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1
00:00:05,624 --> 00:00:08,437
IT's not easy being
single in New York city,
2
00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:12,658
especially when you're an alien
visiting from a parallel universe.
3
00:00:15,151 --> 00:00:20,904
Uh-oh. That's a little
too much information.
4
00:00:20,905 --> 00:00:25,571
But there's nothing a little
success or a lot of sex can't fix.
5
00:00:25,572 --> 00:00:27,777
Take Dick for example.
6
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:31,645
Finding his job shallow
and unrewarding,
7
00:00:31,646 --> 00:00:35,417
he was ready to load the pockets
of his custom-tailored suit
8
00:00:35,418 --> 00:00:38,486
with rocks and jump
into the east river.
9
00:00:38,487 --> 00:00:42,003
Then he walked
into a dive on 48th
10
00:00:42,004 --> 00:00:44,560
where people order
drinks on the rocks.
11
00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:47,053
There he found his True love,
12
00:00:47,054 --> 00:00:48,716
and that rocks.
13
00:00:48,717 --> 00:00:50,474
I'm a lawyer!
14
00:00:50,475 --> 00:00:52,776
While on the other side of town,
15
00:00:52,777 --> 00:00:56,229
Tommy was a big success
on Saturday night live.
16
00:00:56,229 --> 00:00:58,754
His head was as big as
the statue of Liberty's,
17
00:00:58,755 --> 00:01:02,079
only there weren't any
tourists inside his face.
18
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,500
And Harry, either through
sheer DETERMINATION
19
00:01:05,501 --> 00:01:07,960
or sheer stupidity,
20
00:01:07,961 --> 00:01:09,943
was climbing to the top
of his game
21
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:11,413
as a network executive.
22
00:01:11,414 --> 00:01:13,619
Let's make one night
will, one night grace.
23
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:18,926
As for me, I've heard it said
you can't fight city hall.
24
00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:20,620
I don't know if
that's True or not.
25
00:01:20,621 --> 00:01:24,905
I just needed a segue into
"I'm sleeping with the mayor."
26
00:02:00,147 --> 00:02:03,599
♪ Romance is mush ♪
27
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:08,202
♪ Stifling those who strive ♪
28
00:02:08,203 --> 00:02:11,367
♪ I live a lush life ♪
29
00:02:11,368 --> 00:02:16,834
♪ In Some small dive ♪
30
00:02:16,834 --> 00:02:19,998
♪ And there I'll be ♪
31
00:02:19,999 --> 00:02:25,848
♪ While I rot with the rest ♪
32
00:02:25,849 --> 00:02:32,786
♪ Of those whose lives
Are lonely ♪
33
00:02:32,787 --> 00:02:36,847
♪ Too ♪
34
00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:41,066
Oh, Mary.
35
00:02:41,067 --> 00:02:45,350
Ohh, that was beautiful.
36
00:02:45,351 --> 00:02:48,642
Much more upbeat than usual.
37
00:02:48,643 --> 00:02:50,464
Sweetie, I'm hurrying.
38
00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:52,286
These boots are super high,
39
00:02:52,287 --> 00:02:54,236
plus they're
really tight, you know?
40
00:02:54,237 --> 00:02:55,355
Just put it down,
would ya, honey?
41
00:02:55,356 --> 00:02:56,474
All right.
42
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:59,767
Don, I hope you realize
that this place
43
00:02:59,768 --> 00:03:02,867
is a total waste of my outfit.
44
00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:05,905
As long as I can see it,
what else matters?
45
00:03:05,906 --> 00:03:08,878
You are such a doll.
46
00:03:08,879 --> 00:03:10,412
Let's go someplace else.
47
00:03:10,413 --> 00:03:12,170
You know I can't.
48
00:03:12,171 --> 00:03:14,218
Of course I do.
49
00:03:19,205 --> 00:03:20,482
Um, Tommy...
50
00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:21,569
Hey, Darrell. What's up?
51
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:24,287
I just saw Ana
out in the hallway.
52
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,917
She's crying her eyes out.
What happened?
53
00:03:25,918 --> 00:03:27,260
Yeah. I broke up with her.
