Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

All right, don't stop, don't pause,

don't wait for an opening. Make one.

Come on, lunge, lunge. Go for the midsection. Go for the head.

Head, hard. Give it everything you got.

That's it. Now, move in for the kill. Slash! Slash!

You got a bayonet in your hands! That's it!

I'm sorry, Duke. I had to do it.

You was off balance is why.

Did I hurt your thumb, Duke?

I'll get you a bandage for it later.

What do you think you're doing?

"Did I hurt your thumb, Duke?"

What are you, nurse Pyle or Private Gomer Pyle, USMC?

Hey, Sergeant. You see, I was...

You don't have to tell me what I see, Pyle. I know what I see.

You were playing patty-cake when you should be at his throat.

He's the enemy.

Duke?

You see, Sergeant, that's just the trouble.

I can't hardly think of Duke as nothing but my friend.

And suppose, instead of thinking of Duke, you're seeing me?

Well, I think of you as my friend, too.

Come on, Pyle. Kill me.

I just couldn't hardly do that, Sergeant.

Simulate, simulate. It's for your own good, Pyle.

It's your life or the other fella's.

It depends on who the other feller is, Sergeant.

He's the enemy, get it? The enemy.

This ain't sportsmanship. You don't ask questions.

You got two weapons in your hand.

A blade for slashing and stabbing,

a club for pounding and smashing.

Now, come at me, Pyle, with a slash. Come on.

And when you do, let's hear it.

With each stroke, give a holler. Now, come on.

Ha!

Ha?

You couldn't scare a bunny rabbit with that.

What's the matter with you knuckleheads?

You learned all this in boot camp.

Now, all of you, listen up.

In one week from today, we come up against another platoon.

It's gonna be an exercise in bayonet warfare.

Each one of you will be graded and scored.

I expect every man in this outfit to beat his opponent.

I expect this platoon to win that little contest.

Now,

you are not going to disappoint your Sergeant, are you?

No, Sergeant.

Every day until that exercise, I want you to work,

I want you to practice, I want you to think bayonet.

Is that clear?

Aye, aye, Sergeant.

And I want you to work on that yell.

Now, let me hear it.

Ha!

I can't hear you.

Ha!

Work on that. Dismissed.

Hey, Sergeant.

What do you want?

I'm gonna really practice my bayoneting. I really am.

Wonderful.

So, when I come up against a for-real opponent, I'll do real good.

It's just that whenever I'm fighting with a buddy,

I can't seem to think of him as an enemy. Ain't that funny?

Very funny. Ha, ha.

Oh, I don't mean funny funny.

I mean funny peculiar, not the kind of funny that you laugh at.

The kind of funny that makes you go, "Hmm."

You know? Yeah.

So don't you worry about me. I'm gonna practice my slashing and my jabbing.

I'm gonna be a fighting fool. You'll see.

Well, you're halfway there.

Halfway there?

Oh. You mean that the "fighting" part's not there yet,

but the "fool" part is.

That's what I call funny funny.

No. The answer's no, Duke. Now, just lay off.

Why? She's a good-looking girl and she's beautiful, just beautiful.

Swear on your honor. Come on.

Swear. Why should I?

She could have been in an accident since I saw her.

Yeah, face it, Duke. She's a dog. She's beautiful.

Swear. Come on, Larry.

Well, what do you need me for anyway?

She's my girl's best friend, and my girl won't go anywhere without her.

Negative, buddy. The answer's negative.

Now, just find yourself another patsy. You...

Hi, Gome. Got any plans for today, buddy?

I was just studying this booklet here,

"Things to do in town over the weekend,"

and there's so many interesting things.

Look, here, under "Family fun."

There's fly-casting off the city pier,

and there's a wax museum of famous Indians,

and there's a guided tour through Babylon Cemetery with an organ recital.

There's so many things, I just don't know what to do.

Well, listen, how'd you like to go along with me today?

What are you gonna do?

Well, I got a date with this girl, see?

And she's got a friend, and the friend is beautiful,

just beautiful.

Make him swear.

How about it, Gome?

Well, what are we gonna do, these two girls and us?

Well, I thought we'd go somewhere and have a couple of beers.

And?

And maybe later, go somewhere and do some dancing.

And?

And then afterwards maybe go down to the beach,

take a walk in the moonlight, huh?

And?

Forget it.

Share it, now. Share it.

Let's not have one greedy one, and the others get none.

