All language subtitles for Heathers S01E07 Do I Look Like Mother Theresa 1080p STAN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track3_[gre]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,998 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,878 Dear Diary, 3 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:09,000 I was never that girl who was into fairytales. 4 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:14,398 I always thought Snow White was boring. 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,558 Rapunzel was kind of a slut. 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,318 And Cinderella was certifiably insane. 7 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:24,158 I know I've technically been complicit in a few murders, but... 8 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,240 at least I don't talk to rats. 9 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:32,118 But now I know the real reason I never liked fairytales 10 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,038 is because they always end in the wrong place. 11 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,398 Who cares about the dress and the slipper 12 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,720 and the ball and the talking animals. 13 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,598 I want to see 14 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,680 after happily ever after. 15 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,800 I want to see Cinderella and the Prince fight. 16 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,840 I want to see them tear each other apart and put each other back together again. 17 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,638 Then... and only then 18 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,960 will it truly be a fairytale. 19 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,878 She ruined the play. 20 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,798 I heard it was terrible. 21 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,438 -She threw up all over Amita. -Oh, my God. 22 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,960 Everybody's talking about it. 23 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,760 Hello, Heather. We've been waiting for you. 24 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,238 Heathers. This is Heather. 25 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,000 -Hi, Heather. -Hi, Heather. 26 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,198 Now, Heather, you had something to share? 27 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,598 Well... I feel betrayed. 28 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:53,038 My protégé, who I literally made, stole my spotlight. 29 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,198 -It's not your fault. -Trust no bitch. 30 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,118 -I know. -Thank you, Heather. 31 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,638 Who's next? 32 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,878 Well, I'm here because 33 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,238 I'm having some issues with my career. 34 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,638 My brand got trashed. 35 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,838 And then I had this starring vehicle, 36 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,238 and that fell apart because of witchcraft, so now it's like, 37 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,838 what's my thing, you know? 38 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,118 -Just let it out. -You'll get through this, girl. 39 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,558 -You always do. -Thank you, Heather. 40 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,798 -Who's next? -Okay, fine, I'll go. 41 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,638 I'm here because I hate my friends. 42 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,558 One best friend tried to kill me. 43 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,398 Then my other best friend killed herself, without even running it by me. 44 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:33,118 And my third best friend ruined my reputation and... fat-shamed me! 45 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,520 I mean, what is wrong with everyone? 46 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,360 And do you have anything to share, Heather? 47 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:40,920 Well... 48 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,520 I am amazing. I'm perfect. I have it all. 49 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,398 And yet... 50 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,678 my oldest friend, Heather Duke, 51 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,120 basically... 52 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,280 Basically, made fun of me. 53 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,478 So, I guess that's why I'm here. 54 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,198 I mean, 55 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,200 what have I ever done wrong? 56 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,558 So, do we all see a pattern here? 57 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,198 There's a common thread in all of these stories. 58 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,318 -Jealous bitches? -Ignorant plebes? 59 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,080 -Broke down, stank ass queefs? -No, Heathers. 60 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,238 -The problem... is you. -What? 61 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,918 -Me? -How is that possible? 62 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,038 How could I be the problem, troll witch? 63 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,358 -What are you saying? -I'm saying, 64 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,158 maybe it's time you faced it. 65 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,398 We Heather Chandlers are having all of these problems, 66 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,200 not because of other people, but because... 67 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,000 we are not a good person. 68 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,438 -Not a good per-- -This bitch, I swear to God. 69 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,318 -Look at me! I am a victim. -Are you joking? 70 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,798 You do not know who you're fucking with. 71 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,758 It's true. I've been there. 72 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:52,358 I was where you all are now, but... I changed 73 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,478 and I know there is a way out. 74 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,838 The road to being a good person 75 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,598 is long. 76 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,118 But the first step starts 77 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,758 with making amends. 78 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,758 -Apologize? -To who? 79 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,518 -To everyone you've ever hurt. -But that could take years! 80 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,398 I'm sorry, but it's the only way. 81 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,160 The first step starts with saying... 82 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,280 I'm sorry. 83 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,158 Don't you think Heather M would be proud of how far we've come? 84 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,158 Heather Chandler's a total pariah. 85 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,038 I'm the most popular kid in school 86 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,998 and you've finally learned how to apply foundation. 