Original subtitles

McCann got life!

He's definitely gone down, McCann.

He's safe now.

Between us, we rule the area, agreed?

The answers are no.

Please tell me you're not getting

involved with the Madonnas.

Do you...

One of us are gonna get killed.

Dylan?

Yeah.

Such a lovely name.

He used to come at times.

You Davey's guy?

Yeah, I am.

Finn, help me.

You bastard!

If you wanted out of our business arrangement...

Let's just end it now.

No hard feelings.

No hard feelings at all.

I've got bad feeling about this.

Oh My friends think you're vicious and

they say you're Suspicious you keep

dreaming and dark scheming.

Yeah, you do Killing me slow, slow,

slow, slow I feel like I'm drowning I

feel like I'm drowning Down, deep down

Killing me slow Fucking hell!

Living a life of freedom It's outrageous!

That's why I'm stressing it.

If I had the money, I'd sue the shite

out of whichever twat's doing this.

I don't think you need to sue.

It's hardly slander or shitting.

I mean, also, it is, you know, true,

isn't it?

Shut up, D.

It's not fucking true.

Everyone says you have an extremely

average penis, Finn.

Everyone?

Well, the fucking ones that have seen

it have, yeah.

I mean, it's not winning any fucking prizes.

It's not that bloody anaconda over there.

We've all seen you're a penis, Finn.

Have you?

There's a WhatsApp group.

Don't tell them what the fuck...

Who do you think's doing it?

Shut up, you little...

Well, I don't know, do I?

For fuck's sake!

Maybe it's Karl Slater getting you back

for the dog-bumming rumour.

No, no, no, that's not a rumour.

No, no.

Karl Slater has been hilt deep in a

canine on more than one occasion.

Yes.

Mind my words.

Elizabeth!

Yes?

Five of your finest pints, please.

And you know what?

A cheeky little half for your good soul.

Thank you, Tom-o.

Oh, you're all right, sweetheart.

Listen, us women, we don't care, do we?

I mean, my ex-husband, he had a

three-inch shirt and we had two lovely daughters.

Mind you, I did have a very passionate

fling with Sugar's uncle, but that is

its own story.

Oh, yeah!

Families.

Families.

I'm irritated.

I'll tell you what it is.

Salation!

It's not even a word.

It's not really.

It's a very slight exaggeration, if I'm...

You're fucking out of your sweet God,

I'll pull my shit out right now!

No, it's gonna help.

Adjahn Khan was in here last night, and

he had silver paint on his hands.

Adjahn fucking Khan.

Yeah.

Grip him up.

Winner!

Grip him up, put him against the

fucking wall.

Oi, oi, oi, oi!

Why are you spraying outrageous lies

about the size of my dick in silver

fucking paint on bridges, man?

What makes you think it was me?

Because you're fucking...

look at your hand!

You've done even fucking clean of your tits!

I've just had my teeth done.

Look, they're fairly white.

One more time, why have you been spraying...

I'm going to say minor untruth.

Dude!

No, his manhood all over town.

Because I wanted to get his attention.

Well, why can't you just fucking bell

me up?

Because you would have said, fuck off,

you boss-eyed cunt.

Get in the fucking air and put the

kettle on right now.

You're overwhelming.

You make me look unapproachable.

There's a job coming my way.

Big money, low risk.

But I'm essentially a one-man band.

I move fast and loose.

Take the teeth out.

You're spitting everywhere.

What, the news, not the bloody weather?

What, the fact?

I mean, you had the fucking clippings, look.

Ha-ha-ha!

Fucking hell.

Just tell us about the fucking job.

Car, transporter, six brand-new cars,

estimated value, 70k each.

I've got an inside man, details en

route, how to release the cars, how to

turn off the trackers, the works.

But it has to happen this weekend.

Why does it have to happen this weekend?

Because that's what my inside man delivers.

Don't worry, he won't put up a fight,

because he's my uncle's brother.

It'll just be like a normal run.

Car's been taken from the factory to

the depot.

We'll have some damsels in distress.

My uncle's bruv, decent type, he'll

pull over to help.

We pretend to grab him, slap him about

a bit, just for effect.

He'll give us encrypted fobs to release

the cars.

And we fuck off into the sunset.

Well, to your mate JJ's anyway.

Your uncle's brother?

That's your dad?

You fucking idiot.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

What's his cup, then?

10%.

Never mind his shagging cup, what's

your cup?

50.

