Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

Pyle!

Hey, sir.

Pyle, you are a knucklehead,

you are a goof-off, you are a goldbrick.

Have you ever heard that?

No, sir.

Wally, my boss back home, used to call me a jabber, now,

and a mooncalf but never the ones you said.

Then I'll say 'em again.

Knucklehead, goof-off, and goldbrick.

Never heard those words where I come from, Sergeant.

You must be from the Midwest. Knock it off.

Pyle, I will tell you what a goldbrick is.

A goldbrick is a person who does not do his work,

who does not pull his load.

Pyle, you are a goldbrick.

No, sir, I... You have not done a decent day's work all week, Pyle.

All week.

Yes, sir, ask anybody.

Hey, fellas... As you were.

Pyle, do you realize you get paid a salary?

Do you realize you're accepting money under false pretenses?

Pyle, you are stealing money.

Why, I never... Stealing, stealing.

No, sir, even back home when I worked at the fillin' station,

and I'd get a coin out of the cash register for the pop machine,

I always left a note saying, "Gomer owes."

Well, you better leave a note for the US taxpayer

because that's who pays your salary.

And he pays it no matter what.

His kid might go without rollerskates,

but you get paid.

Well, that's just terrible.

It is when you goof off and don't earn it.

And, Pyle, this week you have not earned it.

All right, all you people, listen up.

Pay call will be at 0800 in the duty hut.

You will report there at that hour,

and you will not keep the pay officer waiting.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir! As you were.

Pyle, how you can accept that money

after the week you put in, I'll never know.

Sir, Private Richard Helmsley.

Sign.

Thank you, sir.

Sir, Private Gomer Pyle.

Sign.

What are you doing, Private?

I'm returning some, sir. What?

Well, sir, I didn't work hard enough last week,

so I oughtn't to get paid for it.

I'm returning part of my pay, sir, $10.

You're returning...

That money should go to some taxpayer

to buy rollerskates for his young'uns.

Yes. Thank you, sir.

That's a conscientious recruit.

Or he's a nut.

Don't spend that all in one place, Gomer.

That's a good one, Duke.

Excuse me, sir.

At ease, Pyle.

You gonna be real proud of me, sir.

What?

I returned a whole week's pay,

and I feel a whole lot better about it, too.

Why? Why did you do that?

You remember that there fine speech you gave to me

about how I was stealing a week's pay from the taxpayers?

Well, I got to thinkin' about it, and I decided you was right.

So what I done, I just returned a whole week's pay.

Feel real good about it, too.

You returned a week's pay? Just gave it back?

Yes, sir. If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have done it at all.

Sergeant, you deserve all the credit.

I don't want any credit.

You don't, sir?

No, I don't know what this is all about,

but I sure don't want any credit.

You know something, sir?

You sure are modest for a sergeant.

Yeah. I'm modest.

Now, get back to your quarters.

You know what my grandma always said?

She said, "Modesty is one of the kingly virtues in this whole world."

Move it! Move it! Move it!

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight, Lieutenant.

One man didn't take full pay, right?

That's right, sir. The recruit's name's Gomer Pyle.

He had some crazy story about not deserving it.

He just left it and ran off.

What? That's right, sir.

He said he didn't work hard enough last week.

You kidding me?

No, sir.

Well, I never heard of anything like this.

No, sir, neither have I.

Gomer Pyle, huh?

Yes, sir.

Well, he's either very conscientious

or he's a nut.

Yes, sir.

Okay, we'll put it through just like this.

Battalion will handle it.

What's a "Gomer Pyle" anyway?

It's a recruit, sir.

A recruit? What kind of a recruit sends back money?

Well, I'm not sure, sir.

Darnedest thing I ever heard of. Yes, sir.

You know what I think? I think it's a publicity stunt.

Yes, sir, it could be. Yeah.

Some men will do anything to get their name in the paper.

This... This Pyle is probably an actor

who figures to make a fuss and cash in on the publicity.

Gomer. Gomer?

Sounds like an actor's name, doesn't it?

May I suggest, sir, we send the money back down the line

to the original officer who took the money

and have him return it to this Pyle?

That way there won't be any publicity on this level.

Good idea. Send it on back down with my endorsements.

And I want a signed receipt to make sure he receives the money.

Yes, sir. Ever hear anything like this before?

No, sir. I can't say as I have, sir.

Well, as I say,

he's probably an actor after publicity

or he's a nut.

Good afternoon, Lieutenant. You wanted to see me, sir?

Yes, I did. Gomer Pyle is in your platoon, that right?

Yes, sir.

Did you know that Pyle returned part of his pay this month?

He didn't.

Yes. He said he didn't earn it.

Where do you suppose he got an idea like that?

I don't know, sir.

Is it possible he got the idea from you?

Me, sir?

Yes, you know how a recruit might misinterpret

an order he gets from his DI.

