Original subtitles

Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

Ten-hut!

You people are supposed to be ready

for Battalion Commander's inspection.

Are you ready?

Yes, sir!

I don't think you're ready. You say you are?

Yes, sir! In other words,

you're calling me a liar. Is that it?

No, sir!

Well, let's just see who's calling me a liar.

Uh-huh.

Mmm-hmm.

Pyle, you! Sir?

You call me a liar?

No, sir. Yes, you did.

No, sir. Spit on my finger and hope to die if I'd call you that.

Your bunk is not tucked proper!

That means you're not ready! You said you were.

You're the liar!

Well, I reckon I'm a bad bunk-tucker, but I ain't a liar.

I don't have time to fool with you, boy!

Now, you get that bunk squared away, and you shape up!

Yes, sir.

Do I make myself clear to you?

Well, not when you get this close. You get kind of fuzzy.

Knock it off! Move! Move! Move! Move!

Now, you people listen up!

The efficiency ratings have just been posted!

For the second straight week,

this platoon has been beaten by Sergeant Whipple's platoon!

Now, I don't like that! Do you like that?

No, sir! I can't hear you!

No, sir! All right!

Then you people better settle down!

And you better boost those efficiency ratings!

Pyle, what do you think you're doing now?

Sir. I told you to straighten this bunk!

Yes, sir. But you'd rather look out the window?

No, sir. Your attention is in here, boy!

There is nothing outside that window! You understand?

Well, sir... Nothing! Is that clear? Nothing!

Yes, sir. Nothing.

Nothin' except Sergeant Whipple messin' up our company area.

Huh?

Why, that dirty...

Whipple, you rat! I'll get you for this!

Everybody outside on the double!

Police that area! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

You see, sir, there was somethin' out... Outside!

Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

Every piece! Every piece!

Snap it up! Every piece!

Every piece!

Fall in!

Good morning, sir.

A little last-minute policing, Sergeant? Yes, sir.

Cuts it kind of close, doesn't it, for inspection? Yes, sir.

Carry on.

Now you know how it is.

Even when you do it right, somebody tries to foul you up and foul up your inspection!

Well, after this inspection, we are going on a little hike!

We are going on the same hike that Sergeant Whipple took his platoon yesterday!

But, we are going to beat Sergeant Whipple!

We are going to beat his platoon. Is that clear?

Yes, sir! I can't hear you!

Yes, sir! Sir?

What do you want? How come you didn't tell the Colonel

that Sergeant Whipple tried to mess up your inspection?

You're at attention!

You ought to have told him.

Pyle, we don't do things like that here.

We don't tell.

But it wasn't your fault. Pyle!

It was Sergeant Whipple's. Pyle!

It's a hateful thing.

Boy, I'm tired already. We haven't even started yet.

Probably gonna double-time us all the way

just to beat Sergeant Whipple.

That Sergeant Whipple's a creep, you know that?

They're all creeps. What about our DI? Ain't he a creep?

Sergeant Carter?

You ought not talk that way about Sergeant Carter.

Why, do you love him so much?

No, I don't love him.

I like him, but I don't love him.

But you like him?

Uh-huh. I expect his mom and daddy love him.

I just like him.

Gomer, Sergeant Carter don't have a mommy and daddy. He was raised by werewolves.

That ain't very nice to say.

Do you know he has holes cut in the brim of his hat

for his ears to stick through?

You hush. That ain't nice.

All right, all right, have it your way.

He's a great guy, and you love him.

I didn't say that. I like him.

I like him a whole lot, but I just don't love him.

Right. Fall in!

Ready? Hit it!

All right... Hit it!

Left, right, left, right. Left, left, left, right, left!

I just love it when he sings that, that there cadence call, don't you?

No. You love him, don't you, Gome?

No. I love his cadence. Don't love him. Okay.

I like him. All right.

Double time! Hit it!

You like him now, too, Gome?

Uh-huh. But don't love him.

Hold it!

What's the matter? Who told him to stop?

There's a snake in the middle of the road, Sergeant.

Looks like a rattler.

That's a rattler, all right.

All right, you people, stand back!

Excuse me, sir. You don't have to do that.

What?

