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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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[MUSIC AND RUNNING WATER IN BACKGROUND]
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♪
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- ♪
- _
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♪
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♪
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[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING NOISE]
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[MUSIC BECOMES MUFFLED]
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[NEAR-SILENCE]
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EDDIE: [VOICE] Will you make me
the happiest man in the world?
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GWEN: [VOICE] Yes!
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EDDIE: [VOICE] Can you please
wear that negligee I bought you?
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- Oh, which one?
- I dunno, like the one I ripped off you
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last time we boned?
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Excuse me, I forgot my, uh... vape.
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I mean, what do you suppose I say?
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"Hey, Gwen, Eddie's cheating on you?
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Eddie's a giant cheating McCheater..."
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[GWEN BREATHING EMOTIONALLY]
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MAN:
You gonna be on the machine a while?
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I'm trying to decide...
[QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
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Oh, sorry, I can't hear you.
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I'm... I'm deaf.
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I take my hearing aids out to work out
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so the sweat doesn't kill 'em.
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[QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
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[RINGING NOISE CONTINUES]
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[MUFFLED MUSIC]
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[DJ BREATHING HEAVILY]
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How long... are you gonna be?
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I don't know sign language.
I'm sorry, dude.
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Wait, you're deaf...
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but you don't sign?
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[LAUGHS]
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That doesn't make sense.
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Are you lying to me?
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Yeah, heh.
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♪
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Okay, people...
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Our lovely colleague,
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the incomparable, the unstoppable,
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the one, the only Jen Hauser,
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is competing in the Olympics today!
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[APPLAUSE]
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WAYNE: Yeah,
she continues her epic quest
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to see how far she can
throw a giant toothpick.
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Wayne! I'm tasking you
with setting up the TV
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in the break room.
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We can't miss a minute of this,
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especially after she worked herself
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to near death to get there.
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She makes me feel like
I can do anything.
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Never let that light die, Keeran.
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Light? I think
the word you're looking for is...
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Someone broke into my gym locker,
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stole all my possessions,
including my hearing aids,
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my back-up hearing aids,
and my post-workout banana
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- I was really looking forward to!
- CYNTHIA: Oh!
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I feel naked without my hearing aids.
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And my clothes.
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This is my nightmare, guys.
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Even with lip-reading,
I'm gonna catch maybe 15%
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of what you guys are saying.
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- Can't you just...
- [RINGING NOISE]
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- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
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Did you say "home"? "Go home"?
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'Cause yeah, no, I can't do that.
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My keys were in my bag, too, so...
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Uh, yes, Keeran?
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- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
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Didn't catch that,
but it's about the body hair, yeah?
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_
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Yeah, I know. It's a lot.
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NAT: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
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Why did I just see Sasquatch here
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running down the street in a towel?
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- DJ was robbed!
- Nat, I've been robbed!
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Maybe you can track 'em down,
get my stolen stuff,
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since you got a car
and so much free time.
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Espionage?
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That's my middle name.
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[QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
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_
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_
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[RINGING NOISE CONTINUES]
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- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
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- I'm on it.
- Are you tracking me?
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Where'd you get that photo?
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Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Baby bro...
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_
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_
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Did she just call me baby bro?
I'm older than her...
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Shh, shh, shh! Baby bro, let's go...
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get you some clothes
from the lost and found.
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♪
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DJ:
Stupid things are giving me a wedgie.
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I don't wanna hear it.
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Which works out great, since I can't.
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CUSTOMER: Um...
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- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
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_
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Uh, uh...
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CUSTOMER: Thanks.
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DJ: Thanks for shopping
at One More Time. [NERVOUS LAUGH]
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Dude, I suck at being deaf,
like "deaf" deaf.
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I can't help customers.
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I can barely communicate with my team.
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I really needed to talk to Gwen today
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and there's no way in
hell I'm doing that now.
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_
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_
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It was a hard enough conversation
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without the whole being
deaf as shit thrown in.
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_
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I need to... clean my hair?
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"Clean my hair"? There's no way.
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Clear... Clear the air!
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Clear the air. Yeah! Woo! Nice.
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[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING IN BAR]
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[RINGING NOISE]
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MAN: Excuse me. Excuse me!
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[RINGING NOISE]
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Hello?
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_
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[COUNTRY MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
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ANNOUNCER:
[TV] It was a tough year for...
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CYNTHIA: Hey, what are you guys doing?
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KEERAN: Wayne's writing "Go, Jen, go!"
on my face.
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Oh, great team spirit!
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Ah, she should be up any minute.
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I hope so.
