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1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,308
Hi. Tammy, alcoholic.GROUP: Hi, Tammy.
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,658
Whew. I'm still
a little rattled. [chuckles]
3
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:09,139
I'm standing in line
at the salad bar today,
4
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,707
and there's this cop behind me.
5
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,449
So, of course, fresh out
of jail, I get paranoid.
6
00:00:14,492 --> 00:00:18,888
My hands start shaking,
chickpeas rolling off the plate.
7
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,673
[sighs] Freaked me out so much,
I left without getting
8
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:23,197
any of those
itty-bitty corncobs,
9
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,981
which is
the whole reason I went.
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,593
I mean, am I gonna spend
the rest of my life
11
00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:31,422
looking over my shoulder, afraid
they're gonna lock me up again?
12
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:34,077
I can't go back to jail.
13
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:37,167
There's no tiny corn there.
14
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,691
And people stab you.
15
00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:42,738
Anyway, thanks.
16
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,481
Would anyone else
like to share?
17
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,396
Hi. Christy, alcoholic.
18
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:49,919
GROUP:
Hi, Christy.
19
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:52,878
I was so not planning on
coming to the meeting today.
20
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,751
I mean, I had no school,
no work,
21
00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,014
and all I wanted to do
was lie on the couch
22
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,538
and binge-watch Chopped.
23
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:03,106
P.S. I would be great
on that show.
24
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,761
I can't tell you how many times
I've opened up the fridge
25
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:08,938
and all I had was gummy bears,
tortillas and mustard.
26
00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:12,028
That was a challenging
Thanksgiving.
27
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,988
[sighs] But next thing I knew,
I was putting my shoes on,
28
00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:18,904
getting in the car
and driving here. [chuckles]
29
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:21,516
I can't believe it;
I have sober feet.
30
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,083
[chuckling]
31
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,562
They know where
I'm supposed to be,
32
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:26,347
even when I don't
want to be there.
33
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:29,132
Sober feet.
34
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,962
Anyway, that's all.
35
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,964
Really glad to be here.
[chuckles]
36
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:37,097
[applause]
37
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,837
Anyone else?
I'll go.
38
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:41,013
Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.GROUP: Hi, Bonnie.
39
00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:44,147
Well, my fiancé's bar has
finally turned a corner.
40
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:47,019
So, with Adam busy,
I have a lot of time to myself,
41
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,543
which, when I drank,
could be dangerous,
42
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:49,979
but now is kind of nice.
43
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:53,243
I can eat what I want,
see any movie I want.
44
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,680
By golly, for the first time
in my life,
45
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:57,334
I get to be a little selfish.
46
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,380
Too easy.
47
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:04,254
Come on.
"Sober feet."
48
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:07,127
That's recovery
gold right there.
49
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,433
But I look over at
Nora, I get nothing.
50
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:12,088
Not a smile, not a wink,
not even a finger gun.
51
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,568
[clicks tongue]
52
00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:16,658
You know, sweetie,
needy's not a good color on you.
53
00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:19,661
It's not needy to
want an "attaboy"
54
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,489
from my sponsor
once in a while.
55
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:24,100
I always give my sponsees
my full attention.
56
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,582
Oh, please. You slept through
my entire share last week.
57
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,497
I was meditating.
58
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:33,109
Is your secret mantra,
[snorts] "I'm awake"?
59
00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,981
Spot-on, Big Sauce.
She does the same thing
60
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,896
when we're at home
watching Blue Bloods.
61
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,247
Well, it's the only way
I can get you to stop talking.
62
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:43,989
I do get chatty when
Donnie Wahlberg's on camera.
63
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:47,036
I just have a feeling
he's a fascinating person.
64
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:52,781
All right, coffee pot is clean.
I'm out of here.
65
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:56,001
Hey, Nora!
66
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:58,395
Awesome share.
67
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,572
I always get so much out
of what you have to say.
68
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,095
Thanks.
69
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:04,706
[mouthing]
70
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,838
Well, that was hard to watch.
71
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:08,405
She knows how it works.
72
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,102
"Hey, I liked your share."
73
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,843
"Thanks.
I liked your share, too."
74
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,628
Well, I liked
your share today.
75
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,934
Thank you, Wendy.
