- Mom! Get out of here!
63
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:39,334
She's coming, she's coming!
64
00:03:39,369 --> 00:03:42,503
What are you guys, on roller skates?
65
00:03:42,539 --> 00:03:46,307
- #Squadgoals, right, girls?
- Just kill me now!
66
00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:48,176
A selfie!
67
00:04:07,764 --> 00:04:09,331
Ew!
68
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,233
Ugh! That young man
over there is mooning us.
69
00:04:12,268 --> 00:04:14,268
What?!
70
00:04:14,304 --> 00:04:17,338
Ugh! Oh, no!
He's full-mooning us, Karen,
71
00:04:17,374 --> 00:04:19,385
- I'm ... I'm a werewolf.
- You're a what?
72
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:23,799
Oh, Karen, take the wheel!
Aroo!
73
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:32,653
Hey, I've got some candy in
my van. You want to come see?
74
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:36,959
Hey, I've got underage boys in my van.
Want to come see?
75
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,127
Well played.
76
00:04:38,128 --> 00:04:40,996
Pick a card, any card.
77
00:04:43,633 --> 00:04:45,800
For the souffle, you
must make sure to use
78
00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:47,336
room temperature eggs.
79
00:04:47,337 --> 00:04:48,871
Un, deux, trois.
80
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:52,947
Oh! Hey, you killed my sisters,
you [bleep] bitch!
81
00:04:54,778 --> 00:04:58,179
Hi, yes.
30 boxes of Sudasmurf, please.
82
00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,314
- "Sudasmurf"?
- I mean, Sudafed.
83
00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:01,984
Smurfed that up.
84
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:04,218
We don't sell to smurfs.
85
00:05:04,254 --> 00:05:06,387
I'm not a smurf. I hate smurfs!
What's a smurf?
86
00:05:06,423 --> 00:05:07,956
Smurfs are what we call people
87
00:05:07,957 --> 00:05:09,924
who buy Sudafed
to make crystal meth.
88
00:05:09,959 --> 00:05:11,759
We are not here to make meth.
We're here ...
89
00:05:11,795 --> 00:05:13,895
I mean I'm here because
Papa Smurf ... I mean,
90
00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,630
Papa Human Being Person ...
ugh!
91
00:05:15,665 --> 00:05:18,065
Has a bad head cold
and asked me to smur...
92
00:05:18,101 --> 00:05:21,002
Ugh! I mean, buy some cold
medi-smurf for him!
93
00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,604
- Nailed it.
- Uh-huh.
94
00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:24,439
- I need to see some I.D.
- Of course.
95
00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:27,508
Smurf on a sec.
Uh, Handy, smurf me out here.
96
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,211
Handy is what I call my hand.
97
00:05:29,212 --> 00:05:30,779
Oh.
98
00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,281
Here you go.
99
00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:34,282
Uh, this I.D. is made of cardboard.
100
00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:37,385
Hey, Brainy, smurf him this.
101
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,587
We all chipped in
and smurfed you a gift.
102
00:05:39,622 --> 00:05:43,091
- And, again, by we, I mean me.
- Hmm. Odd, but, okay.
103
00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,259
Got it!
Hefty, get us out of here!
104
00:05:45,295 --> 00:05:49,764
Whoo-hoo!
We're gonna get so smurfin' high!
105
00:05:49,799 --> 00:05:53,301
I'm gonna smurf crank
right into my eyeball.
106
00:05:57,006 --> 00:05:59,240
Der-di-ker der, der, der, nnn!
107
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,209
I don't understand you, sir.
108
00:06:01,244 --> 00:06:03,644
You're going to have to return
to your country of origin.
109
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,314
Dergin do!
110
00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:14,088
You know that's a mole's dick, right?
111
00:06:15,825 --> 00:06:17,758
Oh, no, it's not.
Actually, I'm a mole down here,
112
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,827
and I can see clearly that
it's a worm!
113
00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:22,730
Now get that worm!
Get it!
