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1
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THE RHINE, GERMANY 1945
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Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers.
Come on, come on.
3
00:00:22,165 --> 00:00:24,121
Move yourselves.
4
00:00:26,725 --> 00:00:30,684
Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers.
Come on, come on.
5
00:00:38,845 --> 00:00:42,121
Come on.
Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers.
6
00:00:47,765 --> 00:00:49,562
Inflating parties forward.
7
00:00:59,045 --> 00:01:01,001
Embark!
8
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,002
Follow me.
9
00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:08,797
Paddles out.
10
00:01:08,925 --> 00:01:10,722
Prepare to paddle.
11
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Paddle.
12
00:01:22,965 --> 00:01:25,604
Yes, during the war,
I was a Musketeer myself.
13
00:01:25,725 --> 00:01:28,717
We had one young John Thomas
ostensibly commanding.
14
00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:31,040
More myself was the backbone, of course.
15
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Of a dark night,
many of our officers...
16
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,876
...by some of their own men. You had to.
17
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Yes, I will, squire.
18
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,435
Yeah, that's right, you was there.
19
00:01:40,565 --> 00:01:42,521
After breakfasting in Paddington,
20
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:45,796
we was transferred to the Second Army
for Rhine and Other Rivers.
21
00:01:45,925 --> 00:01:50,874
Ours was an infantry role though many
of us could swim only loosely, if at all.
22
00:01:51,005 --> 00:01:55,521
- It was a complete cock-up.
- 144177 Musketeer Brazier S.
23
00:01:55,645 --> 00:01:58,079
No, no, how I won the war.
24
00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:02,754
The memoirs
of Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody.
25
00:02:10,885 --> 00:02:14,400
Auf Wiedersehen
26
00:02:14,925 --> 00:02:18,998
Auf Wiedersehen
27
00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:26,475
We'll meet again, sweetheart
28
00:02:27,405 --> 00:02:31,603
This lovely day
29
00:02:31,725 --> 00:02:35,877
Has flown away
30
00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:40,118
The time has come
31
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To part
32
00:02:44,725 --> 00:02:48,513
We'll kiss again
33
00:02:48,645 --> 00:02:53,036
Like this again
34
00:02:53,165 --> 00:03:01,516
Don't let the teardrops start
35
00:03:01,645 --> 00:03:05,957
With love that's true
36
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:10,124
I'll wait for you
37
00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:18,402
Auf Wiedersehen, sweetheart
38
00:03:28,285 --> 00:03:31,038
I'll tell you nothing
but my name, rank and number.
39
00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:33,599
My number is 131313.
40
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Lieutenant of Musket Ernest Goodbody.
41
00:03:37,325 --> 00:03:40,920
It all started in 1939.
I suppose it did for you too.
42
00:03:41,045 --> 00:03:43,434
But then first things first.
43
00:03:44,645 --> 00:03:48,354
War is without doubt
the noblest of games.
44
00:03:48,485 --> 00:03:51,238
Finer, I think, Corporal of Musket.
45
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:55,483
Corporal of Musket Transom,
my troop sergeant and a good all-rounder.
46
00:03:55,605 --> 00:04:00,599
Stay there. You, Juniper,
you're perfect where you are. Very square.
47
00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:07,200
Musketeer Juniper, a joy to have
on any team, one of the original BEFs.
48
00:04:07,325 --> 00:04:10,761
What they really thought of me,
I shall never know.
49
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:15,436
- I thought he was bleeding rubbish.
- I thought he was a bleeding tart.
50
00:04:15,565 --> 00:04:19,240
Can I have you right out there
in the country, Gripweed?
51
00:04:19,365 --> 00:04:23,643
Musketeer Gripweed, without whom these
memoirs would never have been written.
52
00:04:23,765 --> 00:04:26,438
My faithful batman.
53
00:04:26,565 --> 00:04:29,079
May I rub your ball, sir?
It gives me pleasure.
54
00:04:29,205 --> 00:04:33,084
- Musketeer Drogue, I die in North Africa.
- Please.
55
00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:40,957
We're gonna hang out the washing
on the Siegfried Line
56
00:04:49,645 --> 00:04:53,160
I rallied to the flag in October 1939
57
00:04:53,285 --> 00:04:58,154
and was immediately selected
as officer potential.
58
00:04:58,285 --> 00:05:03,917
Every word of this film is written
in pencil in my own handwriting.
59
00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:10,114
I owe my introduction to the art of warto my instructors at No.212 OCTU.
60
00:05:10,245 --> 00:05:14,318
In particular,1431 Lieutenant Colonel Grapple,
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later to be known as Grappleof the Bedoo, who impressed me no end.
62
00:05:19,045 --> 00:05:22,594
I took care to talk as far backin the mouth as possible,
63
00:05:22,725 --> 00:05:25,797
being a grammar school lad...which made no difference.
64
00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:28,962
I've always been treatedby the army as top drawer.
65
00:05:29,085 --> 00:05:32,077
What did you say?
66
00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:36,277
Sir...
67
00:05:38,085 --> 00:05:41,077
Never underrate the wily Pathan.
68
00:05:41,205 --> 00:05:45,403
We are going onto the wily Pathan
and the use of anti-gas carpet.
69
00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:47,880
- Ya... Ya...
- The Pathan lives in India.
70
00:05:48,005 --> 00:05:51,839
India is a hot, strange country,
full of wily Pathans up to wily things.
71
00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:54,923
Which is why I always wear spurs,
even in cold weather.
72
00:05:55,045 --> 00:05:59,880
My advice is to keep your rifle strapped
to a suitable portion of your body.
73
00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:03,884
A leg is good. Otherwise,
the wily Pathan will strip himself naked,
74
00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:06,394
grease himself all over,
slippery as an eel,
75
00:06:06,525 --> 00:06:09,483
make off with your rifle,
which is a crime. Any questions?
76
00:06:09,605 --> 00:06:14,474
- Or can we take gas?
- Has the Pathan gone over to Hitler, sir?
77
00:06:15,605 --> 00:06:17,835
- Grammar school boy?
- Sir.
78
00:06:18,885 --> 00:06:22,082
No, he has not.
Too wily for that, the wily Pathan.
79
00:06:22,205 --> 00:06:25,356
Then shall we be fighting him
in this war, sir?
80
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:28,795
Of course, the British army
has always fought the wily Pathan.
81
00:06:28,925 --> 00:06:32,201
Stripped naked under the tent brailings
like a snake, he is.
82
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,281
- Why?
- Why what?
83
00:06:34,405 --> 00:06:37,397
We want to get on to gas.
It may save your life one day.
84
00:06:37,525 --> 00:06:40,562
Why has the British army
always fought the wily Pathan?
85
00:06:40,685 --> 00:06:44,075
He's just like you, a damn troublemaker.
What's your name?
86
00:06:44,205 --> 00:06:47,515
How did you get into OCTU
not knowing your history?
87
00:06:47,645 --> 00:06:52,321
God help your men.
They'll be torn apart by the wily Pathan.
88
00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:57,278
See your dugouts.
Stand by your dugouts. Stand to. Dig in.
89
00:06:57,405 --> 00:07:02,877
To beat the Hun, dig in then break
through with sword and lance. I think.
90
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:06,315
Do your best, eh? That's good...
91
00:07:06,445 --> 00:07:09,755
- Body, sir. This is.
- That's very good, Body.
92
00:07:11,485 --> 00:07:15,000
- It is rather wet inside, sir.
- I know it is.
93
00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:19,277
That smell. That smell.
94
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:22,397
Light the little candle, eh?
95
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:27,474
This is where the war will be fought.
War of movement, my bum.
96
00:07:28,845 --> 00:07:30,801
Sit down, Body.
97
00:07:31,765 --> 00:07:33,323
Thank you, sir.
98
00:07:36,765 --> 00:07:39,802
You're going to be an officer, young Body.
99
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:42,837
- I wonder if you know what that means.
- I think so, sir.
100
00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:47,800
- What does it mean, Body?
- It means my mother will be pleased, sir.
101
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:53,443
I worry about your men, Body.
That's what being an officer means.
102
00:07:53,565 --> 00:07:57,604
You know... I think you know
how England is fixed at the moment.
103
00:07:57,725 --> 00:08:01,479
It's not a question of money, sir.
I'll serve for nothing.
104
00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:03,357
Tell me about yourself...
105
00:08:03,485 --> 00:08:08,798
What I hope I'm saying about England
is that we have no submachine guns,
106
00:08:08,925 --> 00:08:13,555
no rimless cartridges, percussion
grenades, field artillery, no tanks much,
107
00:08:13,685 --> 00:08:17,234
no anti-tanks ever,
no dive bombers, no bombs,
108
00:08:17,365 --> 00:08:20,482
and we invented shrapnel.
Knew him well... His son.
109
00:08:20,605 --> 00:08:27,124
I can't, I fear, I can't march properly
on my own as an officer in the public eye.
110
00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:30,325
Isn't that sickening
when that happens to a chap?
111
00:08:30,445 --> 00:08:32,913
Couldn't your drill instructor
do something?
112
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:36,196
A quick jab up the crutch.
With a broom?
113
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:49,035
"They're Coming."
"They're Coming" by EC Grapple MC VD.
114
00:08:49,165 --> 00:08:50,598
And scar.
115
00:08:50,725 --> 00:08:52,875
"They're Coming."
116
00:08:54,005 --> 00:08:56,678
They're coming from the shires
Coming from the byres
117
00:08:56,805 --> 00:08:58,875
They're coming from the cities and towns
118
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:03,874
They're coming from the factories
They're coming from the farms...
119
00:09:04,005 --> 00:09:06,394
- You married?
- No, I play the harmonica.
120
00:09:06,525 --> 00:09:11,076
I'm coming after you civil reservists
to see if you can remember about rifles
121
00:09:11,205 --> 00:09:13,765
and thumbs down the seams
of your slacks,
122
00:09:13,885 --> 00:09:16,877
into your pink civvy thoughts
with my big black boots,
123
00:09:17,005 --> 00:09:20,680
bearing a big, black, knobbly stick.
124
00:09:20,805 --> 00:09:23,365
So take a hold of yourselves. Stand still.
125
00:09:23,485 --> 00:09:24,804
- Face your front.
- I am.
126
00:09:24,925 --> 00:09:27,280
Squad, 'shun!
127
00:09:27,405 --> 00:09:29,873
- Down them rifles.
- Rifles!
128
00:09:30,005 --> 00:09:32,724
- Splinter.
- Slope arms.
129
00:09:32,845 --> 00:09:34,995
Two, three, across...
130
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,877
- Hands...
- Down!
131
00:09:37,005 --> 00:09:38,757
Throw them rifles.
132
00:09:38,885 --> 00:09:40,841
- Will advance.
- Front, Clapper.
133
00:09:40,965 --> 00:09:44,594
- Splinter.
- By the right, quick march.
134
00:09:44,725 --> 00:09:48,161
Left, right, left, right, left...
135
00:09:48,285 --> 00:09:50,116
Coming dressed in overalls...
136
00:09:50,245 --> 00:09:53,555
- Retire. About.
- Coming with umbrellas...
137
00:09:53,685 --> 00:09:57,075
- Coming bringing gifts...
- Turn!
138
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:01,594
Stand still. Those two men, about.
139
00:10:03,845 --> 00:10:06,313
Don't speak to me like that.
I'm a married man.
140
00:10:06,445 --> 00:10:09,517
About turn.
141
00:10:09,645 --> 00:10:12,443
By the right, quick march.
142
00:10:19,365 --> 00:10:20,684
What's this? Halt.
143
00:10:20,805 --> 00:10:24,639
Stand still. Never, ever
have I seen such a sight.
144
00:10:24,765 --> 00:10:27,120
- Am I hurting you?
- No.
145
00:10:27,245 --> 00:10:29,805
I should be. I'm standing on your hair.
146
00:10:29,925 --> 00:10:32,075
- Who said that?
- Is this North Africa?
147
00:10:32,205 --> 00:10:34,275
- Catterick.
- Marching like idiots.
148
00:10:34,405 --> 00:10:36,123
- Never...
- In all my life!
149
00:10:36,245 --> 00:10:40,318
It really is only a question of getting
the right leg to respond to my brain.
150
00:10:40,445 --> 00:10:43,278
Move to the right in threes.
151
00:10:43,405 --> 00:10:45,965
- Wait for it.
- Where are you going? Still.
152
00:10:46,085 --> 00:10:48,883
- It's no good to me.
- My finger. There's a splinter.
153
00:10:49,005 --> 00:10:53,442
- Right in threes. Right turn.
- Would you go sick?
154
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:56,762
- I want to fight.
- That's the spirit.
155
00:10:56,885 --> 00:11:00,161
- Who's the one in the flat hat?
- Baden-Powell.
156
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:04,881
Fall in, you.
On the command, move. Move.
157
00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:07,997
Don't look at him, look at me.
158
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,195
If you look at him,
I'll give you to him.
159
00:11:10,325 --> 00:11:15,683
You can be put into his hands.
You can spend your life with such as him.
160
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,114
- Oh...
- Brain, brawn and guile...
161
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:21,920
They're coming dressed in overalls
Coming dressed in tweed...
162
00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:24,718
To the front, salute.
163
00:11:24,845 --> 00:11:26,676
- As you were.
- Hit them rifles.
164
00:11:26,805 --> 00:11:31,515
You won't break them.
To the front, salute!
165
00:11:31,645 --> 00:11:37,117
Of skin and guts and fortitude
Of brain and brawn and guile
166
00:11:37,245 --> 00:11:41,602
And what is more,
they're yours, young man
167
00:11:41,725 --> 00:11:43,681
See you do well by them.
168
00:11:54,765 --> 00:11:58,724
I'll never forget the momentI was appointed to my first command.
169
00:11:58,845 --> 00:12:00,676
No...
170
00:12:00,805 --> 00:12:02,682
- Oh...
- Him!
171
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:06,036
Squad, 'shun.
172
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:17,195
- We're all going to die.
