Original subtitles

I used to think

there's gotta be something else out there for me.

Something... I don't know.

More.

My mom called it restlessness.

She said it was an inherited curse.

But she said, someday, I would find myself running.

When I found what I was looking for,

she said, it would bring me to my knees.

You will be popular here, Ms. Rabia.

Very, very popular.

It's a good place to live.

The kids are good... in their way.

We have a first-rate Chevrolet dealership.

There's a grocery store that's pretty decent.

But most people drive to Jamestown

for their food shopping, and even as far as Valley City.

There's a hardware store,

but I'm not sure how much longer that's gonna last.

Probably heard the movie theater's closing.

I'm afraid that's true.

But Big Harley's Cafe, that's not going anywhere.

I'm looking for the school.

-You come from 94? -Yes, I think, yeah.

You're in the right direction.

Thank you.

We got two gas stations and three bars,

although you can hardly count the Oasis Wheel as a bar,

and I would personally avoid Uncle Teddy's,

which I believe is called Yugo's now.

Yeah. It's a downtown, Owl.

So, tell me about your volleyball experience.

-Volleyball? -Volleyball.

-I thought... -It's a Title IX situation.

Can't have three boys' sports without three girls'.

Unfortunate, but... So, volleyball?

I don't know...

We'll pay for books on the subject.

-Of volleyball? -Season starts second semester.

I'm here for first semester...

I should've mentioned volleyball to your dad.

We were just hoping he'd have a spare TA around.

We never imagined that TA would be his own daughter.

Well, he didn't send... I wanted to come.

I'm... My husband,

I'm getting out of his hair. He's working on his doctorate.

He'll be finished by new year, so, second semester, I won't...

Right, you're married. He works for your dad?

He's an adjunct in the department.

Gosh! He made such an impression on me,

your father, my one semester at the U.

Oh! Kids? Do you have?

-Not yet. -But that's the plan?

In the new year, for sure.

Married's better than nothing, but kids would be better.

There is popular and then there is too popular.

Hey! Let's hit the halls.

In addition to volleyball, I jest,

you'll be teaching seventh grade geography,

eighth grade history, US History, World History,

All-State...

...so surprised when Mr. Schtippel called with this

abrupt sabbatical request.

Hope it's just a sabbatical.

Frankly, he just said, "I gotta get the French word out."

Everyone thinks the guitarists are twins

'cause of their beards, but they aren't.

The drummer, who has no beard, his name is actually Beard!

I'm Eli Zebra, said like Debra.

I've seen Fast Times. Nobody here knows who Spicoli is.

I'm Rebecca Grooba,

everyone in Owl knows I'm a genius, no one cares.

I read Finnegans Wake in eighth grade.

In five years, I'm gonna be a registered nurse.

I'm Katie, I'm Mitch's sister.

-Who's... -I'm Mitch.

I think I'm in love.

I'm Tina. I'm pregnant.

Who are you?

Oh! Coach!

Coach Laidlaw is also the head of the English Department.

You also have 11th grade English.

Coach Laidlaw, please meet Coach Julia Rabia.

-Coach? -Volleyball. Fingers crossed.

Maybe you could fill her in on the English syllabi,

and show her the teachers' lounge?

I'm not that welcome there.

We start with 1984.

-What? -Orwell.

-You know Orwell? -I know. I just...

Not in the syllabus, but every grade's reading it.

-You know why? -'Cause Big Brother is watching.

'Cause it's 1983.

Which means next year is?

-1984. -I get it. 1984.

Also, so the kids learned that freedom is more important

than playing by the rules.

Huh?

If they don't learn that, the commies win.

Vanna! Why the long face, huh?

I wanna solve the puzzle, Vanna!

-Help you? -You're...

-It's Vanna? -I'm Mitch.

My last name is Hrlicka, H-R-L-I-C-K-A.

Coach thinks it's funny I can't buy another vowel.

-That's rude. -Football is a big deal here.

I guess that's true everywhere.

I wouldn't know. I haven't been anywhere else.

Time's up! No eating disorders on school property!

-What? I wasn't! -I'm kidding.

High school bathroom's where a girl learns how to be skinny.

-Where are you from? -Milwaukee.

You like to drink, like to get drunk?

What were you doing, having a cry?

-No. -Dropping a deuce?

-A what? -Number two, I invented that.

-No! -I'm Naomi.

When I was 19, I was a sex kitten.

When I'm 59, I'll be 60 pounds overweight.

Now I'm 33, and you're getting drunk with me.

Was that to me? Or to some audience? Or?

When I speak, there's always an audience.

I'm a teacher in the biblical sense of the word.

Any night after 8:00. Yugo's.

Wear your least comfortable bra.

Hey, Dad.

It's nice, it's clean. It's...

There's just one building at the end of the main drag.

What? Nah, the kids are... They're great. They're...

Mike's great. I got off with him.

He said he's making good progress.

No, I'll... No, I'll be back for Thanksgiving.

It's too far for Mike to track out.

No.

Yeah, I'm gonna, um, unpack,

I guess.

