Original subtitles

In 1971, a young woman died at age 20.

She left behind a husband, a two-year-old daughter

and a recording diary.

A diary that told what it was like to be young and a mother

and in love and dying.

The names of people in her life have been changed.

But we kept her spirit

and many of the actual words from her tapes.

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

Boy, I want them to play "Country Roads" at my funeral.

Dying is beautiful, even the first time

at the ripe age of 20 years.

It's not easy most of the time,

but there is real beauty in knowing that your end...

will reach you faster than you expected.

And that you have to make all your love, laugh and cry

as soon as you can.

I pray you live long enough to see Jill become a human being.

Independent of Sam and me.

At least old enough to reason alone.

Old enough for her to remember me.

I think I like the idea of ​​cremation

at the thought of having my ashes scattered across the mountains.

♪ Almost Heaven West Virginia ♪

♪ Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River ♪

♪ Life is old there, Older than the trees ♪

♪ Younger than the mountains Blowing like a breeze ♪

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia, Mom of the Mountain ♪

♪ Take me home, country roads ♪

♪ All my memories, gather around her ♪

Mistress from Minas Gerais, stranger to blue water ♪

♪ Dark and dusty, painted in the sky ♪

♪ Misty moonlight taste Tear in my eyes ♪

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia, Mom of the Mountain ♪

♪ Take me home, country roads ♪

♪ I hear her voice in the morning. She calls me ♪

♪ The radio reminds me of my home away ♪

♪ Driving down the road, I have a feeling ♪

♪ That I was supposed to be home yesterday ♪

Yesterday ♪

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪...in the time of my life... ♪

In the early months of 1970

Kate Hayden was living in Riverdale, Washington.

She had just turned 19 years old.

And she was very much in love.

Lately, I've been thinking about the time of my life.

♪ All the things I've done and how it's been ♪

♪ And I can't help but believe In my own mind ♪

♪ I know I hate to see the end ♪

♪ I know my lady's pleasure ♪

Good morning, toots.

There she is! Wow!

This is fantastic. Remind me to hire you when I get rich.

IT IS GOOD. - IT IS GOOD?

♪ I have to say now. It's been a good life after all ♪

♪ It's great to have a chance to stick around ♪

♪ Lie down there by the fire And watch the tire at night ♪

Get your bunny!

Your rabbit...

Oh, and yes, well, listen, what was the doctor's verdict anyway?

Oh, the same old bursitis.

He gave me a chance. He said I can try out the Olympic team tomorrow.

Oh, this is fantastic. This is great for you.

Yeah, but why didn't he give you this last month?

Why does he wait until now to do all these things?

Well, we're having this thing and we don't think you'd

ever be suspicious if I needed to get back to my knee.

Yes!

Understand. Understand.

Understand.

Do you mind, please?

You should be a plumber instead of a musician.

Sex demons!

Later.

Very late! - Yes!

Sam? - Hmm?

Sam? - Hmm?

Hold me.

IT IS GOOD. - Listen.

I will hug you. I will hug you.

What? Which...? It's okay, honey.

He's wrong. I know he is wrong. I know the doctor.

The doctor? What is he wrong then?

Bursitis.

There is?

Bursitis, I know he's wrong about that.

Why? Like? Why?

Because I keep having this dream.

I just know it's something else. Oh! Drink!

Baby dreams never, never come true. - Is not true.

They do not.

Hey.

Hey.

You know what?

What?

We are going to the mountains tomorrow.

- Want to go to the mountains tomorrow? - Hmm-hmm.

It is above!

It is above!

All right!

I was so happy that week and I exploded.

So full of love for my baby and my man

and those absolutely mind blowing mountains.

There was simply no room for anything else.

There was no room for pain, illness or fear.

Life was so incredibly beautiful.

Come here.

Oh!

When are you gonna get real hair?

Oh! Drink.

Ah, come on. Let's gather a little.

You should have long, silky curls so I can...

play with Alice in Wonderland.

Yes, I will be the White Rabbit and Daddy will be the Mad Hatter. Let's go.

I will take this soap from you.

And we can get out of the bathtub, yes we can.

Let's go. Yes.

Sam! Sam!

Sam! Sam!

What? What's...

Get Jill! Not! Get Jill!

OK no, no.

Baby baby. Baby baby.

Why? What happened? Why? What?

What happened? - I do not know.

Did you slip?

- No, it was my knee. - Was there water on the floor?

- Something here falls? What? - It was my knee.

- Your knee? That hurts? - It was my knee!

That hurts?

It just collapsed.

OK, that's it! We are going to Riverdale! Today and we have another doctor.

One that is... A good one this time.

Dr. Colburn is as good as any doctor.

He is a charlatan!

You don't even know him! - What did he do, besides wasting our time?

He did his best.

That's why I went to the clinic. Save money.

Okay, and like all his bargains, it ends up costing us ten times as much.

I think you're great too.

Weaver had a line on a used bicycle.

Now, we're going to have to spend every penny on another stupid doctor.

I don't like being sick!

I'm not doing this on purpose!

I'm not doing this to frustrate you! I don't like almost killing my baby!

Stop blaming me!

All I'm saying is, if you had gone to a decent

doctor six months ago, you would be fine now.

By waiting six months, it will take ten times longer to

heal and it will take ten times longer and we can't pay.

Nobody says you have to spend your money on me. No commitment, remember?

Bye, good travel.

Meaning?

To go out! Go get your stupid bike! I will deal!

You could? Maybe you will. Yes.

What am I here for then? What am I doing? Am I decorating? I know, comic relief.

Right? Right.

Do you really want me to leave?

Please yourself! Do what you want!

Right.

Creep!

Beep Beep.

Do you need a ride, pretty lady?

You are late.

Do you want to come in then?

Where are we going?

Spokane. For testing.

Now he thinks it's a tumor.

What is a tumor? It's a mole, it's nothing.

I have to be there Monday.

Please, Sam.

Don't help me now.

Hmm.

Good...

Well what do you need then? Do you need the bus fare?

Or do you need me?

How can you be so silly?

Good...

Hmm?

How can I love someone as stupid as you?

Well, if not the old weaver with the foul mouth?

Where have you been?

Oh, here and there.

Horrible to see you, Kate.

It was heaven without you.

Yes Yes Yes. Do you know Sam Hayden?

No, but I think it should.

Hello Hello.

Hi!

Hi.

First, can I have a glass of water?

- I'll get her. - No, I understand.

Ah-ha!

Ah-ha!

The... Ah-ha...

- Looking for some water? - Yes.

Thanks.

You are welcome.

♪ Sunshine in my eyes ♪

♪ It can make me cry ♪

Do you come like this to everyone?

Are you embarrassed?

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ In the water it looks so adorable ♪

You shouldn't be.

Why not?

♪ Sunshine ♪

Can I sit there? - Where?

There. - Right.

♪ Gets me high ♪

♪ Sunshine on my shoulders ♪

♪ It looks so adorable ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ in my eyes ♪

♪ It can make me cry ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ In the water ♪

♪ It looks so adorable ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Almost always ♪

♪ Gets me high ♪

Oh, what a place!

What place.

All this and that you see up there.

- Have you been here all your life? - No, no.

I would like.

No, I live in Riverdale.

But I was born in Three Forks.

Do you know where Three Forks is?

- It's on the Columbia River. - Oh I know.

Well, I left home when I was 14 years old.

Seriously? - Hmm-hmm.

I was a nervous brat.

Oh I know.

Hmm...

I think I better tell you something. - IT IS GOOD.

Um, I think people should be totally and totally honest with each other.

Oh well...

If I'm being totally and totally honest.

I want you...

something fierce.

I'm Pregnant.

Oh

Who was?

Why does everyone always ask this question first?

It's a really dumb question.

Why don't you ask me if I'm happy? - Was it Weaver?

Are you kidding?

He is my cousin.

And besides, I hate him.

It's nobody here.

Hmm.

It's... It's someone I'm married to, but I haven't seen him in months.

His name is David and I married him when I was 16 years old.

And I think I did it because I wanted to show my mom.

Hmm.

And the baby?

- Oh, well, that's another trip. Oh.

