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1
00:00:06,739 --> 00:00:08,206
( jones )
he worked here for a while, but he's not...
2
00:00:08,307 --> 00:00:09,974
They're coming
to pick this up.
3
00:00:10,075 --> 00:00:12,377
Watch it like hawks,
please.
4
00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:14,746
Don't open it.
5
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:24,856
Hot brownies.
6
00:00:24,957 --> 00:00:25,857
Hot brownies.
7
00:00:25,958 --> 00:00:27,325
No, no.
8
00:00:27,426 --> 00:00:28,459
Okay, he's not
out there.
9
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,694
...I bet it's them
10
00:00:29,795 --> 00:00:31,229
Counterfeit
phone cards they got.
11
00:00:31,330 --> 00:00:34,131
( screaming )
12
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:40,939
Whoo !
Come here !
13
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,707
( tires screeching )
14
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,977
Oh... Ah !
15
00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:50,148
Whoa !
16
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:56,387
( growling )
17
00:01:01,693 --> 00:01:04,929
( sirens blaring )
18
00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:17,642
( siren wailing )
19
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,720
Free drinks for
law enforcement is a...
20
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:32,056
That's a dangerous idea.
21
00:01:32,157 --> 00:01:34,259
It's not every night,
is it at that place ?
22
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,660
( junior )
tuesdays.
23
00:01:35,761 --> 00:01:37,862
Guinness and baileys
and car bombs.
24
00:01:37,963 --> 00:01:39,564
Guinness and baileys--
car bombs.
25
00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:41,065
Oh, dear lord,
are those good.
26
00:01:41,166 --> 00:01:43,234
Morning, sunshine.
27
00:01:43,335 --> 00:01:44,735
( williams )
hey, girl.
28
00:01:44,836 --> 00:01:48,039
Can we turn off some of
the lights in here, please ?
29
00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:52,410
Did everybody see garcia
all up on johnson ?
30
00:01:52,511 --> 00:01:54,245
( wiegel )
ew !
31
00:01:54,346 --> 00:01:56,447
Like a little koala bear.
32
00:01:56,548 --> 00:01:59,150
On behalf of the male half
of the department,
33
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,819
I apologize for garcia.
34
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:04,222
You know that
old-man perseverance...
35
00:02:04,323 --> 00:02:07,091
Oh, here's
the horny toad himself.
36
00:02:07,192 --> 00:02:09,060
What's up, heartache ?
37
00:02:09,161 --> 00:02:11,863
( wiegel )
I saw an "america's most wanted" last night
38
00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:13,131
That I'd never seen before,
39
00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:16,801
So it was actually good
that I'd stayed home.
40
00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:19,371
Okay, the first thing
on the agenda,
41
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,939
Building operations.
42
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,206
I'm sorry, the memo
is spinning.
43
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,841
I'm gonna set it
down for a second.
44
00:02:23,942 --> 00:02:25,476
Excuse me.
45
00:02:25,577 --> 00:02:29,213
Why are you wearing
garcia's shirt ?
46
00:02:29,314 --> 00:02:31,115
( williams )
hoo-hoo !
47
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,451
( laughing )
48
00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:36,787
Oh, what did
you do ?
49
00:02:36,888 --> 00:02:38,456
What do you
think we did ?
50
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:41,125
Clemmy took a little
moustache ride this morning.
51
00:02:41,226 --> 00:02:42,593
( dangle )
oh...
52
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:43,962
( all groan in disgust )
53
00:02:44,062 --> 00:02:45,563
Did you see that,
did you see that ?
54
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:46,965
I'll do it again.
55
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,232
I'll do it again,
see ?
56
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,134
Go change shirts,
go change shirts !
57
00:02:50,235 --> 00:02:52,237
Stop kissing and go
change shirts.
58
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,343
( shattering )
59
00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,377
What just
happened there ?
60
00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:00,845
Hello ?
61
00:03:00,946 --> 00:03:03,748
Somebody-- you dropped
a pot or something !
62
00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:06,283
A nice, potted plant
fell down here.