- I'm gonna die in North Africa.
173
00:12:17,325 --> 00:12:20,078
Come, now, be fair.
Not all of us, Corporal of Musket.
174
00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,639
There will be survivors.
175
00:12:22,765 --> 00:12:25,074
Many of us, even, will survive training.
176
00:12:25,205 --> 00:12:28,242
It's personal. Can I speak to you
on a personal matter?
177
00:12:28,365 --> 00:12:31,084
Personal? Keep your rear down.
178
00:12:31,205 --> 00:12:34,959
It's her, sir. She's getting stuffed the
jacksy off her by the man from the Pru.
179
00:12:35,085 --> 00:12:37,121
Jacksy?
180
00:12:37,245 --> 00:12:39,076
That is posterior, that is.
181
00:12:41,005 --> 00:12:44,793
Some spy says he gets his hoggins
every Monday, regular as dick,
182
00:12:44,925 --> 00:12:47,917
along with the 18d funeral policy.
183
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:51,162
- Hoggins?
- Is it right, sir?
184
00:12:51,285 --> 00:12:55,039
- Is he intimate?
- He's no friend of mine, sir.
185
00:12:56,845 --> 00:12:58,563
I ask you, in all conscience,
186
00:12:58,685 --> 00:13:03,201
is it right that a serviceman is forced
to carnal knowledge for the insurance?
187
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,281
No, no, decidedly not.
188
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,755
I'll do anything you advise, sir.
189
00:13:08,885 --> 00:13:13,515
Well, Clapper, is your good lady wife
a willing partner to this hoggins?
190
00:13:13,645 --> 00:13:16,478
No, sir. It's this damn war.
It's got her excited.
191
00:13:16,605 --> 00:13:19,483
And him, he's suave.
192
00:13:19,605 --> 00:13:22,358
- Go on.
- Not in my silk stockings!
193
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:27,758
Here, you've brought
your child's gas mask.
194
00:13:27,885 --> 00:13:32,037
Oh, no, not in front
of your child's gas mask.
195
00:13:32,165 --> 00:13:36,283
Well, Clapper, lapse the policy.
It's yours, isn't it?
196
00:13:36,405 --> 00:13:40,034
Good. Then lapse it. You don't need
a funeral policy in the army.
197
00:13:40,165 --> 00:13:42,121
You get the last post.
198
00:13:46,565 --> 00:13:48,521
My word.
199
00:13:48,645 --> 00:13:51,876
Then the insurance will not call
on a Monday for his hoggins.
200
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:55,998
My life. What you've saved
is my life and my honey pot.
201
00:13:58,165 --> 00:14:01,635
Do you mind if I gives
a jump of admiration here, sir?
202
00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:10,241
Dirty bleeder. He'll have to entertain
somewhere else to obtain satisfaction.
203
00:14:10,365 --> 00:14:13,198
Hold on, I'll rescue you, Clapper.
204
00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:17,680
We didn't all die.I often didn't feel well.
205
00:14:17,805 --> 00:14:20,922
But I put a brave face on itand we were soon sent to Egypt,
206
00:14:21,045 --> 00:14:26,165
it seemed at the time,where I volunteered myself. Didn't we all?
207
00:14:26,285 --> 00:14:28,879
What the bloody hell are you doing here?
208
00:14:29,005 --> 00:14:32,236
I'm here, sir, at your convenience.
209
00:14:35,045 --> 00:14:36,797
Ernest.
210
00:14:36,925 --> 00:14:39,314
I know the names of all my men, sir.
211
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:43,563
Come over here.
Your eyes are bright.
212
00:14:43,685 --> 00:14:47,473
- My knees are brown, sir.
- Nice, I've got brown knees.
213
00:14:47,605 --> 00:14:52,315
You'd like to get away from here,
Ernest, wouldn't you? See some action.
214
00:14:52,445 --> 00:14:55,676
- My sole ambition, sir.
- I know.
215
00:14:55,805 --> 00:15:01,084
Ernest, I want you to take your troop of
musketeers and go and do this job for me.
216
00:15:01,205 --> 00:15:05,323
If you do it well, you need never
hang around on street corners again.
217
00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:09,484
You can go away and do stirring things.
Would you like that?
218
00:15:09,605 --> 00:15:11,880
Oh, sir.
219
00:15:12,005 --> 00:15:15,441
Sir, I'd give my right arm and leg.
220
00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:21,037
It's not you, sir.
I'm not bored with you. I love you.
221
00:15:21,165 --> 00:15:24,794
In a strict metaphorical way
of speaking, as it were.
222
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:31,364
I'd give them my arm and leg.
Damn sporting of you, sir.
223
00:15:31,485 --> 00:15:33,521
The lads will be chuffed.
224
00:15:33,925 --> 00:15:35,881
I gulped.
225
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:39,077
I used to gulp like a fish
every time a general touched me.
226
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:42,834
One time, when I was a subaltern...
Nice eyes.
227
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:47,277
We are exchanging bubblegum cards.
We are staff officers.
228
00:15:48,445 --> 00:15:51,278
- Have you got Dunkirk?
- Toby's got Dunkirk.
229
00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:54,442
There's a lot of Dunkirk about.
Ghastly colours.
230
00:15:54,565 --> 00:15:58,001
- I do a bit of Sunday painting myself.
- I want School Bombing.
231
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:01,481
- We know what you want, Toby.
- I want School Bombing.
232
00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:04,517
Not much doubt about morale here, eh?
233
00:16:04,645 --> 00:16:08,354
It's funny when the killing starts.
Some of them don't like it.
234
00:16:08,485 --> 00:16:12,797
That's where you come in. I want you
to set up an advanced area cricket pitch.
235
00:16:12,925 --> 00:16:15,598
Did you think you can do that?
Can you read a map?
236
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,762
239451 or thereabouts, near an oasis.
237
00:16:18,885 --> 00:16:21,718
Get some grass if you can.
Doesn't matter if you can't.
238
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:24,882
I want it first class,
and I want it in September.
239
00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:29,635
That means you have three days from
the time you land behind enemy lines.
240
00:16:29,765 --> 00:16:33,997
It's got to be a good pitch because
a very important bod is going to see it.
241
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:37,754
- How much is she?
- Does she take bully beef?
242
00:16:37,885 --> 00:16:41,241
He's going to come up out
of the torment of the noblest of games
243
00:16:41,365 --> 00:16:43,754
and hear the sharp click
of leather on willow.
244
00:16:43,885 --> 00:16:48,276
Ah, with his weary soldier boys.
That'll show them, bring their tails up.
245
00:16:48,405 --> 00:16:55,243
Show this very important bod just how
high the British soldier can get his tail.
246
00:16:59,045 --> 00:17:03,038
Yes, I want it first class and in three days.
That doesn't give you much time.
247
00:17:03,165 --> 00:17:06,157
I want you to go all out.
Will you go all out for me?
248
00:17:06,285 --> 00:17:08,845
Just remember my standing orders.
Usual thing.
249
00:17:08,965 --> 00:17:14,039
Let no man surrender
if he is wounded and can fight.
250
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:16,998
- Need I say more?
- No, sir.
251
00:17:17,925 --> 00:17:20,758
And thank you, sir, for your faith.
252
00:17:21,645 --> 00:17:27,993
I'll do what I can to tire her out, sir,
so these young soldiers don't get hurt.
253
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:52,955
Hey, hey, hey. It's a dangerous job
and it's an important job.
254
00:17:53,085 --> 00:17:55,724
The next three days
are not going to be a picnic.
255
00:17:55,845 --> 00:18:00,396
I want you to come to me not only as
a troop leader - and it is a good troop -
256
00:18:00,525 --> 00:18:02,800
but also as a friend.
257
00:18:02,925 --> 00:18:07,441
Should you have any doubts, problems,
do not hesitate to come to me.
258
00:18:08,805 --> 00:18:12,878
I want you to feel you can come to me
for help as you would your own father.
259
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:16,315
Hello, Dad, Mum's been looking
all over the shop for you.
260
00:18:17,045 --> 00:18:19,684
Back! Mines!
261
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,761
Reverse engines!
262
00:18:26,845 --> 00:18:29,313
Hard astern.
263
00:18:31,165 --> 00:18:32,803
To me, sir! Troop!
264
00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:38,835
Good job I saw that. Good job, eh?
265
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:43,243
Very heavily mined, you'll find, I'm sure.
We're best out of here.
266
00:18:46,205 --> 00:18:47,604
To me.
267
00:19:01,045 --> 00:19:03,513
Rally to me, Third Troop.
268
00:19:04,525 --> 00:19:06,675
If it is humanly possible.
269
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:10,398
I shouldn't be left on my own.
270
00:19:11,245 --> 00:19:13,281
I can't win a war on my own.
271
00:19:14,725 --> 00:19:16,681
I'm rather too young.
272
00:19:20,605 --> 00:19:24,041
I feel I'm folding up like a telescope.
273
00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:34,674
I hold the DSO. I do hold the DSO, after all.
274
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:41,842
- Commando?
- No.
275
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:44,195
On your feet.
276
00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,561
Come inside.
277
00:20:20,445 --> 00:20:24,040
You are Number 1331490?
278
00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:29,436
Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody
of His Majesty's Brigade of Musketeers.
279
00:20:29,565 --> 00:20:32,204
Huh? Educated
at Wellington and Mariborough.
280
00:20:32,325 --> 00:20:36,955
Before the war, a solicitor in the firm
of Nicholas, Collins & Osgood.
281
00:20:37,085 --> 00:20:40,521
- Am I right?
- No. Sir.
282
00:20:40,645 --> 00:20:43,398
The name is right,
but all the rest is wrong.
283
00:20:47,445 --> 00:20:50,323
Oh, well, just a guess.
We are not all supermen.
284
00:20:58,445 --> 00:21:03,644
Home is favourite. You wouldn't want us
making a nuisance of ourselves out there.
285
00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:05,881
- Use your initiative.
- I ain't got none.
286
00:21:06,045 --> 00:21:09,799
- Come on. Off, Pongo.
- Matelot! Whose bloody side are you on?
287
00:21:09,925 --> 00:21:15,443
It's a great gamble for a great stake
and I pray to God that it comes off.
288
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:19,444
- I like a game of cricket myself.
- Don't you know there's a war on, jack?
289
00:21:19,565 --> 00:21:23,240
Oh, come on, don't give me that.
The sea has always bred heroes.
290
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:28,485
At the battle of Trafalgar, one of the
French captains had both legs blown off.
291
00:21:28,605 --> 00:21:32,075
- And he directed his men to the end.
- I'll see what I can do for you.
292
00:21:32,205 --> 00:21:38,360
- More than my job's worth.
- Mount, come on. Juldi/ Drivers, start up!
293
00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:46,240
We do have some drivers, don't we?
Well, who drove them on? I did.
294
00:21:49,925 --> 00:21:54,874
Clutch in, move gear, pedal down,
clutch out, now all together.
295
00:21:55,005 --> 00:21:59,237
Clutch in, move gear,
pedal down, clutch out.
296
00:22:05,685 --> 00:22:07,038
Very good.
297
00:22:19,045 --> 00:22:24,324
Come on, come on. Give me some speed.
Put that brake on.
298
00:22:24,445 --> 00:22:29,041
Clutch. Don't get too near the man in front.
299
00:22:29,165 --> 00:22:30,757
It's working.
300
00:22:31,885 --> 00:22:33,841
It this absolutely North Africa?
301
00:22:33,965 --> 00:22:36,240
Because I'd like you
to have my best boots.
302
00:22:36,365 --> 00:22:40,836
I don't want your best boots.
Gear in. Accelerator down. Best boots
303
00:22:40,965 --> 00:22:45,516
No, they're good lads.
They'd follow you anywhere.
304
00:22:45,645 --> 00:22:49,194
Hark at them, gazing on me
with their trusting little eyes.
305
00:22:49,325 --> 00:22:51,236
- Sir.
- Shufty.
306
00:22:51,365 --> 00:22:55,916
My feet's wet, sir. Sir, my feet's wet.
307
00:22:56,045 --> 00:22:59,879
- It's disgusting. They are manky.
- Well, they're yours.
308
00:23:00,005 --> 00:23:03,042
- You gave them toys.
- Yours.
309
00:23:03,165 --> 00:23:06,202
I haven't been able to command respect
since before the war.
310
00:23:06,325 --> 00:23:10,159
Right, stop! Stop!
311
00:23:10,285 --> 00:23:13,482
Stop!
312
00:23:14,125 --> 00:23:16,958
Then they're Mr Goodbody's,
who we seem to have mislaid.
313
00:23:17,085 --> 00:23:21,556
We'll do our best to find him. I'm gonna
shoot the bleeder, dropping me in it.
314
00:23:21,685 --> 00:23:24,518
Out, Gripweed. Handbrake on.
315
00:23:24,645 --> 00:23:26,203
Come here.
316
00:23:26,325 --> 00:23:28,998
- Is your feet, Gripweed, wet?
- No.
317
00:23:29,125 --> 00:23:32,083
You're giving me lies.
Goodbody will want to see your feet.
318
00:23:32,205 --> 00:23:35,834
- They dried.
- Then you best get them wet again. Move!
319
00:23:35,965 --> 00:23:37,956
- At the double.
- At the double.
320
00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:41,521
- Anybody else?
- Left, right, left, right...
321
00:23:41,645 --> 00:23:44,113
Sarge!
322
00:23:50,565 --> 00:23:52,715
I'll teach you to try
to put the blame on me.
323
00:23:52,845 --> 00:23:55,917
That was a nasty moment.
Right, all together now.
324
00:23:56,045 --> 00:24:00,960
- Mr Goodbody, sir.
- Mr Goodbody, sir.
325
00:24:01,085 --> 00:24:05,954
Mr Goodbody! Mr Goodbody, sir!
326
00:24:09,645 --> 00:24:15,800
Peter Nan Oboe...Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe...
327
00:24:18,205 --> 00:24:20,560
Netting call, net now.
