Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

What do I smell?

Huh?

Somethin' smells. What is it?

Is it shoe polish?

No, it's stronger.

Is it cleaning fluid?

Mmm-mmm.

Is it me?

It's you, Gomer.

It's just this little bag of camphor balls.

Camphor balls?

Uh-huh, it's supposed to be good for a cold,

and I'm comin' down.

Well, I don't know if it's good for a cold,

but it ought to be good for keepin' the moths off your chest.

Congratulations, men.

Do you see this?

Once again, I have not been named "Sergeant of the Week."

Sergeant Porter got it this week.

I think, uh, Sergeant Zelesky got it the week before that,

and the week before that, it was Sergeant Tully.

But have I been named "Sergeant of the Week"?

No.

And do you know why I never make it?

I'll tell you why.

In order to be named "Sergeant of the Week,"

I have to have the cooperation of my men.

And I have not been getting that cooperation.

Now, there are two ways I can get that.

I can ask you all to please, please cooperate.

That's one.

And two,

I can get on your backs and ride the tar out of you.

Now, let's see... Let's try that

second way first, shall we?

All right, everybody on the road!

We're gonna double-time it around the entire base!

Sergeant...

You heard me, Pyle! On the road!

Could I please be excused from that there run?

Be excused? Is that what you said?

Yes, sir, on account of I think I'm comin' down.

You're comin' down? From where?

He's got a cold, Sergeant.

Who asked you? Get out of here!

That's right, Sergeant. I got a cold.

I been sniffin' at these camphor balls,

but it don't seem to do no good.

And I feel kind of heady.

There's no two ways about it. I'm comin' down.

Well, I've got a wonderful remedy for you.

Just fill your mouth with water,

then sit on a stove,

and when the water boils, your cold will be gone.

All right, Pyle!

Get out on the road and start running!

Sergeant?

I really don't feel too good. If I could just...

I'm gonna sweat that cold out of you, Pyle!

In fact, I might let you do a few extra laps!

Fall in!

Left face!

Double time, hup!

You all like the little trot you just had?

Well, it's only the beginning, folks.

I'm gonna get through to you people that I mean business

till I am made "Sergeant of the Week."

I'm gonna stay on your backs

until I get the kind of cooperation I want!

Did you do your two extra laps?

I did, Sergeant.

And I really feel bad.

Can I go to sick bay?

Well, okay, Pyle. You can go to sick bay.

But you hear me good.

You better really have something.

You better really be sick.

Easy does it, now. There you go.

Your throat's red, quite irritated.

You've got yourself a good, old-fashioned cold.

I felt myself comin' down. I just knew it.

May I have some water, please?

Here. Take one of these pills.

Is that one of them "anti" pills?

Antihistamine.

That's it. You know about that, do you?

Yes, I know about that.

It'll make you drowsy for about 24 hours,

but you'll be all right tomorrow.

Thank you, sir.

Now, go back to your barracks.

Tell your sergeant I want you to get into your bunk

and take the rest of the day off. Yes, sir,

and may I say, sir, I think you doctor

almost as good as Doc Crenshaw back home.

Pyle. Yes, sir?

You can go now.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

I hope we meet again sometimes under happier circumstances.

Bye, ma'am.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm gettin' into my bunk, Sergeant.

Why?

Doctor's orders. I'm sick.

Oh, really? What have you got?

Well, it's kind of a washed-out feelin'.

A bad cold is what it is.

Pyle, do you think I was born yesterday?

I've seen this act a thousand times! Get out of that bunk!

I can't, Sergeant. I just can't.

The doctor told me to stay in my bunk till tomorrow.

He said to tell you.

Oh, really? Well, isn't that convenient?

You'll just happen to miss out

on this afternoon's drill and this evening's hike.

Well, I sure am sorry about that,

but you wouldn't want me to go against the doctor's orders, would you?

Oh, no.

And just to make sure you didn't misunderstand the doctor,

I'm gonna call him up myself and find out.

You know what I mean, Pyle?

Sick bay.

Who?

Gomer Pyle's platoon sergeant?

Yes, ma'am.

Can I speak to the doctor who examined Pyle?

Well, Lieutenant Ames had to step outside for a few minutes.

If you don't mind waiting, you can hold on.

Fine. He shouldn't be too long.

What do you think, Doc?

Not a chance, Billy. He's had it.

Well, maybe if I'd seen him earlier, who knows,

I might have been able to help him. Not now.

Well, I thought I'd get your advice

before I took him to the vet.

Believe me, at this stage, a vet is a waste of time.

Who takes care of the old boy here on the base?

One of the sergeants down at the stable.

He's devoted to this horse. He's gonna feel real bad.

I don't know how much I can tell the sergeant,

but put him out in the fields

and let him enjoy his last days.

Oh, yes, Lieutenant Ames is looking at the horse right now.

Well, if you'd like to hold on, he should be in very soon.