87 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,638 Thanks, Heather. 88 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,038 Okay, fine. 89 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,238 And you and JD are still going strong. 90 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,278 I wonder what I'll wear to your wedding? 91 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,718 Something tasteful but that still makes me the center of attention? 92 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,198 Yeah. 93 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,638 Well, if I ever get married just promise me you'll wear all black 94 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,558 because that will be my death. 95 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,080 I mean, just like... 96 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,718 JD and I are too in love to do something as lame as marriage. 97 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,120 That's for normal people, and... 98 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,840 Well, JD and I aren't normal. 99 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,278 He understands me. 100 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,998 I mean, it took a little work, but... 101 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,040 now we're finally on the same page. 102 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,478 More than I ever thought possible. 103 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,478 Veronica, I was hoping all this sex you're having 104 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,278 would finally deep dick the quote of the day out of you but I guess not? 105 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,680 Even the famous Heather Duke wit can't bring me down. 106 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,078 Hey, you wanna ditch gym and go get Slushees? 107 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,398 Only if you come out with me tonight to celebrate Heather M's birthday. 108 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,238 Oh, do you want to go to Gondalo's? Heather loved that place. 109 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,758 Gondalo's? 110 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,438 Heather M wouldn't want us to celebrate her birthday 111 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,598 over chips and up-chuck con queso. We're seniors. 112 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,958 She'd want us to spend her special night doing something she truly loved. 113 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,000 Going to a bar and getting older men to buy us drinks. 114 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,320 I'm sorry I called you a moldy potato-bug orgy. 115 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,958 I'm sorry I told you you were adopted before your parents had the chance. 116 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,158 I'm sorry I told you you couldn't pull off French braids. 117 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,678 No one can, but I shouldn't have singled you out. 118 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,438 I'm sorry I made you change your name to Maurice. 119 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,198 It's okay, it suits me. 120 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,518 I'm sorry I got your mom fired from the pretzel stand at the mall. 121 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,118 I'm sorry I told everyone you slept with those two hatchet face bitches 122 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,198 who work at the pretzel stand at the mall. 123 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,360 I'm sorry I got your mom fired from the pretzel stand at the mall. 124 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,160 I'm sorry. 125 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,278 Why are you doing this? 126 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,278 Because I'm trying to be a better person. 127 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:48,918 You are sick. 128 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,838 What kind of wicked game are you playing, Heather? 129 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,320 Just hear me out. 130 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,998 Heather, I'm sorry for pantsing you at the Sizzler in fifth grade. 131 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,238 I'm sorry I sold your underwear to the Japanese. 132 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,198 And I'm sorry I told everyone I have a bigger dick than you. 133 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,998 That's only true metaphorically. 134 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,758 I'm sorry I created an online account 135 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,758 in the voice of your weird mole thing. 136 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,998 And I'm sorry it has 43,000 followers. 137 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,998 And I'm sorry I gave an interview to Slate about it. 138 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,078 So that's it. You're sorry? 139 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,238 -Yes. -You, 140 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:22,158 Heather Chandler, are suddenly a better person? 141 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,358 I'm trying to be, yes. 142 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,360 -What day is it? -Friday? 143 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,880 And? 144 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,280 It's Heather M's birthday. 145 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,998 Oh, should we go to that toilet water Mexican place she loved, like old times? 146 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,880 You didn't even remember Heather M's first birthday after her suicide. 147 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,878 All these other twist-ties, 148 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,598 they may have fallen for your little apology tour. 149 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,678 But you haven't changed. 150 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:55,878 Heather M died and you don't even have the decency to wear black. 151 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,920 So, go have fun at Gondalo's alone, Heather. 152 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,718 I hope Heather M is looking down on you from heaven, 153 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,080 judging the shit out of your hairline. 154 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,718 -Brianna. -If you're going to hit me 155 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,080 please do it below my waist where I can't feel anymore. 156 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,960 I'm sorry I yelled at you for trying to kill yourself. 157 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,118 And I'm sorry for yelling at you for being nice to me after the show. 158 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,758 And I'm sorry for nicknaming you "Trailer Parker," which... 159 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,280 while hilarious, was not very nice. 160 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,280 It's okay, Heather. 161 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,238 -Really? -Yes. 162 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,078 Forgiveness is one of my favorite things. 163 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,238 It gives me this warm feeling inside. 164 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,918 -Jesus died so that we could forgive. -Organized religion is a disease... 165 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,240 I mean... 166 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,080 Thank you for accepting my apology. 167 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,078 Did you know Heather McNamara? 