54
00:03:27,261 --> 00:03:30,520
Oh. Sorry. I...
55
00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:33,333
Well, I was chomping at the
bit, you know what I mean?
56
00:03:33,334 --> 00:03:37,074
Sure. Sure. I know
what you mean by it.
57
00:03:37,074 --> 00:03:38,640
You know, Tommy,
58
00:03:38,641 --> 00:03:41,485
it's really funny how quickly
you guys hit it off.
59
00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:44,266
I've been trying to get Ana
to go out with me for years,
60
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:45,705
and she just never would.
61
00:03:45,706 --> 00:03:47,079
And she never will, man,
62
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:50,500
because she doesn't know who
the real Darrell Hammond is.
63
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:52,258
What does that mean?
64
00:03:52,259 --> 00:03:54,656
You hide behind
your impressions, man.
65
00:03:54,657 --> 00:03:57,533
With all your wigs,
your funny voices,
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00:03:57,534 --> 00:04:00,954
she sees the Mask, and
she doesn't see the man.
67
00:04:00,955 --> 00:04:02,680
Whoa.
68
00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:04,150
Let me ask you a question.
69
00:04:04,151 --> 00:04:05,717
What are you doing
on "Update" This week?
70
00:04:05,718 --> 00:04:07,890
I was gonna do Sean Connery
71
00:04:07,891 --> 00:04:09,681
talking about how it feels
to be a senior citizen.
72
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:11,887
Yeah. Well, why don't
you do Darrell Hammond
73
00:04:11,888 --> 00:04:14,125
talking about what
it feels like to be...
74
00:04:15,244 --> 00:04:17,673
to be Darrell Hammond.
75
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,623
I've been blind.
76
00:04:19,624 --> 00:04:21,350
Tommy, I've been blind.
77
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,310
Thanks, Buddy.
78
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:23,269
Hey.
79
00:04:23,270 --> 00:04:24,418
Thank you.
80
00:04:24,419 --> 00:04:25,890
No problem, guy.
81
00:04:32,284 --> 00:04:34,040
You know, I don't think
it's such a good idea
82
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,301
for you to be spending so much time
in a seedy bar like this, Mary.
83
00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:40,051
Maybe instead you should be
singing in a Broadway show.
84
00:04:40,052 --> 00:04:42,032
What a great idea.
85
00:04:42,033 --> 00:04:44,622
But I'm way ahead
of you, handsome.
86
00:04:44,623 --> 00:04:49,162
It won't be long before I'll
be joining the cast of cats.
87
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:53,157
Got bad news for you.
Mary, cats is closed.
88
00:04:53,158 --> 00:04:55,715
Damn, that was fast.
89
00:04:55,716 --> 00:04:58,848
But here. I've got something
that'll cheer you up.
90
00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:03,227
Whoo. Saks.
91
00:05:03,228 --> 00:05:05,433
Oh, you shouldn't
have done this.
92
00:05:05,434 --> 00:05:07,031
Oh, please accept it.
93
00:05:07,032 --> 00:05:09,940
I never said anything
about not accepting it.
94
00:05:09,941 --> 00:05:11,922
It's beautiful.
95
00:05:11,924 --> 00:05:13,713
The saleslady called it
a cocktail dress.
96
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,654
I thought you'd get
a lot of use out of it.
97
00:05:17,499 --> 00:05:20,375
Ok. So, um, I know you're not
supposed to go anyplace else,
98
00:05:20,376 --> 00:05:22,293
but bear with me
here... what if we did?
99
00:05:22,294 --> 00:05:23,988
What do you think would happen?
100
00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:25,874
Well, you know
what would happen.
101
00:05:25,875 --> 00:05:29,294
Oh, I know, but tell me anyway.
102
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:33,099
Well, you-know-who would
have my ass in a sling.
103
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:37,031
Ho ho, Oh, yeah. I know.
104
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,493
Who?
105
00:05:39,494 --> 00:05:40,644
The wife.
106
00:05:40,645 --> 00:05:46,142
Of course. Your wife.
107
00:05:46,143 --> 00:05:48,379
You're married?
108
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:49,339
Simmer down.
