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1
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.
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00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:05,797
- OK, Saint Patrick is up.
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Let our annual
official celebration begin.
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All hail everything Irish.
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[cheers and applause]
6
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- Grandpa, is it true
that Saint Patrick's Day
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is a legal holiday in Boston
because Irish people
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00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,229
are all alcoholics
and the government
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00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,480
doesn't want kids
walking home from school
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00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,190
through rivers of Irish puke?
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- 100%.
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00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,114
- * It's true *
13
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:35,452
* The marriage that we once
had now is through *
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* And now we're doing
all that we can do *
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* To keep us all together
as a crew *
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00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:47,714
* Just do as we say,
not as we do *
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* We really thought
that we were done *
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00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,596
* But we've just begun *
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- Listen, Jimmy,
you are an Irish American.
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00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,727
That means uninformed people
are gonna say untrue things
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00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,395
about your heritage
all your life,
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00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,314
especially
on Saint Patrick's Day.
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00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,232
They're gonna say
your people are drunks.
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00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,151
- Pug-faced potato eaters.
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00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,612
- Humorless,
uptight Catholic girls.
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00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,241
- Leprechauns who hoard
yellow moons, blue diamonds,
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00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:16,534
and green clovers.
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00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:17,911
Mouth-breathing
knuckle draggers
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looking for a fight.
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Your job--
- Is to punch them in the face.
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- No.
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I want you both
to always remember
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that you come
from a great people.
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And for the record, March 17th,
Saint Patrick's Day,
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it marks an event
called Evacuation Day.
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00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,426
- Where Bostonians
celebrate Saint Patrick
37
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,178
by evacuating their stomachs?
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- No, it's the day
that British forces
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retreated from Boston,
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00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,724
giving George Washington
his first victory
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of the Revolutionary War.
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- Why did they retreat?
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Because of all the puke?
44
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:46,773
- There was no puke.
45
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:47,899
The British were beaten.
46
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- Until they puked?
47
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- Hey, y'all.
48
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- Hey, Trey.
- Hey, Trey.
49
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,657
- Jimmy Jr. forgot
his backpack in the car.
50
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- When he was little,
Mom and Dad
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00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,326
used to leave him in the car.
52
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,123
- Hey, who's
the "Lord of the Rings" fan?
53
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:04,416
I love me some Gandalf.
54
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,794
- That's who he reminds me of.
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00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,422
- Thank you, Trey, for reducing
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00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:13,425
Ireland's beloved Saint Patrick
to a senile warlock.
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00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,261
- Dad loves
Saint Patrick's Day.
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00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,263
- I love
Saint Patrick's Day too.
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00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,389
The Celtics have always had
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00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,682
a Saint Patrick's Day
fundraiser,
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00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,350
and this year,
for the first time,
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I get to host it.
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00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,812
We got A-listers,
big-money donors.
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00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,189
We're blowing it out for the
Higgins Hospital for Children.
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00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,816
This year,
I'm telling you right now,
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the Celtics are gonna own
Saint Patty's Day.
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- Saint Patrick's Day.
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- That's what I meant.
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00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,823
- You said Patty,
P-A-T-T-Y,
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00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,908
which is a nickname
for Patricia.
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00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,453
However, Paddy, P-A-D-D-Y,
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is a nickname
for Pádraig, or Patrick.
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00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,582
- Well, what's the difference?
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What's the difference between
the letter T and the letter D?
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You dell me, Drey Daylor.
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00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,340
- Douché.
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00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,801
- OK, I stand corrected.
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00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,095
Saint Paddy's Day.
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But look,
we're gonna have top-notch
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00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,016
Irish-themed
entertainment and catering.
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00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:06,978
- Is there such a thing
as top-notch Irish catering?
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00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,607
- I've never even come across
mid-notch Irish catering.
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00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,902
- Well, we're gonna have
shamrocks and green balloons
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00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,321
and gift bags
with bottles of Jameson
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00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,822
and Irish Spring soap.
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00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,116
We're gonna have
family-sized boxes
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00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,409
of Lucky Charms.
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00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,661
We're gonna get
paddy wagon photo booths
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00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,538
so everyone can have
their own mug shots
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00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,248
like Irishmen of yore.
