Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

You're wrong, Duke.

Well, I got two bucks says she doesn't show.

Well, I'll take that bet.

I Don't see how you can say that.

That's terrible, Duke, just terrible.

Oh, come on, Gomer, it's happened before.

A big movie star says she'll show up and then she doesn't.

What's so terrible?

You know what it shows on your part?

It shows a lack of faith on your part.

Gomer's a little prejudiced, fellas.

You'll have to excuse him.

Gloria Morgan does happen to be my all-time favorite. That's right.

Oh. You got a thing about Gloria Morgan, have you, Gomer, huh?

I don't exactly know what that means, Duke,

but the lady is my favorite actress,

and I don't appreciate talkin' loose-like about her around a men's barracks.

Okay, okay. So, when she shows up for the dance tonight,

if she does show up, why don't you ask her to dance with you?

Huh? Ask her to dance.

Your favorite movie actress.

You'll be able to hold her in your arms and dance.

I don't appreciate you talkin' about her like that.

Who are you takin' to the dance anyway, Gomer? Just me myself.

I do plan on doin' a whole lot of starin' at Miss Morgan, though.

That sounds pretty exciting, all right.

I just hope it don't make her too edgy.

You know, a lot of folks get real edgy after you stare at 'em a long time.

Well, if she just gets edgy, you walk right up to her,

put your arms around her...

I don't appreciate talk like that about her, Duke!

Okay, Pyle, what did you do this time?

About what, Sergeant?

You're wanted in the Colonel's office.

The Colonel? He wants me?

Well, he asked specifically for you.

There's only one Gomer Pyle.

I don't think the world is ready for another Gomer Pyle.

I wonder what the Colonel wants.

Well, there's only one way to find out, Pyle,

get over there on the double.

He didn't tell you what... Move it!

Private Pyle, reportin' as ordered, sir.

At ease, Pyle.

Thank you, sir.

Pyle, do you remember that enlisted man's dance a few months ago?

The one you took my daughter, Jane, to?

Yes, sir. I remember, and I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry? She had a very nice time.

She did? Well, I did, too. I really, truly did.

Not only is Miss Jane real nice,

but she's a real good dancer, too.

Do you know she didn't even stumble once that whole evenin'?

Yes, uh, well, uh, Jane's home again.

Has a little time off from school,

and I was wondering if you'd care to take her to this evening's dance?

Yes, sir. I sure would, sir.

I'd consider that a real honor.

Fine. You can pick her up a little after 8:00.

I'll authorize a jeep for your use.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Carry on, Pyle.

Sir? Yes, Pyle?

When I bring Miss Jane home,

I'll be real careful not to squeal the brakes,

just in case you and the missis decide to turn in early.

Thank you, Pyle. That's very thoughtful.

And that ain't all, Duke,

her daddy said I could even use a jeep

to take Miss Jane to the dance.

No two ways about it, Gomer, you're becoming quite a ladies' man,

and with the Colonel's daughter.

Oh, go on, Duke.

But we did hit it off kind of good that first date.

Hey, Gomer, do me a favor.

Sure, Duke, what?

Invite me over to your house for dinner after you get married

so I can hobnob with you and all the other brass.

Won't do me any harm to show I'm buddy-buddy

with the Colonel's son-in-law.

Doggone, Duke. I think you're just...

Guess what, they're bringin' Gloria Morgan

to the barracks! She's headed this way.

You're kidding. Go on, they wouldn't do that.

Women ain't allowed in Marines' barracks.

I just saw her outside! Come on!

Let's get this place squared away!

They're bringing a civilian visitor through any minute!

Then it's true, Sergeant, Gloria Morgan's comin' through this very barracks?

The Gloria Morgan?

That's right. She arrived a little early,

so she's being shown around the base.

Did we catch you unawares?

Shazam! I'm so excited!

Just feel on my heart, Sergeant, it's goin' ka-thump...

Pyle!

I'm so nervous. How do I act when she gets here?

What do you mean how do you act?

You stand there at attention and don't talk.

Talk? Why, if she looks at me, I'll just die! I'll just die!

Good. I'll see what can be arranged.

Here they come!

All right! Knock it off, knock it off!

Get back to your bunks!

Ten-hut!

Hello, boys. Hello.

Hello.

The, uh, living quarters are pretty much alike in all the huts,

bunks, lockers.

Why, do you mean to tell me that they keep

everything they own in these little lockers?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Just about everything they need.

Well, now!

Whose locker is this?

Well, whose locker is this?

Uh, it's Private Pyle's locker, sir.

Isn't it, Pyle?

Y-Yes, ma'am... Sergeant.

I... I mean, sir.

