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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,812 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:04,789 --> 00:00:07,136 I'm looking for Wanda Dollard. 3 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:09,484 Now you're looking at one of the Dollard. 4 00:00:08,519 --> 00:00:10,994 I'm from East Montgomery University. 5 00:00:11,029 --> 00:00:13,256 Hey! I took online courses there. 6 00:00:13,291 --> 00:00:15,689 Listen, if this is about the tuition, 7 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,509 I did not know my credit card was maxed out, 8 00:00:18,511 --> 00:00:20,876 or expired... or not mine. 9 00:00:20,878 --> 00:00:22,909 I'm here to deliver your doctorate degree 10 00:00:22,911 --> 00:00:26,065 in Philosophy. Congratulations! 11 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:29,452 You're now an alumnus of the Fighting Ostriches. 12 00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:35,234 The school is E.M.U. but the mascot is an ostrich? 13 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,849 Well, damn. 14 00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:38,975 I'll have to bring that up at the next meeting. 15 00:00:39,117 --> 00:00:41,446 Question. Why are you hand-delivering 16 00:00:41,481 --> 00:00:43,629 my diploma for an online degree? 17 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,029 You didn't untick the option for hand delivery. 18 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,467 That probably shouldn't be our default. 19 00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:50,928 I'll bring that up at the next meeting too. 20 00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:54,784 Anyway, now you can say goodbye to this dead-end job 21 00:00:54,797 --> 00:00:57,108 and embark on a career in Philosophy. 22 00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:59,053 'Cause that's where the real money is. 23 00:00:59,245 --> 00:01:01,706 I only took the courses to up my small-talk game. 24 00:01:01,834 --> 00:01:03,944 Now instead of talking weather with the farmers, 25 00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:07,149 I can mix it up with a little "Do we have free will?" 26 00:01:07,245 --> 00:01:09,121 Or "How about that Nietzsche? Huh? 27 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,876 He could really ruin a church picnic, 28 00:01:10,878 --> 00:01:13,297 - am I right?" - I don't teach Philosophy. 29 00:01:13,332 --> 00:01:15,218 I teach Mathematical Probability. 30 00:01:15,318 --> 00:01:19,821 - So why did they send you? - I drew the short straw. 31 00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:24,342 I've been waiting 20 years to make that joke! 32 00:01:25,623 --> 00:01:29,258 We're done here. I've got a 32-hour trip ahead of me. 33 00:01:30,086 --> 00:01:33,786 ♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪ 34 00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:37,052 ♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪ 35 00:01:37,154 --> 00:01:40,219 2x11 - Doctors Without Borders 36 00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:46,553 Hey, Brent. You seem chipper today. 37 00:01:46,555 --> 00:01:48,686 I should be chipper. It's my day off. 38 00:01:48,688 --> 00:01:50,619 Plus, I just had some chips. 39 00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:53,319 - Oh, yass! - Nice! 40 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,586 Hey, watch it! 41 00:01:54,588 --> 00:01:57,553 What's yer prob? We're grinding a rail. 42 00:01:57,555 --> 00:01:59,352 It's government property, ya punks. 43 00:01:59,354 --> 00:02:01,852 - Go grind something else. - Ew. 44 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,719 Wow. You went from chipper to curmudgeon 45 00:02:05,721 --> 00:02:07,553 pretty quick there, old timer. 46 00:02:07,555 --> 00:02:10,098 - You're Oscar 2.0. - No, I'm not. 47 00:02:10,135 --> 00:02:13,919 Now, scram, or I'll call the feds! Okay, that was reminiscent. 48 00:02:13,921 --> 00:02:15,919 Well, I think it's great that they're skateboarding. 49 00:02:15,921 --> 00:02:18,186 Better than being on their phones all day. 50 00:02:18,188 --> 00:02:20,286 Listen to The Lace. She's so cool. 51 00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,785 Oh, geez. Well, I'm not that cool. 52 00:02:22,787 --> 00:02:25,219 Just compared to this dinosaur. 53 00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:28,653 - "Scram! I'm a hundred!" - Ooh, sick burn! 54 00:02:28,655 --> 00:02:30,252 You're the GOAT, Lace. 55 00:02:30,254 --> 00:02:32,386 Oh, hear that? I'm a goat. 56 00:02:32,388 --> 00:02:34,019 Why am I a goat? 57 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:37,119 Probably has something to do with chin whiskers. 