Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

Up 318, on the road! Move it, on the double! Move it, move it!

Only rifles and belts, Gomer. No bunks.

Attention! Hands!

Ten-hut!

Good! You move very good.

For a bunch of old ladies!

After 10 weeks, after 10 long weeks,

don't you people know how to move on the double? Well, don't you?

Yes, sir! Then why don't you, huh? Why don't you?

Excuse me, sir, but I was...

Pyle, you are a pea-brain knucklehead.

On top of that, you're a late pea-brain knucklehead!

I was just gonna say I was... Don't talk!

I just said... Don't talk!

Yes, sir.

See, it was my belt. It got caught on to...

Bunk.

Don't move that mouth. I want no moving of that mouth!

No sound coming from within it or without

and/or no combination of same!

Or I will have you doing pushups

into the middle of next week!

Is that clear?

Yes, sir. That's very clear. That's as clear as anything... Ten-hut!

Inspection!

High!

I just love this part.

This piece is filthy! Do you hear me, boy?

Filthy, dirty! Dirty, dirty, dirty! Yes, sir!

There is no place in the Marines for dirty people!

Do you hear me? There is no place in the Marines

for dirty people with dirty rifles!

You are dirty people and I don't like you!

Do you hear me? ALL: Yes, sir!

Do you like me? Yes, sir!

Well, I don't like you!

Dirty, dirty, dirty! Another dirty person!

You have a dirty rifle, dirty person! You know that?

But, sir, I... Get it clean!

Yes, sir. Knock off that smile! Tighten up that face!

I wanna see them lips white! I wanna see 'em tight!

Get a mean look on your face, boy! Mean! Mean!

I don't like you, boy. Do you hear me? I don't like you!

Do you like me? Yes, sir.

And, sir? I ain't just saying that neither. I really do.

Huh?

I really, truly like you.

You do not.

You do not like me!

Let's you and me have a mutual admiration society!

I don't like you, you don't like me!

But, sir... Knock it off!

Now, you people listen up! You are one week away from graduation!

In one week, you are supposed to become basic Marines!

And I am here to tell you that I do not think you are ready!

And why?

Because you are slow and you are dirty! Dirty and slow!

Well, we have one week to fix all that!

Every day between now and graduation,

I'm gonna stay on you people until you are squared away!

Is that clear? ALL: Yes, sir!

And why? Because you are...

Dirty, sir! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Dirty, dirty, dirty, sir!

Remember that!

Especially you!

Yes, sir.

Sir... And I like you! I really do!

You people were supposed to know your General Orders

your first week in boot camp.

Well, now it's 10 weeks later,

and let's just see.

Slater, what's your 6th General Order?

Sir, my 6th General Order is,

"To receive, obey and pass on to the sentry who relieves me

"all orders from the commanding officer, field officer of the day,

"officer of the day, and officers and noncommissioned officers

"of the guard only!"

Lucky guess.

Peters, number eight! Sir, my 8th General Order is,

"To give the alarm in case of fire or disorder!" Hmm.

Pyle, number 11!

Sir, my 11th General Order is,

"To be especially watchful at night,

"and during the hours for challenging,

"to challenge all persons on or near my post

"and to let nobody pass without proper authority."

Wrong, wrong, wrong! All wrong!

Not "nobody." You said "nobody!" It's "no one." "No one!"

"And to allow no one to pass." You got that, Pyle?

"To allow no one to pass!"

And you call yourself ready for graduation.

Pyle, I don't like people who don't know their General Orders!

You hear?

Yes, sir. And I don't blame you, sir.

But I like you.

He means it. He likes me.

I still can't believe he really likes you.

He likes me.

Well, that's just too bad, Vince. Are you sure?

I'm sure. I'm sure.

I rip him apart, and he comes up smiling. The knucklehead likes me.

A boot should hate his DI. Isn't that right?

He should despise him. Isn't that right?

Oh, yeah, hate and despise. Hate and despise!

I'll never forget my DI. Ironface Torken.

He was the meanest human being that ever lived.

I hated him so much, I used to lie awake nights,

dreaming up ways to get even.

I was gonna find a dishonored surgeon.

You know, some doctor that had been disbarred for drinking.

We'd chloroform Ironface,

and the doctor would sew up his mouth.

