Original subtitles

Here's your bagel, Brent.

Awesome.

Ew, what is this?

It's double cream cheese, like you ordered.

I'm not putting triple cream cheese on it.

No, the bagel's raw.

It's not raw, it's just not toasted.

My toaster's not toasting.

That's kinda the one job of a toaster.

Otherwise it's just a mini funhouse mirror.

Ooh!

I look like Owen Wilson in a wind tunnel.

Hey, we should fix it.

It's probably just a wire.

Don't bother.

I'm really busy,

and it's just faster and cheaper

to order a new one online.

Yeah, yeah, whatever's fastest,

'cause this sucks.

Raw bagel...

What's next, ungrilled grilled cheese?

Fish and cold potato sticks?

No.

Don't just throw out a whole appliance

and clog the landfills.

Yeah, let's fix it.

Simple.

They don't make 'em like they used to.

Look at that milkshake machine.

It's like 100 years old, and it's still shakin'.

Literally.

It rattles and smokes.

The smoke does add a whole other dimension of flavour.

It's like chilled chicory.

Chilled chicory, chill-chill-charoo.

The point is,

it still shakes the milk, right?

Pulls all the boys into the yard and whatnot?

This is how those corporations get ya.

Making you buy new stuff

instead of fixing old stuff.

Yeah!

You don't want to end up

living inside a garbage mountain,

do you, Lacey?

Scavenging for food in piles of rotting trash,

pledging your fealty to the rat king?

What movies are you watching?

All right, fine.

We'll try to fix it.

Great.

I'm going to go buy a new drill.

Mine's dirty.

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

What are you looking at?

That courier wearing those tiny shorts again?

I can't stand that guy, flashing his thigh meat.

In my day, shorts went down to your ankles.

And they were called "pants."

I'm looking at the lawn.

I've told you a million times to mow it.

And I told you a million times,

the lawnmower's broken.

And I told you two million times

to fix the lawnmower

before the lawn gets out of hand.

I thought you said

before the lawn goes up to your hand.

Still got a way to go.

You're a tall drink of water.

I'm going to be a tall drink of angry

if you don't fix the damn lawnmower.

Today.

That grass is practically up to my knees.

Why are you so obsessed with knees?

Is it because of that delivery guy?

All I'm saying

is that a reverse spider-man could be just as good.

Reverse spider-man?

Is that a wrestling move?

I hope.

No, switch up the movie.

Radioactive man bites spider.

Think about it.

Mary Jane falls in love with a literal spider?

I love you.

I just don't know

which one of your eyes to gaze into.

All of them.

All of me.

All at once.

Okay, ew.

But how does it end?

They're stuck at home with a thousand babies?

I dunno, maybe.

I suck at endings.

Oh, hey, Davis,

what do you think makes a good movie ending?

Explosions,

smooching,

smooching during an explosion,

and I'd never say no to a dog finding his way home.

Why do you ask?

Because I have all these movie ideas,

and one that's almost finished.

Except I can't figure out the ending.

It's a rock'em, sock'em

space cowboy superhero adventure.

Ooh, I love that genre.

Genres.

Genrii?

You know this stuff.

Can you come over

and help me figure out an ending?

Hey, why don't you want my help?

I asked you two minutes ago.

You told me to stuff a duck.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Carry on.

Easy...

Careful...

Dangerous business.

You're not helping.

Help!

Oh, it's just my phone.

The Ruby.

Lacey? Is your toaster running?

Nice try, Brent.

Oldest joke in the book.

"Is my toaster running."

Yeah, I'll go catch it.

Hello?

I'm still jonesing for that bagel!

Okay, you're taking forever.

Let me in there.

Okay, well, then, you be careful.

I was just yanking your chain before.

How is anyone gonna get shocked

when it's unplugged?

Oh, right.

Hang on, it's supposed to be unplugged?

Okay.

Let's just try not to die, shall we?

Chaka Khan!

What the hell?

Sorry, wrong plug.

If you say you're going to do something,

you should do it,

but you always act like...

"I said I'd do it.

I didn't do it yet.

I'll do it after lunch.

What's for lunch?

Cut my crusts off!

My soup's too hot!

My water's too wet!"

Is that some kind of impression?

It doesn't sound like me at all!

Wet water?

Grab your coat!

We need to get groceries

or you're not making lunch for anybody.

"You're not making lunch for anybody.

Grab your coat."

Wait up.

I want to get your walk down.

How long have you had that limp?

I don't have a limp!

Whoa!

I didn't know you were into model trains.

I'm not. This is my movie.