328
00:24:20,685 --> 00:24:24,314
Seen any Musketeers
swanning about, trooper?
329
00:24:24,445 --> 00:24:26,401
Come here.
330
00:24:28,125 --> 00:24:29,353
Come here.
331
00:24:29,485 --> 00:24:36,323
All stations, report my signal.Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe...
332
00:24:38,925 --> 00:24:42,235
Fourth Muskets, aren't you?
Been expecting you.
333
00:24:42,365 --> 00:24:45,357
- Blue, white and two reds.
- I'm green, green, green, sir.
334
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:47,555
Oh, I know you are.
335
00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:50,757
Well, keep out of my way
until the pitch is ready to play.
336
00:24:50,885 --> 00:24:54,798
Peter Nan Oboe...Hello, all stations, report my signal.
337
00:24:54,925 --> 00:24:57,393
- Where are they?
- Who, sir?
338
00:24:57,525 --> 00:25:03,077
- The Bedoo, my wily Arabs.
- I've lost contact with my men too, sir.
339
00:25:03,205 --> 00:25:05,765
- Oh, brew, sir?
- Treating them right? No!
340
00:25:05,885 --> 00:25:08,877
- They think the worid of me.
- They should be up here then.
341
00:25:09,005 --> 00:25:12,554
- No brew.
- Bum on. On to Tripoli.
342
00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:14,641
Uh...
343
00:25:14,765 --> 00:25:16,801
- Come on.
- I was wondering, sir, a lift.
344
00:25:17,725 --> 00:25:19,681
Sir... I...
345
00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:26,521
Bum on. Bum on.
346
00:25:47,685 --> 00:25:51,917
- Oh, it's gonna hurt, Flo.
- Damn, damn!
347
00:25:53,685 --> 00:25:57,644
Get me another vehicle.
Come on, come on, come on.
348
00:25:57,765 --> 00:26:02,077
- Ah!
- I'll take one of yours. Come on, come on!
349
00:26:03,885 --> 00:26:06,843
- Come on, come on!
- Where've you been?
350
00:26:06,965 --> 00:26:10,401
Get out. Come on, come on.
351
00:26:10,525 --> 00:26:12,481
Get out.
352
00:26:13,285 --> 00:26:16,800
Looking after their feet, are you, boy?
See they get plenty of tea.
353
00:26:16,925 --> 00:26:21,680
Curious thing, that, give the British soldier
plenty of tea, and he'll die for you.
354
00:26:22,765 --> 00:26:25,996
Of course, I'm a poet.
I expect things. I love the desert.
355
00:26:26,125 --> 00:26:30,403
You took me for an ignorant old fire-eater.
No. I'm sleeping with the desert.
356
00:26:31,365 --> 00:26:35,677
Not unusual. Pat a white rump in the
desert and you'll startle an Englishman.
357
00:26:35,805 --> 00:26:37,523
The Englishman loves the desert.
358
00:26:37,645 --> 00:26:40,523
- You?
- I'm trying, sir.
359
00:26:40,645 --> 00:26:45,560
Er, I play the piano. Not boasting.
Just a fact, that's all. Working class.
360
00:26:45,685 --> 00:26:50,201
I think you should. Look after their feet,
boy. They can't be trusted with their feet.
361
00:26:50,325 --> 00:26:53,715
Feet and brew-ups and you'll find
you can do anything with him.
362
00:26:53,845 --> 00:26:57,804
Keep a tight rein on his habits.
Those of a pig, mostly.
363
00:26:57,925 --> 00:27:02,680
But even a pig has his moment. Carries
the blue ribbon. Don't despise your men.
364
00:27:02,805 --> 00:27:05,683
They've given me a good life
so don't despise them. Here.
365
00:27:05,805 --> 00:27:08,239
Share these out amongst them.
366
00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:15,157
- Remember me, Grapple of the Bedoo.
- I won't bloody remember you.
367
00:27:16,605 --> 00:27:20,234
- He used to be a fascist, sir.
- It takes all sorts.
368
00:27:20,365 --> 00:27:24,324
Fascism is something you grow out of.
I tried to change the worid myself.
369
00:27:24,445 --> 00:27:28,597
Doesn't do. I wouldn't think anything
of you if you hadn't been a fascist.
370
00:27:28,725 --> 00:27:31,478
Keep them at it
so they don't have time for dirty things.
371
00:27:31,605 --> 00:27:34,597
Come on, young fella,
you've only got three more days.
372
00:27:34,725 --> 00:27:36,681
No time for poetry.
373
00:27:43,685 --> 00:27:48,395
- There goes a very gallant gentleman.
- Oh, I know, sir, like you, sir.
374
00:27:48,525 --> 00:27:51,995
Thank you, sir,
for not holding fascism against me.
375
00:27:52,125 --> 00:27:57,119
I was a great mate of Mosley's. I held his
voice for him while he lost his meetings.
376
00:27:58,765 --> 00:28:02,121
Hey, hey, I'd just like to say a few words.
377
00:28:05,445 --> 00:28:10,997
Move, now.
I want to say how pleased I am...
378
00:28:14,045 --> 00:28:16,001
How pleased I was
379
00:28:16,125 --> 00:28:22,564
when I heard that I was going to lead you
on this dangerous and important task.
380
00:28:25,365 --> 00:28:30,200
I've always thought that when the time
came, we'd all get on splendidly together.
381
00:28:30,325 --> 00:28:32,555
Bravery, things like that.
382
00:28:35,165 --> 00:28:40,444
When I was told I was to be your troop
leader, I had a little weep and a laugh.
383
00:28:40,565 --> 00:28:44,080
I do know we're all going
to get on splendidly together.
384
00:28:44,205 --> 00:28:48,198
- You play ball with me...
- And I'll play ball with you.
385
00:28:48,325 --> 00:28:51,442
You do your bit and I'll do mine.
386
00:28:51,565 --> 00:28:53,795
We're all members of the same team,
387
00:28:53,925 --> 00:28:59,477
each playing our part
in the fight for freedom and democracy.
388
00:28:59,605 --> 00:29:07,193
Never surrender. Work hard. Train hard.
Play hard. And kill hard.
389
00:29:07,325 --> 00:29:09,122
Don't take it too hard.
390
00:29:10,005 --> 00:29:15,318
Look after your lads. They're nogood to me if their feet aren't up to snuff.
391
00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:22,122
It hurts, Flo.
392
00:29:22,245 --> 00:29:27,035
It is impossible to tell all the touching and
heroic stories of courage and patience...
393
00:29:27,165 --> 00:29:31,363
- It hurts, Flo.
- Run them under the cold tap, love.
394
00:29:51,685 --> 00:29:54,074
It is indeed a lovely sight.
395
00:29:54,205 --> 00:29:56,958
Thank you, sir, it is my best part.
396
00:29:57,085 --> 00:30:00,202
- Corporal of Musket!
- Can I put my shirt on now, sir?
397
00:30:00,325 --> 00:30:04,876
Have you seen it?
It is indeed a lovely sight.
398
00:30:05,005 --> 00:30:06,802
Corporal of Musket, look at it.
399
00:30:06,925 --> 00:30:08,756
Will you be available for stag, sir?
400
00:30:08,885 --> 00:30:13,436
If you will be taking your turn on guard,
I'd suggest first stag and me on last,
401
00:30:13,565 --> 00:30:18,639
making sure you was fresh for command
on the off at the most likely times.
402
00:30:18,765 --> 00:30:23,885
Pro tem, you can say no, I'll have you
down for mine being off at the first light.
403
00:30:24,005 --> 00:30:26,155
Think we ought to green, green, green?
404
00:30:26,285 --> 00:30:30,642
- Not unless you want bang, bang, bang.
- In the sky? Send up the Union Jack!
405
00:30:30,765 --> 00:30:32,596
White and two reds...
406
00:30:32,725 --> 00:30:36,320
That's very like the Colonel,
which reminds me...
407
00:30:36,445 --> 00:30:40,836
If you do take a stag, sir, that's one hour
each, unless you keep the wireless open,
408
00:30:40,965 --> 00:30:43,354
making the operator
unavailable for guard.
409
00:30:43,485 --> 00:30:47,000
- That's me.
- Wireless silence, Corporal of Musket.
410
00:30:47,125 --> 00:30:49,764
What have we got a wireless for, then?
411
00:30:49,885 --> 00:30:55,517
We can't have wireless silence
without a wireless, can we, Spool?
412
00:30:55,645 --> 00:30:57,681
Do come in, Corporal of Musket.
413
00:30:59,165 --> 00:31:05,434
Of course I'll take my turn. That goes
without saying. Put me down for last stag.
414
00:31:05,565 --> 00:31:09,080
- Gripweed.
- Sir?
415
00:31:09,205 --> 00:31:11,241
Green, green, green.
416
00:31:11,365 --> 00:31:15,643
Well, our officer calls me up and he says,
"Musketeer Gripweed..."
417
00:31:15,765 --> 00:31:18,962
He was a tall chap.
Some would call him weedy. I did.
418
00:31:19,085 --> 00:31:23,363
He said to me, and bear in mind we were
a few hundred miles behind enemy lines,
419
00:31:23,485 --> 00:31:25,794
"Green, green, green" so I did.
420
00:31:29,965 --> 00:31:32,274
What...?
421
00:31:39,605 --> 00:31:42,039
Gr�n, gr�n, gr�n? Weg/
422
00:31:42,165 --> 00:31:46,602
These were given to me
by a very gallant gentleman.
423
00:31:46,725 --> 00:31:51,515
- I want to see all feet before we move.
- I think that was a mistake, sir.
424
00:31:53,885 --> 00:31:57,924
Why, Corporal Dooley?
Have they been neglecting their feet?
425
00:31:58,045 --> 00:32:01,242
- Have you?
- Get away from those vehicles.
426
00:32:40,365 --> 00:32:42,799
Dooley, hitch that roller up.
427
00:34:42,405 --> 00:34:44,714
- That's a relief.
- That's a relief.
428
00:34:44,845 --> 00:34:47,279
- Is this still North Africa?
- What?
429
00:34:47,405 --> 00:34:48,918
Brew-up, sir?
430
00:34:49,085 --> 00:34:53,124
You see why those lorries burnt so well
and exploded - nay, came apart -
431
00:34:53,245 --> 00:34:56,920
that's petrol and lubricants,
which is very difficult to get in war.
432
00:34:57,045 --> 00:35:00,879
- Not for the British army. Or doctors.
- Right.
433
00:35:02,645 --> 00:35:06,354
All we're getting on with now is casualties.
Report me casualties.
434
00:35:06,485 --> 00:35:08,362
Ammo, water, petrol remaining.
435
00:35:08,485 --> 00:35:13,001
One, have we got enough to get
to the oasis - which we will - is a point?
436
00:35:13,125 --> 00:35:15,161
Two days, Corporal of Musket.
437
00:35:15,285 --> 00:35:18,561
Two, dip for remaining fuel,
Corporal Dooley.
438
00:35:18,685 --> 00:35:20,641
What's this?
439
00:35:23,845 --> 00:35:26,678
That's a coward, sir.
We were bound to have one.
440
00:35:26,805 --> 00:35:29,399
You can tell by the sweat
and the mess on his uniform.
441
00:35:29,525 --> 00:35:33,803
- Not a pretty sight, is he, sir?
- He's taking all his clothes off.
442
00:35:35,725 --> 00:35:38,193
Now, stop this. That.
443
00:35:39,925 --> 00:35:42,439
Will you take my horse, sir?
444
00:35:42,565 --> 00:35:45,921
Take no large notice, sir.
He is working what is known as ticket.
445
00:35:46,045 --> 00:35:47,478
It keeps the lads amused.
446
00:35:47,605 --> 00:35:49,436
Pick those bits up, Gripweed.
447
00:35:49,565 --> 00:35:52,762
- Where's your tin hat, Juniper?
- Losing by neglect, sir.
448
00:35:52,885 --> 00:35:56,355
If I catch you without it again,
I'll ram it down your throat.
449
00:35:56,485 --> 00:35:58,760
Losing one mess tin.
450
00:35:58,885 --> 00:36:01,797
- Did you have your name on it?
- Scratched on.
451
00:36:01,925 --> 00:36:04,519
- Pull these men together.
- Scratched on?
452
00:36:04,645 --> 00:36:07,523
- Scored it.
- You disfigured government property?
453
00:36:07,645 --> 00:36:11,479
Six days Royal Warrant.
March him off, Musket Major. Two men.
454
00:36:13,725 --> 00:36:17,764
You ought to camouflage up, sir,
or get the scrim up if you're stopping.
455
00:36:17,885 --> 00:36:21,798
Us in our vest are exposed
to all manner of nastiness.
456
00:36:21,925 --> 00:36:25,122
I'm going to explode, but I won't.
457
00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:27,315
I think the roller, don't you?
458
00:36:27,445 --> 00:36:32,075
- Bayonet. Where's your bayonet?
- Must have left it sticking in the enemy.
459
00:36:32,205 --> 00:36:34,435
- Where's your spur?
- Left it in the horse.
460
00:36:34,565 --> 00:36:37,921
Two men.
461
00:36:41,965 --> 00:36:45,560
- There, on the end of my finger.
- Finger?
462
00:36:45,685 --> 00:36:49,598
- Musketeer Juniper, where's your finger?
- Left it up the Khyber Pass.
463
00:36:49,725 --> 00:36:54,753
Self-inflicted injury.
March him off, Musket Major. Wait for it!
464
00:36:54,885 --> 00:36:56,841
Two men.
465
00:36:58,725 --> 00:37:03,958
I'm going away. I'm going
to walk a few paces backwards.
466
00:37:05,325 --> 00:37:10,001
And I'm going to take a bearing,
out of earshot.
467
00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:13,561
I am... right now.
468
00:37:13,685 --> 00:37:19,396
Me. And when I get back,
I want that man in there out of there...
469
00:37:19,525 --> 00:37:23,803
where I command from,
with all his clothes on.
470
00:37:23,925 --> 00:37:27,156
And I want the roller
limbered up for moving.
