Original subtitles

CITY OF WOMEN

Marcello again? Music, Maestro.

Fantastic arse.

You're amazing.

Gorgeous.

I'm so excited because you're the kind of woman I've always...

God, I'm crazy about you.

- Really? - Are you married?

No. Twice divorced. Why?

Couldn't your husbands satisfy you?

Could you?

A woman like you? Sure. Any time.

We'll see about that.

Just keep still.

- Do you want to do it here? - Yes.

What amazing breasts! Come here.

We can always try.

Give me a hand.

- What station is it? - I don't know.

It's Fregene. I get off here. Excuse me.

No, wait.

- Give me your phone number. - Goodbye.

I can't let her get away.

Where is that crazy girl going?

The station's over there, madam.

What shall I do?

Let her go?

Look at the way she walks!

Snàporaz, old son, you can't let that one slip away.

Madam!

Hold on a minute.

Taking photos, are you? Take one of my chopper.

Careful, or I'll stick it between those two watermelons.

You gorgeous thing.

That was some kiss!

Like a bulldozer.

You need a taste of old Snàporaz.

Madam!

Wait!

Stop! Wait for me!

Now what?

Your destiny is revealed, Snàporaz, old son.

Where are you taking that fantastic arse?

I'm coming!

Madam?

I've got something important to tell you.

Who knows when there will be another one.

Where's that baby gone now? There she is!

Wait a moment, please. Let me catch my breath.

You were so sweet before and now you're running away.

I'm not running away. I've never run away.

- I'm arriving. - Arriving home?

You live round here?

What a wonderful smell.

These trees wear much sweeter perfumes than your lovers.

- Are you married? - No. I mean, yes.

Only once. And I don't have any lovers.

We're alone, you and I.

Can't you slow down? It feels like a cross-country race.

Stop a moment.

Why are you following me? You don't know where I'm going.

What if I've got a man waiting for me?

- Or several men? - I don't believe you.

I feel bad that you've missed your train for no reason.

So you're not afraid?

Maybe a little bit.

But that makes me all the more excited.

Give me another kiss. Just one, like the one you gave me earlier.

I've got to say you're a hot bitch.

Your husband wasn't enough for you. You want every single man.

You're a whore and I love it. Give me that kiss.

That wasn't a real kiss. Do you want a real one?

- Go on. - Are you sure?

Do you want me to eat you alive? Right now?

- On one condition. - You're so hot.

If you close your eyes, I'll give you an amazing kiss.

You've got to keep still. Eyes closed.

Where did she go?

Where has that minx gone?

As if I didn't have enough on my plate already, I have to go...

...and make an idiot of myself.

Why do I carry on behaving like a silly little boy?

At my age!

Now I'm stranded without food in a strange forest.

Old Snàporaz.

I don't know, boss.

One and two.

Two and three.

Three and four.

Four and five.

Five, five, five hundred.

Five thousand.

Five hundred thousand.

Five million.

Five hundred million women.

The furniture's rigid. It's obtuse. It's masculine.

Let's get rid of the furniture.

Speak up. I don't understand a word.

Don't take any calls. Ladies, be reasonable. One at a time!

You don't ask couples on dirty weekends for their ID!

There's my big honey-bunny.

You love me, don't you?

- What are you looking at? - Nothing.

Hello. It's an interesting convention, isn't it? Are you a journalist?

It's strange they let you in. I'm a journalist too.

I wrote about our convention in Heinzburgend.

- Have you been there? - Sorry?

No, there weren't any men there.

Anybody know how to repair a tape recorder?

Nobody?

Who knows how to repair a tape recorder?

Excuse me.

- Did you see a lady... - A female?

What a stupid question. All we've had is women for two days.

Calm down. She's wearing boots and a fur hat.

He just walked in. He's right in front of me.

Where can we practise group meditation?

One room's not enough.

I'm used to...

Here you are. My tape recorder's broken. Come on.

Everything's made of plastic.

Ah, it's working?

You've just heard some typically masculine sounds.

Violent. Unbearable. They imply aggressiveness.

There she is!

What's all that stuff?

Now you'll hear delicate, harmonious sounds,

gentle, friendly sounds,

humane, feminine sounds.

The sound of silk tearing.

Women working at their own pace.

This is the turtle position.

Practise this position for psychic stability.

Hey, you.

- You don't belong here. - What?

Get out while the going's good.

Are you talking to me?

What do you mean?

There she is. Madam!

I'm here!

The vagina is a shell that emits the sound of the sea.

The song of the sea. The famous song of the sirens.

A chasm...

She is offended by humiliating names.

Pussy, snatch, muff.

- Beaver! - Beaver.

Gash!

Let us explore this pink vagina of ours

with her lips, eternally kissing.

Let's invent new names for her.

Tongue of light, smile of life.

Moon violet.

The statues of ancient Greece have phalluses

that rise up proudly.

Look at what phalluses have inspired.

The cult of the phallus isn't just political...

Where can you get one like that? Wishful thinking.

And so phallic power

legally oppresses half of the human race.

Us. Women.

Even the missionary position is socially obsolete.

That's so stupid.

The man, arrogant, his member erect, on top of the woman

with her passive vagina.

Socio-cultural oppression

from patriarchal times to the present day.

We are against penetration. It is invasion without defence.

We want ideal coitus

with parity between males and females.

Penetration is a crime that should be punished with a fine of 10 million lire.

The feminist movement at Columbia University...

- Reactionaries! -...has been doing extensive research.