50?

Fuck me.

Right, name your price.

70 %!

50-50.

But the brother's taking 10.

All right.

50-50 of the 90.

65-35.

And I'm not pissing around.

You can ask any of these.

I don't fucking budge on this kind of shit.

62-38.

Oh, that's a complicated sum, isn't it?

I can't work that out.

Oh, just fuck it.

All right.

Just, just, just...

By the way, where's Tilly?

You're on holiday.

Ajahn Khan, Vin?

Yeah.

Oh, now, bozzy!

Jim.

Sausage.

He's had them fixed.

Well, he's tried to have them fixed and

still fucked.

Your man wants to sex him up, you know.

God.

I don't want involved in it.

Because if I go to jail at my age,

they'll have me as someone's fucking bitch.

I've got this far in life without

taking over the wrong one.

Quick.

I have no intention of starting now.

But, Jim, you can't say things like

that any more.

Oh, that's right!

Cancel me!

It's got so you can't say fucking

anything these days But he won't wend

it and the snowflake brigade wanting us

all to moisturize Like in breast is not

a crime and again out on a fucking

t-shirt, okay No, you fucking could get

a fuck out of my barn isn't tiny dick

You alright, Goldilocks, with your

stupid fucking hair, shagging pigs at

night and sleeping with sex dolls?

Because you're a fuckwit, dude.

Fuck off.

Anyway, has your friend turned up yet?

No.

Got in over his head, apparently.

Dead I'm hearing.

Better than under that new build on

Kringle Common.

Why don't you shut your stupid face,

you stupid blonde prick?

Yeah, go on, fuck off out of here!

Sorry.

Almonds.

Oi.

Don't listen to a fucking word he says.

He was in a dangerous place, but a mate

of ours got there in time.

The McDonald's took him.

They might have killed him, Vinnie.

They are psychopaths.

And he's all right now.

I mean, he's only staying away because

he has to, love.

Yeah.

All right, tell us about this robbery.

I'm not sure what else to do.

There she blows, let her be in there.

Transport her in the vision of her.

Oh, it's a Kestrel, isn't it?

Kestrel.

There we go, yeah.

I've got you.

Come on, come on.

So, honestly, I did not expect your

uncle's brother to be an old white bloke.

You didn't expect it?

Covinda?

He's not.

In Houston, we have a problem.

You're fucking what?

I fucking thought!

Wrong personage, other.

Fucking nuts, dude!

Give us the key, folks, now!

What's this?

What's this?

Oh, that was her.

Ow!

That hurt!

Farbs!

Encrypted farbs!

He's a good actor, isn't he?

Is this a robbery?

Yes, it is.

It's a...

Yeah.

What are they saying?

What are you saying?

Wrong dude!

Is that his uncle's fucking brother?

His uncle's brother!

That's not him.

I told you, you cannot trust the boss, Aide.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Eddie Braithwaite.

Where's Colvinda?

He's got a gut rot.

He's doubled over her.

Filled in last minute.

Shut up!

Shut up, you.

Jan, you've fucked us right up the arse.

I'm crying out loud.

Why did I get punished?

Oi!

Listen, we're not bad people.

We really don't want to hurt you.

We need the fucking fobs right now, and

then we can get on our way.

Give us the key fobs.

Give us the fucking key fobs.

No!

Release my hand.

They're cute.

Are you three in on this?

Yes.

Impressive, Fobbs!

No need for the song and dance.

If you want the key fobs, then you can...

Ah!

No, no, no, no, no!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

No, we can't get the fucking cars off

the back of the shaggy one.

Right, let's just go home.

Let's forget about it.

What goes in, must come out.

You're gonna crack them fobs out.

Oh, you're lying again.

For fuck's sake!

Why do we have to fuck every single

thing up?

Someone get in the vehicle.

Get in the vehicle of any kind.

You're coming with us.

Let's get the Chinese down.

Ten percent.

Oh!

Ten for fuck...

I'm only asking you to keep him for 24 hours.

Mm, maybe 48.

48?

Six-hop motors?

I'm checking tourist gear, Vincent.

Fifteen.

Five is what you can have.

Five.

That hurts.

Oh, fucking does my head.

12, and that's me going out on a limb.

Lobster hand on him.

Listen, you started off with fucking

10, didn't you, eh?

All right, 10, then.

Yes.

Done.

Very good negotiation, there.

Well done.

Yeah, back to square one, isn't it?

