Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

Why not?

Hey, Sergeant.

I was just passin' by outside, and I looked in the window, and I said to myself,

"That looks like Sergeant Carter."

And you know what? What?

It was you.

Sit down, Pyle.

Do you really want me to?

Why not?

I was on my way back to the base.

I just seen a fine double feature.

Both of 'em was ice-skatin' pictures,

with that Vera Hruba Ralston.

You know, I wished I could see more of her pictures. She acts real good.

Vera... I was on my way to the bus,

and I looked in the window, and I said to myself...

You know something, Pyle? What, Sergeant?

That's the story of our lives.

Old movies,

a cup of coffee in a joint like this, and then back to the base.

Yeah.

And I sure do love it, too.

Wait till you've been in 14 years.

Wait till the glamour's worn off, and the shine on the brass buttons.

Wait till you see the fellas in the pinstripe suits getting all the girls.

Well, I don't know any girl that wouldn't be proud to go out with you, Sergeant.

Well, I do.

Tonight, I had a date with a beast.

A beast.

I hated myself for it.

And she stood me up.

Good thing I had come along, huh?

It ain't me, Pyle.

It's the uniform.

Women go for the big spenders,

the insurance salesmen, the druggists, the butchers.

Oh, you're wrong, Sergeant.

Why, I know girls... I'm right, and I've had it up to here.

Pyle...

I'm getting out.

Do you feel all right, Sergeant?

My enlistment's up in three days,

and I'm not signing on again.

That's it. Period.

No more Marines, through.

Well, you just plain can't do that, Sergeant.

Can't I? Pyle, I've had an offer.

The Anaheim Police Department, Motorcycle Officer.

Of course, it's just a three-wheeler at first,

but I can work my way up.

And nobody, Pyle,

nobody stands up a motorcycle officer.

I'm sorry, Sergeant,

but the men ain't gonna stand for that.

What men? The platoon?

That bunch of goof-offs.

You think they care?

Well, Sergeant, you've been with us ever since boot camp.

I don't know how we'd get along without you.

Oh, come on.

I'm just a loud voice that yells at you, that's all.

You come on back to the base with me, Sergeant, and I'll prove you're wrong.

Wait till the men hear. You'll see.

And they want me to stay? Knock it off.

Come on. Let me prove it to you. Come on back with me.

No, go on.

Come on, Sergeant, please.

Just let me show you how the news that you're gonna leave's gonna affect 'em.

Well... I'll prove it.

Do you remember what you said back when we was just recruits?

How you was gonna be our mama and our daddy?

Why, you're one of the family.

You can't leave us. The men would feel terrible.

Now, you wait right here, Sergeant, till I tell 'em.

And you're gonna hear how bad they gonna feel about it.

Look, Pyle, wait till morning. They're all asleep.

No, Sergeant, they'd never forgive me.

Now you just hold the door open, right here.

Hey, everybody.

Turn off the light!

Fellers. Fellers.

I wouldn't be doin' this if I didn't have something really important to tell you.

Some mighty sad news.

You know, Sergeant Carter's enlistment's up in three days.

And, well, he says he's gonna quit us and go back to civilian life.

All right, knock it off! Knock it off!

So, you're glad to be rid of me, huh?

Well, not half as glad as I am to stop playing nursemaid

to a bunch of runny-nosed civilians in Marine uniforms.

So laugh it up, you clowns.

But the last laugh goes to me.

Ex-Sergeant Carter. Ha!

"One of the family." You knucklehead.

Hey, Gomer.

Gomer, what's the idea? What was that, a gag?

I'm sorry, fellers.

I was in town, and I run into Sergeant Carter,

and he was feelin' so low, and he said how he wasn't gonna re-enlist again.

And I told him you all sure would be sorry to hear about that,

and he said he didn't believe me, and I said I'd prove it,

and he said I was wrong, and I said, "Come on."

And we did, and I was. Wrong, I mean.

And each time you go down there, I want to see you eat that dirt.

Let me know you've been there.

And when we finish this, I'll think of something else.

We could get a sergeant like that.

Well, Carter made you do pushups.

Yeah, well, what it is, is we're used to him.

I mean, you can get used to anything.

You know, floods, tornadoes, volcanoes.

You can live with 'em.

This particular eruption of ours, we're used to him.

Who knows what the next one's gonna be like?

Yeah, that's just it. That's what worries me.