Ooh, is it a train movie?

That's my sixth favourite genre.

It's not a train movie.

I'm a visual person,

so I-I use toys and landscapes

to think through the story.

So there's no script?

There is.

It's all up here.

I-I'll act it out for you.

Here's the hero, a space cowboy.

Some jokers call him Maurice.

You know, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.

Let's start at the beginning.

Fade In. Exterior.

Space Woods...

"Space Woods"?

Yeah, the movie's set in the woods.

I-In space.

Exterior.

Space Woods.

Night.

Hang on, is it always nighttime in space?

Three dollars?

What's this soup made of?

The Queen's spit?

"In my day, soup was a nickel!"

Why is this place so full on Friday morning?

"Yeah, don't you people have jobs?

Get back to work, ya lazy losers."

Will you stop that?

Sounds nothing like me.

Relax.

It's just a joke.

Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

Other people will think it's funny.

Hey, everyone! Who am I?

"In my day, shorts were pants,

couriers were ugly,

and soup was free!"

Are you okay, Emma?

I'm doing an impression.

See?

An impression of what,

a drunk penguin?

I think it was the box-of-chocolates guy!

Forrest...

Forest Whitaker?

DeForest Kelley?

Kelly Ripa?

It was Oscar!

Kelly Ripa won an Oscar?

I don't know about that.

Totally bombed!

"Hey, everybody. I'm Emma!

I think I can do impressions.

I like knitting

and wearing pink jackets."

OMG. That's...

just.. like her.

So Emma!

My goodness.

Do it again.

- I knew it! - We did it!

Success!

Ah, I never should've doubted us.

We did great.

It really feels good, you know?

To be self-sufficient!

Definitely.

It's like I can do anything.

- Woo-hoo-hoo! - Woo!

Who wants toast?

Oh! Hey!

I know what we should do next.

We should fix the milkshake machine.

Yeah, crack that pig!

Whoa, whoa, it's not really broken.

It just makes a scary sound.

And a bit of smoke.

Plus, it's been here since my Aunt Ruby owned the place.

Kinda like an heirloom.

Well, we can't make it worse.

I mean, come on.

I have a new drill.

Exactly.

Let's take a look under the hood, little lady.

Yikes.

Are you sure it's not demonic possession?

'Cause...

I need different tools for that.

It's not a demon, it's an appliance.

Come on, Lacey.

Well...

as long as we're super careful.

Piece of cake.

Did someone say "cake"?

What kind of cake?

It's not raw, is it?

Is your cakemaker broken?

And then, Maurice, the Space Cowboy,

rescues Space Pony Boy out of the moon sand,

and they join forces.

Is this a Commander Uranus action figure?

You don't see a lot of those.

Yeah, that's him.

Uh, but he's playing the role of Maurice.

Anyway. Space Pony Boy

has amnesia, and he can't remember

where he left his battle saddle...

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Oh, yeah, they're in this, too.

Except in my movie,

they're Beardy, Hoodie, and Shorty.

Maurice and Space Pony Boy

dodge asteroids as they charge on.

Riveting. Hey, Hank?

Do you by any chance still have the original box

Commander Uranus came in?

Where do you think he sleeps at night?

You have the original box?

Of course.

Except the duvet inside isn't original.

I made that myself.

Mint condition?

I know he looks great,

but his scars are psychological.

His father died in a bison stampede on Saturn.

But-but... that's all backstory.

Anyway.

Maurice picks up the rest of his crew,

Colonel Crater and Sergeant Solar,

and they're lured into the Space Forest,

where...

ZaZa Zebulon has sprung a trap!

Well, there's your problem.

Too many characters.

Blockbuster movies

only star one or two people.

It's never a large group on a quest.

Really?

I feel like Maurice could go.

Cut Maurice?

No way! He's the heart and soul.

Oh, I tell ya...

I can't even... I...

Hey, Mom.

Why so muttery?

I tried to do an impression

of your father,

and no one got it.

Ooh! I love impressions.

"Yeah. I'll give him a horse's head

he can't refuse, see?"

"Please, sir, can I have a martini,

shaken, not stirred?"

Ooh, hang on, that... That one got away from me.

I'm not sure you ever had it.

Well, let's hear yours.

"Hey, squid brain!

Where'd you learn impressions?

The idiot academy?"

Hmm. The voice is pretty good,

and you certainly have the cruelty down.

I know.

And no one got it.

Then your father did an impression of me,

and it was just...

"I'm Emma, and I do this.

I'm Emma. I'm wearing that."

It's not even an impression.