Well, now, I just bet you put those pictures up there

when you heard I was coming, didn't you? Very sweet, though.

No, ma'am. I cross my heart, I didn't.

They've been stuck up there almost ever since I've been here. Honest.

Really?

Well, I'm very flattered.

Not only that, but I've seen all your movies, too.

There was Doomsday at Taranto,

It Happens Every Payday,

Lost Lovers Forever, Dinner With Diana,

I Love You, I Love You, I Love You...

I seen that one three times.

Lady Be Bad, and Faithful Till Tomorrow.

My goodness, what a memory you have.

You know, I did some of those pictures so long ago,

I didn't even remember them myself.

Oh, that's very sweet.

Say, um, would you like me to autograph that picture for you?

Golly.

Would you, ma'am?

Oh, I'd love to. Does anybody have a...

Uh, fountain pen? Is that what you want?

Now, what's your name?

Uh, Pyle, Gomer Pyle.

Gomer, like Homer, except with a G.

And Pyle, like pile, except with a Y.

Are you gonna make that other picture, ma'am?

The one with you and Mr. Hudson together

on that island with the overactive volcano?

How'd you know about that?

Well, you bein' my favorite female movie star and all,

I not only see all your pictures,

but I read all I can about you, too.

You know I think you know more about me than my agent does.

Well, thank you kindly for your autograph, ma'am.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

I... I've seen a lot of your pictures, too, Miss Morgan.

Really? How nice.

Well, goodbye, boys.

Bye.

Bye, Homer. Gomer!

Bye, ma'am.

It's sure a pleasure talkin' to you.

Bye.

"If she looks at me, I'll die.

"I'll just die!"

Gloria Morgan.

She wrote it in her own hand, on my very locker.

Well, I can see it already in Hedda Hopper's column,

"What well-known movie actress and what Marine private

"are past the hand-holding stage and rumored to be altar-bound?"

Oh, stop that, Duke.

Gomer, I'm just looking into the future.

And I see you and Gloria

off on an island with an overactive volcano and there...

Hey, movie fan!

Me, Sergeant? You!

It's your turn to clean up the duty hut.

Yes, sir.

And Smith and Sullivan, you police up in front of this hut.

Hey, Sergeant, did you see what Gloria Morgan wrote on my picture?

I saw it, I saw it.

"Sincerely, Gloria Morgan."

Swell. Move it, Pyle.

And if she wrote "sincerely", she meant sincerely

on account of she's a sincere person.

Did you see her in Faithful Till Tomorrow?

She was so sincere... Pyle, did you hear me?

On the double! Yes, sir.

"Sincerely."

She wrote "sincerely" on there.

You know something, men?

I think Gloria Morgan really got to Gomer.

Hey, do you guys wanna have some fun?

What's up? ALL: Yeah, sure.

We're gonna make a little phone call.

Come on.

Sergeant Carter's quarters.

Let me talk to Sergeant Carter.

Well, he ain't here right now, can I take a message?

Well, I'm trying to get in touch with a Private Gomer Pyle.

Oh, well, this here's Gomer Pyle talkin'.

Hold on a minute, Private.

Hello, Gomer?

This is Gloria.

Gloria?

Gloria Morgan. Have you forgotten already?

Shazam! Hey, Miss Morgan.

Excuse me for not recognizin' your voice,

but you sure sound different.

I do?

That must be because this is my telephone voice.

Listen, I was wondering...

How would you like to escort me

to the enlisted men's dance tonight?

Me? Are you sure you mean me, Miss Morgan?

Oh, I'm very sure, Gomer. Say you will.

Golly.

What an honor. What a real honor.

It's all settled, then.

You can pick me up at the guest quarters

at the Officer's Club tonight at 8:00.

Toodle-oo.

She called me Gomer.

What?

Sergeant, you'll never believe this, you really won't,

but that was Miss Morgan, Miss Gloria Morgan.

She called up and asked especially for me.

You're right, Pyle, I don't believe it.

See, I told you you wouldn't believe it, but she did.

She called on that very phone there and wanted to know if I'd take her

to that enlisted man's dance tonight,

and I told her...

Oh, Lordy!

I clean forgot. I'm supposed to take

the Colonel's daughter to that dance tonight.

Well, aren't we Mr. Popular?

That's what you get for not checking in your datebook, Pyle.

But this is serious, Sergeant.

What an embarrassin' predicament.

How could I make such a dumb mistake? What'll I do?

Pyle, don't bother me.

But this is serious, Sergeant. I can't take both of those girls to that dance.

What'll I do? Please tell me.

Well, it's simple, really.

You just call up both gals and you tell them you're sorry,

you can't take them to the dance

because you won't be able to dance tonight.

Huh?

Why won't I be able to dance?