Fascists!

Stop right there.

I've had enough. You're breaking my ovaries.

Let go!

Our main goal is to abolish fellatio,

an utterly degrading practice.

I like fellatio.

- What is this fellatio? - Try reading Catullus!

It's just a subconscious manifestation of women's creativeness.

- What took you so long? - The kitchen's a long way away.

I'll take this, don't worry.

Go on, you go first.

Quickly.

Castration! Castration!

American women

prefer the following position,

and naturally their husbands comply.

Why must it be a man and a woman?

You don't need a man to do that.

Masturbation!

Masturbation!

We have a thousand sensations in the palms of our hands,

in our armpits...

We must defeat fellatio. It's primitive!

Tahitian women are able to hold the male organ in their vagina

for a whole night,

a feat unknown to us civilised people.

Finally two smiling faces among so many scowling women.

What have we done?

I understand the issues of feminism.

But do you really need to be so angry?

What are you talking about?

Are you one of those journalists who's come to make fun of us?

Virgin yet whore, angelic yet diabolical.

Goddess of the hearth and instrument of pleasure.

These are part of the mystification of femininity

for the use and consumption of men.

"The daily bliss of the housewife".

Come and see.

Are you crying?

Look at her. She's crying.

Marriage miscarriage!

Thank you. You were both marvellous.

Marriage miscarriage.

Excellent.

I agree.

Marriage miscarriage!

I completely agree.

Marriage miscarriage!

Definitely.

There's Mrs Small,

running ahead of the six husbands

that she shares a happy life with.

A rare example of feminism

within the family circle.

After a lot of setbacks we were very lucky

to get an interview with her in her home.

She says that when she was a child,

the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

made a great impression on her.

It was like a premonition of her future life.

Her husbands are all from different countries.

There's even an Italian from Maddaloni, near Naples.

She wanted to buy a dog that he was selling

but ended up marrying him.

Here's a toast with all the husbands.

Thank you.

One moment.

I've got a big surprise.

Our valiant comrade, Enderbreith Small,

who you saw in my film,

is here with us.

You can ask her questions if you like.

Aren't you a slave to six masters?

That's my question too.

Is she happy in her polyandric relationship?

She says she's very happy. It's a united family.

Now I'll ask where her husbands are.

Let me introduce them to you.

Hans, Jenz, Jan, Gigi, Lars, Peter!

ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL

Go on, go on. Keep going.

Don't stop.

- Pleased to meet you. - Indeed. Now, go on.

My dear sisters, I'm 60.

Just 60.

The menopause doesn't exist.

It's an alibi created by a male-dominated society.

It's they, the men, who run out of steam.

I've taught hundreds of children

and I found teaching them much more rewarding

than having children of my own.

I choose to die, not to finish.

Look at this beautiful leg.

Do you see any varicose veins? Wrinkles are a male invention!

My husband said, "Being with you

"is like climbing Everest without oxygen."

I'm proud of my wrinkles.

Here they are, one by one.

I have no fear of ageing or dying.

I adore life. I think love is marvellous.

All women are young. All women are beautiful.

All women are 20 years old.

A woman without a man

Is...

Like a nose without a workshop

A somersault without a rifle

A dictionary without petrol

A lightning rod without face powder

A woman without a man is...

A lampshade without a lifeguard

A rosewood without an earring

A manuscript without a doormat

A partisan without a tadpole

A woman without a man is...

A loincloth without a piñata

A bat without any breeches

A tomato without any slippers

A thoroughbred without a tie...

I'd like to say something,

although maybe there's no point, sisters.

We have been deceived once again.

Very subtly, as is their way.

We were generous and hospitable.

Maternal.

We spoke, we had discussions.

We sang.

We performed our rites

without reserve or feminine modesty

in the futile hope of making known

to someone who has neither the ability nor the desire to know

how much freedom, how much authenticity,

how much love and life

has been taken from us.

It's all been in vain, sisters.

The eyes of that man walking among us

with that look of feigned respectability...

He says he wants to find out about us and understand us

because it's the only way to improve his relationship with us.

Of all his hypocritical excuses,

this is surely the basest.

The eyes of this man are the eyes of the male we've always known.

They distort everything they see in the mirror of derision and mockery.

A scoundrel never changes.

We women are simply an excuse

for him to perform, once again,

his bestial fables, his circus, his neurotic show.

We are his clowns, his hula girls, his Martians.

We enhance his show with our passion,

with our suffering.

I warn this dismal, hollow, worn-out sultan

that we are not Martians.

We want to live on Earth, this Earth,

but no longer as fertiliser, as we've been doing for 4,000 years.

He doesn't know us, nor does he want to.

And that is his fatal error.

While we've been shut up in the dark of his harem,

or isolated in our miserable ghettos,

we've had the time to watch him,

to observe our jailer,

our lord.

We've found out about you.

We know everything about you. You're the clown, the Martian.

Look at him, sisters.

See how he's hiding.

You can't hide any more.

You can't act all indifferent.

I'll tell them everything about the train and how you...

Look at him, sisters.

Here he is, in close-up.

Go to hell!

'Sisters, beware.

'A man, a male, is lurking among us and listening to our discussions.

'He is stealing our words.

'He records our speeches, distorts them and publishes them.

'He's spying on us.

'We must stop him.

'Search for him, corner him, throw him out.'

Excuse me.

Over there. That's him!

Out! Out! Out!

Sorry, I don't understand why...

I came here by chance. Please let me speak.