58 00:02:39,587 --> 00:02:42,852 - It's unconstitutional! - What, parking tickets? 59 00:02:42,854 --> 00:02:44,352 What's your beef, copper! 60 00:02:44,354 --> 00:02:46,718 You get off on stickin' it to the little guy! 61 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,119 Why are you kicking up a fuss? It's not even our car. 62 00:02:50,121 --> 00:02:53,519 - It's not even a car. - I'm just making a point. 63 00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:56,119 Why do you never support me, woman? 64 00:02:56,121 --> 00:02:59,152 I do support you. There was that time I... 65 00:02:59,154 --> 00:03:03,119 Oh. No. Well, that other time I... 66 00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:06,052 - Huh. I'll be darned. - See? 67 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,419 Fine. Whatever you randomly oppose next, 68 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,019 I'll support you 100%. 69 00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:15,252 Why are you writing that ticket with your left hand? 70 00:03:15,254 --> 00:03:17,219 'Cause I'm... left-handed? 71 00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:20,286 Left-handed! That's an abomination! 72 00:03:20,288 --> 00:03:22,818 Right, Emma? Right? 73 00:03:23,421 --> 00:03:28,985 I support you 100%, and regret this already. 74 00:03:31,719 --> 00:03:35,386 "Doc-toriss... Phil-o-so... raptor?" 75 00:03:35,388 --> 00:03:37,319 It's my degree, Dorkus idioticus. 76 00:03:37,321 --> 00:03:40,452 - I'm now officially a doctor of... - You're a doctor? 77 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,419 - Uh, can you look at this rash? - Not without vomiting. 78 00:03:43,421 --> 00:03:45,519 So you're not a doctor? 79 00:03:45,521 --> 00:03:48,319 I'm different kind of doctor, a doctor of Philosophy, 80 00:03:48,321 --> 00:03:51,152 but you should definitely put some balm on your butt. 81 00:03:51,154 --> 00:03:53,518 Butt balm, got it. Thanks, Dr. Wanda. 82 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,386 That wasn't a medical diagnosis, just common sense. 83 00:03:56,388 --> 00:03:57,685 But keep up the "Dr. Wanda" stuff. 84 00:03:57,687 --> 00:04:00,019 A doctor could get used to that. 85 00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:03,386 Hey, "The Lace." Am I using that right? 86 00:04:03,388 --> 00:04:05,152 "The Lace." "Lacers." 87 00:04:05,154 --> 00:04:08,352 "The GOAT," apparently. I answer to all of them. 88 00:04:08,354 --> 00:04:10,319 What can I do for you, old timer? 89 00:04:10,321 --> 00:04:12,352 Can I get a table out on the patio? 90 00:04:12,354 --> 00:04:15,152 - Sure. Why? - Oh, you know us old folks. 91 00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:18,618 Need the Vitamin D to ward off osteoporosis. 92 00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:20,952 Plus, looks like a lot going on out there. 93 00:04:20,954 --> 00:04:22,785 There is? 94 00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:27,885 Hey! 95 00:04:28,053 --> 00:04:29,943 - Hey, Lacey! - Lacers! 96 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,386 - Lace-up! - Oh, what's up, guys? 97 00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:36,152 What brings you here to the, uh... goat... pen? 98 00:04:36,154 --> 00:04:37,451 You're the only adult in town 99 00:04:37,453 --> 00:04:39,252 who doesn't rag on us for skateboarding. 100 00:04:39,254 --> 00:04:40,518 So we thought we'd come hang here. 101 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:44,286 - You're cool, right? - Yeah, you're cool, right, Lacers? 102 00:04:44,288 --> 00:04:46,685 Cool, groovy, 23 skidoo? 103 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,518 I can't keep up with you youngsters 104 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,652 and your funky slang and your gender-fluid apps. 105 00:04:51,654 --> 00:04:56,518 Oh, yeah, uh, absolutely. Supes cool. 106 00:04:58,187 --> 00:04:59,767 Hey, knock that off! 107 00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:03,186 - What? - Uh, knock that flower pot off 108 00:05:03,188 --> 00:05:06,385 so there's more room for you to do your grindboarding. 109 00:05:06,387 --> 00:05:08,912 Didn't the military outlaw that? 110 00:05:10,153 --> 00:05:12,370 Whoa, okay, stop it! 111 00:05:13,253 --> 00:05:18,085 And, uh, come inside for some fries on the house! 112 00:05:18,087 --> 00:05:20,052 Whoo-hoo! All right! 113 00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:22,585 - Free fries! Count me in. - Not for you, Pops, 114 00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:24,219 but I'll give you the senior's discount. 