Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

It's really somethin'

bein' a sergeant, ain't it, Sergeant?

Yeah. Two down, three up.

How long did it take you to get them?

Fourteen years.

About as long as it's taking you to clean this room.

Is that what you wanted to be

ever since you was a little boy, Sergeant? A sergeant?

No, I wanted to be President,

but they don't get to wear a uniform,

so I settled for sergeant.

It's kind of a shame you didn't go into politics at that.

You're friendly, you're honest, you're clever...

Knock it off! You got a good speakin' voice.

Do your work. I'll be right back.

Duty hut, Second Platoon. Private Pyle speakin'.

No, sir, I'm just as sorry as I can be,

but he just stepped out.

Could I tell him who's callin'?

Lieutenant Petersen?

Uh, yes, sir.

He just stepped out, just for a minute.

Be glad to, sir.

Uh, "None of the platoon is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment."

Hey, could you hold on just a tiny bit, sir,

uh, while I find a pencil to write this down with?

Sir?

"Sergeant Carter's to report to the Colonel's office on the double."

Well, if you can wait just a half second while I write this...

Hello?

Hello?

Uh, "None of the platoon is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment.

"The Colonel's office on the double."

"None of the platoon is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment. Colonel's office on the double."

"None of the platoon is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment. Colonel's office on the double."

"None of the platoon is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment."

Pyle!

"Special..."

Clear out of here! I want to catch the first liberty bus into town.

"On the double."

There. I just had to write things down. It's easy to forget.

Your mind can play tricks on you.

'Course with you, it's probably different.

With your trainin', 14 years and all,

you can remember real good,

but I still have to write things down.

Otherwise I forget it right the next minute.

Pyle. Yes, Sergeant?

Will you get out of here? I'm on my way now, Sergeant.

I done what you told me to. I minded the phones.

Of course, you was gone such a short time

and there was only the one call.

Yeah. What was it?

Oh, I got it all wrote down here for you.

Only thing was,

I couldn't remember whether to spell Lieutenant Petersen's name

with an S-E-N or an S-O-N.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Petersen, Lieutenant Petersen? What was that about Lieutenant Petersen?

Oh, well, it was just that I didn't know how to spell his name,

S-E-N or S-O-N.

I put down S-E-N.

What's the matter, Sergeant, was it supposed to be S-O-N?

Did he call here? Lieutenant Petersen?

What did he want? What was the message?

Well, it's all wrote down over here.

Huh? Gimme that.

Who can read this?

Let me see.

"Some of the platoon..."

No. That's "None of the platoon is taga..."

Taga? What's a taga?

Oh, that's "to go".

That's funny, I thought that said...

What else, what else?

"None of the platoon is to go on..."

What's that word right there?

How do I know? You wrote it.

Oh, I got it.

"None of the platoon is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment,

"and you're to report to the Colonel's office on the bubble."

Double! Double.

That's it. That's the message.

You never did tell me, Sergeant.

Was it S-E-N or S-O-N?

Will you get out of here?

That's the situation, Sergeant.

There are a lot of men ashore from the Fleet Marines.

So, we're assigning your platoon as extra military police.

Yes, sir. They'll do street duty in town this morning

and relieve the gate and security details on the base this afternoon.

We want the town and entire military installation shaped up.

4-0 on appearance and military courtesy.

I'm sure my visit will tell me a lot.

At ease. I hope so, sir.

Oh, Mr. Horton, this is Lieutenant Petersen.

Mr. Horton is special counsel,

here from Washington for a little look-see.

How are you, Petersen? Nice to meet you, sir.

Could we provide an escort for you, sir, some transportation?

No, I'd like to prowl around alone,

find out what's really going on around here.

Oh, I won't be able to join you for lunch today, Colonel.

I have an invitation from the Army Club.

Great bunch.

I served in the Army myself, 124th.

Great outfit.

A good background for my work

with the Military Appropriations Committee.

Yes, sir, a great outfit.

Yes, sir. I'll, uh, see you later, Colonel.

That'll be all, Sergeant.

But remember,

I want this town and this base policed like it's never been.

I understand, sir. Everything will be 4-0 right down the line, sir.

Ain't it lovely?

Here we are, girls, secret agents double-o zero.

How do we rate all these choice assignments?

Well, it's just for one day.

Yeah, some day they picked!

The streets full of them guys from the fleet.

And after eight months at sea,

they just love to have some MP remind them

to keep their shirts buttoned and their tie clips straight.

They're real sweet about it.

All right, you people, listen up!

Now, I told you I wanted things shaped up, so hop to it.

I don't wanna see one Marine in this town

stepping that much out of line.

Uh, Peters, Swanson, Matthews,

you take the downtown liberty district.

Okay, uh, Gottschalk, you take Center Street.

