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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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That's cute.
2
00:00:02,222 --> 00:00:03,222
Hmm!
3
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,336
Hey, little buddy.
4
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,572
Hey, what's up with these,
uh, adorable stickers?
5
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,573
Is this some new
initiative I'm unaware of?
6
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,709
'Cause they're really
bringing a smile to my face.
7
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,844
No. Wow!
8
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,648
I believe we have a serial
shoplifter on our hands.
9
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:22,387
And that smiley face
is his calling card.
10
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,456
What? No, a shoplifter?
11
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At OMT?
12
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,060
Why would they use a symbol a pure joy
13
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,595
to mark such a heinous crime?
14
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,063
But it's just a few stickers.
15
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,531
Maybe you're jumping to a conclusion.
16
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,608
Oh, no, no.
17
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,935
It's just a few stickers
in this aisle, DJ,
18
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:40,338
but they have already stolen
nine items from Fitness,
19
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,941
six items from Golf, and, well...
20
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,944
Check out Baseball...
21
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My God!
22
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This is serious.
23
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:56,354
Sorry, I see a smile, I smile.
It's just so ingrained.
24
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,358
- This is terrible, though.
- Yes!
25
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:07,565
First, a huge congratulations
goes out to OMT's
26
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,167
very own...
27
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Olympic silver medallist,
28
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Jen Hauser, everybody!
29
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,308
Thank you, thank you!
30
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,710
I'm... I'm very proud of myself.
31
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You know, the hours of training,
the life-threatening obstacles,
32
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,114
and yet I still overcame it all, and...
33
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Yay, yay, good for you. So proud.
34
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,451
On to more pressing matters.
35
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,854
OMT has a serial shoplifter.
36
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,789
Wait, we sell cereal?
37
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:34,326
Now, I know none of you
would steal from OMT,
38
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:37,196
but I just have to confirm:
Did any of you, say,
39
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,565
borrow hundreds of items
and forget to return them?
40
00:01:40,594 --> 00:01:41,596
Never, boss.
41
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,134
- Not a chance.
- No way!
42
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Shaggy!
43
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Huh?
44
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,273
"It wasn't me."
45
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Nice.
46
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,846
What kinda twisted sociopath
would use such a positive symbol
47
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to mark such a heinous crime?
48
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,581
That's what I said!
49
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,016
Anything show up on
your security footage?
50
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We don't have cameras.
51
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,485
I'm kind of against them, actually.
52
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,421
I feel like they breed
distrust in the community.
53
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,955
That's probably not
the smartest position
54
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,156
to take as a business.
55
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,425
I've been saying that for years.
56
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,159
Cameras give you peace of mind.
57
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,962
I've even got 'em at my house. See?
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There's my living room.
59
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,631
Oh, open concept!
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00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,032
There's my lovely wife, Nina.
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00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,500
- Oh!
- Oh, she's beautiful.
62
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,068
- Yeah!
- Oh...
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00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,904
There's the repairman we called
in to fix the dishwasher.
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00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,907
Wait, what are they...
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Nina, no!
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Don't unzip his pants!
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00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,551
I gotta go.
68
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,720
Now? But...
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00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,121
Lemme know if you catch the guy.
70
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,456
Will do.
71
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,458
We got a 10-33 in progress!
Send the K9 unit!
72
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,226
Wait, we have to catch the guy?
73
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,928
- Is it true what they say?
- What's that?
74
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That silver medallists
are the unhappiest
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00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,597
of all the medallists.
76
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,466
I think they call it
silver medal syndrome.
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00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,867
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?
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00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,536
To come so close to greatness
and miss it by a mere whisper.
79
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:52,937
I can't imagine what that's like.
80
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,273
That's 'cause you've never come
anywhere close to greatness.
81
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,875
That's not true! I've won gold.
82
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Korverton municipal spelling bee,
'01 through '04.
83
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,212
Oh, wow! Cool brag!
84
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,847
Hey, why don't you go do
something useful with your life
85
00:03:01,937 --> 00:03:03,049
for once and move your car?