Oh, you've fucking done me again, you cunts!

Can I interest you in some togas?

Fancy dress shop went bump, I've got

all sorts.

Got pirates, scooby-doos, snowy whites,

seven dwarfs.

The fuck's he looking at me for?

Have you any bloody swag bags and a

dark mask?

Cos it'll fucking suit you, you robbing cunt.

Get out of it.

Fuck's sake.

Look at me up.

JJ.

Them cars are in situ, they're ready to

go now, love.

Yeah, how long's it gonna take them to

shut out them fobs?

Don't worry about it.

I'm man with a plan.

See you in a bit.

Right, now give over, Shaggy, in that wagon.

Get down!

Super strength laxative?

For fucks...

Yes!

For unblocking your bum when you need a...

I know what they're for, but what's he

doing here?

You're incriminating me in some...

illegal...

Oh, give over like you've never been

and fucking committed a crap.

Look, I'll give you free weed for a

month and that is a lot of cannabis.

Two.

You are a fucking piece of work.

Done.

Fucker.

Put that down.

I can't hear me out.

Has it stopped?

Probably.

You look clinically dead.

Listen, those fobs that you've eaten,

they've gone down your esophagus, into

your stomach, where strong acids are

battling to dissolve them.

Now, what it can't dissolve, it'll push

it down and try and expel it through

your stool.

The problem is, if there's a snag.

Snag?

It often gets snagged.

I had a coffee enema once.

There was stuff coming out of that I

hadn't eaten since the late 80s.

How long is it gonna be before we're

united with these bloody fobs here, man.

24 hours, minimum.

Fuck me.

Fuck you now.

Right, well listen, we're keeping a

fucking eye on this, Knobhead.

You don't leave our site, you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I've got to be places.

I'm a good judge of character and you

seem like a kind man.

You've picked the worst possible

weekend to kidnap me.

Right.

I've made all sorts of commitments.

I'm gonna let everybody down.

He's a worrier.

You're a worrier.

Give over worrying now.

Listen, we'll look after you I need you

to go and stick that up your bum, dead

quick, and tell us what you're meant to

be doing.

First things first, I've got my twins'

birthday tomorrow, nine years old, and

I'm sorting the whole thing.

Twins' birthday, nine years old?

Do you think we were born yesterday

trying to play the fucking sympathy card?

Oi, how the fuck has he still got this?

They're coming for our birthday, Dad!

Oh, there we go.

Got kids.

Have you got that?

Get off it.

Here.

Right, so we've got birthdays.

What else have we got?

Charity darts match tonight.

Forget that, you're fucking missing it.

It's for kids who are spying a bifida.

Bullseye theme, 7 o'clock, coachin' horses.

What the fuck is Bullseye?

Jim Bowie, you know, smashing, great, superb.

Fucking darts!

Fat-wristed men and women playing

fucking darts.

That was entertainment back then.

180.

Let's have a look at what you're wearing.

Well, I'm Bully, the star of the show.

The star of the show?

Oh, lovely.

Get the fuck on with it.

What else you got?

I've got to move me cousin's barge.

Ah, barge, me bollocks.

I mean, that's not urgent, like.

He's in Marbella, he's lent us the boat

and I've left it on a temporary mooring.

If I don't shift it by tonight, £1,000 fine.

Fucking dear, innit?

We are going to accompany you to all

these different events, right?

We have to, don't we, until he craps

out these shagging fobs, let them

laxatives kick in.

Go with the flow of things and

everything's going to be all right.

I promise.

Oh, guys, Brian Kennelly.

Brian Kennelly?

Why does that ring a bell, that?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?!

We nicked his mother's coffin.

Oh, yeah, we didn't.

How do you know him?

He's my boss.

He's a terrible man.

He'll know the cars haven't been

delivered and probably call the police.

Shit.

You'd better answer.

Tell him you've been fucking delayed or not.

PHONE RINGS Pay up, Brian.

Everything OK?

No.

Everything's not fucking OK.

Why aren't the motors there?

There's been a delay.

Funny story, actually.

Why did I say funny story?

What's the funny story?

Clothes and the morrowie.

I had to stop to help a nun.

Don't give a shit about your nun.

What's your ETA?

Very vague.

Very vague.

Very vague.

Yeah, good, thank you.

Very close now.

Make a good headway.

Well, I'm fucking off home, cos it's me

fucking anniversary.

But Carlton's waiting at the depot.