That ain't a rattler. That's a kingsnake.

Yeah? Well, I ain't got time to prove it.

Please, sir, wait a minute.

Pyle, what are you doing?

It's okay, sir.

Pyle, you idiot, drop it! Drop it!

It's just a little, old kingsnake, like I said.

Pyle, are you crazy? Kingsnakes ain't poisonous.

See? He ain't got no teeth. He kills by constrictin'.

And then he only kills other snakes, not folks.

Pyle! Look at him grin.

Rattlesnakes don't never grin.

Hey, there, Mr. Kingsnake.

Pyle, get rid of it!

Yes, sir.

Go on, boy. Go on, now.

You're holdin' up the United States Marine Corps.

Bye-bye.

Say "hey" to Miss King.

Pyle, are you crazy, pickin' up a snake?

Well, not all of 'em are poisonous.

If you ever get bit by a poisonous snake,

what'll happen is you'll get paralyzed

and then you'll have trouble breathin' and you'll turn blue.

And 10 or 15 minutes later, you'll be dead.

That's how you'll know if they're poisonous.

Thanks. I'll remember that.

All right, the rest of you people fall out.

Five minute break.

Gomer, how come you know so much about snakes?

Well, back home, you get to where you know all kinds of animals.

Get to where you can recognize 'em, too, and understand their talk.

Their talk? Animals talk?

Sure. Didn't you know that?

Which ones? All of 'em.

Didn't you ever hear a chipmunk talk?

No, not back in Milwaukee.

You think I'm foolin', don't you?

Well, I tell you, I'm not.

Hey! What's that?

It's a skunk. That's what it is. A skunk!

Hey, don't run. He ain't gonna hurt you.

Come here, boy. Come here.

Here, I got something for you. It's a little piece of bread

I was savin' for that empty spell about 10:00,

but you can have it. Come on, come on.

Lord, he looks just like my Uncle Ralph.

Come here, boy. Come on. I'm not gonna hurt you.

Come over here. Come here, boy.

Come on. Come on, come on.

Yes, sir.

See there, fellers? He wants to be friendly.

Most animals do if you give 'em a chance.

Say "hey" to the fellers, Ralph.

That is a skunk, isn't it, Gome?

Sure is, but he ain't much different than a weasel or a mink.

Yeah. Except he's got a secret weapon.

Hey, how come he doesn't smell, Gomer?

Aren't they supposed to smell?

You city folks.

That smell is used to protect themselves

whenever they're bein' attacked

or when somebody hollers at 'em.

You mean if I raise my voice like this he might...

Duke, hold it down.

You'll scare Ralph, and he'll attack.

All right, let's get those packs on. Let's saddle up.

Come on. What's going on here?

What is this, a party or something? What...

Pyle, get rid of that skunk! Get rid of it!

Shh, sir, please hold it down. Shh.

Well, I said get rid of it!

Sir, you got to hold it down.

Hollerin' scares him.

And when he's scared, he's liable to attack

and give off a... An odor.

All right.

But get rid of him.

Understand? Yes, sir.

Goodbye, Ralph.

All right, the rest of you men...

The rest of you men fall in.

On the double. On the double!

Forward... Shh, sir. Shh.

Forward... Hut!

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. One...

Ten-hut!

Well, we did not beat Sergeant Whipple's time

on that hike this afternoon!

And I think I know why we did not beat Sergeant Whipple's time.

It is because we've got an animal lover in our group!

That is why we did not beat Sergeant Whipple's time!

I'm sorry, sir. You're not half as sorry as you're gonna be.

Now, you people listen up! I want extra points on that inspection tomorrow!

I want this place cleaned and squared away like it's never been done!

I want you to sweep, swab down.

I want you to dust between the springs, over the side of the bulkhead!

I want this place spotless! I want no excuses!

No alibis.

It's Ralph.

Hey, Ralph.

Who did you say that was? Ralph.

Ralph?

I named him that on account of he looks like my Uncle Ralph,

especially around the eyes.

I expect he followed us back from that hike we was on, Sergeant.

Get rid of him. You hear me?

Sir? I said get rid of him.

Yes, sir, but how?

I don't care how! Just...