109
00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:51,129
My god. You're married.
110
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:53,207
This is so not good.
111
00:05:53,208 --> 00:05:54,358
What's going on?
112
00:05:54,359 --> 00:05:56,404
You've been ok with This
arrangement for years.
113
00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:57,523
I have?
114
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,144
I can't believe I'd do that.
I am outta here.
115
00:06:00,145 --> 00:06:03,053
Come on. Baby, baby, baby.
116
00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:04,875
You know you're the one.
117
00:06:04,876 --> 00:06:06,794
I'm gonna divorce her.
118
00:06:08,232 --> 00:06:10,118
I just need a little time.
119
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:14,177
Ok.
120
00:06:14,178 --> 00:06:15,297
Sally.
121
00:06:15,298 --> 00:06:16,257
Dick.
122
00:06:16,257 --> 00:06:17,216
Don.
123
00:06:17,217 --> 00:06:18,622
Albright. Kiki.
124
00:06:18,623 --> 00:06:19,964
Donny.
125
00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,787
Mary.
126
00:06:26,806 --> 00:06:29,555
On tv: Um, you know, New
York is the only city...
127
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,176
isn't that the guy who
normally does the impressions?
128
00:06:32,177 --> 00:06:33,774
Darrell. Darrell Hammond.
129
00:06:33,775 --> 00:06:35,788
Yeah. Why isn't he funny?
130
00:06:35,789 --> 00:06:37,419
It's some sort of experiment.
131
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,752
He wanted to impress
Ana gasteyer,
132
00:06:39,753 --> 00:06:41,382
so he was gonna try
being himself.
133
00:06:41,383 --> 00:06:42,661
Ah. Well, that's
a big mistake, man.
134
00:06:42,662 --> 00:06:43,621
I told him.
135
00:06:43,622 --> 00:06:46,050
Man, that felt so great.
136
00:06:46,051 --> 00:06:47,681
Tommy, they were really
listening to me, weren't they?
137
00:06:47,681 --> 00:06:48,735
They were, man.
138
00:06:48,736 --> 00:06:51,069
Yeah. They were listening
for some jokes,
139
00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:53,339
and they weren't
quite hearing them.
140
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,832
You know what? I've been known
to do an impersonation myself.
141
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:58,197
Yeah. Here's you. "Boo hoo hoo.
I'm Darrell Hammond",
142
00:06:58,198 --> 00:07:00,244
"And I don't got a job
no more. Boo hoo hoo.
143
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:03,345
How'm I gonna feed my child?
Boo hoo Hoo."
144
00:07:03,345 --> 00:07:05,039
Hi, Tommy. Hi, Mr. Solomon.
145
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,253
Did you see Darrell?
146
00:07:06,254 --> 00:07:08,236
Um, Yeah. Yeah, some of it.
147
00:07:08,237 --> 00:07:11,144
Oh, and that part
about me breaking my foot
148
00:07:11,145 --> 00:07:13,575
on my sixth birthday?
That really happened, man.
149
00:07:13,576 --> 00:07:17,090
Fact is so much stranger
than fiction.
150
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:19,776
Stranger, but it's not funnier.
151
00:07:19,777 --> 00:07:21,214
Hey, guys, check this out.
152
00:07:21,215 --> 00:07:22,877
Could somebody please tell me
153
00:07:22,878 --> 00:07:25,115
where I can find
miss pussy galore?
154
00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:27,256
I didn't know you
did Sean connery.
155
00:07:27,257 --> 00:07:29,304
That's good. You ought
to do that on the show.
156
00:07:35,984 --> 00:07:37,710
Can I open my eyes now?
157
00:07:37,711 --> 00:07:38,829
No, no.
158
00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:40,875
Now just a...
159
00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:42,090
Just a few more steps.
160
00:07:42,091 --> 00:07:43,784
Oh, Dick,
I've had my eyes closed
161
00:07:43,785 --> 00:07:45,766
ever since the oyster bar.
162
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:48,803
What was that crunchy thing
you made me eat?
163
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:51,554
I don't know.
I had my eyes closed, too.
164
00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:54,685
Ok...