You will get it though. You will stay...

Of course, I will keep it.

I want to be a mother more than anything in the entire world.

And you cannot do this without a child.

Good morning mom.

Here is she. - Oh boy.

Sit there for me, will you? Will you sit a little longer?

There you are.

- OK, she has... - What did I do?

How do I do this?

Are you comfortable there? Beware of the...

Make sure you put your arm under her head.

Oh, Sam. - Beautiful.

Really?

Hold your arm under her head. Hold your arm under her head.

How does she know what to do?

Should I do this?

She is working hard right now.

She's going to sleep in a

minute and don't let her little nose

be touching something. - IT IS GOOD.

- I'll let you two get to know each other. - IT IS GOOD.

Wow.

She seems...

more or less like Adolf Hitler, don't you think?

Sam, this is terrible!

You Nazi.

Not.

She looks like David.

Oh

Good...

She is beautiful.

Yes, no, well, David... Speaking of David.

They gave me the birth certificate.

- It gave me... - Sam, put it back.

Yeah, well, they gave me the birth certificate to fill it out.

And, under the name, you know, where it said, where it said,

"Father's name",

I... Well, I didn't know David's last name, see. Then I...

So I put Sam Hayden.

This is... This is... Is everything okay?

Oh, Sam.

Wow.

That's right.

Hmm.

Hi, Dr. Wilde. - Hi.

Want some tapioca?

Looks delicious.

So as to!

Here it is.

You like it straight from the shoulder, don't you?

Tapioca, straight from the shoulder.

- You know what I mean. - IT IS GOOD.

You have something called osteogenic sarcoma.

It's a bone tumor.

Well, some tumors aren't that bad, right?

Right. This one is evil.

We need to stop immediately.

And I mean immediately.

Now, I've reorganized about 25 hours to be able to operate tomorrow.

You see.

Osteogenic sarcoma is a type of cancer that travels from the bones to the lungs.

If we don't stop it in the bone, we can't stop it in the lung.

- When it gets to the lung, I die, right? - Right.

And how do you get a bone tumor?

We took out the bone.

My leg?

Do you want to take my leg off?

It's the best way to get rid of cancer.

Not! Kate.

It's the best way to stop cancer.

Quickly, cleanly and permanently.

Look, why don't you sign and give it to the nurse?

What they say?

That you will give us permission to operate.

I have to talk to Sam. I'm not signing any documents saying you can cut my leg.

Did you see him in the hallway?

No, I didn't.

Well I have to talk to him.

Why is he never here when I need him?

Can I borrow a penny?

Hi. - It's about time.

- Why? - Why weren't you here?

What? - I needed you and you weren't here.

Wait a minute! - You're never here when I need you.

What are you talking about? I just got here.

Slow down, please, Kate?

Just tell me what's going on!

Please?

- What is happening? Shh! - They want to amputate my leg.

Tomorrow.

Oh come on.

Big joke, right, Sam? Let's split up.

I have to think.

I want to go to the mountains.

Hold on. What do they want to amputate your leg for?

Because it's full of cancer!

Calm down, but calm down.

This is something my mother taught me to say

when you find those little daily falls.

Calm down, but calm down.

Take it!

Dr. Wilde said some pretty heavy things back there.

Well, Dr. Wilde is a freak.

Yes, maybe we should find another doctor.

I do not want to talk about that.

You know, there have to be other types of treatment.

You know, there's this great cancer clinic in Vancouver.

Vancouver? - Yes.

Pair of a hundred miles. What is a few hundred miles?

Pair of a hundred miles? I want to stay there.

Just like that for the rest of my life.

So I'm happy and... Shut up!

Want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

I want some peace and quiet.

A peace and quiet on rye!

Oh no, no, no.

IT IS GOOD.

This is too much. Beautiful.

Oh

She weighs a ton.

OK so let's go tomorrow.

To the clinic.

I do not.

Peace!

Hello.

Oh what's your name? Or is this a multiple

choice, you can choose whatever you like.

It's David.

David?

David!

That can't be David. He doesn't have four heads and green, scaly skin.

- Why did you come here? - See my son.

She is not yours. She is mine.

Well, come in. Dine.

Be civilized.

Do you know how I found out about the baby?

Your mother told me about it.

It never occurred to you that I didn't know.

She's a little dense at times.

I signed the divorce papers.

You're only a year old, aren't you?

But I signed them before I met the child.

Jill Sam.

"The child" this, "the child" that. She has a name. Her name is Jill.

You don't need to tell him.

Jill Patricia Hayden.

Jill for her... Come here.

Jill for her paternal great-grandmother.

Patricia, Kate's sister.

And Hayden for me.

Yes.

You look like her, you know? Kate said you did when she was born.

Oh Here, do you want to hold it for me?

And I'm going to try to get Kate.

Now, it should be possible,

theoretically speaking, at least,

for two people to love each other and then not

love each other and we still talk to each other.

I mean, after all, they're still people.

They can still talk.

Still be honest with each other, aren't you? - Deal with the advance.

Forget the pain. Just as it was another exam to pass.

- You're wasting your breath. - No, no, no, my dear!

Never let this be said!

What a man who seeks love, peace and understanding.

♪ Be so humble ♪

In terms of scale, meaning missions in vain.

- What he is doing? - Nothing.

- He just looks like that. - Scary.

I like that.

Oh yeah, listen, I noticed when you

were driving that your car was full. Uh...

You're going somewhere.

Home and university.

I talked to a lawyer. - You like that, huh?

What are you studying?

Geology.

I talked to a lawyer.

Not telling me you were pregnant when you filed for

divorce is what they call an omission of a material fact.

Which means I don't have to give you a divorce.

And I can get custody of the child.

About my dead body.

Oh, what do you want her for anyway?

Dude, you don't look like the motherly type...

I'm not saying I want her, I'm saying I can have her.

I understand what you mean about this guy.

Frankly, I don't know why you want custody.

I don't know why you didn't have an abortion.

All I've heard from her for a year and a half is, "I'm stuck,

This is a mistake. Let me out.

I hate making your bed and ironing your shirts.

I hate responsibility. Any and all types of responsibility.

- I'm not ready. "- Stop this.

- And here you are, taking care of a house, - Shut up!

A man and his son. What happened?

I wear sweaters. - I grew up.

Yes of course. For five minutes.

Until some other lifestyle catches your imagination.

That's not really fair.

It's not really fair to raise a child with alfalfa sprouts and marijuana.

I'm not raising it with alfalfa sprouts and marijuana.

I'll give you a divorce if you give me the child.

- I'll lift it to the right. - Will you raise her?

My mother goes. You like her. - Your mother will!

-She'll create right, won't she? - I won't hear any more of this.

Then you will have everything you ever wanted. Freedom. A new beginning!

- No responsibilities! - Well, I'll tell you something.

Jill needs Kate.

And Kate needs Jill and I need both.

Now.

What does it take to make you understand this.

Let's go outside.

David, you are acting like a ten year old!

You stay out of it!

High Noonsville.

Before you throw a punch, David.

I just think I should tell you this...

People change.

The only thing Kate wants out of life right now is to be a good mother.

Well, "only", I say "only".

That's number one.

And number two is, she has cancer.

She is serious. - Yes.

How extensive is it?

They want to amputate her leg.

My God.

And the baby? And Jill?

Well, they'll heal if she has Jill, see.

They will have to. She won't let them.

Because Jill is not a burden to her.

She is not a restriction on her freedom. Jill is her life.

It's hers.

Thanks.

You are crazy.

♪ Yes, I've been dreaming about you every day ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ And I've been thinking about you all night ♪

♪ I even wrote a song ♪

♪ Just so you know how I really feel ♪

♪ To make you understand that my love is real ♪

♪ That you're on my mind all the time ♪

♪ I wish God... ♪

Is Sam Hayden there?

Well, if he shows up, will you tell him Kate called?

"Kate".

- IT IS GOOD. Thanks. - What are you doing here?

You shouldn't be awake. I told you to keep your weight off your knee.

Let's go. - How do they put a woman in charge

of the entire cancer section. Because it is impossible?

Because this is the children's ward.

Children who don't stay in bed when told to stay in bed.