63
00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:08,786
( woman )
you're going to have to drag me out of here,
64
00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,187
You fuckin' cops !
65
00:03:10,288 --> 00:03:11,589
That's why we're here !
That's why we're here !
66
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,391
...Bothering us for all
these years,
67
00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:14,692
For christ's sake.
68
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:16,895
I'm not leaving
so some developers...
69
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:18,697
Okay, just...
70
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:20,931
Just calm down,
mrs.-- Hey, shit !
71
00:03:21,032 --> 00:03:22,601
...To the real
criminals !
72
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,035
I am not going anywhere !
73
00:03:24,136 --> 00:03:25,436
Get the riot shields.
Riot shields.
74
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:26,504
Shields, shields.
75
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:28,839
We've only come
to evict you !
76
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:32,343
I hope I hit one of you,
you sons of bitches.
77
00:03:32,444 --> 00:03:34,011
Oh, incoming !
78
00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:34,979
Yikes !
79
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,481
( screaming )
80
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,015
Incoming !
81
00:03:38,116 --> 00:03:39,683
Sooner or later, you're
gonna run out of plants...
82
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,819
Hey, heads up !
83
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:42,854
Yikes.
84
00:03:42,955 --> 00:03:44,121
Oh !
85
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,523
God !
86
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:46,758
In-- look out !
87
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,526
No way, no way !
88
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,126
And I'm gonna--
89
00:03:49,227 --> 00:03:50,562
Oh !
Woah !
90
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:51,896
Shit !
91
00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:53,564
You're headed for club fed,
bitch, you understand that ?
92
00:03:53,665 --> 00:03:55,299
Oh, that's it, that's it,
that's it, bitch !
93
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,435
Take her out !
94
00:03:58,637 --> 00:04:01,072
Oh, got her
on the bounce ! Yeah !
95
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:05,009
( car alarm chirping )
96
00:04:22,828 --> 00:04:26,030
Garcia is like the little
mexican that could, you know ?
97
00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:28,967
He's been trying and trying
and trying to mount that woman,
98
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,702
And he finally got
over the top.
99
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,169
I'm real happy for him.
100
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:34,539
Was it devastating enough
that you won't go back,
101
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,376
Or will you
do it again ?
102
00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:40,178
I'm gonna do it again.
103
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,612
( groaning )
( groaning )
104
00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,781
Like, I know,
I already know I'm gonna
105
00:04:43,882 --> 00:04:45,282
Do it again, you guys.
106
00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:46,618
Why ?
107
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,752
'cause I want to.
Ew.
108
00:04:48,854 --> 00:04:51,055
I did some more shots,
109
00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:53,692
And then someone
was rubbing my neck,
110
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,627
And it felt so good.
111
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,364
And I was like,
"I know I should stop this,
112
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,133
But I just don't want to,"
you know what I mean ?
113
00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:03,534
Eww.
114
00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:05,770
Like, it was feeling
really good but--
115
00:05:05,871 --> 00:05:07,805
Like, if I looked
down and saw the hands,
116
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:10,074
Then it kind of made
me go, "ugh".
117
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,409
But I didn't
want it to stop.
118
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:13,144
So I just let him keep going.
119
00:05:13,245 --> 00:05:15,279
And then I just
did some more shots.
120
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,215
And then he was, like,
whispering in my ear.
121
00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:19,851
You know how when
someone whispers in your ear,
122
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,619
And you get all
goosey-bumpy ?
123
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,555
Did he have, like,
old-man breath ?
124
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:26,324
Yes.
125
00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:28,125
( all groaning )
126
00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:30,695
Details, details,
boy, spill it.
127
00:05:30,796 --> 00:05:31,629
Tell us everything.
128
00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:33,197
Do tell.
129
00:05:33,298 --> 00:05:37,234
Well... I ain't gonna
lie to you,
130
00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:41,406
Alcohol did lower
my inhibitions a little bit.
131
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:46,044
I started talking maybe more
than I should have.