115 00:05:24,221 --> 00:05:26,885 Burn, but sold. 116 00:05:30,452 --> 00:05:33,286 I want you to feel my bump. 117 00:05:33,288 --> 00:05:36,994 Look, uh, I like you, Mavis, but, uh... 118 00:05:38,053 --> 00:05:39,818 Squishy. Bumpy. 119 00:05:39,820 --> 00:05:42,019 - We all done here? - "Squishy"? 120 00:05:42,287 --> 00:05:45,852 I came here for some medical advice from a doctor. 121 00:05:45,854 --> 00:05:48,418 Who said I was a... 122 00:05:49,786 --> 00:05:52,785 Oh, sorry, Mavis. I'm not that kind of a doctor. 123 00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,952 I knew it. I mean, you're smart, 124 00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,818 but you're not doctor smart. 125 00:05:56,820 --> 00:06:00,219 Hey! I am a doctor, and I know what that is. 126 00:06:00,221 --> 00:06:01,451 It's called a ganglion. 127 00:06:01,453 --> 00:06:03,952 I want you to treat it, not name it. 128 00:06:03,954 --> 00:06:07,952 It's a benign irritant... with a cyst on her wrist. 129 00:06:07,954 --> 00:06:09,219 My cousin had one of those. 130 00:06:09,221 --> 00:06:10,985 You just have to hit it with something hard. 131 00:06:10,987 --> 00:06:12,852 - Hey-o! - Oh! 132 00:06:12,854 --> 00:06:15,919 Hey, it's gone! Oh, thank you, Wanda. 133 00:06:15,921 --> 00:06:17,727 Dr. Wanda. 134 00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:23,815 Left-handed police officers. What's next? 135 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:24,731 Left-handed soccer players? 136 00:06:24,733 --> 00:06:27,566 - Why would that even... - Good morning. 137 00:06:27,568 --> 00:06:28,798 It most certainly is not! 138 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,665 Your partner is from H-E-double hockey sticks! 139 00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,432 I don't really follow sports. 140 00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:37,831 - I'm saying Davis can't be trusted. - You're telling me. 141 00:06:37,999 --> 00:06:41,032 He took all my cheese strings and didn't replace them, 142 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,898 or eat them. He just made little cheddar puppets. 143 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,132 I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Karen. 144 00:06:46,134 --> 00:06:49,065 Brace yourself. Davis is... 145 00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:49,998 left-handed! 146 00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:53,132 So am I. 147 00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:55,332 You and Davis are both lefties? 148 00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:58,798 - Do you know what that means? - They excel in the arts? 149 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,551 They need a special can opener? 150 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,499 It means that 100% of the Dog River police force 151 00:07:03,501 --> 00:07:06,098 is left-handed. Sinister! 152 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:10,165 Sinistra! That's "left" in Latino. 153 00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:14,438 - Is he okay? - I support him 100% 154 00:07:14,538 --> 00:07:17,198 in his view that lefties are... What was it again? 155 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,592 - An abomin... - "An abomination." 156 00:07:20,966 --> 00:07:22,598 So how much for the cheese strings? 157 00:07:25,892 --> 00:07:28,925 Three more plates of bottomless free fries. 158 00:07:28,927 --> 00:07:30,891 Can I get some more? Mine are cold. 159 00:07:30,893 --> 00:07:32,225 Maybe you shouldn't have poured 160 00:07:32,227 --> 00:07:35,754 an entire bottle of ketchup on them. 161 00:07:37,627 --> 00:07:39,525 My bad! I meant to hit Zeke. 162 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,758 - Oh! - My bad. 163 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,225 My old grip's not what it used to be. 164 00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:45,691 Napkin Fight! 165 00:07:45,693 --> 00:07:47,659 Whoo! 166 00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:48,925 Missed me! 167 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,592 Lookin' a little warm, The Coolest. 168 00:07:51,594 --> 00:07:53,991 I'm just fine, The Oldest. 169 00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:56,724 Can I get a glass of prune juice while you're in there? 170 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,659 Keeps the train on time. 171 00:07:58,661 --> 00:08:00,325 Ugh! Old people are gross. 172 00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:04,691 This is a left-handed crisis! 173 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:08,358 First Davis, and now Karen. It's an epidemic. 174 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,825 Who's next? We need to rally the righties. 