165
00:07:54,686 --> 00:07:56,955
you can look now.
166
00:07:56,956 --> 00:08:00,055
The manhattan skyline.
167
00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:03,700
Hmm. Got anything to drink?
168
00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:05,522
Champagne?
169
00:08:05,523 --> 00:08:07,728
I opened it this morning so
those annoying little Bubbles
170
00:08:07,729 --> 00:08:09,742
would have a chance to disperse.
171
00:08:09,743 --> 00:08:12,140
Good thinking.
172
00:08:15,017 --> 00:08:16,359
Cheers.
173
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,118
Would you, uh...
174
00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:20,387
would you care for
An hors d'oeuvre?
175
00:08:20,388 --> 00:08:22,242
Duck eggs...
176
00:08:22,243 --> 00:08:23,648
Salmon eggs...
177
00:08:23,649 --> 00:08:24,608
quail eggs...
178
00:08:24,608 --> 00:08:25,567
eggs...
179
00:08:25,568 --> 00:08:27,004
anything you want.
180
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:28,667
The sky's the limit.
181
00:08:28,668 --> 00:08:30,777
Dick, if you're intent
on spending money on me,
182
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,152
I can think of
other ways of doing it.
183
00:08:32,153 --> 00:08:33,494
Well, like how?
184
00:08:33,495 --> 00:08:35,636
Like giving me money.
185
00:08:35,637 --> 00:08:37,426
I'm sorry. Was that too Blunt?
186
00:08:37,427 --> 00:08:41,039
Yes, but money's not important.
187
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,468
What's important is that
we love each other.
188
00:08:43,469 --> 00:08:45,322
What we have is True love.
189
00:08:45,323 --> 00:08:47,081
I can't do it.
190
00:08:47,082 --> 00:08:49,383
I can't take advantage
of another deluded guy.
191
00:08:49,384 --> 00:08:51,876
Oh, no. You're wrong, Mary.
192
00:08:51,877 --> 00:08:53,666
You're the one who's deluded.
193
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:54,913
Because whether
you know it or not,
194
00:08:54,913 --> 00:08:56,575
we were meant to be together.
195
00:08:56,576 --> 00:08:57,726
Oh, god!
196
00:08:57,727 --> 00:08:59,036
I love you, Mary.
197
00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:00,731
Oh, stop talking about love.
198
00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,201
True love doesn't exist.
199
00:09:02,202 --> 00:09:03,512
True love is real...
200
00:09:03,513 --> 00:09:06,325
and powerful and wonderful!
201
00:09:06,326 --> 00:09:09,650
Oh, don't you think I'd
like to believe in Love?!
202
00:09:09,651 --> 00:09:13,326
Life would be a lot
simpler if I could.
203
00:09:13,327 --> 00:09:14,669
Then pretend.
204
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:16,203
How?
205
00:09:16,204 --> 00:09:18,474
It's easy.
206
00:09:20,616 --> 00:09:21,799
Come here.
207
00:09:45,810 --> 00:09:47,057
What's that smell?
208
00:09:48,846 --> 00:09:51,978
Is that platinum?
209
00:09:51,979 --> 00:09:53,289
Oh!
210
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:57,509
Oh, Donny, thank you, baby.
211
00:09:57,510 --> 00:09:58,883
What are you doing here?
212
00:09:58,884 --> 00:10:02,559
Isn't there some sort
of riot in the bronx?
213
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,998
Yeah.
214
00:10:03,999 --> 00:10:06,461
Good thing
we don't live up there.
215
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:09,912
Sally, what would you say
if I told you
216
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:13,301
that when my wife asked me why I
was gonna be late again tonight,
217
00:10:13,302 --> 00:10:15,027
I didn't lie?
218
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,530
Oh, my god.
219
00:10:16,531 --> 00:10:19,119
You told her
you wanted a divorce?
220
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,092
No, I told her to shut up.
221
00:10:22,093 --> 00:10:23,884
Uh, ok, you know,
222
00:10:24,843 --> 00:10:26,760
I'm starting to feel real bad.
223
00:10:26,761 --> 00:10:29,125
I don't know how much
longer I can do this.