I've been watching athlete interviews
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for the last hour.
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"Oh, I overcame Crohn's and
raised 10k for the cause!"
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Ugh, get a job.
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An hour?
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You know you're still
on the clock, right?
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Here you go. All done, Keeran.
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Go, Jen, go!
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- Ugh! Go clean your face.
- No, no, she's up.
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ANNOUNCER: And there's Canada's
underdog, Jen Hauser,
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warming up before her
first of three throws.
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You can see the look of stern
determination on her face,
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or is it... oh, no! Oh, dear...
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- What's happening?
- ANNOUNCER: She seems to be coughing.
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- No, gagging!
- [LOUD GULP]
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ANNOUNCER: She's taking a sip
of an energy drink, though.
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All better!
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No, not all better!
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Jen Hauser of team Canada
has spewed what appears
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to be chunky vomit all over the field...
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Wait...
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ANNOUNCER: and it's still coming!
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Are those penises on my face?!
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WAYNE: Yeah.
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DJ: Eddie... Hey.
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Uh, I actually don't have my...
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[DOOR SHUTS]
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I'm such a mess, bro.
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Can you believe that...
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- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
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[RINGING NOISE]
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_
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_
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Eddie, I can't hear you.
I lost my hearing aids.
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I'm getting a little bit by lip-reading,
that's all.
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[PHONE BUZZING]
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Uh...
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Hello?
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_
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I cannot wait to, uh,
put the lien on the home.
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Uh, hang on a sec.
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Hey, DJ, can you really not hear?
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[RINGING NOISE]
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Okay...
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Anyway, baby, when I said "lien,"
I meant "peen,"
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as in penis, and... Oh, you got that?
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[RINGING NOISE]
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_
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Burger Sheikh's your client?
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[CLEARS THROAT] Really great guy.
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Eddie, listen...
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- You should know, at the bar I heard...
- [SNAPS] DJ...
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when I find the person who told Gwen...
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- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
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EDDIE: Yeah.
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Just to be clear,
did you say when you find out
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who told Gwen you're gonna...
you're gonna kill them?
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_
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CHRIS: It's really about
personal preference and comfort.
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- You know?
- Chris, please tell me...
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sorry to interrupt; I'm deaf.
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Chris,
please tell me you didn't tell anyone
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that I told Gwen that
Eddie was cheating on her.
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_
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[SIGHS] Good.
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'Cause Eddie told me he's
gonna kill whoever told Gwen.
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_
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What? Why?
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[RINGING NOISE CONTINUES]
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DJ: "Drove to airport. Lull in convo."
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00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:37,021
No...
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Did you call
'cause you saw me vomit on TV?
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You vomited on TV...?
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I mean, yes,
that's exactly why I'm calling.
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Are you okay?
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- Yeah...
- [CROWD CHEERING OUTSIDE]
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I'm, uh... feeling the pressure.
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Either that or the...
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[RETCHING] man drink...
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Well, if anyone can overcome...
all that...
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it's Jen Hauser!
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You got this.
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We're all behind you.
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While I have you,
did you happen to tell anyone
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00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,583
about the whole Eddie cheating thing,
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00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,818
and specifically that I told Gwen?
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[VOICE BREAKING UP] I didn't...
con... I'm not...
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00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,557
you know, huh?
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00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,659
CHRIS: [CHOPPY VOICE] We got...
bad connection.
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00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,462
Jen, just write in the
chat if you told anyone.
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00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:21,098
Please, this is important.
It's a matter of life or death.
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Cynthia...?
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00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,834
Dammit.
223
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,605
- Why?
- _
224
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,139
These lulls are killin' me!
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00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,541
Damn. Eddie's gonna gut you like a pig
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00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:33,077
and mount your head like a moose.
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00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,080
ANNOUNCER:
[TV] Up next is Canada's Jen Hauser.
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00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,015
Hope she's recovered after
that harrowing warm-up.
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00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,328
- This is her first of three throws.
- Come on, Hauser!
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00:08:39,363 --> 00:08:40,952
- Let's do it!
- Wow, Wayne,
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surprisingly supportive.
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00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:44,655
Oh, yeah.
Gimme a trip, a slip, a rotator rip.
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00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:45,790
Something, you know?
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00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,125
One fail was great, but two fails?
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Ooh, that would bring tears to my eyes!
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And ears to my podcast.
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ANNOUNCER: Hauser's in place
preparing to throw, and...
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00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,398
What's this? Oh, dear... oh, no!
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00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,967
An errant toss from the discus
field is heading her way!
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00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,569
- Dear God, Hauser, move!
- Move... move!