That's all I got. Clean out now, see?

Shazam.

Man, that's a beaut.

As true as a plumb. That's a perfect ringer.

Well...

I didn't know they had horseshoe courts in this town, did you?

No. I guess this place is civilized after all.

Yeah. Hey, you care to pitch a few?

Why not?

Twenty-one points? Yes, sir.

Five points for a ringer, three for a leaner, and one, closest shoe.

You're the host, you make the rules.

Closest one to the stopper goes first, okay? Okay.

One for the money, two for the show,

three to make ready, and here I go.

Stand back, man. Here comes the champ of Ripshin Ridge.

I think I got you.

Did you say Ripshin Ridge?

That's what I said. Ripshin Ridge.

North Carolina?

Where I come from, we don't recognize no other Carolina.

And there's only one Ripshin Ridge. That's where I come from,

a Tarheel out of Ripshin Ridge.

Did you ever hear of Mayberry? Ever hear of it?

You mean, that little old bitty place on the other side of Pogy Mountain?

It ain't that little. I can spit the distance of Ripshin Ridge.

Why, when I was a young one, I used to do one hop, skip, and a jump through Mayberry.

Ripshin Ridge. Are you really from there? I am.

You ain't. I am, too.

Go on. Really.

What did you say your name was? I didn't say.

I guess that's the reason I don't know it.

Name's Branch.

Mine's Gomer. Hey, Gomer.

Hey, Branch.

Ain't it a small world, Branch?

It's all them small towns put together that makes it a big world.

That's a smart remark, Branch.

I thought so, too.

What platoon are you with?

First Platoon, Company B, Sergeant Novak.

You must be clean over to the other end of the base. Yeah.

Golly.

Ain't this a small Marine Corps?

It's all them small platoons put together that makes it a big Marine Corps.

That's another smart remark, Branch.

Right.

Just think, you and me running into each other.

Fate don't ask questions. She just happens.

That's another smart remark, Branch.

You're just full of 'em, ain't you?

I am.

I sure enjoy pitchin' horseshoes, don't you?

It's a clean sport, and it's a healthy sport.

And that's an unbeatable combination.

Well, that may not be a smart remark, but it's true.

Yeah.

I sure wish that exercise next week

was horseshoes instead of bayonets.

Huh?

That there exercise next week.

You know, that bayonet warfare? I wished it was horseshoes.

You having trouble with bayonet drill?

Some. Are you good at it?

Not bad. What's your problem?

Well, I know all the moves.

I just find it kind of hard practicing, you know, fighting with a buddy.

You've got to, though. Here,

I'll pretend I'm the enemy. You look into my eyes.

What do you see?

A fellow Tarheel.

No, Gomer, you got to pretend. Pretend, get a mean look on your face,

you know, like they showed you back at boot camp.

That's it. Good, good.

Now, make believe you got a bayonet in your hand,

and lunge at me. Come on.

That's good, but don't forget the yell that goes with it.

Come lunge at me again. Come on. Ha!

That's good. Now, play like we're fighting at each other. Ha!

All right, break it up, break it up.

If you guys wanna fight, do it back at the base, not in a public park.

Beat it.

Well, who's fighting?

We wasn't fighting, Officer.

We fight our country's battles. We don't fight our countrymen.

Now, that's the best remark you made all day, Branch.

Did you find it yet, Branch? Yeah, here it is.

There's the Pogy Mountain.

And look here. There's Big Britches.

I remember that place.

That's just a hoot and a holler from Mayberry.

Aunt Columbia Phillips used to live over there.

And I can still recollect her fried chicken

and bowls of mustard greens.

Scupperdine jelly with hot biscuits and churned butter.

Fried catfish and hush puppies.

Boiled possum and black-eyed peas.

Turnip greens and rutabagas.

Banana pudding. Banana pudding with vanilla wafers.

And wash the whole thing down with a ice-cold glass of buttermilk.

Oh, boy, that's the best, ain't it? Yeah. Ain't it something?

Hey, let's say it again.

No, it'd make me too hungry and homesick.

Golly, Branch, ain't this been some kind of a day,

you and me runnin' into each other and talkin' back-home talk?

There ain't one feller in the platoon

that I can pitch horseshoes with and talk Carolina talk.

Yeah, same in my platoon.

I got lots of buddies, but there ain't nothing like a back-home buddy, I guess.

Nothing at all.

I welcome all men,

but give me that face from my native land.