- My ass is sore. - I'll ask them to bring you

- a fantastic crutch. - Can not wait.

Is Sam Hayden there?

Well, if he shows up, will you tell him Kate called?

No, I already tried that number.

I tried that number too.

Does not matter. OK?

Looks like you could use music, young lady.

I can't make any sensible decisions without you, Sam.

And you are never here.

And this morning, I was always walking around, getting on my nerves.

- In quotes. - Any idiot could have found out

that I didn't need you while I took my tests.

Oh

♪ Any idiot could have found out... ♪

Can you stop hiding behind that stupid guitar?

Listen, how long, how much more money do you think I

can borrow from my parents, Kate? I have to get a job.

You can get a job any day of the week you like.

Scrubbing the floor, washing the dishes.

Driving a truck. - Mmm.

- But you don't want a job. - Not me, right?

- Can I enter the room, please? - You just want to split up

of this whole scene. No, why don't you leave?

You can not handle.

I can not stand?

I've been sleeping at the foot of your bed since you entered the hospital.

I can not stand. - You can't sleep anywhere else for free.

I don't... I don't believe you.

What will you be?

When do you grow up, you fat old man?

Tall and beautiful blonde, huh?

Kate, don't let her breastfeed.

Bring me a bottle.

Why? Doctors in Spokane said everything was fine.

Because you have radioactive iodine in you from the tests.

- Now, get her off your chest... - I don't want to...

- can be passed in milk. - Wean her yet.

Do you want me to do that? Do you want me to do that?

I want you to leave.

"I need you. Why are you never here when I need you?"

Okay, sit down and all you have to do is hold her like you would breastfeed.

Can I get the bottle? Thanks.

All right, give her the bottle and don't get upset about her.

I can not do it. I still don't want to wean her.

- Do you want me to do that? - Not.

She is used to her chest.

She can carry her father's bottle better. Try it.

He is not her father. He is not my husband.

- He's just a street crawler. - I understand.

Well, alright then, let me try.

I suppose you didn't discuss your treatment with him either, did you?

- I just go out to laugh. - We realized.

The generally accepted way to treat

osteogenic sarcoma is by amputation.

You remove the cancerous part.

If it hasn't spread to other parts of the body, it's the best solution.

Yes, come.

He is not interested.

I'm very interested. Would you shut up?

The scanner showed that it had not spread. I think

this is amazing considering how long you've waited.

- You're not cutting my leg. May I continue?

The other possibility is radiation and chemotherapy.

Right, which will make my leg break and

my hair fall out and diarrhea and nausea.

Possibly, but I don't think you can compare

losing your hair to losing your leg, Kate.

Well it's a bad trip anyway.

So why don't we skip the whole thing?

This is suicide.

All these other horrible things she's going

to do to me and there are no guarantees.

There are no guarantees, but a little longer.

A little more time for this one.

That's what you wanted, I thought. Being a mother.

I don't know what I want anymore.

Except being left alone to figure things out.

Do you think this is happening to me because I was born on the 13th?

Or because I ran away from home?

Do you believe in retribution?

No one I know believes in... Ugh...

I don't want to be a temporary mom for a year or two.

I want to be a mother until I become a grandmother.

And I can't learn to walk on one leg

while Jill is learning to walk on two.

I will not go. It's not fair to Jill.

And what does all this mean in practical terms, Kate?

That means she wants to wake up tomorrow morning without cancer.

And three legs, please. Certainly no less than two.

Mmm.

All right. Then.

We will start radiation treatments in the morning.

Here it is.

IT IS GOOD. - IT IS GOOD.

Would you call a truce if I ordered two dinners?

Yes No.

I'm not hungry.

You behave.

Why is everything all tangled up all of a sudden?

I do not know.

Well I love you.

Did you forget that? - Not.

It's just that...

Come on, say it. Tell me, tell me.

I'm scared.

Oh I know.

I know you are scared. I'm scared too. Everyone is scared all the time.

Inside. Everyone. Ever.

Well, maybe she's wrong. Maybe there is someone else.

Elsewhere, who can give us a different answer.

Radiation. I don't want to be full of radiation.

I will be afraid to touch my son.

I'm afraid of contaminating it.

This is as bad as cutting my leg.

But I don't have the money to go anywhere else.

And you don't have time.

This is the best cancer hospital in the entire Northwest.

And Dr. Gillman is the boss of that.

At least that part. She has to know something. Right?

We just have to trust her, honey.

And each other.

I don't know, it looks like...

Ninety-nine percent of this whole weird scene is trust.

Who are you testing for this afternoon, Norman Vincent Peale?

All right. IT IS GOOD.

Now tell me to leave.

To go out. - Not.

Means.

I could not. Not in a million years. - Blah...

All right, good.

♪ Lady, are you crying? ♪

♪ The tears belong to me ♪

♪ Do you think that ♪

♪ Our time together is over ♪

Oh yeah. The divorce papers were in the mail this morning.

Wow! Where's the champagne?

I'm saving it for the wedding.

♪ I'm as close as possible ♪

Wedding?

In the future, I suppose.

Not tomorrow. After the first treatment.

♪ Just started ♪

Well, my mom used to give us shakes after the dentist.

This is real.

♪ Close your eyes and rest ♪

♪ Your tired mind ♪

- Are we getting married in the hospital? - Yes.

Yes.

No, Weaver and I met this guy at this audition.

And he studied to be a rabbi once.

Do you want to marry a quasi-rabbi?

My mom is going to freak out!

Oh no, he's beautiful, he's beautiful. He looks like Moses.

He is 30 meters tall.

Except the beard is shorter.

No, he will... He will keep me humble.

♪ It has become intertwined ♪

Hmm...

Are you serious.

♪ That You Could Know ♪

how much... ♪

That's great?

♪ I love you ♪

No, well, probably not.

No, but I will have a peace justice behind the scenes, just in case.

♪ I'm as close as possible ♪

How come now, huh?

I mean, marrying me is like betting on a three-legged horse.

- You can't win. - Oh, you can, though.

Yes you can.

If you have something weird for three-legged horses.

Oh, Sam!

♪ Lady, my sweet lady ♪

♪ I'm as close as... ♪

♪ And I... ♪

♪ Our time... ♪

Weaver...

Hey Sam. Did you get the ring?

Yes good.

Now come here. Right?

Place ring on right hand, index finger.

Beautiful women always fall in love with mute men.

Now, I said you put it in her right hand. Index finger.

You got it? - Yes.

OK, stay here.

Right here. Face her. Good.

Now, put it in your right hand, index finger. Beautiful.

Now you switch to L3.

It's ritual. Oh.

Come on, Weaver.

OK, now pay attention.

Because this is the heart of the whole thing here.

This is the heart. The soul. The foundation.

Now repeat with me.

Behold, you are consecrated to me by this ring.

And notice that consecrated means she becomes holy.

There is?

An object of reverence and utmost consideration. It's heavy stuff.

Hmm.

IT IS GOOD. Time to drink. Oh.

Weaver, a minor.

♪ Blessed are you, O Lord our God ♪

♪ Who created man and woman ♪

♪ Who created the earth and the sky ♪

♪ That's enough ♪

♪ Who created brotherhood and joy ♪

IT IS GOOD.

Step on it.

- You mean, break, break the glass? - Crush it. Let's go.

Ah...

Yee-haw!

And note, note.

As impossible as it is to put that cup back, then it's impossible

for the two of you to live apart from each other. There is?

You almost missed the whole thing, sleepy head.

Hey, sleepyhead.

A minor again?

♪ Bani, O Lord, sorrow and wrath ♪

♪ For the idiot to rejoice in the music ♪

♪ With the sanction of gifts, we will bless our God ♪

♪ In whose abode is joy By whose goodness we live ♪

Now repeat with me.

With feeling, if possible.

Blessed be our God.

Blessed be our God.

Higher. Let's go. In whose abode is joy.

In whose abode is joy!

It's better, it's fine.

By whose goodness we live.

By whose goodness we live.

In whose generosity we participate.

In whose generosity we participate.

Formidable.

Formidable!

It's not that.