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00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,904
ANNOUNCER: For the love of God,
Canada's Jen Hauser, move!
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- [LOUD THWACK]
- [JEN GRUNTS]
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00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,774
[ALL GASP]
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00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,076
ANNOUNCER:
Jen Hauser does not complete her throw.
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00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,878
We'll be back after
this commercial break.
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00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,114
Okay, I didn't want that.
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00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,715
Hello? The Olympics?
248
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,917
Uh, connect me
to the medic tent, please.
249
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,586
Cynthia, I need your help!
250
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,321
Eddie said he's gonna
kill whoever told Gwen.
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That's me.
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00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,191
And Chris told Jen, and Jen told you,
253
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,560
so I need to know exactly who you told.
254
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:23,962
Oh, boy.
255
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,664
It is always the nice guys who commit...
256
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,734
- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
257
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,006
What I got from that, I didn't like.
258
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,208
CHRIS: Uh, I'm out of ink.
259
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:37,276
I'll get another marker
and be right back.
260
00:09:37,334 --> 00:09:38,477
CYNTHIA: Oh...
261
00:09:38,543 --> 00:09:40,945
This is super important.
Cynthia, please.
262
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,079
[QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
263
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,282
Oh, oh, oh!
264
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,984
Charades?
265
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,152
Book.
266
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,220
Dan brown book club! Uh, Bible study?
267
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,422
Church group. Church group!
You told your church group!
268
00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:52,423
_
269
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,959
I know. My whole life
is a game of charades.
270
00:09:55,032 --> 00:09:56,528
- CYNTHIA: Fair enough.
- All good!
271
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,530
Let's get outta here.
Cynthia, please text Chris the address.
272
00:09:58,544 --> 00:10:00,267
CYNTHIA: Okay.
273
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:05,369
♪
274
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,105
Hi. So sorry to interrupt,
275
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,474
but we're on a bit of
a goose chase here.
276
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,710
Our co-worker let a story
slip about a guy named Eddie
277
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,547
and a guy named DJ and a gal named Gwen.
278
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:16,847
Does this ring any bells?
279
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,583
And if so, did you repeat it to anyone?
280
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:19,917
Especially the DJ part.
281
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:23,454
The Eddie fellow who
cheated on his fiancee.
282
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,356
[RINGING NOISE]
283
00:10:25,359 --> 00:10:28,627
- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICES]
- _
284
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:37,068
[RINGING NOISE AND
INDISTINCT VOICES CONTINUE]
285
00:10:38,364 --> 00:10:40,068
_
286
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,773
WOMAN: Yes, I told my son.
287
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,375
[RINGING NOISE]
288
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:46,434
_
289
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:50,715
[IN SLOW-MO] God... damn... it.
290
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,651
I'm so sorry.
291
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,220
Gosh darn it.
292
00:10:56,289 --> 00:11:00,158
[SPY MUSIC]
293
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:04,762
♪
294
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:08,866
Natalie Espionage James,
you've done it again.
295
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,469
[LINE RINGING]
296
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,438
Cynthia, I just tracked DJ's
phone to a bar off Caven.
297
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:17,108
I see four leather daddies.
I'm goin' in.
298
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,242
Caven?!
299
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,913
That is the clubhouse
for Beelzebub's brethren!
300
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,182
- Kinky.
- Not kinky!
301
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,184
Well, actually, a little bit kinky.
302
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:31,255
They are the third-most violent
gang in southwestern Ontario!
303
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,925
Okay, hell no. There's no way.
304
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,993
DJ can just do, like,
a fundraiser or something
305
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,195
for new hearing aids,
'cause I'm not risking my life
306
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,031
for that twat waffle, so... [CHUCKLES]
307
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,468
Good, good choice, Nat. Play it... safe.
308
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,003
Safe, safe, safe, safe!
309
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,940
Of course,
you used to be able to sneak in and out
310
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,741
through the window with the red curtains
311
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,076
and the broken latch.
312
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,879
It's around the corner
from the blue door, but...
313
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:58,483
that took some real steel lady balls.
314
00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,951
- [LOUD CRUNCH]
- Go on...
315
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,420
If you did go in,
you would get past the guard,
316
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,021
Little Petey, no problem.
317
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,124
He is always napping on the job.
318
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,893
You can't miss him.
Giant sleep apnea machine.
319
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,830
Next, you'd pass Sweet Rita.
320
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,031
She is a real battle axe.
321
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,367
Tell her that you are "the Mailman."
322
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,703
That's code for "a friend of the gang."
323
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,104
What about the real Mailman?