That's an awful thing to live with, the fear of the unknown.

Sure is. Back home, we had this bottomless lake, you know,

and wouldn't nobody go in swimmin' in it,

on account of it was bottomless.

Well, one summer, we didn't have much rain, and it dried up.

It wasn't more than eight feet deep, we found out.

What does that prove?

Well, it just seemed to sort of fit in.

The way we got to look at this thing,

he's a monster, but at least he's our monster.

Who knows what we'd get next?

Yeah, we got to keep him.

We have to find a way to keep him.

I kept telling you fellers that.

So how do we change his mind?

I don't see how he can leave us, with us needing him like we do.

Maybe if we just kind of goof up a little, you know?

Yeah, like we still needed him around for everything.

Yeah, for drilling or whatever.

Hey, that's a good idea, Duke, real good.

Yeah, if we goof, he'll have to stay on

because he wouldn't wanna turn over a fouled-up platoon to some new sergeant.

Hey, that's real good, Duke. How do you think of things like that?

All right, secure that gear. Fall in to the rear of the barracks.

That's all of you. Let's move it.

All right, you got the picture? Operation Foul-Up. Let's try it and see.

Let's spread the word. Hey, you guys...

Right, left, right, left.

Right, left... Get in step! Get in...

Squad, halt!

Well...

All of a sudden, my brave little band can't even march.

Do you need a refresher in close-order drill?

Well, do you?

Yes, Sergeant.

I can't hear you!

Yes, Sergeant! Yeah.

Yes, Sergeant... Knock it off! You're at attention!

All right, you people need close-order drill?

I'll drill you till you're tongues hang out.

Forward, harch!

Right flank, haw!

To the right flank, haw!

Get in step! Get in step! Get in step!

To the rear, harch!

As you were!

Fall in here.

Well, well, well.

Sure looks like we need some more drillin', Sergeant. Sure looks like it.

I know I need some more. Couldn't you...

Knock it off!

Now, you'll hear this, you knuckleheads.

I'm gonna be with you two more days, just two days.

I wish I could get out today, but I can't.

And I'll tell you something else.

I would hate to be the sergeant

taking over this broken-down, miserable,

fouled-up, no-good excuse for a platoon!

Dismissed!

Okay, okay, Operation Foul-Up didn't work.

I still think it was a good idea, Duke.

Yeah, but it didn't work, Gomer. It backfired.

Now, what we got to do is use the lessons the Sergeant taught us:

analyze our opponent, probe for his weak point, and then attack.

How do you think of all them things to say, Duke?

You know what? You're a leader. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is the Sergeant's weak point?

He ain't got none.

Oh, yes, he does. Oh, yes, he does.

And you know what it is? Women.

And what's more apt to build up his morale and make him sign up again

than a real gorgeous chick right here on the base that's crazy about him?

Well, do you have anyone in mind? Yep,

that new gorgeous gal that's working in Administration.

Gee, I don't know. She looks pretty frosty.

She was real warm to me.

You asked her for a date, Gomer?

No, for some Manila envelopes for the morning reports.

We got to think of something else.

No, no, no, we don't have time.

Now, this chick is a Marine

with a few variations, but a Marine.

Now, would a Marine allow the Corps to lose a man like Sergeant Carter

when it's just a matter of going out with him for one night?

I don't know. Well, let's find out.

You want me to go out with that wolf?

Look, I happen to be going steady with a gunnery sergeant,

who wouldn't appreciate my dating Vince Carter at all.

So it's out. Is he here on the base?

He's on a convoy, but he'll be back tomorrow.

Perfect. No problem.

Except I won't do it.

Sally, when you were a little girl, didn't you ever want to be a nurse?

Well, I don't know. Why?

Well, now your chance has come. You're a nurse helping a sick man,

a man with a high fever get through his hour of crisis.

It's the re-enlistment fever.

Pull him through the night, and he'll be saved to the Marine Corps.

And, Sally, you'll have our undying gratitude.

Why, I never heard nothing so well said in all my put-togethers.

Well, I don't know.

Come on, Sally. We'll stick real close.

Well, if you stick so close we're never really alone.

Sure, we'll kind of watch from a distance.

And you're not committing yourself to anything. It's one date.

One date, but you stick real close,

because what other girls have told me about Sergeant Carter...

Lies, lies, all lies.

He's a fine man, Sergeant Carter.