Ironface Torken.

He was mean and rotten and cruel!

Nothing but a dictator and a beast!

He was the greatest DI that ever lived.

Maybe you're not on this boot enough, Carter.

I lean on him every chance I get.

Yeah. But you gotta pound on him 24 hours a day if you can.

And don't let up.

You know, I had a boot started out like that once.

His father was a minister, and he picked me to love.

Well, I made him my house mouse.

Made him keep my quarters spotless.

Kept him under my heel every minute.

I taught him. I cured him but good!

When he graduated, he was the perfect Marine.

Hated my guts!

There's an idea. Why don't I make Pyle my house mouse?

Sure.

I'll make Pyle hate me if it's the last thing I do.

I'll teach that boot to fool around with tradition.

Boy, wait till that poor boot finds out he's gonna be my house mouse.

Your house mouse? Gosh, sir, what a wonderful honor.

I sure do appreciate it, sir.

It ain't an honor. You hear me?

Well, it may not be to you, but it is to me.

It ain't every day a feller gets to help out another feller

for which the first feller has so much admiration.

Well, maybe you won't like it so much when I tell you what you gotta do.

Oh, I'm sure I will, sir.

First, the deck.

"First, the deck." Never mind repeating.

"Never mind repeat..." No repeating. Right, sir.

I want this deck scrubbed, bleached, and waxed.

Done and done, sir. But I mean clean.

If there's one spot, you're gonna have to do it all over again.

You hear that? One spot, and you do it all over.

That's as it should be, sir. Perfect is as perfect does.

One spot, and I do it all over again. I said no repeating!

Now, my bunk!

My bunk is to be changed.

The blankets aired and the linens replaced.

And if there is one wrinkle in one blanket or sheet,

you're gonna have to do it all over again.

Oh, my, do you hate that, too?

I just can't stand a wrinkle in my sheet.

It's a throwback is what it is. When I was a boy,

I had these sheets made out of flour sacks sewed together,

and them seam ridges nearly drove me berserk.

So I know what you mean. Who told you you could gab on and on?

I wasn't repeating, sir. It was all new stuff.

I'll say it again.

One wrinkle, and you do the whole bunk over.

Now, my shoes. Cleaned and polished!

With the respect due a fine piece of leather. Aye, aye, sir.

And the windows, I want them to glisten.

So's you can see from outside in and the inside out, right.

Again, if there's one speck,

one tiny little speck

you're gonna have to do it all over again. All over, you hear?

I hear.

And the ledges and the shelves, I want 'em dusted.

And when I say dusted, I don't mean just run over quickly.

I mean dusted!

Do you know what's gonna happen if I find one speck of dust?

I'm gonna have to do it all over again! All over!

You aren't fooling me with that stupid act you're putting on.

What I'm doing to you burns you up, doesn't it? No, it don't, sir.

Oh, come on, Pyle, admit it. You don't like me.

You think it's rotten of me to give you all this extra work!

No, I don't, sir. I like you. I like you very much.

You say you do, but you really don't, do you?

You couldn't like me after all I'm doing to you.

You're wrong, sir. I do like you.

Why?

It's easy. Look at you.

You're paying more attention to me than you are to anybody.

Oh, I like you, sir. Honest.

Get to work!

Well, Pyle, you ready for inspection?

Your house is all moused, sir. Uh-huh.

Well, let's see.

Uh-huh.

It's filthy! Huh?

Look at that, you dirty person!

I don't hardly see a thing. Filth!

What's the matter with you, Pyle? Are you blind? You got poor eyesight?

Oh, no!

As a matter of fact, the doctor that examined me

said I had the sharpest pair of eyes he'd seen.

I want you to get that scrub brush and get busy!

I once hit a chicken hawk with a rock at 20 yards.

Pyle! Nobody ever heard of it, though,

'cause there weren't no witnesses.

Pyle! Excepting the hawk

and he was so stunned he didn't remember nothing.

Knock it off!

You know something, Pyle? Sir?

You're not only dirty, you are filthy!

Thank you, sir.

What are you thanking me for?

Well, it ain't every day you get a straightforward, honest opinion.

Seems like every time I turn around,

I'm thanking you for improving my lot.

Sir, you're a friend to have, for sure.

I'll get started right away and do it all over again.