91
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,709
And check this out.
92
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,044
We hired a local band
who released a track
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00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:34,381
that a chatbot wrote
after scouring the internet
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00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,049
for the answer
to the prompt,
95
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,884
what does it mean to be Irish?
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00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,010
Take a listen.
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00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,388
[bright music playing]
98
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:43,264
* Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey *
99
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,558
* Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-lay *
100
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,061
* It's how we end the evening *
101
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,813
* And how we start the day *
102
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,524
* Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey *
103
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,734
* Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-li *
104
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,820
* We can't live without it *
105
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:59,656
* So we'll drink until we die *
106
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,408
- I think
I've heard enough.
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00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:08,873
.
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00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:09,541
- * Fighting, fighting *
109
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,419
* Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-loo *
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00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,629
* If you had your Irish up *
111
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,257
* You'd be
throwing punches too *
112
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,426
* Talking, talking, talking *
113
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,678
* Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-lee *
114
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,596
* We can talk your ear off *
115
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,474
* So come have a drink
with me *
116
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,601
* Drink and fight
and talk all night *
117
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:30,895
* And dum-dum,
diddle-diddle-dee *
118
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,273
* Have another swig
and do an Irish jig *
119
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,775
* Get your Irish up like me *
120
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,736
[laughs] See?
121
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Perfectly beautiful Irish song.
122
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,365
- I'm gonna get
a phone call.
123
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:43,700
- You're not gonna get
a phone call.
124
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,952
- So I imagine you were
surprised to get my call.
125
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,455
- Jim, if this is about
126
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,873
the "Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey"
song--
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00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,458
- A song
that should be entitled
128
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:54,002
"Reductive Stereotype
in the Key of C."
129
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,421
You got Gandalf
and the cereal leprechaun
130
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,464
and the paddy wagon.
131
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,590
The only thing you left out
132
00:04:58,631 --> 00:04:59,966
was "Danny Boy."
- I love "Danny Boy."
133
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,801
- Written
by a butter-loving Englishman
134
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,803
about an Irish father who will
never see his son again,
135
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,055
probably
because of the English.
136
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,893
- Jim, I understand
how you feel.
137
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,146
As an Italian-American, I used
to be proud of Columbus Day.
138
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,899
- Right, but if it is ever
revealed that, like Columbus,
139
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,318
Saint Patrick went to foreign
lands to terrorize the locals,
140
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,904
then I will stop honoring him.
141
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:23,114
- The point, I think,
is that there are
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00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,491
knowledge gaps on all sides.
143
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,658
- Right, But you never hear
144
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,660
about the Irish
understanding gap.
145
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,330
They're always, you know,
doing shots and hurling insults
146
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,915
and rolling in clichés.
147
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,375
- Including
lots of Irish people.
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00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,959
I mean, look at this place.
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00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,337
- OK, my dad may not be
as sensitive
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00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,630
to this issue as I am.
151
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,006
- Green beer coming through.
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00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,675
Faith and begorrah.
153
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,886
- But because he's Irish,
that's OK.
154
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,763
I mean, if he was hosting
the Celtics gala
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00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,682
on Saint Patrick's Day,
he could stand up and yell,
156
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,434
"Welcome, ya Guinness-swilling,
short-tempered
157
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,354
peat-moss burners,"
and no one would care.
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00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,897
But he's not hosting.
You are.
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00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,318
- I think Jim may be
actually trying to help you.
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00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,820
- No.
161
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,029
- No.
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00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,698
- I mean, you skipped
your pickleball game
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00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,032
to have this conversation.
164
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,325
- I did.
- Mm-hmm.
165
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,369
- And I love pickleball.
- You do.
166
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,537
- I mean,
you could be competent
167
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,539
the very first time you play.
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00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,165
I did skip it to be here.
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- Like a friend would.
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- Oh, my God.
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00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:17,836
I think she's right.
172
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,045
- Mm-mm.
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00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,881
- Is it possible
that we might be becoming...
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00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,633
friends?
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00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:26,177
- I mean, it doesn't
feel like friendship.
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00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,931
But it does have
the markers of it.