No, tell mom I'll try her tomorrow.

I love you, too. Bye.

So, why do you think George Orwell wrote 1984?

Mr. Zebra?

It's pronounced "zeh-bra."

And it's because he was a gay alcoholic.

-I'm not sure that's right. -Definitely is.

And he also wore sunglasses inside, which was cool.

He also write Breakfast at Tiffany's?

-Definitely probably. -That's Truman Capote.

- Rebecca? - It's called 1984

'cause Orwell was writing in 1948.

He wanted to show the future was the dystopian present

and the Thought Police had won.

-Sorry, I didn't get... -Don't like speaking in public.

Mister...

Mr. Sellers?

-Mr. Candy? -No.

Okay.

Tina. What about you?

George Orwell wrote 1984 because he hated hypocrites,

and because freedom isn't free.

"If you want to keep a secret,

"you must also hide it from yourself."

Two plus two equals doobie. Two plus two equals doobie.

Doobie. A doobie, doobie.

A doobie, doobie do.

Hey, Mike, how's the progress?

No, no, I'm busy, too.

I'm actually meeting a friend, a fellow teacher for a drink.

Taking in some local color, you know?

Come on. Don't be condescending.

Everyone's been so nice, actually.

Nice and honest, I'd say.

Fine, sure, so far.

No, we're meeting at 8:00.

No, I'm not telling you what I'm wearing... Pants, Mike.

I'm wearing pants, not a skirt.

Okay. Yep.

Good progress. Talk later.

So Mike feels, and I agree,

it's not responsible to start trying

until he's at least tenure track,

and Dad is holding my position, but not until the new year,

and first he needs to get his doctorate.

- A lot of steps. - So many steps.

My husband just stuck it in me. I like your bra.

Thank you. It's a little small.

I figured the salary couldn't hurt if we're trying...

In the new year. Yes. Can I see your rings?

-Engagement or... -Both.

Sure. Sure. This strong is drink.

It's a surely... What is this called?

Alcohol. No, this looks small. I'm not that into Mike.

I'm going to pee like a panther. Andale, get us more drinks.

-Okay. What were you having? -Anything, but twice as much.

-You still have my rings. -Single girls drink cheaper.

-You have Rolling Rock? -We don't serve mineral water.

-What about a gin and tonic? -What about one?

-Do you serve one? -Yes. This is a bar.

Two, please.

You're Julia, correct?

And you work at the high school, correct?

And you live in the new apartment building, correct?

-Correct. How did you know that? -We've heard a lot about you.

Speaking of, have you heard about this new movie E.T.?

It's breaking every box office record imaginable.

It's playing at Valley City. So, assuming you haven't seen it

and assuming you're into sci-fi,

maybe we can check it out tomorrow?

Did you... No, we didn't even meet!

Did you ask me out without telling me your name?

No worries, good enough. Nice to meet you.

I would like to apologize on behalf of the entire bar

-for the actions of Bull Calf. -Bull Calf?

We call him Bull Calf, because he looks like a...

sweet little bull calf.

He doesn't know how to behave around women.

I'm Kent. Kent Jones.

Julia Rabia.

How are you finding Owl?

When I heard you were meeting Naomi here,

I was curious to hear an outsider's perspective

on our thriving metropolis.

-How'd you know I was meeting... -Woo-Chuck maybe? Or Two Knocks?

There's Buck Buck, little Stevie Horse 'n' Phone.

And by the napkins, The Flaw Brothers.

I'm Jeff. I'm the dynamic Flaw.

On me, Dog Lover.

Dog Lover?

He lets his dog inside the house.

-And you're? -I'm Kent Jones, remember?

You're the only one with no nickname.

Huh. I never thought of that.

Did you hear the movie theater is closing?

I did hear.

It's been a great year for the industry.

That E.T. that Bull Calf was talking about?

I read that the alien is a force for peace, which is a twist.

I read that, too.

-You haven't seen it? -Not yet.

I could take you to see it, tomorrow evening?

-Are you kidding me? -Go back to your stool,

-Brother Killer. -Brother Killer?

Who'd he say he was, Kent Jones? No one calls him that.

Okay, good enough. Have a nice night.

This is my boyfriend, Ted. Not my actual boyfriend.

I'm married and don't cheat.

He doesn't talk much, thank God.

Ted, get us another round. Cheers.

Hmm.

-What is that? -Gin, hold the tonic.

Compliments of Koombah.

Hmm. Meet my Koombah.

What is the population of this town?

Below 800 and who cares?

Then, yes, I have now met everyone in Owl.

I got asked out to E.T. twice. Once in eight seconds,

-once in 38 seconds. -Jules...

-Julia. -You're female,

don't wear a ring, you're new.

Here in Owl, those three attributes

make you Raquel fucking Welch.

Compliments of Disco Ball.

Don't know what your life was like where you come from,

but you're in high school now.

They're looking at you through homecoming glasses.

So if you buy a drink between now and New Year's,

I swear to God I will punch you in the poon!