224
00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:30,212
Well, hang in there.
225
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,322
I'll tell my wife
as soon as I'm out of office.
226
00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:35,583
I can't wait till you
step down as mayor!
227
00:10:35,584 --> 00:10:37,085
Not mayor...
228
00:10:37,086 --> 00:10:38,396
president.
229
00:10:38,397 --> 00:10:41,145
I'm going for the big one,
230
00:10:41,146 --> 00:10:43,862
and I want you
right there beside me...
231
00:10:43,863 --> 00:10:46,165
behind the scenes...
232
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:49,329
out of sight.
233
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:51,535
That is not good enough
for me, don.
234
00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:54,124
I mean, I want to be
involved in your life
235
00:10:54,125 --> 00:10:55,850
and Share tender moments.
236
00:10:55,851 --> 00:10:59,207
I want to be your
secretary of defense.
237
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:02,883
Well, let's slow down and
reconsider this in the shower.
238
00:11:02,884 --> 00:11:04,961
You know what? Forget it.
239
00:11:04,962 --> 00:11:05,952
Ah, Sally.
240
00:11:05,953 --> 00:11:08,191
No, no, no, seriously.
It's over. Get out.
241
00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:17,844
One last thing...
242
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:20,467
can I still count on your vote?
243
00:11:21,841 --> 00:11:23,951
Of course. We still
agree on the issues.
244
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:31,240
Just a minute!
245
00:11:38,337 --> 00:11:39,519
Come in!
246
00:11:40,990 --> 00:11:43,035
Hey, look at that putt
I just made.
247
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,368
Lovely. Very nice.
248
00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:46,679
Yeah.
249
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,109
Mr. Solomon, your nephew
is here to see you.
250
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:53,361
Tommy! Good to see you! Yeah.
251
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,183
Good to see you, too, man.
252
00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:57,133
It's funny. We work
in the same building.
253
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,444
I've never been
up to your office.
254
00:11:58,445 --> 00:12:00,202
It's very nice.
255
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:02,695
Yeah, Well, lots of
room to putt in.
256
00:12:02,696 --> 00:12:04,102
So, hey, can I sit
in your chair?
257
00:12:04,103 --> 00:12:05,316
Oh, please.
258
00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:07,011
I think you'll find it
still warm.
259
00:12:07,012 --> 00:12:09,600
Ahh.
260
00:12:09,601 --> 00:12:10,751
Hey, look at me.
261
00:12:10,752 --> 00:12:13,564
I'm Harry Solomon,
big president of the network.
262
00:12:13,565 --> 00:12:16,601
Look at me. I'm Tommy Solomon,
263
00:12:16,602 --> 00:12:19,191
and I'm a big star
on Saturday night live.
264
00:12:19,192 --> 00:12:21,588
I make important decisions
265
00:12:21,589 --> 00:12:24,722
like where to putt in my office.
266
00:12:24,723 --> 00:12:26,415
I get paid the big bucks
267
00:12:26,416 --> 00:12:30,347
just for going
"Whoo, whoo, whoo."
268
00:12:30,348 --> 00:12:32,330
Well, I've got some news
for you, Tommy Solomon.
269
00:12:32,331 --> 00:12:33,641
Your ego has GOTTEN too big.
270
00:12:33,642 --> 00:12:35,111
You're demanding too much money.
271
00:12:35,112 --> 00:12:36,326
You're fired!
272
00:12:36,327 --> 00:12:37,444
I am out of control,
273
00:12:37,445 --> 00:12:38,851
and I do want too much money.
274
00:12:38,852 --> 00:12:39,811
You're fired!
275
00:12:39,812 --> 00:12:41,441
You can't fire me, you peon.
276
00:12:41,442 --> 00:12:43,774
You're a lowly
cast member on snl.
277
00:12:43,775 --> 00:12:45,660
No, I'm Harry now.
278
00:12:45,661 --> 00:12:47,355
You're fired!
279
00:12:47,356 --> 00:12:48,953
What? Yeah. I mean it.
280
00:12:48,954 --> 00:12:50,360
You're really fired. What for?