114
00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:25,466
Ziggy, we found a way to double
your productivity ...
115
00:06:25,502 --> 00:06:26,935
with Silly Putty.
116
00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:30,338
Talk about your suffocating
work environment.
117
00:06:32,509 --> 00:06:35,209
Hey, good looking.
118
00:06:35,245 --> 00:06:37,512
- Hey, you look like me.
- No, you look like me.
119
00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:39,580
- No, you look like me.
- No, you look like me!
120
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:42,984
Sometimes it's hard to feel
unique in this world.
121
00:06:43,019 --> 00:06:45,253
What do you want me to do,
Ziggy? Profits are up 1,000%.
122
00:06:45,288 --> 00:06:48,122
- And just look at them out there.
- You know, sometime I wish
123
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,525
the water cooler would make
me a little cooler.
124
00:06:50,593 --> 00:06:51,610
When I wished for a paycheck,
125
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,428
I should have been more specific
about the numbers on it.
126
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:56,731
They're all so dull.
My God, what have I done?!
127
00:06:56,766 --> 00:06:58,566
We have to end this.
Burn them.
128
00:06:58,601 --> 00:07:00,501
Burn them all.
129
00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,770
- Ow!
- Ow!
130
00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:06,808
Ow!
131
00:07:06,809 --> 00:07:08,110
Ow!
132
00:07:08,111 --> 00:07:10,912
I always wondered
what bacon feels like.
133
00:07:10,947 --> 00:07:15,082
They always told me
my career would catch fire.
134
00:07:15,118 --> 00:07:16,946
- Oh, [bleep], even one's too many.
- Whoa!
135
00:07:16,981 --> 00:07:20,154
Is this your way of
telling me I'm fired?!
136
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:23,559
You just used a fire pun!
Just burn faster!
137
00:07:25,094 --> 00:07:27,461
Looks like somebody's got
a case of the Mondays.
138
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:32,867
- This is a raid!
- Raid?!
139
00:07:32,902 --> 00:07:35,336
Fox News has fired
yet another host.
140
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:38,172
Filling in tonight,
an actual fox ... Swiper.
141
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:41,409
Caution, you're about to enter
the Swiping Zone!
142
00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:43,394
First up tonight,
the president continues
143
00:07:43,494 --> 00:07:47,081
his immigration crackdown,
deporting a suspicious senorita.
144
00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:50,251
I was born in East L.A.!
I'm not leaving!
145
00:07:50,286 --> 00:07:53,154
Oh, no!
You can't tell me where to go!
146
00:07:54,524 --> 00:07:56,390
Anyway, what's next?
Lori?
147
00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:58,292
Hey there, boobs.
Looking good.
148
00:07:58,328 --> 00:08:01,162
Doesn't she look great?
I could fox with that.
149
00:08:01,197 --> 00:08:03,130
Swiper, no swiping!
Swiper, no swiping!
150
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:06,267
- Swiper, no swiping!
- You're too late!
151
00:08:11,641 --> 00:08:13,741
Little boy of wood and string,
152
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:16,143
for you the gift of life I bring.
153
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:18,846
Hey, that's pretty nifty. Can ...
can you do that on anything?
154
00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:20,848
W-What kind of rules are we
working with here?
155
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,517
Oh. Achoo!
156
00:08:22,518 --> 00:08:24,819
Oh, this hay fever is killing me.
157
00:08:24,854 --> 00:08:26,854
- Drop the narcotics.
- What's that, son?
158
00:08:26,889 --> 00:08:28,923
Suspect noncompliant.
159
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:31,258
You cannot purchase antihistamines
160
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:33,227
without proper identification.
161
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,096
Suspect noncompliant.
162
00:08:35,131 --> 00:08:37,999
Oh, my foot!
Okay, I don't need the Sudafed.
163
00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:40,668
I'll just go home!
Oh, God.
164
00:08:40,703 --> 00:08:43,204
Pseudoephedrine is a key
ingredient in methamphetamine.