132
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:51,049
I felt like a...
133
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:54,452
Young child
being taken care of.
134
00:05:54,553 --> 00:05:56,888
Her lips were soft...
135
00:05:56,989 --> 00:06:01,525
And, uh,
kisses so sweet.
136
00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:08,233
The smell of a soul mate
coming to...
137
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:11,870
Find his soul mate.
138
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,238
Did you get
a blowjob too ?
139
00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:22,146
Call for backup.
140
00:06:22,247 --> 00:06:23,915
Okay, here's
how it's gonna go:
141
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,183
I'll take the front,
you take the back.
142
00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:27,117
Yes, sir.
143
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,053
( dog barking )
144
00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:31,355
How about I take the front,
you take the back ?
145
00:06:31,456 --> 00:06:33,558
Uh, how about--
garcia, you take the back,
146
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,259
You take the window,
I'll take the front.
147
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:36,527
Hell, no, I got seniority,
I'm taking front.
148
00:06:36,628 --> 00:06:38,763
I go on the roof,
you take the back.
149
00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:40,331
Okay, you take the roof, I'll
take the window, you take--
150
00:06:40,432 --> 00:06:41,266
Wiegel !
151
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,399
Yes.
152
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:43,934
Good news,
you're taking the back.
153
00:06:44,035 --> 00:06:46,437
Ooh !
Yeah.
154
00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:51,976
( barking )
155
00:06:52,077 --> 00:06:55,680
God, god, god,
god, god, god !
156
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,920
Stay still,
don't move, junior.
157
00:07:03,021 --> 00:07:04,755
I'm trying to lay still,
you stupid...
158
00:07:04,856 --> 00:07:06,757
Junior, lay still !
159
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,370
support the police
160
00:07:19,471 --> 00:07:20,371
oh
161
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,574
support the police
162
00:07:22,674 --> 00:07:25,176
people flip us the bird
always disrespected
163
00:07:25,277 --> 00:07:27,712
I'm just doin' my job
servin' and protectin'
164
00:07:27,813 --> 00:07:30,448
walkin' the beat
my badge is my bling-bling
165
00:07:30,549 --> 00:07:32,950
rob my street I'll send
your ass to sing-sing
166
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:35,420
rollin' in the roller
cruisin' in the cruiser
167
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,822
I'm "a" number one
and you's a three-time loser
168
00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:40,224
I put the "fine"
in "$40 fine"
169
00:07:40,325 --> 00:07:41,826
I put the "cop"
in "cop a feel"
170
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:43,027
hell yeah
171
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:45,095
step out of line
your ass is mine
172
00:07:45,197 --> 00:07:47,097
tell the judge,
'cause you got no appeal
173
00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:48,399
damn
174
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,201
ho's in the backseat,
I'm ridin' shotgun
175
00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:51,369
�you want
my digits ?
176
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:52,770
call 9-1-1
177
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:55,473
I'm the man in reno,
the police, the 5-0
178
00:07:55,574 --> 00:07:57,875
a c-o-p in
the county of washoe
179
00:07:57,976 --> 00:08:00,177
count on my protection
a'comin' through
180
00:08:00,278 --> 00:08:03,014
don't disrespect me
and I won't shoot you
181
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:04,081
you down with
c-o-p ?
182
00:08:04,182 --> 00:08:05,215
reno s.D.
183
00:08:05,316 --> 00:08:06,484
you down with
c-o-p ?
184
00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:07,551
reno s.D.
185
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:08,820
you down
with c-o-p
186
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,154
reno s.D.
187
00:08:10,255 --> 00:08:11,589
so punk
the police
188
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,724
peace
189
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:23,468
If you ask me if I believe
he bagged clemmy,
190
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:27,472
No, I don't
believe he did it.
191
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:28,673
I challenge him to--
192
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,341
( chuckling )
193
00:08:30,442 --> 00:08:32,076
He did it.
194
00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:34,111
She told us
all about it.
195
00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,481
Details.
196
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,783
Where you going ?
197
00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,652
Where...