86
00:03:03,143 --> 00:03:04,883
You're parked in customer parking again.
87
00:03:04,975 --> 00:03:07,485
Well, I don't subscribe to
archaic company dictums.
88
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,755
Besides, I'm not parked
in the accessible spot.
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I'm not a monster.
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00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,691
- Respect.
- Thank you!
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00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,526
See? Wayne wins.
92
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,228
Unlike you at the Olympics.
93
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,829
Hey, want to know my winning word?
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00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,632
Pizookie, the original cast iron cookie.
95
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Hmm!
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00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,774
Your ass is mine, smiley face bandit.
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00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,817
Alright, Bonnie and/or Clyde...
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Do your worst!
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00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:55,400
- I'm looking to trade these in.
- Sure.
100
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,869
I can he... hel...
101
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,605
Uh, is a hundred... hun...
hundred and fifty enough?
102
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,974
- Yeah!
- It's whatever you want.
103
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,018
- $200?
- Sure!
104
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,311
- $250?
- $250 works great.
105
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,613
Thanks!
106
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,715
Oh God, I should have given her three...
107
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Dude!
108
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:15,554
You gotta take care of that.
109
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,156
I know, man!
I'm so awkward around girls.
110
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,291
I can't help it!
111
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,294
That's not what I'm talkin' about.
112
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,696
- Damn!
- Uh, not again!
113
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,965
Oh God, I'm a horny monster!
114
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,902
Don't worry.
Sexual attraction is natural.
115
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:35,774
But you must learn to harness
and control that shit.
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00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,143
- Please, teach me.
- Okay.
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00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,312
Now, tuck that thing in your
waistband and follow me.
118
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,224
Ooh! So close, yet so far.
119
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,726
A lot like winning silver, I imagine.
120
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,061
Yeah, I was just warming up.
121
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,197
Hey, why don't you go kick rocks
and move your car already?
122
00:04:58,278 --> 00:04:59,932
I'll tell you what:
You hit a bullseye, I'll move my car.
123
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,735
You know that a dart
is just a baby javelin
124
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,403
and I'm an Olympic
silver medallist, right?
125
00:05:03,453 --> 00:05:05,238
Well, then it should be
very easy for you.
126
00:05:05,329 --> 00:05:07,106
Big talk from the queen of the losers.
127
00:05:07,157 --> 00:05:08,841
Alright, well,
start your engines now, Wayne,
128
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:11,010
- 'cause I'm about to blow your...
- Ooh!
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00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,144
- Okay, you were crowding me, so just...
- You know what?
130
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,946
Just tell me if you get it.
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00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,382
- What, you're gonna leave?
- Yeah.
132
00:05:16,451 --> 00:05:18,417
I could just place it in the
bullseye and say that I got it.
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00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:21,020
Yeah, but you'd never do that.
You're an honest person.
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00:05:21,039 --> 00:05:22,699
It's your greatest weakness.
135
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,092
My man, you have some pent-up energy
136
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,693
that's searching for a release.
137
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:32,096
- But there is another way.
- There is?
138
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,499
You gotta learn to
shut out the triggers.
139
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,034
But triggers are all around me!
140
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,914
Ancient monks would pour so much energy
141
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:52,517
into one mundane task
that accomplishing it
142
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,319
would create a surge of dopamine
143
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:57,322
even greater than the one you crave.
144
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,858
My mom said I'm not allowed
to do drugs, but...
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I trust you.
146
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,661
Oh... okay?
147
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:07,665
Son of a...!
148
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,269
He's taunting us. I just know it.
149
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,604
But what does it mean?!
150
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:17,609
A smiley face denotes happiness,
positivity, bliss.
151
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,212
But what does that have
to do with One More Time?
152
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,315
Think, dammit!
153
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,417
This isn't about One More Time.
154
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,419
- What do you mean?
- Don't you see?!
155
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:31,088
The blue eyes,
the naively optimistic countenance,
156
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,524
the gap in the teeth!
157
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,492
This is about...
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00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:35,560
you!
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00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,297
My God... It's like looking in a mirror.