175 00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:13,525 But maybe it's time to find something new 176 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:16,625 to be irration... ... passionate about. 177 00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:19,624 The important thing is that you, you voiced your concern, 178 00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:22,225 and I backed you up, and now it's over. 179 00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:24,565 - Right? - Wrong! 180 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,791 Left ain't right! 181 00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,758 Left ain't right! 182 00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:34,944 Left ain't right! Left ain't right! 183 00:08:34,946 --> 00:08:36,944 You're not all here to protest the fact 184 00:08:36,946 --> 00:08:38,445 that we're lefties, are you? 185 00:08:38,447 --> 00:08:39,378 Yes! 186 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:40,545 Just like we've always been, 187 00:08:40,547 --> 00:08:42,344 and you've never had a problem with it. 188 00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:43,344 Yes! 189 00:08:43,346 --> 00:08:45,211 What do you want us to do, quit? 190 00:08:45,213 --> 00:08:47,095 You lefties are so dramatic. 191 00:08:47,096 --> 00:08:48,977 We don't want you to quit. 192 00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:52,311 We simply want you to become right-handed! 193 00:08:54,313 --> 00:08:55,378 Sounds reasonable. 194 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:57,311 - Does it? - I don't know. 195 00:08:57,313 --> 00:08:59,545 I just see a bunch of tax-paying voters 196 00:08:59,547 --> 00:09:01,344 who are upset about something, 197 00:09:01,346 --> 00:09:02,378 so do what they want. 198 00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:05,611 - But that's mob rule. - Yeah! Mobs rule! 199 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,445 Mobs! Mobs! Mobs! 200 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,244 I guess we're right-handed now. 201 00:09:12,078 --> 00:09:14,944 What's with the cake? I can't cure diabetes. 202 00:09:16,179 --> 00:09:18,344 I am aware there is no cure for diabetes. 203 00:09:18,346 --> 00:09:19,478 I brought you this cake 204 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,111 as "thank you" for banging my ganglion. 205 00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:23,478 Whoa, when did that happen? 206 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,444 Aw, Mavis. I can't accept payment for that. 207 00:09:28,112 --> 00:09:28,911 Ow! 208 00:09:29,078 --> 00:09:30,378 You a doctor? This is doctor cake. 209 00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:32,944 I helped! I'm kinda your nurse. 210 00:09:32,946 --> 00:09:36,211 Uh, Doctor Wanda, can you listen to my heart? 211 00:09:36,213 --> 00:09:37,811 I've brought a flan. 212 00:09:37,813 --> 00:09:40,311 Listen, Helen, I'm not a medical... 213 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,478 Is that caramel? Sure, I'll take a look at your tart. 214 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,395 Uh... heart. 215 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,144 You pea'd your pants! 216 00:09:52,146 --> 00:09:54,545 "Pea" with an "A"! Good one! 217 00:09:54,547 --> 00:09:57,445 Oh, no, it's Officer Right Hand 218 00:09:57,447 --> 00:09:59,378 coming in for a drink of coffee. 219 00:10:00,313 --> 00:10:01,677 Ow! 220 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,977 Now it looks like you peed your pants, with an "E." 221 00:10:05,179 --> 00:10:06,545 Knock off the giggling, you ninnies! 222 00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:09,178 This right-handed stuff is serious business. 223 00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:11,211 - Hey, we're trying. - Not hard enough. 224 00:10:11,213 --> 00:10:13,344 From now on, I'm following you two around 225 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,211 to make sure you stay on the path. 226 00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:16,445 The right path. 227 00:10:17,846 --> 00:10:19,944 Hey, Emma, I was wondering 228 00:10:19,945 --> 00:10:22,278 if I could get your help with something. 229 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,445 - A lot of the local teens are... - Teens are what? 230 00:10:25,447 --> 00:10:27,044 Is there problem, Goat-chella? 231 00:10:27,046 --> 00:10:28,577 And tell me in words I can understand. 