- Sir. - I mean...

Come with me.

What a way to behave!

You're all crazy.

How was I supposed to know there was a convention? And who cares?

Why pick on me?

What's so funny? Why did you call me over here?

Why? I want to get out.

Where is this lift going?

I wouldn't let him get out.

What does he want from us?

I feel like helping him. I'm very maternal.

I can't help it.

It's my big weakness.

Can you skate?

Skate? I could when I was a kid.

You may be all right, then. Give him your skates.

With a little bit of bravery and a lot of luck.

- Are you lucky? - What do you mean? When I'm skating?

- Can you tell me where we're going? - After you.

See Gabriella?

Every day she has to do 300 laps.

She made a vow.

Why don't we say you're the new instructor?

- What? - Yes.

He'll end up like the plumber.

That would be a shame.

Hey, Gabriella, I left that thing upstairs for you.

Be careful when you open it.

- Can you give me a sensible answer? - Let's put our skates on.

Where's the exit? You said you'd help me get out.

The exit is in front of you.

They're good, aren't they?

- Do you really have to go? - Yes.

- How old are you? - Very old. I could be your grandad.

You need to strike here, on the male genitals.

You missed. You all miss.

You lack concentration.

Concentration is everything.

Keep your eyes focused.

It's your turn, Camilla.

Legs wide apart...

I won first prize for the best kick in the testicles.

- You're not bored, are you? - Oh, no, it's great fun.

You've got really small feet.

What is somebody like you doing here?

Strange, isn't it? I'm full of contradictions.

Ready for a Mackarij kick?

Go!

Good kick thanks to good concentration.

You must visualise the male genitals in your imagination.

Are you trying to rescue him, Donatella?

Good luck.

And back. One, two, three, four...

Come on, Grandad.

Hold on. I haven't had skates on for 30 years. It's not easy.

Don't be nervous.

- Be brave. - I've got a dodgy knee.

You will take me to the exit, won't you?

You're so sweet.

- Don't pull me or I'll fall. - You're doing well.

Let go! I'll do it by myself.

Are they making you scared?

They're amazing.

They're good. Great choreography.

Shall I come and get you?

I need to get out of this madhouse!

Come and get me. Don't be so irresponsible.

- Here I am, Daddy. - They're all crazy.

- Be brave. - Stop them.

They can't stop.

We need to get through.

We need to get through.

Watch out! Mind the stairs!

There are stairs there.

Careful on the stairs.

You slip like an eel.

My husband kept slipping

till he was kaput.

Don't move.

Now take a deep breath.

Take a deep breath.

Does it hurt?

Of course it hurts!

Bitches!

Such a handsome donkey!

It's giving me ideas.

I want to go to the station. Where's the station?

What? The station?

- I'll take you. - How?

Butnicht so schnell, young man.

I can't make out what she's saying.

I won't touch you. I'll only make you more dirty.

Good lad. Take your coat and scarf.

See how black I am?

A bucket of water and I'll be as white as a slice of bread.

Schon besser?

- Feeling better? - Yes.

Let's go, then. Get a move on.

Who will believe this? If that woman up there hadn't...

Fuck you, you poor thing.

I've no idea what time it is.

Listen.

And with his spoon he scraped the pot.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Wait while I have a wash.

- Can you just tell me... - A nice wash.

Cold water!

All those bubbles!

All this water!

Water running, running...

You men are so strange.

You're all little donkeys.

You're a little donkey too.

They couldn't take it.

They all got fever-fever for my beaver-beaver.

Cool it, water. Cool it, cool it.

"A scoundrel never changes."

Really, madam? "He hasn't changed at all."

Why should he change?

To become what?

I'm all yours.

Come on, little donkey.

I'm ready.

You'll be at the station in ten minutes on my motorcycle.

You're not afraid, are you?

You mustn't be afraid of anything with me.

Well, one thing.

I was only kidding.

No need to be afraid of that.

Hold on.

Hold on tight.

Tighter!

I didn't take this road this morning.

There was no canal.

- It's a short cut. - All right.

Can you hear the frogs singing?

- The frogs. - Who gives a damn?

How much longer will it take?

We're almost there.

We'll stop here for a moment.

Just for a moment.

Why are you stopping?

The stationmaster, poor thing.

Where are you going?

The stationmaster's seeds. I promised him.

Look, I've had enough.

Come on.

- Help me. - You could have told me before.

You're very cunning. You want everything easy.

What am I supposed to do?

There was a poor beaver who worked like a beaver.

She's exhausted.

I take him to the station

and he can't even help me with a few little seeds.

What can I do?

Come, come. Help the women gather seeds.

It will only take a second.

Careful with that handsome head of yours.

- What beautiful hair you've got. - Thank you.

These stuffed cats belong to my granddaughters.

It's hot in here, isn't it?

Want an egg? They're good for you.

They put lead in your pencil.

Don't make me late. Get the seeds and let's go.

It's not time for seeds,

you silly boy.

Look at this titty. Have you ever seen such a lovely one?

This is too much!

Cover yourself up.

Squeeze it for a second, just to see what it's like.

Then we'll go to the station.

Just to get to know me. Don't say no. Touch it with a finger.

Squeeze it for a second.

It's nice and firm.

Yes, it's firm, but let's go to the station.

- I got a cat down there. She's purring. - What?

- And moaning. - I don't give a damn about cats.

Everybody likes her. Come and stroke her.

My big cat!

- Stroke her. - I want to go to the station.