Balboa discovered the Pacific Ocean.

Angie Dickinson was born in Kulm.

And the Civil War pop quiz is multiple-choice!

Can I get a coffee and, um, toast.

Like four pieces of toast. Uh...

Bread. I'm late. Just bread.

Four slices of bread, coffee, and water.

First water if there's time. I... Never mind.

I think teaching is a very noble vocation.

Mm.

Did you say vacation? 'Cause there's no vacation.

It's great for these kids to meet someone not from here.

Young professional,

see there are other possibilities out there.

They're sure not gonna hear it from their parents.

Oh. Well... thank you.

Another reason, it's good for kids to have a new role model.

That other English teacher? Coach Laidlaw?

-He's a bona fide sex criminal. -What?

Come on. Yup, yup, here now.

- I pick the back. - Grendel is 6'7",

but his reach is like 7'6",

- whereas Cubby Candy is... - 5'9".

But Candy's fight record is 76-0-1.

His only tie was in eighth grade against a police officer.

Mitch, tell her that Grendel creams Cubby Candy

in hand-to-hand combat.

-They don't know each other. -Stop holding out on us!

Just say it! You know!

I heard the baby's due on Halloween.

It's September.

That'd make her eight months pregnant.

Does she look it?

She's wearing a bulky sweater.

Girls only wear them when they're bulky inside.

It's not that bulky.

That's enough! Get to class!

What you think? Tina's knocked up? True or false?

T or F?

What's it in the drinking water

that turns all our best women into floozies?

Ms. Rabia's not a floozy.

Okay, but Tina is?

It's addition by subtraction!

I mean... The Sphynx has finally spoken!

That's what happens to the backup, Vanna.

His dick is in my fucking ears!

That's what happens.

Yanks, it's fine.

How's the culture shock? I'm hearing great things.

-What is that, bread? -Toast.

One thing I remembered I forgot to relay.

Department heads are responsible

for reviewing all department grading, tests, essays.

It's a bitch, but helps maintain a level of academic fidelity.

-Fidelity? -That's what I said, fidelity.

You'll be grading me on my grading?

Not grading. Reviewing and massaging, where necessary.

It's cool I'm not Big Brother here.

I'm more your adorable younger uncle.

-Isn't that right, Grooba? -What?

You think of me as your uncle, don't you, Grooba?

Okay.

Listen, I don't believe in sliding scales.

If someone's tipping the scales around here,

we trim the fat.

But she's 17!

Why doesn't someone do something? Tell her parents.

Her parents know. Everyone in town knows.

But it doesn't mean it isn't natural.

I had sex with everyone twice in high school

before I met my husband and became faithful.

Ted, get us drinks.

Yeah, why isn't anyone buying us drinks tonight?

Maybe they're sick of being the only one in the bar

you haven't sleep with.

What? I haven't slept with anyone!

Exactly. And as long as you don't sleep with anyone,

I guarantee you 100% of everyone here will think

they're the only ones you haven't slept with,

and they'd be right!

How many abortions have you had?

-What? -Oh, my God, Julia Rabia.

When are you going to start living a little?

It's like you're alive, but you don't even care.

Hey.

I'm Julia.

It's nice to meet you.

-We've met. -What?

I said, we've met.

Oh! I don't recall that.

-It was late, you were drunk. -I don't recall that.

Maybe we haven't met.

I'm not saying that. I met a lot of people.

-You buy me a drink? -Vance Druid doesn't pay.

-Druid was quarterback. -Quarterback?

Compliments of Ted.

So...

Are you meeting anyone tonight?

Gonna play music on the jukebox and go home.

Cool. What music?

Elvis Costello.

-Just Elvis Costello? -Yeah.

You only like Elvis Costello?

That's right.

What about the Beatles?

Their songs are boring.

What about Foreigner? Or Boston? Or Journey?

Thought they were the same band.

-Led Zeppelin, Fleetwood Mac? -Don't like female singers.

-Zeppelin doesn't have one. -News to me.

-Eagles? -Nobody listens to them.

-The Police? -Never heard of 'em.

-Bruce Springsteen? -Seems like a dick.

So, just Elvis Costello?

Why not?

He's got plenty of albums.

Here, I'll play you one.

Hi!

I'm sorry, baby. Were you sleeping?

I forgot, it must be, like, 3:00 a.m. there.

I know it's the same time zone. Because of daylight savings...

No, of course I'm not drunk. I just... I had a bad dream.

You know who sounds drunk? You sound drunk.

No. I'm kidding, sorry.

How was progress today? Did you make good progress?

Cool.

Cool.

I, um... I was thinking,

maybe you could come here for Thanksgiving,

so I could show you around, show you my world here.

It's so dumb.

Yes, I know it's a long drive, I drove it.

You know, it's 3:00 a.m., I can't talk about this.

All right, bye.

What the fuck!

-Oh, no. No, no. -It's closed.

What? No. No, I'm gonna be late for school.

It's Sunday.

Oh, right.

Right.

So, what are you going to do?

What, like, long-term?