198
00:08:40,752 --> 00:08:41,953
He's such
a crybaby.
199
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:44,588
He just don't want nobody
else to get none
200
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:45,890
If he ain't getting none.
201
00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,659
Jonesy, I'll
give you some !
202
00:08:53,765 --> 00:08:56,334
Well, I'm just gonna
pull over for a second,
203
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:57,935
If that's okay
with you.
204
00:08:58,036 --> 00:08:59,770
Sure, I mean, if you
need to take a rest
205
00:08:59,871 --> 00:09:02,840
And you want me
to drive or something...
206
00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:08,579
Ow, my back.
207
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,883
Oh, I'm sorry.
208
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:13,217
( whispering )
here we go.
209
00:09:13,318 --> 00:09:16,186
Wow, a bunch of rocks.
210
00:09:16,288 --> 00:09:17,989
Those are crystals.
211
00:09:18,089 --> 00:09:19,190
Really ?
212
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:23,293
They've been, uh,
infused with my energy.
213
00:09:23,394 --> 00:09:26,297
( groaning )
214
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:27,464
Holy cow.
215
00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:29,166
( speaking gibberish )
216
00:09:29,267 --> 00:09:31,435
( panting ) okay.
Okay, okay.
217
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:34,238
All right.
218
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:35,673
Ho, ho, ho !
219
00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:36,974
What, what-- ouch !
220
00:09:37,075 --> 00:09:40,978
Last night was a jump start,
and I got feelings,
221
00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:43,815
And I want
to do this right.
222
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:46,483
I know, but we can
do it right later.
223
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:49,519
Right now, let's just do it
wrong, let's just do it wrong.
224
00:09:52,991 --> 00:09:56,127
You know,
I cannot believe
225
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,862
That clemmy went there.
226
00:09:57,963 --> 00:09:59,930
I cannot believe it,
I cannot believe it.
227
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:02,466
I really, really thought,
even though they were low,
228
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,868
I thought she had standards.
229
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:07,104
My whole picture of the world
is a little bit like--
230
00:10:07,205 --> 00:10:10,207
It's like I saw a video
231
00:10:10,308 --> 00:10:12,910
Of princess di
porking a dog or something.
232
00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:15,913
...Or like,
"hey, we panned down,
233
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,781
"we found the other part
of the mona lisa
234
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:20,718
Where you see bush."
235
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:24,722
Oh, we got a call
this morning...
236
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:26,957
Suspicious person...
237
00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:29,059
Trespassing
on people's lawns.
238
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:30,428
That's big mike
up to something.
239
00:10:30,528 --> 00:10:32,563
Crystal meth and schnapps
240
00:10:32,664 --> 00:10:36,034
Have turned his brain
into a sponge.
241
00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:37,769
What the hell
is he up to ?
242
00:10:37,869 --> 00:10:39,470
He's stealing
newspapers.
243
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:40,604
Look at that,
he just did it.
244
00:10:40,705 --> 00:10:41,772
Just took the newspaper
off that door.
245
00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:43,041
Sheriff's department !
246
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,342
Mike ?
247
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,375
Mike, no !
248
00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:46,511
Mike, freeze,
freeze, freeze !
249
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,579
God damn it, freeze !
250
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:50,247
No, no, no, no...
251
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,016
All right, stay right
by the porsche.
252
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:53,985
...Relax, man.
253
00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,920
What the hell
are you up to ?
254
00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,822
Just hanging out.
255
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,057
Don't try and hide 'em
in the shirt, mike.
256
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:01,425
I'm standing right here.
257
00:11:01,526 --> 00:11:03,027
I'm four feet
away from you.
258
00:11:03,128 --> 00:11:04,328
What are you doing ?
259
00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:05,862
Just getting
some papers.
260
00:11:05,964 --> 00:11:07,397
He's gonna run,
he's gonna run, he's gonna run.
261
00:11:07,498 --> 00:11:09,333
No, shit !
Son of a bitch !
262
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:10,534
Freeze, freeze !