160
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:43,568
But who would go to such
great lengths to destroy you?
161
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,371
I can think of only one man...
162
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,646
What took you so long?
163
00:06:59,191 --> 00:07:03,588
So, you're
the smiley face bandit, huh?
164
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,493
Why, Carlito? Why?
165
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,261
What the hell are you talkin' about?
166
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,998
The string of thefts we've had at OMT!
167
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,332
Thefts?
168
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,602
You couldn't pay me to take that
dank garbage off your hands.
169
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:20,639
Plus, what would I do with it?
170
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,474
Except sell it back to you.
171
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,142
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
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00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,479
Then why did you say,
"what took you so long?"
173
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,847
I got drunk a few weeks ago.
174
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,850
Threw a dead crow at your window.
175
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,552
Was wondering when you'd see
it on the security footage.
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00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,754
Son of a bitch!
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00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,990
We don't believe in security cameras!
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Why not?
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00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,893
They breed trust in the community, bro!
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00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,294
- See?
- Sit down!
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00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:44,963
Please... Thank you.
182
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,699
When did you say the
happy face thief last struck?
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00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,734
He doesn't even know his own name.
184
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,104
The smiley face bandit
last struck this morning.
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00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,172
Well, then, scratch me off the list,
186
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:58,577
'cause I was hard at work
all morning helping abuelitas.
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See for yourself.
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00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,414
"This morning"...
189
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,181
That's conclusive, alright.
190
00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:07,719
Oh, excuse me.
191
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:08,954
Oh, it's Chris!
192
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,889
The smiley face bandit struck again!
193
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,290
Well, well, well.
194
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,559
Looks like somebody deserves an apology.
195
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:15,994
You're absolutely right.
We're very sorry.
196
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,695
I don't want your apology!
197
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:18,863
Why'd you say it, then?
198
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,731
I want your head on a spit!
199
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,067
- Okay, alright...
- What?
200
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,201
Well, I guess we'll show
ourselves out, then.
201
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:27,004
Yeah, geez. Zero to 100, this guy.
202
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,040
Also, what's up
with the office décor here?
203
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,876
Maybe invest in a
permanent light fixture.
204
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:32,978
You think you're the only one
205
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:35,947
conducting interrogations, hermano?
206
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,882
Texted as soon as I saw it.
207
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,617
He's getting more daring.
208
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,753
Daring and pop arty.
209
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,489
Banksy meets Warhol.
210
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,891
Ah, yes, I see it.
211
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,760
One might even say munch-like
with the head smudge.
212
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,129
Perhaps it signifies
213
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,431
the deterioration of his mental state.
214
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:56,701
Oh, which in turn
signifies the deterioration
215
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,037
of your mental state.
216
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,237
Whoa...
217
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:02,707
Or maybe he just ran out of stickers.
218
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,442
Whoa...!
219
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,445
I mean...
220
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:08,780
You are an Olympic athlete, okay?
221
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,049
That counts for something, dammit.
222
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,524
Err...
223
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,533
Ugh, for Pete's sake!
224
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,774
You've been up here for months!
225
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,681
I've got you now, smiley face bandit.
226
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,015
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
227
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,817
- Oopsie-doodle. Hi!
- Hi.
228
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,620
Um, that one is... is not for sale.
229
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,154
But it was on the shelf.
230
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,825
Yes, but that is just for display.
231
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:58,363
So, um, how about...
Oh, how about this one?
232
00:09:58,392 --> 00:09:59,397
Huh!
233
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,133
Oh, look at you, big boy! Handsome much?
234
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,703
Uh, now I want this one
even more, thanks.
235
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,172
Uh, so sorry.
236
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,107
- No, I'm sorry.
- Nope.
237
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,409
Gonna have to put my foot down.
So sorry.
238
00:10:12,021 --> 00:10:13,310
No, you're not.
239
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,384
You will take what I give you!
240
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,851
Um...
241
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,186
I think this one's good.
242
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,455
Thank you for your patronage.
243
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,590
Chris, I did it!
244
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,526
I refocused my energy
entirely on a mundane task.
