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1
00:00:02,875 --> 00:00:05,591
Blecch! I am so bored!
2
00:00:05,592 --> 00:00:06,551
Me, too.
3
00:00:06,552 --> 00:00:07,989
Well, what do we do
4
00:00:07,990 --> 00:00:08,949
when we're feeling bored?
5
00:00:08,949 --> 00:00:09,908
Whine?
6
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:11,185
Squirm?
7
00:00:11,186 --> 00:00:13,455
No. We take out
the Solomon family.
8
00:00:13,456 --> 00:00:15,182
Rainy day fun book.
9
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,844
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! I
forgot we had that!
10
00:00:16,845 --> 00:00:18,635
Come on. Let's have
a look, shall we?
11
00:00:18,635 --> 00:00:21,831
We can come up with an idea
for something fun to do.
12
00:00:21,832 --> 00:00:23,398
Now, let's see.
13
00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:25,571
We've done video arcades,
airport bar,
14
00:00:25,572 --> 00:00:26,913
shetland pony rides...
15
00:00:26,914 --> 00:00:28,129
tiny horses.
16
00:00:28,130 --> 00:00:29,567
That was so cool!
17
00:00:29,568 --> 00:00:31,166
It's fun to read this book.
18
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:32,828
Reading this book in this book?
19
00:00:32,829 --> 00:00:35,225
Yes, But stop interrupting.
20
00:00:35,226 --> 00:00:37,719
Well, now, here's 2 things
we haven't experienced:
21
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,436
Visit a parallel universe
Or rent go-karts.
22
00:00:40,437 --> 00:00:41,715
Visit a parallel universe?
23
00:00:41,716 --> 00:00:42,834
How is that possible?
24
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,953
Simple.
25
00:00:43,954 --> 00:00:45,551
We just use the time-space
portal in the closet.
26
00:00:45,552 --> 00:00:48,364
Ok. Here's my concern.
27
00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:49,388
Do they get angry
28
00:00:49,389 --> 00:00:52,296
if you drive the
go-karts off the track?
29
00:00:52,297 --> 00:00:53,863
Wait. So you mean to tell me
30
00:00:53,864 --> 00:00:56,708
that we are living another
existence in another place?
31
00:00:56,709 --> 00:00:58,530
Actually, Sally, everyone exists
32
00:00:58,531 --> 00:01:00,992
in every possible place
at every possible time.
33
00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:03,997
Wait a second. That means
that somewhere right now,
34
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:06,459
I'm driving go-karts.
35
00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:07,419
Let's go!
36
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:08,824
Well, what about Tommy?
37
00:01:08,825 --> 00:01:09,847
Leave him a note.
38
00:01:09,848 --> 00:01:11,765
Oh! Oh! Am I ok to go
dressed like this?
39
00:01:11,766 --> 00:01:12,725
You're fine. Anyway,
40
00:01:12,726 --> 00:01:14,163
I'm sure they have a gap there.
41
00:01:14,164 --> 00:01:15,123
Sally!
42
00:01:15,124 --> 00:01:17,040
- Ok! I'm so excited!
- Come on!
43
00:01:17,041 --> 00:01:20,462
Here we go!
44
00:01:22,795 --> 00:01:24,072
Who am I kidding?
45
00:01:24,073 --> 00:01:25,511
There's no portal to
another dimension
46
00:01:25,512 --> 00:01:26,471
in the closet.
47
00:01:26,472 --> 00:01:27,589
Oh. Oh.
48
00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:28,804
It's in the shower.
49
00:01:28,805 --> 00:01:30,946
Yes! Ooh, I want
to go to wisconsin!
50
00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:32,288
Harry: I wish I was
anywhere in Western europe!
51
00:01:32,289 --> 00:01:33,728
Come on, let's go!
52
00:01:40,377 --> 00:01:43,669
This is fantastic!
53
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,811
Dick, you look great!
54
00:01:45,812 --> 00:01:47,410
Oh, so do you!
55
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:48,370
Oh!
56
00:01:48,371 --> 00:01:49,647
And look at Harry!
57
00:01:49,648 --> 00:01:52,205
Oh, my god! We've got towels!
58
00:01:52,206 --> 00:01:55,210
Oh! Wait! Look! There's more!
59
00:01:56,681 --> 00:02:00,708
Look at this place!