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man who stopped the water ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea ♪

♪ Take a look at yourself ♪

♪ And you can look at others differently ♪

♪ Place your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man who stopped the water ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea ♪

♪ Take a look at yourself ♪

♪ And you can look at others differently ♪

♪ Place your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee ♪

Oh. Sam. - Welcome home.

- What is this? - Right here, with the screen

and dirty windows.

Oh, I have to go inside.

- No, it has internal plumbing. There is? Oh, Sam.

Hot and cold, oh yes. Hot and cold running water.

- There aren't many steps. - Oh, honey, don't cry.

Close enough to the hospital to walk when you're feeling

stronger, the whole beautiful world outside the living room door.

Uh? Uh?

- There's even a bay with sailboats. - Yes.

It's beautiful. Oh!

Oh, Sam.

- See the size of this kitchen. - Have more. There is so much more.

Oh, Sam.

But it's huge. - Yes.

Wow.

- But can we pay? IT IS GOOD. - Let me worry about it, please.

I know.

- We even have a john that works. - Yes.

The first thing I'm going to do is make a rug.

A rag rug and then I'll make a quilt.

My grandmother taught me how to do it about 100 years ago.

I love that!

Hi.

Hi. I thought you kids needed food.

It's chicken and herbs, the baby will...

Oh, this is the baby.

Ah...

Oh hey she is so beautiful.

Yeah what's her name?

Jill Jill

Right. I know you are really busy.

But hey, if you want to go out, leave the baby with me.

I'll take good care of Jill. I'm really going. I really love kids.

And if you need anything, step on the floor because

I live in the basement. It's like a basement.

Oh, I'm Nora. See you later.

Your friends?

Well, she lives downstairs and runs a psychedelic shop, I think.

Hi Dad. And then, up there, there's a

family of Romanians with a trampoline.

They run an academy.

Oh you will love this.

You'll love it.

You are going to...

What? - Uh...

- Which? Do you want a pillow? A little bit of water? - No, just touch me something. OK?

- No... Are you su... Are you... Yes? Uh-huh.

Just play me a song.

IT IS GOOD. Wait.

I have one for you.

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ On my shoulders makes me happy ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Almost always gets me high ♪

That was close.

AND...

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ In the water ♪

♪ It looks so adorable ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Almost always ♪

♪ Gets me high ♪

Oh!

♪ If I had a song ♪

♪ I could sing for you ♪

♪ I would sing a song ♪

♪ Sure to make you smile ♪

I didn't know if you would sing that phrase.

Me neither. No no no no.

♪ If I had one... ♪

Oh, what's wrong?

♪ One wish ♪

♪ I could wish for you ♪

♪ I would make a wish ♪

♪ Take me home, country roads ♪

♪ Gather it ♪

Mistress from Minas Gerais, stranger to blue water ♪

♪ I love you all night long ♪

♪ And it's goodbye again ♪

♪ I'm sorry I left you ♪

♪ Goodbye again ♪

♪ Like you haven't... ♪

Kate, Kate.

- Oh, no, hey, okay. - Can you watch it?

♪ There is a fire in the corner Slowly dying ♪

♪ I saw a lot of sun, I went out in the rain ♪

♪ Then it's night or two on your own ♪

♪ so adorable ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Almost always gets me high ♪

♪ If I... ♪

Hi mommy!

♪ ...song I could sing ♪

♪ Sunshine all the time ♪

Shut up!

How can you sing when I'm throwing up?

How can you throw up when I'm singing?

I can not avoid. It's the pills. You know it.

Well, Christians always sang before being thrown to the lions.

Do you know. It seemed like a good thing to do in the face of adversity.

Adversity, oh wow.

Well well you are laughing. This is better than before.

I can't keep my food on the table. I can not sleep

My hair is coming out in handfuls and

you want me to laugh at your sick jokes?

I am a bad joke.

- Then laugh at yourself. I can not!

It's better than crying.

I'm not crying!

They can't even find a good vein

to place the damn shots anymore!

They will have to put it in my temple next time.

Oh, it's a revolt. It's a laugh for a minute.

I assume you just left Jill.

Jill, what are you doing?

Hi mommy.

Bad girl! Bad girl!

Bad girl! You are a bad girl!

Not Sam.

Ow. Not!

Dad.

Dad.

- Sam... - I have to call Jill.

Talk to me. - In one minute.

Sam... - In a minute.

Come, come, come.

I am really sorry. - Yes.

Well, why don't we all go to the park or something?

Will rain.

It's hot outside. The sun is shining.

Jill?

Come give Mommy a kiss.

Not!

Kate, please, please?

- I'm not going to this stupid park. Kate, please.

I will not compete with you for my baby.

Nobody is competing.

She's mine, Sam. To remember?

You are stealing her from me.

She's the only thing in the world that's totally mine.

I know what you are doing.

I also know what I'm doing.

I am taking care of another man's child 24 hours a day.

That's what I'm doing.

you are teaching her to hate me

- OK mother? -... so that when I die...

- Yes. -... she won't have so many problems.

You can marry any old man. Any old movie will be better than Mom!

I've already made my decision.

I'm not going to therapy anymore.

I hate that. You're just out of breath.

If you don't exercise this leg every day, you will lose use of it.

Radiation weakens muscles along with cancer.

- Between treatments you have to be... - It hurts.

Of course it hurts.

If it hurts too much, take the painkillers.

I don't want to take the painkillers anymore. They mess with my head.

Do you want to use your leg, Kate?

I don't even want to live.

Oh, you must be a man and have about 200 children.

You would be the best mom in the world.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I have 350 kids here.

- And you're my eldest. - It's harder.

- I know. - Right now. Right now.

I'll give you Jill.

You are kidding.

No, I'm not.

Get me out of everything.

Pain pills, cancer pills, doses.

Radiation takes me away from everything.

Or take my son.

I could do that, maybe, if it didn't mean throwing up

three times a day or throwing my hair down the toilet.

But I can't keep doing what I'm doing with Sam and Jill.

It's going to get better, really.

Your system will get used to this.

Sam understands.

Jill no.

Jill can't.

- All she knows is that her mother... - Excuse me. Yes. I'm busy.

You can call me back. Yes.

All she knows is that her mom is yelling at her 25 hours a day.

She never used to cry.

Now she cries all the time.

She cries in her sleep.

She cries when she wakes up.

She bites her nails. She has nightmares.

And when I see her in the middle of the night, she screams.

All I really wanted was to have a child.

A girl And raise her the way I should have been raised.

With nothing but love and freedom.

No shoes. No clothes. No puritanical ethics.

No anger.

No rules

So she could...

be open to sun and snow and mountains

and rain and just know how to love

and it's terribly difficult when you've never been loved.

When all you... When all you

know is people yell at you and...

tell you how bad you are.

Don't just sit there.

Why don't you write some of this?

- A little of what? - What you just said.

And more.

You could write letters to Jill.

You know, tell her things... that you would do while she was growing up.

Oh for sure. - Not even.

Really.

You could anticipate her questions.

Do you know? Hmm...

What she was going to ask when she was six.

Things you would say to her then.

Nothing. You have now everything when you are six years old.

IT IS GOOD.

How about when you're ten or sixteen?

I do not know.

Well, of course I did.

We will see...

Um, and the pimples?

IT IS GOOD. Here it is. There is a.

- You know about pimples, right? - Yes, I know that.

OK and let's see, what else could you tell her?

Boys?

Yes, you could tell her about boys and things

you like, like trees, grass and mountains, rain.

The seasons. Constancy.

Oh, there are so many. You can tell her about love.

- Why? - Then she would know you.

And who you were and how you feel about her.

I don't know how to type.

- Well, then serious. - What should I buy

a recorder with? Meal ticket?

No, I can do better for you than that.

Well, you certainly know how to change the subject.

Well, you have a life to get over.

As well as a death.

And I can't do that using drugs.

Let me get the tapes for this.

Now look, Kate.

We have another drug.

It's still in the experimental stage.

I just want to stop taking what I'm taking right now.

I know.

It has been quite successful in preventing secondary cancers in animals.

The experiments have been going on for two years.

- But they didn't finish. - Two years?

Is it depressive? - Not.