- Stroke her. - Are you crazy?

- Let go! My knees! - I want you.

Feed the cat. Feed it!

Don't make me use force.

It stinks!

- Let me go. - Let me kiss you.

- Help! Help! - Give me your little sausage.

You pig!

You sow!

It's my mother.

Mummy, I only came in here to get some seeds.

Seeds for the stationmaster.

This gentleman was helping.

You monster! Come outside!

How could I have given birth to such a monster?

Look what she's done to you.

I must apologise for that filthy creature.

- Out! Come out! - I'll come out, but no kicking.

- No kicking. - All right.

You filthy pig!

You swore. You'll go to hell for that.

Go home!

Shame on you!

She didn't do me any harm. She was getting me some seeds.

Stop!

See what a clever mother you've got?

I'll give her what for! Poppet...

Accompany this gentleman to the station.

Take the road by the river.

We're poor people. Forgive us. Long live Italy!

Stop, pig!

Long live...

Wait! My coat.

Is it much further?

They'll come and find us.

Who will?

Trudge, trudge

The road will never budge

What about the German girl?

She's not there any more. Nobody knows where she's gone.

- Who's that? - We're taking him to the station.

The car's already a bit overloaded.

She's not coming. She doesn't feel well.

Everywhere hurts.

Everywhere.

What's wrong with her?

Where shall I sit?

- Sit your big arse down on the bottle. - Thank you.

There we go.

Mummy strikes again.

She screwed him.

She's something else!

Bye, Snow White.

No, I don't think so.

He says, "I'm not coming." He makes me laugh.

And then he says, "I can't score with you."

"You're too wiped out." "It's the other way round," I say.

He blows my mind, I swear.

Here they come.

- Pussy ahead! - The San Vincenzo junkies!

She borrowed the car again. She's far out!

Put on some sounds.

What are you doing, you idiot?

Look out! Stop!

Who was that idiot?

Hey, how long does Big Red last?

He lasts as long as he lasts.

Hey, lover boy!

Hey, lover boy!

- I don't understand you. - Look what I've got.

Do you know what I've got here? Don't you know what I've got?

Relax.

What else is there to do?

Come on, dance.

The plane!

What are you doing? Are you going backwards?

Stop!

Let go!

Arsehole! Give me back my gun.

Monsters! You're all monsters!

- Diabolical! - Arsehole!

Who is he? Who are you? Who is that man?

What do you want?

Do you think you can scare me?

What kind of film is this?

Stop, my good man.

Italo, Bruno, Franz, Cleo! Come here!

Be good!

Enter.

I'll cover you while you escape from those lesbians.

How can a female creature stoop so low?

They're blanks, unfortunately.

Only good for scaring the wretched creatures.

They've kept me awake for three nights

with their shouting, their sit-ins, their lesbian shindigs.

I'd rather do other things at night than sleep,

but knowing that they're camped outside my house makes me furious.

Come in. No, wait.

Let me see your face.

Old pines fall down like this, hollowed out.

This one was over 100 years old.

One night it toppled without warning.

- But we'll never fall. - Of course not.

You'll turn into repulsive old hags

before you see me topple!

Come in.

Thank you.

Some drugged teenage girls were trying to run me over.

- I know what they're like. - It's criminal.

You don't need to be afraid any more.

You'll be in my house. Come in.

Come with me.

And don't worry about my puppies.

Do you like weapons? They're my passion.

Weapons, women and horses. Actually, women, weapons and horses.

And then more women!

There aren't many of us left since this wretched invasion.

Have you heard the latest?

They've threatened to demolish my house.

- Do you want a drink? - Thanks.

Look what they've done to you.

Do you want to change your clothes?

No, I'm not staying long.

Those girls were supposed to be taking me to the station when...

- Sorry, your name is... - Katzone. Dr Sante Katzone.

Snàporaz. Pleased to meet you.

- Please have a seat. - Thank you.

- Good health. - Cheers.

Sorry, but weren't you at school...

It is you, isn't it?

- I'm sorry? - I really thought it was you.

Couldn't you tie a knot in your dick when it was limp?

- Limp? - Yes.

It's never limp.

Turn that light on.

Did your father have a white streak in his hair?

He was bald.

Good answer. I'm glad you're here.

- Turn the light on. - This one?

Look at that!

- Can I touch it? - Put your ear next to it.

Go on.

- It cost me a fortune. - Extraordinary.

I outbid a Jamaican millionaire at a public auction.

It puts Etruscan vases and Egyptian pots in the shade.

I have the finest treasures of the art world, from the East and the West,

all honouring women and love.

Do you love D'Annunzio?

Of course. Look, is the station a long way away?

I dreamt about him last night.

"Santino," he said.

"Remember the greenhouses."

Which greenhouses?

Quiet.

I'll show you, my friend.

In my greenhouses I cultivate

the most beautiful orchids in the world.

All made from real flesh.

It sounded like their patrol motorcycle.

They come and go all the time, checking up on me

day and night.

I wish their stomachs would explode!

What's this?

Ah, you remember!

We were at school together when I invented it. You're a witness.

- But the Japanese stole my idea. - Typical.

- Automatic vibrator, two speeds, 3000 rpm. - Not bad.

It drives women crazy. Makes them screech like eagles.

They feel like they're in paradise.

Keep still.

You're not brave enough to come in!

Come on! Try!

I'd love to see you fry on these high-tension wires.

Or better still, impaled on the spikes of the gate.

Unfortunately I had them designed like phalluses.