Slater, Warton Avenue. Pyle, Bristol Street.

You do know where Bristol Street is?

Yes, sir, I sure do, Sergeant.

That's where they got and them bowling alleys

and penny arcades and dance halls.

I always try to avoid that street

whenever I'm in town on liberty.

Some of the folks that you meet there ain't too respectable.

Well, we'll see you, Sergeant.

Hold it!

Gottschalk!

You take Bristol. Pyle, you get, uh, Palmdale Avenue.

Right, Sergeant.

Hold it!

Palmdale, isn't that where, uh...

Girlie shows, tattoo parlors, pool hall.

Now, there's a street that's just full of sin, Sergeant.

Slater, you got Palmdale, too.

Pyle, you move over to, uh, Beacon Street!

What's on Beacon? Gin joints.

Now, that's another evil street.

Evil, evil, evil.

Gottschalk, you got Beacon.

Ah! See here, Pyle? There's the perfect street for you,

only two blocks long, and right in back of us here.

Woodlawn Lane. Anything on it?

Too close to the MP Station, no action at all.

Perfect! There's your assignment, Pyle!

All two blocks of Woodlawn Lane!

Walk up, walk down.

Just make sure it doesn't explode into violence.

I'll do my best, Sergeant.

Fine! I wouldn't trust Woodlawn Lane to anyone else.

Now, don't leave it, and report back to me at noon.

Right, Sergeant.

Well, here you are, Gome.

I sure wish you was stayin' with me, Duke.

I don't know a thing one about MP-ing.

It's no trouble. You've seen 'em workin' before.

I never took no notice.

The only lawman I ever knew

was Sheriff Andy Taylor back home.

Same thing, just be firm, be tough.

Tough? But Andy Taylor wasn't tough.

He's real nice.

Matter of fact, folks was always talkin' on how nice he was.

Okay, be nice. It doesn't matter

there's no action around here anyway.

I sure would feel a whole lot better though

if somebody was to tell me what I'm supposed to do.

Just make sure the guys are neat and behave themselves.

Oh, and, uh, make sure they've washed behind their ears.

You ain't gonna start pullin' my leg, are you, Duke?

You'll be all right. Just relax.

Hey, fellers.

Psst. Psst.

It's 1:00 in the button factory.

I'm a military policeman,

and I'm supposed to tell you fellers

about things like collar buttons, things like that.

Fact is, you're kind of my first customers.

Oh, you're a military policeman?

Uh-huh. That's what it says here, military policeman.

Or, it would say that if there was room,

so they just kind of boiled it down to initials.

And, uh, this is your first day on the job, right?

Right. How'd you know that?

Well, you see, that's our duty,

to go around town checking on the MPs

to make sure they do a good job.

That's right, pal. We're checkers.

Checkers, huh?

Is that kind of like comparison shoppers?

Exactly.

I think the Private here is doin' well. What do you think?

Not bad. Not bad at all.

But, uh, there were a couple of things.

Well, we could give him a break.

It's his first day on the job. We could excuse him.

If you really think so.

What is it, fellers? Am I doin' somethin' wrong? Please tell me.

We're not supposed to tell you.

We're here to grade you and then we make a report.

Come on, I sure would appreciate it.

Well, okay.

Just this once.

Uh, first thing, the armband.

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong? He don't know. He don't know.

How did they ever let you out in the street with it upside down?

Upside...

Yeah. It's got to be turned the other way. Sure.

So when you put your arm up, people can read it.

Sure. And that gun belt.

Oh, is it wrong, too?

He don't know. He don't know.

He just don't know. Look, the gun belt is supposed to be worn

down on the hips close to the thigh,

so you're ready for a quick draw.

Like John Wayne does in The Fighting Seabees.

Sure, pal.

Well, I don't know about that.

I kept askin' them, but wouldn't nobody tell me.

And that hat.

Is that wrong, too?

He don't know.

That hat. What do you think that strap is for?

It's gotta be worn underneath the chin,

in case a windstorm comes by.

Sure, see, it won't blow off that way.

And one more thing. This weapon.

This is a concealed weapon,

and is usually carried inside the pant leg.

Like that.

But Duke and all them others, they's carryin' theirs.

You wanna look better than they do, don't you? Now let me look at you.

Now you look like something. Don't he look better?

100% improvement.

We, uh, we got to give this kid a good grade.

He's a livin' doll. I think we picked a winner.

They said they was checkers,

but I think that they was pullin' tricks.

What a mean thing. What a mean thing to do.

Is this one of your men, Sergeant? Yes, sir.

Didn't I make myself clear this morning?

Yes, sir. Then what is this?

You don't seem very anxious to keep those stripes, Sergeant.

What a mean thing. What a mean thing to do.

I'm sorry as I can be, Sergeant, but them fellers, they seemed like...