60
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:04,097
We must be doing incredibly
well in this parallel universe!
61
00:02:04,098 --> 00:02:06,750
It is so open and airy!
62
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:09,147
Yeah. We should get some cattle.
63
00:02:09,148 --> 00:02:10,170
Dick: Hey, guys!
64
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:11,481
Guys, look at this!
65
00:02:11,482 --> 00:02:15,253
There's a New York taxi
and a New York bus!
66
00:02:15,254 --> 00:02:17,970
I can see the empire
state building!
67
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,377
Oh, yeah, and look
at the sidewalks,
68
00:02:19,378 --> 00:02:23,053
jammed with people of every
conceivable ethnic background!
69
00:02:23,054 --> 00:02:26,060
Hot damn, we're in vegas!
70
00:03:03,848 --> 00:03:08,802
Harry: New York city,
my kind of town.
71
00:03:08,803 --> 00:03:11,264
It's the city by the bay.
72
00:03:11,265 --> 00:03:14,396
Gateway to the west.
73
00:03:14,397 --> 00:03:16,954
The aloha state.
74
00:03:16,955 --> 00:03:18,873
Motown!
75
00:03:20,312 --> 00:03:21,271
Answering MACHINE: Hello,
76
00:03:21,272 --> 00:03:22,548
you've reached
the Solomon residence.
77
00:03:22,549 --> 00:03:24,946
This is Dick Solomon,
attorney at law.
78
00:03:24,947 --> 00:03:27,025
Please leave a message
after the beep.
79
00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:30,891
Woman: Dick, you're due in
court in an hour. Good luck.
80
00:03:30,893 --> 00:03:34,600
Did you hear that? I have
an answering machine,
81
00:03:34,601 --> 00:03:36,295
and I'm a lawyer!
82
00:03:36,296 --> 00:03:38,693
Of course, we have
whole new Lives here!
83
00:03:38,694 --> 00:03:40,131
Yeah, and we've got
to play along.
84
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:41,218
I've got to go to court!
85
00:03:41,219 --> 00:03:42,369
Ooh, I gotta go shopping!
86
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:43,999
Mmm, I'm gonna get a pretzel.
87
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,045
Look! Here are your coats!
88
00:03:46,046 --> 00:03:48,219
Ooh! Cool!
89
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,201
I can't wait to see
the look on Mary's face
90
00:03:50,202 --> 00:03:52,886
when she finds out
that I'm a lawyer!
91
00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:55,220
Hold on a second.
Albright's here?
92
00:03:55,221 --> 00:03:56,498
Oh, I'm sure she is.
93
00:03:56,499 --> 00:04:00,111
A love like ours transcends
all dimensional limitations,
94
00:04:00,112 --> 00:04:01,549
and maybe you'll meet some
people you know, too.
95
00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:02,510
Oh, really?
96
00:04:02,511 --> 00:04:04,363
Oh, yeah. In fact, f.Y.I.,
97
00:04:04,363 --> 00:04:07,144
they may have made different
life choices in this universe.
98
00:04:07,145 --> 00:04:09,701
Mmm. Yeah, I see
what he's saying.
99
00:04:09,702 --> 00:04:10,756
You see, in this world,
100
00:04:10,757 --> 00:04:14,017
Officer don could be
an old vietnamese woman.
101
00:04:14,018 --> 00:04:17,309
No. Harry, they'll
have the same bodies.
102
00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:19,996
Dick's just saying They'll
probably all be gay.
103
00:04:26,486 --> 00:04:29,362
Oh, no, no, no.
General, allow me!
104
00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:31,280
You served your country bravely.
105
00:04:31,281 --> 00:04:33,038
It's the least I can
do. Go on, git!
106
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,595
I've got to Figure out
where the courthouse is.
107
00:04:35,596 --> 00:04:37,226
Uh, excuse me.
108
00:04:37,227 --> 00:04:39,623
Uh, sir, could you
give me some directions?
109
00:04:39,624 --> 00:04:41,254
You must be from out of town.
110
00:04:41,255 --> 00:04:44,035
Uh, no, no, no.
I breathe New York.
111
00:04:44,036 --> 00:04:46,145
I know this island like
the back of my hand.
112
00:04:46,146 --> 00:04:47,744
Then why do you need directions?
113
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:50,300
I meant, do you need directions?