263
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:11,835
On the ground,
down, down !
264
00:11:11,936 --> 00:11:15,472
Get down, get down
on the ground, on the ground.
265
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:16,474
Oh, shit !
266
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:17,742
Oh, I slipped
in poop.
267
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:18,909
Goddamn it !
268
00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:21,044
Oh, man !
269
00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:23,481
Stay there.
270
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,816
Son of a bitch.
271
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,185
Come on, get up
out of the dog poop.
272
00:11:28,286 --> 00:11:30,087
Get up, move him
over here.
273
00:11:30,188 --> 00:11:31,189
Oh, that's just
disgusting.
274
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,256
You know what
that is ?
275
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:33,924
That's that
goddamn rottweiler.
276
00:11:34,025 --> 00:11:35,059
Yeah.
277
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:39,430
He shits like a man.
Yeah.
278
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:42,133
Door's locked.
279
00:11:42,801 --> 00:11:43,667
Shit.
Oh, shit.
280
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:45,035
Did you leave
the keys in her ?
281
00:11:45,136 --> 00:11:46,270
Is your window down ?
282
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:47,471
No, my, this one here--
283
00:11:47,572 --> 00:11:49,006
Do you want me to bust
the window with a rock ?
284
00:11:49,107 --> 00:11:50,107
No, no, we don't.
285
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,709
'cause you can bust it.
286
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:55,279
Hello, I have to
go to jail now.
287
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,315
The officer's got me !
288
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,283
Now, you stay put there,
mike, all right ?
289
00:11:59,384 --> 00:12:01,986
You stay there !
290
00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:03,854
Oh.
291
00:12:03,955 --> 00:12:04,789
Nice work, assholes.
292
00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:13,230
Well, if I could
read your palm,
293
00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:16,033
I'd say that you
have a wonderful future
294
00:12:16,134 --> 00:12:19,804
As a nice wife
and a homemaker
295
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:23,107
And somebody that needs
to have a happy life.
296
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,675
I just--
297
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:27,978
If I could read palms,
but I can't, so...
298
00:12:28,079 --> 00:12:30,080
Actually,
this line says
299
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:34,018
That I've got three more
years on my bankruptcy.
300
00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:35,152
Oh.
301
00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:37,221
We're one now,
you know ?
302
00:12:37,322 --> 00:12:38,688
We, uh--
303
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:42,392
Yeah, t-t-that's what
that means, we're one, okay.
304
00:12:42,493 --> 00:12:44,728
It means that
you're my man.
305
00:12:44,829 --> 00:12:46,230
I'd like
to be your man.
306
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:50,234
And, you know,
I would help you out
307
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:54,972
If I had a f.I.C.O. Score
that was above 480.
308
00:13:02,914 --> 00:13:05,049
I'm happy for
clemmy and garcia.
309
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,584
( chuckles )
310
00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:11,055
I mean, they're each just
always humping on something,
311
00:13:11,156 --> 00:13:12,590
They might as well
hump on each other.
312
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:14,725
That's one less
thing to be humped on.
313
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,428
I'm not surprised
that they got together.
314
00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:18,995
The only thing I'm really
surprised about
315
00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:21,031
Is that he
didn't get a disease,
316
00:13:21,132 --> 00:13:22,200
You know what
I'm saying ?
317
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,235
Well, some diseases
take a couple weeks,
318
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:26,336
Sometimes years
to show up.
319
00:13:26,437 --> 00:13:31,676
I'll keep my eye out
for itchy, red bumps.
320
00:13:31,776 --> 00:13:36,046
On yourself
or on one of them ?
321
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:42,286
Nice to see you,
honey.
322
00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:43,754
Good to see you.
323
00:13:43,855 --> 00:13:45,021
Oh, you've never been
here before, have you ?
324
00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:46,890
No, ma'am, I haven't.
325
00:13:46,991 --> 00:13:48,892
Welcome, welcome
to my lair.
326
00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:51,962
My self-portraits,
and I'm real proud of these.