I know, I know!

The thing is, we gotta keep you under wraps

for the rest of the day!

Hey, maybe you can just stay in and answer the phone, huh?

Hey, that's a good idea. I can do that real good.

I'll do just like I done this mornin', remember?

I'll take your calls, and I'll write 'em down...

That's out!

The brig! Guard duty at the brig!

I can do that real good, too, Sergeant.

You can bet your bottom dollar that those

prisoners won't escape while I'm watchin' 'em.

Out, out! That's out!

The back gate.

It's quiet, it's remote, it's isolated.

It's perfect.

I got the perfect spot for you. Come on.

Yes, sir, Sergeant. Anywhere you want to put me. I'll just go there.

Any business? Nobody's come through all afternoon.

Perfect. You're relieved. All right, Pyle.

Now take to duty here. Stand guard until 1700.

Then secure with that lock and report back to me. Is that clear?

As clear as can be. You don't have to write it down?

No. Just say it one more time.

Secure at 1700, but until then,

nobody gets in unless he has an ID card, nobody.

And anybody gets out of line,

you simply do a raised pistol

and you take them to the brig.

Now, it's that simple, Pyle.

All right, let's see how you do.

I'm comin' in.

You just come right ahead, Sergeant.

You're welcome as can be, you know that.

No, no, no! You don't know me! I don't?

You don't know anybody. You don't have friends, you don't know faces.

You only have eyes for this little card.

You don't let a single human being

on this base without this card.

Well, what if... Repeat, nobody through this gate without a card.

With a card, in. Without, out. Right.

Right. Now, look, Pyle.

This is the easiest post on the entire base.

Don't foul up! I still wanna have these tomorrow.

Right, Sergeant.

Okay.

Halt! What are you doing?

Nobody passes through here.

What?

You just told me I don't know you, so halt.

That was a test.

I said you don't let anybody through without a card, this card!

Right. Pass, friend.

ID card, please. What's that?

You have to have an ID card.

I have an appointment with Colonel Gray.

Makes no difference. It's not friends or faces,

it's just that itty-bitty card.

Well, I don't have a card, but I do have an appointment.

Now, if you don't mind...

I... I'm sorry, sir, but orders is orders.

This is absurd.

I am Brewster Horton,

special counsel from Washington on assignment.

Now, does that satisfy you?

You still have to have a Marine ID card.

Do you mean to say that you're actually

going to stand there and not let me through?

That's right, sir. Not without that card, my sergeant said.

I don't have friends, and I don't know faces.

Nothing personal, sir.

I'm sure if we met under happier circumstances, we'd be friends.

Now, look here...

And while I don't know your face now,

next time we meet, I'll know it.

It's a big, friendly face.

Matter of fact, you sort of favor my uncle Ernest Bergin.

Well, if you'll excuse me, sir,

I've got to secure this gate, anyhow.

Halt! I'm going in!

Oh, no! You wouldn't! I told you who I am!

What you are is my prisoner.

Sorry, but you'll have to move along, so move along.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, sir, we do have one of the men from your ship. Huh?

Uh, yes, sir.

Well, uh, as soon as you can send some men over to call for him, sir.

Yes, sir. Get him out of here!

Uh, Commander?

This is the most ridiculous MP I've ever been in contact with!

Don't you tell me what I can and what I can't do!

Somebody shut that joker up!

Put him in number four!

I'm sorry, sir, not you.

I demand that Colonel Gray be notified immediately!

Believe me, when he hears of this,

there is going to be trouble!

Well, I'm as sorry as I can be about this, sir.

But the Sergeant here said it won't take long. Would you like somethin'?

Yes! Your name!

It's Gomer Pyle.

"Pyle" rhymes with "file". Makes it easy to remember.

Believe me, I won't forget it.

Yes, sir. We'll do that, Commander. Yes, sir.

Well, Pyle, did you get that back gate secured?

Uh-huh. I done exactly like you said, Sergeant.

If it hadn't been for this one feller...

Brig, Sergeant Carter.

Brig, Sergeant Carter.

This is Colonel Gray, Sergeant. We're waiting for Mr. Horton.

He's here on some assignment from Washington.

Check all gates and let me know if he's returned to the base.

Yes, sir.

Get me the front gate.

Like I said, Sergeant, there was only this one feller

that tried to crash through.

He didn't even have on a uniform.

Seemed kind of nervy to me.

This is Carter here. Has Mr. Horton come through there?

Horton? Horton?

Well, let me know the minute he does. Give me the West Gate.

I can't imagine why he'd do a thing like that.

He's a growed man, too. Had on a nice blue serge suit.

He's a big fellow with a big, friendly face.

Uh, this is Sergeant Carter. Has Mr. Horton come through there?

Well, check it, will you?