- I realise it was a mistake. - Right.

It breaks my heart to think that my house,

which is over 50 years old,

built by my own fair hands, which I call my temple,

has to be demolished.

Demolish it! Demolish it!

Why?

Bitches!

Why must you demolish it?

The new laws.

The laws of our new rulers, those horrendous lesbians.

They want a world that's rotten like them.

But they don't know me. I shoot.

I have guns, dogs, high-tension wires

and a few faithful friends.

I'm glad, but...

They'll find a fortress here.

By Hercules, I need to get dressed. There's a party.

- Wait here. - I need to leave...

Forget the train. I'll drive you tomorrow, wherever you like.

I need to show you the greenhouses.

3000 rpm.

How do you stop this thing?

Stop!

What are you doing, you crazy thing? Going faster?

Quiet! Be quiet!

The mother.

'I want to seek you out,

'find you with my own hands.

'Oh, my God!

'What's wrong?

'What is it?

'I want to seek you out, find you with...'

'Look, let me turn round.

'Like this?

'No! I'll fall over like this.

'Yes, like that.

'Like that.

'Yes, yes, yes...'

'No, that's too much.

'That's enough.

'Please.

'That's enough.

'That's enough.

'No, no, no.

'More, more, more, more.'

'You've had your orgasm. Now I want my orgasm.

'A 15-minute orgasm.

'I want to orgasm twice.

'To orgasm or to orgasmise? Which one would you say?'

To come.

'You've had your orgasm. Now I want my orgasm.

'A 15-minute orgasm...'

'Who are you?'

Let's see who's here.

'I'll eat him up!

'Eat him... Eat him...

'Eat him all up... All up...'

Go away.

Your turn now.

'Mummy. Lovely Mummy.

'Mummy.

'Mum.'

Thank you.

'Her name was Ula Bula. She sang when she made love.'

There's more!

Look at them all.

My dear friend, you really are extraordinary.

How did you manage it?

Do you want to hear them all together, these dear ladies?

Elena, what are you doing here?

What about you?

My train stopped in the middle of the countryside.

I wanted to call you and let you know.

- I'd have called you anyway... - You wouldn't have found me.

Why not?

Isban Isbarashi!

The party is about to begin.

We can't keep our devoted and faithful friends waiting.

Yes, beautiful lady, it's my ten-thousandth conquest.

My friends want to celebrate.

We can't let our friends down.

Please come with me.

You too, my dear Snàporaz.

10 THOUSAND

Congratulations, Dr Katzone.

Do you think she's beautiful?

My dear friends, don't applaud yet.

My sweet fiancée

would like to show you something.

- Concentration. - Well?

Impossible.

- Impossible. - Sorry.

Santino.

I love you.

Don't upset him.

I'd take your place but I don't know how to do it.

- What's she going to do? - You'll see.

Music, please.

Where will these gold coins end up?

A lot of courtesans in the East do this.

It's a magical sexual technique.

- Can you do it? - No.

Another one.

I'll try pearls.

Give me your necklace.

Silence.

She does it with pearls too.

- Are you happy? - Yes. Well done.

Ten thousand candles. I'm going to try.

Blow them all out!

Blow them all out! Blow them all out!

I'll do it.

What about those ones, Santino?

What's that crazy man doing?

Swine!

It's not what you think.

Here they are!

Congratulations to all my friends.

Champagne!

"Come in, live and drink," says the poet.

"O sinuous female forms

"coiled like the spirals of a white serpent.

"O maiden, how imperceptibly

"you turn the by-play of love into a surging fire.

"Drink of me.

"I am the wine that inebriates."

Friends, amidst all this merrymaking

I feel great sadness.

That cake tastes bitter.

Because you pissed on it, you slob.

It's not that.

What is it, then?

Because the time has come to say farewell to women.

All women.

To woman with a capital W,

the true woman, my woman.

This evening I want to offer her

my grateful and heartfelt best wishes.

Farewell.

Won't you tell me what...

Only you can go to parties?

This lady has also started to enjoy her freedom.

Thank you for your advice. I'll follow it.

Shall we go?

I get distressed at home.

- I ran into my singing teacher. - What about the boat?

Sorry, I'm talking to my psychoanalyst.

Carry on. I'm not...

What are you doing here?

You vagabond!

Loredana.

Look who's here!

Your button's undone.

Come here. I'll fix it for you.

Irene's gone to Kenya on her own.

I'm coming, Elena.

My sister's going to Florida next week with her husband.

I'm the one that gets the postcards.

I keep everything in here.

So I see.

You're very kind, just like she was.

It's incredible.

You're the image of a dancer who...

- I'm her daughter. - Really?

- My mum. - There were two very pretty showgirls...

The other one was my aunt.

The Smash Duo.

The Smash Duo!

Those were the days!

And you're a feminist now?

Of course.

Why?

How could I not be?

I have sacrificed to your divine essence...

Why are you here?

That's a secret.

- You're in a real mess. - What do you mean?

I feel better. A different person.

- No. Thanks, anyway. - Just a moment.

Tell me,

why am I in a mess?

Farewell, woman

War and peace, land and sea

You were for me

Trembling, I play with water and fire

At night I pray

Only to you

Farewell

Mysterious eyes

Soft knees

To you I say farewell

Farewell

Soft navel

Welcoming and friendly

To my lips

Yes, I'm drinking.

This is my fifth. Or my sixth or my tenth.

I don't know. I want to carry on all evening.

You're such a bore.

