Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

And left, hut, left!

And left.

Detail, halt!

Left face!

At ease!

Sergeant, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Yes.

That's your privilege. After all, you don't know

whether the question I'm gonna ask is that important or not,

so I respect your decision.

All right, Pyle, what is the question?

Well, if you'd rather I didn't ask it, Sergeant, why, I'd just...

Pyle, what's the question?

Well, I was just gonna ask how long we was gonna be here,

for kind of a personal reason.

Just what is the personal reason?

Well, you see, I got this rock in my shoe,

and on the way over here, I figured

it'd take me about a minute to get it out.

So, if we wasn't gonna be here that long, I couldn't.

Pyle, don't you know you're standing at ease,

which means you keep one foot in place?

Yes, sir. I can stand on one foot,

and raise the other one up like this,

and that's the reason it'll take me at least a minute.

I got real good at this back home by watchin' whoopin' cranes.

They can stand like this all day.

Pyle, I don't know how long we're gonna be here, they didn't tell me.

But for right now, you sit down on the deck,

take the stone out of your shoe, put your shoe back on,

get up, then stand there like a Marine,

and not like a whooping crane!

Yes, sir, Sergeant, and thank you.

Come in.

Sergeant Carter reporting as ordered, sir.

At ease, Sergeant. Your detail outside?

Eight men from my platoon. Yes, sir.

Sergeant, you and your men are pulling guard duty tonight at Warehouse 12.

Your ammo will be issued here.

Guard duty, sir? Guard duty.

You weren't notified in advance

because we're invoking security precautions.

A gang has been working our warehouses almost every night.

Did you know that, Sargeant? No, sir.

They never use the same method twice.

They've taken electronic gear,

other equipment worth thousands.

Now, just in case they have a man inside the base,

we don't want them to know who our guard detail will be.

Yes, sir.

Do you have good men, Sergeant?

With me since boot camp, sir.

They've got your stamp on them, huh?

Yes, sir. Good.

The CID is working on this,

but in the Corps, we... we count on the men in the field.

You'll be officer of the day, sir? Right.

But I don't mind telling you, Sergeant,

that the, uh, ones who pull in this gang

will be up for a commendation.

Yes, sir. You can count on us, sir.

On the other hand,

if some goofball on guard duty

should let those crooks get away with any more government property,

very unpleasant things will happen.

Is that clear?

Uh, yes, sir. It's very clear, sir. Yes, sir.

I can't emphasize strongly enough the importance of the whole operation.

Now, I would assume that the most important guard posts

would be four, five and six.

Sergeant?

Uh, yes, sir. Four, five and six.

But since we have no previous pattern of operation for this gang,

it's vital that every man on every post be on his toes

from the minute he's assigned to the minute he's relieved.

We keep that in mind, I think we're home free.

What's your 7th General Order?

My 7th General Order is, "To talk to no one except in line of duty."

Your 4th General Order!

My 4th General Order is,

"To report all calls more distant from the guard house than my own."

Your 9th General Order! Well...

Pyle, do you or do you not know your 9th General Order?

Oh, yeah, Sergeant, I even know that one backwards.

My 9th General Order is,

"To call the corporal of the guard

"in any case not covered by instructions."

Okay. Now you wanna hear it backwards?

"Instructions by covered not..."

Knock it off!

Anyway, I'm to call the corporal of the guard.

Do you wanna hear how I call him?

"Corporal of the guard, post number 4!"

That's if I've got post number 4. If I got post number 3, I say,

"Corporal of the guard..." Knock it off!

Pyle, there will be no corporal of the guard.

There will be a sergeant of the guard,

and I will be that sergeant.

Wonderful.

Pyle!

I will be checking on you

every minute you're walking your post.

That's real friendly of you, Sergeant.

That's not being friendly!

Well, sure it is. It gets mighty lonesome out there

walkin' back and forth all hours of the night.

Your General Orders do not take into account your getting lonesome.

It's scary, too. Pyle,

you're not a Cub Scout going on an overnight hike.

You are a Marine!

And that's all due to you, too, Sergeant.

All right, you people, listen up and listen good!

You are going to be on your toes tonight

because a gang of thieves

has been making off with Marine property,

and they may keep right on trying!

So challenge everyone!

No matter what they tell you, don't believe it!

Call me and keep them there until I come!

Is that clear?