114
00:04:50,301 --> 00:04:53,114
I am so sick of people
coming in from out of town
115
00:04:53,115 --> 00:04:54,776
and not knowing how to
get to the courthouse!
116
00:04:54,777 --> 00:04:57,334
Are you sure you're
from this planet?
117
00:04:57,335 --> 00:04:59,348
Taxi!
118
00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:00,692
Sally!
119
00:05:01,490 --> 00:05:04,367
Sally! Harry! Heads up, guys!
120
00:05:04,368 --> 00:05:05,965
New yorkers can be curt.
121
00:05:05,966 --> 00:05:08,490
Um, ok. You guys?
122
00:05:08,491 --> 00:05:11,240
Doesn't that guy
by the newsstand
123
00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:13,638
look a lot like Tommy?
124
00:05:13,639 --> 00:05:15,172
Guys!
125
00:05:15,173 --> 00:05:16,132
Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!
126
00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:17,091
Hey!
127
00:05:17,091 --> 00:05:18,050
Oh, my god!
128
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:19,009
What's going on?
129
00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:20,574
It's him! Oh ho ho!
There you are!
130
00:05:20,575 --> 00:05:21,725
So, you got our note?
131
00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:24,346
Note? No. I just come
to this parallel dimension
132
00:05:24,347 --> 00:05:25,785
all the time. Mostly midweek.
133
00:05:25,786 --> 00:05:27,544
You know, the theater
prices are cheaper,
134
00:05:27,545 --> 00:05:29,270
and you miss the bridge
and tunnel crowds.
135
00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:31,699
Oh. Is this thing hard to do?
136
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,138
I fell right into it.
137
00:05:33,139 --> 00:05:35,216
I got myself a really
nice gig in midtown.
138
00:05:35,217 --> 00:05:36,782
Oh, listen, Tommy.
I'm due in court,
139
00:05:36,783 --> 00:05:38,700
and I don't know how to
get to the courthouse.
140
00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:39,724
Oh, I gotta go to work, too.
141
00:05:39,725 --> 00:05:41,769
You can share my cab
and, if you got time,
142
00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:43,335
I'll show you where
the peep shows moved
143
00:05:43,336 --> 00:05:44,550
after they cleaned up
times square.
144
00:05:44,551 --> 00:05:46,884
Tommy, I am an attorney!
145
00:05:46,885 --> 00:05:48,322
But, yeah. All right.
146
00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:50,177
It's this way.
147
00:05:50,178 --> 00:05:53,150
Whoa! Check it out, Sally!
148
00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:55,036
You write a column
for the newspaper!
149
00:05:55,037 --> 00:05:57,050
Oh, my god!
150
00:05:57,051 --> 00:05:59,927
And I'm hotter here,
if that's possible!
151
00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:04,179
Look! "The 2-hour orgasm."
152
00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:05,266
I wrote that!
153
00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:06,416
Nice.
154
00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:09,581
I gotta get crackin' on
tomorrow's column, baby.
155
00:06:09,582 --> 00:06:12,619
Yeah.
Wait, Wait, Wait, wait, wait!
156
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:13,579
What about me?
157
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:14,696
I mean, what am I
supposed to do?
158
00:06:14,697 --> 00:06:16,614
Just watch tv
like I do back home?
159
00:06:16,615 --> 00:06:18,885
I always get left out!
160
00:06:20,451 --> 00:06:23,168
Mr. Solomon, Scott's
back from the hamptons,
161
00:06:23,169 --> 00:06:25,311
and he wants to talk.
It's urgent.
162
00:06:26,046 --> 00:06:28,122
Outstanding.
163
00:06:28,123 --> 00:06:29,402
What do I do?
164
00:06:29,403 --> 00:06:31,383
Just, uh, play the game.
165
00:06:31,384 --> 00:06:32,343
What? I don't know how!
166
00:06:32,344 --> 00:06:33,526
Hey, Sally,
167
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,636
how do I know if this guy
that I met at power yoga
168
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:36,978
is the marrying type?
169
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,791
Uh, the sex'll be good?
170
00:06:39,792 --> 00:06:41,582
Oh, that's awesome! Thanks!
171
00:06:41,583 --> 00:06:43,371
Come on, Mr. Solomon.
It's time to go.
172
00:06:43,372 --> 00:06:45,385
Oh, yes! I suppose it is.