I'm losing it, Whip.

You know that? Come on.

No, it's true.

I can't do anything wrong.

He likes me.

He likes me! Oh, now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Did you try humiliating Pyle in front of his peers?

His peers? The other guys.

They're peers?

Yeah, it means, uh, uh, the other fellas in the platoon.

I never heard them called "peers."

Yeah. It's, uh, a... a fella's equals,

like, uh, like I'm your peer.

Hey, that's great. Believe me, Vince,

humiliate him in front of his own platoon.

Especially if he doesn't deserve it.

His peers? Right.

And he'll come around.

He'll hate your guts.

One thing these boots can't stand is injustice.

I'm desperate.

I'll try anything.

I can't graduate a boot who likes me.

And he likes me!

The dirty peer.

Hey, your stuff looks great, kid. Beautiful. Thanks.

Man, you sure can shine stuff.

You really got the magic touch. - Ten-hut!

Uh-huh. Good, good.

Oh, that's very good. Very good. Uh-huh.

You call yourself ready for graduation?

You call yourself a basic Marine?

10 weeks ago, you came to me a lump.

A plain, nothing lump!

I worked with you! I gave you special attention!

And you know something? You're still a lump!

This inspection is a disgrace! I ain't learned you a thing!

You ain't fit to be in the same platoon with these other peers!

You other peers listen to this.

This person is not fit to graduate!

He is a sloppy peer!

Do it right!

Pick 'em up and do it right!

You hate me for doing that, don't you? You just hate me.

Tell the truth. Oh, no, sir.

It was nice of you to point out my failings to me.

Only a friend would do that. Thank you, sir.

I like you for that.

In all my years of being a psychiatrist,

I never heard anything like this.

Now, uh, let me get this straight, Sergeant.

You're upset because a boot likes you?

That's right, sir.

Well, this is something new.

Most people have problems because they aren't loved.

Sir, if a DI ain't hated, he ain't a DI.

That's what's got me so worried. This recruit likes me.

Tell me something about yourself, Sergeant.

Sir?

Well, I mean, uh, what was your life like before you became a Marine?

When you were a youngster, a little fellow.

Sir, I don't know what you...

Uh, I mean, what... what kind of an atmosphere was there?

Well, there was a lot of hollering. Hollering?

I used to holler at my sister a lot.

And my father used to holler at me for hollering at my sister.

You might say I was brought up on hollering.

Well, what about your mother?

She'd holler at my father.

Well, uh, how was she with you?

Was she nice?

Yeah. I guess.

Was she affectionate?

Well, sure. Did she have any pet names for you?

Well, Sergeant, did she have a nickname for you?

Well? Did she?

Sir, I don't see what this has got to do with... Sergeant,

did your mother have a nickname for you?

Yes, sir. Well, what was it?

What was the name your mother used for you?

Num-num.

Num-num? Yes, sir.

It was a word I used for candy and gum.

She used to call me that.

Num-num. Your father, too?

Well, then, uh, in spite of the hollering around the house,

there was a more or less friendly atmosphere.

I guess.

Of course, this is, um, just an off-the-cuff diagnosis.

After all, you're not under treatment. I don't know you too well.

But, uh, would you like to know what I think, just generally speaking?

Yes, sir.

Carter, underneath all that bluster,

there is still the nice, friendly boy

from a more or less nice, friendly atmosphere,

and Gomer Pyle has gotten through.

He has reached Num-num.

You see, what you have in this, uh, Gomer Pyle is a childlike individual

who can see through anger and ranting and raving.

He will not be shaken by your attacks,

because he knows that underneath it all,

there is Num-num.

That's terrible!

Why?

Well, if he can do it, another recruit can do it,

and I'm washed-up as a DI.

I can yell at them all day long,

and behind my back, they'll say,

"There goes Num-num. Boy, did I like him."

"Hello, Num-num, sir."

I'll tell you what I would suggest.

I'd put in for a transfer if I were you, Sergeant.

Give up drill-instructing for a while.

Go to another camp and just be a regular sergeant.

Then, when you feel that your confidence has been restored,

you can always come back to being a DI.

You see,

your facade of meanness has been penetrated, so to speak.

What's a facade?

Well, that's a... Anything like a peer?

Uh, no, no. A facade is just a disguise.