232 00:10:28,579 --> 00:10:30,378 None of your hip street jive. 233 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:35,041 No problem. Everything is absolutely lit. 234 00:10:35,512 --> 00:10:36,744 Ow! 235 00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:39,877 That's a right-handed door! Come on, Emma! 236 00:10:40,045 --> 00:10:42,877 We're following these degenerates around all day. 237 00:10:42,879 --> 00:10:45,577 How about I support you remotely, 238 00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:48,211 by keeping an eye out for other lefties in town? 239 00:10:48,213 --> 00:10:50,677 Good thinking, woman! 240 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:52,977 Don't ever get married. 241 00:10:57,279 --> 00:10:59,618 Dr. Wanda will see you now. 242 00:10:59,678 --> 00:11:02,510 - I need an oil filter. - Do you have an appointment? 243 00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:05,344 Hey, Won, let's get you up on the table. 244 00:11:06,346 --> 00:11:08,477 Hank... 245 00:11:09,512 --> 00:11:12,178 Nurse Hank, can you get the phone? 246 00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:14,311 Nurses do everything. 247 00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:16,211 Corner Gas General, Nurse Hank speaking. 248 00:11:16,213 --> 00:11:18,311 Well, that's nothing to be concerned about. 249 00:11:18,313 --> 00:11:19,610 Can I talk to Wanda for a sec? 250 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,278 The doctor is busy right now. 251 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,011 Are you guys... playing doctor? 252 00:11:24,013 --> 00:11:26,211 Playing? I wish. 253 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,510 No, Wanda's really a doctor, and I'm her nurse. 254 00:11:28,512 --> 00:11:30,577 Please don't bleed on the ham! 255 00:11:30,579 --> 00:11:32,411 Well, I was just calling to check in, 256 00:11:32,413 --> 00:11:34,944 make sure everything was weird and didn't make sense. 257 00:11:34,946 --> 00:11:35,577 Carry on. 258 00:11:38,511 --> 00:11:41,211 I owe you... "bum circle"? 259 00:11:41,213 --> 00:11:46,944 That's not a bum, it's a "3." 3-0. $30. 260 00:11:46,946 --> 00:11:49,077 Ow! Son of a... 261 00:11:55,879 --> 00:11:57,610 I'm drawing a line, Oscar. 262 00:11:57,612 --> 00:12:00,278 Draw it with your right hand! 263 00:12:04,138 --> 00:12:06,537 - Nurse. - Doctor. 264 00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:09,005 Did you have the audacity to take the sliver out 265 00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:11,471 of Michelle's thumb while I was on a lunch break? 266 00:12:11,473 --> 00:12:13,338 Your whole day is a lunch break. 267 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:16,503 - Excuse me? - Yes, I did, and I nailed it. 268 00:12:16,505 --> 00:12:17,637 I even earned a croissant. 269 00:12:17,639 --> 00:12:21,704 Nurses don't get pastries! Doctors get pastries! 270 00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:23,471 Now, stick to your medical duties, 271 00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:26,004 and stack that wiper fluid. 272 00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,904 Uh-uh-uh... 273 00:12:27,906 --> 00:12:30,937 I need you to get those skateboarders 274 00:12:30,939 --> 00:12:32,338 out of The Ruby. 275 00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:34,304 This whole thing has gotten out of hand. 276 00:12:34,306 --> 00:12:35,904 Please don't use the word "hand." 277 00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,904 Well, did you ask them to leave? 278 00:12:37,906 --> 00:12:40,537 I can't. I need them to think I'm cool. 279 00:12:40,539 --> 00:12:42,921 Plus, there's this whole back and forth teasing 280 00:12:42,922 --> 00:12:45,304 thing with Brent that I really need to win. 281 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,758 Have you considered 282 00:12:46,793 --> 00:12:48,870 that we might have more important things to do 283 00:12:48,872 --> 00:12:51,470 than deal with your guys's weird flirty stuff? 284 00:12:51,472 --> 00:12:54,637 Flirting? Grow up. This isn't high school. 285 00:12:54,639 --> 00:12:59,037 It's about me looking cool in front of teenagers. 286 00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:01,587 - Here's the thing, Lacey... - I prefer "The Lace." 287 00:13:01,589 --> 00:13:04,087 Here's the thing, Lacey. We can't do anything 288 00:13:04,089 --> 00:13:06,054 unless you make a formal complaint, 289 00:13:06,056 --> 00:13:08,488 and if you do that, the kids will find out. 290 00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:11,787 So we can't lend you a hand to give you the upper hand. 291 00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:14,054 I can't stop saying "hand." 292 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:18,687 - Ow! - Let it go, Oscar. 