Remember, hollerin' scares 'em,

and then they you-know-what.

All right. All right.

Just get rid of it. I don't care how or where.

I'm not gonna get stuck with a skunk in my platoon!

Out!

Out! Yes, sir.

Come on, Ralph.

It's time for you to go back where you belong.

We got this inspection tomorrow,

and you'd just get in the way around here.

A skunk. A skunk in my platoon.

And on top of that, I get stuck with an idiot that talks to skunks!

Okay, Sergeant.

I set him outside and pointed him in the right direction.

He's gone now. He won't bother you no more.

I'm sure sorry.

All right, now, you people listen up!

On that inspection tomorrow, I want every man...

I told him to go on home.

I declare, I don't know how to get rid of him.

I do.

Corporal.

There's an empty ammo box in my duty hut.

Go get it! Right, Sergeant.

I headed him in the right direction,

but he turned just right around.

Go on, Ralph.

Go on, Ralph.

I don't know why he's taken such a fancy to me.

Maybe he is your Uncle Ralph.

I'm sure sorry about this, Sergeant,

but animals always did just naturally take to me.

Wish I knew what we could do with the little feller.

Don't worry.

Put him in here. Yes, sir.

Are you gonna keep him in that there box?

Not for long.

Any of you people wanna take this out back

and do a little target practice, huh?

I didn't think so. I'll have to do it myself.

Sir?

You ain't actually...

I mean, you're not gonna... What do you suggest?

Do you want him here for the inspection?

You want the Colonel to see him?

What am I supposed to say?

"Sir, this is Private Ralph Skunk,

"the ugliest recruit in the service," huh?

But you ain't gonna really shoot him, are you?

Pyle, this animal is getting in the way of the program.

He's interfering with me.

I've gotta get rid of him. Is that clear?

Is that clear to all you knuckleheads?

Yes, sir!

Now, get squared away.

I'll be back in a minute.

Well, you still like him?

I know you don't love him, but do you still like him?

Leave him alone. Can't you see he feels bad enough?

I just don't see how he could do it,

kill a defenseless little animal like that.

Are you kidding? He enjoys it.

Probably pulled wings off of flies when he was a kid.

Just don't see how.

I just don't see...

Come on, Gome.

Better start gettin' your gear squared away.

Ten-hut!

Sir? Yeah?

Did you really...

Actually shoot him? Right between the eyes! I don't miss!

Now, you people listen up!

About that inspection tomorrow,

every man here has his responsibility!

Every man here has his job!

I expect every man here to fulfill his responsibility!

Hey! It's Ralph! He ain't dead at all!

As you were!

I took a shot at him.

I was sure I hit him!

I must have just missed him that much.

I didn't wanna stand out there, wasting ammunition.

I ain't gonna waste government ammunition on no stupid skunk! Is that clear?

Pyle, you listen to...

Pyle, you listen to me.

Now, you want that animal alive,

you keep him out of sight.

He's your responsibility. You understand?

Now, we're going on a 10-mile hike tomorrow.

He goes with us. If he is discovered,

he will be considered contraband.

That will be your neck, nobody else's. Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

All right, you people. Get busy here. Sir?

Yeah? Thanks from Ralph and me.

I said the whole platoon! Come on, you two!

Move! Move!

This ain't no picnic! Now, let's move it!

Clean! Clean! Clean! I want those extra points!

Now, let's move!

All right, now, let's go! Let's go!

What do you say, Vince? I'm busy.

Yeah. Yeah, I see.

Don't try to put any fast one over on me, Whipple.

Get lost!

What's the matter? You got time for visiting?

Less than five minutes to inspection.

Well, I'll tell you, Vince,

I got a nice, cooperative bunch of boots.

I only have to tell them once.

That's how I get those extra points on the efficiency ratings.

Very interesting, but not to me.

Yeah, I got some good people on this tour.

Real good.

Okay, you're startin' to bug me, Steve.

Now, take a walk, will you?

Okay.

I guess I'll be shovin' off.

I ain't forgettin' about yesterday.

You know, the sabotage?

Don't try that again.

Vince, you cut me.

I'd like to.

Where's Pyle?