- Does it make you vomit? - Doesn't make monkeys vomit.

Fantastic. - Now wait just a minute.

Fairly successful means seventy percent.

Thirty percent of the animals have already died.

- It's not a miracle, Kate. - 70% is more than half a chance.

It's simply a replacement for what you are right now.

One that might not give you that much trouble, that's all.

It's... it's experimental. This could give you more problems.

It's a long shot. There are no guarantees.

I don't want... I don't want any guarantees.

Who says you won't get hit by a truck on your way to kindergarten.

Or have a man Sam or a son like Jill.

I don't want any guarantees.

When I say two years, that doesn't mean... Kate, listen to me.

- That doesn't mean that... - I don't want any guarantees!

Two years! I was born lucky.

I can write War and Peace in two years.

Jill will be four in two years! I remember when I was four years old.

I went to the zoo!

Kate, please listen to me. Now I have more to say. Now wait.

Kate, you have to let me finish.

Sam?

Ah...

Sam, are you here?

Uh...

Hello recorder, can you hear me?

Let's go.

Hi, Dr. Gillman. Hi Jill.

Hello World!

Ah...

I love you.

Hello Doctor Gillman. Hi Jill.

Hello World!

Ah...

I love you.

Sam!

Somebody!

I have a lot to write.

And so many things to say to someone who will listen,

I do not know where to start.

♪ A C, back to G, G again ♪

♪ With a sharp bass for E minor ♪

♪ C again ♪

Sam! - There is?

Where is my recorder?

It's right here, in the... in the rocking chair.

It's absolutely weird having a crush on a machine, but I really love it.

Anything that makes you as happy as you've been

for the past two weeks can't be that bad, Kate.

Even if it's a machine.

Oh, it's a journey. Definitely a trip.

Yes, an ego trip is what it is.

Ego-shmeego, man.

Anything that satisfies you is an ego trip.

Even dying.

Oh, this is funny. - Weaver, sit down.

Thank you very much because.

Hey Sam? Sam? Can we rehearse, please? Hey, who invited you?

- Let them clean. - Sam, continue now. I do the dishes.

Continue now.

Not!

♪ ...sadness in your eyes ♪

♪ The stars are silently changing ♪

♪ The night is almost over ♪

Kate.

We have company, Sam. We will talk about this later.

You are not taking your pills.

They make me just as sick as the others.

So how many did you take? You haven't given your body a chance to get used to them.

- What did you take? Two or three? Ten!

Ten? - Ten days.

- That should be enough. - She didn't give the other pills

- a chance to work. - They made me dizzy

after all, Sam!

Dizzy? What does the fool have to do with it?

I can't take care of Jill. I can't think. I fall.

I can't work on the book.

That book! Is this book more important to you than living?

Yes!

Sam.

Now, look, if it's right for Kate, it's right.

You know, it's not really up to you, me or

her doctor to tell her how to live her life.

If it's right for Kate, it's right.

Hmm-hum. Hmm-hum.

Yeah, what about me and Jill?

No. She is not taking the pills, she is not taking anything.

She doesn't even want to go into radiation treatments anymore.

ME...

Yeah, no, yeah man, I know the consequences!

I'm the one...

Yes.

Yes, she knows. We talked.

We talked and talked until I spoke.

So, you see, now I'm handing it over to you.

AND...

Yes.

You have to have time, you're the one who gave her the damn machine...

Listen, they have to give you five minutes

at some point in the day for lunch, right?

So here we go. Let's share a can of spam or something.

When I started the book,

I realized that the length of your

life doesn't make any difference.

It's the quality, not the quantity.

Well maybe with your medications

I can live to be 360 ​​years old.

And maybe without them, ok, I'm going to die... sooner.

Like, tomorrow maybe.

Maybe a few months. Enough time to leave a booklet...

A part of me for Jill. Even for Mr. Grouch's face.

Here's the little gift I promised you. Thanks, Sam.

- It's your decision, Kate. - The decision does not depend on her.

She likes to play Camille.

- I'm not. - Don't you see it?

I just know the kind of life I want to live.

Yes, without any consideration for anyone else.

What do you mean, "Without any consideration for anyone else"?

Kate, there has to be an understanding that if you

give up drugs and if you give up radiation treatment

you will have absolutely no chance of stopping the cancer.

And it grows very fast.

How fast is too fast?

How fast is fast? That's not the point. How can you ask that?

Didn't you hear what she said?

With medication, you have a chance to live.

A chance. A ten to twenty percent chance of living five years as a vegetable.

I want you to live! Jill wants you to live!

I can't live on medication, Sam.

That's what I'm trying to say.

So they're going to find a cure for cancer, right?

I mean, thirty years ago you died of diphtheria, pneumonia and polio.

Today it's cancer.

They will find a cure for cancer at any time.

In zero to five years?

It's possible.

But the odds?

I cannot accept this bet.

- You have to bet. - And die after five years

after making everyone unhappy, including me.

What for, Sam?

How fast will it spread if I don't take the drug?

It's impossible for me to predict this.

Well I won't die tomorrow, will I?

I mean, I'll have some time before it gets to my lungs.

And then again, some time before he killed me.

And until then...

I won't feel much worse than I do now, will I?

You will feel a lot worse in the end.

But until then...

Weaker perhaps, but not noticeably.

Watch?

That's enough time.

Enough time?

Enough time? Enough time for what? To be a wife? Being a mother?

To... see the world? Experience everything there is to experience?

"Enough time"? Sam.

Sixty years is not enough time for me!

Yes, but you don't have a recorder.

I don't... I don't believe any of this!

Sam.

It's not as cut and dry as you might think.

Without medication, she will surely die.

And within a short period of time.

With medication, she will likely die too.

But not so soon.

Osteogenic sarcoma is very rare,

And we don't have much of a chance to work with that.

And very deadly.

So whenever we have a case, we just don't have a lot of time.

Yeah, well... - Sam, listen to me.

And some people react so adversely to medication that

the difference between dying soon and dying sooner,

it has no meaning to them.

Well, in my opinion... No, you wait... - Just a minute. Just a minute.

Maybe it's better to die with

purpose and dignity, even if it's sooner.

Good...

In my opinion, you are committing suicide.

And you are a murderer.

He loves dramatic exits.

Does he do this often? He will return?

This matters?

Feeling sorry for myself.

I like it sometimes.

Like now, because I'm alone.

Because I'm dying.

I like being a martyr.

At least it gives me something to be.

I love you mom.

♪ There is a fire in the corner slowly dying ♪

♪ Sometimes I don't feel like continuing ♪

♪ And I still know it's worth more than the wait ♪

♪ For another chance To see the summer sun ♪

♪ Let's shine on me ♪

Yee-haw!

♪ There is a fire in the corner slowly dying ♪

♪ Sometimes I just don't feel like going on ♪

♪ And I still know it's worth more than the wait ♪

♪ For another chance To see the summer sun ♪

♪ Let's shine on me ♪

OK, we have to decide.

- If we go "yee-haw"... The "bop-bop-do"...

No one answers the phone in this place?

Yes?

Uh...

Are you going to take the pills or not?

That's not... That's not the question. Just answer the question.

No, if you take the pills, I'll come back. It's as simple as that. That's easy.

Oh, don't come now, I don't want to hear this crap anymore, Kate.

Just, you go or not, right?

Right. IT IS GOOD. Goodbye.

Who was that?

Wrong number.

Hi Hi.

I'll put the rest of this out for you, doctor.

Thank you Mary.

How's Jill?

Thriving.

Good.

Oh I have something for you.

I thought you wouldn't give me these these

unless I went to therapy. - No, I wouldn't do that to you.

It looks worse.

Yes, doctor, yes.

But the chest X-ray was negative.

- It didn't spread to my lungs. - Is correct.

So the fact that the knee is worse isn't really significant, is it?

Who are we kidding, me or you?

It was worth trying.

Where is Sam holding himself these days or you don't know?

Of course I know.

He's staying at a place called O'Brien's

in Western and 66th. - Mmm.

- But don't waste your time. - Let me take a look at that knee.

It's so ugly. I should have cut it.

Do you miss Sam a lot?