293 00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,653 We've been right-handed all day. 294 00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:22,221 It's not that easy. 295 00:13:22,223 --> 00:13:25,987 There's a scientific process to abandoning the dark side. 296 00:13:25,989 --> 00:13:28,620 You've barely made it through Phase One. 297 00:13:28,622 --> 00:13:31,520 - ... of two? - Of 12! 298 00:13:31,522 --> 00:13:33,520 I don't feel so good. 299 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:37,221 - Maybe I should go see Dr. Wanda. - Wanda's a doctor? 300 00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:40,337 I'm hearing reports that you're operating 301 00:13:40,338 --> 00:13:42,187 an unlicensed medical clinic? 302 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,287 - Uh... technically. - Great. 303 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:45,321 I need a doctor's note 304 00:13:45,323 --> 00:13:47,587 that me and Davis are now medically right-handed. 305 00:13:47,589 --> 00:13:48,754 Happy to help. 306 00:13:51,355 --> 00:13:54,620 - Whoo! - Please, no cheering. 307 00:13:54,622 --> 00:13:56,553 Always keen to use my power for good. 308 00:13:56,555 --> 00:13:58,787 No, you're on StarMyDoc.com, 309 00:13:58,789 --> 00:14:00,421 and you've got a really high rating. 310 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,820 Really? Yay me! 311 00:14:02,822 --> 00:14:05,653 I mean, I'm not that kind of doctor, 312 00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:09,759 but they called it "StarMyDoc." Pretty vague. 313 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,876 It's really their fault for not specifying. 314 00:14:11,911 --> 00:14:14,221 So in conclusion, yay me! 315 00:14:19,839 --> 00:14:23,170 Five stars, five stars, five stars. 316 00:14:23,172 --> 00:14:26,704 - These reviews are amazing. - Sure, I'm good. 317 00:14:26,706 --> 00:14:28,004 Talented, even. 318 00:14:28,006 --> 00:14:30,136 Am I popular? Clearly. 319 00:14:30,138 --> 00:14:31,870 But these websites don't actually mean... 320 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,203 One star? Who gave me one star? 321 00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:36,704 "Doctor Wanda would rather take lunch 322 00:14:36,706 --> 00:14:38,770 than treat her patients in need, 323 00:14:38,772 --> 00:14:41,470 but top marks for Nurse Hank!" Aww... 324 00:14:41,738 --> 00:14:43,637 I'm gonna track down this @DogRiverMichelle person, 325 00:14:43,639 --> 00:14:45,737 whoever she is, and give her a piece of my... 326 00:14:45,739 --> 00:14:47,470 Oh! It's probably Michelle. 327 00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:54,763 If you're here to gloat, go away. 328 00:14:54,765 --> 00:14:58,263 No gloat, GOAT. Just soaking up the chaos. 329 00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:00,864 Why don't you just kick them out? 330 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:03,964 Because... this is the first time in my life 331 00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:06,097 anybody ever thought I was cool. 332 00:15:06,099 --> 00:15:09,030 I'll tell you what's cool. Being a crusty curmudgeon. 333 00:15:09,032 --> 00:15:10,496 Check this out, home slice. 334 00:15:10,498 --> 00:15:11,396 Hey, Snapchats! 335 00:15:11,398 --> 00:15:14,330 Time for you to Scramazon-dot-com. 336 00:15:14,332 --> 00:15:15,997 It's not your diner, prune dude. 337 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:19,367 We only leave if The Amazing Lace tells us to. 338 00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:22,064 Aww. They called me "Amazing Lace." 339 00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:23,463 I can't kick them out. 340 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,530 Then maybe you should just call the cops. 341 00:15:25,532 --> 00:15:28,281 I already did, and they refused to get me any help. 342 00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:31,430 So... yeah. This is their fault. 343 00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:32,330 Hey, gang! 344 00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:35,196 I love chillin' with you in my eatin' crib, 345 00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:37,763 but there's a way more badass place to hang out 346 00:15:37,765 --> 00:15:40,864 and do rails... the Cop Shop. 347 00:15:40,866 --> 00:15:44,530 - Yeah, edgy. - Ooh, dangerous. 348 00:15:44,532 --> 00:15:45,763 Bangin'! 349 00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:47,163 Sick! 350 00:15:47,165 --> 00:15:49,930 They left, and I'm still cool! 351 00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:53,897 - What does bangin' mean? - Pretty sure it's somethin' filthy. 352 00:15:53,899 --> 00:15:55,819 Filthy teenagers. 