Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

So, I'd certainly appreciate it, Sergeant,

if you'd have one of your men run into town and do this little errand.

Yes, sir, I'd do it for you personally, sir,

but I'm duty sergeant today, and I can't get off the base.

But I'll have one of my men take care of it. Fine.

Whenever Congressman Holiday pays us a visit,

I always have a box of his favorite cigars on hand.

It's the only brand he smokes.

And since it's a good idea to keep congressmen happy,

I thought we'd pick him up a box. Yes, sir.

That's the place,

C.J. Ware Tobacco Company, 180 Grant Street.

It's the only place you can get 'em.

I'll have them on your desk in no time, sir.

No rush, as long as they're here by about noon tomorrow

when the Congressman gets here. Yes, sir.

Duke, now I'm gonna miss my bus.

Please, Larry? I just gotta see my girl. I just gotta.

What do you say?

Duke, you know if I had the money to spare, I'd lend it to you,

but I only got enough to see that movie, and I gotta see the movie.

Do you mind?

Movie? What are you talkin' about, a movie?

Look, I'll take anything you got.

I need $10, but I wanna see my girl. Please.

Well, I wanna see my girl, too,

Sophia Loren.

Thanks.

Oh, Gomer. Gomer, buddy,

am I glad to see you.

Listen, pal, can you do me a favor?

Well, sure, Duke. What good is a friend for if he can't help you?

I need some money. Sorry, I can't help you.

Please, Gomer.

I got a real important date tonight,

that airline stewardess, Patty Gillette. I told you all about her.

Oh, yeah, the one that's always flyin'

back and forth to San Francisco. Yeah, that's the one.

Well, I didn't tell you everything about her.

See, she's just not any ordinary girl.

She's... Well, I think I'm in love with her.

Golly, Duke.

That's wonderful. And best wishes to you.

Yeah, well, this is the first Saturday she's had off in weeks,

and, well, that's why I need the money. I just have to see her.

Oh, well, when I said a while ago that I couldn't help you,

I just meant I ain't got a whole lot of money,

but you're welcome to everything I got.

Oh, great, Gomer. You're a peach.

I'll never forget you for this.

And if Patty and I ever get married,

I promise, you're gonna be the best man.

Shazam!

That sure would be a wonderful honor.

Yeah.

10, 20, 30, 31, 32, 33.

There you are, Duke. Take it.

Gomer, that's all you got?

Well, sure, but don't worry. I don't need it.

Gomer, that's not even enough for bus fare one way.

I promised her candlelight dinner

and dancing to violin music.

I need at least $10.

Well, why don't you hitchhike into town?

And if you love her and she loves you,

then you should be happy just bein' together.

You could take her for a walk in the park,

and 33 cents will buy you somethin',

like two snow cones and some jujubes...

Yeah, thanks, thanks a lot, Gomer.

I guess I better call her and tell her the date's off.

Hey, Sergeant.

Don't tell me everybody's gone on pass already.

Well, not everybody, I'm still here.

No, I couldn't be that unlucky.

What's the matter, Sergeant?

Nothing.

Just listen and pay close attention.

Now, in this envelope, there's some money and a piece of paper

with the name of a kind of cigar on it.

I want you to take it to the C.J. Ware Tobacco Company at 180 Grant Street.

Oh, I know where that is. Good.

Now, don't open it. Just give it to the man there,

and he'll give you a box of cigars to bring back to me. Easy?

Easy as pie. Okay,

now what are you gonna do?

Well, I'm supposed to go to pick up a box of cigars at the...

"C.J. Ware Tobacco Company at 180 Grant Street."

And I ain't to open up the envelope, but just give it to the man,

and he'll give me a box of cigars,

and I bring 'em back here to you.

Fine, now, that's all there is to it,

and Colonel Gray will really appreciate it.

You mean I'm doin' this for Colonel Gray?

Right. And he has to have those cigars

in time to give to a congressman

when he gets here tomorrow. Is that clear?

Clear as a shiny, new dime at the bottom of a well.

Just make sure you do it right.

Oh, I will, it sure sounds important.

It is, and to save time, take the company jeep.

Shazam!

It's sure fun to drive the jeep into town.

Everybody waves at you. You're not going to have fun!

You're going to bring back a box of cigars! Now, move it!

Yes, sir, Sergeant.

And I'll be right back in a jiffy.

Good gracious, I get to take the company jeep.

I get to double-clutch and everything.

How'd she take it?

She cried.

I still think you should have hitchhiked into town just to see her.