I forgot to tell you.

Before you call, you shoot yourself in the leg.

Gome, what's the matter? You look awful.

Oh, I got myself a terrible problem, Duke. Just terrible.

Well, what is it, pal?

Well, Miss Morgan called, Miss Gloria Morgan. Mmm-hmm.

And she wanted to know if I'd escort her to the dance tonight.

And naturally, I said yes, but I clean forgot

I'm supposed to take the Colonel's daughter.

Oh, that is a problem.

Well, what am I gonna do, Duke?

If I back out on Miss Jane, well, that'll hurt her feelings,

and if I back out on...

Oh, I got myself into real trouble this time.

I feel awful, just awful.

Uh, Gomer... Yes, siree,

real honest-to-goodness trouble.

Look, Gomer, hold it, um, before you blow a gasket,

I got some news for you.

You don't have a date with Gloria Morgan.

Well, sure I do. Miss Morgan herself called me on the phone.

No, no, that wasn't Gloria Morgan that called you.

Huh?

I-It was me, playin' a little joke.

I don't believe it.

You don't?

Hello, Gomer?

This is Gloria Morgan, you silly boy.

I'm surprised at you, Duke.

That's really a cruel thing to do to a person.

It really, truly is.

It was just a little joke, Gome.

Well, it's still a mean thing to do.

Yeah, I guess it was kind of a cruel trick at that.

I'm sorry.

Shake, pal?

Okay, good buddy.

Then I really don't have to take Miss Morgan to that dance tonight?

You sure don't. You got a date to take me.

And you'd like your escort to be one of the men here on the base, a private?

Yes, if I may. Fine,

and very appropriate, I might add,

since it is an enlisted men's dance.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get home.

My daughter just arrived from college for a few days,

and, uh, I must tell her that she, too,

has an escort for tonight's dance.

Captain, uh, help Miss Morgan locate the Marine in question.

Yes, sir. Thank you, Colonel.

Thank you, Miss Morgan.

Now if you'll excuse me... Certainly.

Well, now, uh, just what is the name

of the, uh, private you'd like as your escort for the dance tonight?

Oh, now, let me see. It was a strange name. Um, Homer.

No, Gomer, like Homer, except with a G,

Pyle, like pile, except with a Y.

Gomer Pyle.

Sergeant Carter here.

Uh, yes, sir. Private Pyle, sir?

I'll get him for you right away. He's in the area.

Hey, Pyle! Get over here!

You're wanted on the phone!

He'll be right in, sir. Yes, sir.

Phone for me, Sergeant? It's the Captain.

Are they doin' that again?

Are they doin' what again?

Oh, they acted out this mean trick.

I told them it was a cruel joke, and I'll tell them again.

Hey, Duke,

I'm surprised at you, pullin' another fake call like this

after admittin' just a few minutes ago

that it was a mean, cruel trick to do.

Gimme that!

Listen, Slater, any more practical jokes,

and I'll have you doin' push-ups from now till Groundhog's Day!

Now get back to your barracks, you knucklehead...

I don't know what you're babbling about, Sergeant,

but I have Miss Morgan here.

Now put Private Pyle on the phone,

or I'll have you doing push-ups!

Y-Yes, sir. I... I'm sorry, sir.

It was all a misunder... Right away, sir.

It's her. It's really her.

Well, take it, take it!

Hello?

Hello, Gomer, is that you?

Hey, Miss Morgan. Is it really you this time?

I assure you it is.

Gomer, I understand that it's customary

for a Marine to escort the guest of honor to the dance, and, uh,

well, I've made my choice.

It's you. Will you take me?

Me? You mean it?

You really mean it?

Why I'd be honored to, ma'am.

8:00 at the Administration Building.

Bye, and thanks, ma'am.

Well, what do you know?

I really am gonna escort Miss Morgan to that dance tonight.

That was her, and she just said...

Oh, Lordy! I done it again!

I got myself two dates for that dance tonight, is what I've done again

and I really done it this time.

Golly, Sergeant, what am I gonna do?

Well, you could claim you're an amnesia victim and don't remember anything.

Or you could desert.

They don't hold dances at Leavenworth.

Or you could shoot yourself in the leg.

I still think that's the best way.

Gomer! You didn't even let me finish my makeup! Are we late?

I just wanna get to the dance.

Well, here we are, ma'am.

Gomer, why do you keep looking at your watch?

Oh, I guess it's because

that the Marines do everything by the clock, ma'am.

Shall we dance? Well, I thought first we should take a walk...

Thank you, ma'am. Why don't you sit there and rest awhile now?

Oh, but I'm not tired. Well, I'll just go over here and get...

Good evening. May I?

Well, I... Sure you can, sir.