Well, it's possible

he might have misunderstood something I said to him, sir.

Like what?

Well, I chewed him out for not working hard enough.

I do that to all the men.

He's the first knucklehead that ever insisted on returning money.

That's all it was, sir, just a little misunderstanding.

It's gotten to be quite a big misunderstanding, Sergeant.

It has, sir? It has.

I won't waste time. I want you to get Pyle to take this money back.

As a matter of fact, I'd do it within the next 36 hours.

I'll get him to take it back, sir.

Oh, I'll get him to take it back.

Sergeant, we need a signed receipt from Pyle,

and he won't be able to do that if he has a broken arm.

Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant, sir. You like my paintin' work?

Ah, that's beautiful.

Did you sign your name at the bottom of it?

Sign my name?

Oh, you mean like them artist fellers do

whenever they paint a picture.

Oh, I got you now.

Hey, Sergeant, do you know something? You're really witty.

Sign my name!

Well, before you sign that, sign this.

What's that, sir?

Never mind. Just, uh, sign it.

Can I read it?

I doubt it.

All right, you read it. Now sign it.

But, sir, this says I took back that there week's pay.

That's right. Now, I don't want any trouble over this.

Just sign it.

Well, I sure as heck don't want to cause you any trouble, sir,

but I just couldn't take back that there taxpayers' money.

Why not?

Well, it ain't my money. I didn't earn it.

Well, never mind about that.

Right now, I want you to take this money back

and sign this receipt. Now, sign it, Pyle, sign it!

I just couldn't, sir.

Sign the paper, Pyle! Sign it!

But, sir... Now, Pyle, you listen to me.

Look, Pyle, I can't order you to sign this.

So what I'm doing is,

I'm asking you to take the money back

and sign this receipt.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

All right, sign it.

But I couldn't take back something that don't belong to me.

You was right about me not earnin' that money. Right as rain.

That's the reason I turned it back in.

Some poor taxpayer's young'un having to do without his rollerskates.

Forget the rollerskates! Sign it! Sign it!

I sure would like to oblige, Sergeant,

but you know what's gotten me in this situation?

What?

My grandma.

Grandma Pyle always used to say,

"A workman should be worthy of his hire."

Bless her heart.

All right!

You'll sign it! You'll sign it!

You'll sign it. If it's the last thing you'll do, you'll sign it.

Write your name.

Write your name.

Write your name.

Ten-hut!

As you were.

Do you know what I'd do? I'd stick his head underwater,

and I wouldn't let him up until he signed that receipt.

Or I might kill him and send the money to his next of kin.

Or... Oh, will you just do your work and let me think?

Okay.

Okay.

You got it, right? I got it.

You're gonna kill him? No, listen.

I'll do it with a game.

Oh, you mean we're gonna play a game, and the winner kills Pyle?

That's good... Listen, will you?

I'm gonna hold a raffle, and the winner gets the money.

Now, guess who the winner's gonna be?

Private Gomer Pyle.

How's he gonna win?

Oh, he'll win.

He'll win or I'll kill him.

Take a slip and get inside for the drawing.

Take a slip. Take a slip. Take a slip. Come on.

Excuse me, sir. What is it, sir?

Some silly thing dreamed up by some morale officer

to keep you sissies happy.

Now, take a slip and get inside. It's for a raffle.

Oh, what's the prize, sir?

The prize is in this envelope. How do I know what's inside of it?

Take a slip and get inside and don't ask so many stupid questions.

Yes, sir. Take a slip.

Take a slip.

All right. Take a slip. Keep the line moving.

Take a slip. Hey, take a slip.

Take a slip.

Take a slip. Oh, shoot.

- I got number seven. - Take a slip.

What are you complaining about? Seven's a lucky number.

Not for me. Six was always my lucky number.

I had a hog once, and I entered him in a contest,

and he was number six and he won.

Hey, Gomer, I got number six. I'll swap with you.

No foolin'? Sure, I'll take seven.

Hey, that's a good deal.

What do you guys think the prize is gonna be? Beats me.

Ten-hut!

As you were.

All right, you people,

this is gonna be just like a raffle back home.

Here are the matching numbers.

I'll draw a number from the helmet, and the winner takes the prize.

And it's back to work once this foolishness is over with.

Back home whenever they had a raffle,

they always ask up an impartial party to do the drawin'.

Pyle, are you accusing me of not being impartial?

Gosh, no, sir.

I never knew what impartial meant.

All right.

I don't like nobody questioning my impartialness.

All right. Now for the drawing.

The lucky number is seven.

Hey. That's me, sir.

All right, Pyle, just sign the official winner's form, and take the prize.

All right, Pyle. Sir...

Come on, Pyle, what are you waiting for? Take the prize.

Sir, sir. What do you want?

Sir, I have the winning number. You do not.

Didn't you say number seven, sir?