281
00:12:50,361 --> 00:12:52,757
Well, for the same reasons
that you just fired me.
282
00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:53,717
Your ego's too huge,
283
00:12:53,718 --> 00:12:55,282
and you want too much money.
284
00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:56,849
Well, I'm not taking it anymore.
285
00:12:56,850 --> 00:12:57,904
You're off the show!
286
00:12:57,905 --> 00:13:00,334
I am that show.
287
00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:03,083
Wait a second. Who are you now?
288
00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:04,841
I'm me.
289
00:13:04,842 --> 00:13:06,632
Well, then get away
from my desk!
290
00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:07,718
You're confusing me!
291
00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:09,380
You listen to me!
Lorne Michaels is my boss!
292
00:13:09,381 --> 00:13:10,468
He can fire me! You can't!
293
00:13:10,469 --> 00:13:14,272
Oh? Well, I'll fire
his sad canadian Ass, too!
294
00:13:23,479 --> 00:13:24,854
Good morning.
295
00:13:25,781 --> 00:13:27,570
Good morning.
296
00:13:27,571 --> 00:13:29,712
Boy...
297
00:13:29,713 --> 00:13:30,895
This is different.
298
00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:33,260
Well, what do you mean?
299
00:13:33,261 --> 00:13:34,540
Being here with me?
300
00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:36,202
No. I mean,
301
00:13:36,203 --> 00:13:39,432
I can actually remember
everything I did last night.
302
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:43,363
So do I. I feel wonderful.
303
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,112
In fact, there's something
important I have to ask you.
304
00:13:46,112 --> 00:13:47,072
Hmm?
305
00:13:47,072 --> 00:13:48,989
Will you...
306
00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:51,450
Will you move in with me?
307
00:13:51,451 --> 00:13:52,953
Move into this beautiful loft?
308
00:13:52,954 --> 00:13:54,167
Yes.
309
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,725
We can have movers
bring over all of your things,
310
00:13:56,726 --> 00:13:59,219
or we can just burn them.
311
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:01,009
Ok. What the hell?
312
00:14:01,010 --> 00:14:02,512
Oh, yes!
313
00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:06,699
You see, Mary, you see?
How does it feel now?
314
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,841
What? To know that
you're in love with me?
315
00:14:08,842 --> 00:14:10,344
Oh, look.
316
00:14:10,345 --> 00:14:14,211
I like the gershwin and the
eager-to-please lovemaking.
317
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:15,842
Oh, we were so passionate.
318
00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:18,304
You called out my name 3 times.
319
00:14:18,305 --> 00:14:20,830
"Larry, Larry, Larry!"
320
00:14:22,109 --> 00:14:24,825
ok, maybe it's not my
name, But the passion!
321
00:14:24,826 --> 00:14:26,647
I was pretending.
322
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,853
You told me to pretend,
so I pretended.
323
00:14:28,854 --> 00:14:30,995
But it'll turn real.
I know it will.
324
00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:34,000
Sorry, Dick.
That will never happen.
325
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:36,398
Love... hah!
326
00:14:36,399 --> 00:14:39,530
Mary Albright can't
feel love anymore.
327
00:14:39,531 --> 00:14:41,608
You're so damaged!
328
00:14:41,609 --> 00:14:44,229
This life has been
so hard on you.
329
00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:46,180
Isn't there anything
I can do to make you see
330
00:14:46,181 --> 00:14:48,130
that we would be
perfect together?
331
00:14:48,131 --> 00:14:50,208
No, Dick.
332
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:55,035
Maybe it would've worked in some
other time or some other place.
333
00:14:55,036 --> 00:14:57,080
Wait.
334
00:14:57,081 --> 00:14:58,584
What did you just say?
335
00:15:01,685 --> 00:15:03,539
No, Dick.
336
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,000
Maybe it would've worked
in some other time...
337
00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:08,109
Or some other place!
I can do that!
338
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:09,356
Here. Quick.
339
00:15:09,357 --> 00:15:10,699
Here, Mary, take this.
340
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,681
Come on, come on with me.
341
00:15:12,682 --> 00:15:14,343
Well, you're just
like all the rest...