Fine, just hold the wire.

All right, let's have a look at that arm.

Oh, Lieutenant, you have two calls.

The one on the right wants to know about the horse.

And the one on the left

wants to know about a Private Gomer Pyle.

Thank you. Prepare him for x-ray.

Yes, sir.

Which call was which?

The one on the right is about the horse.

Hello, this is Lieutenant Ames speaking.

Hello, sir. This is Sergeant Carter.

I was wondering if you could give me any information

on your examination.

Well, Sergeant, I guess the best way to put it is bluntly.

He's on his way out.

Sir?

I'm sorry, Sergeant, but he's had it.

Really, sir?

Are you sure?

Well, it happens to all of us sooner or later.

Well, I know, but...

Somebody's been riding him too hard.

After all when you have somebody on your back every day,

sooner or later the wear and tear shows.

And there's nothing you can do?

I'm afraid not, Sergeant.

Maybe if I'd seen him sooner...

I don't know.

Hello, this is Lieutenant Ames speaking.

Hello?

Hello?

I guess he couldn't wait.

And he thinks he has a cold.

Pyle.

Pyle.

Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant.

How do you feel, boy?

Gee, Sergeant,

I feel just like I came back from the dead.

Don't say that.

You've just got to rest, boy, that's all.

You just have to get your rest.

But I got to get out of bed.

I got to help make you "Sergeant of the Week."

Who cares about "Sergeant of the Week"?

I know I got the best private,

no, the best man on the entire base,

in my platoon.

Who's that?

You, Pyle.

Golly.

Thanks, Sergeant.

I wish I had a lot of men like you, Pyle.

I know that I pick on you

more than I do the other fellas,

but that's to keep them on the ball.

You see that, don't you, boy? Huh?

Well, I'll be.

Now I know why you was always on my back.

Please, Pyle.

Don't worry, though, Sergeant.

If it helps the outfit,

you ride me all you want to.

Who's calling, please?

Sergeant Carter?

Well, just a minute. I'll see if the Lieutenant is in.

It's Sergeant Carter, sir.

Carter?

Oh, the animal lover.

I've heard of cases of man's devotion to dumb animals,

but this one outdoes Tarzan and Cheetah.

Lieutenant Ames speaking.

Sir, I know that you said nothing could be done for him,

but can't anything be done for him?

I mean, can't something be done for him?

Look, Sergeant, I told you this morning. He's just beyond treatment.

I know, I know, but,

well, what are we gonna do, just let him fade out?

All you can do is try and make him comfortable.

Yes, sir.

But if there were any suggestions you had on,

well, how we could make him more comfortable.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

I'll write it down.

You might give him an apple

or a piece of sugar.

"An apple... "or a piece of sugar."

Yes, sir. I've got it.

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't quite get that.

Yes, sir. I've got a brush.

Uh, brush him?

Right.

Did you say "flies," sir?

You did?

Keep the flies off of him?

Yes, sir.

Anything else, sir?

That's about it, Sergeant.

Just make sure he rests as much as possible.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

"An apple, a piece of sugar,

"brush him, keep the flies off of him."

Oh, no.

What'd you say, Sergeant?

Is somethin' the matter?

Golly, you look awful.

I think you ought to be in this bed, instead of me.

No, no. I'm all right.

I feel fine, Sergeant.

I want to get up and do some work.

No, no.

You got to follow doctor's orders, Pyle.

I suppose the doctor means well,

but did I ever tell you about my cousin Piedmont?

Well, he had a cold, and they put him to bed.

Well, he was layin' there one day,

and all of a sudden, he went just like that.

He went just like that?

Mmm-hmm. He always went like that when he had an idea.

And this time, his idea was to get up out of that bed and go to work.

And sure enough, he felt all better.

Look, Pyle, I'm here to keep you comfortable,

so as a favor to me,

will you please stay in bed?

Well, okay, Sergeant.

But just 'cause it's a personal favor to you, though.

I wouldn't do this for nobody else.

There won't be any next time! That's all there is to it.

All right, you guys! Knock off the noise!

Knock it off!

Can't you see we got a sick man here?

Here, Pyle. That'll be good for you.

Hey, Sergeant, thank you.

It's just what I wanted. You know what they say,

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

Yep.

That's what they say.

Mmm. It sure is juicy. Why don't you have some?

No, Pyle. You finish it.

That'll keep the flies from bothering you.

Yes, sir. That's real swell of you, sir.

Oh, uh, and another thing, Pyle.

You don't have to call me "sir" anymore.

I know. That was only in boot camp.

I can just call you Sergeant.

Well, I mean...

You can call me Vince.

Shazam.

After all we're in the same outfit and all.

Gosh, I don't know whether I can get used to callin' you

Vince.

Well, try, okay?

Okay,

Vince.

But you got to call me Gomer.

Okay, Gomer.