He's gonna tell me when you get there.

Comprende bellend.

Yes, comprende.

Parlez-vous.

No code.

Fuck, that's a problem.

That's a fucking problem.

Shit!

Can we get to this bloody Carlton?

No chance.

He's in a secure compound.

And they don't open the gates until I arrive.

We need to get to one of them or we're fucked.

All right, fuck it, Ken, all is it is,

then, yeah?

Right, split up.

Come on, it's all right.

What are you starving for?

Because Brian Kelly's house is gonna

have CZDV fucking doorbell cameras to work.

So you gather the license plates and

you, sir, go and grab the masks.

Onward!

Right, here's what we're going to do.

We'll have a look round the back.

We'll check out the occupants, work out

their location and make an informed

plan of attack.

We can go through the front door.

I brought the pepper spray.

What have I told you about the pepper spray?

I can't be trusted with the pepper spray.

You're staying in this outfit.

Isn't it wrong with it?

It's got holes in the gusset.

Get up.

Put your lid on.

How many people have been wearing this?

It's big enough to be open.

I don't like this.

It feels creepy.

Is it fucking creepy?

Boxing class.

There's an Ocado box out front, it's

middle-class as fuck.

Yeah, but what if he catches us?

Him and his wife, one cunt couple of

the Earth, three years running.

You do know that's not a real thing,

don't you, Sean?

Just as well, it'd be a fucking tight competition.

Jesus, I hope to Brian Dosson-Roe that

Mike Hardy fell in his dead mother's boob.

God, I'm through!

I think one of my beams just popped!

He's been frigging himself off to it

ever since.

Right, then.

Patrick, what category?

Places, please, Jim.

Places, right.

Render places.

Take your time.

Where's my money, Eddie?

Oh, Benny.

Moo.

Never mind fucking Moe.

I want that five hundred tonight.

I'm doing this, aren't I?

Tonight?

You're on bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, I promise, promise.

Boys!

D-I-S.

This is great.

I wonder if you can go on episodes on YouTube.

This is great.

Let's get fucked.

Do not YouTube that kind of boring shit.

Who the fuck would YouTube something

like that?

Hello.

Um, I've got a favour to ask you, mate.

Come with me for a sec.

Carol, your turn coming up.

What do you hope you've got?

Books?

I hope he's making her a nice

anniversary dinner.

Or maybe just take out, you know.

No, they're most likely upstairs, tugs

on, taxi orders.

Ah, very romantic.

I feel bad we have to restrain and

incarcerate them.

I know.

I love anniversaries.

Flowers, presents, cards with lovely

words in them.

You know, just like being in love.

Romantic.

It's a celebration, innit?

Alright, chatty gaffies, the door's open.

Good boy.

Good boy.

Fuck you, fucker!

Get the woman!

She's pregnant!

Get her gently!

Come on, son!

Whoa, whoa!

Who the fuck are you?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Honestly, there's nothing to fear.

Come any closer and someone gets

fucking whack!

Don't be scared, please.

Look, I'm pregnant too!

We don't want that baby getting stressed.

Settle, Patel.

We're just here for a little tet-a-tet

with you and your husband.

Husband?

He's not my husband.

I live next door!

Well, then, who the fuck's his wife, then?

We're the sister.

She'll be back about 11.

Oh, spicy.

Right.

Geography.

That's your subject.

Enjoy yourself.

All the others.

Reminds me of my dad, this.

Used to watch it with him when we were kids.

Useless wanker.

Reminds me of Dylan.

We used to get stoned and laugh at Jim

Bowen's farras.

HE LAUGHS All right, all right, Carol,

you're nervous.

I fucking blame myself, you know, for

all that shit with the McDonald's and Dylan.

It's my bloody fault.

It's not your fault, Finn.

Like, Dylan has got a brilliant mind.

He could have done a million things,

but he decided to stay with you and

dick around.

It's not your fault.

Perhaps he thought he could do better

somewhere else.

Yeah, well, at least when I was alive, eh?

Mm-hmm.

Them fucking posters, you know, and

just a couple of vague texts.

That's not all about it.

Where the fuck is he?

He's probably scared, Finn.

I mean, I know what that's like.

I just want my friend back.

Right, so, here's the geography question.

In which country is the Orinogo River located?

Mozambique.

I'm afraid not.

No.

Bully.

Bully.

What's he doing?

Bully.

It's incorrect, Bully.

What's going on?