- For breakfast. - Oh.

I don't know, maybe I'll...

go back home.

I have eggs.

I'm parked in the alley. You could follow me.

Good.

Okay.

Can I help you with the dishes?

No, I got 'em.

-You a football fan? -Never missed a game.

Hey, have you ever heard of some asshole quarterback

named Vance Druid?

Vance.

Vance has an older brother, Bo.

And Bo was a quarterback with talent. Two state titles.

But with Vance,

we never made the playoffs.

But everyone treats him like a celebrity.

Because of his final game. Let me show ya.

Cool scrapbook.

Never had kids, plenty of time for hobbies.

So, we were down 14-13,

going for the two-point conversion in the win

instead of the extra point in the tie.

And Vance had this opportunity

to redeem an otherwise mediocre career

on the last play of his final game.

But when he took the snap, offensive line just blew up.

There were Lincoln defenders everywhere.

And Vance started running away.

He was zigzagging a bit,

but pretty well just fleeing the scene.

I'm gonna check on the coffee.

- He ran away? - Oh, he sprinted.

We thought he was going to score against himself.

You could hear it in the crowd, the shift from, you know,

excitement to amusement.

And then, around his own 20 yard-line,

for whatever reason, the humiliation,

maybe he just got tired of running,

but Vance decided to try and score after all.

He juked and jived, you know?

Got hit, didn't care,

then two yards from pay dirt, impossibly,

back to where the play started,

he did the most remarkable thing.

-Do you want cream? -Uh-uh.

He had one defender left,

the skinny cornerback he could bull-rush,

and instead Vance threw the ball to a teammate,

number 80 in the opposite corner of the end zone.

He threw, you know, across his body.

The one throw coaches tell quarterbacks never to make.

Bound to be intercepted.

But at the last second, whether he was...

sharing the glory

or just trying to show up his coaches one last time.

I mean...

Never seen a tighter spiral.

Bismarck affiliates were collecting B-roll

for a local color story.

That play went national.

-That's what he's famous for? -Just a freak play.

If that were real, number 80 would've dropped it.

But it was real.

And it wasn't staged like the moon landing.

That's what you practice for,

if you know you're ready for miracles.

You don't play catch

trying to get better at dropping the ball.

Uh, thank you for the breakfast and the football.

Come anytime. We're open every Sunday.

Careful, I may take you up on that.

We hope you do.

Hey, I don't know about that Coach Laidlaw.

He seemed okay to me.

-My friend was defending him... -Let me stop you there.

I don't like gossip,

and we've lost more games than we've won this year,

so anything I say against Coach Laidlaw

could be chalked up to personal resentment.

But in the court of Saint Peter,

that man is indefensible.

The bill that created the Dakota Territory

originally encompassed both Dakotas and which States?

Wyoming, Montana,

and Coach Laidlaw must be stopped.

Those my papers?

You scared me. Just kidding. Just kidding.

I thought you scared me.

I was just... I'm almost finished.

Wanna pop 'em by my office end of period?

Yeah, sure, of course.

-Okay. -Okay.

B-minus. Well argued, but need more details.

Next time, try to flesh out what you're trying to say.

Nota bene, feed this to your dog.

I did the extra credit assignment

you assigned for US history.

What are you talking about?

The one on the false hagiography of Uncle Sam?

I think you'll find it's adorable.

Meet us behind The Oasis Wheel tonight after the game.

Signed, the Two-Plus-Two-Equals-Four.

-Are you the Two-Plus-Two? -Such a stupid name.

Shut up.

-We are The Four. -There's three of us.

-No one invited you. -It's my car.

It's your mother's car.

Get in.

Come on.

- Where are we going? - You'll see.

This is about Mr. Laidlaw?

You'll see.

-No blindfolds? -We voted Eli down.

Such a joke.

Where's his wife?

Been gone for three days now with the kids.

-Her mother died. -Or maybe she left him.

And Tina moved in.

Do her parents know where she is?

She's supposed to be at Tracy Judd's

but, yeah, they probably know.

Everyone knows.

What do you think they're saying?

"Save any room for dessert?"

Do it! Do it!

"Is that a slice of pie?"

"Yeah. It's pie à la mode."

Do you know what à la mode means?

- It means on the house. - It doesn't.

"This pie is making me so thirsty."

"I'm one step ahead of you."

"Ah! Scotch.

"Mm. My favorite.

"Oh, God, you know me so well.

"Oh. And it's single malt. Good stuff.

"It's like we're soulmates.

"It's like you're the world's greatest bartender and lover,

"all wrapped into one.

"And, oh, no, I can't stop talking.

"And now I'm just... Oh, God, I'm crying.

"No, I shouldn't be crying."

"Oh, no, you're crying?

"I love you. You need to let go.

"It's okay to cry. Mommy's here, my baby boy.

-"I love you, I've loved you..." -Shut up.

-Mrs. Rabia? -Ms... Miss.

What? What do you want me to do?

It's not right.

But if she's in love with him...

Mitch, what are you doing? Mitch!

God! What are you doing?