Boy, bein' sick can kind of be fun

when you've got a good buddy to take care of you.

Right, Vince?

Right, Pyle.

"Gomer."

Gomer.

Sit up a little, Gomer.

The doctor said this might make you more comfortable.

Well, uh...

You just take it easy, Gomer.

Maybe read a magazine or listen to the radio.

Just relax.

All right.

I guess you guys are wondering what's going on,

why I was doing all those things for Pyle,

so I'll give it to you straight.

He's a lot sicker than I thought he was.

An awful lot sicker.

What's wrong with him, Sarge?

The doctor didn't say.

All he said was...

There was no hope for him.

On the level?

According to the doctor,

he hasn't got very long to go.

It could be any day now.

There's nothin' we can do? Nothin'?

Nothing except keep him comfortable

and make his last days as happy as we can.

Sergeant?

Is he in any pain?

You know Pyle.

Would he say anything if he was?

He's probably in torture this very minute.

Don't go near him!

Everybody, outside!

Don't nobody go back in there!

You saw, he's got the convulsions!

Take a walk, go to the PX, but stay out of there!

I got to speak to Lieutenant Ames right away!

Well, what seems to be the matter?

Excuse, me, sir. Are you Lieutenant Ames?

Yes, Sergeant. Why, what seems to be the trouble?

I'm Sergeant Carter. Remember me? I spoke to you.

Yes. Why the panic? Anything wrong?

Well, sir, I know there's no hope, but I got to do something.

He's got the convulsions!

I didn't think it'd be this soon.

This soon?

Usually convulsions means the end is near at hand.

Oh, no!

I know how you feel, Sergeant.

You have my deepest sympathies.

What a terrible way to go.

Yes. I've seen it many times.

Sir, what if we brought him here to the hospital?

Couldn't we do that, sir?

Oh, come on, Sergeant!

Maybe I have something here that will help you.

I should have one or two left.

Here... Give him this pill.

It may relieve some of the pain.

Give him this?

Yes, just pop it in his mouth.

How can a man swallow a pill this size?

A man can't, but a horse can. Just give him that pill.

It may make his last days a little easier.

Well... Been quite a lucky horse at that.

A horse?

He's left a proud record.

Years of faithful service to the Corps.

A horse?

Guadalcanal, Saipan, Iwo Jima, Korea.

Animals like yours, Sergeant,

are true heroes in every respect.

A horse.

One of our noblest creatures.

A horse?

Yes, Sergeant. A horse.

Excuse me, sir.

Do you remember examining a Private Gomer Pyle the other day?

Gomer Pyle... Oh, yes, yes. He had a cold virus.

I told him to spend the day in his bunk. Why?

I mean, there wasn't anything serious?

A cold. Is that serious?

No, sir.

Thank you, sir.

A horse.

It's for a horse.

Hey, Vince, old buddy. Where's everybody been?

Hey, they're givin' the weather report.

There's a mass of cold air comin' down from Canada.

Night and early morning, low clouds.

It's a high today of 82.

And did you know that the market opened steady?

All right, Pyle.

Sergeant Carter?

Captain Brinson wants to see you.

Right now?

Right now.

All right, Pyle.

You stay right where you are.

Don't move an inch.

I'll be right back. I got somethin' I want to say to you.

Oh, you just take your time, good buddy. I'll wait for you.

Right over here, Sergeant.

Here. All right, now smile.

Congratulations, Sergeant Carter. "Sergeant of the Week."

Huh?

I'll read you the official citation.

"Sergeant Vincent Carter, Sergeant of the Week.

"Most highly recommended

"by Lieutenant C.F. Ames, Medical Officer,

"for his compassion,

"understanding, and deep regard for a dumb animal.

"Sergeant Carter sets an example

"worthy of the finest traditions of the Marine Corps.

"A leader whose exemplary behavior

"inspires both love and respect."

Congratulations.

Attaboy, Sergeant. Nice goin'.

Hey, Vince, old buddy.

What was it you wanted to say to me?

Nothing, uh... I just wanted to say, uh...

Hey, Gomer.

Well, hey, Vince.

Bless you.

Thank you.

Well, bless you again.

Vince, you know what I think, old buddy?

I think you got my cold.

Hey, Sergeant Carter?

Hey, Sergeant.

They told me you was feelin' poorly.

Are you comin' down?

It's just a little cold.

I was just takin' a little nap

and then back to work.

In fact, I was just about to get up.

Oh, don't do that. You've got to stay in bed.

No, it's all right. I'll be all right.

Now, you stay right where you are. You're sick.

Look, I've got some work...

And you know what else?

I'm here to make you comfortable.

See? I brought you an apple

and a piece of sugar.

I ain't gonna let them flies get at you.

Shoo, fly.

Look, Pyle... And you know what else?

I'm gonna take care of you

just like you done for me, good buddy.

Pyle!

Gomer. Call me Gomer.