I liked your share, too.
76
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,022
I didn't share.
77
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:19,460
Oh.
78
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:22,071
Attaboy.
[clicks tongue]
79
00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:25,161
♪
80
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,095
[suspenseful music playing
over TV, woman screams, crunch]
81
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:48,097
Oh!
[laughs]
82
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:50,578
What's the body
count so far?
83
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,884
Well, assuming that cheerleader
can't sew her head back on,
84
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,930
we're up to five.[chuckles]: Yeah.
85
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:58,890
Her head's on the floor, but her
hands still think she's alive.
86
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,240
CHRISTY:
Is it safe to look now?
87
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,329
Hang on.
88
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,852
All clear.
89
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,201
[sharp blow lands,
man screams]
90
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,247
[both laugh]
[screams]
91
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:09,074
You guys suck!
92
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:11,642
The-the jock gets
it in the jockstrap.
93
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,470
[phone chimes]Now, that's good writing.
94
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:14,471
Mm.
95
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,560
Unbelievable.What?
96
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:19,433
I texted Nora an hour ago,
and she still hasn't responded.
97
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,043
So I paused the movie
98
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,218
for something that
didn't actually happen?
99
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,567
Yeah.
100
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,700
Why are you so obsessed
with Nora's approval?
101
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,397
I mean, is it 'cause
she's famous or something?
102
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:30,052
She's not famous; she does
the weather for the local news.
103
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:33,229
And cohosts the Napa Valley
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
104
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,101
It's on two channels.
105
00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:38,016
Christy's always been
an approval junkie.
106
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,236
In high school, if there was
one person in her class
107
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,630
that didn't like her,
that's who she'd have sex with.
108
00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:44,327
Hey, it worked.
109
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,460
You should take a page
from the Book of Bonnie.
110
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:47,896
She never cares
what people think.
111
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:48,897
She should.
112
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,943
See, you say that;
don't care.
113
00:04:51,987 --> 00:04:55,033
[ringtone playing]
114
00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,644
Oh, look, it's Nora.
115
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:57,819
She called you?
116
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,124
Relax. It's Jill.
117
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:00,952
What's up?
118
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:04,260
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.
119
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,957
Are you okay?
120
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,437
What happened?
121
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,134
Someone broke into her house.
Uh, we're on our way.
122
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:12,486
Okay, listen, if the
police ask any questions,
123
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,749
I was here with you all night
watching movies.
124
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:16,620
You werewatching
a movie with us.
125
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,666
Oh, good, say it
just like that.
126
00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:24,454
I just keep thinking, if I'd
gotten home ten minutes earlier,
127
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,151
maybe they still
would've been in here.
128
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:28,284
I could be lying
on the floor dead.
129
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,896
But your hands don't know it
yet, so they're still twitching.
130
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,115
Quit it.
131
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:35,291
[mouthing]
132
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,989
We're just glad you're okay.
What'd they get?
133
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,296
Oh, all the jewelry
that wasn't in the safe
134
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,646
and everything from
the loose cash bowl.
135
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,474
The what?You know how you have
136
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,389
a bowl with loose pennies
and buttons in it?
137
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,217
Jill does that with 20s and 50s.
138
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:52,221
It's for tips, trick-or-treaters
or Mormons.
139
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,093
How much was in there?
140
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:58,575
I don't know,
couple of inches?
141
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,229
I can't find the milk.
142
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,405
Oh, my God,
those bastards took the milk.
143
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,189
MAN [in distance]:
Ms. Kendall?
144
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,974
In the kitchen!
145
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,584
MAN:
Big house. Doesn't help.
146
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:11,066
Follow my voice, follow
my voice, follow my voice!
147
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,287
All right, checked
the whole property. It's clear.
148
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:16,550
Thank you, Officer.
149
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,116
No problem.
150
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,683
Sir, just so you know,
I'm on parole.
151
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:21,642
But I have an alibi;
I was with them
152
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,252
watching slasher movies
all night.
153
00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:25,646
Oh. Yeah, those are fun,
154
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:28,431
till you walk in on
a real crime scene.
155
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,651
I bet you've seen
some messed-up stuff.
156
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:34,132
I don't like to talk
about it, but no.
157
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,873
This is Napa Valley.