173
00:06:45,386 --> 00:06:48,392
Oh, just get in the car!
174
00:06:51,109 --> 00:06:53,697
Hey, man!
175
00:06:53,698 --> 00:06:55,967
Hey, can you get this
for me? Thanks.
176
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:58,940
Kenny! Hey, can I
get a bagel? Thanks.
177
00:06:58,941 --> 00:07:00,091
Toby!
178
00:07:00,092 --> 00:07:02,201
Hey, can we go easy
on the wigs this week?
179
00:07:02,202 --> 00:07:03,927
It's dryin' out the scalp.
180
00:07:03,928 --> 00:07:05,206
Hey, thanks... Tara!
181
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,325
Tara, whoo.
182
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,051
Tracy, what's up, man?
183
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,361
Hey, can we talk for a second?
184
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,641
Yeah.
185
00:07:10,642 --> 00:07:12,782
Hey, Listen, Uh, Tommy, man,
186
00:07:12,783 --> 00:07:14,636
I don't need to study these lines, man.
You know what I'm saying?
187
00:07:14,637 --> 00:07:15,596
That works for you, right?
188
00:07:15,597 --> 00:07:17,033
But, uh, me, all I gotta do
189
00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:19,195
is cultivate that little "Oops!
I messed up!" Giggle...
190
00:07:20,199 --> 00:07:22,948
then America's gonna be
lovin' me, too, so what's up?
191
00:07:22,949 --> 00:07:26,177
Look, I know it's been a little
weird between us recently,
192
00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:28,223
what with me getting
all the attention
193
00:07:28,224 --> 00:07:30,076
and you sort of shoved
into the Background.
194
00:07:30,077 --> 00:07:32,027
Yeah. It does seem a
little unfair, you know,
195
00:07:32,028 --> 00:07:34,041
'cause I've been here since
'97, you know what I'm saying?
196
00:07:34,042 --> 00:07:35,703
And you've been here,
what, a month?
197
00:07:35,704 --> 00:07:37,557
But it doesn't matter what
they think out there.
198
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,658
What matters is that
saturday night live
199
00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:43,184
is an ensemble piece.
200
00:07:43,185 --> 00:07:44,366
You understand?
201
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:47,403
Yeah. You know, I always
felt that way, you know?
202
00:07:47,404 --> 00:07:49,002
I guess I'm a big sucker, huh?
203
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:52,199
No! No! It is still
an ensemble piece.
204
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,318
We're all equal,
205
00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,651
and we are gonna
maintain that tradition.
206
00:07:55,652 --> 00:07:56,866
Are you with me there?
207
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,826
Yeah.
208
00:07:57,826 --> 00:07:58,817
Good. Tommy, I'm with ya.
209
00:07:58,818 --> 00:08:00,094
All right. Good.
Then let's rehearse.
210
00:08:00,095 --> 00:08:01,534
Put on the hamburger head.
211
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:05,785
Yeah.
212
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,064
Oh, that's good.
213
00:08:07,065 --> 00:08:08,310
That's really funny, man.
214
00:08:08,311 --> 00:08:10,294
Here. This way.
215
00:08:14,418 --> 00:08:16,973
Hello!
216
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:20,618
I-I-is this where
I'm supposed to be?
217
00:08:20,619 --> 00:08:22,504
It's about time, counselor.
218
00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:24,871
Nina!
219
00:08:25,894 --> 00:08:28,546
You will address me
with the proper respect.
220
00:08:28,547 --> 00:08:31,327
I am the honorable
judge Campbell.
221
00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:32,831
You go, girlfriend!
222
00:08:37,562 --> 00:08:40,534
Counselor, kindly proceed
with your summation.
223
00:08:40,535 --> 00:08:43,571
Eh, with my what?
224
00:08:43,572 --> 00:08:45,809
Oh, uh, right!
225
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:48,591
With My, uh, summation.
226
00:08:52,523 --> 00:08:55,239
We sit here
in this court of law.
227
00:08:55,240 --> 00:09:00,195
We, with our fragile
sense of right and wrong.
228
00:09:00,196 --> 00:09:03,232
It's so easy
to play judge and jury,
229
00:09:03,233 --> 00:09:06,780
especially when you are
a judge and a jury.
230
00:09:06,781 --> 00:09:07,867
Get on with it, counselor.
