Original subtitles

♪ Smooth like butter, like a criminal undercover ♪

♪ Gon' pop like trouble ♪

♪ Breaking into your heart like that ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Which led to the Great Train Wreck of 1918

on Dutchman's Curve.

Alicia: Oh, my God!

Speaking of train wrecks, Ms. Gomez, you okay?

Have you ever had a front-row seat to love?

Oh, God, is Mr. Escalante doing the thing

where he lets squirrels eat a cookie out of his mouth again?

No. [ Scoffs ]

A promposal is about to go down.

Come on. I love Winter Formal Week.

Look! She's nervous.

He's reaching into his coat and pulling out...

spray paint?

Yep, that's Ethan and Skyler,

the school's number-one vandals.

You guys rank vandals?

That's weird.

They're the ones who hacked into

Principal Maris' Venmo account and sent everybody a dollar.

-Hmm. -Oh, no, that was actually me.

Well, these two are in love.

Look, he's drawing her a heart with an arrow through it.

Oh, no, Ms. G, that's not a heart.

That's a butt with a --

Can we go back to prepping for our debate?

Sorry.

I love this kind of stuff.

It may come as a total shock,

but I actually didn't go to any of my school dances.

No, that tracks.

Very funny.

I skipped them 'cause I was studying like

you're all probably gonna do.

Miss a chance to be at school in the dark?

No way.

Yeah, we all decided to go as a group.

Uh, unless Griffin promposes to me --

ideally, with a cameo from "Dateline's"

Keith Morrison, where he makes a clever murder pun.

He knows you that well, you marry him.

You marry him good.

Hey, the dance is this Friday.

Why are you waiting on Griffin? You should ask him.

He would be so lucky.

You're right. What am I waiting for?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Did you paint your nails right before class again?

No!

I'm fanning away the tears 'cause you guys --

you have come so far!

I mean, you're making time for school and fun? Check.

Rallying around your friend? Check.

This is exactly what I hoped

teaching would feel like when I came here!

Checkety check check!

Yeah, I checkety checked out halfway through that.

♪♪

That's an ugly butt.

Tell that to my Instagram followers.

Sorry, I was just talking about what I'd say

to the two vandals if I ever caught them.

Oh. I talk to myself, too.

In the mirror.

"Hey, girl, you're a motherfriggin' warrior!

Bump it."

I do it gently 'cause I did break it the one time.

You have disrespected me.

Oh, no, no, no. I love the custodial arts.

No, t-that was me talking to the vandals again.

We are finished.

Now, that one was to you.

Weird convo.

But I like you.

Damn it, who keeps practice-kissing the windows.

Oh, that's nothing.

You should see what I do to the bathroom mirror.

I weep for our youth.

Why are you wearing a blazer?

It looks like you're about to explain

to a group of superheroes the technology that's at stake.

I could, uh, maybe pass as Bruce Banner.

I don't know who that is.

Uh, the superintendent's coming by today,

so you may want to change into something that

doesn't scream, "I had spaghetti today."

I did it on purpose.

It says, "I am a dedicated teacher

that works through lunch."

It says, "I chomp like a Muppet."

Anyway, um, I'm thinking about going with a literary theme

for Winter Formal.

Check it out. We'll have "Edgar Allan Punch"

and "Of Mice and Memories photo booth."

You really can make anything homework.

Do you have a better idea?

How about snow, sleigh rides?

You know, do cold stuff.

Cold stuff?

[ Scoffs ] Seriously?

Actually, that's not bad.

Hey, what if you plan and co-chaperone with me?

Well, seeing as this will be my first dance,

you would have to ask me properly.

Oh, right, right. [ Clears throat ]

[ Awkwardly ] Uh, if you're not doin' anything Friday night,

I don't know, uh, would you want to co-chaperone the dance

with me or, like, whatever?

[ Awkwardly ] Oh, but I don't know.

My curfew is 10:00.

I would love to.

[ Chuckles ]

Not so fast. How are you gonna ask Griffin?

Politely, discreetly -- you know, Milesy.

I'm just gonna walk up to him and say,

"Do you want to go to the dance with me?"

Yeah, that'd be great if you're looking to buy

a one-way ticket to Rejection City.

Yeah, where Luke's the mayor.

But he does kind of have a point.

Yeah, buddy, you've got to go big.

Look, I know what you're thinking.

Go bigger. Take that, double it.

Take that, triple it.

Take that, inject it with steroids!

Maybe I could saunter up with a sparkly sign?

Or you could do something amazing,

like buy him a thousand yellow daisies.

Saw it on "Gilmore Girls."