Yes, Sergeant! All right, now,

we're gonna be guarding Warehouse 12.

That's a natural target. Electronic equipment.

Now, we don't know how this bunch operates

because they never do the same thing twice.

So, anything suspicious, and I wanna hear it from you!

Anything you see, hear, smell,

and cannot identify,

and I wanna hear it from you!

Now, what do I wanna hear?

Sergeant of the guard! Again!

Sergeant of the guard! I can't hear you!

Sergeant of the guard! Sergeant of the guard!

Sergeant of the guard! Sergeant of the guard!

Halt! Who's there?

Gomer, that's five times you've challenged me

just because I'm walking the next post.

Sergeant Carter said to challenge everybody.

But I told you, I'm just walking the next post.

Sergeant Carter said not to believe anything they told you.

Oh, boy. So if I tell you I'm walking the next post, you shouldn't believe me?

That's right. Even if I tell you my name you shouldn't believe me?

Maybe you ought not tell me.

Duke, I know it's you.

It's just that I've got to keep on practicin' that challenge.

You're really playing cops and robbers, aren't you?

Look, nothing's gonna happen.

Who's gonna try and break into a warehouse with guards all around?

I don't know, but I'm always keepin' on the alert.

Yeah, sure.

That bunch is clever, and I ain't gonna let them outsmart me.

I got good eyesight and a loud voice.

So, anything that I see,

I'm gonna yell for Sergeant Carter.

You do that.

Uh, are you gonna challenge me the next time we meet here?

I might. Oh, brother.

Halt! Who's there?

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Well, what is it, Pyle? What is it? What did you see?

I don't rightly know. Something moved over that way that I couldn't identify,

and my instructions was anything that...

Yeah, yeah. O-Over there?

Yes, sir. Come on.

Pyle, don't you know a cat when you see one?

Oh, yes, sir. I can tell a cat real good.

Trouble is, I didn't see this cat.

I just heard a sound.

Why, it could have been them robbers makin' cat noises.

Pyle.

Back home, we had this cat burglar,

and he used to crawl into people's houses

and go "Meow, meow..."

Pyle!

Anyways, my instructions was that...

I know what your instructions were,

and I didn't say anything about cats!

Carry on!

Yes, sir, Sergeant! Don't you worry.

I'm keepin' always on the alert!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5.

What is it, Pyle? What is it?

I don't rightly know, Sergeant.

What do you mean you don't know? It's not another cat, is it?

It's more like a rabbit, I think.

A rabbit?

I never did see it, but it give off kind of a hippity-hop sound.

You mean you're just standing out here in the middle of the night

yelling over a rabbit?

I didn't want that gang of thieves to outsmart me

by making rabbit noises and trickin' me into thinkin'

that they was bunny rabbits,

so I didn't think at all, I just called you.

Pyle, if a gang of bunny rabbits is robbing this warehouse,

I do not want to hear about it!

And that goes for cats and mice and chipmunks.

They are not my problem!

When you see something walking on two legs,

then I want to hear about it!

Until then, I don't want to hear another word! Is that clear?

That's clear enough, Sergeant. Fine!

Rabbits and cats and mice, they ain't too bad,

but chipmunks, now them, they... Knock it off!

Get back on your post! Yes, sir.

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Not you again, Pyle.

But I really seen somethin' this time, Sergeant.

With two legs, too. Where?

Over there against the warehouse, movin' around.

Hey, now there's two of them.

Do you know what that is, Pyle? Do you?

It's your shadow!

My shadow? It's your shadow!

Now, get back on your post!

Golly, it's funny how that fooled me.

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

Pyle, what are you doing?

Makin' a giraffe. Don't that look just like a giraffe?

I've already seen a jackass,

and if I hear one more word out of you tonight

you'll be a dead duck! Now get back on your post!

Yes, sir.

Just turn around real slow-like.

Oh, good work, sentry. I didn't even hear you coming.

You better put up your hands, too.

I'm Johnson. Criminal Investigation Department.

My identification's in my pocket.

Yes, sir. That very well may be the case.

Aren't you gonna let me show it to you?

No, sir. Why not?

Orders from my Sergeant. Sergeant Carter.

He told me if anybody told me anything, not to believe 'em.

So I'll just hold you here till he comes.

That's good practice. Very good.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Aren't you gonna call him?

No, sir, I got orders from my Sergeant not to.