168 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,560 Today was her birthday. 169 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,198 Of course, I remember her. 170 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,958 -She would bully me several times a day. -Oh, right. 171 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,838 And I always appreciated how funny she was when she would humiliate me. 172 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,638 I mean, sometimes you get bullied and it's just plain mean, 173 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,598 but she would always add something clever to the mix. 174 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,080 So, I'm thankful for that. 175 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:37,320 Would you like to come with me to her fave Mexican restaurant tonight? 176 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:39,798 I want to honor her. 177 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,278 A sit-down food store? 178 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,920 Oh, yes! 179 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,560 Great. 180 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,998 So, this is Gondalo's. 181 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,878 It's a dump, but they serve booze to minors, so Heather loved it. 182 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,840 I feel like I'm in Spain already. 183 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,038 I'm just gonna operate under the assumption that you don't understand 184 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,918 doing things ironically, 185 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,798 so just order the quesadilla, 186 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,160 and, I don't know... like it, I guess? 187 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,558 Heather M would always eat five bites of one on her birthday. 188 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,078 I'm so sorry for your loss. 189 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,158 You know, I think I can make your hair work. 190 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,638 We'll have to shave it off and then burn it of course, but... 191 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:48,960 Heather? 192 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,640 Let's do a shot in honor of Heather M's birthday. 193 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,518 Two banana Schnapps and yes, we're over 21 194 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,720 and thank you, we know we don't look it. 195 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,718 It feels like just yesterday I was yelling at Heather for being a slut. 196 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,040 I miss her. 197 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,558 To Heather. 198 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,040 To Heather. 199 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,398 Which of these assholes do you think Heather would have been into? 200 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,160 The poorest one with the least amount of prospects? 201 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,078 Oh, mon dieu. 202 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,880 Look who's over there with that bootleg Heather McNamara-looking thing. 203 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,878 Mr. Waters? 204 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,718 What a piece of shit. 205 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,158 Poor girl. She needs a mani, not a pedo. 206 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,000 Didn't he learn his lesson the first time? 207 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,758 If I actually cared about other human beings, 208 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,238 I would take him out back 209 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,000 and make sure he's never a menace to the girls of Westerburg again. 210 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,560 I love that. 211 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,840 Everyone in that room killed Heather. 212 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:24,638 Heather McNamara and Mr. Waters to the office. 213 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,600 I was thinking if there was more I could have done. 214 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,878 What is happening? Why are you touching me? 215 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,198 So sorry. Reflex. I was gonna say grace. 216 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,680 Do you mind? 217 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,400 Okay. 218 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,158 Dear Jesus, 219 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,718 I know you don't have much time to think about me anymore, 220 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,958 and despite my love for you, have seen fit to take the use of my legs. 221 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,678 But you have mercifully left me with a working tongue, 222 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,798 which I intend to use to enjoy this delicious meal. 223 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,560 Thank you, Lord. Amen. 224 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,840 My prayer came true. 225 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,120 We'll take this whole column, thank you. 226 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,918 You know, I'm fine with the chips and the tomato water. 227 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,238 You're afraid of ethnic food. 228 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,438 It's okay, it's just the same four ingredients in different combinations. 229 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,960 It's not that. I had this kind of food in Guatemala. 230 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,798 Wait. You've been to Guatemala? 231 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,238 As a kid. You know, missionary work. 232 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,998 Digging wells, giving out medicine. 233 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,518 I didn't realize that poor people could also do charity. 234 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,398 Of course, silly. There's always people you can help. 235 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,198 And these people are truly poor. 236 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,680 Poorer than you? And you still believe in God? Wow. 237 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,120 I mean... Sorry. 238 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,360 That's great that you help people. 239 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,400 Heather, can I get something off my chest? 240 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,038 You know, even though my cable is scrambled, 241 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,038 I have seen several segments of the movie Carrie, 242 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,278 and so I think I have an idea of where this night is going. 243 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,998 I just ask, if you're gonna dump some manner of pig blood on me, 244 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,678 please do it after we eat? 245 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,518 What? You think I'm gonna Carrie you? 246 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,358 -Why would you think that? -Well, I just assumed, since-- 247 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,680 I'm a fucking good person, you bitch. 248 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,160 Here, let me prove it to you. 249 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,000 I'll let you take a selfie with me. 250 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,840 Give me your phone. 