342
00:15:14,344 --> 00:15:15,878
Tossing me out.
343
00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:17,541
You didn't even
let me get dressed.
344
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,459
No, no, I still want you
to live here, Mary.
345
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,632
Go back to your place and
get your things right now.
346
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:23,166
Here, here's some extra cash.
347
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:24,765
You can get dressed in the cab.
348
00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:26,715
Are you sure
you want to do this?
349
00:15:26,716 --> 00:15:27,738
Absolutely.
350
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:28,921
This is your home now.
351
00:15:28,922 --> 00:15:31,319
I hope it'll make you happy.
352
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,572
Good-Bye, kiki.
353
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,777
Bye.
354
00:15:40,111 --> 00:15:41,549
Sally.
355
00:15:42,285 --> 00:15:43,627
Sally! Wake up!
356
00:15:43,627 --> 00:15:46,631
Whaa? Aah. What?
357
00:15:46,632 --> 00:15:49,221
We're leaving. I'm
going home to Mary.
358
00:15:49,222 --> 00:15:50,947
Wait a minute, But she's here...
359
00:15:50,948 --> 00:15:53,856
No. This Mary
is cold and soulless,
360
00:15:53,857 --> 00:15:57,534
and only willing to do one or 2 more
things in bed than the other one.
361
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,793
The trade-off
just isn't worth it.
362
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,103
All right, look,
363
00:16:02,104 --> 00:16:05,045
maybe you are willing to
give up all this nice stuff,
364
00:16:05,046 --> 00:16:06,387
but I sure am not.
365
00:16:06,388 --> 00:16:10,480
I mean, whoever said that
diamonds are a girl's best friend
366
00:16:10,481 --> 00:16:13,549
never saw those
black pearls at Tiffany.
367
00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:15,338
Hey, that sounded great.
368
00:16:15,339 --> 00:16:16,489
Where's my laptop?
369
00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:18,599
Forget the laptop!
370
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,814
I would think that
given what's happened,
371
00:16:19,815 --> 00:16:21,572
You'd be dying to see don again.
372
00:16:21,573 --> 00:16:23,970
I don't know.
I mean, after mayor don,
373
00:16:23,970 --> 00:16:27,678
I just feel like I've seen a side
of him I really can't trust.
374
00:16:27,679 --> 00:16:29,852
But that's not
the don you love...
375
00:16:29,853 --> 00:16:31,770
The one who went
to community college
376
00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:34,680
and... and went to night
school to become a cop.
377
00:16:35,735 --> 00:16:37,652
And who went to
another night School.
378
00:16:37,653 --> 00:16:39,794
After that one didn't work out.
379
00:16:39,795 --> 00:16:42,160
The don who wouldn't hurt a fly
380
00:16:42,161 --> 00:16:45,581
and... the don who loves you.
381
00:16:45,581 --> 00:16:48,362
I wish that don was here
in this apartment.
382
00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:49,896
Mmm, no kidding.
383
00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:52,325
I'd almost be willing
to shack up here
384
00:16:52,326 --> 00:16:53,828
with New York Mary if she wasn't
385
00:16:53,829 --> 00:16:56,897
such a big ball of
emotional scar tissue.
386
00:16:56,898 --> 00:16:58,432
Wow.
387
00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:01,309
We are gonna sacrifice
money for love.
388
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:02,460
We're so noble!
389
00:17:02,461 --> 00:17:04,345
I know, I know!
390
00:17:04,346 --> 00:17:05,688
How many shoes
do you think I can get
391
00:17:05,689 --> 00:17:07,222
through that portal, huh?
392
00:17:07,223 --> 00:17:09,365
Well, I'm off to work.
Is my car here yet?
393
00:17:09,366 --> 00:17:10,803
Harry...
394
00:17:10,804 --> 00:17:12,369
we're going back to Rutherford.
395
00:17:12,370 --> 00:17:14,031
Well, have a nice trip. I
think I left the iron on,
396
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,598
so you might wanna check.
397
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,443
No, no, no. Harry, um...
398
00:17:18,444 --> 00:17:19,562
you're coming with us.