Jill does.

And if you?

Yes.

What days does Sam work at O'Brien's?

Works? He doesn't work there.

He will only practice there during the day.

- But like I said, don't waste your time. - Of course not.

♪ To take a while ♪

♪ And it's goodbye again ♪

♪ I'm sorry I left you ♪

♪ But goodbye again ♪

♪ As if you didn't know ♪

♪ Goodbye again ♪

♪ And I wish you could tell me ♪

♪ Why we always fight ♪

♪ When I have to go ♪

It is very good. Hi, doctor.

Well well well. If Marcus Welby is not in danger.

Sam? Could I talk to you a minute?

Not.

- Aren't you going to talk to her? - No, we're rehearsing.

That's what's happening now.

- Right? IT IS GOOD. - Aren't you going to talk to her?

Are you afraid?

There's nothing I really want to talk to you about. That is all.

I see.

Well then you'll have to put up with me.

Because there are some things I want to talk to you about.

Your wife. Your responsibilities. Your humanity. Or your lack of it.

You're letting her kill herself and you're

talking to me about my lack of humanity?

Why did you marry her? You knew she had cancer.

- Why did you marry her? - He's a bit of an idiot.

Is this your business?

I loved her. - Well, you still don't love her?

I, well... I don't know. I really do not know.

No, no, he doesn't. And if we are all satisfied,

- we would like to rehearse. - Why don't you stay out of it?

- Hey, let's get something to eat, huh? - I'm not hungry.

I'm hungry.

No, wait a minute. We are still rehearsing. Everything on stage...

Sam! - Look, all I know is,

is that I can't see her not fighting.

I realize it's terminal.

I know it wouldn't do any good to fight.

- You... Do you want some of that? - Not.

But I want her to. I mean, I would. If it were me.

Yeah, well it's not you. It's her.

She's dying her way.

- And she has a right. - But she's accepted.

She's given up. And she wants my approval for that.

And I can't give it to her. I just can't break into it.

Wait and see how Ivy grows, Jill.

It grows very fast.

Let's put it near the window, okay?

It will be very... very sunny.

It will be perfect. We can tie it up with string.

Right. We can tie it up with string, it'll frame the window

and it will be very beautiful.

Very leafy.

I'm wet, Mom.

My God, wet pants.

Bring me some pants, okay?

I tried to write a poem for Jill today,

But all I could think about was the sun.

Beautiful sun.

If I had a piano, I could play a lullaby for Jill.

A blues lullaby.

Hi Mom. It's Kate...

How are you?

People have been nice, but there's no one I can cry with.

No one to touch me. Nobody says it's okay.

Is dad there?

No one to comfort me and listen to my self-pity.

I'm so tied up inside it hurts.

I wish my sister could come down.

You should see her. She is growing like a weed.

It's just that if I were a grandmother,

I would be a little more interested in my grandson.

No, I'm not criticizing it, Mom.

Sam is fine.

No, he's not here right now.

Why?

He's rehearsing, I suppose, I don't really know.

He's right, Mom. I don't know exactly where he is.

OK? Pleased?

Just a few weeks.

He just... He just has a hard time, Mom.

Knee and all, not getting a job.

Mom, if you keep this up, I'm going to hang up.

No, I don't need anything.

Yes I want. I need Pat. Could you send her here for a weekend?

What kind of trouble is she going to get into,

helping me take care of Jill and clean the house?

It doesn't matter, Mom.

It was really great talking to you, I had forgotten what a sweetheart you are.

Yes. Now I won't miss you anymore.

Hey, tootie.

Who is he?

Bob Dylan.

Hi.

Making love to your recorder?

It's a good alternative.

Do not get mad.

And don't go out when things get tough.

- It's not bullheaded. This is not stupid. - Wow.

I certainly hope you two are very happy together.

This guy was around O'Brien.

When the pound arrived, I told him he was his.

- I came to pick up all your garbage, didn't I? - Yes.

It's a weird time to move in, isn't it?

Jill is sleeping.

So it's easier.

Much easier.

I'll shut up too if you want.

It doesn't make much difference one way or the other.

No. I am immune to you.

What is the cat's name?

Gypsy.

Is this symbolic or something?

No, it's descriptive.

He likes me He will stay with me.

He's dumb. He can.

I miss you and all his malicious comments.

Yes, and I miss him.

And your death wish.

It's gone. - Right. Right.

Not even. It's really. It's gone.

Are you going to take drugs?

Let's go to the mountains.

You and me and Jill.

It's really nice up there now.

I miss talking to you.

I miss making love to you too.

But what about cancer, Kate?

Let's go. What are we going to do about cancer?

Live with it.

Not.

You're asking me to watch you die, baby. I can not do it.

I need you.

I'm begging you.

I'm not asking you to die with me,

I'm not asking you to stay until the end.

I'm just asking you to live with me.

Everyone knows that a cat doesn't

stay at home where someone is dying.

Stay while the gypsy stays.

OK?

Finally.

Peace within me.

Summer is over and autumn is my time.

My poetry. I love that.

Virgin in September and change of leaves,

falling and scrambling and falling to the ground.

The smell of the sun and the dying grass,

the light filtering through the branches.

In autumn, the sun is in the peaceful position.

So it's time for warm shirts and football, touching and loving.

Oh, I love it so much!

Where the hell were you?

Can you help me out of the car, please?

Daughter in law! - We had an audition. To remember?

I mean, we almost had a job. Except you weren't here.

I had to go to the mountains.

What do you mean you had to go to the mountains?

Without telling anyone?

Are you going to cool down, Weaver? We just got back.

Did you know we had an audition, what are you trying to do?

You've just become Mr. Irresponsible and it's really getting me down.

- How's the big C doing, Kate? - You cool down, I said!

- Be nice! -...better until you get here!

Okay, you better run back to the mountains

and recover from the nasty old Weaver.

You are nasty.

- Nora, you give me the... - I mean, old man...

on the table. -...no need to work.

Oh yeah. Right.

And, you know, it's really true. It's really.

Nothing is more important to you than dying.

Here it is.

I mean, you don't have hospital bills. Or you don't pay rent.

Or buy food. Or gasoline. And Jill never outgrows her shoes.

- Jill never wears shoes. - This is funny.

Oh! Leave it, gypsy. Gipsy.

I tell you, I wish I had parents I could drink.

So big, Weaver.

See you later.

It's wine time.

Wine? No thank you.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Weaver.

It's so pathetic, the guys they took.

Keith Wilder and Gordon Matthews.

You know we're better than them.

I know we would have gotten the job if we were there.

Thanks. If Kate hadn't dragged you...

It's just... it's my fault. Just leave Kate out of this.

- Yes, I did. I'm sharing. - Good.

The group. Mommy.

I have to make money.

- Sam will do better as a bachelor. - Dad.

- He won't do anything as a bachelor. - That's good, honey.

That is great. You really know how to bring a guy out.

Do you know what I mean, Weaver?

I don't know what you need money for.

You eat all our food. And drink all our wine.

Well, you destroyed my life. I might as well like you for something.

Why do you think I won't do this as a single?

Because he's jealous.

He's a nerd and he knows no one is going to pay to see a nerd.

I love you too.

No, because you don't work anymore, even when we're here, you don't work.

Remember the hours we used to put in at the beginning.

I mean night after night, all night long.

It just doesn't mean enough to you. Music no.

- That's a stupid lie. - No, it is not. It is the truth.

So what are you going to do now on your own?

I do not know.

I was...

I was selling stuff until I found you. Do you know?

You know, Kate, being in the hospital all the time. You have access.

What about this? I mean, being in the family, you owe it to me.

That's really not very funny, man.

It wasn't supposed to be terribly funny.

Ah...

So you should probably get out of my house.

- Are you talking to me? - I'm talking to you, man.

You should probably get out of my house.

Mmm... Well, I would like to, but I think I'd rather stay and toast you, John Wayne.

Go to our house, man.

Ah!

And don't come back until you're ready to apologize to my wife, Pilgrim.

Right?

That's exactly right, yes.

Do not hold your breath.

Watch out for all that glass there.

It's so cute with Sam now.

It's better than ever.