251 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,598 Get on in here. 252 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,520 Okay, here we go. 253 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,838 Cheese. 254 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,240 I think I got it. 255 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,360 Could you post it? I'm... out of minutes. 256 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,358 I'm sorry, I literally don't understand what you're saying. 257 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,598 Rebecca, love is just an idea. A theory. 258 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,398 An antiquated one at that. 259 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,958 You know what love is? 260 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,798 Ownership. I know you don't want that, right? 261 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,958 Give me your car keys. I'll claw his eyes out. 262 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,478 Love is a concept developed by the visually-privileged 263 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,398 that seeks to control others. You're too beautiful to be controlled. 264 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,278 I think I should go. I... 265 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,558 No, no. Come on, just one more drink. 266 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,038 Two whiskeys. 267 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,358 It's just that I don't really feel comfortable in places like this. 268 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,158 I guess I thought you were a good person, Rebecca, 269 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,238 but maybe I was wrong. 270 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,638 I mean, you said you'd have a few drinks with me but I guess you lied. 271 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,358 It's fine. It's okay. You can go. 272 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,118 I just didn't really peg you as a liar, that's all. 273 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,078 No. I mean, I... 274 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,878 Sure. I guess I could have another. 275 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:42,678 Great. 276 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,640 Your make-up is messed up. Go fix yourself. 277 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,278 But babe, if I objectify you, 278 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,078 that's a compliment. 279 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,558 It's Kurt. 280 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,918 Because I love beautiful objects. 281 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:02,158 What if I die tomorrow? Then you'd feel bad. Of course, you would. 282 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,918 Besides, I miss your cute little mouth. 283 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,480 I'll be right back. 284 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,518 Hey, you don't know me but that guy you're with is a really bad dude. 285 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,038 Oh, he's harmless. 286 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,118 No, look I know that you think that, 287 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,158 but please believe me when I tell you that you're wrong. 288 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:28,118 You are in danger. You just need to go straight out that back door and go home. 289 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:31,198 -He means well. -I saw him put something in your drink. 290 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,878 -What? -Yes, just now. 291 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,278 -Shouldn't we call the police? -Yeah, in Sherwood? 292 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,118 They're just gonna find some way to blame you. 293 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,160 Well, I wouldn't want him to hurt some other girl. 294 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,000 Don't worry. It won't happen again. 295 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,560 I promise. 296 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,518 What a bitch. 297 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,398 And I put sunscreen on all over my body, every day. 298 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,598 Can I have some of this? And then I put-- 299 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,678 -I can give you like, a whole-- -Heather, we're going. 300 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,440 But I'm talking to Barbara. 301 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,518 She's a poet. 302 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:21,840 Good luck. 303 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,278 You know what I love about you, Veronica? 304 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,998 You don't give a shit what anybody thinks. 305 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:36,678 You will boldly walk around school with those split ends and you don't care. 306 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,398 Oh, you should get a platinum bob! 307 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,238 I want that to be your hair journey. 308 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,478 Where are we going? I want a grilled cheese. 309 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,000 Why are we stopping? 310 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,238 Just stay here. Okay? 311 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,960 There's something I have to take care of. 312 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,358 Today marks the anniversary of the day that this leafy suburb 313 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,118 was rocked by the murder of a little girl. 314 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,640 A murderer dubbed the Croquet Killer. 315 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,598 Why have the Sherwood, Ohio police 316 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,718 let this case go unsolved for so long? 317 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,598 Well, you know what? If the local police won't do their job 318 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:20,480 and find this monster who's killing our children, 319 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,040 then I will. 320 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,918 That's right, Sherwood. You can sleep tonight because 321 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,558 someone is finally doing right by little Lucy. 322 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,198 We are digging up that little girl's dead body. 323 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,558 We are digging it right up fresh out of the ground. 324 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,758 And trust and believe when we test that DNA, 325 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,278 we will find the sick and twisted individual 326 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,838 who did this and bring them to justice. 327 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,240 Shit. 328 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,558 -Greetings and salutations, my dear. -I thought 329 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,280 -tonight was your girls' night out. -Change of plans. 330 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,278 -What'd you have in mind? -We're young. 331 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:02,480 We're free. Let's make out, get Slushees and avenge Heather M's suicide. 332 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,238 I know Maui is pretty developed, 333 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,278 but it's the only place with half-decent sashimi. 