Didn't Lorelai eventually dump that guy?

Whatever.

No, ignore her.

Buy Griffin a balloon.

Okay, that sounds reasonable.

Then hire a guy to charter said hot air balloon.

And you're done.

Miles, here's the perfect promposal.

Get him a rescue puppy.

If that doesn't convince him to go with you,

we'll have a dog for the next 14 years.

Uh, Miles, you have all of "Romeo and Juliet"

memorized, right?

Shoot. I have an English test next period.

But as for Griffin --

Miles, I, like, really need you.

So, actually, I just saw your face

and I wanted to get you away from them.

Oh, thank you.

Also, I have the perfect idea for a promposal.

Nowhere is safe.

[ Bell rings ]

♪♪

Knock, knock.

Superintendent Pearson, I'm so sorry I'm late.

I was, um --

Referring to yourself as a motherfriggin' warrior?

Okay, so, you're not a janitor.

Posing as one helps me get a feel

for the school, behind the scenes.

Hmm, "Undercover Boss"-style.

Because I'm a boss who goes undercover

to spy on his employees.

Such a lazy comparison.

[ Chuckles ] Yes, you wanted to see me?

Uh, my sense on you is that you are a high-energy,

blunt, unfiltered teacher

who speaks to the students as equals.

Also has windswept hair and an infectious laugh.

[ Laughs ]

But, otherwise, super good job.

I'm very perceptive.

Plus, Principal Maris wrote that in her report.

Huh.

She almost spelled my name right.

So close.

Look, the school board is trying to retain

teachers that we value,

so we would like you to sign a three-year contract.

Three years?

Ooh! It's getting really hot in here.

It's -- [ Gasps ]

Great! Now I have to become the janitor again.

Wow! What happened here?

While I'm cleaning this up, you can sign.

Yeah, um, I don't know, because, like, how will I know

that I still want to do this in a few years?

Like, three years is a long commitment,

and I can't even commit to an eyebrow shape.

Try a "W." I haven't seen that.

So, you don't want the job security here

at Meadows Creek High?

No, no, no, of course I do.

I just -- I want to make sure that this is my passion.

So can I have some time to think about it?

Sure, you take all the time you need.

Just tell me by tomorrow, or have a nice life.

Whassup, Griffie... my liege?

No, that's stupid.

Oh.

Miles, if you're gonna curtsy,

you got to put some depth into it.

Huh?

Griffin should be here any minute.

Sure, we just wanna know which promposal you chose.

Did you go with the daisies?

Yeah, did you time-travel back to the year 2000,

when "Gilmore Girls" premiered?

Hey, hey, the mother-daughter bond

between Sophia and Dorothy is timeless.

You're thinking of "Golden Girls."

Oh.

I'm betting you went with my idea.

I don't think he's gonna go with a promposal

that he has to walk five times a day.

I just want a puppy!

Whoa. Lots of choices, only one good one.

Hot air balloon?

Look, time is running out,

and I need to ask him in my own way,

so use your ideas to get your own dates.

See, there's too many ladies to choose from.

If I were to pick one, the others --

all the others -- would be hurt.

On behalf of all women, we're good.

[ Chuckles ]

With those big ol' paws and those floppy ears!

Will someone get this girl a puppy, because --

-Nobody's getting her a dog. -Please stop.

Miles, we just want to help you, okay?

And you're wasting my time.

I need to ask Griffin before it's too late.

♪ You got me seein' stars ♪

Um, yeah, I'll -- I'll go with you.

Miles, are you okay?

No. If I had ignored you and done what I wanted to do,

I'd be going with Griffin, and not Dominick.

Now they're probably gonna fall in love.

Thanks a lot.

Dude?

Hey, just in time for the punch tasting.

So, I added a super-secret ingredient.

Nutmeg.

Hey, can we do this later?

I just met the superintendent, and, um,

he offered me a three-year contract.

Oh, seriously?!

Oh!

That's awesome!

I -- Sorry, I -- Puh!

Nothin' but net!

Now we know why you were fired

as the assistant basketball coach.

Okay, sorry, I'm just excited at this amazing news!

Yeah. It's great.

Then why does your face look like you're in line at the DMV?

Because if I sign it,

then this job is no longer a stopgap,

it's a career as a professional teacher.

Yeah, screw those selfless do-gooders

who form the backbone of society.

No, no, it's great for you

because you have limited options.

I mean, because this is where you settled.

I am saying really dumb things because I'm --

In the midst of a quarter-life crisis?

I prefer to call it a young-lady crisis.

Nothing to be proud of.