I wasn't takin' no chances on you losin' them stripes,

so I took him back there and I clanged the door shut.

He hasn't, huh?

Well, let me know when he does.

Yeah.

Can't you see I'm busy?

Will you beat it? You're off duty.

Yes, Sergeant.

Gimme the Colonel's office.

All right, I'll wait!

Grown man... Blue serge suit...

Big fella with a big, friendly face.

In there?

Clanged shut?

Hello? Hello? Is someone there? Hello? Hello?

Uh, Colonel?

Mr. Horton's on the base.

No, sir, not exactly.

He's here.

Well, I had to do somethin'.

He come bargin' through that gate like he owned this place.

Don't you understand, Pyle? He does!

You wouldn't lock up another Marine or a sailor

or a soldier or even a second lieutenant.

No, not you!

You gotta pull a pistol and take on a big shot!

What do you think will happen?

Well, he's up there with the Colonel right now.

I dare say your name will come up.

Offhand, I would say

your next 50 or 60 years in the Marine Corps

will not be fun and games.

In fact, you'll probably be an old man

before you get off KP.

You might be the first private in history

to make the garbage detail his life's work!

Gosh, what'll I do?

I don't know, Pyle. I really don't.

All I can say is,

if the idea of desertion ever crossed your mind,

you'll never find a better time to look into it.

Shoot, it can't be that bad.

Oh, can't it?

They're gonna get you up there,

they're gonna work you over,

and when you come out, you're gonna be the most chewed-up...

Duty hut, Sergeant Carter.

Yes, sir, he's here.

Right away, sir.

Was it... The Colonel.

He wants to see you on the double.

Well, I guess this is it.

Mmm-hmm.

Could you go with me?

I'm gonna be busy here.

I was the sergeant in charge, remember?

I'm gonna be busy taking off these stripes.

Pyle?

I do have one suggestion.

If they offer you a cigarette and a blindfold,

take 'em both.

I have been on many military installations in my career,

but I have never been subjected to...

Yes?

Send him in.

That's the man!

Hey, sir.

Private Pyle reportin' as ordered, sir.

He's the one, all right.

Well, I don't know what you're going to do in this situation, Colonel,

but I can tell you what the Army would do.

I'll handle it, sir.

Good.

Pyle, do you have any idea what you did?

Yes, sir. Uh, I mean, no, sir.

Then let me make the situation quite clear.

In fact, I'll tell you exactly what you did.

A very important, influential man from Washington

asked to enter this base.

You were on duty.

You followed regulations, you carried out orders,

and conducted yourself in a military manner.

Well done, Private.

You're dismissed.

Dis... Dismissed?

All right. All right, Colonel!

You've made your little speech.

Now do you know what I'm going to do?

I am going to go back to Washington...

Yes, sir, you're going back to Washington

and you're going to tell them that when they

take security measures at Camp Henderson,

they really take them.

Why, even an official from Washington can't get through

without proper identification.

You can't ask for tighter security than that.

Isn't that what you're going to tell them?

Well, I... Well...

I mean, that should really please them back there.

These strict precautionary measures.

You're dismissed, Private.

Then I'm not really in any trouble?

Golly!

I can't wait to get back and tell Sergeant Carter.

I won't even know how to explain it to him.

You just tell him what I said.

That you followed regulations, carried out orders,

and conducted yourself in a military manner.

"Followed regulations, carried out orders,

"conducted myself in a military manner."

What's the matter? Do you happen to have a pencil and some paper?

It's my memory.

Sergeant!

Wait till you hear! Wait till you hear!

What are you doing here?

You'll never guess in a million years!

What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the brig?

You'll never guess in a million years!

This is gonna come as a real surprise to you!

What? What... What happened? What'd the Colonel say?

Wait till you hear, Sergeant. Wait till you hear.

Pyle, what did he say?

Oh, uh...

It's a good thing I wrote it down.

He said I followed regulations and carried out orders

and conducted myself in a military manner.

Are you kidding?

He bragged on me and said, "Dismissed."

Well, how about that, huh? Huh?

The old man's okay, huh?

He backed you up against the big brass.

Guess you don't have to worry about them stripes now, neither.

Hey! That's right!

I told him what you done, too, Sergeant.

Hey you did, huh? You put in a plug for me, huh?

You told him I was the one that instructed you

on the rules and regulations?

I told him what you said.

How this never would have happened if it had been you.

That you would have let that man in without an ID card.

Uh, what did he say to that?

Oh, I wrote that down, too.

"Sergeant Carter will not go on liberty next weekend.

"He will report for MP Duty,

"checking ID cards at the back gate

"all day Saturday and Sunday."

I think that's Sunday. Must be Sunday.

It's got a big, curly letter in front.

Must be an "S".

Like I said, my handwriting is so...