- Can I help you? - Get down. Get down!

Vanna! Is that you?

Whose car is that?

You wanna come in? Take a look around?

Satisfy your fucking curiosity?

Mitch! Come on, get in!

Your panties are showing!

You're being so literally menstrual.

- You don't know. - We do know! We do know, Vanna!

We know you're the world's most gigantic female girl!

Get out of my car, Eli.

-It's your mother's car. -Get out of my mother's car!

Mitchy, wait up!

-Mitch! -What is he talking about?

What don't we know?

Love is a terrible thing to be in, Ms. Rabia.

What? You look like an imbecile.

Hey.

Hey.

So, what do you do with your non-drinking hours?

You make me feel like I'm on cocaine.

I fantasize about saving your life.

Please describe yourself in a way

that confirms my suspicion I was made to love you forever.

I have a farm with my brother.

-It's fine. -Oh. What kind of farm?

I will talk to you about things that don't interest me at all.

Bison.

Bison? Like buffalo? No way! That's astounding!

Bison? Like buffalo? No way! That's astounding!

At least I'm good for something.

I'm the guy with all the buffalo.

Is that why everyone treats you like a celebrity?

Or someone said you played high school football?

Are you famous for that?

If you share your secret,

I will tell you how I hope New Year's never comes

'cause if I never saw my husband again, I think I might not care.

Because I feel like I'm not even done with my 20s,

even though I'm basically 40.

And if I could get my hands on the book of my life,

I would rip out this page and eat it

just to have you inside me.

Famous?

What the hell are you talking about?

Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.

I'll get back to Naomi.

But if you wanna hang with us, we're right there.

This was not the conversation I was hoping for.

You told me nothing meaningful

and asked me zero questions about myself,

but I like you, man.

And I will give you 200 chances

to figure out how to be interested in me.

It was a rare pleasure.

Check you later, Famous Mr. Bison Man.

One thing I can guarantee you,

that man will be coming over to join us in three, two...

He just left.

"94 east, arrow, 54 north, on the left."

That's where we are.

If you wanna see the bison next weekend maybe...

or not.

Awesome!

Awesome catch!

My sister's the next James Lofton!

If girls could play football, I'd make you All-State!

If girls could play football, you'd go to Notre Dame for free.

That hurt my chest. I think I'm getting boobs.

Don't cuss. Get your backpack. Rebecca's coming.

Why don't you have a girlfriend?

I don't know. Like who?

You should ask out Tina McAndrew.

Think she's seeing someone.

People shouldn't say that stuff.

You should ask her out on a date so people don't say that stuff.

One more, hook-and-go.

Hut-hut!

-Hey! Did you hear the news? -Which?

Laidlaw's wife came back, Tina's with her parents.

-And they're pissed! -At Laidlaw?

No, at Tina. Duh!

What are you doing here?

I shoot free throws during the free period.

Did you come in here to spy on me?

No.

Why do you shoot free throws? It's football season.

I don't really like football.

Then why do you play?

People say you like me.

I don't know why. There's nothing special about me.

Nothing special about me, either.

At least you have friends.

They're idiots.

They look up to you.

Just 'cause I don't talk a lot.

You're mysterious.

What do you guys talk about?

Stupid shit. The last game, the next game,

who would kill who in a fight between Grendel...

-Chris Sellers and Cubby Candy. -And me.

You talk about me.

I don't.

So, who would kill who,

between Cubby and Grendel?

I can't tell you.

-You don't know. -I do know.

It's my superpower.

Tell me.

I'd lose my superpower.

Okay, if I make this shot...

I'm still not gonna tell you.

Swish!

Thanks, Mitch.

Here's this...

Just as friends.

I'm dangerous.

Julia!

You could have told me that was a dead end.

You took off too fast.

So, that's the bison, huh?

Yeah, that's the bison all right.

He's so far away.

Wanna get closer?

-What, like inside the fence? -Sure.

Like on a horse?

No, they killed poor Alison.

Alison?

Like the song.

You named your horse Alison?

Well, that's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for your horse.

I'll get the truck.

Get up!

Get up!

Good boys.

What happens if I fall off?

You'll be trampled to death.

That was great. Thank you for that.

Yeah, it was, uh...

it's my pleasure.

A rare pleasure.

Thank you for the gloves.

Your truck is so cool.

Does it have a name, too?

It's a Sierra.

My purse is in the glove.

How much do you charge for the...

No, there's no charge. It was my pleasure.

Well, I'll... I'll pay you back in beer then.

At Yugo's?

We'll see about that.

When?

I'll probably be there tonight.

Me, too, probably.

For the record, I think your boyfriend's missing out.

Not my boyfriend.

-Thank you. -Anytime.

I'm a members-only fan of the stripper look.

He's not so bad, Mike, my husband.

We have similar interests, literature and humanities.

I mean, you were married.

-Thirty-seven years, Alma and I. -Thirty-seven years! Is she...

-We met in kindergarten. -Holy cow!

Your whole lives.

Minus the five pre-kindergarten years.