He's got an honest, trustin' face.

I told you I had plans.

See, fellas, didn't I tell you,

Sergeant would have big plans, his last night as a Marine?

Guess we should have known, that's all.

There's something else you should've known.

I wouldn't go out with you donkeys

if I had nothing else to do, which I have.

Well, we weren't asking you to go out with us, Sergeant.

Well, it makes no difference, of course, since he has plans.

Gee, I kind of hate to go back and tell her the bad news.

Her? Who?

Who's her?

Well, you got plans. Come on, fellas.

Who? Who? Who are you talking about?

She's new here on the base, Sergeant, and she's real pretty, though. Real pretty.

She knows all about you.

She even said... She's shy, Sergeant, very shy.

Who, who, who? Who's she?

Well, since you're busy, I just don't think it's fair to her to say.

Come on, fellas, let's go over to Major Steele's office and tell her.

Major Steele's office?

Not that new girl who works for Major Steele?

Yeah. Ain't she pretty, Sergeant?

A bunch of wise guys, huh?

I couldn't even get that girl to say hello to me.

Well, there you are, Sarge. She's shy, very shy.

Oh, come off it.

Your masculinity frightened her.

Yeah, Sergeant, and you got a lot of that. Masculinity, I mean.

Well...

No, couldn't be.

Ah, look, why argue?

A sensational girl flips, and he's not interested. Come on, fellas.

Wait a minute, will you?

Look, if this is on the level,

I, uh, could change my plans.

Sergeant Carter, you are a kind man.

We'll go tell her, Sarge.

Yeah, as soon as I grab a shower and a shave, I'll be right there, huh?

Where do I meet her?

At the Enlisted Men's Club.

I'll be right there. Hey, but go easy with her, Sarge. She's very shy.

Sure.

I sure hope you'll go through with this, Sergeant.

She sure is countin' on...

Sally, I think you know Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant Carter, this is Corporal Sally Peters.

How do you do, Sergeant?

Hello.

Why don't you make it Vince?

You two should get along real good together, both of you being Marines.

I'll see you, guys.

Well, Sally, where would you like to go?

Well, The Green Light is a good place to eat and dance.

Why don't we go to The Green Light, okay, Sergeant?

Vince.

I don't know, I just don't feel the same way about a civilian

as I do about a Marine.

You know what I mean, huh, Vince?

Say that again.

The whole thing?

Just "Vince."

Well, so far, so good.

Hey, we don't have to just stand here.

Let's scout some of this action, Larry.

Gomer, keep your eye on the Sarge, okay?

Okay, buddy. Come on.

Because I think the Marine Corps is... is

the finest career for a man there is.

Don't you?

Excuse me, I'd like to go powder my nose.

Oh. Sure.

Hey, Sergeant.

Pyle, what are you doing here?

Oh, I just happened to stop in for a bite to eat. How's it goin'?

Fine. Fine.

She's a nice lady Marine, ain't she?

She likes you, huh?

What? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I-I'll see you, Pyle.

Right.

Look, uh... I got a great deal for you.

There's a triple feature playin' down the street.

No. CARTER: Yeah.

A Jon Hall-Maria Montez festival. How about it?

They take off their parts real good.

Why don't you catch it, huh?

I mean, you don't want to hang around here all the time, do you?

You could see me every day, right?

Up until tomorrow when you join the Anaheim Police.

Well, I'm not too sure about that.

Sally and I just met, but...

You mean you're gonna sign on again, Sergeant?

Why, that's just about the best news a feller ever heard.

Listen, Pyle,

I'm starting to get someplace with this shy little dish

and if I could just be alone with her for a minute...

You know what I mean, Gomer? Go now.

Okay, Sergeant.

Here she comes. I'm gonna dance with her. Just be gone when I get back.

Right.

Well... Hey, Sally. Hello.

Oh.

Hey, Sergeant.

Nice little party you got going on here.

Ain't it, though? It's real nice.

Real operator, your friend.

Oh, girls just go out of their mind over him.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah.

I, uh, I thought she was going steady.

She is, but he won't be back till tomorrow.

Hank. Sorry if I got back too soon.

Oh, th-this isn't what you think... Oh, well, that's good. What is it?

Well, I'll have to tell you later. Who is this joker, baby?

I got a message for you, lover-boy. Hank!

Oh, come on. I got a lot to say to you.

What was that all about?