327
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:53,931
I have a friend that
customizes vans,
328
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:55,566
That's you, all right.
And this is delicious.
329
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,668
Yeah, that is me,
330
00:13:57,769 --> 00:13:59,470
The warrior
princess in lingerie.
331
00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:01,205
I would never wear my bangs
that way, but...
332
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:03,174
I went to
the doctor today,
333
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:06,878
And, uh... For $2,000,
334
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:11,982
I can get all the tattoos
erased from my back,
335
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:15,119
Which means...
336
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:17,655
What does that
mean ?
337
00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:21,258
Oh, I can get--
I will have a clean canvas
338
00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:23,994
For when I get your name
339
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:28,332
And your face
tattooed there instead.
340
00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:29,333
Ohh.
341
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,102
Because you're my man,
you're my man.
342
00:14:31,202 --> 00:14:33,570
Okay...
343
00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:35,205
And I'm in love
with you.
344
00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:36,940
I'm in love
with you, too.
345
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:38,409
Yeah ?
Yeah.
346
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,144
Sugarplum.
347
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:42,079
So, I can cover
the $2,000.
348
00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:44,514
What I need
you to do for me
349
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:49,286
Is give me $700 so I can
go to my guy and get--
350
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,556
I need $700
and a recent picture,
351
00:14:52,657 --> 00:14:54,625
And then I'll have--
352
00:14:54,726 --> 00:14:57,961
What are you not
doing right now ?
353
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,331
Thank you, thank you !
354
00:15:04,835 --> 00:15:08,872
We've been having a book drive
here at the station for kids,
355
00:15:08,973 --> 00:15:11,175
And put a donation box
out here, and, uh...
356
00:15:11,276 --> 00:15:15,946
Sure enough,
somebody pooped
357
00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:18,215
In the book-donation box,
so, uh...
358
00:15:18,316 --> 00:15:19,583
( retching )
359
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,185
That's "the giving tree"
there.
360
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,455
A wonderful book
about a little boy,
361
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,323
And he's friends
with a tree.
362
00:15:26,424 --> 00:15:27,558
This book--
363
00:15:27,659 --> 00:15:29,760
The first time I saw it,
it made me cry.
364
00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:31,562
And it makes me want to cry
that somebody pooped on it.
365
00:15:31,663 --> 00:15:32,563
Got poop all over it.
366
00:15:32,664 --> 00:15:35,265
The ironic thing
is that the last thing
367
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:38,869
The tree gives the boy is
a nice place to sit.
368
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:43,407
Oh, jim, it got me,
it got me.
369
00:15:43,508 --> 00:15:44,475
Ohh !
370
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,210
What the hell
are you doing ?
371
00:15:46,311 --> 00:15:47,978
Why don't you just burn 'em,
or get rid of 'em ?
372
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:50,214
They're for children.
373
00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:52,683
You're gonna give children
crap-stained books ?
374
00:15:52,784 --> 00:15:54,284
That's why we're
cleaning them.
375
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,986
And they're
poor children.
376
00:15:56,087 --> 00:15:57,454
Get it out.
377
00:15:57,555 --> 00:15:59,690
Hey, hey...
Hey, hey !
378
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,158
"the wind in the willows."
379
00:16:01,259 --> 00:16:02,492
You got a latte.
380
00:16:02,593 --> 00:16:04,594
Thank you, junior.
381
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:06,563
Well, here,
I don't want to get-- hey.
382
00:16:06,664 --> 00:16:08,899
Can you just
sip me some ?
383
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000
Sip me some.
384
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:11,135
Pull my mask down
and just sip me some.
385
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:12,269
I ain't gonna
sip you nothing.
386
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,603
I'm not--
just sip me some.
387
00:16:13,704 --> 00:16:15,072
No, you got poop
on my face !
388
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:16,273
Oh !
389
00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:18,041
Now there's coffee
in the poop box !
390
00:16:18,142 --> 00:16:19,409
Help, clemmy.
391
00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:22,346
I got poop on--
there's poop on my face !
392
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:24,482
No, get away !