Did you just make that up? This minute.

Not only do you make smart remarks, Branch,

but you make 'em with feeling.

Well... Here's to you, new buddy.

New buddies, old buddies. Friendship is our aim.

I ain't even gonna compete with you.

Hey, Sergeant.

Come over here a minute.

Sergeant, say hey to Branch. He's a brand new buddy.

Would you believe it? We lived just a few miles apart back home,

but we never met. It took the Marine Corps to get us together.

Life is a series of meetings, Sergeant.

We never know the time or place. We're just there.

That's a real smart remark.

Branch is just full of real smart remarks, Sergeant.

Say another one. Do that one about old buddies and new buddies.

Oh.

Pyle, instead of sitting around here yakking,

you ought to be back in your quarters, practicing your bayonet drill.

Oh, don't worry about that, Sergeant.

Branch, here, gave me a few pointers just this afternoon.

I'll do fine. You'll see.

Yeah?

Well, I'll be watching you, Pyle.

He's a real nice feller, Sergeant Carter.

He don't grin much, though,

but that's on account of his mind's always on his work.

What's the matter, Branch?

What did your Sergeant just call you?

Huh?

What name he use for you just now?

Well, he calls me lots of names,

but in the company he calls me Pyle.

Pyle? Your last name Pyle?

That's my name, Gomer Pyle.

What are you getting so serious about?

You know what my name is?

It's Branch.

Right. Branch Eversole.

Eversole. The Eversoles of Ripshin Ridge.

What does that mean to you?

Gomer, the Pyles of Mayberry

and the Eversoles of Ripshin Ridge is feudin'.

Your family and my family have been feudin' for over 75 years.

Well... Pyle, you and me is blood enemies.

Are you sure? Are you sure it ain't just some little misunderstanding

that's been blowed up? Feudin'.

Are you sure it's our two families?

There's lots of Pyles down South. Why, it could be...

Feudin', feudin'.

What was your great-granddaddy's name, huh? Was it Cedric Pyle?

Yeah, Great-granddaddy Cedric.

But it could have been another one. There could have been lots of Cedric Pyles.

I don't think so, not in Mayberry.

Gosh, I sure am sorry to hear about this, Branch.

But for heck's sake, that ain't got nothing to do with us.

That was our great-granddaddies.

You and me is buddies. No, we ain't.

The feuds of the fathers and the grandfathers

should be visited upon the children.

That's the first remark you made all day that wasn't smart.

I don't aim to be smart, now, just loyal to my ancestors.

Do you mean that me and you can't be buddies no more?

We can't pitch horseshoes and talk food

and study our North Carolina map?

We can't do that no more?

What are we gonna do?

I know. I'll call up my daddy long-distance.

Yeah.

I'll call up my daddy, long-distance. He'll tell me what to do.

I'll say, "Daddy, I met a Pyle. What do I do?"

Yeah, that's a real good idea, Branch.

Maybe that feud was settled a long time ago.

That's a real good idea.

Don't touch me. Huh?

Don't touch me till my daddy tells me what to do.

How much more do you need?

You need some change, Branch? Quiet.

Another 30 cents? Hold on.

Here. Here's some change.

You put them in. They're Pyle coins. I can't touch 'em.

Got it all now? Good.

She's connecting me.

Golly, I sure hope... Shh. I'm connected. Hello?

Hello, who's this?

Sister? This here's your brother, Branch, Sister.

No, I'm not at the bus depot. I'm here at the Marine base.

No, ain't nothing the matter. Let me talk to Daddy.

What? Of course I'm all right. Let me talk to Daddy.

Ain't nothing wrong. Let me talk to Daddy.

I ain't in the hospital. Now, let me talk to Daddy, hear?

Baby sister worried about you?

She's 47.

Hello, that you, Daddy? This here's Branch.

No, I ain't in any trouble.

There's something I got to ask you, Daddy.

What did he say, Branch? What did he say?

He says I have to kill you.

Hey, Branch.

Hey, Gomer.

Have you been thinkin' about last night?

I've been thinkin'.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know, Gomer. I don't wanna kill you.

Hey, Branch, I got an idea.

Yeah?

We're both a long ways from home.

Why don't we put one of them obituaries in the newspaper and send it to your daddy,

and maybe that would satisfy him.

What are you talking about?

Well, we put it in the newspaper to read,

"Gomer Pyle, USMC,

"taken from us in the prime of his life.