Doesn't matter now, Gomer,

she was just getting ready to call me to break the date. That's why she was cryin'.

Really? How come?

One of the other hostesses got sick,

and they called Patty to fill in for her.

Oh, ain't that a shame.

She was cryin' so hard I could hardly tell what she was saying.

Oh, bless her heart.

But you know what they say, Duke,

"The course of true love never does run smooth."

So you don't feel bad.

I'm just mad at myself.

Here I was worrying about dining and dancing and...

You were right, Gomer. I should have gone into town just to be with her.

I'd give anything just to see her now.

Well, there's nothin' much I can do about it now, I guess.

Why are you changin'? Are you goin' in? Uh-huh.

While you was out makin' a phone call, Sergeant Carter come by here.

I got to go into town on an errand for Colonel Gray

to get him a box of cigars.

That should make an exciting Saturday.

It ain't too bad.

At least I don't have to ride the bus into town.

Sergeant told me I could use the company jeep.

Well, have fun.

The jeep?

You've got the jeep, Gomer? You've really got the jeep?

Uh-huh. What a break.

You can drive me to the airport,

and I can spend a little time with Patty before she leaves!

I can't do that, Duke.

I got to go pick up the cigars and come right back.

We'll come right back.

I'll go on your errand with you, we'll come back together.

Come on, Gomer, you have to. You just have to.

But Sergeant Carter didn't tell me I could take anybody with me.

Yeah, but he didn't say you couldn't.

Well, I guess you're right about that.

We'll spend a few minutes with Patty,

we'll pick up the cigars, and we'll come right back. I promise.

Golly, Duke. Please, Gomer. Just a few minutes. Please.

But the airport's a good 15 minutes from town.

That means it's 15 minutes goin', and 15 minutes comin' back,

plus the time you spend with Patty.

That makes my trip about 40 minutes longer.

Gomer, a little while ago,

you said, "What good is a friend if he can't help you?"

Well, now is your chance to prove it.

A friend needs your help now, desperately.

A friend who has one last chance to see the woman he loves,

a friend who turns to you as one last beacon of hope,

and only you are in a position to help him.

Gomer... I am that friend.

The decision is yours.

Okay, Duke, I'll take you.

Gomer, great. Thanks, buddy. Thanks.

You better save them hugs for Patty.

She should be around here somewhere.

She said she had a noontime flight.

There she is, Gomer. There, there.

Beautiful, is she beautiful?

Patty! Patty!

Duke! Duke!

Honey. Oh, honey.

Oh, honey, it's wonderful to see you.

Oh, Duke. I'm so glad you came.

Hey, we better watch it.

I'm on duty.

So, make like I'm a passenger and welcome me.

No, please. Honey, I missed you.

Oh, I missed you, too.

Oh, this is my good buddy Gomer Pyle.

He drove me down here to see you.

Gomer, this is my girlfriend, Patty Gillette.

Hi, Gomer. Hey, Miss Patty.

You're just as pretty as Duke said you was.

Thank you.

It does my heart good to see you two together.

It's like watchin' a happy endin'.

Ending? We're just beginning.

Don't forget, Duke, we got that errand to run.

I think we really ought to go. In a minute, Gomer.

Honey, when are we ever gonna have any time together?

Oh, I thought we'd have time tonight. I'm sorry about our date.

Me too, but this is better than nothin'.

I think we'd better go, Duke.

We've been gone an hour already,

and we still got that errand to do.

Gomer, I just got here.

But Sergeant Carter is waitin',

and we've got to pick up them cigars.

Okay, just one last kiss, and then I'll go.

Oh, uh, uh, I'll be right with you.

Oh, Duke, I'm sorry. I really have to go.

Gomer, it's been very nice meeting you. Goodbye.

Goodbye, honey. Oh, goodbye.

Duke, Duke!

Hey, it's Sergeant Carter and the General.

Holy smokes. What's he doin' here?

He's duty sergeant this weekend

and he probably had to bring that there general out here.

What'll we do if he finds us?

I don't know.

In here.

Here.

I'll take the case to your seat, sir.

Is he still out there? I don't know.

Well, take a peek and see.

Okay.

Golly, Duke, this is some kettle of fish you've gotten me into.

Take it easy, Gomer, he'll be goin' in a minute.

I should have been back with the cigars by now.

We'll get 'em. Relax.

I knew I shouldn't have done it.

I should have gone straight to that store

and picked up the cigars and gone right back to the base.

Look, Gomer, we'll be back in less than an hour.

I promise you. Would I let you down?