231
00:09:07,868 --> 00:09:09,529
Uh, by all means, your honor.
232
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:11,863
Now, I could poke holes
233
00:09:11,864 --> 00:09:13,302
in the prosecution's argument,
234
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,508
but I won't. That's cheap.
235
00:09:15,509 --> 00:09:20,238
Now, I'm not here to ask
you for an acquittal,
236
00:09:20,239 --> 00:09:21,198
and I'm not here
237
00:09:21,199 --> 00:09:22,796
to ask you to listen
to your conscience.
238
00:09:22,797 --> 00:09:26,568
No. I'm only here to demand
that you recognize
239
00:09:26,569 --> 00:09:30,085
that I am the most
brilliant trial lawyer
240
00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:32,803
that you have ever seen,
and I thank you.
241
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,190
He's done it again!
242
00:09:36,191 --> 00:09:37,757
Counselor!
243
00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:39,740
Your honor,
may I approach the bench?
244
00:09:42,329 --> 00:09:45,781
Do you happen to know
a Mary Albright?
245
00:09:45,782 --> 00:09:48,307
Is this another witness
you're planning on calling?
246
00:09:48,308 --> 00:09:50,640
Could be.
Are you buddies with her?
247
00:09:50,641 --> 00:09:51,888
Get out!
248
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,796
I'm sorry, I've never been in
an elevator that fast before.
249
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:07,371
"Harry Solomon,
network president."
250
00:10:07,372 --> 00:10:08,331
Is this True?
251
00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:09,704
Yes, it is.
252
00:10:09,705 --> 00:10:13,893
Then, what the hell are you
people doing in My office?!
253
00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:17,345
Harry, we need some Creative
counterprogramming fast.
254
00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:21,213
ABC''s got a major hit with who
wants to be a turkish prisoner?
255
00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:24,953
Well, that might
be good for abc,
256
00:10:24,954 --> 00:10:26,871
but that's not who we are.
257
00:10:26,872 --> 00:10:29,013
We're about quality, all right.
258
00:10:29,014 --> 00:10:34,767
I want this network to be about
families and violence...
259
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,612
and as much sex as we
can get away with.
260
00:10:37,614 --> 00:10:39,116
All right, let's get busy.
261
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:42,184
I didn't waste all those hours
watching tv for nothing.
262
00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:44,038
Uh, you mind if I move
a few of these around?
263
00:10:44,039 --> 00:10:45,221
You're gonna
change the schedule?
264
00:10:45,222 --> 00:10:47,139
Oh, no, no, not change...
265
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:48,132
save.
266
00:10:48,132 --> 00:10:49,664
All right.
267
00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:51,710
Hey, you know what
I'd like to see,
268
00:10:51,711 --> 00:10:54,619
a whole night of Will & Grace,
Wouldn't you?
269
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:55,930
BRILLIANT!
270
00:10:55,931 --> 00:10:58,296
Hey, Better yet,
Why don't we
271
00:10:58,297 --> 00:11:00,055
make one night Will,
one night Grace?
272
00:11:04,371 --> 00:11:06,384
So I've come to the conclusion
273
00:11:06,385 --> 00:11:10,316
that New York is the
sexiest city in the world.
274
00:11:10,317 --> 00:11:12,649
From sexy bronx
to sexy brooklyn.
275
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:15,111
The city that never sleeps,
276
00:11:15,112 --> 00:11:22,144
unless it rolls over
and passes out...
277
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:23,935
after Sex.
278
00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:29,114
Ooh, Dick, I just wrote
something so great.
279
00:11:30,361 --> 00:11:31,735
Don?!
280
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,768
You're here. I can't believe it.
281
00:11:38,769 --> 00:11:41,804
Yeah, finally. Crosstown
traffic was a bitch.
282
00:11:41,805 --> 00:11:42,988
Jeffrey?
283
00:11:44,107 --> 00:11:47,814
Yeah, it's me. Close 5th
Avenue and the bridge.
284
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:50,243
Oh, and, uh, tell puff daddy
285
00:11:50,244 --> 00:11:51,779
I'm gonna be late for lunch.
286
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:58,076
Don, you're so different.
287
00:11:58,077 --> 00:11:59,706
How do you mean?
288
00:11:59,707 --> 00:12:03,670
Oh, nothing. I'm just
a little overwhelmed.