Right.

And what was it about her? How did you know?

I never cared much for dancing.

All the other girls only wanted you to take them out

so they'd have a dance partner,

but Alma could take it or leave it.

She... She was happy to drink punch,

you know, people-watch, go to games.

Common interests, I guess you'd say.

Common interests, exactly.

And they say the way you love a kid,

it doesn't even compare, so maybe it doesn't even matter.

They do say that.

-Gosh, sorry, no offense. -No, please.

Alma said to me one day, after a few years of trying,

"Are we doing this for us or for the neighbors?

"Just to get 'em to quit asking?"

But I do want kids.

Okay.

And then, like with Tina and Coach Laidlaw,

yes, maybe she is young, but who is to say that that isn't love?

That is so different! He is a grown man.

Anyone ever mention Williston or Darcy Bursch to you?

Who?

I don't like gossip.

I need to tend to Alma. You wanna meet her?

Fatal familial insomnia, it's a genetic disease.

She doesn't sleep.

She was delusional for a while,

and now they call this vegetative.

I'm so sorry, Horace.

Doctors think that she can hear, understand maybe.

I talk to her, sing her some standards.

You can say hello. Who knows?

Hello, Alma.

Hello.

There's a difference.

That's all I'm saying, there's a difference.

Hey, babe.

"Two gin-scented tears

"trickled down the sides of his nose.

"But it was all right.

"Everything was all right, the struggle was finished.

"He had won the victory over himself.

"He loved Big Brother."

Thank you, Rebecca.

Hey, everyone, remember the test is Friday.

If you haven't got to that page Miss Grooba read from,

I suggest you get to it!

Hey, Tina, would you hang back for a second?

What?

I wanted to check in with you, see how your semester's going.

I do my work on time, I'm getting high Cs,

what am I doing wrong?

Nothing. Nothing. I just wanted to say that if...

if you ever want to talk to an adult, because...

-When I was your age... -Can I go?

No, not yet. When I was your age,

I remember feeling like I didn't have options,

like I was trapped, I just... I...

What I want you to know is that life is long.

It is... long.

I-I wanted to be an essay writer,

a professional essayist,

but there is no market for that, like Latin fluency, philosophy.

I was a sucker for defending an indefensible thesis statement.

So if there's no market for the person you wanna be,

you should just move to another town,

pretend to be someone you're not?

No offense, but if I needed to talk to an adult,

why would I talk to you?

You're the only one with a worse reputation than me,

and I'm the town slut.

How about now? Can I go now?

'Cause I don't wanna

come home for Thanksgiving.

If Mike wants to see me so bad,

he can come here and prove it. Show some...

fucking initiative.

When is someone gonna show some initiative,

and come over to my world, Dad,

instead of me running all over creation

to accommodate everyone else?

No, I'll talk to her tomorrow.

Bye.

"Question ten, at the end of the novel

"Winston Smith dies after accepting Big Brother.

"Does this make him a hero or antihero?"

Tragic hero.

Because he saw the truth for a little and spoke it.

His eyes were open, even if they closed again.

Whatcha doing, weirdo?

-Nothing. -Going to the game tonight?

-No, I have plans. -Friday night, I'm sure you do.

Shall I take those off your hands?

Yeah, I'm not doing that,

because I'm good at my job, and perfectly capable

of grading English papers, because I'm a professional.

If you have a problem with me doing my job professionally,

we should take up with Principal Valentine.

I know all about Darcy Bursch and Williston!

So does everybody in this town.

I'm only asking for one of those midterms,

and I'm appealing to the better angels of your nature here.

One of your students will transfer this semester.

Actually, he/she will be taking next semester off

and starting up at a new school in the fall,

where myself and Principal Valentine

have put in a good word.

But it would look a lot better on his/her transfer application

if he/she had better than a high C in your class.

-'Cause he/she-- -Okay, I get it.

This was not my choice.

It was his/her and their parents.

Everyone deserves that, a second shot, you know...

to start over.

Hey, fuckers, who the fuck are Darcy Bursch and Williston?

Apparently, every fucker knows about them except me,

and I look like the tool of tools.

- I thought you were my friends. - Calm down!

Ted, which one's Darcy Bursch?

Darcy was a junior Coach Laidlaw impregnated three years ago,

who left town with her whole family.

Williston was the town Laidlaw was coach at before here,

until they kicked him out for knocking up a girl there.

Holy shit! Why didn't you tell me?

It's embarrassing, okay? Out of respect for the parents,

we, as a community, do not speak of it,

because we're good, we don't go rehashing

what whores everyone's daughters are.

Your boyfriend was in earlier.

I don't have one!

Vance was here with his brother getting loaded pregame.

Wanted to tell you 'cause he didn't ask after you.

He's at the game. Let's go get that fucker!

No, I have no interest in seeing Vance Druid!

No, not seeing, confronting!

He thinks he can stand you up

-an entire calendar month. -Ten days.

Then come into your bar with his brother?

These chauvinist men!

No, what? No, wait, I'm confused!