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00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,725
I mean, here I am,
sitting here,
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00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,269
listening to you
for the first time
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00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,063
like your opinion matters.
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00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,400
- This is a big moment.
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00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,777
- OK, OK,
so I have a new friend,
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00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,195
but I still got a problem.
183
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,739
The gala is six days away,
184
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,449
and I see that it's full
of land mines.
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00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,867
And I might not be
the right person
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to know how to defuse them.
187
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,287
- Well, what if we built
on this new friendship
188
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:53,663
and Jim brought his wealth
189
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,582
of cultural
and historical knowledge
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00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,209
to help keep you
land mine-free?
191
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,669
- You'd do that, Jim?
192
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,048
- Interesting idea.
193
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,799
Don't just criticize.
194
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,926
Pitch in.
195
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,553
I don't know
that I've ever tried that.
196
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,929
- I've never seen you do it.
197
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,349
- OK, I got to admit
that I was triggered
198
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,933
by most of your party plans.
199
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,685
But maybe that's the problem
with this world.
200
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,103
- So you'll help, Jim?
201
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,105
- On one condition.
202
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,483
I want to be named
203
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,610
special envoy
to the Boston Celtics.
204
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,195
- Special what?
- Envoy.
205
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,821
It's like an ambassador.
- No, I know what it is.
206
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,198
I just couldn't believe
that you said it.
207
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,033
- I don't want to be
just a consultant.
208
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,826
I mean, the world is lousy
with consultants.
209
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,578
Grant me that dignity, please?
210
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,788
- Special envoy it is.
211
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,831
- I want in on a business card.
212
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,667
- No one uses
business cards anymore.
213
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,001
- So it shouldn't be a problem.
214
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,920
"Special Envoy Jim Kearney"
on a business card.
215
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,922
- OK, if his name on a piece
of paper is what gets his help,
216
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,715
then deal.
- Cardstock, the good stuff.
217
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,092
- Welcome aboard,
218
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,302
Special Envoy Jim Kearney,
friend.
219
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,470
- Ah.
220
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,139
Thank you very much,
friend Trey.
221
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,933
Whoa, whoa.
222
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,059
Oh, my God.
223
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,315
Did we just come up
with our own special handshake?
224
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:03,817
- I think we just did, friend.
225
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:11,741
.
226
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:12,242
[bright music]
227
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,454
[elevator bell dings]
228
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,790
- It's a simple idea,
really,
229
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,960
and one that every
special envoy holds dear--
230
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,295
the truth.
231
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,716
In this case, the unadorned
truth of the Irish experience.
232
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,010
And what cuts more cleanly
to the heart
233
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,595
and, since this is for charity,
to the pocketbook
234
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:33,847
than honesty?
235
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,849
Nothing, folks.
Nothing.
236
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,560
- Well, Mr. Taylor
told us to do
237
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,395
whatever
Special Envoy Kearney said.
238
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,938
- Good.
And what's the budget?
239
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,566
- $500,000.
240
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,027
- That'll work.
241
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:52,824
* *
242
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,951
- [sighs]
- Ugh, I know.
243
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,661
That happens to me
in elevators too.
244
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,621
- No, that's not what I mean.
245
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,331
I just realized
I gave Jim Kearney
246
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,875
$1/2 million
to do this thing,
247
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,878
and I have no idea what he did.
248
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,171
Decided not to micromanage,
249
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,381
and that might have been
a macro mistake.
250
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,883
[elevator bell dings]
251
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,635
- [gasps]
Oh, my God, honey.
252
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:13,636
This place looks amazing.
253
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,014
- I knew he'd nail it.
254
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,432
My friend Jim.
255
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,725
- Oh, dia dhuit,my friends.
256
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,226
- Dia dhuit,Mr. Kearney.
257
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,519
- Dia--
- Dhuit.
258
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,729
It's hello in Irish.
259
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,981
- You know Irish?
- Just dia dhuit.
260
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,525
- Irish, the national language
of Ireland
261
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,737
until England started killing
everyone who spoke it.
262
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,197
- Jim, you look so great.
263
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,656
- Oh.
- Yes.
264
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,200
And thank you so much for
helping me out with this, man.
265
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,660
I needed someone to have
my back, and you had it.