Look, you have made an impact here on everyone,

especially your students.

That's true.

They were telling me today that they're, uh,

taking a break from studying on their own,

and they're going to the dance together.

They're like a little family.

And I'm their Dom Toretto.

Right, you "Fast and Furious" those kids!

[ Deep voice ] 'Cause it's all about family, yeah.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, this is all your fault.

I'm serious.

Isn't that spoon calling the fork silver?

If it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, what's going on?

Miles missed his chance to ask out Griffin.

Ohh.

And now he won't even go to the dance.

-All because of her dumb idea. -All because of his dumb idea.

-Hers was dumber. -His was dumber.

Okay, alright, look, none of the ideas were great,

except for the guy who asked Griffin.

I still have goose bumps.

I just wanted a puppy.

Nobody cares about your puppy right now.

I could be losing my best friend.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Instead of fighting, you should be picking Miles up

and convincing him to go to the dance with you!

He doesn't want to talk to us,

and I'm not going if he's not going.

Me either.

Ditto.

it feels right in the situation.

I can't believe you guys.

I mean, Miles is sad,

and you're more worried about who's to blame?

I thought I taught you better than that.

So much for making them a family.

I really thought I could change them in a few months?

How am I supposed to do that for another three years?

Alicia --

Here comes all the reasons why I should stay.

"Reason, reason, reason."

No. [ Laughs ]

You know what? I'm done trying to sell you.

I'm too busy being a professional teacher.

No, wait. Elliot, I didn't mean it like that.

Vandals...

either of you throw that stink bomb in the trash can,

and I will end you and your adorable relationship.

God, I want what they have.

Man: She thought she was safe,

but the killer was closer than she thought.

You're gonna die, sis.

Just like my heart.

Knock-knock!

Go away, grandma.

It's actually me.

I was referring to that dress.

Hey, I'm wearing this to the dance.

Mm. Well, it's very, uh, floral.

Says the guy wearing a sloth onesie.

You know I pull it off.

I know.

So, I'm sure you're here for a great teachable moment

about how this will only make me stronger.

Actually, I heard what happened

and thought that you could use some cheering up,

so I brought these two hot men -- Ben and Jerry.

Ooh, my favorite.

Did you eat half of it?

There was traffic.

So, how you holding up?

High school sucks.

Yeah.

You know that's not just you, right?

High school sucks even when you're not one of the students.

Makes you wonder if you belong there.

Uh, you've had enough.

Don't be too down.

Remember, you have so many people

that care a lot about you.

Like, to an annoying extent sometimes.

Yeah, I'm not mad at them.

I'm mad at myself because I waited so long to ask Griffin.

Then everything blew up,

and now none of us are going to the dance.

Whoa! No way! I will never be this young again.

Why are you here?

I stopped by to cheer him up on the way to the dance.

In that dress?

Okay, I get it.

Operation Cheer Up Miles is a go.

Yeah, we're not calling it that.

We came to apologize about messing up

the whole Griffin thing.

Yeah, you were right.

We made it about us instead of you.

And Ms. Gomez made us realize

we have a question for you.

I'm not gonna buy you a puppy.

[ Chuckles ] No, no, no. This question actually comes

from the man of your dreams and most people's nightmares.

Hello, Miles.

Keith Morrison from "Dateline" here.

Oh, my God.

Your friends wanted me to ask you

if you would go to the dance with them.

All evidence points to...

a murderously good time.

Get out!

It was kind of my idea.

Well, thanks, but you know that's not the Keith Morrison?

It was kind of Robyn's idea.

Well, it's the thought that counts.

Also, I'm kind of glad Griffin didn't ask me that way.

I think I'd miss the excitement and glitter.

Hit it.

[ Laughter ]

So, what do you say?

Let's do this.

Right after I change.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You guys really are like a family,

and you have each other's backs.

And now you're going to the dance together,

and it's all because of my work as your teacher.

Don't kill the moment, Ms. G.

Remember, if you need new brake pads, stop by

Keith Morrison's Auto Parts.

Yeah, yeah, that's on us.

We should have watched the end of the video.

[ Drill whirring ]

You're a handyman now?

Nope. Just a guy who hates a squeaky hinge.

Either way, you are just the guy I was looking for,

'cause, um, I want to take you up on that offer.

That's great news! Uh, which offer?

I dangle a lot of carrots around here.

The three-year teaching contract.

Turns out that teaching really is my passion.

Just out of curiosity, what brought you around?

I realized that I belong here,

and there's a lot of people here that care about me.

Ah, Mr. Escalante. You figured out he likes you.

I meant my students,

but, yeah, Elliot is my partner in crime.