158
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,920
People call 911 when they
get a bad wedge of brie.
159
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,487
Oh, I love brie.
160
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,663
All right, here's my card.
161
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,665
Give me a call tomorrow with
a list of what's gone missing,
162
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:45,666
you know, for your insurance.
163
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:46,841
Thank you.
164
00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:50,714
Oh, and, uh, I, uh...
165
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,150
I just got
one more question for you.
166
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,892
Um, is that a Kalamazoo grill
in the backyard?
167
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:56,807
I don't know.
My ex-husband put it in.
168
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,243
I don't touch the thing.
169
00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,768
[chuckles softly]
How can...
170
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,989
How can you not...
171
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:07,470
I'm sorry. It's just,
when I buy a lottery ticket,
172
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,559
that grill is
what I'm dreaming of.
173
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:12,519
You can burn wood,
charcoal, gas, or-or...
174
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,390
you can go infrared.
175
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,481
Infrared.
176
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,441
You're getting a little
worked up here, Officer.
177
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,007
It's just sitting there!
178
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,183
Well, good thing they
didn't steal that.
179
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:26,794
[chuckles] Okay.
180
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,535
You can't steal it;
it's built-in.
181
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,623
I'm sorry.
182
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,581
You ladies, have a,
have a good night.
183
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,238
It's a left,
two rights and a left.
184
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:39,371
Copy that.
185
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:42,418
Well, thanks again for coming,
but I think I'm okay now.
186
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,941
Yeah. Unless they
come back. [chuckles]
187
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,247
What?
188
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,683
Why would you say that?
189
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:47,945
It happens all the time.
190
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,251
I mean, now that the guy
knows the layout,
191
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:50,513
he could get a couple buddies,
come back,
192
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,297
toss this place
like a Caesar salad.
193
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:55,257
Tammy!I'm sorry! You're right.
It could be a chick.
194
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:01,350
I really appreciate
you guys spending the night.
195
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,442
I still think you could've
made room for me up there.
196
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,531
I still think, while you're
down there, you can rub my feet.
197
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,970
Bonnie, would you please
check the windows again?
198
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,494
[sighs] Sure.
199
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,630
Back.
Damn it.
200
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,023
You know, we can't
sleep here every night.
201
00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:23,503
Speak for yourself.
202
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:27,768
This mattress is taking on
the shape of my ass.
203
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:28,986
It's memory foam.
204
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,423
Well, I want to marry it.
205
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,338
Maybe you should hire
some security, you know,
206
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,602
someone to stay here
till you get over the yips.
207
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:36,820
How 'bout that cop?
208
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,561
A lot of those guys
do off-duty work.
209
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,258
Mm, I don't know.
210
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,565
He wouldn't shut up
about my barbecue.
211
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,612
I mean, what man
notices that and not me?
212
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,179
You're right, don't call a cop.
Call a Hells Angel.
213
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:52,619
They know how to crack heads and
appreciate a pretty lady.
214
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:56,013
Shh, shh, shh!
Did you just hear that?
215
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:58,407
Jill, the alarm's on,
you're surrounded by us,
216
00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:00,627
and Christy's closest to the
door-- they'll get her first.
217
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,891
The hell they will!
218
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,894
[grunting]
219
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,940
Geez, shave your legs
once in a while!
220
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,944
Okay, if this
is gonna work,
221
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,990
everybody has to
sleep on their side.
222
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,695
Flip the dolphin, Tam.Oh, sure, sure.
223
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,529
What's this?
224
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,400
Warm brown food?
225
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,446
I'm in.
226
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,929
Appears to be
some sort of chili.
227
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,760
Yep, chili.
228
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:50,111
Hey! What are you
doing, you big moose?!
229
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:51,765
You just walk in
230
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,418
and eat anything
that's cooking on the stove?
231
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,333
It's kept me
alive so far.
232
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,727
Well, it's not for you.
It's for Nora.
233
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,686
I did a little snooping around
on Instagram;
234
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:01,339
found out
it's her favorite thing.
235
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,733
Oh, my God, you're
making chili for Nora
236
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,213
just so she'll like you.
237
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:06,954
Hey, I used to
make you screwdrivers
238
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,433
to get you to like me.
239
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:13,221
You did have a good firm
pour for an eight-year-old.