And yet your friends think you're witty.

The one who sees the funny side of things.

But did you ever say anything that made me smile?

Anything that helped me understand? A friendly remark?

Never.

It wouldn't hurt to say something,

at least once,

to stop everything turning to shit.

But he does his crosswords, reads his detective novels,

and what with his diet,

his homeopathic and macrobiotic remedies,

his acupuncture...

Listen, what about getting them to put a needle down there, eh?

That's a kind suggestion.

Listen, Elena, don't you think...

Oh, sorry.

Remember when you used to leave little notes under my pillow?

Did you love me then?

Did you?

Answer me! Did you love me?

Why am I saying all this to you?

You've never listened to me.

He never listened to me.

And he doesn't speak.

Look at him.

He doesn't speak.

You shouldn't speak when you're like this.

Do you know what my days are like?

Haven't you ever wondered?

Have you ever let me talk about myself?

You'd turn away, bored and impatient.

What meaningful things have we said to each other in all these years?

None.

Never.

Nothing, ever!

Only when you're far away

you feel the need to call me and talk.

I'm your refuge.

But I wasn't born to be your refuge.

It's too little. It's not enough any more.

You had a mother for that.

- Elena, be quiet. - I'm not your mother!

Be quiet.

Why do you have to do this to me?

Elena.

Calm down, please.

What you're saying isn't all true.

You're exaggerating. Things aren't that bad.

We've been through difficult times before.

We'll grow old together. I could never leave you.

You won't leave me?

Well, I'll leave you.

Arsehole!

- Grow old with you? - Elena...

- To be your nurse? - Give me that.

- Tend to all your ailments? - Give me your glass.

Clean your bedpans and put up with all your stupid whims?

- Mind you don't fall in the fountain. - I'll feel young again on my own.

Do you know what life with you has been like?

I don't exist any more.

Do I still exist?

Go on, answer me. Say it. Say it's true.

Don't you think I ever worry about our situation?

I need to talk too and sort things out.

Let's not torture each other.

Sort things out?

He wants to sort things out.

Let's talk, then.

Let's sort things out.

What are you doing? You can't do it.

You could still do something if you wanted to.

Or do you think we're too old to be young again, you and I?

The police! The police!

Wake up, Griscia. The police!

- Residence permit! - So the gorilla's still here?

My great desire still remains

Farewell!

Good evening, one and all.

Dr Katzone, my respects.

Forgive me for interrupting like this,

but the owner of this house, which was built illegally

and has received several demolition orders,

is well aware, correct me if I'm wrong,

that all parties must terminate at 11:30pm.

It's already 11:15.

My beautiful Inspector,

it is a great honour to receive you in my home.

How may I help you?

At 8am tomorrow you will report to the barracks.

Lieutenant Myrna wants to know why, at 8:15pm this evening,

you fired several rifle shots at a group of schoolgirls.

Little cub!

- Papers. - You're in the police?

I need to see your papers.

I shot into the air.

My friends are all witnesses.

Better safe than sorry.

- What's this animal wriggling around? - Stop it.

Nothing doing. It's half past six down there.

Elena! My love!

- Francesca! - How are you, darling?

- I can dress myself. - Now, let me take a statement.

Why are you here? And when do you think you will leave?

- Your residence permit. - Another motorcycle ride?

You've been accused of serious of fences against minors

but, thanks to Elena, we won't arrest you.

- They were minors? - We know them.

I'm guilty of of fences against those poor little girls?

Yes, they're little girls.

What have I signed, sweet enchantress?

A report on your dog's aggressiveness and subsequent death.

What?

Dr Katzone, you know very well

that it is forbidden to keep dogs like yours

without special authorisation.

They attacked the patrol, so we killed one of them.

Ladies.

Good night to you all.

I'm sorry but the stationmaster is better than you.

- Good evening. - They killed Italo!

They killed the dog I loved the most!

Whores! Murderers!

Three of you for every dog killed!

Italo.

What harm did he ever do,

this faithful friend of mine?

What's happening tonight?

I feel a storm brewing in my belly.

I love making love when it's stormy.

Right, Griscia?

Excuse me. Do you know where my wife has gone?

I've seen many wives since I started working for the doctor.

A woman in a red dress. She was sitting there most of the time.

- She's very angry with you. - She's upstairs, sleeping.

Not so loud. Have a bit of consideration.

Have you seen what they did to your boy?

Dearest Mummy.

You're my true love.

Beautiful Mummy.

Sweet Mummy.

Darling Mummy.

Good night. Sweet dreams.

Beloved Mummy.

Turn off all the lights.

Close all the doors.

This house is deserted.

I think that our Santino should get married.

Every man needs a woman, my boy.

You always need a woman in a house.

A house without a woman,

as they say in my village,

is like the sea without sirens.

Don't you agree?

This was the nice surprise

that Dr Santino prepared for you.

Raina and Vassilia, two little darlings.

You can begin.

- We're not ready. - Have a seat.

Sit down. Sit!

We're here to applaud you.

Dear girls!

Dear girls!

Look, boy. They have skin that glows.

They're beautiful.

Come on. They're dancing!

- Fred Astaire. - Go on, lad.

Watch him dance!

Lola! That's Lola!

Yes, it's Lola.

The lights have gone out.

It's better in the dark. We're like cats.

You can see everything.

And that other song that went...

We're prettier by candlelight.

- You dance so well. Very stylish. - Thank you.

And this one?

My son,

the night has begun.