245
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,329
I moved all of the badminton
racquets into the tennis section
246
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,131
and all of the tennis racquets
into the badminton section,
247
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,834
and reorganized all of them in
alphabetical order by brand.
248
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,169
I didn't think about girls at all.
249
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,704
I didn't think about anything!
250
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,240
And when I was done, it felt so good!
251
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,944
That's called the flow state, my friend,
252
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,813
and it's nature's greatest high.
253
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,416
Now all you gotta do is
keep up the practice.
254
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:55,019
- For how long?
- Until you get home.
255
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,354
I can do that.
256
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,856
Now, if you'll excuse me,
257
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,291
I'm gonna go colour-code
the hockey socks.
258
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,426
This guy's too good. I got nothin'!
259
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,897
There's no pattern here.
260
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,699
The guy's always one step ahead.
261
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,968
He's toying with me. I can feel it!
262
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,736
What do you want from me, huh?
263
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,372
What do you want from me?!
264
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,375
Hello? Sure.
265
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,476
DJ, it's for you.
266
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,512
Oh, well...
267
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:21,913
Hello?
268
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,481
I won't stop
269
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,316
until your shelves are bare.
270
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,318
I can never hear on this damn phone.
271
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:30,355
He... He won't pop
until the elves are there?
272
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,499
Ew...
273
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,158
No, I said I won't stop
274
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,528
until your shelves are bare.
275
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:39,264
Ah, damn,
I know this isn't what you're saying,
276
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,467
but you won't pop
until the elves are... are fair?
277
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,568
Shelves... shelves!
278
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,004
Like what you put your wares on.
279
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,273
I'm...
I'm so sorry, but, uh, any chance
280
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,909
you can ungarble your voice?
281
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,276
This is really challenging for me.
282
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,978
Hmph! That's not happening.
283
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,279
I get that, but...
284
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,882
You are the smiley face bandit,
though, right?
285
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,585
Yes.
286
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,187
I knew it! I knew it!
287
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,023
Uh, okay. Hey, listen,
I really wanna catch what you're saying.
288
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,959
Any chance you can text me?
289
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:10,762
Okay, fine.
290
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,697
Okay, my number is 746...
291
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,966
Uh, I don't have a pen yet.
292
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,978
- He doesn't have a pen.
- Okay, go.
293
00:12:17,014 --> 00:12:20,371
Um, okay. 746-555-0129.
294
00:12:20,405 --> 00:12:21,406
Talk soon.
295
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,541
Oh! Wow, that was quick.
296
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,711
He won't stop until
our shelves are bare!
297
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,779
Oh!
298
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,514
Oh, that makes sense.
299
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,516
Oh, no...
300
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,985
"Think you could tell us when
you'll be here next? LOL"
301
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,554
Have to try it, eh?
302
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,224
- Yeah.
- _
303
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,925
He's in the store. He's in the store!
304
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:43,528
Stay in the flow...
305
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,530
White on the left...
306
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,398
then the blues...
307
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,499
then the reds...
308
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,702
I'm looking to trade these in.
309
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,204
No, no, no...
310
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,539
I won't be tempted!
311
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,541
Stay in the flow, Keeran!
312
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,545
Stay in the flow...
313
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:04,748
Stay in the flow...
314
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,086
Oh, you smell so good. That perfume...
315
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,228
Hey, Cynth! Just in the flow!
316
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:44,122
That's him!
317
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,123
What makes you think that?
318
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,191
The cloak.
319
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,359
Oh.
320
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,597
- Gotcha!
- Are you DJ?
321
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:53,865
You know I am.
322
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,432
Here...
323
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,738
"Wrong again. ROFL."
324
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:01,940
Who gave this to you?!
325
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,076
I don't know!
326
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,541
What do you mean you don't know?
327
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,777
Some guy online paid me to deliver it!
328
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,479
Please, I'm sorry!
329
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,615
Son of a bitch!
330
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,750
He pay you to wear the cloak, too?
331
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,151
No. Why?
332
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:17,421
No reason.
333
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,658
Looks good on ya.