471
00:37:27,285 --> 00:37:29,799
With all his clothes on.
472
00:37:29,925 --> 00:37:31,881
PDQ.
473
00:37:33,925 --> 00:37:36,280
- That's a relief.
- That's a relief.
474
00:37:36,405 --> 00:37:38,635
Excuse me, sir. Sorry, sir.
475
00:37:40,205 --> 00:37:42,673
That's a relief.
476
00:37:42,805 --> 00:37:44,761
Two men.
477
00:37:49,005 --> 00:37:50,961
Mount!
478
00:37:52,405 --> 00:37:55,238
- It's for your own good, lad.
- Let me out.
479
00:37:55,365 --> 00:37:57,321
Let me out.
480
00:38:00,325 --> 00:38:03,954
- Will you put this on?
- No. Bloody let me out.
481
00:38:09,925 --> 00:38:13,281
I wish I had 20 like you, Corporal Dooley.
482
00:38:17,045 --> 00:38:19,684
Do you think you ought to go sick?
483
00:38:22,685 --> 00:38:24,084
Driver, advance.
484
00:39:08,245 --> 00:39:12,557
Get your cable out, Gripweed.
Get this half-track back.
485
00:39:12,685 --> 00:39:15,040
Drogue, records
for the regimental magazine.
486
00:39:15,165 --> 00:39:17,963
Right reverse. Come on.
487
00:39:18,085 --> 00:39:21,600
Back, back, back, back. Right!
488
00:39:21,725 --> 00:39:23,681
Come on, hitch it on.
489
00:39:28,645 --> 00:39:32,194
Cable attached, Gripweed?
Right, forward.
490
00:39:40,525 --> 00:39:43,164
Sorry, the gears look all alike.
491
00:39:48,085 --> 00:39:50,041
Smile, please.
492
00:40:05,125 --> 00:40:08,083
- That's a relief.
- That's a relief.
493
00:40:11,565 --> 00:40:13,521
Dig the officer out.
494
00:40:40,725 --> 00:40:43,637
- Brew-up, sir?
- I think so, yes.
495
00:40:53,005 --> 00:40:56,156
Can you read a map, Corporal of Musket?
496
00:40:59,485 --> 00:41:02,363
This is the Via Balbia.
497
00:41:02,485 --> 00:41:05,124
Now, there is where...
498
00:41:05,245 --> 00:41:09,124
There... we get our petrol from.
499
00:41:09,245 --> 00:41:15,320
- We take it from a German petrol dump.
- Very good, sir.
500
00:41:17,845 --> 00:41:19,563
That man, stand still.
501
00:41:21,125 --> 00:41:23,002
- Clapper.
- Me?
502
00:41:23,125 --> 00:41:25,480
You're improperly dressed.
503
00:41:28,005 --> 00:41:32,283
- Best boots in for repair, sir?
- Do your button up, lad. You're idle.
504
00:41:32,405 --> 00:41:35,761
- Oh, ta.
- Entertaining the troops.
505
00:41:35,885 --> 00:41:41,164
My wife - large girl - works in a caff.
Biggest chips in the business.
506
00:41:41,765 --> 00:41:44,723
There have been
too many unwounded prisoners taken.
507
00:41:44,845 --> 00:41:48,121
Don't let it happen again.
Cut your throats next time.
508
00:41:48,245 --> 00:41:52,875
Talking of throats, my wife. I took her
to the station to see the engines shunt.
509
00:41:53,005 --> 00:41:57,203
Christmas, lovely girl, do you know
what she had in her stocking?
510
00:41:57,325 --> 00:41:59,281
Legs, all the way up.
511
00:42:01,205 --> 00:42:03,639
- He's mad.
- No, he's not, sir.
512
00:42:03,765 --> 00:42:05,756
Working his ticket. It's inevitable.
513
00:42:05,885 --> 00:42:10,754
You, when you find yourself surrounded
by the enemy with no hope of survival,
514
00:42:10,885 --> 00:42:14,480
you must organise yourself
into a defensive locality and hold out.
515
00:42:14,605 --> 00:42:15,481
I will.
516
00:42:15,605 --> 00:42:19,234
By doing so, you will add enormously
to the enemy's difficulties.
517
00:42:19,365 --> 00:42:22,721
I'd like to add to the enormous enemy...
I've never been a bother.
518
00:42:22,845 --> 00:42:26,918
You will also save yourself spending
the rest of the war years in the bag.
519
00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:33,883
I mean, the box. Prisoner-of-war camp.
Sitting there, going...
520
00:42:38,765 --> 00:42:43,441
Let us go into the ring
in this, our first round,
521
00:42:43,565 --> 00:42:48,878
with the light of battle in our eyes and
the strength of the righteous in our hearts.
522
00:42:49,005 --> 00:42:51,314
- He's not mad.
- Yes, he is, sir.
523
00:42:51,445 --> 00:42:53,640
Keep the first three rows for the officers.
524
00:42:53,765 --> 00:42:57,280
- Sir. Tea, sir? Thank you, sir, tea, sir.
- Take my wife.
525
00:42:57,405 --> 00:43:03,355
You, the commanding officer! You look
as if you're suffering from bottle fatigue.
526
00:43:05,685 --> 00:43:08,483
- The man's mad, eh?
- No, he's not, sir.
527
00:43:08,605 --> 00:43:11,802
Working his ticket.
Put him somewhere, he might cop one.
528
00:43:11,925 --> 00:43:15,440
- I want to fight.
- Good lad.
529
00:43:15,565 --> 00:43:18,841
Is that a linear belt? It's very nice.
530
00:43:19,605 --> 00:43:23,564
Yes, well. Put some clothes on
and we'll see, eh?
531
00:43:25,165 --> 00:43:29,158
Ah! This damn sand.
When will it ever end?
532
00:43:32,085 --> 00:43:37,398
You see, the thing about fighting
a desert war is that it is a clean war.
533
00:43:37,525 --> 00:43:42,599
Without brutality. Clean-limbed, without
dishonourable actions on either side.
534
00:43:42,725 --> 00:43:46,843
Number 18, concerning the weather.
535
00:43:46,965 --> 00:43:52,881
What wretched, filthy, glorious,
disappointing weather we are having.
536
00:43:53,605 --> 00:43:58,804
And there are no civilians in the desert.
Except me. I'm a civilian.
537
00:44:01,205 --> 00:44:04,038
But what am I then?
538
00:44:04,165 --> 00:44:09,159
Well, try as I may, I can't see you
queuing for a number eight bus,
539
00:44:09,285 --> 00:44:12,118
jingling your fourpence.
540
00:44:12,245 --> 00:44:14,475
That's because I'm German.
541
00:44:23,165 --> 00:44:25,520
I think you are a civilian.
542
00:44:25,645 --> 00:44:28,842
Yes, certainly I am.
Don't be put off by the clothes we wear.
543
00:44:28,965 --> 00:44:31,160
We only wear these for fighting in.
544
00:44:31,285 --> 00:44:34,755
I expect I've grown out
of my Harris tweeds by now.
545
00:44:34,885 --> 00:44:38,798
Putting it that way, I think we all are.
546
00:44:38,925 --> 00:44:44,716
Yes, I think underneath
we are all blameless.
547
00:44:44,845 --> 00:44:50,442
- Hey, Franz, you are a civilian.
- A civilian?
548
00:44:50,565 --> 00:44:54,478
"Thank Christ for that" he said,
laying down his rifle and going home,
549
00:44:54,605 --> 00:44:59,076
so helping to perpetuate the dangerous
myth that soldiers don't like war.
550
00:44:59,205 --> 00:45:01,161
Which they do.
551
00:45:05,085 --> 00:45:10,842
It's a strange thought to think that this will
be the last worid war fought by civilians.
552
00:45:10,965 --> 00:45:12,842
I find it strange.
553
00:45:12,965 --> 00:45:15,684
It'll make a nice change
to stick a bayonet into a chap
554
00:45:15,805 --> 00:45:18,558
rather than a rotten old sandbag.
555
00:45:19,885 --> 00:45:21,841
You'll be all right, lad.
556
00:45:23,325 --> 00:45:28,194
I'm not going. Let him nick his own petrol.
I've got a young wife.
557
00:45:30,965 --> 00:45:35,356
Now, see, lads, there's more to it, eh?
558
00:45:35,485 --> 00:45:39,763
There's lots of satisfaction
to be had out of the anticipation.
559
00:45:39,885 --> 00:45:45,084
There's lots of fun and letting off steam.
It's not all death.
560
00:45:45,205 --> 00:45:48,163
There's lots of fun to be had
out of other things as well.
561
00:45:48,285 --> 00:45:51,038
Now, come on, let's take a look at you.
562
00:45:51,165 --> 00:45:53,599
Hang on a minute.
563
00:45:53,725 --> 00:45:56,319
Can't let you down
with dirty nails, can we?
564
00:45:56,445 --> 00:45:58,913
Right. Crews front. Get fell in.
565
00:46:03,845 --> 00:46:07,758
- Don't say or tell them anything.
- My wife is young.
566
00:46:07,885 --> 00:46:10,240
If you say anything, whisper,
so they won't know.
567
00:46:10,365 --> 00:46:14,563
- Happy, shed a tear, entertained.
- I haven't got a wife yet. I've never done it.
568
00:46:14,685 --> 00:46:20,362
I'll stick my bayonet up the jacksy of
the first who talks loud of love and wives
569
00:46:20,485 --> 00:46:22,362
and children - I've got children.
570
00:46:22,485 --> 00:46:26,080
I play the piano.
I'm not fighting this war for them.
571
00:46:26,205 --> 00:46:30,357
Now, then, first one to look wonky
will get my boot up his dirtbox.
572
00:46:30,485 --> 00:46:33,682
I die now in North Africa.
I've been crying, telling you.
573
00:46:33,805 --> 00:46:37,195
Don't ask, don't threaten,
don't plead, keep it shut.
574
00:46:37,325 --> 00:46:42,160
- I'm not a thief.
- Now, then, you're all clean for gangrene.
575
00:46:42,285 --> 00:46:46,164
Don't loose me down. If we should be
stonked, get away from the vehicles.
576
00:46:46,285 --> 00:46:49,038
I want to see you back here,
clean, bright and spent.
577
00:46:49,165 --> 00:46:53,238
Keep it wrapped, don't do anything I
wouldn't. There's transport if you want it.
578
00:46:53,365 --> 00:46:55,959
If you're picked up,
tell them you're a Guardsman.
579
00:46:56,085 --> 00:46:58,645
Hands out of your pockets.
Top hats will not be worn.
580
00:46:58,765 --> 00:47:04,874
No fish and chips in uniform.
Parade... Parade, turn.
581
00:47:08,645 --> 00:47:14,675
- Parade ready for your inspection, sir.
- Thank you, Corporal of Musket.
582
00:47:16,645 --> 00:47:20,843
- Musketeer Drogue, isn't it?
- I'd like you to have my blessing.
583
00:47:20,965 --> 00:47:24,799
Don't worry too much. Very good turnout.
584
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:27,997
There's been marvellous advances
in surgery, thanks to war.
585
00:47:28,125 --> 00:47:31,754
Well done, Musketeer Drogue. Black up.
586
00:47:31,885 --> 00:47:33,603
You can't make me fight.
587
00:47:33,725 --> 00:47:38,480
No, but we can put you where your
decision might prove fatal. Pieces of jam.
588
00:47:38,605 --> 00:47:40,482
Right, mount.
589
00:47:42,165 --> 00:47:46,920
I don't know your name
but I'd like you to have my camera.
590
00:47:47,885 --> 00:47:53,403
Orders, information enemy, nil.
Information own troops. We are...
591
00:47:53,525 --> 00:47:59,236
Third Troop of the Fourth Musketsacting in an independent role as infantry,
592
00:47:59,365 --> 00:48:03,916
lorried behind the enemy lineswith sports equipment.
593
00:48:25,085 --> 00:48:26,677
Intention.
594
00:48:26,805 --> 00:48:30,320
We shall, under cover of darkness,
595
00:48:30,445 --> 00:48:36,236
occupy a positionoverlooking the enemy encampment.
596
00:48:36,365 --> 00:48:43,919
We will then attackand destroy the enemy for his petrol.
597
00:48:44,925 --> 00:48:49,203
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with G.
598
00:48:54,085 --> 00:48:58,237
Method. Corporal Dooley, with one LMG,
will move forward to high ground
599
00:48:58,365 --> 00:49:00,481
at 1.00 o'clock from my present position.
600
00:49:00,605 --> 00:49:03,199
The rest of the troop,under my command,
601
00:49:03,325 --> 00:49:09,560
will crawl to a point - figures -100 yards in front of the objective
602
00:49:09,685 --> 00:49:13,917
where they will wait for the LMGto get into position.
603
00:49:14,045 --> 00:49:20,154
The signal for the LMG to open fireshall be green, green, green.
604
00:49:20,285 --> 00:49:24,961
The LMG shall cease firingwhen the main attack is mounted
605
00:49:25,085 --> 00:49:30,318
and is within - figures -50 yards of the objective.
606
00:49:30,445 --> 00:49:35,473
We will consolidate on the objective.We shall not take prisoners.
607
00:49:35,605 --> 00:49:38,802
If we pull together,
with true British pluck and team spirit,
608
00:49:38,925 --> 00:49:43,043
we shall, with the help
of the Almighty God of battles,
609
00:49:43,165 --> 00:49:45,918
win his just victory
over the forces of evil.
610
00:49:46,045 --> 00:49:49,594
Good luck. I'm a little duck
so let's get quacking into battle.
611
00:49:49,725 --> 00:49:51,317
- Come on.
- Eh?
612
00:49:51,445 --> 00:49:54,437
Who's the Almighty God of battles?
Jesus, is it?
613
00:49:54,565 --> 00:49:57,398
That's right. It will be. Jesus.
614
00:49:57,525 --> 00:50:00,676
Clapper, I'd like you to have my watch.