And with each new night the great journey begins.

Do you know where I go every single night?

I go back to him.

- To my true love, my one and only love. - What?

Remember that actress, always wrapped in furs? That sensuous face?

Once my friend and I stole her poster from the cinema

and took turns every other night.

- Amazing stuff! - Amazing!

Look at this beautiful nightshirt.

The master's father slept in it and his father before him.

And tonight you'll sleep in it too.

This was their room.

Someone must always sleep here or else they'll come.

But with an onion by your side,

you'll sleep till morning.

- But I don't want to sleep! - Really?

Dream of the lady made of fruit...

With three apples under your bed, you're safe from the voices.

Dream of moon maidens and their eternal kisses.

Let's question him, girls.

- Are you in love? - How old are you?

- Let me guess. - Own up, how old?

I've hit 50 but I'm still nifty.

Go, Snàporaz!

He's off to a good start!

Listen to the wind

and all the secrets it tells.

Thank you. That will do. Good night.

Dream, dream, handsome boy.

The woman of your dreams weaves your destiny.

Dream of me, the prettiest one who satisfies your every whim.

- Sweet dreams. - Good night.

- Pay attention. Look at me. - Let me speak to...

She wants to scare him!

- Good night, sir. - Good night, Daddy.

Listen to me, shut your eyes right away and heed not what the voices say.

I'm not joking.

You have to make choices in life, but how can I choose between you two?

Where are you going? Wait. I haven't finished.

I've got a confession to make. Just one moment.

- Come here. - Good night.

Donatella.

Listen.

- It's important. - Sleep!

What do you want?

I want to make love.

- I want to make love. - In this weather?

- I want to do it! - Quiet. We're guests.

Make love!

Shame on you!

Look what your whores have done to you.

- Well? - Well, what?

- You're dead. - I'm tired. I've been travelling all day.

I thought we were separated.

It's freezing up here. How much longer do we have to wait?

- There he is! He stuck his head out. - Where?

Who are you? What are you doing there?

- Be quiet. - Shall I start?

- Hi, Snàporaz. - Hi there!

Rosina from Verucchio

is the first girl to come out of the pile.

Stop it! You're tickling me.

I'll call madam. What are you doing?

I've got to work.

Do you want a good smacking? I'll give you one all right!

Come here.

Look who's here

Look who's here

Remember the lovely fishmonger lady?

Who will cure her?

Who will cure her?

Look at this fish!

Eat my fish and you'll make love till you're 100 years old.

The fishmonger lady from San Leo!

She was like a wildcat.

If only I'd been a fish!

She was your dream

She was your dream

She was a shark

Goodbye!

Oh, the nurse from the spa.

Let me see the nurse from the spa.

Those teeth!

Feeling better today?

The little lad will grow up to be a big strong chap.

I wanted to marry her.

Imagine having a wife who carries you to bed.

She was German.

What was your name?

The most thrilling, shocking show

ever performed in public,

the Circle of Death.

You won't believe your eyes.

You won't believe it's possible.

And yet look what we have here,

Lioness,

America's pride and joy.

And Ginette de Lamar,

a Parisian thoroughbred!

They'll take your breath away

with their unsurpassed beauty and, most of all, their courage.

They risk their lives every second

in their terrifying Circle of Death.

Look, Marcello. Look who's there.

Remember, way back in '23?

Wait for me!

Here it is! Here it is! Here it is!

The cinema! The cinema!

The cinema!

Haven't you ever asked yourself why?

Do you really think you can read a woman's heart?

It's too late, Ivan.

The ambassador has asked me to come back.

It's already winter in my country.

The widow in the cemetery,

her thighs draped in black.

You're a bit boring, dear Marcello

How can you always say the same thing about women?

Always the same thing

Marcello, remember that bordello?

An arse-lover's paradise

All dancing around

All dancing around

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go.

Let's screw.

Let's fuck.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, let's screw.

Let's fuck.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, let's screw.

Let's fuck.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, dear boys.

Let's go, let's screw, let's fuck.

Let's go, dear boys...

Farewell! Goodbye!

Get my coat, Adelina.

- I got cold up there. - You're crazy.

At our age we should stay at home.

I want a nice little glass of schnapps.

Actually, a nice big glass.

- Why have you turned the lights out? - We finished ahead of time.

Where are you going?

How will I get down?

Don't break our nuts!

I'll close the cage.

You're so ridiculous. Ridiculous!

Listen...

Do you forgive me?

Poor thing.

PROGRESSENCE

Good evening...

Open it!

Open it!

Why pick on...

Where's...

This was the nicest part of the...

Open it!

Let's see what we've got.

He's fainted. I knew it.

Could he be faking it?

How much do you eat, lad?

- Support his back. - He's heavy.

I can't manage.

- My arm's breaking. - You've become a real lump.

I recognise this guy.

Let me have a look at him.

No. I thought...

This guy's older.

I've put him here, OK?

- How's it going down there? - Nothing doing.

I told him, "Stay at home, read a book, watch TV."

'Achille Ricitelli, alias Ricky.

'Tower 22, ring number 7.'

Go for it, my friend. Remember who we are.

You're getting too fat.

I'll have to fine you.

I called your sister and your wife. You'll leave me your robe, right?

Hello. You've been called. They're waiting.

- Why me? I'm no Latin lover. You tell her. - We don't get things wrong.

Give me a minute. Let me explain.

No, I'm not going. Leave me alone!

I have to write to my wife.

And to my mother. Let me go!