You should listen to his music, it's really cool.

Mmm.

In fact, they auditioned today. He should be here soon.

Has he gotten the adoption papers for Jill yet?

No. He hasn't even signed up yet.

Why?

Here it is.

- How long does that leave me? - Not a lot.

Well, weeks, months, days?

Oh hello. I'm sorry I'm late, man.

I... I was looking for Gypsy all morning.

I didn't even make it to the audition.

The minute you left, she ran away.

What?

Because he knew.

She's in the lung.

Kate.

Kate.

Mmm.

Daughter in law.

Mmm.

In between.

Do you leave your door unlocked like this all the time?

Mmm.

Sam? - Yes.

Is Kate okay?

Oh, she's fine. She is cool. She is sleeping upstairs.

Oh. Hi. - Hi.

Turn on the light. In between.

Oh yes, well, the problem is that I wanted...

I needed someone to talk to. Watch?

So the reason is that...

We got the job.

We got the job as a loving mother at O'Brien's.

So we start tomorrow night. Two nights a week at O'Brien's.

Oh, Sam, that feels so good.

Hand me that shawl over there from the horse?

Yes. - Then tell me.

Yes, it was Weaver. All this time, I thought Weaver had gone home.

But all this time, he's been talking to

them at O'Brien's house about real work.

And they hire us. They really hire us. Yes.

Congratulations. Yes, God.

O'Brien's. Do you have any idea who started at O'Brien's?

No. - Neither do I.

Oh no. It's horseback riding.

It's Hayden on the stretch.

♪ Look around ♪

♪ High grass ♪

♪ It's the spring of my life ♪

♪ I will die ♪

♪ In the cold damp night ♪

I run silently and quickly to my departure

I wish I had a piano.

I would play the blues.

We will have a house in the Hollywood Hills

with lots of pools and lots of horses.

No, I know a lot of stars

and that's what everyone does all the time. - Is that what they do?

Yes.

- What is it? - What is what? What?

- Why are you laughing? - Why are you laughing?

Me? I'm laughing because I'm so glad you got the job.

Ah...

Well, come here then.

Sam...

No, I'm having trouble hearing

Sam, did you hear me? - Hmm?

We're not going to make a habit of it.

Sorry I can't hear a word you say.

Hey.

Everything is alright.

Wow, you smell like lavender.

She smells of death.

And I want to make things better between Sam and me again.

I know the best way to do this is... make love the way we used to.

But I can not.

It hurts so much.

How are you?

Hi Hi.

What time is it?

It's pretty late.

We got the job.

We stayed up late to rehearse tonight.

- You got the job. Yes, two nights a week.

It's fabulous. Ah...

You smell like lavender.

That's nice.

I love you dad.

Drink. - Of course, he gets paid.

He's in a union. They have to pay him. It's a regular job.

You sit here, dear.

Well, if it's your business, he gets paid a lot.

Please stop trying to run my life, Mom.

Hi This is King Kong speaking.

Yes. Want to know how much money I earn? No, I'll tell you how much money I make.

$4,000 per week.

There is? No, we are about to move into this amazing mansion.

If you're good, maybe, maybe we'll invite you.

Oh yeah. no, don't call us. We'll call you.

Goodbye. Hmm-hum. Hmm-hum.

That should hold her for a while.

That was a different kind of kiss.

It's just that I'm taller than a kite now.

Did you realize in six hours that we've reached the big moment?

I know. I wish I could be there.

Oh, but you will be there.

Jill just got over the cold. - No no no.

Let's drop Jill off somewhere and you come with me.

I want to go to the park.

What's happening?

Nothing is happening. I just want you with me. That is all.

What's wrong with that?

Dad.

What's wrong with that?

Sam, are you kidding?

"Joking".

"Joking".

Are you having an affair?

You just can't stand anyone else taking center stage, can you?

That wasn't the question.

Dad?

Someone is calling you.

- Dad? - The answer is obviously no.

Absolutely, categorically not.

Sam, it's okay.

Does not matter.

Babysitter.

Daughter in law.

Yes?

Daughter in law. Yes I am coming.

Arriving. Arriving. Arriving.

Hello Hey.

- Oh, Sam, isn't it great? So beautiful. - Oh yeah.

Kate said that she just had a cold and that

she should probably go to bed very early.

Right. I will do. - IT IS GOOD.

IT IS GOOD.

Do you want to login?

No, it's better not.

Well you are fine. - Yes?

Yes I like that. Going back is great too.

Yes Yes.

See you tomorrow?

It's difficult.

Yes, but it doesn't have to be.

Not while your head is in the right place.

Go break a leg, man.

- Continues. Get out of here. OK yes. IT IS GOOD. Right.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Understand. - Ow.

All right. All right. Boy, are you alright?

Yes OK.

Wow.

Hey! Where were you?

It's about time.

Yes, you would take my guitar, it's on the bus.

We were supposed to continue half an hour ago.

I am really sorry. - Sorry.

Pull up a chair, sit down. Wait, wait, wait.

This is Tori. Tori, this is Sam and Kate.

Will you be okay here?

Um, I prefer to sit. I can listen too.

You know, just ask the man. He'll give you another beer.

Sam...

Ladies and gentlemen.

- We have to meet later. - Right.

You bet. You bet.

Right after the show!

Hi!

Can you hear me back there?

Listen, if you could calm down...

Can I have your attention please?

Hello?

- Somebody? Hello? - Let's go! I can't hear myself drinking!

Yes.

Hey, what's going on? I haven't seen you in so long!

♪ Ms. ♪

♪ Are you crying? ♪

♪ Do the tears belong to me? ♪

♪ You thought our time together ♪

♪ All gone? ♪

♪ Lady, you were dreaming ♪

♪ I'm as close as possible ♪

♪ And I swear to you ♪

♪ Our time is beginning ♪

They are not good.

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ And rest your tired mind ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ I'll be right here by your side ♪

♪ Today, our lives come together ♪

♪ It has become intertwined ♪

♪ And I wish ♪

♪ That You Could Know ♪

♪ how much I love you ♪

♪ Lady, are you happy? ♪

Do you feel like me? ♪

♪ There are meanings ♪

♪ May you never ♪

♪ Seen before? ♪

♪ Ms. ♪

♪ My sweet lady ♪

♪ I just don't believe it's true ♪

♪ It's like I never ♪

♪ I've loved it before ♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ And rest your tired mind ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ I'll be right here by your side ♪

♪ Today, our lives come together ♪

♪ It has become intertwined ♪

♪ And I wish you could know ♪

♪ how much I love you ♪

♪ Oh my lady ♪

♪ Are you crying? ♪

♪ Do the tears belong to me? ♪

♪ Do you think that ♪

♪ Our time together ♪

♪ All gone? ♪

♪ Lady, my sweet lady ♪

♪ I'm as close as possible ♪

♪ And I swear to you ♪

♪ Our time is beginning ♪

Clap your hands, you drugs.

IT IS GOOD.

Wasn't that amazing? - Yes.

At first I thought they would never listen.

And then I thought, they were never going to clap.

What a show!

What an amazing show. There is?

Well, should I go down and get Jill or what?

What time is it? - It's 2:30.

- Then we should leave her. - IT IS GOOD.

Sam. Mmm?

My recorder, where... Where is it?

The door was open.

- And I always lock the door. Oh, Sam.

Two three four.

Is everyone ready now? Jack, are you ready?

We are ready.

We are rolling.

Kate, eighth interview in her apartment.

So far, everyone knows Kate Hayden.

You know what she went through.

What happened to her, what

happened to her hospital tapes.

Can we hold? Wait. Wait just a minute, please.

Mrs. Hayden, do you think we could bring the child here with you?

Jill? come here.

Beautiful.

That's exactly it.

well i stopped... i stopped taking drugs or anything

be it... or anything else for cancer because a...

they screwed up my head and i couldn't say what i wanted to say

and I couldn't leave the book I wanted to leave her.

So they expect me to die pretty soon.

And that's really hard to say,

because suddenly there is nothing left for her.

I suppose whoever took my tapes

and recorders...

Recorder, um... is watching,

but if you are, please, um,

send me back the used tapes.