399
00:17:19,563 --> 00:17:21,704
I don't think you understand.
400
00:17:21,705 --> 00:17:25,573
I have got a network to run!
401
00:17:26,692 --> 00:17:28,865
Look, we're not
leaving you here alone.
402
00:17:28,866 --> 00:17:30,495
I'm not alone. Tommy's here.
403
00:17:30,496 --> 00:17:33,308
No. He went through the
portal after you fired him.
404
00:17:33,309 --> 00:17:35,834
Harry, you can't be
a network president
405
00:17:35,835 --> 00:17:38,584
alone in Manhattan without
adult supervision.
406
00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:41,908
Stop it! You're treating me
407
00:17:41,909 --> 00:17:43,315
the way you always treat me.
408
00:17:43,316 --> 00:17:44,593
Well, we're in New York now,
409
00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:46,255
and I'm respected here.
410
00:17:46,256 --> 00:17:49,101
You get his arms,
I'll get his legs.
411
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,498
Dubcek! I've got
a situation here.
412
00:17:51,499 --> 00:17:53,544
Send security to the loft!
413
00:17:53,545 --> 00:17:55,399
W-what?
414
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,669
Well, that's a shocker.
415
00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:01,120
Mm-hmm. I see.
416
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:03,902
Yeah. Well, good luck.
417
00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:06,491
I don't believe it!
418
00:18:06,492 --> 00:18:09,145
What? I've been
replaced by dubcek!
419
00:18:09,146 --> 00:18:11,510
I'm so sorry, Harry. Oh, no.
420
00:18:11,511 --> 00:18:13,045
They said that
she was really in touch
421
00:18:13,046 --> 00:18:16,274
with what men between
18 and 49 really want.
422
00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:18,895
There, you see?
423
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:21,932
Last one in the shower's
a dirty dog!
424
00:18:23,659 --> 00:18:25,641
Oh, uh, shoes!
425
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:33,569
Oh.
426
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:34,847
Ah, that was great.
427
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:37,692
Ohh! Home at last!
428
00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:42,232
Aww, the damn shoes
don't transfer.
429
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,689
Ah, good old Rutherford.
430
00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:50,256
What an inspiring view.
431
00:18:50,257 --> 00:18:52,717
Yeah, the taillights on the cars
432
00:18:52,718 --> 00:18:56,457
and the flame burning
over at the refinery.
433
00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:58,439
You can even see
the fast food signs
434
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,677
out at the interstate off-ramp.
435
00:19:00,678 --> 00:19:02,915
Simply breathtaking.
436
00:19:02,916 --> 00:19:05,728
I find it dumpy and depressing.
437
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,318
Yeah, well, not
the pancake house.
438
00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:11,386
You know, Albright,
you want to see depressing,
439
00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:12,729
you should see all the garbage
440
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:15,990
they have stacked up
along central park west.
441
00:19:15,991 --> 00:19:17,364
Were you in New York recently?
442
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,451
Uh, no, no.
443
00:19:18,452 --> 00:19:19,857
Sally was, uh, just, uh,
444
00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:22,001
looking at a travel brochure.
445
00:19:24,142 --> 00:19:27,083
Was I a man who dreamed he
was a network executive,
446
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:31,079
or a network executive Who
dreamed he was a man?
447
00:19:32,678 --> 00:19:38,143
Human beings... that is, we
human beings, are so strange.
448
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:41,692
We blindly go about
our daily activities
449
00:19:41,693 --> 00:19:43,066
unaware that
if we only made a few
450
00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:44,984
slightly different choices,
451
00:19:44,985 --> 00:19:47,190
we'd turn out to be
completely different people.
452
00:19:47,191 --> 00:19:51,314
Yeah, different lying,
Cheating, weasly,
453
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,010
horrible people!
454
00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:56,269
Did I do something?
455
00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:57,229
Oh, no, babe.
456
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,603
You're perfect
just the way you are.
457
00:19:58,604 --> 00:20:00,393
And so are you, Mary.
458
00:20:00,394 --> 00:20:02,631
Well, I'm gonna go watch tv.
459
00:20:02,632 --> 00:20:04,966
My shows are on.
31705
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