266
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,745
I appreciate you.
267
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:39,829
- Helping you
restage this gala
268
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,164
has been a gift for me.
269
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,583
And it has been staggering
to discover
270
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,293
not only how many people
want to help share
271
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,670
in the Irish celebration
272
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:50,173
but also just how much
money can buy.
273
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,926
I mean, you know, now I know
why you guys are so happy.
274
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:55,470
Whenever a problem comes up,
you just chuck money at it.
275
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,430
Then the problem goes away.
276
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,723
- Dude, I know.
277
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,016
[chortles]
278
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,685
- Well, listen,
I got to set some levels
279
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,894
with the tech director.
280
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,188
Oh, oh, and thank you
for the suit.
281
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,899
- Apparently
I bought him a suit.
282
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,609
- And he looks great.
- [chuckles]
283
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,945
- Let's go work the room,
shall we?
284
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,822
- Can you do me a favor and
tell me everybody's name twice,
285
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,323
just in case I don't remember?
286
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,117
- Copy that.
Ah.
287
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,118
Lana Telsup.
288
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,911
- Uh, Telsuit?
289
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,746
Telsup with a P,
Harvard professor,
290
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,623
one of the only ones
who still has her job.
291
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,750
Best-selling book,
"Women Empowered."
292
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,544
- Tell me that again.
- "Women Empowered."
293
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,712
- No, not the book's name,
her name.
294
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,088
- Lana Telsup.
295
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,340
- One more time.
- Lana--she's too close now.
296
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,800
Lana, Julia Mariano.
297
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,468
And this is Trey Taylor.
298
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:36,803
- Of course.
Good evening.
299
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,388
- Oh, thank you
for your support.
300
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,265
- I just loved your book,
"Women Empowered."
301
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,600
As a woman, I felt
so empowered, Lana Telsup.
302
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,436
- [chuckles]
303
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,478
- I felt empowered too.
304
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,730
[chuckles] Even as a man.
305
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,023
- It's not for men.
306
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,983
Forget everything you read.
307
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,485
- [sucks teeth]
Hmm.
308
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,070
- Oh, Lana, dia dhuit.
309
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,864
Loved your book.
Felt very empowered.
310
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,283
- Not for men.
311
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,243
- Danny Walsh is here.
Danny Walsh.
312
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:01,494
- Danny Walsh?
I know Danny Walsh.
313
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,413
- Trey!
- Danny! Hey!
314
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,206
- Hey, love
the thatched-roof cottage.
315
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,458
So Irish.
316
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,169
All we need now
is some rain, huh? [laughs]
317
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,463
- You remember Julia.
- Oh, you look fantastic.
318
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,714
- Oh, hello.
Good to see you.
319
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:13,923
- Splendid.
- [laughs]
320
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,967
- Now, I'm gonna need you
bidding big
321
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,302
in that live auction, D-Dub.
322
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,554
- All about the kids.
[laughter]
323
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,805
I didn't come here
to save money.
324
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,808
[laughter]
325
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,560
- I'll see you later.
I'll see you later.
326
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,021
Hoo-hoo!
Danny Walsh is on the hook.
327
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:30,148
- Mm. Jim, you really classed
this whole place up.
328
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,524
They are gonna give
till it hurts.
329
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:32,692
- "For the kids" on three.
330
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,736
all:
One, two, for the kids!
331
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,154
- I thought you said on three.
332
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,989
- Well, yeah, it's 1, 2,
and then you replace
333
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,699
the three
with "for the kids."
334
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,076
- Should we try again?
- Yeah.
335
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,036
- No.
336
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,579
- All right, well, I'll see you
after the presentation.
337
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,497
- Yep.
Love you, bud.
338
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,706
- Love you too.
339
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,796
- Did Jim and I just say
we loved each other?
340
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,464
- Well, you said love you
while walking away,
341
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,257
which is still saying more
than see you,
342
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,467
but it's not I love you.
343
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,469
- Huh.
- Watch this.
344
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,137
I love you.
345
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:04,307
- I see the difference.
[laughter]
346
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,975
- Thanks for making him
special envoy.
347
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,436
- I needed him as much
as he needed me.