Something's not right.

What the fuck?

His shoes!

He's got different fucking shoes on!

I don't mind his fucking shoes!

Size of Frodo Shaggins!

Get out of here!

Who the fuck are you?

You're not Eddie!

Arthur!

He shot out a back door!

He offered me a pint!

Fucker!

Hey, hey!

Shit!

Evening.

Anyone win the speedboat?

So, let me just get this straight, right.

You...

Have a bit of respect.

All right, fucking have.

You, right, you live next door with your...

My husband.

Your husband, right.

And you, sir, happily married, yet you

are ploughing this particular field,

despite the fact, or because of the

fact that she is eight months pregnant.

Eight and a half.

Eight and a half.

Do you know what you're having?

A boy.

Oh, my God, me too!

I thought it was your anniversary.

It is.

Mine it is.

Hang on!

How long's that been going on?

Till a fuck-all.

Two years.

Right, so that baby in there, which you

are yet to evacuate from your womb,

that could very well belong to either

of these.

What the fuck's it got to do with you?

It's interesting.

Could be, yes.

Oh, you should be ashamed of

yourselves, the pair of yous.

Oh, you should be, bringing a baby into

this scenario.

This is worse than what happened to

Aunt Adrienne.

That was her calling us to me, Doctor.

Calling us to me, Doctor.

Hang on a minute.

You fuckers break in here into my

house, you tie us up, and then you

fucking stand there, fucking moralise it!

I mean, who the fuck are you, then,

what you want?

Money!

Keep your goddamn voice down.

Actually, don't do the voice, love.

You sound unhinged.

All we want is our phone, which we

already have.

So, open it, please.

Open this.

Open this.

Open this.

Ah!

Ah!

Fuck!

Stand down, Carlton.

Come here, come here.

Just take a deep breath.

We're here simply to keep you two

company and then, and then, we will

disappear like whiffs of smoke into the

night from whence we came.

Help!

Help!

Help!

We're triple glazed!

The state of the art glass!

Please, let me free for the sake of the baby.

I can't be here when his wife gets home.

Oh...fucking shite.

Yep.

She has...she has...

She has got a point, though, hasn't she?

I mean, if the wife comes on, it's

going to be like a fucking episode of

Jerry Springer.

Or some of Hell Have No Fury, like a

woman who comes on to find out that her

husband has knocked up a younger,

fitter hotel next to her neighbour.

Yeah, so, so, so, so, here's my plan.

We pop them both in the fuck truck, we

take them out for a spin, and then when

we get the signal, we drop them off and

leave them with their own fucking emotional...

Yeah, I agree.

Nice one.

I mean, footbit, this wasn't meant to

be a piece of piss job, never moving a

fucking barge.

When's he gonna need a poo?

You know what I mean?

You lot been on a barge on holiday?

No.

Oh, shit.

I'm not a beach man myself.

I went to Bala Medina once, got bit by

a jellyfish.

You mean stung?

No, no, baked.

Took a chunk out of me arm.

I said to the kids, me and her brod

were finished.

Hey, be hard pressed to find a more

relaxing holiday than this.

Ah.

See?

She's a beauty, isn't she?

Right, you lot have a look downstairs

and I'll, er, I'll sort us out the ropes.

Hey, keep your fucking eye on him.

It's like a little house, only tiny.

Fucking God, look at the size.

It's big when you get inside, isn't it?

Do you know what I'm thinking?

This'd be a bloody good location for

the man who'll eat our wheat grow,

wouldn't it?

On a barge?

Yeah, on a barge.

I mean, Christ, it's inconspicuous, you

know what I mean?

It's fucking big enough.

Every other week we could just shift in.

No-one's gonna catch us on this.

Finn, you're not thinking big enough.

No.

Why do we expand our business?

Online, resins, edibles, fucking micro-dosing.

What's that mean?

Little capsules with magic mushrooms or LSD.

Yeah.

Like a fun-sized Mars bar?

Yeah.

They fucking only are good for me,

you've got to get them right.

Listen, I can't screw over Manolito,

all right?

Not after saving Dylan from the McDonald's.

No, I'm not saying screw him over, I'm

saying grow for him, yeah?

But do our own sideline thing and at

college I learned how to set up

webpages secure links.

Did you?

Yes How long have you been thinking

about all this?

a while And obviously cuz I've been

with Dylan we need to keep everything

zipped Agreed Agreed and get on my

nerves you That's it.