353 00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:58,063 "Dr. Wanda and her magic hands 354 00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:00,964 give her patients top-tier service... " 355 00:16:00,966 --> 00:16:03,597 I don't feel good about writing false reviews 356 00:16:03,599 --> 00:16:05,063 to boost your ratings. 357 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,830 Do you feel good about shutting up and typing? 358 00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:10,163 - "I give her six stars." - It only goes up to five. 359 00:16:10,831 --> 00:16:13,630 A-ha! Read it and weep. 360 00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:17,760 What? Since when is Wanda a doctor? 361 00:16:17,762 --> 00:16:20,326 Since never, that's when. Ha! 362 00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:23,194 - Do you think he bought it? - I don't. 363 00:16:23,196 --> 00:16:25,827 This is beyond the medical realm anyway. 364 00:16:25,829 --> 00:16:27,426 We're on to Phase Two. 365 00:16:27,428 --> 00:16:31,693 - Positive reinforcement with treats? - No. Public shaming. 366 00:16:31,695 --> 00:16:32,860 With treats? 367 00:16:32,862 --> 00:16:34,326 You're going to publicly denounce 368 00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:36,960 your left-handedness as shameful, 369 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:40,393 evil, and a transgression against humanity. 370 00:16:40,395 --> 00:16:43,060 Ladies and gentlemen, Karen and Davis! 371 00:16:46,195 --> 00:16:48,060 You can't boot me off the site. 372 00:16:48,062 --> 00:16:51,860 I'm technically a doctor, and didn't you see my reviews? 373 00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:56,460 I did not write those. I dictated them while my nurse typed. 374 00:16:56,462 --> 00:16:58,326 And he's not even technically a nurse, 375 00:16:58,328 --> 00:16:59,460 so he's the one you should be... 376 00:16:59,632 --> 00:17:02,197 Aw, we got cut off. 377 00:17:02,199 --> 00:17:03,696 Those elitists booted me off StarMyDoc 378 00:17:03,698 --> 00:17:05,863 just because I'm not a physician. 379 00:17:05,865 --> 00:17:08,363 - Tell that to my patients. - Well, there goes my dream 380 00:17:08,464 --> 00:17:10,429 of being the world's first male nurse. 381 00:17:10,431 --> 00:17:11,963 There's been male nurses in this country 382 00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:15,130 - since the 1950s. - Huh, then no big deal. 383 00:17:15,132 --> 00:17:16,997 Let's get this place back to normal 384 00:17:16,999 --> 00:17:18,863 before you lose your actual job. 385 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:21,264 - Sound good, Wanda? - Dr. Wanda. 386 00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:22,896 I'm still a doctor of Philosophy. 387 00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:26,363 And to quote Kierkegaard, "Suck on that, haters." 388 00:17:26,365 --> 00:17:28,997 Come on, start shaming yourselves. 389 00:17:28,999 --> 00:17:31,270 You're losing the crowd. 390 00:17:32,364 --> 00:17:35,130 Oscar, there's no way we're doing that. 391 00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:37,329 Yeah, we need some time to prepare. 392 00:17:37,331 --> 00:17:39,396 Write a speech, workshop it. 393 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,630 Hey, what's going on? 394 00:17:43,632 --> 00:17:46,429 Just a good old-fashioned left-handed shaming. 395 00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:49,030 What's wrong with being left-handed? 396 00:17:49,032 --> 00:17:51,596 Yeah, we should celebrate our differences. 397 00:17:51,598 --> 00:17:54,097 I have a nose ring. Zeke has red hair. 398 00:17:54,099 --> 00:17:57,263 Yeah, Tina has webbed feet. You should see her swim. 399 00:17:57,265 --> 00:17:59,730 Being different is what makes us all great. 400 00:17:59,732 --> 00:18:02,663 You should never be ashamed of what makes you unique. 401 00:18:05,132 --> 00:18:09,130 - Oscar, are you okay? - I have something to say, 402 00:18:09,132 --> 00:18:11,163 and this may shock some of you... 403 00:18:11,165 --> 00:18:13,196 perhaps most of all, my wife. 404 00:18:13,198 --> 00:18:15,263 Is this about you being born left-handed 405 00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:17,596 and being forced to change as a child? 406 00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:18,763 Yeah, that. 407 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,830 So when I was a young... Wait a minute, 408 00:18:21,931 --> 00:18:24,496 how the hell did you know I was born left-handed? 409 00:18:24,498 --> 00:18:27,863 We've been married for 40 years. There's been a few clues. 410 00:18:30,197 --> 00:18:33,396 Did I ever tell you I was born left-handed? 411 00:18:33,398 --> 00:18:36,229 Ugh, not this sob story again. 