He just said he was me and said what I do,

and those jerks loved it.

Maybe I'll just do that about him.

What? No! No way. Don't dumb it down.

Good impressions are all about nuance and subtext.

You need to get to the root of what makes Dad tick.

Shadow his every move.

Crawl inside his head.

I've been with him 24/7/45.

Trust me, there's nothing in that head.

But I'll do it...

if only to wipe that smug smile

off your stupid father's snotty face.

Have you guys ever even thought about divorce?

Oh, ho!

So here's what was making it smoke.

The motor has melted butterscotch all over it.

And there's a really loose coupling here

which would account for the vibrating.

And I found an earring!

That's a washer.

Right.

We are so good at fixing stuff.

So I'll just scrape off

the butterscotch, and then...

I'll tighten the coupling,

and we just have to put it back together.

Easy-peasy!

Now, where does this part go?

That's something else.

So, after escaping ZaZa,

and climbing to the top of the Space Iceberg...

"Spaceberg"?

Ooh, nice! I'll write that down in my head.

Commander Uranus runs afoul

of the Gunman Brothers, Ron and Mike,

but their weapons are no match for Maurice's lava lasso.

I like everything so far,

but if you want to sell this in Hollywood nowadays,

you need strong female characters.

Lose some of these dudes.

Way ahead of you.

I'm going to ask Jodie Foster to produce,

Kathryn Bigelow to direct,

Mindy Kaling to punch it up,

plus Emma Thompson is gonna play ZaZa.

She really impressed me in Sense and Sensibility.

But...

I'm also giving Emma Thompson

a really steamy love scene with a Hemsworth.

Which Hemsworth?

Does it matter? "Ladies..."

That's all good,

but there's still too many dudes.

Geez, you really got it in for Maurice.

Fine, I'll just change Ron and Mike Gunman

to Ron and Mike Gunwoman.

That woke enough for ya?

I'll be right with you, Oscar.

I came in here for a muffin, not to be surrounded by junk!

This isn't junk.

It's a deconstructed heirloom.

What?

Just callin' to remind ya

to put your phone on vibrate.

You need to be secretive, so be very quiet.

Hey! Put me on Facetime. I want to watch!

That boy really needs a hobby.

I got it!

What does that part do?

What does it do?

It pinches down the flat part by the clippy thing.

Pay attention.

One muffin, maybe a coffee.

Is that too much to ask?

The service here stinks.

That's the burnt butterscotch.

Maybe instead of whining,

you could go home and fix your lawnmower.

How'd you know about that?

I heard Emma complaining.

I think she was doing

an impression of Clint Eastwood.

Look! It's like a baby Slinky.

Whoops!

Ow! Hey! Watch it!

First a lecture, then assault!

Gah!

Cancel my muffin!

I don't have to take this!

But I'll take this.

Let's see how smug you are

without your...

whatever the hell this is.

So? How'd it go?

We got cut off.

I followed him around for hours,

and didn't learn anything new.

Well, I've been thinking.

You might want to try costuming.

It can really help you get into character.

You had me spend hours following your father,

and all I needed was a hat?

Don't shrug, ya doughy moron!

Quit starin' at me

like a slack-jawed hairless hog!

Wow.

That impression is bang-on.

I immediately felt frustrated,

annoyed, and sad, all at once.

You think I'm ready to show this off?

Definitely.

Let's go share the misery.

And then,

the goose to Maurice's father drowns in lava.

The... end.

Huh. Kinda...

underwhelming.

I know! I-it's not working.

I think it's the concept.

Superhero space cowboys are really overdone.

But the next big trend?

Shape-shifters.

Like maybe you make Space Pony Boy the hero,

and not Maurice.

The pony shapeshifts into ZaZa Zebulon,

played by Emma Thompson.

Then you got your shape-shifter,

your strong female character...

it's perfect!

Oh, I like it.

A-and ZaZa Zebulon could fall in love

with Sergeant Solar.

Sergeant Solar?

The intergalactic police officer?

And Maurice's best friend.

He always does the right thing.

He's honourable, noble...

the one man Maurice can trust,

the one man who will never screw him over.

A rock-solid pillar of...

All right. All right.

I can't do this.

I was trying to get you to cut Maurice

because I wanted to take

your Commander Uranus action figure

and sell it.

It's really valuable.

So all this time,

I thought you were trying to help me,

and you were just trying to cash in?

Ur-ay-nus is worth a lot of money.

I mean "Uranus."

That's weird.

You said "Uranus" every other time.

Why would you pronounce it like that

this one time?

It was just a mistake.