393
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:25,382
Pull my
glasses up.
394
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:28,418
Not you, you.
395
00:16:29,754 --> 00:16:31,355
Ah, ah !
Jim, that's windex.
396
00:16:31,456 --> 00:16:33,691
Ah, god !
397
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:34,725
No, don't
blow on me.
398
00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:36,059
Just let me be,
it burns.
399
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,395
You got
a little bit--
400
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,962
No !
401
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:42,600
No, no !
I'm sorry.
402
00:16:44,102 --> 00:16:46,804
Do you want me
as bad as I want you ?
403
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,672
Oh, yeah.
404
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:51,809
Yeah, I do.
405
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:55,445
Well, let me
finish my wine.
406
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:56,713
Oh, okay.
407
00:16:56,814 --> 00:17:00,317
Smoke a little more,
and then we'll...
408
00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:01,951
Get that going.
409
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,354
Excuse me very much.
410
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:06,223
Oh, I did not offer you
sugar for that wine.
411
00:17:06,324 --> 00:17:07,657
Would you like some ?
412
00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:09,460
It's so much better if there's
a little something in it.
413
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,595
Y'know, like when you're
in high school, you always say,
414
00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:13,430
"oh, mom, I'm gonna go
watch a movie with,
415
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:15,732
Uh... My boyfriend,"
416
00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:17,835
And then
you come home,
417
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:20,237
And your lips are all
swollen like ugh,
418
00:17:20,338 --> 00:17:22,206
And your hair's all matted,
419
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:23,908
And all your makeup
is absorbed into your face,
420
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,943
And you're covered
with hickeys.
421
00:17:26,043 --> 00:17:26,944
And your mom says,
422
00:17:27,045 --> 00:17:28,545
"hey, what were
you doing ?"
423
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,113
And you say, "oh, I was
just watching a movie."
424
00:17:30,214 --> 00:17:31,915
And she says,
"that's my boyfriend.
425
00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,650
I'd appreciate it if
you'd stay away."
426
00:17:33,751 --> 00:17:35,386
And then I say,
"well, you know what ?
427
00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:38,856
Why don't you shave your legs,
stupid bitch, whore."
428
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:43,193
But, we could
make a movie.
429
00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:45,262
( growls )
430
00:17:54,772 --> 00:17:56,506
Hello, keith.
431
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:57,374
( man )
hey, guys.
432
00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,076
How you doing ?
433
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:00,978
Well, we've got a pervert
on the loose,
434
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:02,746
And we're gonna need
to put up some signs,
435
00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:06,984
'cause we don't want perverts
in our community.
436
00:18:07,084 --> 00:18:08,585
Wow, that's, um...
437
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:11,187
That looks a lot
like me.
438
00:18:11,289 --> 00:18:12,822
Yeah, I guess
he kind of does, huh.
439
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:16,460
Yeah, I don't know if you
want to put those up in here.
440
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:17,928
Oh, we've got to.
441
00:18:18,029 --> 00:18:19,129
All right, guys, seriously,
442
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:21,031
I can't have that
in the store, man.
443
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:22,833
Yeah, I guess it
would be difficult
444
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:26,637
If someone thought you were
a criminal of some sort,
445
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,405
Y'know, having your
face on something that says
446
00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:31,675
You're a criminal...
Of some sort,
447
00:18:31,776 --> 00:18:34,278
Some kind of
an offender, keith.
448
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:35,712
Yeah, okay, I see
what you're doing here.
449
00:18:35,813 --> 00:18:36,980
Keith, come on.
450
00:18:37,081 --> 00:18:39,049
The difference is, though,
that was a $387 check.
451
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:40,284
$387 check.
452
00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:42,353
I've got
5,000 of these.
453
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,854
Ha !
454
00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:46,122
Come on,
together, together.
455
00:18:46,223 --> 00:18:47,991
And... Go.
456
00:18:48,092 --> 00:18:49,793
Thank you.
457
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:54,064
Pleasure doing
business with you.