348
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,355
You and me right now,
"For the kids" on two. Ready?
349
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,189
both: One.
350
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,941
- Two.
- For the kids.
351
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,275
- See, it just
doesn't make sense.
352
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,652
- Yeah.
353
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,195
[upbeat music]
354
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:20,490
.
355
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:21,116
[cheers and applause]
356
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,828
- Can we all make some noise
for our special guest?
357
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:29,332
Boston Celtics legend
Paul "The Truth" Pierce.
358
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,584
[cheers and applause]
359
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,712
[laughs]
360
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,798
My man.
- Yeah. Yeah.
361
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,719
And at this point,
I'm gonna introduce you
362
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,847
to our master of ceremony
of this evening, Mr. Jim--
363
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,890
- Special envoy.
364
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,268
- I'm sorry, what?
- Special envoy.
365
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,353
- Got it.
- Mm.
366
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,731
- I'd like to introduce you
to the master of ceremony
367
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,525
this evening, my friend
368
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:58,945
and Special Envoy Jim Kearney.
369
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,699
[cheers and applause]
370
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:05,368
- Thanks, Trey.
371
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:09,914
I know I speak for the entire
Boston Celtics organization
372
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,542
when I say that there is
no holiday that is
373
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:15,628
more important to us
than Saint Patrick's Day.
374
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,213
Why?
375
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,883
Because Irish spirit
is on our uniform.
376
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,843
It runs in our hallways.
377
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:25,847
It is in the very panels of
the parquet floor at TD Garden.
378
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,932
But a lot of people
don the Celtic green
379
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,810
without knowing
what it really represents:
380
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,438
the spirit of Ireland.
381
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,441
[applause]
382
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:41,446
If you'll allow me, I'd like
to show you what I mean.
383
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,366
There are virtual reality
headsets on your tables.
384
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,910
If you would please
put them on.
385
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,037
Then we'll begin.
386
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:57,337
Behold the rolling green hills
of the Emerald Isle...
387
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,505
crowd:
Ooh!
388
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:02,258
- Beckoning you
with lush tranquility.
389
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,845
Here is the true spirit
of Ireland.
390
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,597
- Look at the details.
391
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,641
It's so lush, so green.
392
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,017
- Oh, it's so beautiful.
393
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,770
It's like
it's all fairway.
394
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,272
- Now see the stunning
Cliffs of Moher.
395
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,649
So breathtaking.
396
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,859
Inhale the brisk, misty air.
397
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:24,072
Walk to the edge
and peer over below.
398
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:26,491
- That's a long way down.
- Oh, whoa!
399
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,243
It's so real.
Oh!
400
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,453
- Now let's walk
across the River Liffey
401
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,873
and through the famous archway
of Trinity College Dublin.
402
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,210
Hey, Hall-of-Famer Paul Pierce,
better watch your head.
403
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:40,380
- I'm tall but not that tall.
404
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,132
- Now flip through
the Book of Kells.
405
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:43,967
Marvel in the detail.
406
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,011
And it's only a few steps
over to the lively pubs
407
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,013
of Dublin's Temple Bar
neighborhood,
408
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,265
bustling with music and cheer.
409
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,475
See Ireland in all its glory,
410
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,145
from the Ring of Kerry
to the Bay of Galway
411
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,647
to Blackrock Castle
outside colorful Cork.
412
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,066
- OK, man,
now, that's cool.
413
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:02,861
- We're flying now.
414
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,487
- Oh, my God, we're flying.
415
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,488
[laughs]
416
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:06,531
- But wait.
417
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,783
What is that black smoke?
418
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,326
What's going on?
419
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:13,997
It's 1649,
and the marauders have landed.
420
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,457
And they want to kill you
421
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,042
because you answer
to the pope.
422
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,710
- [screams]
423
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,211
- Look behind you.
424
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,339
It's a family of nine,
very weak and gaunt,
425
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,090
and they're holding something.
426
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,800
A blighted potato.
427
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,385
No nutritional value.
428
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,179
It takes more calories
to digest it
429
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,847
than it adds to your strength.
430
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,349
Do the arithmetic.