That must be the feller she's going steady with, wouldn't you say?

Gomer.

She's going steady?

Well, she did mention it when we asked her to go out with you.

Gomer!

A bunch of jokers, huh?

You set this up to see me get clobbered, is that it?

Why, we never.

But it worked out good, with you decidin' to re-enlist again.

Me spend another three years with you jokers?

Are you kidding?

You mean you changed your mind again? You're gonna quit us?

As of 12:00 tomorrow, if you ever want to see me again,

come to Anaheim!

I'll give you a parking ticket!

Fellers, I really think he means it this time.

Well...

Not bad, huh?

Sharp. Real sharp.

Well, Cuccinelli, now it's just a matter of the clock.

In exactly four minutes, I will be out of the Marine Corps.

Your watch is slow. You're already out.

Yeah?

How's it feel?

Good.

Real good.

Sure.

I'm really out, huh?

Hey, here.

Why don't you take my dress blues, huh?

Uh, you keep them, Vince.

You know, if you should change your mind, you still got 24 hours to sign up again.

I'm not changing my mind. I've had it.

Sure.

Sure, Vince, sure.

But just in case.

Are you saying goodbye to your platoon?

Why should I?

Well, they'll expect it. Go on.

After what they did to me?

Vince, okay, you're getting out.

You're getting out, but do it with class.

You don't just walk away from your men.

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

It'll be a pleasure to say goodbye to those meatheads.

They're waiting for you.

Go ahead.

You just wait. He still may change his mind.

I know Sergeant Carter. He wouldn't quit us. No, sir.

Gomer, he walked. Face it, who needs him?

Hey, it's Sergeant Carter.

Hey, Sergeant.

What are you yelling about, Gomer? All I see is a civilian.

Well, boys, this is it.

I just came to say goodbye.

In spite of everything, I... In spite of what?

You wanted to quit, so you quit.

I have every right.

Sure, he's doing the patriotic thing, fellas.

By chalking tires at Anaheim, he's releasing an able-bodied woman

for duty with the Marine Corps.

All right, wise guys, you will treat me with respect!

I think you're over-parked.

That's a real nice jacket, Sergeant.

Now, look, if you think I...

"I can't hear you."

I said, if you think I...

All together, fellas.

"I can't hear you."

I sure am gonna miss him.

Why, he went all the way through boot camp infantry training with us.

Sure gonna miss him.

Well, don't you understand, Gomer?

We didn't quit him. He quit us.

All right, listen up.

Knock it off, civilian.

I said, listen up.

When your Platoon Sergeant enters the barracks,

you will give him your immediate and silent attention.

There's just one little mistake there, buddy. You are not a sergeant.

In 14 more years at Anaheim,

you might work your way back up to a corporal.

But as of now, you're just a man

with a fat neck and a red face and a funny jacket.

I like that jacket, Sergeant.

Pyle...

Can you read, Pyle?

I can read real good. Not fast, but good.

Well, read this.

Ten-hut!

He re-enlisted. The Sergeant, he re-enlisted.

Huh? On your feet!

All right.

You know what it's gonna be like around here?

Well, I will tell you.

Just picture everything that has gone before

as a little pink tea party with ladyfingers.

But from now on, you are going to shape up.

And the man with the fat neck

and the red face and the funny jacket

is gonna be on your back every minute of every day.

Before I'm through with you, you will...

What are you grinning about, Pyle?

It sure seems like old times, don't it, Sergeant?

Wipe that smile off your face.

Yes, sir.

All of you. Wipe them smiles off your faces!

Do you hear me? I said wipe them off!

This platoon is going to shape up!

I will have order here!

Hey, Sergeant.

Hello, Pyle.

I was passing by outside there, and I looked in the window

and I said to myself, "That looks like Sergeant Carter."

And you know what? It was me.

Yeah.

You headed back to the base?

Yeah, but I can sit with you for a minute. Oh.

This really is kind of a lonely life.

That's the reason I admire you so much for signin' on again.

That's the reason I wanted to say to you that...

Twenty minutes, baby?

That's the reason I wanted to say to you...

Did Sally introduce you?

Sally? What's she got to do with it?

Well, I knew how bad she felt about what happened,

and with her being spoken for and all, I just thought that she...

I can operate on my own, Pyle.

What's this girl got to do with Sally?

Nothing.

But Hank, that big sergeant that took that punch at you,

that's his little sister.