240
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,353
I really think
this is gonna work.
241
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:17,617
I can almost feel her
loving me already.
242
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,836
You're really quite
pathetic, do you know that?
243
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,882
I've never denied it.
244
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,151
Excuse me.
245
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:32,849
I'm paying you to protect
me, not to sit here watching
246
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,896
six tiny black-and-white
movies at the same time.
247
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,770
You figured out those are the
security cameras I set up, yeah?
248
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:43,947
Halfway through.
249
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:47,690
What's going on there?
Those squirrels fighting?
250
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,692
Oh. Oh.
251
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,870
Yeah, they've been
going at it hot and heavy.
252
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,219
Definitely not married.
253
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,134
[both chuckle]
254
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,095
You know, you don't have to
keep bringing your own food.
255
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:03,140
You're welcome to
anything in the fridge.
Oh.
256
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,926
Thanks, but years
of police work tell me
257
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,710
there's probably less
than a thousand calories
258
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:08,972
in this entire house.
259
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:11,322
Oh, really?
260
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:18,808
I got to ask you a
question, Ms. Kendall.
261
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:22,029
Oh, you've seen me
without makeup; call me Jill.
262
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:24,727
You've seen me without makeup;
call me Andy.
263
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:27,034
[chuckles]
Great, Andy. Ask away.
264
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:31,038
This is a huge house,
and you're just one person.
265
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,344
Don't you think you'd feel safer
in a smaller place?
266
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:36,521
Maybe.
267
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:39,960
But I've just been here so long,
I guess I'm kind of used to it.
268
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,311
And my ex wanted it
in the divorce,
269
00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,748
so I cried until the judge
said I could have it.
270
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,576
Mm.
271
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:51,754
Yeah, my ex did the same thing
with my Raiders tickets.
272
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:54,017
And she doesn't even go.
273
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,585
It's painful enough
trying to watch a Raiders game.
274
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,587
Now I got to turn it on and see
275
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,894
those two empty seats
in the end zone.
276
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:04,549
Oh, that's nothing.
277
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,856
Does your ex have
a beautiful young wife
278
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,858
and an okay-looking child?
279
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:11,513
No. She's dating
another bald cop
280
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:15,473
who could stand
to lose 20 pounds.
281
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,867
What was wrong with me?
282
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:20,870
I'm done being on Team Sad.
283
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,568
I been through
all four stages of grief:
284
00:12:23,612 --> 00:12:26,441
eating, crying,
drinking, snorting.
285
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:29,444
I been down that path.
286
00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:31,489
Got stuck on eating.
287
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,710
Want a bite?
288
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,886
Nah.
289
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,759
I'm not eating bread,
cheese or meat right now.
290
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,499
Watch your fingers.
Oh.
291
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,679
[game show music
playing over TV]
292
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:49,377
[channel changes]Hey, what are you doing?
293
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,945
I was watching...
whatever that was.
294
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,947
I want to watch
the weather.
295
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,383
We live in California.
296
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:58,995
Here's your five-day
forecast: Nice.
297
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,955
Oh, wait. You want to watch
Nora so you can tell her
298
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:04,261
how much you love the way
she points at things.
299
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,177
Suck-up.
300
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,005
Am not.
301
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:11,660
Did I get a text saying
how much she loved my chili?
302
00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:13,009
Yes, I did.
303
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:14,881
She even asked
how my day was going.
304
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,839
Is that the sound
of the ice queen cracking?
305
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,580
I think so.
306
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:21,017
Are you gonna ask questions
and also answer them?
307
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,279
Is that your new thing?
308
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:25,500
Is it? I don't know.
309
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:27,197
Shh, shh!
My new bestie's on.
310
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:28,198
NORA:
Ah, thanks, Rob!
311
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,244
And I agree, that is some tie.
312
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,898
[Nora and Rob laugh]
313
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:33,247
Well, looks like we might need
314
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,726
to break out the sweaters,
folks.
315
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,467
Temperatures will be
cooling down this week
316
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,295
thanks to winds coming in
from the west.
317
00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:40,123
[farts]
318
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:48,131
Hey, you and your chili
just got a shout-out.