Don't be shy.

Give it a good, hard push and away we go.

That's it.

One more.

Go on.

One more.

That's it.

Right, get yourself down here and undo

them now.

More like it knots, Vinnie.

Yeah, I don't know.

Just...

That's it.

Undo the thing.

Yeah, that one undone there.

That's it.

This?

That's the one.

Through the hole.

It's still going round the side.

He's a fucking disaster down here, man.

He is, isn't he?

He is.

It's getting tighter.

They're always getting tighter.

Is this...?

Oh, no, are you set?

What?

Just gonna get this round here.

Are you fucking running away?

Turn it around.

Are you?

What, they need to come onto the...?

That's it.

Oh, watch the cat.

What cat?

Ah!

I'm trying to be...

Help!

Oh, fucking swim, then.

That'll be all right.

Come on.

God, it is shallow.

Step up.

What?

Stand up.

Stand up?

Oh, yeah.

Oi!

What the fuck?

Eddie!

You fucking promised you wouldn't do this.

Were you underestimating any breath weight?

I'm smarter than the average bird.

Edward!

Matt, Cardi, come on, get up.

Let's get you out.

Help!

I mean, I won.

Save yourselves.

Pull him up.

Hey!

Now who's the idiot?

You're a fucking idiot.

Dude, you're making a low-speed getaway

on a fucking barge.

We're neck and neck.

Yeah, but you can't reach me, can you?

I'm free!

Fuck's sake.

I'm gonna get blamed for this.

I know I am.

I was the driver in charge of that

truck, and I had the motive.

What motive?

You shouldn't steal, you know.

Did your parents never tell you that?

No.

And as a result, I'm now an extremely

professional thief.

Edward, listen to me, man.

There's no way we're gonna let you

trouble for any of this shit?

Why me?

Why today?

Try and help out.

Try and do the right thing.

I try and earn extra money when

Colvinda gets gut-ridden.

What does it get me?

I know.

Listen, Eddie, I'm fucking sorry, man.

It does.

It sucks.

Such a failure.

No, you're not.

Everything keeps going wrong.

You're not a failure, man.

I try and bring the kids up right.

I try and do the right thing, but life

keeps shitting all over me.

All right, now listen to me now.

That's enough.

You're over getting yourself.

Just pull in.

Let's put a cup of tea on, right?

And we'll sort out the party.

Put it in neutral.

Come on, pull in, love.

Here you go, pal.

Give one to you.

I've messed up, Vinnie.

I'm ashamed to admit it.

I've...

I've got a problem.

It's these apps.

It's just too easy.

Every bored minute, I'm on them.

Horse racing, roulette, football.

I haven't picked the right Christmas

number one for 17 years running.

And it hasn't fucking snowed.

Christ.

I mean, how deep in are you?

Thousands.

Christ.

I owe people money and I'm borrowing

from Peter to pay Paul now Peter wants

his 500 quid well it's Benny Buckley

actually he was the fella in the pub

that's why it's a wrong and so you

can't go home because I've promised the

wife I've sorted the kids birthday

parties we've got 40 kids turning up

tomorrow 20 each I've told them it's

all sorted and organized and paid Where

the fuck did you think you'd get away

with all this shit?

I killed him on Jaro's bucket.

3.30 at Aintree.

Dirty Barry at work gave me a tip.

Said it was a dead sir.

Knows the trainer.

Right, and let me guess he's fucking

lost, hasn't he?

Well, I don't know, do I?

Because I was about to pull over and

put the bet on when you lot flagged me down.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll serve you a fucking jar bang for it.

It'll have lost, won't it?

Eh?

You're a fucking track record.

It'll have lost, and so would your

money have been.

Here we go.

Mmm.

Did very well.

Bit won, didn't it?

Yeah.

Fucking hell.

You see, this is the thing about being

a gambler.

You rely on these occasional wins to

cancel out some of your losses.

Look, man, you need to get help for

this gambling.

It's fucking insane.

All this bullshit we've been through.

I mean, I swear to God, if you carry on

the way you have been doing, you're

gonna lose everything.

Oh, God, what am I gonna do?

The kids are going to know I've let

them down and I'm on a final warning

with Maria.

You said parties.

Plural.

Have you promised them one each?

My son wants a football party with

goals and referee and corner flags and

my little princess wants a ghost and

ghouls party.

I said there was going to be food and

goody bags, the whole shebang.

I mean, we can sort this out, I think.