431
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,184
But you can't do the arithmetic
because the English
432
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,061
have burned your school
to the ground
433
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,687
and dismembered your teachers,
434
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,856
your friends, your family.
[blade shinging]
435
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,816
Your entire country
is starving.
436
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,444
It's 1847,
and the famine is here.
437
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,071
[bell tolling]
- Oh-ho, this is intense.
438
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,240
- Let's go back to Temple Bar
and tie one on.
439
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,159
- Now you're
in the brig "Saint John,"
440
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,786
an overcrowded
immigrant ship
441
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,662
teeming with cholera
and death.
442
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:58,083
Fleeing the famine, the brig
will crash upon the rocks
443
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,376
just off the shore
of Massachusetts
444
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:03,046
before it arrives,
killing 145 souls on board.
445
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,173
But here you are,
swimming in the frigid water
446
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:06,383
among the corpses.
447
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,218
- Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
448
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,011
- Oh, my God, I need a Xanax.
449
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,304
- Sharks!
450
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,264
- [screams]
- Swim!
451
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,850
- Then climbing ashore,
surviving the wreck.
452
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,394
But your life in America
will not be
453
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,979
the paradise you'd hoped,
because--
454
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:20,980
what's that smell?
455
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,065
That's smoke.
456
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,233
More flames.
457
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,110
You're an Irish immigrant
in America,
458
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:28,238
and your textile mill
is on fire.
459
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,990
You run for the windows
to try to find escape,
460
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,992
but they're nailed shut.
461
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,494
You try to find something
to break it,
462
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,578
but there's nothing.
463
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,247
Use your fists.
Use your fists.
464
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,416
Use your head.
Use your friend's head.
465
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,126
Break it. Break it.
Break it.
466
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,086
- Get us out of here!
467
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,713
- I want to live!
[glass shatters]
468
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,632
- You try to climb
through the shards of glass,
469
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:48,800
and people push you.
470
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,385
- Get off of me!
471
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:53,096
- You can feel your skin
being sliced apart
472
00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,848
while people
are bleeding on you.
473
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:57,267
- Oh, it's so real.
- It's terrible.
474
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,728
- This is the worst gala
I've ever been to.
475
00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,063
- Feel that?
476
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,690
It's no longer the mist.
477
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,608
It's tears.
478
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,068
Irish tears.
479
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,903
[people crying]
480
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,071
- Oh!
481
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,032
I don't want
to be Irish anymore.
482
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,199
- Me neither.
483
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:14,701
- Man, I'm out of here.
484
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:16,286
- Wait, what?
485
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:19,497
- The Red Sox would never
do something like this.
486
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,587
- Don't beat yourself up, son.
487
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,963
You did your best.
488
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,632
It's not your fault
your best wasn't good enough.
489
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,968
- It's absolutely my fault.
How is this not my fault?
490
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,386
- I'm trying to cheer you up.
491
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,013
It's not my fault I failed.
492
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,434
- I failed the Celtics,
the charity,
493
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:42,729
the kids, Paul Pierce, Julia,
494
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,147
and Irish people everywhere.
495
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,441
Oh, and I failed
my new friend Trey.
496
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,984
- Trey?
497
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:50,653
You met a new guy named Trey
and you made friends with him?
498
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,197
- No, no, our Trey.
499
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,032
Our relationship had
kind of turned a corner.
500
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,492
We even had our own handshake.
501
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,994
But now we'll be back
to a perfunctory chin nod.
502
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,579
- Well, let me get you a beer.
503
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,332
In the tradition of our people,
you can drown your sorrows.
504
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,250
- Not helping.
- Not hurting.
505
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,378
- Hey, Jim, Jim.
- Mm.
506
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,754
Trey, Trey,
before you say anything--
507
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,172
- No, I need to say--
I need to say something.
508
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,674
- No, I need to go first.
- No, let me go first.
509
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,008
- No, I'm so sorry
about tonight.
510
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,343
I thought I was doing
a good job.
511
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,011
I thought I was being
thorough and trenchant,
512
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,638
but I totally went overboard
513
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,014
and slaughtered
the golden geese.
514
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,057
- Can I talk now?
515
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,350
- Please do.
I'm out of words.