289
00:12:03,671 --> 00:12:06,228
I mean, I thought
you were hot in a uniform,
290
00:12:06,229 --> 00:12:09,201
but this is way better.
291
00:12:09,202 --> 00:12:11,887
When I was in uniform?!
292
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,626
I've never worn
a uniform in my life.
293
00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:17,384
Oh, no, I know that.
294
00:12:17,385 --> 00:12:18,535
I just meant like, you know...
295
00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:21,285
your tie and suit.
Although you wore the...
296
00:12:21,286 --> 00:12:22,851
You don't wear the
same thing every...
297
00:12:22,852 --> 00:12:24,769
Sally...
298
00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:27,007
are you going nuts on me?
299
00:12:27,008 --> 00:12:28,989
'Cause I want a girlfriend,
300
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,300
I don't want a nut.
301
00:12:30,301 --> 00:12:32,826
I want a nut,
I go to the nut store.
302
00:12:34,552 --> 00:12:35,736
Jeffrey?
303
00:12:37,302 --> 00:12:38,452
Is everything ok, mayor Orville?
304
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:39,412
I'm leaving.
305
00:12:39,413 --> 00:12:41,009
Mayor Orville?
306
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,822
Mayor-of-New-York-city Orville?
307
00:12:43,823 --> 00:12:47,755
Oh, my god, I'm the
girlfriend of the mayor.
308
00:12:48,714 --> 00:12:50,919
Good-Bye, Sally.
309
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,389
No, no, no, don,
please don't go.
310
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,628
Listen, if I get a little crazy,
311
00:12:54,629 --> 00:12:57,153
it's just that I miss
you so much, you know.
312
00:12:57,154 --> 00:12:58,591
Mr. Mayor,
313
00:12:58,592 --> 00:13:03,834
Mr. Big-city-
in-the-Palm-of-his-hand.
314
00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:08,022
Well, half hour.
315
00:13:12,928 --> 00:13:15,549
New York is so fantastic.
316
00:13:15,550 --> 00:13:16,796
I have the coolest job,
317
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,756
don's here,
318
00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:18,873
plus, he's mayor.
319
00:13:18,874 --> 00:13:20,280
I've never been happier.
320
00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,485
This sounds wonderful, I'm thrilled
for you, seriously thrilled.
321
00:13:22,486 --> 00:13:23,446
Are you really?
322
00:13:23,446 --> 00:13:24,405
No. What, are you crazy?
323
00:13:24,406 --> 00:13:26,418
I'm depressed.
I want to go home.
324
00:13:26,419 --> 00:13:27,568
I haven't found Mary yet.
325
00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:28,528
Oh, you'll find her.
326
00:13:28,529 --> 00:13:29,551
No, I-I've looked everywhere.
327
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:32,524
I checked the faculties
at nyu and columbia.
328
00:13:32,525 --> 00:13:34,697
I even tried the Staten
island academy of beauty.
329
00:13:34,698 --> 00:13:36,615
No Mary Albright.
330
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,949
Although they almost talked
me into their $4.00 perm.
331
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:41,155
Look, Dick, why don't you
try to find somebody else?
332
00:13:41,156 --> 00:13:43,936
I looked, but $4.00 is a very
competitive price for a perm.
333
00:13:43,937 --> 00:13:45,758
Ok, let me give you
a little piece of ADVICE:
334
00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:48,507
You only have yourself to
blame for being miserable.
335
00:13:48,508 --> 00:13:50,137
I can't help it, I'm
having a real problem
336
00:13:50,138 --> 00:13:51,321
with This whole experience.
337
00:13:51,322 --> 00:13:53,398
It's so... So superficial.
338
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:54,358
Oh, god!
339
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:55,860
I miss Mary, I miss love.
340
00:13:55,861 --> 00:13:56,852
Love is real.
341
00:13:56,853 --> 00:13:59,824
No, sex is real, with
or without love.
342
00:13:59,825 --> 00:14:02,062
Granted sex without
love has its place,
343
00:14:02,063 --> 00:14:04,523
usually at a party
under a pile of coats.
344
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:06,122
But, life without True love
345
00:14:06,123 --> 00:14:09,287
is completely meaningless.
346
00:14:09,288 --> 00:14:11,109
Ok, Dick, we're in New York,
347
00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:12,132
why don't you just lighten up?