334
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,900
Oh my God... That's him!
335
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,044
You still at it?
336
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,379
Oh, yeah, I'm, uh...
337
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,781
been throwing with my left
hand just to challenge myself,
338
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,050
but I'll probably switch
over to my right hand soon.
339
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,418
Yeah, sure.
340
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,753
Ooh, bullseye!
341
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,054
Too much time at the pub.
342
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:52,123
Anyway, keep it up, bridesmaid.
343
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,258
Fine! You win, okay, Wayne?!
344
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,594
I'm not good enough, okay?
Are you happy now?
345
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,095
I can't do it.
346
00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:59,730
- What? I-I wasn't...
- I'm not a champion.
347
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,799
I'm a loser. Look at me.
348
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:05,235
I'm an Olympic medallist
and I still work retail.
349
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,538
I can barely make my rent.
350
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,207
The only brand remotely
interested in sponsoring me
351
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,010
dropped me after I yakked
up your brother's jizz juice
352
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,746
all over myself on national television!
353
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:20,485
I mean, I dedicated my entire
life to throwing a spear,
354
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,887
and I can't even hit a
target on a dartboard!
355
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,624
Okay?! I'm pathetic!
356
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,899
My dad was right.
357
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,368
Silver is for losers!
358
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,506
You know what? I'll move my car.
359
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,041
Geez!
360
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,311
He's outside!
361
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,646
I just saw him leave!
362
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,381
- Who?
- The Cheerio burglar!
363
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:51,516
Cheerio...?
364
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,984
He still thinks we sell cereal.
365
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,318
Freeze!
366
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,820
What seems to be the problem?
367
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,490
I saw you take a
three-pack of tennis balls,
368
00:15:58,533 --> 00:15:59,992
and I saw you put
your sticker there, too.
369
00:16:00,017 --> 00:16:02,693
- I don't understand.
- Well, that settles it, then.
370
00:16:02,731 --> 00:16:05,263
So sorry to bother you. Here's a coupon.
371
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,231
Wait, why are we giving up so quick?
372
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,733
Keeran said he saw the guy do it.
373
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,900
Do we not trust Keeran?
374
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,269
He has been...
a little distracted today.
375
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,339
And this nice gentleman
said that he didn't do it.
376
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,609
We don't want to throw
around baseless accusations.
377
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,145
They're not baseless.
They're base- full!
378
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,880
Like, I seen it with my own eyes!
379
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,849
Well, maybe your eyes deceived you.
380
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,217
What?
381
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,686
Cynthia, I know your heart
is in the right place,
382
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,020
but don't underestimate him.
383
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,889
This disabled man is perfectly capable
384
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,224
of being a filthy criminal.
385
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,926
DJ, my goodness!
386
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,762
I'm all out of coupons, so, uh...
387
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,896
here's a twenty.
388
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,164
Thank you.
389
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,232
God bless.
390
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,566
- Oh!
- No, but I don't...
391
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,902
Keeran said he's sure,
so if he said he's sure...
392
00:16:43,904 --> 00:16:44,970
It was him, I'm telling you!
393
00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:47,272
Oh my God!
394
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:50,508
- Oh my God!
- Oh!
395
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,044
- Are you okay?
- He ran into me! He ran into me!
396
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:54,112
- Are you hurt?
- Oh, God...
397
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:55,346
Are you okay? What...
398
00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:57,449
- I'm fine, just help me up.
- He ran into me!
399
00:16:57,493 --> 00:16:59,051
Oh, we are so sorry! We are...
400
00:16:59,062 --> 00:17:02,586
- Get in there.
- Wait... wait...
401
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:03,854
It was you!
402
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,322
Congratulations.
403
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,959
You finally got me,
you dense pieces of shit.
404
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,894
I'm the smiley face bandit!
405
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,328
Whoa!
406
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,330
Ahh! Love the name, by the way.
407
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,466
Oh, thanks. It just kinda came to me.
408
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,402
But... why?
409
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,569
Why OMT?
410
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,571
Because... you were open.
411
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,373
But lots of stores are open.