319
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,662
[auto-tuned]: ♪ Winds coming in
from the west ♪ [farts]
320
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,795
♪ Winds coming in from
the west ♪ [farts]
321
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,884
♪ Winds coming in
from the west... ♪ [farts]
322
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,843
600,000 views!
323
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:07,063
The minute I saw this, I said,
"Let's make a YouTube video."
324
00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:10,327
And Christy's all, "No, we
can't humiliate my sponsor."
325
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:13,069
Once again, my daughter
holds me back from greatness!
326
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,070
[laughs]
327
00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,376
I feel sorry for her.
328
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:17,204
Okay, when did
you let one rip?
329
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:18,683
High school talent show.
330
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:21,556
I was playing the flute,
but not nearly loud enough.
331
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:22,862
[laughs]
332
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,167
Move over, sex
with Abe Lincoln.
333
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,256
That is now number one
on my time machine list.
334
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,345
[laughter]Man, poor Nora.
335
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,869
Let's watch it again.
336
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:35,396
Seriously, there's a 5% chance
they're laughing at Wendy.
337
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,833
We both know who
they're laughing at.
338
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,226
Here's your Tupperware.
339
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:40,140
I'm so sorry.
340
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:41,706
Well, don't be.
341
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:44,187
Am I feeling a little
embarrassed? Absolutely.
342
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:47,495
I'm human and I frickin'
farted on TV.
343
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,236
And do you want
to talk about that?
344
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,498
Not with you.
345
00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:52,500
I'll bring it to my sponsor,
who, by the way,
346
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:54,676
I'm also not buddies with.
347
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:56,721
Thank you for the coffee.
I got to go.
348
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:58,810
Right. Well,
maybe we should--
349
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,335
Okay. All right. Bye!
350
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:04,468
Marjorie, give me
my phone back.
351
00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:06,993
How did you get from
farts to cat videos?
352
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:09,517
How's Nora?
353
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,172
Our friendship is dead,
and here's the murder weapon.
354
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:14,130
I just don't get
what the big deal is.
355
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,916
We all do it. We burp,
we fart, we pee when we laugh,
356
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:19,135
which only makes us laugh more,
which makes us pee more.
357
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,920
Circle of life.[phone chimes]
358
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,357
Ooh, motion sensor alert.
359
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,621
Aw, look.
Andy's bringing in my mail.
360
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:28,753
How long you gonna
keep him around?
361
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:31,365
I don't know.
He makes me feel safe.
362
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,149
And he's a lot of fun.
363
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:34,846
We stayed up all night
just gabbing.
364
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,979
He told me stories
about being a Marine.
365
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:39,112
He really knows
how to take care of business.
366
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,853
Yeah? Did he take care
of your business?
367
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,290
While you were
gabbing all night?
368
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:44,726
Uh-huh.
369
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:47,120
Girl!
370
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:50,384
[scoffs] He's a great guy, but
you met him; he's not my type.
371
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,299
I don't know.
He brought in your mail.
372
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:53,822
Yeah, he did.
373
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:55,867
Girl!
374
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:57,913
Wendy, it's not working.
375
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,567
I know.
376
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,484
Okay, here are the keys
to your new locks.
377
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,442
Motion detectors are up,
cameras are working,
378
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,009
and I think
the squirrels got married.
379
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:08,968
How can you tell?
380
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,405
They're just eating in silence
next to each other.
381
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,537
[laughs]
382
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:16,453
[sighs] You sure you can't stay
one more night?
383
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:19,848
At this point, I'd just be
taking your money. You're safe.
384
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:21,328
I don't know how to thank you.
385
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:22,764
Promise me one thing.
386
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:25,332
I know, I know. I got to use
that big fancy grill.
387
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:28,422
I was gonna say please be sure
to set your alarm, but, yeah,
388
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,424
I will sleep better at night
knowing you finally
389
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:33,383
tossed a rib eye
on that magnificent bastard.
390
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:37,561
Bye.Bye.
391
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:41,913
BOTH:
Girl!
392
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:44,090
Oh, stop.
393
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:45,700
Let's just start
watching the movie.
394
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,267
I think we just
watched one.Mm-hmm.
395
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,790
A little
romantic comedy
396
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,748
about the lonely rich
girl and her bodyguard.
397
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:56,537
♪ And I-ee-I...