Well, would I?

Look, I appreciate what you did for me,

and I promise we'll be back in plenty of time.

Golly, this is some kettle of fish you've gotten me into, Duke.

Duke, I think we're movin'.

Gomer, look, I've been in jets before,

and when they take off, man, they go straight up.

Believe me, if we were takin' off, you'd know it.

Duke, Duke! We're up! We're up, Duke! We're up!

Hold it, Gomer. Take it easy.

What am I gonna do about the cigars?

Look, don't panic. Don't worry.

Look, it only takes a half-hour to get to San Francisco.

We'll catch another plane right back,

and we'll have those cigars in Sergeant Carter's hands

in less than two hours. I promise you.

Good afternoon. This is your pilot, Captain Coloruso.

We'll be flying at an altitude of 37,000 feet

at a speed of 630 miles an hour.

Weather conditions are excellent, visibility is normal,

and we should be arriving on time in Rome.

Rome!

Rome, Italy?

I checked the "Y", the U.S.O., the libraries,

the bowling alley, the PX. No one's seen him all day.

Ten hours, it's been 10 hours!

Maybe the jeep broke down, and he had to walk to town and back.

In 10 hours, he could crawl to town and back!

Come in!

Sergeant Carter, I did everything you said.

I went to every movie house in town, I couldn't find him.

What about the cigar store? I went there, too.

The man said there were a lot of Marines there today,

but he doesn't remember seeing Pyle.

If he saw Pyle, he'd remember him.

Where could he be, the knucklehead?

Where could he be?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have just landed at the Rome airport.

Please remain in your seats

until the aircraft comes to a complete stop.

On behalf of the entire crew, may I say

we have been most happy to have you aboard.

We're really here.

We're really in Rome, Italy! Well, it's all your...

It's all your fault

sneaking on this plane behind my back.

Well, honey, we had to do somethin'.

Well, what do we do now? What do we do now?

I don't know what we're gonna do!

The first thing we've got to do is relax.

Relax? You're talkin' to two condemned men. You ask us to relax?

They're gonna court-martial us.

That's what they're gonna do.

They're gonna court-martial us. I know.

I knew I shouldn't have disobeyed orders.

I should have gone straight to that cigar store

and gone straight back to the base.

I knew it. I just knew it.

We're in Rome. Rome!

We ain't just out of town! We're in Rome, Italy!

Duke, we're only going to be in Rome long enough for servicing and refueling.

Then it's just two short jumps to Paris and London.

I can get you back home on the very first plane.

You won't have been gone for more than 24 hours.

Twenty-four hours?

Oh, Lord, Lord, Lord!

Rome, Paris, and London.

They're gonna court-martial us. That's what...

Gomer, we're gonna be in the brig for 15 years! We'll never have...

Boys, boys,

we're going to go into the airport,

and I'm going to arrange for you to make a phone call.

Uh, oh, uh, e-e-excuse me.

A phone call?

From Rome, Italy?

Why, that's long distance.

Yes, I'll hold!

They've got the switchboard at the base.

Thank you!

Here, it's ringing.

Now, act like nothing's wrong.

Act real casual and real relaxed.

And don't let him suspect for a minute that you're in Rome, Italy. Easy.

Hello! Hello? Sergeant Carter?

You sound nervous. You sound too nervous. Calm down.

Hey, Sergeant.

I'll bet you'll never guess who this is.

Well, let me try.

From your voice, I'd say you were a member of my platoon,

a Private Gomer Pyle.

But that can't be.

He met with a tragic accident.

But it is me, Sergeant.

I didn't meet with no tragic accident.

Oh, no? Just wait till I get my hands on you!

Where have you been all day, Pyle?

Well, it's kind of hard to explain.

Don't tell him, don't tell him where you are.

Pyle, what's all that racket?

Oh, I get it!

You stopped off for a pizza, huh?

Telefono!

No, Sergeant,

but I did stop off at an Italian place.

But just to get some gas.

Oh, no, Sergeant.

I didn't forget the cigars for one minute.

Well, you hear this, Pyle, and hear it good!

As soon as you get gas, I want you to take off!

You hear me? Take off!

All right, all right. I'm comin', I'm comin'.

Hello.

Huh?

Pyle.

Pyle!

Hey, Sergeant.

You recognized my voice right off.

Listen, you blockhead! It's the middle of the night!

What?

Oh, I didn't know it was that late.

You was asleep?

Well, I don't blame you for bein' angry,

not for one minute. No, sir.

Where are you? I sent you in this morning! I haven't seen...