348
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:13,410
I don't want to lighten up!
349
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:15,936
Why is it that we need to
constantly distract ourselves
350
00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:17,055
from life's deeper concerns?
351
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:19,293
Oh, my god, look at those shoes.
352
00:14:20,477 --> 00:14:23,193
Terrific, I'm talking
philosophy with Ivana Trump.
353
00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:25,175
Look, I gotta see a new client.
354
00:14:25,176 --> 00:14:26,678
I'll talk to you later.
355
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,314
9. This is the place.
356
00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:40,391
Leon, what are you doing here?
357
00:14:40,392 --> 00:14:42,885
I work here, Buddy.
358
00:14:42,886 --> 00:14:44,611
Shouldn't you be in class?
359
00:14:44,612 --> 00:14:47,361
Eh, school's off, it's
a national holiday.
360
00:14:47,362 --> 00:14:50,687
It's Sammy "The Bull"
Gravano's birthday.
361
00:14:51,636 --> 00:14:53,872
Are you Solomon?
362
00:14:53,874 --> 00:14:54,833
Strudwick?!
363
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:55,951
Yes, father strudwick.
364
00:14:55,952 --> 00:14:57,550
I'm the one who called you.
365
00:14:57,551 --> 00:14:58,668
Father strudwick,
366
00:14:58,669 --> 00:15:01,291
you mean you're a priest?
367
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:04,327
I need your help.
368
00:15:04,327 --> 00:15:06,436
I've been accused
of embezzling donations.
369
00:15:06,555 --> 00:15:08,025
You thief!
370
00:15:08,027 --> 00:15:09,975
You horrible, horrible pilferer!
371
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,438
Hey! Hey, pipe down.
372
00:15:16,178 --> 00:15:20,077
♪ If you want the thrill
of love ♪
373
00:15:20,078 --> 00:15:23,498
♪ I've been through
the mill of Love ♪
374
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:27,974
♪ Old Love, New Love ♪
375
00:15:27,975 --> 00:15:31,330
♪ Every Love But True... ♪
376
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:35,550
♪ Love ♪
377
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:38,204
♪ For sale ♪
378
00:15:39,994 --> 00:15:44,821
♪ Appetizing young love
for sale ♪
379
00:15:46,868 --> 00:15:50,543
♪ If you want to buy my wares ♪
380
00:15:50,544 --> 00:15:55,945
♪ Follow me and
climb the stairs ♪
381
00:15:55,946 --> 00:16:01,348
♪ Love ♪
382
00:16:01,349 --> 00:16:03,171
♪ For sale ♪
383
00:16:12,442 --> 00:16:15,542
Applause is nice, but it
doesn't buy the groceries.
384
00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:17,332
You can tip the
performers if you want.
385
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:20,433
Oh, yeah, here... I will.
386
00:16:20,434 --> 00:16:21,935
$100?
387
00:16:21,936 --> 00:16:23,438
I don't care what you've heard.
388
00:16:23,439 --> 00:16:27,114
This will only
buy you another song.
389
00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:28,393
I don't want another song, Mary.
390
00:16:28,394 --> 00:16:30,215
I just want to talk.
391
00:16:30,216 --> 00:16:33,923
Mary. No one calls me
Mary anymore.
392
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:37,792
My stage name is kiki Lyle.
393
00:16:37,793 --> 00:16:42,203
So, you're an actress in New York city?
That's wonderful.
394
00:16:42,204 --> 00:16:45,336
Well, I'm between jobs
at the moment.
395
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,254
14 years in betweeen.
396
00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:50,099
Well, I guess
it's good to rest up.
397
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:53,296
You know, a girl comes to New
York city willing to do anything
398
00:16:53,297 --> 00:16:55,214
to become a star.
399
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:58,539
And once she's done all those
things and she's still not a star,
400
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,457
what's left?
401
00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,375
It doesn't matter
that you're not famous,
402
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:05,060
I like you just the way you are:
403
00:17:05,061 --> 00:17:06,947
Dressed like a slut.
404
00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:08,257
Watch your language.
405
00:17:08,258 --> 00:17:09,536
I'm sorry.
406
00:17:09,537 --> 00:17:12,061
Huh, I've been
called a lot worse,
407
00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:14,586
and the tip was a lot smaller.
408
00:17:14,587 --> 00:17:18,710
But, hey, I'm bringing
the party down.