You two enjoy yourselves, and I'll be right back.

Gomer, for heaven's sakes,

you didn't even stop to say hello.

Oh. Hello, Miss Jane.

Well, let's go.

Well, now then, Gomer, tell me, how's everything been?

Fine.

The place sure looks nice, doesn't it, Gomer? Sure does.

Oh, look, there's Gloria Morgan.

Where? Over there.

I'd love to meet her. Oh, wouldn't you, Gomer?

Huh? Oh, sure.

Excuse me, ma'am. I'll go get us some punch.

Oh, but, Gomer, I really...

Hey, Miss Gloria, I'm back.

Did you enjoy dancin' with Captain Murdoch?

Oh, yes, I had several dances with Captain Murdoch.

Captain Murdoch's a real good dancer.

I thought you'd enjoy dancin' with him.

Yes, I did, but now I'd like to finish our dance.

Would you excuse us, please?

Gomer?

Yes, ma'am.

Gomer, that, uh, girl you've been dancing with, is she your girl?

Uh, oh, what girl?

The one you've been dancing with.

Well, what makes you think that?

Well, she hasn't taken her eyes off you.

Uh, excuse me, ma'am, I'll get us some punch.

Uh, but, Gomer, I...

Here's our punch, Miss Jane. Thank you, Gomer.

I, uh, see you were dancing with the guest of honor.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

I figured that's the least I could do,

with her sittin' on the wall like a wallflower and all.

That was very thoughtful of you, Gomer.

She's very pretty, isn't she?

I guess her features do go together

in kind of an interestin' way at that.

I'll get us some punch. Gomer, we have punch.

Oh, yeah.

Mine's all gone. You mind if I get me some more?

By all means, Gomer, do go get some more punch.

I guess the night air's made me kind of thirsty at that.

Well, don't bother...

Here I am again, ma'am.

Where's our punch, Gomer?

Oh, oh, well, I... Gomer!

Look, Gomer, if you have another date, I don't want to...

Oh, you're not! Excuse me, ma'am.

Oh, hey, Miss Jane, I just got us some more punch.

Gomer, I don't want any more punch.

Aren't we gonna dance anymore?

Yes, ma'am, right now.

Well, what do you know? The music stopped.

Miss Morgan? Oh, won't you sit down, Captain?

Thank you.

Well, are you enjoying the dance?

Oh, yes, very much. Good.

Where is, uh, where is your escort?

My escort? I'm afraid I've been abandoned.

You've been what?

I'm afraid Private Pyle has another date.

Will you excuse me for just a moment? I'll be right back.

Oh, Captain, please don't say...

Pyle!

Excuse me, Captain. Would you, please?

Thank you, sir.

Where you goin', Miss Jane? I'm going home.

Oh, but you can't do that. The dance is hardly started.

Gomer, if you don't mind, I'd like to leave.

Well, I'm sorry, ma'am, but if you'd just let me explain...

I made a point of telling daddy

that I'd like only you to take me to the dance.

I just feel very foolish.

Well, I'm sorry. I really did want to take you...

Gomer, it's all perfectly obvious. Good night.

Well, it may be perfectly obvious to you, but it ain't the truth.

If you'll just wait here just a minute,

I can explain the whole thing.

Will you, please, Miss Jane?

Well, all right, Gomer.

But I won't wait long.

All right. Now, you just wait right there.

I'll be right back. Honest. Just wait right there.

Miss Jane?

Miss Jane, this is Miss Morgan.

Miss Morgan, this is Miss Jane, Colonel Gray's daughter.

How do you do? Hello.

I know both you ladies are mad at me,

and I'm sorry,

but, truly, I didn't know what else to do.

You see, Miss Jane, when your daddy asked me

if I'd like to take you to the dance,

I was real happy to.

And then Miss Morgan called me

and asked me the very same thing,

and my brain sort of froze, and my big mouth took over,

and I found myself with two dates.

Now, I know what I should've done,

but I was afraid I might hurt one of you's feelings,

and I couldn't do that.

With you bein' my favorite movie lady, Miss Morgan,

and you bein' my favorite in-the-flesh lady, Miss Jane.

I just hope you two ladies can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Miss Morgan?

Miss Jane?

Shazam!

Well, I declare.

Hey, Sergeant.

Dancin' sure is good exercise for you, Miss Jane.

The way you do it, it certainly is, Gomer.

I sure am glad that you and Miss Morgan ain't mad at me no more.

You know something, Gomer.

I think you should take two dates to every dance you go to.

Then one partner can rest up

while you dance with the other one for a while.

That sure is somethin' to think about.

I know one thing for sure, though,

if it ever happens again,

I'm gonna be sure and tell both parties beforehand.