What?

I didn't quite get that.

Where am I?

Uh, well, it's kind of hard to pinpoint.

He wants to know where I am. Tell him your in...

Oh, pardon.

Uh, thank you, ma'am, and same to you.

So that's it, huh, Pyle?

First the pizza, and now you're winding things up

at the C'est Si Bon Club.

Oh, that's silly, Sergeant.

How could I get you arrested for murder?

Oh.

He's gonna kill me.

All right, Sergeant. I'll get back there just as fast as I can.

Announcing the departure of flight 110

for Manchester... Duke! Here!

Oh, these were the very last two seats left.

Oh, Duke, I put them on my credit card.

Don't forget that. I won't.

Your plane leaves in a few minutes,

and you'll be home in 10 hours.

You're terrific, baby.

Announcing the departure of flight 707

to New York and Los Angeles.

Passengers will please proceed to embarkation point D.

Uh, well, I... I guess that's your plane.

Better hurry.

Oh, are you lucky.

It's the only flight out on Sunday.

Sunday? Did you say Sunday?

Well, yes, today is Sunday.

It's Sunday, Duke, it's Sunday.

That cigar store will be closed,

and I won't be able to buy those cigars for the Colonel.

Gomer, are you worried about cigars now? Let's get out of here.

But I got to. I promised.

Well, they sell cigars right over there, Gomer. Hurry.

Mr. Robert Saunders, kindly report to the...

Mister, my plane's about to take off,

and I need these cigars real desperate like.

Ah, you Americans, always in a hurry.

How'd you know I was an American?

"El Fina Corona."

I'm frightfully sorry, sir. We don't carry that brand.

Oh, that's terrible.

But if I can make a suggestion, sir,

this is a fine corona.

It's a lovely shape

and an ever-so-mild smoke, you know.

Well, uh, hey, Duke. Duke, come here.

He ain't got the kind that I wanted.

These are the very best we handle.

Gomer, are you gonna be choosy now? Grab any box. Let's go.

Well, I guess I'd better take somethin' back.

Is this enough?

Well, that will do nicely.

Yes.

Here are your cigars.

And, uh, here's your change.

Thank you. I've got to run.

It sure was nice meetin' you.

Do you realize how long he's been gone?

Twenty-three and one-half hours.

Twenty-three and one-half hours.

I'll kill him! No, I'll court-martial him!

No, first, I'll court-martial him and then I'll kill him!

Would you mind?

Hello? Colonel Gray, sir?

Yes, sir.

You want to speak to Sergeant Carter.

Well, Sergeant Carter isn't here right now, sir.

Well, no, sir.

No, sir. Uh, no. I... I don't know where he is.

Well, yes, sir, yes, sir, I'll tell him as soon as he comes in.

Yes, sir.

Phew. He sounded pretty angry, Sarge.

Oh!

Hey, Sergeant.

Excuse me.

I brought your cigars.

Made quite a night of it, huh, Pyle?

Fall in over in front of that desk!

Now, you stand at attention!

You stay just like that, Pyle.

Don't move, not one inch!

I'm coming back to see you. I'm coming right back.

We always look forward to your visit here

with a great deal of pleasure, Congressman.

The feeling's mutual, Colonel.

You people really know how to make a man feel welcome.

Come in.

Sergeant Carter reporting as ordered, sir.

Uh, if this is what I think it is,

it's for you, Congressman.

You never forget, do you?

Is there, uh, anything wrong?

This isn't the kind I smoke.

This is a special English market selection.

Best cigar in the world.

I'll bet you pulled some strings to get these, Colonel.

I've never been able to find them any place in this country.

Well, sir, uh... Leave it to the Marines.

That's what I call a cigar.

Pyle...

Pyle.

Pyle!

Okay, so, you had yourself a fling.

So, you did the town from one end to the other. So what?

Am I the kind of guy to get upset

over a little thing like that, huh?

You even brought the wrong cigars.

So what?

I couldn't help it, Sergeant.

You see, I had to buy 'em at a different store.

Well, you just remember that store,

because the next time the Congressman comes here,

you're gonna have to go back there and get those same cigars.

Come in.

Hello, Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant.

Where are you goin'?

Three-day pass, Pyle, compliments of Colonel Gray.

Golly.

Yep, I might even go all the way to San Francisco.

Really?

Well, I sure am glad I caught you before you left.

Pyle, what did you do now?

Nothin'. I just wanted to give you the change from that box of cigars.

Thanks, Pyle.

Well, have a good time.

Three shillings?