When did they start pronouncing it "Uranus"?

'Cause when I was a kid...

It doesn't matter how you say it,

you were trying to rip me off.

But look!

This one sold for 2,000 bucks.

Selling him

could solve a lot of your cash problems.

Why should I trust you?

You could be trying to dupe me out of my awesome movie idea,

steal my hero, and take it to Hollywood.

How would I take it to Hollywood?

It's all in your head!

I'd have to take your whole head.

That's worse!

Listen to yourself!

Your movie's a long shot at best,

but this is a sure thing.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,

but 2,000 birds...

how do you even hold that many birds?

Good problem to have, don't you think?

A Hollywood movie is worth millions.

Maybe billions,

once you factor in merchandising.

You think I should trade in a billion dollars for 2,000?

Nice math.

Remind me to never let you do my taxes,

if I ever file my taxes.

Ohh! Now I know what it must be like

to climb a mountain...

A mountain with a lot of pieces.

Oh, boy, when I saw the square screws,

I almost threw in the towel,

but... I think we did it.

Moment of truth.

Oh, come on!

Why isn't it working?

I don't know. We used all the pieces.

Gah, I give up.

Take me to the rat king!

We can't give up.

This was my Aunt Ruby's.

It has sentimental value.

It can still be sentimental

and not work.

Yeah, you still love your aunt, right?

She's not making milkshakes anymore.

That came out harsher than I wanted it to.

You thought a "dead aunt" joke

wouldn't come out harsh?

You know what?

We'll buy you a new one off Quick Shipper.

It'll be here tomorrow.

No way.

We can't let the corporations win.

Wait, did you say "Quick Shipper"?

I own stock in that.

We're done here.

Think what you could do if you sold it.

Wouldn't you like to pay Brent back

some of the money you owe him?

Buy a new radio for your truck?

You could get two radios. Stereo!

It'd be nice to pay Brent back.

And me.

There's a matter of my finder's fee.

Your what?

You know, the 10 to 30% you'll pay me

to help you sell this thing.

It'll take some work to find the right buyer.

You want Commander Uranus to go to a good home.

Okay.

If it'll help out you and Brent,

and Commander Uranus,

I'll do it.

Let's sell.

All right!

You get the box.

I'll take his hat off, and...

Is this glued on?

Superglued.

What?

Now it's worthless.

Why would you do that?

His hat kept blowing off.

There's no wind in space.

There's space wind!

Look it up.

I can't believe

I let you two near that milkshake machine.

It's the mechanic's high.

The kiss of cold metal,

the grease in my veins...

what a rush!

You call that a pour?

Half of it's foam.

What are you trying to pull, you sidewinder?

Uh, sorry, Emma.

I'll pour you another one.

You okay?

You need a coughdrop?

You've been really snarky all day, Emma.

Everything okay?

Ha! No one gets it.

That's not me.

You're terrible at this.

What's wrong with you people?

I'm Oscar, you jackasses!

I'm wearing a hat, idiots!

I'm cheap and mean for no reason.

My wife is too good for me.

I'm cranky.

You're all a bunch of jackasses!

OMG! That's totally Oscar!

The hell it is!

I'm Oscar!

Great, my mom's a hack.

I thought you weren't gonna

stoop to Dad's level.

You're just saying you're him

and what he does.

I'm Brent, and I've got nerdy glasses,

and I think I know everything.

That's totally him!

That's Brent.

No, I'm Brent.

And I'm leaving.

OMG. Nailed it!

I'm Emma.

I wasted a whole day

trying to do a dumb impression

of my husband.

I'm Oscar!

I stole a part

from Lacey's milkshake machine

so the girls couldn't fix it.

He did what?

I knew something was off.

He stole a part?

I could arrest him for that.

Except I'm off duty, and I don't really want to.

I'm Emma,

and my husband is doing prison time

because I'm a snitch.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble

about the movie thing...

especially since

you based Sergeant Solar on me.

Oh, he wasn't based on you.

He was based on Karen.

But Sergeant Solar's a sergeant.

Karen's not a sergeant.

It's a movie, Davis.

It's made up.

30% of this bill is yours.

Missing piece installed.

Prepare for launch!

Solving the climate crisis,

one appliance at a time.

Get ready to celebrate

with toast and milkshakes.

Mm.

There's the chicory.

♪ I don't know

♪ The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know

♪ I just... don't know

♪ Ooh...

♪ It's a great big place

♪ Ooh...

♪ Full of nothin' but space

♪ Ooh...

♪ And it's my happy place

♪ I don't know ♪

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