516
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,102
- OK, all week long,
you pounded me
517
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,603
about what the Irish
have been through.
518
00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:25,438
- I know, and I'm so sorry.
And just let me say that I--
519
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,273
- You said
you were out of words.
520
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,527
- It was a temporary condition.
521
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,988
- I thought I understood.
522
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,783
I didn't,
until I saw your VR thing.
523
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,326
And it moved me.
524
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:39,953
It also moved Danny Walsh.
525
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,079
- Danny Walsh was last seen
526
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,873
dry-heaving
at the valet stand.
527
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,166
- Danny Walsh recovered.
528
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,127
- [gasps]
529
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,962
- Special Envoy Kearney.
530
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,296
- Yes?
531
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,965
- I wanted to come by myself
to tell you
532
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:53,341
how the rest of my night went.
533
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,511
Well, first
I puked my guts out.
534
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,221
But any Irishman
will tell you,
535
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,681
that's a good way
to clear your mind.
536
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,228
Then I had my driver drive me
to Mount Auburn Cemetery,
537
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,480
where my Nana Méabh is buried.
538
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:09,065
She and my grandfather
emigrated
539
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:12,235
from Dublin in August 1922.
540
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,737
I went to her grave, and I--
541
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:16,281
I poured a fifth
of Jameson over it.
542
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,491
I keep a couple bottles
in the trunk.
543
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,245
I said,
Nana, please forgive me.
544
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:24,080
I've taken you for granted.
545
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,623
I mean, your heroic struggles.
546
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:29,252
And I now understand that if
it wasn't for you and Grandpa,
547
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,795
I wouldn't be here,
you know,
548
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,673
raiding companies
and laying off thousands,
549
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:34,674
crushing their families.
550
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:36,217
But that's not important
right now.
551
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,261
- Mm.
552
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,347
- And then I realized,
maybe there's some kids
553
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:43,266
in Higgins Hospital
that should get a chance
554
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,852
to be a hedge fund monster
themselves, right?
555
00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,979
- [chuckles]
556
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,689
- So you know what this is?
557
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,691
- A restraining order
from Paul Pierce?
558
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,402
- No, it's a check
for $4 million.
559
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,239
- 4 mi--
did you say mi--
560
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:00,658
- Yeah, he said mi.
561
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,119
It's the most money
the gala's ever raised.
562
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,288
- So the presentation worked?
563
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,290
- It worked, Special Envoy Jim.
564
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,833
- I don't know
what to say.
565
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,419
- Say it's the luck
of the Irish.
566
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,092
- Pretty sure
you shouldn't say that.
567
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,302
- And you really were
a special envoy.
568
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,471
- Well, thank you.
569
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:22,639
Trey?
- Hmm?
570
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,182
- You take this.
You're used to it.
571
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,976
I can feel my fingers melting.
572
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,144
- Jim, you got a business card?
573
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,355
- As a matter of fact...
574
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:32,982
- Nice cardstock.
575
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,234
- Mm.
576
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,152
- Let's get this place
hammered.
577
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,529
Hey, barkeep!
578
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,447
Rest of the night,
the drinks are on me.
579
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,992
[cheers and applause]
580
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,327
- Wow.
581
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,621
- I mean, that was a win,
a win-win, a win-win-win.
582
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,331
- Hey,
"Win-win-win" on three?
583
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,834
- Oh, yeah!
- Nope, never again.
584
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,087
- Ladies and gentlemen,
the Shot Glass Sullivans.
585
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,506
- * Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey *
586
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,842
- No, I had nothing
to do with this.
587
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,511
- I tracked the band down.
I love these guys.
588
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:04,139
They may not look Irish,
but they are.
589
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,682
- * Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey *
590
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:07,600
* Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-li *
- Come on, sing along.
591
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:09,477
- You know you want to.
592
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:13,523
- * Without it,
so we'll drink until we die *
593
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:16,067
* Paddy, Paddy, Paddy *
594
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,528
* Did someone call my name *
595
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:20,363
* Get on the paddy wagon *
596
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,241
* It's our only claim to fame *
597
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,326
* Fighting, fighting,
fighting *
598
00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:27,829
* Oh, too-ra-loo-ra-loo *
40211
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