Anybody see Pyle?

What did he do, go over the hill with that skunk?

You stay right here... - Pyle!

And I'm gonna come back for you in a little while and take you on a nice walk.

Now, don't wander off.

All right. That does it! Let's fall in on the double!

Come on. Let's move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

Where you been, Pyle? Goldbricking?

No, sir. I was back there with Ralph.

I was feedin' him. Huh?

I was feedin' Ralph. You know what that little rascal likes?

Eggs.

Swell. Did you know that about skunks, Sergeant?

Skunks just love eggs. Pyle.

I saved him part of mine from breakfast this mornin'.

He really enjoyed 'em.

The little rascal didn't even mind

that there's ketchup on 'em. Pyle!

You wanna make a skunk a friend for life,

you serve him up a mess of eggs.

Fried, scrambled, poached, or even raw.

No two ways about it, skunks is egg-lovers.

Knock it off!

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

Sergeant. Sir?

Is this a new style?

Sir?

The pockets on these cartridge belts, every one unsnapped.

Is that something new for inspection? I haven't seen that order.

Uh, no, sir. Uh... I'm sorry, sir.

I'll get on the people about that right away, sir.

Carry on. Aye, aye, sir.

He did it to me again! Again! He did it again.

Who, Sarge? Whipple!

He must have done it when we were policing the area.

He snuck in and unsnapped all the cartridge belts!

There go those extra points! Oh, the rat!

What a mean thing. What a mean thing to do.

Pyle, you're at attention! You're at attention!

What a mean thing. What a mean thing to do.

Nobody asked you, Pyle!

All right, the rest of you people...

Fall out and get squared away for a 10-mile hike!

You got eight minutes! Move it, move it! Move! Move! Move!

But, sir... I told you to fall out! That means you, too!

Move!

What a mean thing. What a mean thing to do.

Check that rack.

How many points you figure he loses because of those cartridge belts?

Plenty. Enough to keep us way ahead.

Get that pillow.

Now, Ralph, I want you to go in there now,

and just want you to sort of look around.

You don't have to do nothin',

but just sort of look the place over, okay?

Gee, Ralph. We better get out of here.

All that hollering's liable to make you attack.

And then they really wouldn't like you.

Ten-hut!

Why, what's going on? What's the meaning of this, Sergeant?

Well, sir, we were all... Is this a game? Your platoon playing games, Sergeant?

No, sir, w-w-we were... This barracks is a shambles.

What did you have in there, a riot?

No, sir, we've had... Sergeant, you will confine your men!

You will get them and this building in order now!

Yes, sir.

Lieutenant, make a complete record of this for platoon ratings.

Carry on, Sergeant, if you can, that is.

Yes, sir.

Nice, cooperative bunch of people you got there, Whipple.

Yes, sir!

Attention!

You people see this, huh? Take a good look.

This is because I'm happy.

You will not see this often because I'm not often happy.

Now, can anyone here tell me what happened in Sergeant Whipple's hut?

Huh?

Can anyone here tell me what put him in the doghouse with the Colonel?

Look, it's all right. You can tell me.

If someone here's responsible, I just wanna congratulate him, that's...

Pyle.

That you, huh? Huh?

How did you manage it, huh? What did you do, huh?

I just took Ralph for a little visit.

Ah, good goin', boy!

Good going, boy.

That was really quick thinking. That was great!

You're really becoming a Marine, boy! Great.

Two... Halt.

Pyle, fall out.

This is the area, isn't it? Yes, sir.

Where's your friend? Our friend, sir.

Well, you know what to do. Yes, sir.

Come on, now.

Well, I reckon this is it, buddy.

I got to go now.

Now, don't look at me like that.

You know you can't go on livin' in a boot camp.

Right here's where you belong.

Now, you go out and find yourself some new friends.

Maybe a girl skunk.

And settle down and have some young ones. That's what you ought to do.

Pyle!

Be right there, Sergeant. Now, be a good boy, Ralph.

Bye-bye.

He was a good little feller, wasn't he?

I have to admit, he was.

That's one skunk that really earned his stripes.

About!

Face!

Forward march!

Left, right, left, right! Left, left, left, right, left!