You're thirsty, drink this. And this.

Ted's driving, there's schnapps in the trunk.

What do you think?

Think I should put in a different quarterback?

Think it's time someone finally called your number?

You're the coach.

You see that there?

That is the reason we are down 13 points

on our home field right now.

Because instead of saying, "Put me in the game, Coach,

"I'm ready to play,"

Vanna White over here says, "You're the coach."

That's why we're losing.

Jesus fuckin' Christ.

You know, a team of men,

you can't keep them off the football field.

A team of girls, a team of Vannas,

they just sit there and say, "You're the coach."

What's it gonna be?

Are you a team of male homo sapiens?

Or are you a team of females, of female women,

who ride the bench their whole lives,

and use lipstick, and... and wear bras,

and insert fucking tampons?

Ew.

Owls on three! One, two, three! Owls!

Owls.

Why didn't you just ask to play?

Don't you like football?

Not really.

Well, you're different, Vanna.

That's okay.

My name's not Vanna, Grendel.

My name's not Grendel, it's Chris.

Cubby Candy says he'll beat the shit out of you.

He says because you play basketball, which is for queers,

so maybe he's a gay basher. I play basketball, too.

I thought you should know.

Why didn't I simply pay a visit?

Meet my cousin Alma when I had the chance?

Because you're wrong, Horace.

We do know where it's all headed,

eventually.

- We can predict the future. - Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Mystery man, I've been looking for you.

- Where you been? - She's looking for you.

I've been around.

-This is my brother Bo. -Ladies.

Stop looking at my chest. You wish!

I wanted you to know I've been disappointed.

I have been disappointed in your...

in your effort, in your follow through,

after our conversation, and the...

And the bison and the truck. I'm disappointed.

He is a disappointment, no surprise.

He can speak for himself!

My brother's not wrong. If you knew me, you'd know.

Don't tell me what I'd know if I knew you!

You haven't given me the chance!

I wanted to save your life!

No, Jules, too much. Too much.

You heard me, save your life!

If you'd just fucking

-show up and let me! -No, thank you.

-Is everything okay here? -No trouble, Horace.

Hey, Vance, cut it out. Julia.

-This man... -What's going on?

Talk about disappointment. The hand that he has been dealt

and he keeps showing up for 37 years!

That is devotion, that's follow through,

and she is in a coma, in a vegetative state.

-Takes one to know one I guess. -All right.

- Sorry, it's true! - Calm down a little!

Why can't I say it

-if it's true? -Calm down.

Horace, his heart has been broken.

- That's okay. - We know.

-Okay? I'm gonna go home now. -Okay.

- We're going home. - Horace.

-Tell him. Please tell him. -What? Tell him what?

-What? -That when you know you know.

When you know, you know!

-Tell him there's a difference. -Okay.

Let's go.

-Let's go. -Careful now.

- Tell him. Please! - Come on!

That's enough now.

- That's enough. - Tell him!

What is that? What are you wearing?

It's enough. Enough. Enough is enough.

Enough is enough.

Looks like Alma died.

Julia Rabia.

Hey, Dad.

Thank you for accepting the charges.

Mm. No, I'm not.

I'm not back at the apartments yet, not yet.

Soon.

How are you?

Oh, I can... Yeah, I can hear that. I...

Department shindig, I used to love those.

Is Mike there?

No. No, don't put him on, don't put him on.

Mm. No, I just tried him, I'll try later. Later, later.

Yeah, it's loud.

It sounds busy there, I'll let you go.

I'll let you go.

I have people here, too.

Mm-hmm.

No, don't get her. No, don't put her on. No.

Hi, Mom!

No, I don't... I don't know yet.

No, we...

We haven't made a definite plan yet, for coming home,

so I don't... I don't know yet.

I know.

Mom, I have to... Mom, I have to go. I have to go.

No, don't... don't say that, no.

No, I know.

I know, I know. I know, I know.

I love you, too.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Glass of water. On me.

Mm.

If I may...

I see a lot of humanity walk through that door,

and you, you're better than most.

And someone's gonna see that someday.

See you.

It's statistics. The whole world can't be blind.

-Thank you. -Sure.

And that guy, that lucky SOB, after he sees you,

after he looks you deep in the eyes,

he's gonna turn you around, and bend you over,

and make you a mommy.

And then your life will finally have some meaning.

Where the fuck do you think you're going?

You're not a good listener, Naomi.

Why? No one around here has anything to say!

Shut up! I'm just getting a ride!

Baby, can you come get me?

Hey, Mike.

Can you talk?

Solitude can have a salutary effect.

Huh. That's good to know.

For a couple of weeks, I stayed in my house,

wandering from room to room,

looking for something that was gone.

I can't imagine.

Sure, you can.

But then the queerest thing happened.

I noticed I was happy.

Of course I missed Alma, of course I loved her.

The day she died was the worst of my life.

And this is something I will never say out loud,

but I loved the emptiness of my house.

Or not emptiness, I was there.

But that illness had been terrible,

and the quiet now, the peace...