334 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,640 I hope I get to see the ocean before I die. 335 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,158 Okay, time to run. I'll meet you in the parking lot. 336 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,678 -It's fine. -I'll wheel through the kitchen. 337 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,480 Trailer... I mean, Brianna. I'll pay. 338 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,198 -Wow. -It's my dad's card. 339 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,798 He wouldn't send me to Tokyo this year, so he can choke on my charges. 340 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,280 Thank you. 341 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,718 Other than the state of Ohio, no one's ever purchased a meal for me before. 342 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,518 Really? 343 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,160 -Maybe I am a good person. -Of course, you're a good person. 344 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,598 You're confident, you're direct, 345 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,958 you don't care what anyone thinks, 346 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,720 and anything you put your mind to, you achieve it. 347 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,358 You'd be surprised how many people disagree with you. 348 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,200 Honestly... 349 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,600 they're jealous. 350 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,598 Heather, the reason why you think you're better than everyone else 351 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,520 is because you are. 352 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,800 Brianna... 353 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,480 you are my Guatemalan well. 354 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,478 Do you drink? 355 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,758 -Oh, I don't know if the Lord-- -Allows it? 356 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,798 Yes. Jesus bought wine for the Bible people, right? 357 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,318 -I guess so? -Great, 358 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,560 then we're getting margaritas. Cadillacs. 359 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:24,840 Cheerio, asshole. 360 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,038 Whatever it is you're thinking of doing, 361 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,598 it's not too late to stop. 362 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,358 What am I thinking of doing, Mr. Waters? 363 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:42,878 Mr. Waters? You-- You're a student. 364 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,678 So, you're young, with a bright future. 365 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,838 Look, whatever your feelings are about me right now, 366 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,440 don't throw away your life on this. 367 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,680 Maybe you should have given that speech to Heather McNamara. 368 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,918 Heather. I loved Heather. 369 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,078 Well, Heather was your student, so love should have nothing to do with it. 370 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,278 Heather wouldn't have wanted you to do this. 371 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:04,798 She loved me too. 372 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,598 Speaking of love, 373 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,438 maybe a knife through the heart 374 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,118 is how you're gonna decide to kill yourself. 375 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,198 No, no. You don't have to do this. 376 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,280 Heather was one of the only good people in this town and now she's gone. 377 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,040 And I blame you. 378 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,518 -Babe, you want to do the honors? -No, no, babe. 379 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,958 This is your thing. You should do it. 380 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,878 -No, no, you should get to do it. -I insist. 381 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,960 -You're so good to me. -I just... 382 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,640 I'm really proud of you. 383 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,920 Shit! 384 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,078 You're both going to jail, you sick fucks! 385 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,720 Veronica, I need a grilled cheese! 386 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:49,800 You're that low-grade skeeve. 387 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,238 That's for taking away my only lesbian friend. 388 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,880 You know how hard it is to find one of those? 389 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:03,678 Hey, freaks. I'm starving. 390 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,718 Heather had a lot to drink tonight. 391 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,798 And she's not gonna remember any of this, I swear. 392 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,720 -What a pedo. -We should... 393 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,360 I love this bitch. 394 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:07,800 Help me! 395 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,200 I love you, Veronica. 396 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,560 I love you too, JD. 397 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,998 You know what? 398 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,758 From now on, I'm going to start hanging out with real people. 399 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,038 No more friends just because they're smart 400 00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:00,518 or hot or cool or interesting. No. I want real people. 401 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,000 Like you guys. 402 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,158 I mean, Heather Duke wouldn't set foot in a corn dump like this, 403 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,038 let alone dig a well. 404 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,118 You mean Heath? He has dug a well. 405 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,438 -Several wells, with me. -What? 406 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,198 In Guatemala, at vacation Bible camp. 407 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,358 Heather Duke... was a Christian? 408 00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:23,918 Oh, no. He was just down there shooting a commercial 409 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,998 for my church's special camp. 410 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,520 He wanted it for his... reel? 411 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,118 Conversion therapy saved my marriage. 412 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,238 Now I can focus on what really matters. 413 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,798 Like digging wells for the poor in Guatemala! 414 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,760 Conversion therapy. It just works! 415 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,238 Thank you, Jesus. 416 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,838 Brianna. As my new best friend, 417 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,640 I'm gonna need you to text that to me right away. 418 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,280 No, come on, let's get you to the sofa, okay? 419 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,158 Veronica, I'm like... sad. 420 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,760 Here, you want some cookies? 