409
00:17:18,711 --> 00:17:20,373
This is a party,
isn't it, handsome?
410
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,802
Oh, yes. Yes,
it's a party, all right,
411
00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:24,241
because I've finally found you.
412
00:17:24,242 --> 00:17:27,150
Yeah, let's have fun.
413
00:17:27,151 --> 00:17:29,197
Fun is fun, right?
414
00:17:30,636 --> 00:17:32,490
I'm a lawyer.
415
00:17:36,262 --> 00:17:40,928
Lorne? Oh, hi, Tommy.
This is a surprise.
416
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,230
What are you doing at lorne
Michaels' desk, Sweetie?
417
00:17:43,231 --> 00:17:45,467
Well, Ana, I wanted
to talk you alone,
418
00:17:45,468 --> 00:17:48,792
so I sent lorne out
to get me a lattÉ.
419
00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:52,757
Listen, I don't think we can
see each other anymore.
420
00:17:53,557 --> 00:17:56,113
Oh, this is so sudden.
421
00:17:56,114 --> 00:17:58,639
I mean, I thought we
made such a great couple.
422
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,972
Well, I thought so,
too, at first...
423
00:18:00,973 --> 00:18:03,977
what do you mean at first? We've
only been going out a week.
424
00:18:03,978 --> 00:18:10,467
Yes, but, in that week,
my career has exploded.
425
00:18:10,468 --> 00:18:13,409
I just think that my fans would
prefer to see me unattached.
426
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,669
Yeah, I understand.
427
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:18,683
But I'm... I'm not
gonna lie to you,
428
00:18:18,684 --> 00:18:21,017
this really hurts.
429
00:18:23,159 --> 00:18:25,555
And I don't want it ever said
430
00:18:25,556 --> 00:18:31,182
that Ana gastier KEPT Tommy
Solomon locked up in a cage.
431
00:18:31,183 --> 00:18:33,963
I let him run free in the wild,
432
00:18:33,964 --> 00:18:37,895
like the bird
he always longed to be.
433
00:18:37,896 --> 00:18:42,595
Ok. Well, that was a mixed
metaphor, but I'll take it.
434
00:18:42,596 --> 00:18:44,321
Thanks, Ana.
435
00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:47,869
Hey, thanks for not crying.
436
00:18:47,870 --> 00:18:49,053
There's a pro.
437
00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:54,423
Love ya.
438
00:18:54,423 --> 00:18:55,382
You do?!
439
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:57,748
No, not like that.
440
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:05,899
Well, I think meeting Mary
in a parallel universe
441
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:07,114
has done wonders
for our relationship.
442
00:19:07,115 --> 00:19:08,616
It's like starting anew.
443
00:19:08,617 --> 00:19:12,517
You know, it has been so
great for me and don, too.
444
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:17,568
Having sex with the mayor
is incredible, you guys.
445
00:19:17,569 --> 00:19:19,357
I fired 4 people today.
446
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:21,052
From the network, what for?
447
00:19:21,053 --> 00:19:22,491
Eh, they were smarter than me.
448
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:23,866
Only 4?
449
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:30,003
I can't believe how quickly
Mary warmed to me.
450
00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:31,985
It's so easy to talk to her,
451
00:19:31,986 --> 00:19:33,680
so easy to ask her out,
452
00:19:33,681 --> 00:19:36,013
she's much easier here
than in Rutherford.
453
00:19:36,014 --> 00:19:37,835
If that's possible.
454
00:19:37,836 --> 00:19:39,818
I see what you did there.
455
00:19:39,819 --> 00:19:42,470
You are the
professional funny man.
456
00:19:42,471 --> 00:19:44,197
Well, it's New York,
457
00:19:44,198 --> 00:19:47,010
brings out the
best in all of us.
458
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:50,655
Now that I've found Mary, I
could stay here forever.
459
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:53,628
Wait, do you think
we could, Dick?
460
00:19:53,629 --> 00:19:56,728
I'd like to propose a toast.
461
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,646
Here's to New York.
462
00:19:58,647 --> 00:20:01,076
If you can make it there,
463
00:20:01,077 --> 00:20:04,273
then you don't have to
go back to Rutherford.
464
00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:06,031
The solomons are staying.
465
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:08,525
Hey, hey! Whoo-hoo!
32583
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