615
00:51:24,565 --> 00:51:27,762
Command, forward!
616
00:51:33,205 --> 00:51:36,277
Come on! Come on!
617
00:51:45,285 --> 00:51:46,638
Forward!
618
00:51:46,765 --> 00:51:48,437
Follow me!
619
00:52:59,725 --> 00:53:02,956
Where are you going, lad?
Why don't you make the best of it?
620
00:53:03,085 --> 00:53:06,202
It can be fun. Some have
the best of their life in the army.
621
00:53:49,205 --> 00:53:52,515
A rout! A disgraceful rout.
622
00:53:52,645 --> 00:53:56,763
Get fell in. Let's see your bayonets.
Have them out, have them out.
623
00:53:56,885 --> 00:53:59,843
Why are you laughing, Drogue?
Wipe that smile off your face.
624
00:53:59,965 --> 00:54:02,115
Let's see 'em, at the end of your hype -
625
00:54:02,245 --> 00:54:04,884
not waving about
like a hampton searching for a hand.
626
00:54:05,005 --> 00:54:08,600
What do we wear in our caps?
Does it need cleaning, Juniper?
627
00:54:08,725 --> 00:54:11,193
- Yes, it does.
- Look at them all, shining bright.
628
00:54:11,325 --> 00:54:15,762
Fancy me fighting filthy like that.
An old chubby duster like me.
629
00:54:15,885 --> 00:54:20,436
Might have got gangrene from that.
I'll have it out with my servant.
630
00:54:20,565 --> 00:54:24,763
Filthy! Get a tube, siphon petrol from
the gin palace and fill up the half-track.
631
00:54:24,885 --> 00:54:28,161
- That's you out of mischief.
- Look at them all, shining bright.
632
00:54:28,285 --> 00:54:31,914
- I want them stinking.
- Corporal of Musket.
633
00:54:34,965 --> 00:54:36,921
Condensed milk.
634
00:54:38,325 --> 00:54:40,714
About all you're good for,
sticking it in tins.
635
00:54:40,845 --> 00:54:46,044
Your badge represents the regiment
and the regiment represents all of us.
636
00:54:46,165 --> 00:54:48,963
You, me, all of us here today.
637
00:54:49,085 --> 00:54:52,202
- A dirty badge is a disgrace.
- They shouldn't be clean.
638
00:54:52,325 --> 00:54:55,044
Shining bright? Two days,
for having a dirty bayonet.
639
00:54:55,165 --> 00:54:59,443
- They shouldn't be clean.
- They should be sticky with blood.
640
00:54:59,565 --> 00:55:01,317
What did you return with?
641
00:55:01,445 --> 00:55:03,640
- I got some pretty things.
- No, no.
642
00:55:03,765 --> 00:55:06,677
I want to see you coming back
on the high port, grinning.
643
00:55:06,805 --> 00:55:09,717
With blood running down arms,
dripping from elbows.
644
00:55:09,845 --> 00:55:12,643
I don't care whose blood it is.
Stick it in your mate.
645
00:55:12,765 --> 00:55:16,280
Let's have it used. I hate waste.
646
00:55:16,405 --> 00:55:19,397
See. See mine.
647
00:55:22,005 --> 00:55:25,964
It represents your father,
mine, his before that.
648
00:55:26,085 --> 00:55:28,997
It represents battles
fought and won years ago.
649
00:55:29,125 --> 00:55:31,719
Battles fought so that we could live
as we wanted to,
650
00:55:31,845 --> 00:55:34,359
long before the Americans
were even thought of.
651
00:55:34,485 --> 00:55:39,161
They didn't invent living, you know.
It represents tradition, Musketeer.
652
00:55:39,285 --> 00:55:42,436
And I for one won't stand
for a dirty tradition.
653
00:55:42,565 --> 00:55:44,237
Get the nonsense out of them.
654
00:55:44,365 --> 00:55:47,675
I tried to get you interested.
You'll have to learn the hard way.
655
00:55:47,805 --> 00:55:49,955
Squad, 'shun!
656
00:55:50,085 --> 00:55:52,041
High port.
657
00:55:52,165 --> 00:55:54,360
At the throat, point in!
658
00:55:54,485 --> 00:55:57,079
Out! En garde. Shout it, Clapper.
659
00:55:57,205 --> 00:56:01,164
- In, out, en garde!
- Let's hear from you.
660
00:56:01,285 --> 00:56:03,753
Can I see you
for a moment, personal, sir?
661
00:56:03,885 --> 00:56:06,797
- What?
- It's the butcher this time, sir.
662
00:56:06,925 --> 00:56:09,883
With his steak and his mutton.
She'll do anything for extra.
663
00:56:10,005 --> 00:56:13,202
Left nipple, right groin/
664
00:56:13,325 --> 00:56:15,600
Left nipple, right groin/
665
00:56:15,725 --> 00:56:19,923
Is it now the butcher which is carrying out
intimacy at your home address?
666
00:56:20,045 --> 00:56:23,117
- In, out, en garde.
- Is it right, sir?
667
00:56:23,245 --> 00:56:25,839
- Is it right a butcher should...
- Whip it out!
668
00:56:25,965 --> 00:56:29,162
- Whip it in!
...while her husband is away fighting?
669
00:56:29,285 --> 00:56:32,880
- And wipe it.
- At the throat, jab. Shout it, Clapper.
670
00:56:33,005 --> 00:56:35,599
At the throat, jab!
671
00:56:35,725 --> 00:56:39,320
At the throat, jab! At the throat, jab!
672
00:56:39,445 --> 00:56:42,642
- Kill him. Kill the bleeder.
- At the throat, Gripweed!
673
00:56:42,765 --> 00:56:46,553
How's this for openers?
674
00:56:49,685 --> 00:56:51,676
Now, watch closely.
675
00:56:51,805 --> 00:56:56,833
I am about to demonstrate the correct use
of the identification triangle.
676
00:56:58,725 --> 00:57:03,003
Oblique, middle and near east.
Oblique, yellow.
677
00:57:05,645 --> 00:57:08,239
Each platoon, troop or tactical unit
678
00:57:08,365 --> 00:57:12,199
will detail one man
to carry the triangle at all times.
679
00:57:12,325 --> 00:57:17,604
Now watch closely, Clapper, because
in future you will be the triangle man.
680
00:57:18,565 --> 00:57:23,685
But any one of you might be called upon
to be conversant with the triangle.
681
00:57:23,805 --> 00:57:26,319
So watch closely.
You won't get another chance.
682
00:57:26,445 --> 00:57:30,563
It is tied under the chin, like so.
683
00:57:30,685 --> 00:57:33,324
On the approach of a friendly aircraft,
684
00:57:33,445 --> 00:57:39,714
the bearer stands in a prominent position
and displays the triangle thus.
685
00:57:42,685 --> 00:57:45,324
Where's the roller gone?
686
00:57:46,605 --> 00:57:48,914
Gripweed, have you stolen the roller?
687
00:57:55,605 --> 00:57:57,755
Where's that roller gone?
688
00:57:58,205 --> 00:58:00,560
This is the last straw.
689
00:58:02,165 --> 00:58:06,875
That is it. No one move from this spot.
690
00:58:07,005 --> 00:58:12,033
There'll be no more leave, late-night
passes until that roller is returned.
691
00:58:12,165 --> 00:58:15,760
I get you all clean, fit,
ready for fighting and what do you do?
692
00:58:15,885 --> 00:58:20,640
There'll be no more privileges.
I'll stop this petty thieving.
693
00:58:21,525 --> 00:58:25,313
And, Gripweed, what's more,
who's had my Brylcreem?
694
00:58:25,445 --> 00:58:28,164
- You?
- Never touch the stuff, I'm excused hair.
695
00:58:31,125 --> 00:58:36,995
There! Italian recreation eyeties!
You can't put a bloody thing down.
696
00:58:37,125 --> 00:58:40,322
There is a code, you know. Scavengers.
697
00:58:50,845 --> 00:58:54,679
Sticks in my craw. I can take most things
but stealing I draw the line at.
698
00:58:55,525 --> 00:58:58,642
Here we are, fighting
the most desperate war in history,
699
00:58:58,765 --> 00:59:01,279
and a few wop adventurers
act the giddy goat.
700
00:59:01,405 --> 00:59:04,841
I've seen your sort fumigated.
If a wop can be fumigated.
701
00:59:04,965 --> 00:59:07,479
To think they once handed out
ice cream wafers.
702
00:59:07,605 --> 00:59:11,120
To think you once handed out
cornets on a Sunday afternoon.
703
00:59:11,245 --> 00:59:16,717
Is there no damn decency left in you?
No respect for the property of others?
704
00:59:16,845 --> 00:59:20,554
Play your ridiculous game but don't
expect us to take any notice of you.
705
00:59:20,685 --> 00:59:23,597
Grown men in shorts! I'm pretty incensed.
706
00:59:23,725 --> 00:59:26,193
It's one of the most shocking things
in the war.
707
00:59:26,325 --> 00:59:30,000
It's a shame the Italian nation
has to be brought into disrepute
708
00:59:30,125 --> 00:59:34,596
by the lunatic actions
of a pitiful few fascist pimps.
709
00:59:34,725 --> 00:59:37,159
And let that be a lesson to you!
710
01:00:11,725 --> 01:00:15,195
Well done! Oh, very well done!
711
01:00:15,325 --> 01:00:17,839
Italia/
712
01:00:17,965 --> 01:00:22,356
The tide is turning.
Our very first real victory.
713
01:00:22,485 --> 01:00:26,524
The beginning of the end for the Boche.
I think the tide is turning. I do!
714
01:00:26,645 --> 01:00:28,875
You got him, Tranners! I do!
715
01:00:30,725 --> 01:00:34,684
- Wasn't he one of ours?
- Here's one of mine.
716
01:00:34,805 --> 01:00:38,115
- Go on, get him.
- Let that be a lesson to you.
717
01:00:38,245 --> 01:00:41,681
- Shoot your own officers.
- You can't leave a thing lying around.
718
01:00:41,805 --> 01:00:46,640
There's nobody to be trusted in total war.
Well done, though.
719
01:00:46,765 --> 01:00:53,113
Our first real victory. The writing
on the wall. We're coming back, Adolf.
720
01:00:53,245 --> 01:00:55,042
The tide has turned.
721
01:00:55,165 --> 01:00:58,362
Come on, Gripweed. The army didn't
bring you to admire the view.
722
01:00:58,485 --> 01:01:01,124
There's a job to be done
and precious little time.
723
01:01:01,245 --> 01:01:05,158
You two check for damage.
Juniper, put that petrol in the half-track.
724
01:01:05,285 --> 01:01:08,800
Empty your water bottles into the roller.
We need the weight.
725
01:01:08,925 --> 01:01:10,995
Come on, Clapper, stop daydreaming.
726
01:01:11,125 --> 01:01:15,243
Tell the wife to drop the butcher and
become a vegetarian. That's my advice.
727
01:01:15,365 --> 01:01:19,040
Thank you, sir. Thank you,
you've saved my life again, sir.
728
01:01:19,165 --> 01:01:22,475
Then he won't be round
tempting her with his buckshee mutton.
729
01:01:22,605 --> 01:01:26,883
Bloody waste of time. Soft git.
730
01:01:28,605 --> 01:01:33,759
I know it's a long way.
I know it's not glamorous as a job.
731
01:01:33,885 --> 01:01:38,481
I know there are others doing jobs
in this war that are more glamorous.
732
01:01:38,605 --> 01:01:41,563
But I had this promise.
733
01:01:41,685 --> 01:01:46,679
Some soldiers are going to come out of
the din of battle and are going to thank us.
734
01:01:47,525 --> 01:01:52,599
If we can get our very small cricket pitch
by first light tomorrow morning.
735
01:01:52,725 --> 01:01:55,000
Another 20 miles, that's all.
736
01:01:55,125 --> 01:01:57,320
If we can,
737
01:01:57,445 --> 01:02:00,323
they're going to look
at our small patch of sanity
738
01:02:00,445 --> 01:02:03,437
and they're going to say it was worth it.
739
01:02:03,565 --> 01:02:08,593
They are, and then we...
I have this promise.
740
01:02:08,725 --> 01:02:11,717
We can go and do stirring things.
741
01:02:11,845 --> 01:02:13,801
Bloody waste of...
742
01:02:23,685 --> 01:02:26,245
I'll stop this petty thieving.
743
01:02:42,085 --> 01:02:44,041
Petty thieving!
744
01:02:44,845 --> 01:02:48,997
Do you get much thievery,
cowardice, things like that?
745
01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:51,081
No, no.
746
01:02:51,925 --> 01:02:55,634
Being in improper possession
of a comrade's property.
747
01:02:55,765 --> 01:02:58,882
- Can't put a thing down.
- No.
748
01:02:59,005 --> 01:03:02,759
On the whole, no thievery, no fibbing,
no arguing with a superior officer,
749
01:03:02,885 --> 01:03:05,558
no treachery, no cowardice,
not much rape.
750
01:03:05,685 --> 01:03:10,361
I don't countenance rape.
No letting down of the boys.
751
01:03:10,485 --> 01:03:13,397
They'll have to put all that back.
752
01:03:13,525 --> 01:03:15,993
Most of us are artists.
753
01:03:18,325 --> 01:03:20,281
Ah! He's very good.
754
01:03:23,605 --> 01:03:28,121
Ah, look, they're going
to blow up your geraniums.
755
01:03:28,245 --> 01:03:29,473
Oh, dear.
756
01:04:17,565 --> 01:04:19,760
That's a relief.
757
01:04:19,885 --> 01:04:23,639
What's so damned important
about a damned cricket pitch?
758
01:04:23,765 --> 01:04:27,394
I said, more to show
that though I was an officer,
759
01:04:27,525 --> 01:04:31,234
I could understand the feelings
of ordinary chaps like them.
760
01:04:31,365 --> 01:04:35,597
- But it isn't just a cricket pitch, is it?
- It is.