What kind of an order is that?

Oh, he's right.

See, I called him out for a rabbit, and a cat, and a shadow.

After that, he just didn't want to hear from me.

What are we supposed to do, stand here all night?

Well, he didn't give me no orders about that.

So I guess that's what we'll do.

Look, Private... Private Gomer Pyle, sir.

Look, Pyle,

even if you won't look at my identification,

what do you think I am?

Oh, I got strict orders not to think.

'Cause if you was a member of that warehouse gang,

why, you could outthink me real easy.

So the smart thing for me to do is just to make my mind a blank.

You don't have any trouble there.

No, sir, that comes real easy.

Private, how would it be if I called the sergeant of the guard?

Now, that's a real good idea.

Why didn't I think of that?

Your mind's a blank.

Sergeant of...

I feel like a fool.

Sergeant of the guard, post...

What post is this? Post number 5.

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard, post number 5!

Sergeant of the guard...

Be sure and tell him it was you that called when he gets here.

He'd get mighty irritated if he knew it was me.

I'll tell him, all right.

Sergeant of the guard!

He may not come.

Maybe you should have said post number 4.

Why?

On account of he said he wasn't comin' back to post number 5 anymore.

Pyle, did I tell you to... Who's that?

He says he's a CID man, Sergeant.

I've got my identification in my pocket, Sergeant.

Well, didn't you check it?

No, sir. You told me not to believe anything anybody told me.

Sorry, sir.

Can I take my hands down now?

After 10 minutes, the circulation cuts off.

Uh, of course, sir.

Why didn't you call me sooner?

Well, you said not to.

Well, never mind what I said. Use your head!

That's just what you warned me against, Sergeant.

He didn't call you at all, Carter, I had to.

Why didn't you call me? What kind of a knucklehead thing is that?

Did you give orders to this man not to call you, Carter?

Oh, well, in a way I did, sir.

What kind of a knucklehead order is that?

Well, it's a kind of

a knucklehead kind of order, sir.

You are right. It will be reported as such.

Yes, sir.

Halt! Who is there?

Sentry, Captain.

Halt! Who is there?

Captain Danville, Private. Here's my warehouse requisition.

"To all personnel.

"Expedite."

Rush shipment.

Well, I don't know much about requisitions,

but this sure looks like a good one.

Good. I'd appreciate it very much if you help my men load.

Be glad to, sir.

So far, so good, Jo-Jo.

Don't call me Jo-Jo. I'm a captain now.

Congratulations, Captain.

Now get in there and help them load. Maybe you'll make PFC.

I could use the money. Hey, remember,

if the CID show up, no shooting.

First sign of trouble, I whistle, we cut out.

You think that's in the finest tradition of the Marine Corps?

Get in there and help that stupid sentry load, will you?

Aye, aye, Captain.

Pyle?

Pyle?

Hey, Sergeant!

Pyle, what is this? Why aren't you walking your post?

Well, it said "All personnel to expedite,"

and I'm personnel.

What are you talking about?

I didn't hear nothing about a loading requisition! Who was this, anyway?

Well, there's this captain with this requisition

that says to expedite, so I'm expeditin',

and it said to rush, so I'm rushin'.

What are you talking about? Who was this captain?

Pyle, what is this? What do you mean you're expediting?

Just that, Sergeant.

This captain come along and told me to expedite.

Captain? What captain?

Did it occur to you to ask questions?

Well, yeah, there was one question I was gonna ask him,

so I'll ask you. Huh?

What does "expedite" mean?

It means doing what you're doing right now

instead of walking guard duty.

Pyle, why didn't you call me?

Well, you're gonna think this is silly.

I'm sure of it.

Well, I just didn't want to be a burden to you anymore.

What? Well,

every time the least little old bitty thing happened,

I was yellin', "Sergeant of the guard! Sergeant of the guard!"

And you was probably thinkin',

"Lord, that boy can't even stand on his own two feet."

And you do want me to stand on my own two feet...

Pyle!

Forget the rest of this stuff. The CID jeep is due by here any minute.

Makes the rounds every hour.

Let's close the truck gates and get out of here. Right.

Where is this captain? I wanna talk to him!

Well, he was...

Let's go.

We're movin'!

Halt!

Halt!

Those were shots!

Sure sounded like it.

Pyle, do you realize what's happening?