458
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,171
Often we don't have
enough suspects
459
00:19:01,272 --> 00:19:03,073
To fill out a complete lineup,
460
00:19:03,174 --> 00:19:06,143
And we deputies have to fill in
as sort of ringers.
461
00:19:06,244 --> 00:19:07,477
Junior called me last night.
462
00:19:07,578 --> 00:19:09,880
Today we've got some
chimney sweeps in, I guess.
463
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:13,150
So, just threw this together
464
00:19:13,251 --> 00:19:16,252
From my old
musical-theater trunk.
465
00:19:18,422 --> 00:19:20,958
( snickering )
466
00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:27,898
( junior )
number five, would you please step forward and sing
467
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:30,534
"supercalifragilistic-
expialidocious" ?
468
00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:33,670
( cackling )
469
00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:40,744
Fuck you, fuck you,
fuck all of you !
470
00:19:40,845 --> 00:19:44,281
Fuck you.
Fuck you !
471
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,285
...Very, very small
termite.
472
00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:51,321
It grows in the bean,
or they put it in the bean ?
473
00:19:51,422 --> 00:19:54,158
Goddamn it,
goddamn it, clementine !
474
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,059
Goddamn it !
475
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,127
I mean,
for crying out loud,
476
00:19:57,228 --> 00:19:58,495
I feel like a goddamn
salt lick.
477
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:00,097
I mean,
you're always on me !
478
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,333
I mean, uh, goddamn...
479
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:04,801
I just-- I can't
do this anymore.
480
00:20:04,902 --> 00:20:06,469
I can't be your
suck-on boyfriend.
481
00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:09,839
You're a real fine
person, clementine.
482
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:15,379
And, uh, that's gonna be it,
that's gonna be it.
483
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:26,624
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
484
00:20:26,724 --> 00:20:29,059
You see, it's kind of like
getting a flu shot.
485
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,226
You know,
you do it once,
486
00:20:30,327 --> 00:20:31,762
And then you never have
to do it again,
487
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:34,097
No matter
how awful it is.
488
00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:36,065
But now it's over.
489
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:37,634
Thank you.
490
00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:39,136
I was gonna say,
I'm sorry you guys quit...
491
00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:40,637
Here's to me,
here's to me.
492
00:20:40,738 --> 00:20:41,738
It was a plan !
493
00:20:41,839 --> 00:20:43,573
Yes, it was.
494
00:20:43,674 --> 00:20:45,008
( junior )
I thought you slipped for a moment.
495
00:20:45,109 --> 00:20:47,177
Why do they call it
a bean if it's a worm ?
496
00:20:47,278 --> 00:20:48,679
Why don't they call it--
497
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,047
Just like sea monkeys
aren't really monkeys.
498
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:51,515
Yes, they are,
but they are.
499
00:20:51,616 --> 00:20:52,782
( dangle )
no, they're not.
500
00:20:52,883 --> 00:20:54,184
( williams )
no, they're urchins.
501
00:20:54,285 --> 00:20:55,419
No, they're not urchins--
502
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,087
( jones )
they're actually fish.
503
00:20:57,188 --> 00:21:00,057
( junior ) what do
sea-monkeys live off of ?
504
00:21:08,299 --> 00:21:11,735
Oh, god !
505
00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:15,272
Now you just smeared it.
506
00:21:15,373 --> 00:21:17,441
Is there poop
on my eye ?
507
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:20,577
Why are you doing
this, lieutenant ?
508
00:21:20,678 --> 00:21:23,346
You know, I suppose we could
have got some trustees.
509
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:27,684
That's a good question.
510
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,453
Yeah, why don't you get
some trustees, I guess ?
511
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:30,821
I'm burning really
pretty good.
512
00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:32,723
I'll go in
and get on that.
513
00:21:32,824 --> 00:21:34,825
And somehow this has made
me hungry for tacos, so...
514
00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:36,827
Oh, god.
515
00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,195
You up for lunch ?
516
00:21:38,245 --> 00:21:42,795
Repair and Synchronization by
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