412
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:25,543
Literally,
every store in the Plaza is open.
413
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,278
It's just a cool line.
Don't overthink it.
414
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,446
What about the stickers, though?
415
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,681
They look just like me!
416
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,684
Wow, that's an absurd
conclusion to draw.
417
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,552
"You're so vain."
418
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:36,987
- Carly Simon?
- Carly Simon!
419
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,024
- Wow.
- My God.
420
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,092
What a tune.
421
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,758
Anyways, just wanted to say, uh...
422
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,296
Are you hurt?
423
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,464
Breathe...
424
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,532
Oof!
425
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,379
Oh!
426
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,014
Yes!
427
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,283
- Damn!
- Amazing!
428
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,617
Bullseye.
429
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,854
Whoa...
That was some throw, Jen!
430
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,456
Alright!
431
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,724
Now let's get that
thing out of his spokes.
432
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,861
I know he's a thief,
but the optics here are terrible.
433
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:17,929
Hmm.
434
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:19,263
Come on.
435
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,134
Guy just spilled something
on his crotch, you know?
436
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,335
Pardon me?
437
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,336
The repairman that's with my wife.
438
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,472
Just spilled something on his crotch.
439
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:29,807
- Ah.
- Nina's a helper.
440
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,342
Always has been.
441
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,410
That's awesome.
442
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,412
Any... tips on how to fold this thing?
443
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,814
First you take that lever...
444
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,549
and then you shove it up your ass!
445
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,051
Figure it out yourself, bozo.
446
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,053
I just wanted to say...
447
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,823
Thanks again for seeing the real me.
448
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,591
Hey, man, it's no... Augh!
449
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,493
That's going to leave a mark.
450
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,296
Oh... man! Always with the sack tap!
451
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:53,564
Kinda my move.
452
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,300
The stickers... and the sack tap!
453
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,971
I'll text you.
454
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:06,444
Well, that... is the last of them!
455
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,712
Aah!
456
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:08,848
Great job, team!
457
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,917
And a special shout-out goes to...
458
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,318
Jen Hauser,
459
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,720
who really proved her Olympic
'mettle' today.
460
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,756
Guess silver ain't so bad after all.
461
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,890
No, it is.
462
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,625
Guess you don't need security cameras
463
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,794
when you have a staff
as vigilant as ours.
464
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,596
No, you do.
465
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,064
Alright, let's go refill these shelves.
466
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,266
He got us good.
467
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,466
Which is terrible. Very upsetting.
468
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,801
Um... Keeran?
469
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,803
Uh, before you go, a little word?
470
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:33,871
Hmm?
471
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,208
I stumbled across some
secret security footage.
472
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,143
Hmm?
473
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,611
Could you explain this?
474
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,414
Oh, God...
475
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,049
We should meet in my basement next time.
476
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,485
I can't believe that I have to say this,
477
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,822
but intimate relations
with any of the merchandise
478
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,292
is categorically against store policy.
479
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,194
I'm so sorry, Cynthia!
480
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,230
Please do not fire me.
481
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:00,831
I'll buy the goalie pads! Huh?
482
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,099
Oh, please.
483
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,567
Consider them a gift.
484
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:04,578
Oh, Keeran...
485
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,971
I... love... you...
486
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:13,310
Go sanitize that section now.
487
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:14,578
Go!
488
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,714
Yeah, I'll be back in five.
489
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:21,918
Oh...!
490
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,988
Where'd this come from?
491
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,456
Wait, did DJ do this?
492
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:27,724
I... Oh, geez, yeah. Must have, yeah.
493
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,595
Who else would waste their money
on such a frivolous achievement?
494
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,862
Pfft!
495
00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:38,737
_
496
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,073
They let you have a phone?
497
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,342
"I snuck it in my butt."
498
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,412
TMI!
499
00:20:52,029 --> 00:20:53,618
"Come visit me"...?
500
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:57,521
I don't think so.
501
00:21:01,109 --> 00:21:02,827
"Suck my"...
502
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,898
This guy is a menace!
503
00:21:36,099 --> 00:21:38,138
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