We accidentally got ourselves locked in the back of this truck

while they spotted that gang of crooks somewheres else!

They're shootin' at us!

That's all right, Sergeant, we're shootin' back.

Pyle, you knucklehead, those people up in front are crooks!

I thought they was Marines!

They're not Marines. That's the gang we've been after!

I knew it, I knew it! I knew you'd get yourself taken!

I'm sorry, Sergeant, but they had on Marine uniforms,

and they had this requisition, it said to "Expedite."

They tricked me.

All right. They don't seem to know we're back here.

Do you think we ought to let 'em know?

We don't want 'em to know.

Now look, here's what we'll do.

They got to be getting back to their hide-out any minute,

and when they do... Where's your rifle?

Golly, I left it leanin' up against the wall.

That's a great place for it.

Well, I'm sorry, Sergeant, but I couldn't carry my rifle

and expedite all at the same time.

All right, listen up.

Now the odds are against us, so follow orders exactly.

I'm listenin' as hard as I can.

Now we got to figure out a way to get them in the back of this truck.

Get 'em back here? That's right.

The only thing that'll work is a trap.

There are three of them and two of us,

and all we got is a pistol and no rifle.

As soon as we get 'em trapped back here,

then we'll drive 'em back to the base.

Well, how are we gonna do that?

Well, as soon as we stop, I'll get on the left side of the door and you...

Hold on!

Sergeant?

Sergeant?

Sergeant Carter, I think we're here.

Okay, let's get this thing unloaded.

Hey!

Bet you all didn't know I was in here.

Come on, come on! Get down out of there!

Didn't you see him in that truck before you slammed the doors?

Who had time to look?

What are we gonna do with him?

Guess you wouldn't want to drive me back to the base.

I could catch a bus.

I'm about out of suggestions.

Well, don't you worry. We'll think of something.

You guys get in there and unload. I'll keep an eye on him.

Oh, I... I'll unload it for you.

After all, I loaded it up.

All right, go ahead, unload.

Glad to help out.

Sergeant?

Sergeant?

Sergeant?

It sure would be helpful if you'd wake up.

Sergeant,

would you mind greatly if I took your gun?

Hey! Who are you talkin' to in there?

I was talkin' to my sergeant, and he's hurt.

Are you kidding us?

No, you all better come in here and help me carry him out. He's hurt bad.

Go ahead take a look. I'll keep an eye on him.

All right, watch out.

If this is some sort of a gag...

Hey, there is somebody in here, and it's a sergeant.

What? Yeah, and he's out cold.

I'd appreciate it if you'd get in there.

You see, this is a trap.

Hey, what are you guys doing here?

Private Pyle reportin', sir. Where have you been, Pyle?

What happened? Where's Sergeant Carter?

He's in the truck with the warehouse gang.

He captured them? Yes, sir, it was a trap.

Wait till you hear. Great work. Open up the truck.

Cover them, men.

All right, come on down there with your hands up high!

Where's Sergeant Carter? Sergeant!

Sergeant Carter?

Good work, Sergeant! I said good work.

I don't know how you managed it, but you did a great job!

Turned out just like you planned, Sergeant Carter.

It was Sergeant Carter's idea

to trap the crooks in the back of the truck.

And it turned out just that way.

I think we ought to hear it for the Sergeant.

That's not all, there will be that commendation I mentioned.

Yes, sir. Good going, Sergeant.

And you got a good man here with you.

All right, get 'em inside!

Yes, sir. I... I got a good man here.

Now, for you men relatively new in the Corps,

there's a lesson in what happened last night.

Sergeant Carter here has had 14 years as a Marine.

Fourteen years of training, conditioning.

He probably could have fought those men for their weapons,

and engaged in a bloody gun battle

but he elected to pursue a sensible approach

and bring in the thieves without firing a shot.

His trapping of the gang in the back of that truck

was a masterpiece of strategy.

Sergeant? Y-Yes, sir?

Once again, well done.

Now dismiss your men.

Aye, aye, sir.

Detail, ten-hut!

Dismissed!

Pyle.

Yes, Sergeant?

Come here.

Did you wanna tell me somethin'?

No. I want you to tell me something. Huh?

Tell me what happened. Start at the beginning, don't leave anything out.

Well, from the beginning,

there was this feller that come along

dressed as a Marine Captain with this requisition...