Yes, you... you put in for that transfer, I'll endorse it,

and, uh, you should have no trouble. Yes, sir.

It's a terrible thing to be loved.

Hold still, Gomer.

Graduation! Shazam!

There you go.

Boy, it sure happened fast, didn't it, fellers?

Yeah. It only seemed like a century.

Hey, I got a great idea, fellers. Let's make a pact, right now,

that we meet right here at this camp 10 years from today

and have a reunion with a cake and everything. How about that?

Yeah. Sounds good. Where will we meet?

Hey, what about the cigar store across from the main gate?

Hey, that's a great idea, but what time?

How about 10 years from this Friday, 8:00?

Then it's a date. Boy, this is gonna be nice, so we won't lose touch

with one another.

I'll get my hat and go tell Sergeant Carter.

Whoa! Back up, buddy! Who needs him?

You mean you don't want Sergeant Carter there?

The man that practically raised us all together?

You don't wanna see him again?

Oh, we don't mind seeing him again, Gomer.

It's just that 10 years is a little soon.

Really? Now, 30 or 40 years, okay.

Platoon 317! Dismissed!

Aye, aye, sir!

Platoon 318! Dismissed!

Aye, aye, sir!

Hey, Whipple. So long.

I'm gonna miss you almost as much as I'm gonna miss Gomer Pyle.

Well, it won't be the same without you around here, Vince.

It's gonna be nice and quiet. Take it easy, kid.

Be good, boy. PYLE: Hey, Sergeant Carter, sir!

Huh? I looked for you right after graduation.

Where'd you disappear to?

Well, I got a lot of packing to do.

Sir, we won't be seeing each other anymore after today,

and I was just wondering when and where we could get together again?

Well, that's hard to say. You see, Pyle, I put in for a transfer.

You did? Yeah, so, uh,

I can't tell you when or where we could get together again.

Shoot, just tell me where you're gonna be, and I'll look for you.

No, Pyle, you don't understand.

You're going to Parris Island for your

infantry training. That's in South Carolina.

And I'm going to Camp Henderson. That's in California.

We'll be thousands of miles apart!

Heck, it's a shame we both can't go to the same camp.

Yeah. It's a real shame. Well, so long, Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant? Let's write to each other, hear?

Yeah. Yeah. We'll write. Goodbye.

Hey, I did wanna tell you about the reunion

our platoon's gonna have 10 years from now.

Oh, yeah. Good, good. Well, goodbye, Pyle.

It won't be a reunion if you ain't there.

So remember, it's 10 years from this Friday

in the cigar store opposite the main gate.

The cigar store. I'll remember.

Goodbye, Pyle. Sir, sir.

It's 10 years from this Friday at 8:00.

Sergeant, your men have just arrived.

Yeah? What do they look like?

Well, they can't be any worse than the bunch of meatheads I had in boot camp.

One in particular. Come on, let's take a look.

Fall in!

All right, you men are no longer boots!

You are now basic Marines!

You will now begin your advanced infantry training!

I will be your troop leader!

My name is Sergeant Carter!

Now, the fir...

Hey, Sergeant, sir! Surprise!

Pyle, what are you...

What are all of these men doing...

Surprise, surprise, surprise!

What?

Well, here's what happened.

You know, you said that they was gonna send us all to Parris Island?

Well, they didn't do no such thing.

At the last minute, they changed their minds

and they sent us here to Camp Henderson,

where you said you was gonna be sent.

I didn't wanna tell you on account I didn't wanna spoil the surprise.

And I sure am glad I didn't.

'Cause it is a surprise, ain't it, Sergeant?

You sure look surprised.

All right, you men!

You were sent here, and I was sent here!

Okay! I'm gonna work you and work you!

You think it's gonna be easy just because you're out of boot camp?

Well, it ain't!

And Pyle, I don't know what you think you see when you look real close,

but I will tell you, I am still a sergeant, hard and tough!

It ain't just a... A facade. It ain't a facade!

You think it's a facade? No! It's me, through and through!

Is that clear? Is that very clear?

Yes, sir. Mmm.

Sir? Huh?

Are you gonna ask me what you always did at boot camp?

What? You know, about do I like you?

'Cause the answer's yes. I really do.

I like you very much! I really do, Sergeant!