421 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,238 I miss Heather M. 422 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,158 She was like, 423 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:26,078 edgy and hot and like... dumb. 424 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,558 Yeah, I know. I miss her too. 425 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,800 But I think we would have made her really proud tonight. 426 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,240 -To Heather. -Okay, to Heather. 427 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,158 Let me tell you a secret. 428 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,640 Okay. 429 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,160 Heather Chandler... 430 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,360 is a bitch. 431 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,558 Okay. Let's just get you home, okay? 432 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,878 I hate her. Tell me you hate her. 433 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,638 -No, I don't hate Heather. -Why? 434 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,358 We have to hate the same people. 435 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,680 -That's what friends do. -Heather... 436 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:13,720 Heather? 437 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:33,920 "Dear cruel world. 438 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:39,160 I could no longer live with myself. 439 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,518 I was imprisoned..." 440 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,720 "By my improper love for teenage girls. 441 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,398 But that's not the only reason I must end it all. 442 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,918 I can no longer live with the guilt 443 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,640 of murdering that poor little girl eight years ago. 444 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,558 My only solace is in the knowledge that tonight, 445 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,838 the parents of young little Lucy will finally rest well 446 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:11,120 knowing the Croquet Killer no longer haunts this mortal coil. 447 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:17,760 Beautiful. 448 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:24,720 You ready to go? 449 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,840 I need coconut water. 450 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,920 You're gonna make such a good mommy. 451 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,120 I feel like I'm forgetting something. 452 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,600 Good night. 453 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,440 Good night, Heather. 454 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,478 Now I can focus on what really matters. 455 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,758 Like digging wells for the poor in Guatemala. 456 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,920 Conversion therapy. It just works. 457 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,200 Now I remember what I forgot to do. 458 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,360 I see Bride of Chucky wants to play games. 459 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,838 Conversion therapy saved my marriage. 460 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,880 How did that Ursula-looking pork bun get this? 461 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,400 Conversion therapy. It just works! 462 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,400 Oh, no. 463 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,838 And the best part about it was he deserved it. 464 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,678 Sherwood is safer now... because of us. 465 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,400 -Okay, JD. -Babe, don't you see? 466 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,558 The world has failed. 467 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,638 Assholes. Bullies. Pedophiles. 468 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,918 Society failed to get rid of them 469 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,558 but we, you and I, 470 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:09,438 are succeeding in taking out the trash the garbage trucks won't pick up. 471 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,438 Can't we just have one night where there's no society? 472 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,758 No weight of the world? 473 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,358 Just you and me. 474 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:19,680 I'm sorry. 475 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,720 I guess I'm just feeling a little superior tonight. 476 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,840 No more. 477 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,680 Okay? 478 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,200 We're done with all that for good now. 479 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,360 Of course. 480 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,200 Okay. 481 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,680 I got to go study for my chem exam. 482 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,440 Hey. 483 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,200 Good luck on your exam. 484 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,040 Chemistry is my favorite subject. 485 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,758 Today we will finally learn 486 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,280 the true identity of the Croquet Killer. 487 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,360 Hold on. What? 488 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,718 Son of a... 489 00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:02,798 Well, y'all? 490 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,038 It's just as I suspected. 491 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:08,278 There has been an astonishing turn of events. 492 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:12,558 I'll tell you. Bill, can we pull up a picture of this human excrement. 493 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,358 This man left a suicide note 494 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,118 confessing that he murdered this little girl 495 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,278 and begging her parents for forgiveness. 496 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,758 Well, it's a little late for that, creep! 497 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,398 Luckily, the residents of Sherwood, Ohio can sleep tonight 498 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,678 knowing we have finally caught the Croquet Killer. 499 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,318 I'm Lexi Anne. 500 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,478 More on this startling revelation in a moment. 501 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,598 Let's wrap it up, boys. 502 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:37,960 Put her back. 503 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,118 Veronica. 504 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,958 -Pâté? -Honey. 505 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,520 Veronica's a vegetarian. 506 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,518 That was great pâté, Dad. 507 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,238 But I got to motor or I'm gonna be late for homeroom. 508 00:36:06,240 --> 00:36:07,600 Bye. 39704

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