761
01:04:35,725 --> 01:04:42,483
I'll tell you for why. Because it's
a silly bloody silly cricket pitch is why.
762
01:04:42,605 --> 01:04:46,154
On. We'll find the bloody oasis ourselves.
763
01:04:57,605 --> 01:05:00,802
I'm going to bein the second battle of Alamein.
764
01:05:00,925 --> 01:05:03,837
I'm going to bein the second battle of Alamein.
765
01:05:03,965 --> 01:05:06,240
I'm excused Alamein... for my feet.
766
01:05:06,365 --> 01:05:09,914
I suppose some form of National
Socialism is inevitable after the war.
767
01:05:13,365 --> 01:05:16,437
- I'm going to be in the second battle...
- That's the ticket.
768
01:05:16,565 --> 01:05:21,434
- It is good news, isn't it?
- Congratulations.
769
01:05:22,085 --> 01:05:25,964
I don't half envy you.
What you'll be able to tell your children.
770
01:05:26,845 --> 01:05:33,284
Come on, kids, Dad is going to tell us
about the second battle of Alamein again.
771
01:05:39,405 --> 01:05:44,354
This is today, and I'm still alive today.
My name is Henry Bridgehouse.
772
01:05:44,485 --> 01:05:49,161
I'm still thinking of you all,
and so are you, I fondly hopes, alive,
773
01:05:49,285 --> 01:05:53,244
and all the kiddies still at home,
to whom I send my very best.
774
01:05:53,365 --> 01:05:54,798
Is that all right?
775
01:05:57,445 --> 01:06:00,915
Any chance of another battle?
It's high time.
776
01:06:01,045 --> 01:06:04,117
You're a great man, a very great man,
but you are impatient.
777
01:06:04,245 --> 01:06:07,555
- I want a battle.
- That is the way to lose battles.
778
01:06:07,685 --> 01:06:12,076
- I want a battle.
- I'll tell you the sort of man I am.
779
01:06:12,205 --> 01:06:17,199
I am patient. At the second battle
of Alamein, I shall be patient.
780
01:06:17,325 --> 01:06:20,442
I shall start the battle... here.
781
01:06:21,405 --> 01:06:24,795
And then I shall go to bed... there.
782
01:06:24,925 --> 01:06:28,554
That is the sort of man I am.
Never fight battles when you're awake.
783
01:06:28,685 --> 01:06:31,245
That is the way to lose battles.
784
01:06:33,845 --> 01:06:36,040
Mines! Don't move.
785
01:06:48,365 --> 01:06:51,994
We've done it, lads! We've made it.
786
01:06:52,125 --> 01:06:54,480
Oh, well, done, Third Troop.
787
01:06:59,005 --> 01:07:01,200
They're very beautiful.
788
01:07:01,325 --> 01:07:04,795
What can be done with them
in this worid after the war is over?
789
01:07:05,845 --> 01:07:09,554
We're fighting against men
inflicted with a terrible virus.
790
01:07:12,245 --> 01:07:17,842
Do push-ups. Clapper, on your belly.
And it is a belly. I want you fit.
791
01:07:18,965 --> 01:07:23,243
I want 500 guns,
300 tanks, 200 aeroplanes.
792
01:07:23,365 --> 01:07:26,402
I'll tell you my plan.
I hatched it in the lavatory.
793
01:07:26,525 --> 01:07:28,880
My plans are
always hatched in lavatories.
794
01:07:29,005 --> 01:07:31,917
Pull the bleeding chain, then.
795
01:07:39,125 --> 01:07:41,878
- There's none in it.
- Spool, no. Have some pride, lad.
796
01:07:42,005 --> 01:07:44,599
- I let it out.
- Who took the water?
797
01:07:44,725 --> 01:07:47,637
Spool, I'm talking to you, lad.
I can shoot you.
798
01:07:47,765 --> 01:07:50,438
A hole in your head.
You'll die with your silly name.
799
01:07:50,565 --> 01:07:55,081
- I let it out so it would be lighter.
- Shoot me, in my big toe.
800
01:07:55,205 --> 01:07:58,834
I can, you know, shoot you, and him.
801
01:07:58,965 --> 01:08:02,321
And you can, him.
Put a round up him. All it needs.
802
01:08:02,445 --> 01:08:05,357
Come on, come on. Running on the spot.
803
01:08:05,485 --> 01:08:09,444
Begin! One, two, one, two...
804
01:08:09,565 --> 01:08:12,238
- Go on, Gripweed.
- I can't, Tranny.
805
01:08:12,365 --> 01:08:15,516
Yes, you can. It's easy.
806
01:08:15,645 --> 01:08:22,517
It gets easier. That's the thing about it.
The thing I hate more than anything else.
807
01:08:23,325 --> 01:08:26,158
I'm not going to be able
to go home, you know.
808
01:08:26,285 --> 01:08:31,882
A lad I know saved a grenade at Dunkirk.
Didn't drop it in the sandbag.
809
01:08:32,005 --> 01:08:35,839
Saved it, took it home
and put in on his stomach,
810
01:08:35,965 --> 01:08:38,798
holding it between belly and thigh,
and went to bed.
811
01:08:38,925 --> 01:08:41,075
Pin out, relaxed and died.
812
01:08:42,325 --> 01:08:44,281
It gets very easy.
813
01:08:46,045 --> 01:08:51,073
I can look at a man, dead, step over him
ten times a day, going to the cookhouse.
814
01:08:51,205 --> 01:08:55,278
Not curious enough
to turn him over and see his face.
815
01:08:55,405 --> 01:08:58,556
Front lying... down!
816
01:08:59,845 --> 01:09:01,801
I do blame them for that.
817
01:09:03,165 --> 01:09:05,121
This way, sir.
818
01:09:06,365 --> 01:09:08,321
I do blame them for that.
819
01:09:10,165 --> 01:09:15,239
I used to be put off my supper should
I see a cat dead in the middle of the road.
820
01:09:15,365 --> 01:09:21,395
Or a bird, leave alone a man, though
we didn't get much of that down our way.
821
01:09:22,205 --> 01:09:24,799
- So you can.
- I won't, though.
822
01:09:25,685 --> 01:09:31,635
- That's different, won't.
- This beats National Socialism, Gripweed!
823
01:09:31,765 --> 01:09:33,357
I am glad I won't.
824
01:09:33,485 --> 01:09:36,602
Don't move, sir, we're all in a minefield.
825
01:09:40,885 --> 01:09:44,878
It's a very simple plan.
All my plans are simple plans.
826
01:09:45,005 --> 01:09:48,281
Look at Dieppe. That was simple.
827
01:09:48,405 --> 01:09:51,442
Wait until Arnhem.
That's going to be simple.
828
01:09:51,565 --> 01:09:54,318
Gather your ammunition.
Leave your packs by the roller.
829
01:09:54,445 --> 01:09:57,721
- And have them whipped?
- No, Gripweed is coming with us.
830
01:09:57,845 --> 01:10:00,962
I'm simple. Gather round me.
Can you hear me at the back?
831
01:10:01,085 --> 01:10:02,837
- Hi-de-hi!
- Ho-de-ho!
832
01:10:02,965 --> 01:10:05,320
Has he sent you any water, has he?
833
01:10:05,445 --> 01:10:09,484
That man. Corporal of Musket,
stop that man making an ass of himself.
834
01:10:09,605 --> 01:10:13,564
Get all 500 guns and fire them in the same
place to blow the daylights out of them.
835
01:10:13,685 --> 01:10:16,597
- Hold still, Spool.
- Fill your bottles from the roller.
836
01:10:16,725 --> 01:10:20,354
- Give him a drink, Corporal of Musket.
- There's none in there.
837
01:10:20,485 --> 01:10:24,364
- My God, the roller. Get it in the shade.
- I thought it would be lighter.
838
01:10:24,485 --> 01:10:29,684
Come on, lad. We'll get some water when
we capture the oasis. Lashings of water.
839
01:10:29,805 --> 01:10:33,320
We'll send you chaps in
with 200 tanks going like bats out of hell.
840
01:10:33,445 --> 01:10:36,915
You've seen enough now. Off you go,
there's good chaps. Hold his head.
841
01:10:37,045 --> 01:10:41,914
Just who could play a trick like that?
At the best, it's rank inefficiency.
842
01:10:42,045 --> 01:10:44,843
- Me!
- Who took my man's water? I want water.
843
01:10:44,965 --> 01:10:47,320
- How can my men fight without water?
- Me!
844
01:10:47,445 --> 01:10:50,357
I did, I let the bloody water out
to make it lighter.
845
01:10:50,485 --> 01:10:53,079
Give the lad some room, will you?
846
01:10:53,205 --> 01:10:56,242
Would you take that camera away?
There's a good fella.
847
01:10:56,365 --> 01:10:59,198
Haven't you had enough?
Find a battle and film it.
848
01:10:59,325 --> 01:11:02,123
- A good battle.
- Clear these cameramen away.
849
01:11:02,245 --> 01:11:06,523
Haven't you insulted us enough? Your
army is the best in the worid. Get away.
850
01:11:06,645 --> 01:11:08,875
It's all right. Don't let him bite this time.
851
01:11:09,005 --> 01:11:12,964
- It's all over. Make a ring round him.
- No, let the bastards see.
852
01:11:13,085 --> 01:11:15,838
No. The next of kin, think of them.
853
01:11:17,685 --> 01:11:21,598
That happened to a son of mine.
He was left all through the war.
854
01:11:21,725 --> 01:11:24,478
- They do, don't they?
- With his eardrum.
855
01:11:24,605 --> 01:11:28,518
- It's the noise, I expect.
- Still, he's not dead like some.
856
01:11:28,645 --> 01:11:33,719
- Well, you can forgive.
- Missing. Not dead. They didn't get him.
857
01:11:33,845 --> 01:11:36,564
He'll turn up. Missing, he is.
858
01:11:39,645 --> 01:11:42,682
Colonel! Colonel, any water?
859
01:11:46,805 --> 01:11:49,160
Bum on, bum on, on to Tunis.
860
01:11:49,285 --> 01:11:52,277
See to the roller... and Spool first.
861
01:11:52,405 --> 01:11:57,559
Huzzah! It'll be all right now.
Huzzah! Good old Colonel Grapple.
862
01:11:57,685 --> 01:12:01,473
He's a character that will see us through.
That's the thing about war.
863
01:12:01,605 --> 01:12:05,644
It's a picnic if left to the right officers.
Men who understand our ways.
864
01:12:05,765 --> 01:12:09,280
Treat us like human beings.
What we want is more humane killers.
865
01:12:09,405 --> 01:12:13,478
Good old Colonel Grapple! See you on
personal when you have a moment, sir?
866
01:12:16,605 --> 01:12:18,163
Achtung/
867
01:12:18,285 --> 01:12:21,641
My God! No time for that now.
They must know we're here.
868
01:12:21,765 --> 01:12:23,915
- Rounds per man?
- Three and a half, sir.
869
01:12:24,045 --> 01:12:26,001
When you use that, fix bayonets and die.
870
01:12:26,125 --> 01:12:28,798
Charge is the joke.
Fix bayonets and charge.
871
01:12:28,925 --> 01:12:32,201
- We're all gonna die under funny names.
- Charge.
872
01:12:32,325 --> 01:12:35,123
Good luck to you all. Tally-ho!
873
01:12:35,245 --> 01:12:37,759
Boot the Hun right through to Tunis!
874
01:12:37,885 --> 01:12:39,841
Fire!
875
01:13:03,485 --> 01:13:07,797
Now, bear in mind,
we had him on the run, Jerry.
876
01:13:07,925 --> 01:13:10,041
We'd stood to all night, of course.
877
01:13:10,165 --> 01:13:13,601
As we stood up, the bullets
flew around us. Like rain it was.
878
01:13:13,725 --> 01:13:17,115
I well remember - and bear in mind,
I was platoon sergeant -
879
01:13:17,245 --> 01:13:19,918
it therefore was behove of me
to keep morale up -
880
01:13:20,045 --> 01:13:22,764
so I said, more as a laugh,
881
01:13:22,885 --> 01:13:25,399
cos it wasn't tense or below par...
882
01:13:25,525 --> 01:13:27,561
You very rarely are, at the start line.
883
01:13:27,685 --> 01:13:32,600
Take no notice of the Yanks. They haven't
lived. And they was always bombing us.
884
01:13:32,725 --> 01:13:37,082
Now there's rarely any tenseness.
It's the relaxation you notices.
885
01:13:37,205 --> 01:13:42,996
Little kips all along the start line,
barring them as is already haywire.
886
01:13:43,125 --> 01:13:46,276
So... more to raise a laugh...
887
01:13:49,565 --> 01:13:54,798
Like shoelaces, seeing as they're tight.
Not crippling you, not causing you to trip.
888
01:13:55,925 --> 01:13:57,916
There.
889
01:13:58,045 --> 01:14:04,359
Silly ha'porth! Crippled you. It's important
to raise a laugh on the battlefield.
890
01:14:04,485 --> 01:14:08,273
And very humorous the laughs can be.
Some humorous books being written.
891
01:14:08,405 --> 01:14:14,116
More for a laugh, I said "We should have
us gas capes on. It is raining bullets."
892
01:14:14,245 --> 01:14:16,884
That was when we lost Charles Black
from a raindrop.
893
01:14:17,005 --> 01:14:21,840
I said "We should have us umbrellas
and gas capes, boys. Raining bullets."
894
01:14:21,965 --> 01:14:25,241
"We'll get wet, boys,
if we're not careful, chums" I said.
895
01:14:25,365 --> 01:14:27,321
More for a laugh.
896
01:15:40,845 --> 01:15:43,757
Well, you see? Good.
897
01:15:56,885 --> 01:15:58,841
Wollen Sie trinken?
898
01:16:28,565 --> 01:16:30,521
Oh, my poor horses.
899
01:16:31,445 --> 01:16:36,235
Cavalry horses love the stir and the din,
even the danger, of battle.
900
01:16:36,365 --> 01:16:39,562
The British cavalryman
regards his horse as his friend.