165
00:08:43,239 --> 00:08:45,072
You will not purchase
pseudoephedrine without
166
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,775
proper identification.
167
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,276
It's in my car!
168
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:50,244
Please, son, just let me
get to my car!
169
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,747
Suspect noncompliant!
170
00:08:56,486 --> 00:08:59,320
Whoa, man, this ain't
what it smurfs like, man!
171
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:06,360
Suspect noncompliant.
172
00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:08,396
Hello, Sarah.
173
00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:10,098
You never called me back.
174
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,669
I miss you.
Me-ma, me-ma, me-ma.
175
00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:17,038
Hey, ALF, what ya doing?
176
00:09:17,073 --> 00:09:19,440
Brian, I'm just listening to
some old tunes I wrote
177
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:22,410
- back on Melmac.
- You were a musician?
178
00:09:22,445 --> 00:09:25,513
Yeah! I even have an old
music video I shot.
179
00:09:25,548 --> 00:09:27,082
Check it out.
180
00:09:28,451 --> 00:09:30,618
♪ Coming straight outta Melmac ♪
181
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,087
♪ That's where I'm at ♪
182
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:33,255
♪ What's my favorite dish? ♪
183
00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:34,456
♪ You know it's cat ♪
184
00:09:34,457 --> 00:09:36,657
♪ Eat so many cats,
my belly's flabby ♪
185
00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:39,092
♪ But ALF ain't eating
no regular tabby ♪
186
00:09:39,093 --> 00:09:41,129
♪ Got expensive tastes,
I get my pick of the litter ♪
187
00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:43,531
♪ Chomping deep-fried
Siberian kitten fritters ♪
188
00:09:43,566 --> 00:09:45,700
♪ You eat skinny cats,
I like my felines fat ♪
189
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:48,302
♪ I eat fat, bald cats
that look like fat ass rats ♪
190
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,504
♪ Cat burgers, cat dogs, man,
you think I'm a liar ♪
191
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:52,907
♪ Bitch, I once ate
a Sumatran tiger ♪
192
00:09:52,942 --> 00:09:55,209
♪ I eat cat tail churros
and declawed paws ♪
193
00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:57,545
♪ I eat kitty soup out of
an Egyptian vase ♪
194
00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:59,847
♪ While you're all eating alley
cats covered in fleas ♪
195
00:09:59,882 --> 00:10:02,149
♪ Your boy ALF's eating cats
that are Siamese ♪
196
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,685
♪ I eat Burmese biscuits
for breakfast ♪
197
00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:06,421
♪ Short-haired stack
for brunch ♪
198
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:08,989
♪ In between a Manx
or a lynx to munch ♪
199
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,525
♪ Take down a Persian virgin
Sphinx for lunch ♪
200
00:10:11,561 --> 00:10:13,828
♪ For dinner,
I chow on Arabian Mao ♪
201
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,464
♪ Even got a snow leopard in
my tummy right now ♪
202
00:10:16,499 --> 00:10:18,599
♪ So what you know about that? ♪
203
00:10:18,634 --> 00:10:20,935
♪ I eat gourmet cat ♪
204
00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:23,771
♪ ALF's eating so much pussy, yeah ♪
205
00:10:23,806 --> 00:10:25,639
♪ ALF's eating so much pussy ♪
206
00:10:25,675 --> 00:10:28,209
♪ ALF's eating so much pussy, yeah ♪
207
00:10:28,244 --> 00:10:30,177
♪ ALF's eating so much pussy ♪
208
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,480
Maybe that's a good point to stop.
209
00:10:32,515 --> 00:10:35,116
Oh, that was awesome!
I want to be just like you.
210
00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:37,184
That's great!
You want to rap?
211
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,420
No.
I'm gonna eat our cat!
212
00:10:39,455 --> 00:10:41,222
Come here, Lucky!
213
00:10:41,257 --> 00:10:43,624
Ha! I like your style, kid.
214
00:10:43,659 --> 00:10:45,327
Save me some butthole.
215
00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:47,028
It's the best part!
216
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:51,401
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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