Help me, friends!

Why are you here?

What have you come here for?

Do you admit... Do you admit that you lost your way?

Why didn't you turn back?

Look. I've even broken my glasses.

What's the biological difference between males and females?

Have you ever known a real woman?

Why do you go prying in a world that doesn't belong to you?

Why did you choose to be born male?

Have you explored your feminine side?

'Roberto Spadone.

'Officially registered: male.

'Distinguishing features: male.

'Hair: male.'

- Hey, you. - At your service, Signor Roberto.

'Eyes: male.'

I'll deliver it immediately. Don't worry.

Take care, boys!

Good luck.

Come back, Signor Roberto.

Where are those men going? What's over there?

You tell him. What do they do there?

They go and meet the ideal woman.

The woman of their dreams.

The undiscovered woman.

Describe your orgasm.

Why do I have to answer these questions?

I can't remember. That's enough.

Sorry, but I really can't remember.

How can I answer?

I'm a bit confused.

Can't we stop here?

Let's call it a day.

Thanks for everything and see you again, eh?

Besides, it's cold here. You're very nice, but this place isn't...

Hold out your right arm. Go on, hold it out.

Can't you do it?

You've shrunk.

You've probably never pointed out anything to anyone with an arm like that.

Say a woman's name.

- The first one you think of. - The first one I think of? Why?

I don't know... Pippo.

Pippo?

I said Pippo. What are you going to accuse me of now?

I don't know why I said Pippo.

It's funny, I know.

'Ring number 4.

'Sabino Mataluso.'

What? I don't understand.

The charges.

Doesn't answer the question: "Why are you here?"

Doesn't answer the question: "Why did you choose to be born male?"

Refuses to reveal everything he knows.

Can't find a way out.

Never gives himself, abandons himself or trusts.

Can't offer a woman complete sexual fulfillment.

Can't distinguish or recognise his feminine side.

Always does the same things.

Wears socks in bed. Pretends not to notice.

Is guilty of not looking around and being self-indulgent.

Pities himself. Can't find a way out of this story.

Is afraid of making decisions. Is always silent.

Talks too much. Is guilty of feeling guilty.

Takes himself too seriously.

Is guilty of being an arse-loving maniac.

Is going bald.

Can't conceive of committing himself to one woman.

Insists on deceiving himself that an ideal woman exists.

Believes that women are mentally inferior.

Considers them to be superior beings.

Wants to discover the dark side of the moon. Is not free.

Cannot justify his aggressiveness, his vulgarity,

his immodesty towards women.

Feels lonely.

No woman is his type.

Thinks he's the hero.

Keeps escaping.

Doesn't give up but is arrogant enough to keep searching.

Is set in his ways...

All these things mean you're bad.

Don't kiss me. Stay away.

Try this style.

You're really annoying me!

But you looked so cute.

Can't cook.

Pisses standing up.

You're free. You can go home.

That wasn't too bad. Aren't you happy?

He's surprised. You didn't expect that, did you?

I know, I know, he said he's coming.

Where are you going now?

Now that I'm free, I don't want the story to end here.

I want to go and see what's over there.

He wants to go and see. What's got into him?

Maybe that's exactly what you wanted me to do.

Bye.

What shall I do? Shall I call?

You were absolutely fantastic. That's all we can do, isn't it?

Yes, he's here with me.

I'll tell him.

I knew it. I knew it!

Thank you for considering me worthy of this encounter.

An encounter that's a waste of time for me and for you.

Well? What do you want from me?

You don't like this head? I'll throw it away.

You don't like how I look at you? I won't look any more.

Break her. Shake her.

Lose her. Find her.

Open her. Close her. Worship her. Degrade her.

Kill her. Remember her. Forget her. Take her.

Meet her! Meet her!

Yes, of course.

She has to show up now.

I need to see this ghost because I'm sure she doesn't exist.

She's a stranger, always elsewhere.

A floating spirit, out of reach.

She's deadly.

Here are the scales to weigh your little dick.

What am I supposed to do up there?

Make love? I have to profane that idealised image?

It would be a calamity for me if I found out

that she feels pleasure like the others do.

He's really going up?

Go figure!

Where am I going? I'll never make it.

There's no air.

I've been up here for a lifetime.

I thought I heard a voice,

a familiar voice.

Hang on in there, old Snàporaz.

Let's go and see.

There's no turning back now.

If you existed, would you be my reward or my punishment?

Let me go.

Please be kind.

Get me out of this mess. What good am I to you?

You're no use to me and I'm no use to you.

Maybe you're someone I've already met and I didn't recognise you?

My first love?

No, you must be somebody new, somebody I've never met before.

Someone born out of me, as I was once born out of...

Please...

I beg you, if you exist, if you are there, reveal yourself.

I need you now. You have to appear.

This is what I'll do. I'll close my eyes and count to seven.

We've got to put an end to this somehow.

All right, and when I open them, you need to be...

close to me.

Right, I'll start.

At last!

I was falling asleep.

Good boy! You've won.

Me too, because I bet on you.

See that? They're all going away.

They're leaving you alone to enjoy your triumph.

There's the great prize.

It was Dr Santino who sent it to you.

He is so fond of you.

Come here. Come here, my son.

No more dilly-dallying.

No more dilly-dallying.

Come on. Over here.

- I go up there? - Yes, up there, my child.

The woman of your dreams

weaves your destiny.

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

What's wrong with you?

You've been mumbling and moaning for two hours.

What is it?

Your glasses.