901
01:16:39,685 --> 01:16:44,918
Those who have ponies,
children and horses of your own, at home,
902
01:16:45,045 --> 01:16:47,605
may like to know how well
we look after our steeds.
903
01:16:47,725 --> 01:16:53,675
Sometimes we risk being shot at to put
our wounded mounts out of their misery.
904
01:16:58,725 --> 01:17:02,604
Eight, nine... How's your leg theory,
Corporal of Musket?
905
01:17:02,725 --> 01:17:04,875
I'd like your opinion. What do you think?
906
01:17:05,005 --> 01:17:08,714
As a wicket, likely to vent spiteful
by midday, I think.
907
01:17:08,845 --> 01:17:10,722
Er... Light roller.
908
01:17:10,845 --> 01:17:15,999
Bowlers don't expect miracles.
As a pitch, it will teach you perseverance.
909
01:17:16,125 --> 01:17:18,275
21, 22...
910
01:17:18,405 --> 01:17:21,158
I want a batting crease
four feet from here, Gripweed.
911
01:17:21,285 --> 01:17:24,038
Spool, put a stump in here.
912
01:17:24,765 --> 01:17:28,644
The light should be good.
Keep the water off, I think.
913
01:17:28,765 --> 01:17:33,043
Don't want to have to contend
with a sticky wicket.
914
01:17:34,365 --> 01:17:37,198
On a dead wicket, always bat first.
915
01:17:38,805 --> 01:17:43,925
Remember, Gripweed, medals are merely
milestones on the road to final victory.
916
01:17:44,045 --> 01:17:46,684
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
917
01:18:05,005 --> 01:18:06,757
Thank you, sir.
918
01:18:45,125 --> 01:18:47,844
- Where've you been?
- In enemy hands, sir.
919
01:18:47,965 --> 01:18:50,320
You told them nothing
but name, rank and number?
920
01:18:50,445 --> 01:18:52,754
I don't know my name, rank and number.
921
01:18:52,885 --> 01:18:55,683
I remember the number of my first rifle.
Don't try that.
922
01:18:55,805 --> 01:19:00,037
I can smell them, the ones who are not
100 per cent for it. Try that one on me?
923
01:19:00,165 --> 01:19:04,761
Take those nasty Nazi clothes off
and play cricket. Teach you team spirit.
924
01:19:04,885 --> 01:19:07,763
Not a wound on him.
Show me a wound.
925
01:19:07,885 --> 01:19:10,604
You stink of surrender.
Not a decent wound on you.
926
01:19:10,725 --> 01:19:14,274
- I've been burned.
- We've all been burned.
927
01:19:16,685 --> 01:19:18,755
Pads on! Play every ball on its merit.
928
01:19:18,885 --> 01:19:23,276
- I want to fight.
- That man is malingering.
929
01:19:25,165 --> 01:19:29,920
I've a damn shrewd idea
that you are trying to work your ticket.
930
01:19:32,125 --> 01:19:34,958
I say, you can't do that.
He's a private soldier.
931
01:19:35,085 --> 01:19:37,519
He's a stinking coward.
932
01:19:39,965 --> 01:19:42,877
I've always wanted to hit a general.
933
01:19:43,005 --> 01:19:45,963
Fall in, two men, he hit the General.
934
01:19:47,405 --> 01:19:51,876
- Open the batting from the mountain end.
- What's going on here?
935
01:19:53,605 --> 01:19:58,838
That boy is only 19. Here, hold this camel.
Hit somebody your own rank, or near it.
936
01:19:58,965 --> 01:20:02,241
- Who are you?
- Grapple MC. Grapple of the Bedoo.
937
01:20:02,365 --> 01:20:05,755
And another thing, I will not play cricket...
938
01:20:05,885 --> 01:20:09,321
- Come, now, none of us like war.
- I do. I like war.
939
01:20:09,445 --> 01:20:12,039
I do not like cricket.
940
01:20:14,005 --> 01:20:18,123
- Did you have many humorous incidents?
- Yes, we did.
941
01:20:18,245 --> 01:20:22,079
- Tell me about yours.
- They're not funny, really.
942
01:20:22,205 --> 01:20:26,596
- Tell me. Are the British cruel?
- Oh, yes.
943
01:20:26,725 --> 01:20:30,957
- We know what we're doing.
- And we are.
944
01:20:31,085 --> 01:20:35,078
Do you know what we have done
to millions of people?
945
01:20:35,205 --> 01:20:40,518
- I think you've killed them.
- I don't know anything about it. Terrible.
946
01:20:40,645 --> 01:20:44,479
- Are you sorry about these people?
- No, no, I am not.
947
01:20:44,605 --> 01:20:47,642
I thought about it and... no, I'm not.
948
01:20:48,565 --> 01:20:50,715
I'm not sorry about my men.
949
01:20:50,845 --> 01:20:53,359
- Did you have a lot of men?
- Yes.
950
01:20:53,485 --> 01:20:56,045
- You did?
- Yes, hundreds.
951
01:20:57,005 --> 01:21:01,396
Me too, and all with the same faces.
They all looked the same to me.
952
01:21:01,525 --> 01:21:05,234
You look after them, see their feet
is clean, dry, powdered.
953
01:21:05,365 --> 01:21:10,280
- They will not look after their feet.
- They began to kill me with worry.
954
01:21:10,405 --> 01:21:12,555
More than that. More.
955
01:21:14,525 --> 01:21:16,481
May I?
956
01:21:18,325 --> 01:21:21,761
The thing about them
was they would not respond.
957
01:21:21,885 --> 01:21:24,877
There it was for them,
a crusade against tyranny...
958
01:21:25,005 --> 01:21:27,917
Oh, not you. Not you.
959
01:21:28,645 --> 01:21:32,718
But if they knew the King.
My mother knew him well.
960
01:21:32,845 --> 01:21:34,517
She used to send to his birthday.
961
01:21:34,645 --> 01:21:38,001
And all the children, the princesses,
they all got something,
962
01:21:38,125 --> 01:21:40,958
even though
we were not that well off.
963
01:21:41,085 --> 01:21:43,599
I wanted to do my best for him.
964
01:21:43,725 --> 01:21:47,400
He knew
why he gave me his commission.
965
01:21:47,525 --> 01:21:50,119
- You know what I mean?
- Ja.
966
01:21:51,805 --> 01:21:54,399
I wanted to know them.
967
01:21:54,525 --> 01:21:57,085
I wanted to know them very much.
968
01:21:59,445 --> 01:22:03,563
I can talk to you.
I could talk to nobody else.
969
01:22:04,685 --> 01:22:09,520
I haven't spoken to anyone else about
the King and me for the whole of this...
970
01:22:09,645 --> 01:22:12,637
And I. The King and I. You know?
971
01:22:15,845 --> 01:22:18,200
- You'd like him.
- Thank you.
972
01:22:18,325 --> 01:22:23,638
As I was saying, I haven't been
able to speak to anyone else
973
01:22:23,765 --> 01:22:26,563
through the whole of this film.
974
01:22:26,685 --> 01:22:32,521
You see, one day, after a not particularly
arduous or expensive skirmish,
975
01:22:32,645 --> 01:22:35,682
they were all gathered round me...
976
01:22:35,805 --> 01:22:37,602
I well remember...
977
01:22:37,725 --> 01:22:44,722
the way an admirable man and a great
soldier referred to expensive noises
978
01:22:44,845 --> 01:22:48,394
as he listened to a battle without emotion.
979
01:22:49,525 --> 01:22:51,595
That is the way, isn't it?
980
01:22:51,725 --> 01:22:55,434
- For our kind.
- You are a fascist!
981
01:22:56,245 --> 01:23:00,602
Am I? But I don't particularly dislike Jews.
982
01:23:00,725 --> 01:23:04,434
- I love them.
- Have you...? Are you cruel?
983
01:23:04,565 --> 01:23:09,434
- Have you killed many Jews?
- Quite a lot.
984
01:23:09,565 --> 01:23:13,001
- What do you say to that?
- Good Lord.
985
01:23:13,125 --> 01:23:16,197
But then I try to find good in everybody.
986
01:23:29,245 --> 01:23:31,440
Why choose me
as your defending officer?
987
01:23:31,565 --> 01:23:33,601
You're the only one decently turned out.
988
01:23:33,725 --> 01:23:37,559
- Halt. Face your front.
- Shut up.
989
01:23:37,685 --> 01:23:39,676
This man is not fit to plead.
990
01:23:39,805 --> 01:23:42,922
It is obvious to anyone
with a spark of humanity in them
991
01:23:43,045 --> 01:23:46,720
that he should be treated with sympathy
and understanding and sent home.
992
01:23:46,845 --> 01:23:51,680
- Shut up! You may not say anything.
- Defending officer, sir.
993
01:23:51,805 --> 01:23:55,195
He's not an officer,
for all his voice and his linear belt.
994
01:23:55,325 --> 01:23:59,477
Therefore, he may not make speeches.
He has no privileges in this court.
995
01:23:59,605 --> 01:24:02,483
Choose anyone you like
but only officers can talk to me.
996
01:24:02,605 --> 01:24:05,881
That makes it awkward.
He should have gone to grammar school.
997
01:24:06,005 --> 01:24:10,123
- Got his Cert A, passed his commission,
- I came up from the ranks. I'm a general.
998
01:24:10,245 --> 01:24:12,759
- This is a general court martial.
- For hitting me.
999
01:24:12,885 --> 01:24:14,398
- Permission to speak.
- Shut up.
1000
01:24:14,525 --> 01:24:15,924
Speak up. Be respectful.
1001
01:24:16,045 --> 01:24:19,674
What is wrong with the army
is that there is not enough humanity in it.
1002
01:24:19,805 --> 01:24:24,481
Shut up! If it wasn't for the British army,
you wouldn't be here today.
1003
01:24:24,605 --> 01:24:26,561
Humanity!
1004
01:24:27,445 --> 01:24:29,242
We're going into Germany soon.
1005
01:24:29,365 --> 01:24:32,960
When we get to the home of the Hun,
take your pips off.
1006
01:24:33,085 --> 01:24:34,643
You're a very lucky chap.
1007
01:24:34,765 --> 01:24:39,043
You're fighting in a war which may well
turn out to be a crusade. If I know the Hun.
1008
01:24:39,165 --> 01:24:44,080
A good soldier but a bit frightful. With
any luck, he's up to some revolting things.
1009
01:24:44,205 --> 01:24:46,673
In case he isn't, better take your pips off.
1010
01:24:47,725 --> 01:24:51,434
They will put a bullet through your neck
for what you've made them do.
1011
01:24:51,565 --> 01:24:54,398
I don't think Jerry will disappoint us,
so shut up!
1012
01:24:54,525 --> 01:25:00,122
I don't think I could do that. They're the
nicest things that ever happened to me.
1013
01:25:00,245 --> 01:25:03,840
I think my lads are very fond of me.
1014
01:25:03,965 --> 01:25:06,957
Sir! Permission to fall out, sir?
1015
01:25:07,085 --> 01:25:10,600
We've been playing cricket
in the hot sun for three hours.
1016
01:25:10,725 --> 01:25:14,638
We can't enjoy ourselves infinitum,
or at least bowl underarm.
1017
01:25:14,765 --> 01:25:18,838
Play on is my advice to you unless
you want to look at me in a court martial.
1018
01:25:18,965 --> 01:25:21,877
- Enjoy yourselves. It will be a long war.
- Play on!
1019
01:25:22,005 --> 01:25:26,362
You may not fall out until a very important
bod sees you entertained and happy.
1020
01:25:26,485 --> 01:25:30,637
Tails up, I haven't brought you
all this way to bowl underarm.
1021
01:25:30,765 --> 01:25:34,394
- It's just as hard for me as it is for you.
- You're a bastard.
1022
01:25:34,525 --> 01:25:37,642
I hope so, I hope I am a bastard.
1023
01:25:37,765 --> 01:25:40,484
- I'm not proud of it.
- Sit down, son.
1024
01:25:40,605 --> 01:25:44,314
I've looked after their feet
as if they were my own, sir.
1025
01:25:44,445 --> 01:25:46,037
Excuse me, sir.
1026
01:25:59,845 --> 01:26:02,598
- What is all this?
- Advance cricket pitch.
1027
01:26:02,725 --> 01:26:05,797
Present and ready for your inspection, sir.
1028
01:26:07,965 --> 01:26:11,275
What rotten bowlers. Right, drive on.
1029
01:26:11,405 --> 01:26:16,240
It is bad. The lower-middle and working
classes receiving the King's Commission?
1030
01:26:16,365 --> 01:26:20,438
These classes, unlike like the classes
who led the army when I was a lad,
1031
01:26:20,565 --> 01:26:23,318
never had their people to consider.
1032
01:26:29,045 --> 01:26:31,240
I liked it better when he was a comedian.
1033
01:26:31,365 --> 01:26:33,833
He wasn't very funny but I liked it better.
1034
01:26:33,965 --> 01:26:37,401
Jokes. Mind you, I'm working class.
1035
01:26:37,525 --> 01:26:40,358
I had a grandfather who was a miner.
1036
01:26:40,485 --> 01:26:42,521
Until he sold it.
1037
01:26:42,645 --> 01:26:45,205
It's a very simple plan.
All my plans are simple.
1038
01:26:45,325 --> 01:26:49,716
You remember Dieppe? Arnhem will be
as simple. A few parachutes, that's all.
1039
01:27:06,805 --> 01:27:09,444
My heart's not in it any more.
1040
01:27:09,565 --> 01:27:13,558
Oh, go away, I'm tired. I'm the only
bleeding bowler in the Second Army.
1041
01:27:39,165 --> 01:27:42,043
- Sorry, old man.
- It's all right, sir. I'm very grateful.
1042
01:27:42,165 --> 01:27:45,999
- Stretcher bearer!
- Jammy bastard.
1043
01:27:49,085 --> 01:27:56,036
With the Second Army linking up, the men
of the Airborne can afford to relax a little.