I mean, honestly, mate, I feel as

responsible as you do.

I'm gonna see to it, me and this lot,

that them kids have the best fucking

birthday party they've ever had in

their lives.

Have you ever robbed out?

Right.

Wait until I get to the barn, I'll give

you a signal then dash them over.

Get it back in your box.

That's it, fuck the fuck off.

I've got a 10-inch dildo in here with

your name on it.

Maureen, go back to your kiamty.

Go, go, go, go!

Oh, yes!

Now you fucking...

You are dead, you fuckers!

You are dead, you fuckers!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Superior sign briefing.

Let me go!

It's a brand new rug, that, I know.

I've got it.

Go on.

Here you go.

Oh, God.

You're fucking right.

It's on strobe.

Cunt.

There you go.

What are you on about?

Torgas.

That's yoga, Kelvin.

We want Torge's fancy dress.

Oh, well, that's our three.

MUSIC PLAYS Two, one, go!

Sixty-six seconds.

Oh, shit, that's sharp.

This is very quick now for a first child.

He's coming to need the hospital.

OK, let me down to business front.

I need to see how far she's delayed us.

It's OK, it's OK, don't worry.

I used to be a nurse.

In a porno?

A fucking porno?

Eager beaver.

Go tell him!

It's unavailable, mate.

I won't even try it.

I had the devil's own job trying to get

hold of a coffee.

Guys, help me with this, dude.

Roll it.

It's all fucking roll.

It's all wheels.

Are you having fun?

Your life's great, isn't it?

Jesus Christ, Lads, go on.

My twins aren't getting buried, Vinnie.

Come on, you pig.

Come on, that's excellent.

Go on.

You all right there?

Vaginas are mystic, complex creatures.

You should get down to your two-shooter.

See what's coming towards you in the

next few months.

No, thank you.

Come on, you too, Tommel.

He's not looking!

No, no, no.

Listen, no offence, really, Finn.

You know, I'm over the start of the

process, but this end of things, I'll

leave it to the professionals for me.

Oh, Christ, don't mind it!

There's a fucking head!

I get roped into it.

Very well done.

Good, all right.

No worse than bulges!

A beautiful boy!

He's absolutely gorgeous!

In my mouth!

Are we going to cut the umbilical cord?

Could someone not have brought the

scissors to me?

I want you to know I was born from an

illicit affair and I never knew my real

father, so I want you to stay in that

boy's life.

Always show them love and care, okay?

I will.

Of course I will.

Now, what to do with this?

Clamp a two-finger which from the

baby's body push the blood out.

Then another two fingers place the

second clamp now cut in between.

I do think now though that she needs to

go to hospital, Carol.

Nonsense.

In Ireland I know babies be born in the

pub, then the mother gets up and has

another pint.

It's true.

Look at him, Brian.

He's so gorgeous.

I love him already.

We made that.

What the fuck's going on here?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

DARLING!

Go on.

Oh, fuck.

Hello?

Well, come in now.

I want you to see their faces.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

What the hell are you taking?

Hey.

Who are all these people?

Don't worry.

Stop checking by the lunch.

They're with me.

Oh!

There you go!

There you go!

CHEERING For Darren, a football party.

And for the little princess, ghosts and ghouls!

Eddie, you've done amazing.

I'm so proud of you.

Come here.

Oh, I'm gonna shit myself!

Yes!

Go on, Ed!

Yes, go on, get it done, dude!

I'm not gonna make it!

You crap the shire of them Pops, dude!

Come on!

Sick.

Yo.

So unfortunate.

Yeah!

I'm in love with you You don't believe

that and they know what the arsehole is

Roll with your Jaco Bell I got the hit

that you know damn well But I know what

I am They know what the arsehole is Cuz

the team's a family I got a feeling

that I'm underneath But I know what I

am They know what the arsehole is But I

know what I am But it's okay I got the

time but the time don't pay Police!

I've been kidnapped and robbed!

Help me!

Now then, Delgo.

Just finished the job.

That didn't go well.

As per usual.

I'll just fucking miss you, man.

Wherever you are.

Look after yourself.

if you know what is good for you you

will leave right now so glad you could

come who the fuck steals a coffee not

mentally stable is that correct where's

that fucking body time for fine around

is very much over Whitney Houston we

got a problem Because everything I got

is just about gone And I think about it

So much trouble in my mind So much

trouble in my mind I got an eight-hour

job