Right. Pyle.

There it is, sir, number seven.

Pyle, what number have you got?

Six.

I had the winning number, but I swapped with Duke.

I guess six is only lucky for hogs.

Hogs?

Hogs.

Sir, a-about the prize, what was the prize, sir?

Look, I was against this from the beginning.

I don't think we have to entertain a bunch of recruits.

Sir, but I just... No buts!

The next time somebody comes up with this,

I'll tell them what I think about this kind of idea.

Sir, I was just curious. What was the prize?

One hundred pushups. Do you want them?

No, sir. All right.

That sure is a curious prize for a raffle.

They used to give away a turkey or a TV set.

But 100 pushups?

Good afternoon, sir.

Hello, Carter. Just put the receipt on my desk.

Just leave the receipt, Sergeant.

It hasn't been signed, sir.

It hasn't?

No, sir.

Private Pyle refuses the money, and I can't get him to take it.

Sir, regulations don't show where a recruit can be forced to take money.

I... I looked everyplace and I can't find anything.

I see. Uh... Got any suggestions, Carter?

No, sir. I tried everything.

Okay, I guess the depot commander can solve it.

General Wells?

That's right. I'm sending this whole thing to him.

Oh, sir, I... I don't think you have to do that.

No? I don't have much choice.

You know who's waiting for that receipt, Sergeant? The Pentagon.

The Pentagon? That's right.

The Pentagon.

Carry on, Sergeant. Carry on.

The Pentagon.

Hi, Vince. So you took care of it? Huh?

I mean, you went right to the top. No horsing around with you, right?

What are you talking about?

Pyle. He got called up to General Wells' office.

Pyle is with the General? What do they want him for?

Well, don't you know?

Well, I didn't arrange it.

No?

Oh, that does it.

You know good and well, he'll tell the General that whole stupid story

about how I got him to turn back his pay.

You think he would?

Vince, you've been ordered to report to General Wells on the double.

What did I tell you?

You know, you were right.

You told me to kill him.

I should have listened. Now it's too late.

Yes, sir.

Right, sir.

Very good, sir. I'll get on it right away.

Sergeant? Mmm?

Sergeant Carter, sir.

The General wants you to go right in.

Yes, sir.

Right. Yes, it's all been taken care of.

I have the recruit working here now,

and I see his drill instructor has just come in.

Oh, yes, General, I'll tell him. Right.

Goodbye, sir.

Sergeant Carter reporting as ordered, sir.

At ease, Sergeant.

That was Washington, Sergeant.

The Pentagon? The Pentagon.

How long have you had those stripes, Sergeant?

It would have been...

It will be nine years next month, sir.

Sergeant Carter, I'm gonna make an example of you

for the benefit of every noncom on this post.

Now, Private Pyle has told me all about this pay incident,

and he laid the responsibility directly on you.

He did?

Sergeant,

any man who can instill the devotion and loyalty to the Corps

that you've instilled in Private Pyle

deserves to be commended.

Well, sir, I can explain.

Sir, did the General say commended or condemned?

Commended, Sergeant, commended.

When you get a boot to return a week's pay

because his sergeant told him he didn't earn it,

well, that's a pretty big sacrifice.

The sergeant in question must be a very good sergeant.

Well done, Sergeant.

Well, that's all. I just wanted to let you know.

Yes, sir.

Sir.

Yes, Sergeant?

Begging the General's pardon,

but, sir, if the General is pleased with Private Pyle's activities,

why is he being punished, sir?

Punished, Sergeant? Oh... Oh, you mean the scrubbing?

Yes, sir.

That's not punishment, Sergeant. That was Private Pyle's idea.

Sir?

Overtime.

You see, Gomer thought it might be a good idea for him

to put in a few extra hours every day and earn that money back.

Oh.

I think it was a fine idea. Don't you?

That is a good idea. Yes, sir, it's a very good idea.

That was Gomer's idea, sir?

That's right, Sergeant. That's all.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, Sergeant.

Remember.

A workman should be worthy of his hire.

Grandma Pyle.

Yes, sir.

So, how's the work, Pyle?

Oh, hey, Sergeant, sir. I didn't see you.

Gee, don't you look slick.

You got on your tie and everything.

Well, I just came from a little meeting of all the DIs.

The General thought it'd be a good idea if I gave a little talk

on how to instill responsibility in the men.

Well, you're just the one what can do it.

Well, uh...

Look, if, uh, you wanna knock this off now, it's okay.

Shazam! You mean just quit?

That's right. Take some time off.

Just don't let anybody see you while you're standing around, huh?

Boy, that's great. Let's see now.

Half a day at $73 a month...

What are you doing?

I was just trying to figure up how much I'd have to give back

to the paymaster this month for takin' a half day off.

Thirty days... Pyle!

Get back and clean these cans!

I want them clean! Do you understand? Clean them! Get on it!