1044
01:28:30,085 --> 01:28:32,041
Out!
1045
01:28:32,165 --> 01:28:34,121
Come on, come on!
1046
01:28:37,725 --> 01:28:39,681
- Tot ziens/
- Auf Wiedersehen/
1047
01:28:40,165 --> 01:28:44,078
- Welkom, welkom.
- Thanks.
1048
01:28:50,045 --> 01:28:52,400
One, two...
1049
01:28:52,525 --> 01:28:54,880
Don't look, don't look, don't look!
1050
01:28:55,005 --> 01:28:58,475
Don't look... Don't look...
1051
01:29:04,765 --> 01:29:06,403
Don't look.
1052
01:29:08,325 --> 01:29:10,759
Don't look...
1053
01:29:10,885 --> 01:29:12,841
Come on.
1054
01:29:25,725 --> 01:29:28,398
Dooley, Spool, take the barn.
1055
01:29:28,525 --> 01:29:30,675
Sergeant Transom with me.
1056
01:29:44,925 --> 01:29:46,881
We are English.
1057
01:29:54,845 --> 01:29:56,563
Nice place you've got.
1058
01:30:00,765 --> 01:30:05,759
Right, you two, outside. Slit trench eight
yards from this wall. Move yourselves.
1059
01:30:05,885 --> 01:30:07,557
Do sit down.
1060
01:30:14,685 --> 01:30:19,201
Now, this is the job on which
the soldier's life and the battle depends.
1061
01:30:19,325 --> 01:30:22,237
As soon as the infantryman
reaches a new position,
1062
01:30:22,365 --> 01:30:25,516
he starts to dig in with pick and spade.
1063
01:30:27,045 --> 01:30:30,242
To begin with,
cover is a hole in the ground,
1064
01:30:30,365 --> 01:30:33,755
but as the enemy are rolled back
by succeeding waves of troops,
1065
01:30:33,885 --> 01:30:38,117
the men immediately behind
start serious digging.
1066
01:30:38,245 --> 01:30:42,033
The infantryman's home in battle
is his slit trench.
1067
01:30:42,165 --> 01:30:48,638
In a narrow five-foot hole,
he lives, sleeps, eats, and rests.
1068
01:30:48,765 --> 01:30:55,716
If the men are lucky, rations, great coats
and mail are brought to them after dark.
1069
01:30:56,685 --> 01:30:59,404
It's the missus again, of course.
1070
01:30:59,525 --> 01:31:02,323
She's having it away with a Yank now.
1071
01:31:02,445 --> 01:31:05,005
Hands across the sea,
straight up her woollies.
1072
01:31:12,805 --> 01:31:15,763
- Stop it!
- What are you laughing at?
1073
01:31:21,325 --> 01:31:24,635
I can't say it. I can say nothing.
1074
01:31:25,605 --> 01:31:30,838
I'd like to say what I feel,
but I can only tell you what I see.
1075
01:31:30,965 --> 01:31:34,878
The weather's not bad
and I still write to you.
1076
01:31:35,005 --> 01:31:39,556
The words look so young on paper
and we are grown people.
1077
01:31:40,365 --> 01:31:46,156
But I'll tell you. I do miss you.
"Moonlight Cocktail" is now all the rage.
1078
01:31:47,725 --> 01:31:52,879
...with an American soldier.
They're all over here now.
1079
01:31:53,005 --> 01:31:56,600
He thrust his great American hand
into my dress
1080
01:31:56,725 --> 01:32:01,241
and I felt the utility material
of which it was made, parachute silk,
1081
01:32:01,365 --> 01:32:05,438
tear asunder
under the thrust of his passion.
1082
01:32:06,485 --> 01:32:09,761
Fondest ever always,
your own Mrs Clapper.
1083
01:32:16,605 --> 01:32:21,679
Gripweed, Clapper, cover yourselves.
They're coming from the right!
1084
01:32:26,365 --> 01:32:31,997
Sergeant Transom, tank and infantry
coming from the right. This side.
1085
01:33:41,005 --> 01:33:43,235
Sergeant Transom! Get out.
1086
01:34:43,485 --> 01:34:45,077
Now, watch it.
1087
01:34:46,405 --> 01:34:48,521
Have a heart, eh?
1088
01:34:58,165 --> 01:35:01,316
Thieving git. Some bastard's
been prior, has he, Jock?
1089
01:35:02,605 --> 01:35:06,314
- One bastard stinks to high heaven.
- Are you a duration bloke?
1090
01:35:06,445 --> 01:35:08,436
- You wouldn't chuckle?
- Pack it in.
1091
01:35:08,565 --> 01:35:11,204
I'm a regular.
It's my soddin' career, liberating.
1092
01:35:40,805 --> 01:35:42,796
I knew this'd happen.
1093
01:35:42,925 --> 01:35:44,961
You knew it'd happen, didn't you?
1094
01:35:51,405 --> 01:35:54,238
Thank you. Thank you for your help.
1095
01:35:55,725 --> 01:36:02,483
- Steady on, we're still on it, the bridge.
- It is a lovely bridge.
1096
01:36:02,605 --> 01:36:05,483
It is the only bridge
still intact across the Rhine.
1097
01:36:05,605 --> 01:36:09,154
- It won't be for long.
- If you had it, you could win the war.
1098
01:36:09,285 --> 01:36:14,075
- I think we're doing that anyhow.
- And I could retire sooner.
1099
01:36:14,205 --> 01:36:16,161
- You'd win.
- Yes.
1100
01:36:17,725 --> 01:36:20,444
- It's yours.
- No, I don't want to blow it up.
1101
01:36:20,565 --> 01:36:22,795
You've done all the work.
1102
01:36:22,925 --> 01:36:25,883
- No, please.
- Cheap.
1103
01:36:27,965 --> 01:36:30,115
How much do you want for it?
1104
01:36:30,245 --> 01:36:31,963
No, no, no.
1105
01:36:32,085 --> 01:36:34,758
As we mean to go on, after the war.
1106
01:36:38,285 --> 01:36:41,960
The war brings out the best
in some, you know?
1107
01:36:42,085 --> 01:36:45,760
Thank you, but as we mean to go on.
1108
01:36:45,885 --> 01:36:49,161
- $25,000.
- Eisenhower would never pay.
1109
01:36:50,325 --> 01:36:52,316
Have it. Go on.
1110
01:36:52,445 --> 01:36:55,243
No. Those days are over.
1111
01:36:56,245 --> 01:36:59,794
There's no hope for you or your country
if you're going to let emotion rule.
1112
01:36:59,925 --> 01:37:04,476
I tell you. And it's got me nowhere.
1113
01:37:45,645 --> 01:37:49,638
To me, Sergeant Transom! To me!
1114
01:38:16,485 --> 01:38:20,956
I should have shot that stupid
little bleeder a long time ago.
1115
01:38:21,085 --> 01:38:23,645
I always wanted to, as you know.
1116
01:38:25,445 --> 01:38:27,913
You shoot one,
you've got to shoot the lot.
1117
01:38:28,045 --> 01:38:33,073
Before they takes their exams
and are taught virtue and industry.
1118
01:38:33,205 --> 01:38:35,844
Cor! Stone a little colonel, eh?
1119
01:38:41,765 --> 01:38:49,115
- It's a fine bridge.
- And it's worth about what? 17,000?
1120
01:38:49,885 --> 01:38:52,035
You know what? You are right.
1121
01:38:52,165 --> 01:38:55,635
I was beginning to forget
what democracy means.
1122
01:38:55,765 --> 01:38:59,804
- It's a wonderful bridge. 23,000.
- That's better.
1123
01:38:59,925 --> 01:39:02,200
- 18.
- No, I am risking my life here.
1124
01:39:02,325 --> 01:39:06,204
They are shooting people
for not blowing up bridges.
1125
01:39:06,325 --> 01:39:11,604
Well, we could build one for 23,000.
Less. It's too far south for us, anyway.
1126
01:39:11,725 --> 01:39:15,001
- I'd never get it past the accountants.
- Dooley! To me!
1127
01:39:15,125 --> 01:39:18,276
- My name is Dooley.
- I am not going. I'm just not going.
1128
01:39:18,405 --> 01:39:20,441
There's more to say.
I've got more to say.
1129
01:39:20,565 --> 01:39:23,238
- I'm not going without shouting.
- My name is Spool.
1130
01:39:23,365 --> 01:39:27,324
I was transferred from the Service Corps
for a better chance of promotion.
1131
01:39:27,445 --> 01:39:31,518
- I'd like to speak to you on personal, sir.
- Transom!
1132
01:39:31,645 --> 01:39:32,964
Here!
1133
01:39:33,085 --> 01:39:37,317
I never said a word to you
before I was dying... mate.
1134
01:39:37,445 --> 01:39:40,005
I died in North Africa.
1135
01:39:40,125 --> 01:39:43,322
I fought for three reasons.
I can't remember what they were.
1136
01:39:43,445 --> 01:39:48,075
The first reason gets you in, and the
reason when you're in is staying alive.
1137
01:39:48,205 --> 01:39:52,357
I won't know the reason they find
afterwards but it will be a very good one.
1138
01:39:52,485 --> 01:39:55,795
I'm sure we'll be glad,
and I'm not a thief, really.
1139
01:39:55,925 --> 01:39:58,120
I never found anything worth keeping.
1140
01:40:01,365 --> 01:40:03,595
Suddenly, my phone rang.
1141
01:40:03,725 --> 01:40:06,523
We were eager to secure
a Rhine river bridgehead
1142
01:40:06,645 --> 01:40:09,842
but we despaired of taking a bridge intact.
1143
01:40:09,965 --> 01:40:12,081
Suddenly, my phone rang.
1144
01:40:12,765 --> 01:40:15,677
22,000, take it or leave it.
1145
01:40:15,805 --> 01:40:19,434
In view of the personal danger
to yourself, 19.
1146
01:40:19,565 --> 01:40:20,998
Right, done.
1147
01:40:30,045 --> 01:40:31,922
Fine bleeding hospital this is.
1148
01:40:32,045 --> 01:40:34,764
Suddenly, my phone rang.
1149
01:40:34,885 --> 01:40:37,957
It was Hodges calling from Spa.
1150
01:40:38,085 --> 01:40:41,919
"Brad" he called.
"Brad, we've gotten a bridge, a bridge."
1151
01:40:42,045 --> 01:40:45,082
"You mean you've gotten one
intact over the Rhine?"
1152
01:40:45,205 --> 01:40:46,684
"Yep."
1153
01:40:46,805 --> 01:40:51,117
"Hot dog" I said,
"this'll bust them wide open."
1154
01:41:34,045 --> 01:41:35,558
They're coming.
1155
01:41:35,685 --> 01:41:36,640
Come on!
1156
01:41:38,445 --> 01:41:40,595
It's ours, sir, it's ours!
1157
01:41:41,845 --> 01:41:43,801
One minute! One minute!
1158
01:41:45,525 --> 01:41:48,085
Get out of the way, you idiot!
1159
01:41:48,205 --> 01:41:50,161
Get out of it!
1160
01:41:53,525 --> 01:41:55,993
Bum on! Bum on!
1161
01:41:56,125 --> 01:41:57,956
To Moscow!
1162
01:42:18,045 --> 01:42:21,321
We've come a long way, chaps.
1163
01:42:21,445 --> 01:42:23,401
Now we've come to the end of the road.
1164
01:42:25,125 --> 01:42:28,674
Head up, Gripweed. Be proud.
1165
01:42:29,765 --> 01:42:32,233
Show them who's won the war.
1166
01:42:32,365 --> 01:42:38,554
Across the worid, we've trod the stony
path from defeat to final victory.
1167
01:42:38,685 --> 01:42:44,874
And soon, the Great Umpire above
will call close of play
1168
01:42:45,005 --> 01:42:47,439
in this, the Second Worid War.
1169
01:42:48,445 --> 01:42:51,198
Or as I prefer to call it...
1170
01:42:51,325 --> 01:42:53,441
the final test.
1171
01:42:55,365 --> 01:43:00,485
And I want to take this opportunity of
letting you know how proud I have been
1172
01:43:00,605 --> 01:43:04,359
to have commanded
such a fine body of men.
1173
01:43:09,045 --> 01:43:11,275
Would have bounced anyway.
1174
01:43:11,405 --> 01:43:13,361
I haven't got 19d.
1175
01:43:14,605 --> 01:43:16,994
Transom, keep your feet up.
1176
01:43:17,125 --> 01:43:22,677
- What's he keep calling me that for?
- We're not out of the woods yet.
1177
01:43:24,725 --> 01:43:26,556
You haven't had a big part in this.
1178
01:43:26,685 --> 01:43:29,245
Ah, well. What you doing next?
1179
01:43:29,365 --> 01:43:33,438
- I hear there's this Vietnam thing coming.
- Yeah, I know that.
1180
01:43:33,565 --> 01:43:38,320
But I don't like working with that director
much. Still, the money's good.
1181
01:43:39,685 --> 01:43:42,438
I'm glad you could get here.
1182
01:43:42,565 --> 01:43:47,320
I've been trying to contact
all the members of Third Troop for years.
1183
01:43:47,445 --> 01:43:51,233
And, really, without success.
1184
01:43:51,365 --> 01:43:57,838
The strange thing is, I agree, there was
a good reason for fighting the war.
1185
01:43:57,965 --> 01:44:03,835
I knew it. I felt really despicable.
We had to fight the war.
1186
01:44:05,965 --> 01:44:08,684
I couldn't, that's all. I just couldn't do it.
1187
01:44:08,805 --> 01:44:13,515
I had to leave it to chaps like you
who hadn't really got a reason.
1188
01:44:13,645 --> 01:44:17,923
- I wanted to fight, honestly.
- I know you did.
1189
01:44:19,085 --> 01:44:21,041
But I won the war.
1190
01:45:45,805 --> 01:45:49,002
Visiontext Subtitles: Neil Blackmore
1191
01:45:56,325 --> 01:45:58,281
ENHOH
103368
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