No, he likes you, likes you.

As the kids say, he's goo-goo, ga-ga.

Kids don't say that.

And you're wrong. We're friends.

You're probably right.

It's not like I'm some guy who sees

and hears everything around here.

Well, my work here is done.

Oh, wait. Aren't I supposed to sign something?

Oh, uh, there was no contract.

I just wanted to know you were committed to this place.

See you at the dance, Ms. Gomez, once you've changed.

I already changed my jacket!

I'll call a handyman!

♪ No matter what ♪

♪ I'm yours tonight ♪

♪ Nothing's ever gonna take us down ♪

-Whoo! -Yeah!

♪ No matter what ♪

♪ Can't change my mind ♪

♪ Something's started, we can't turn back now ♪

♪ Turn back now ♪

Wow!

This gym got a glow-up, and I am here for it.

This is pretty cool.

I love cold stuff.

Luke: Look at all these beautiful prospects.

I'm so happy I decided to go stag.

Yeah, you decided that.

Hey, Miles.

You know what?

I'm gonna go see which one of these ladies

is gonna win the Luke Lotto.

After I get some punch.

I'm gonna go make some of these boys nervous.

I'm gonna go film it.

I'm gonna stay right under this heating vent

because it's cozy.

You know, why don't we go warm up dancing?

Okay, yeah, sure.

So, you and Dominick make a handsome couple.

Oh, we're not a couple.

I mean, he's cool, but he's no Miles Alvarez.

What?!

I mean, thanks.

Save a dance for me?

Maybe.

Yes, definitely.

You know, time permitting.

Actually, how about now?

♪ Ooh, it's a mood ♪

♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah ♪

♪ Na-na-nah ♪

♪ Ooh, it's a mood ♪

Hey.

I guess we pulled this off, huh?

Yeah, you took my idea of cold stuff

and brought it to life.

Listen, about earlier, I'm sorry for overreacting.

This is a big decision, and you should totally --

I took the offer.

Seriously?

Well, turns out it was a fake offer from a fake janitor,

but a real superintendent that made me get really real

about what I really wanted.

Do you follow?

Not really.

Well, I'm really glad.

It will keep this place interesting.

And you would be a mess without me.

[ Laughs ]

Plus, I was not gonna miss my opportunity

to get dressed up and come to my first dance.

Yeah, you look --

I got targeted by an Instagram ad,

and, yes, I regret it.

I was gonna say I love it.

It's so you.

So, seeing as it is my first dance,

I was wondering, um...

[ Awkwardly ] Would you maybe like to, uh, dance with me?

[ Awkwardly ] Uh, well, that sounds swell,

but I should check in with my date.

[ Laughs ] That's a really good twist.

I love how committed you are to the bit.

I was, uh, serious.

I do have a date.

Oh, my God! Elliot, I love this song.

Kelsey, this is Alicia.

Oh! I've heard so much about you.

Cute dress. Instagram?

Come on, let's go dance.

You want to come? We could dance together.

[ Laughs ] Elliot, it's a slow song.

That would be weird.

She's right. It would be super weird.

You two have fun. Go.

You sure?

Yeah.

♪ You were the love of my life ♪

♪ And I'm so sorry ♪

♪ That I made you cry ♪

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪♪

Hey. Come on, Ms. G. Dance with us.

♪♪

Hey, you did pretty good tonight.

My shero.

You guys are the best dates ever!

♪♪

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

[ Music stops, gasping ]

Classic vandals.

♪ Break it down! ♪

♪ Ooh, when I look in the mirror ♪

♪ I'll melt your heart into two ♪

♪ I got that superstar glow, so ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh ♪

♪ Do the boogie, like ♪

♪ Side-step right-left to my beat ♪

♪ High like the moon, rock with me, baby ♪

♪ Know that I got that heat ♪

♪ Let me show you 'cause talk is cheap ♪

♪ Side step right-left to my beat ♪

♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

♪ Smooth like butter ♪

♪ Pull you in like no other ♪

♪ Don't need no Usher ♪

♪ To remind me you got it bad ♪

♪ Ain't no other ♪

♪ That can sweep you up like a robber ♪

♪ Straight up, I ♪

♪ Got ya ♪

♪ Making you fall like that ♪

♪ Break it down! ♪

♪ Ooh, when I look in the mirror ♪

♪ I'll melt your heart into two ♪

♪ I got that superstar glow, so ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Do the boogie, like ♪

♪ Side-step right-left to my beat ♪

♪ High like the moon, rock with me, baby ♪

♪ Know that I got that heat ♪