Isn't that Mrs. Laidlaw?

I'm not saying keeping company can't be nice,

but if people realized they didn't need someone else

to invent their happiness,

situations like Tina McAndrew would never happen.

- Liar. - What?

You said you'd never say it, you just said it out loud to me.

I'm just catching you up.

Mike and I are taking a break.

So, you can finish the year?

Yeah, at least that.

-Not my business. -Just catching you up.

What about kids?

My students are great.

I really like high school, I always have, it's just me.

I really have to get going.

This first period starts in 15 minutes.

"It's all about the Set!" A Winner's Guide to Volleyball.

It's finally happening! Oh, my God!

Guys, it's gonna be the best day ever! Did you hear?

Hear what? Hear what?

The fight! Grendel versus Cubby! It's finally happening!

After school, 4:30, at Old Carnoustie's Field!

It's... Apocalypse Rock City.

It's finally happening!

-Hey, teacher. -Oh!

Hey!

-Long time. -I know. Where you been?

I haven't seen you at Yugo's for a month now.

Yeah, I just, uh...

I needed to take a break. You get that?

I do.

I was hoping to bump into you.

Yes, well, you are at my place of work.

Right.

I thought I owed you an explanation

for dropping the ball earlier.

No, that's... that's okay.

I suffer from depression.

I get depressed.

It's not clinically diagnosed,

but I have, like, zero self-confidence.

I thought my life would turn out better than it is,

and I think that's why I get depressed.

Why are you telling me this?

'Cause in spite of all this depression,

I've worked up hopefulness to ask you out for a drink.

Or if you're sober now, a coffee sometime.

Sometime. Sure, that would be great.

I'll be at a place in Jamestown after six o'clock.

The Dutch Boy.

We'll see about that.

Hello.

Well, happy birthday, Marvin. Thanks for telling me.

If everyone's insisting, sure.

Yeah, no, dinner sounds great.

Okay, I'll head out then.

See you later.

-But everyone's going! -I don't want you to see it.

Get a ride from Jan's mom.

Odds are 4-1, Grendel takes it. What do you think?

How did this even happen?

Dudley Stonerock said after basketball Friday,

Grendel was complaining about his basketball shorts

and Dudley was like, "They're gay."

Then Grendel said somebody told him

Cubby said he was gay 'cause he plays basketball.

Dudley was like, "Sounds like him."

They pulled up next to Witch Tits,

she rolled down the window 'cause he was scowling.

She's like, "What's wrong with your boyfriend?"

But anyway, Grendel said that Cubby's a dead man.

Where is everyone?

Cubby doesn't get off work till 5:00.

I want it to be now!

...an extreme weather advisory.

People in these counties are advised to stay off roads.

Eddy, Foster, Griggs, Stutsman, Barnes...

What's he talking about? It's gorgeous.

Where is he? Where is he?

I'm right here.

- Are you ready to die? - This looks so fake.

Mitch, what's it gonna be?

Last chance to tell us what's gonna happen

before it happens.

Who wins? Cubby or Grendel?

Kill him! Kill him!

Fuck you! Don't talk to me!

-Cubby. -W-Why?

Grendel doesn't wanna die.

God, it's suddenly so cold.

-You're a fucking dead man! -Okay.

What did I tell you?

I don't know. I couldn't hear you.

Fuck this. You're dead!

I'm seven miles from Owl, but I have a full tank of gas.

I will not freeze as long as I stay inside the car.

I'm a quarter a mile from home,

but my fuel tank is almost empty.

I cannot stay in this car forever.

If I do, I will freeze.

There are two things to remember

when trapped in a car during a blizzard.

One, stay inside the vehicle.

Two, remain calm.

There are three things to remember

when trapped in your vehicle in a blizzard.

One, stay inside your vehicle.

Two, remain calm.

Three, periodically examine your exhaust pipe,

making sure it is not blocked by snow,

which can lead to carbon monoxide poisoning and death.

I'm 17 and I have so many regrets.

I should've talked to my parents more.

If playing football made me so unhappy,

why did I care about being good at it?

I'm gonna die a virgin.

Who cares?

Playing catch with my sister made me happy.

I love my sister.

In the future, people will get killed

by cataclysmic catastrophes like this all the time.

Storms and plague caused by man's neglect

for his planet and his future.

But this is the '80s,

and that was a righteous time to be alive.

So, this storm we're in now, it isn't fate, it's just nature.

Boy, I wish I had a magazine.

Okay.

My house is at the end of this driveway.

It's too far for me to crawl.

I think I will close my eyes until morning.

I'll listen to the radio and the wind,

and have nice dreams.

I'm just tired.

I deserve a break.

I will sleep when I'm dead.

I will sleep when I'm dead.

And this is what I was thinking

until I fell asleep

and it was true.

Hey. I was just nodding off.

What are you doing here?

I'm saving your life, man.

I guess at some point everyone thinks,

"Is this really where I'm supposed to be? Is this it?"

And you know what?

It really is.

This is what being alive feels like, you know?

The place doesn't matter.

You just live.