"He will always be remembered on account of he loved

"little children and animals and old people

"and old automobiles."

Well, I don't know. Well, what's the matter with it?

Well, I don't know, Gomer.

Daddy might get to gloatin' over it and spreadin' it around.

Next thing, some kin of yours will wanna know what happened and where you is buried.

It could lead to a lot of fussing. Yeah.

Besides, I'd be tellin' an untruth to my daddy.

That's right.

You'd be lyin' about a killin' that you didn't do, and that's bad.

Yeah.

Boy, Gomer, I just wish you'd go ahead and kill me.

Huh?

Well, somebody's got to kill somebody in this dang feud.

Well, I don't want any part of it. I ain't killing nobody.

Well, do you want me to kill you?

Well, do you want me to kill you?

Well, don't you understand, Gomer? Daddy says I have to kill you.

No you don't. You don't have to kill nobody. Yes, I do.

No, you don't. Yes, I do. I have to kill you.

All right, all right.

I told you guys yesterday, you wanna fight, do it back on the base.

Now, beat it.

Kill. Kill. Kill.

You ain't gonna kill me! You ain't gonna kill me!

You ain't gonna kill nobody!

No, I ain't gonna let you kill me. Gomer. Gomer.

Gomer, what's the matter, buddy? You having a nightmare?

Huh? What did you have for dinner, lobster?

Mmm? I'm sorry, fellers. I must have been dreaming.

I'll take care of him. Relax, take it easy.

You were having a nightmare here, buddy.

You must have had something funny for dinner. Huh?

You'll be okay. You'll be okay.

And it took a couple of guys to hold him down

and get him back into his bunk again.

He was wild. I'm telling you, Sarge, he was wild.

It happened. It finally happened.

What finally happened?

I made a killer out of Gomer Pyle.

Huh?

I finally got through to him.

I've been pushing him to take his bayonet drill seriously.

"I can't fight a buddy. I can't fight a buddy." That was his excuse.

Now, something must have snapped.

Something must have happened, and he began to see it in its true light.

He began to think about it and think about it.

Then he began to dream about it,

and now he's raring to go, a killer.

In just a few seconds we'll have the final round in these bayonet attacks.

Now, I don't know what squad you'll be up against,

but don't think of them as Marines, think of them as the enemy.

Don't hesitate. You got to be fast. Move in for the kill.

Now, I'm depending on you.

Four, hup. To the left flank, hup!

Here come the victims.

Hup!

On your toes, men.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Squad, halt!

Ten-hut!

At ease.

This is a contest in attacking movements, and you will be scored.

A score is made when a solid blow is delivered

to the head, the neck, or the midsection. Is that clear?

Yes, sir!

The umpires will make the decisions,

and the losers will be tagged accordingly.

Sergeant, line up your squads, combat positions.

First four men, attack position!

First four men, attack position!

En garde.

Fall out.

Second four men, attack position!

Next four men, attack position!

En garde.

Hey, Branch. BRANCH: Huh?

Would your daddy be satisfied if you kill me? Huh?

See them tags down there marked "Killed"? Yeah.

Well, if you beat me, they'll tag me.

Yeah.

That way, you can call your daddy and tell him you killed me.

That way I wouldn't be killed killed as long as I'm killed.

What happened to you, Pyle?

Well... You looked like you had him.

Right, Sergeant, but I...

You had him, you had him! What happened?

You blew it, Pyle. You blew it.

What are you smiling about. You blew your match, and you're smiling. Why?

Why, huh? Why, why, why, huh?

Well, it's kind of hard to explain,

but for a killed man I sure do feel happy.

Hello, who's this?

Sister? Sister, how come you always answer the phone?

This here's your brother Branch, Sister.

No, I ain't at the bus depot. I'm here at the Marine base.

Let me talk to Daddy.

No, I ain't in jail. Let me talk to Daddy.

Everything's fine, fine. Now, let me talk to Daddy.

Hello, Daddy? This here's Branch.

I got some big news for you, Daddy.

Remember that Pyle I told you about? Remember?

Well, I killed him, run him through.

Well, we was having this bayonet exercise,

and I killed him.

Does that make you happy?

Well, what do you mean you don't believe me?

Well, I did, though. I killed him.

Well, I don't know how I can prove it.

Hello? Mr. Eversole?

This here's Gomer Pyle.

It's true, sir. Your son, he killed me.

He run me right through with a bayonet.