398
00:16:56,580 --> 00:17:01,237
♪ Will always
love you-ooh-ooh... ♪
399
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,022
All right, knock it off.
400
00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:06,416
I told you, he's not my type.
401
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,418
You're right.
You only date super handsome,
402
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,333
emotionally
unavailable jerks.
403
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:14,207
Mmm. Just hearing that
turns me on.
404
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,426
Maybe it's time
for a change.
405
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:17,775
No one's gonna judge you.
406
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,473
And if they do, who
cares? You're happy.
407
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:20,778
Yeah. Hey, I had
a type, too,
408
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,519
and it wasn't
a guy in a wheelchair.
409
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:23,390
Yeah, but Adam's hot.
410
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:24,434
So hot.
411
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,915
And taken. Taken.
412
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,309
We'll see.
413
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,881
The point is
that cop made you smile
414
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:39,493
like I haven't seen
in a long time.
415
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,885
You guys are
really underestimating
416
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,713
how shallow I am.
417
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,069
Knockity-knock.
418
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,027
Hey. What are you doing here?
419
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,683
I just came by to bring you
this tiny cactus for luck.
420
00:17:57,337 --> 00:18:02,516
I know it's your first day back
since the... incident.
421
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:04,692
"Incident." I like that.
422
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:09,000
Around here, they just call it
"that time I farted on TV."
423
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,351
I hope you're not mad at me
over all of this.
424
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:14,397
Okay, we got to nip this
in the bud.
425
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,138
Remember when I first
started sponsoring you
426
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,314
and I asked you to do
a fear inventory?
427
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,142
Yeah.Maybe it's time for you to do
428
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:22,144
another one, because I don't
remember you writing down,
429
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:24,233
"I'm terrified
that people won't like me."
430
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,366
I didn't write that down.Why not?
431
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,151
I was afraid it would
make you not like me.
432
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,458
Do you see
what you're doing here?
433
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,373
Yeah, yeah.
434
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,419
No.
435
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:40,249
If you always seek
the validation of other people,
436
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:41,816
you will never be content,
437
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:43,992
because you're making them
your higher power.
438
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:45,559
You're doing
it with me.
439
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:48,953
And at the end of the day,
I'm just another drunk.
440
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:52,043
Oh. One who is 60 seconds away
from doing the weather.
441
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:53,175
Walk with me.
442
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,959
Ooh, we're gonna do the weather?
443
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,613
Mm-hmm.
444
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,704
Nora, I just want to...Watch the cables.
445
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:06,536
Oh, my God,
that's Sports with Kane Stevens!
446
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,190
And you don't need him
to like you either.
447
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:09,539
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
448
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:12,063
Look, I didn't have
a lot going for me growing up,
449
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:14,196
but winning people over
was one of my strong suits.
450
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,069
And I'm sure it served you,
but you don't need it anymore.
451
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,246
Let me ask you something.
Do you like yourself?
452
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:23,031
'Cause that's the only person
you should be concerned about.
453
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,467
Now, off my set.
454
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:29,646
STAGE MANAGER: All right.
In five, four, three, two...
455
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:31,213
Look who's back.
456
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:34,042
All right, before I get
to the five-day,
457
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,871
let me acknowledge something
that got away from me last week.
458
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:38,873
[Rob laughs][chuckles] Laugh it up, Rob.
459
00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:42,485
We all know you're not wearing
pants behind that desk.
460
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:44,835
Point is, we're
all human.
461
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:47,795
We have our sunny
days and rainy days.
462
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:50,232
It's how you dust yourself off
463
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,235
to get to the next day
that matters.
464
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:54,236
So, looking ahead at...
465
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,283
Oh, my God, she winked at me.
466
00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,634
Which is not a big deal...
beginning now.
467
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,314
[glass crashes]
468
00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,359
[alarm wailing]
469
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,757
Andy! I was sleeping,
and the alarm started going off.
470
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,976
I think somebody's breaking in.
471
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,413
You will?
472
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:43,459
[sighs] You're the best.
See you soon.
473
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:45,505
[alarm continues wailing]
474
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:56,559
Girl.
475
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,126
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
476
00:20:58,169 --> 00:20:59,693
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
477
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:07,744
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
33131
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