412 00:18:36,231 --> 00:18:37,630 Well, if you knew, 413 00:18:37,632 --> 00:18:41,329 why did you back me up on this crazy witch-hunt? 414 00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:43,463 Jeez, you're mad when I don't support you, 415 00:18:43,465 --> 00:18:45,129 you're mad when I do support you. 416 00:18:45,131 --> 00:18:47,896 - You can't have it both ways. - Yes, I can. 417 00:18:47,898 --> 00:18:50,997 - You know, I'm bi. - Ambi, Oscar. 418 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,552 You're ambidextrous. 419 00:18:58,235 --> 00:19:01,933 Thanks for backing us, kids. We really appreciate it. 420 00:19:01,935 --> 00:19:04,966 No problem, 5-0. Now it's grind time. 421 00:19:04,968 --> 00:19:07,833 - Whoo! - Yeah! Check it out! 422 00:19:07,835 --> 00:19:11,000 - Whoa... - No, it's confiscatin' time. 423 00:19:11,002 --> 00:19:13,866 You can't skate here. It's official police property. 424 00:19:13,868 --> 00:19:16,433 Yeah, and Lacey doesn't want you skateboarding 425 00:19:16,435 --> 00:19:17,900 at her place either. 426 00:19:17,902 --> 00:19:20,366 What? No! Lacey said what? 427 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,033 Did she want us to keep that quiet? 428 00:19:23,035 --> 00:19:25,900 - Not cool, Lacey. - Amazing Lacey? 429 00:19:25,902 --> 00:19:28,833 - Narc! - Hey, Lacey's not a dork. 430 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,133 - They said "narc." - Well, whatever the hip lingo is. 431 00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:34,232 She put up with your claptrappin' shenanigans... 432 00:19:34,234 --> 00:19:35,933 Jeez, how old am I? 433 00:19:35,935 --> 00:19:39,232 Anyway, my point is, Lacey's the coolest person I know. 434 00:19:39,234 --> 00:19:41,433 Aw, thanks, Brent. 435 00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:44,433 Old Man Leroy Junior thinks Lacey's cool. 436 00:19:44,575 --> 00:19:46,706 That makes her an even bigger dork. 437 00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:48,439 Okay, I'm sure they said "dork" that time. 438 00:19:48,441 --> 00:19:49,673 I don't care anymore. 439 00:19:49,675 --> 00:19:51,940 I want all of you kids out of here. 440 00:19:51,942 --> 00:19:55,372 You've been rude, disrespectful, disruptive... 441 00:19:55,374 --> 00:19:56,639 They're already gone. 442 00:19:56,641 --> 00:19:58,173 I know, I just need to get this off my chest. 443 00:19:58,175 --> 00:19:59,306 And furthermore, 444 00:19:59,308 --> 00:20:03,106 your pants are too baggy, and get off my lawn! 445 00:20:03,108 --> 00:20:05,439 Whew... Oh, that felt good. 446 00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:13,655 You're back. What are the odds? 447 00:20:13,657 --> 00:20:15,755 Get it? Probability? 448 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:19,189 - Can I see that for a quick sec? - Okay, but be careful. 449 00:20:19,191 --> 00:20:21,589 I need that to get discounts from drug reps. 450 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:26,323 Hey! That was like the opposite of careful! 451 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:28,189 E.M.U. has been notified 452 00:20:28,191 --> 00:20:30,489 that you impersonated a medical doctor, 453 00:20:30,491 --> 00:20:32,189 started an illegal practice, 454 00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:35,622 and accepted carbohydrates as payment. 455 00:20:35,624 --> 00:20:36,922 There was also ham. 456 00:20:37,457 --> 00:20:41,456 You, Wanda Dollard, are no longer a Fighting Emu. 457 00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:44,655 Fighting Emu? H-Hey, you changed the name! 458 00:20:44,657 --> 00:20:46,655 We did. That was a great catch. 459 00:20:46,657 --> 00:20:48,889 Anyway, sorry to revoke your degree, 460 00:20:48,891 --> 00:20:51,622 but it's your own fault for developing a God complex. 461 00:20:51,624 --> 00:20:55,089 - Does a God complex really exist? - There you go! 462 00:20:55,091 --> 00:20:58,956 Stick to Philosophy, and no one gets hurt. 463 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,892 No one gets baked goods, either! 464 00:21:09,230 --> 00:21:10,696 ♪ I don't know ♪ 465 00:21:10,698 --> 00:21:13,629 ♪ The same things you don't know ♪ 466 00:21:17,064 --> 00:21:19,063 ♪ I don't know ♪ 467 00:21:19,065 --> 00:21:22,063 ♪ I just... don't know ♪ 468 00:21:24,130 --> 00:21:28,063 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ It's a great big place ♪ 469 00:21:28,065 --> 00:21:31,495 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪ 470 00:21:31,497 --> 00:21:35,429 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ And it's my happy place ♪ 471 00:21:35,431 --> 00:21:37,963 ♪ I don't know ♪ 472 00:21:38,976 --> 00:21:42,016 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 35656