They are not good for you anyway.

Mrs. Hayden, the station has authorized me to introduce you to this new recorder

and a dozen reels of tape. - Thanks.

Jill...

If you feel the need to talk to someone, honey,

- Come to this book. - More mail!

- Are you ready for this? - Written words can't help much,

but at least you'll know how

much I would have cared.

For what was wrong.

I love you so much baby.

I got it.

Hello?

No, no. This is a friend of hers, can I help you?

I wish I could be with you when you're old enough to read this.

No, she can't be on the phone right now, can I get a message?

I wonder what the world will be like then.

She is in the bathroom.

Yes. Papaya juice?

Yes I understood. IT IS GOOD.

Yes, I will make sure she understands.

Thank you very much. Bye Bye.

This one says papaya juice, beetroot, soy oil in a blender.

Six times a day for six weeks.

People. God bless them.

Remember that sex is a role,

and love is an emotion.

Don't just sleep with any man for sex.

Because when you're in love, there's a give and take bond.

It's so important, Jill.

If any kind of relationship is going to survive.

Well, East Germany has the cure today.

Tomorrow I think it will be Red China, right?

Well, listen to this. - Hmm. What?

"God has a reason for everything, Mrs. Hayden.

Examine your soul, find your sin.

Because you really committed a terrible..."

I'll miss you, Sam.

The way you touch me and comfort me when I'm sad.

And the way you smile.

And the way you dance when you're happy.

I cannot die and leave you.

Who will clean the bathroom? Who will clean the oven?

What's your problem, God?

My family is not a bunch of Boy Scouts who

can figure all this stuff out for themselves.

That's what you taught me to do.

That's why I'm here.

God, you are some kind of idiot!

To pull something like that.

What do you get?

I just don't understand.

Jill is a beautiful little girl who needs a mother to love her.

I'm in the mood now, like death.

I come so close at night.

Are you okay, Mom?

What? Where? What? What?

Can't you breathe? Can't you breathe?

My mom took us to the Seattle Zoo.

And we were feeding the elephants, Pat and me.

We ran out of peanuts and popcorn and they were still hungry

so I grabbed my white sandals on my feet and threw them on.

Pat thought it was a great idea and started taking all of her clothes off.

and throw them, but Mom stopped her.

Oh, I hated those stupid sandals anyway.

At Christmas time, we used to collect pine cones

for an old lady. I think it was,

I think it was Ms. Seewald,

Mrs. Seewald, who made wreaths for the church.

She died before age ten.

♪ I remember being with you ♪

I remember dreaming about you ♪

I remember loving you ♪

♪ You were mine ♪

♪ And now the day seemed so long ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ And I can't face the night alone ♪

♪ I beg you, please ♪

♪ Can't you come home? ♪

Sam?

Hey!

Hi.

Hi, sweet lady. How are you feeling?

Nothing hurts anymore.

It's heaven to breathe without hurting.

In this case.

I brought my competition.

Sam.

I wish I had a piano.

Then I could play a lullaby for Jill.

A blues lullaby.

How I wish I were in the mountains.

I hope you put me there.

Sam?

It's me, darling.

- Where's Sam? - He had to go to work.

- And Jill is with the people upstairs. - I keep dreaming about her.

Oh, Kate. Hey.

Don't worry about Jill. She will be fine.

You know, she's a tough girl.

I worry about her all the time.

There is no necessity. There are many people who love her and who would take care of her.

- Do you think they'll put her in an orphanage? - Not.

Now why would they want to do something like that?

And Sam, Sam won't...

Abandon her?

I do not know.

She's not really his.

Why should he stay with her for the rest of his life?

After all this with me.

Oh, it's enough.

When I go, he should be able to leave.

If he accepts, I'll take Jill. If you want.

Well, it's between you and Dr. Gillman.

She's so busy all the time.

- So I win by default, right? - You know what I mean.

Kate... Kate, I would lift you fine anyway.

Sam's parents will try to get her.

Or my parents.

And I don't want them to have it.

It's really important to me.

You know, I don't know anything about cool stuff...

But you know...

Maybe if you put it on tape,

so if there is any annoyance, it will not be my word against theirs.

What is it about me that bothers you, Kate?

You are messy.

Yes, I'm messed up.

But tidy mothers raise neurotic daughters.

Yes. My mother was dressed up.

You've been sleeping with Sam.

No more.

It wasn't such a terrible thing to do under these circumstances, was it?

I do not think so.

It's just that I don't want Jill...

Created by a loose woman?

Loose and messy.

This is very stuffy and middle class, my dear.

Excuse. - Not.

I intended to put all the things I made for Jill in a cedar chest.

- The quilt and things. - Yes I know.

I'll do it.

- And if the tapes show up... - I'll have them typed and bound.

But you almost recorded everything anyway, didn't you?

- Well I do not know. I am so disorganized. - Oh, no, you're not.

Dying is a hassle.

No, but you don't have to worry about

anything, just leave everything to me

and... and I'll solve everything however you want.

- You want... - Call Dr. Gillman.

Why?

No... Can I get something? Do you want pain relievers?

There's... - Sam.

What?

Wait.

Please.

You disappear and come back. Like an artistic film.

And the walls too.

Bring your piano.

Please.

- Wait a minute, please. Oh. About Jill.

All right. I'll take care of Jill. I've told you this before.

Kate, I love Jill.

I hope you marry Nora.

I just... I just want to marry you.

Why are you always trying to separate me from someone else?

All we need to do is...

Just get some rest. And improve it and then we all go home together.

Nora is good with Jill.

Would you cut it off with that Nora stuff?

If I can accept dying, why can't anyone else?

Hi Kate.

If you ask me how I'm feeling, I'll strangle you.

What do you want for lunch is all I want to know.

A pill for pain. - IT IS GOOD.

And you won't give me any other medicine to prolong it. Promise?

Promise.

I have some things to do in the book.

And I can't do that with these things that mess with my head.

Whenever you want a pain pill, all you have to do

is call the nurse and she'll bring you one, okay?

And you won't put other things

- on pain medicine, what about you? - No of course not.

I want to die on my own watch. That's what I want.

OK sorry.

I am really sorry. I can not stand it.

ME...

What did I tell you? Mr. Vanishing Act.

Good...

It's hard to see someone die.

Probably harder than dying.

What am I thinking?

Ah...

About friends, places and dogs I've had.

Thinking about my little girl.

Kind of stocky.

Long blond hair.

With an attitude about life that makes me feel small.

Thinking about dying.

Feeling angry that soon there will be no more of me.

But a feeling of melancholy comes, you know?

It's really a beautiful feeling.

When you know you've done everything you know how to do

and all that's left is a little bit of tomorrow.

I was a virgin when I married David.

Do you believe that?

All the things she accused me of.

She loved keeping me a virgin because I loved her.

Because I believed her.

Even when she stopped believing in me, I continued to believe her.

She taught me what...

She taught me what love was when she taught

me the names of the mountain flowers.

Yes?

And to speak for myself.

And she gave me my first dog.

How could she accuse me of being a bum?

Mommy...

Please, Mom.

Say that you Love Me.

because i got hurt a lot

and i need my mom to comfort me.

I know Kate.

I will tell her.

Don't tell her anything. Tell her to go to hell!

It's hard now. Very difficult.

I keep thinking about letting myself wake up one more morning.

I have a lot to say to Jill.

This is very important.

Or is it that important?

I don't even know how to play the piano.

Goodbye, Jill.

Goodbye, Dr. Gillman.

Goodbye, Sam.

Jill, my love. My little love.

Hang in there, honey.

Hi Dad!

She died.

She does not?

I want mine...

I've driven this thing 425 miles before. There is.

Jill Want to take a walk?

There is? There is?

- Here's a flower for you! Oh thank you, dear.

Thanks. Let me unbutton my coat. Careful, it's bur... It's hot.

Yes. Yes, ok. I'll put this coat over here.

I'll squeeze you, can you breathe? There is?

OK, ready to go? Be careful.

Yes, OK.

♪ Lady, my sweet lady ♪

♪ I'm as close as possible ♪

♪ And I swear to you ♪

♪ Our time is beginning ♪