324
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,173
He is "a friend of the gang."
325
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,776
If they spot you,
you text me, "chirp, chirp!"
326
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,811
And I will find you.
327
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:29,781
Hey, Cynthia?
328
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,115
Is it worth it?
329
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,385
[SIGHS] If not for the thrill alone,
I mean...
330
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,786
Woo!
331
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,322
NAT: If I don't make it back,
332
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,991
promise me you'll tell DJ that...
333
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,993
[SIGHS] I know I'm
hard on him sometimes,
334
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:44,863
but it's only because...
335
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:47,665
he genuinely annoys me.
336
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,867
[SNIFFLES] I will tell him!
337
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,137
Well, well, well!
338
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,072
If it isn't the Korverton ca...
339
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,542
- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
340
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,277
...cutoffs!
341
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,613
I... I'm sure
this is a top-notch insult,
342
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:02,980
but I lost my hearing aids.
343
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,949
I have no idea what
you're saying right now.
344
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,084
Damn! You're capital-D deaf?
345
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,453
Yo, gimme that.
346
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,623
DJ: Ca... py... bara...
347
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,393
Korverton capybara?
348
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,861
- Okay.
- No bueno?
349
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,429
I mean, it's not your best work,
350
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,964
but I appreciate you accommodating me.
351
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,900
Listen, I need to know:
352
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:25,069
Did you tell anyone that I
told Gwen about Eddie cheating?
353
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,605
[RINGING NOISE]
354
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,884
- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
355
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,243
- You didn't tell anyone?
- No.
356
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,511
No one?
357
00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:35,880
Thank God!
358
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:39,984
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
359
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,919
Oh! Oh...
360
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,054
Oh... muah!
361
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,591
I'm not gettin' murdered today!
362
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,759
Oh, thank God! Oh...
363
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,828
Get off of me!
364
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,666
I value loyalty above everything.
365
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,734
That's why I despise you!
366
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:58,937
And that snake in the grass, Chris.
367
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,438
You fired me!
368
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,140
Oh, look who decided to show up!
369
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,409
Chrissy wissy pussy pants!
370
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:06,945
Huh?!
371
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,780
I didn't catch any of that.
372
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:10,748
[CLIPBOARD SNAPS]
373
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,151
Okay.
374
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,187
So you wanna trade in... bras?
375
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,324
Huh?
376
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:20,024
No, sport...
these are sports bras, okay?
377
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:23,227
These are painful reminders
of how much I love Gwen.
378
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,096
I can't even bear the
sight of these things.
379
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:28,099
- Oh... oh!
- No, no, how did that get in there?
380
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,968
Ahh, that's...
that's my sister's, so, uh...
381
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,636
I think I should run this by DJ.
382
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,538
No, no, he's good, man.
We're bros, okay?
383
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,705
Why don't you ask him?
384
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,906
DJ: Man, today was rough...
385
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:36,974
Hey, DJ?
386
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,642
But I think I managed pretty well.
387
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:39,710
KEERAN: Hey, hey, DJ!
388
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:40,813
With a little help from my friends,
of course.
389
00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:42,717
- KEERAN: DJ, DJ...!
- And my enemies.
390
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:43,848
- KEERAN: DJ...!
- Carlito's commitment
391
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,583
to accessibility is commendable.
392
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,151
Ah, hey, DJ!
393
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,387
- [QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
- _
394
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,189
Yeah, yeah... heh. Good job, Keeran!
395
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,424
EDDIE: That's what I'm talkin' about.
396
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,625
Vape bros for life.
397
00:14:54,641 --> 00:14:55,646
I love you.
398
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,928
Yo, Cynth! I got the hearing aids.
399
00:14:57,964 --> 00:15:00,298
Oh... Boom!
400
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,466
Madame Mailman here
infiltrated the gang.
401
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,868
It turns out it was a
drug deal gone wrong.
402
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,404
They just hit up the wrong locker.
403
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,173
Almost made it out,
but then I got made by Sweet Rita,
404
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,408
and I just bolted.
405
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,344
Jumped in my car, gunned it here, and...
406
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,279
Damn, what a rush! [LAUGHS]
407
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,647
You are a natural.
408
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,916
Thank you.
409
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,817
By the way, I got some sad news.
410
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:20,951
Uh, Little Petey,
411
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,954
he's been dead now for 14 years.
412
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,288
Died in his sleep.
413
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,489
Oh, sleep apnea?
414
00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:26,524
Murdered.
415
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:27,926
Pretty brutally. [CLICKS TONGUE]
416
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,127
DJ!
417
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,661
NAT: Deej! Deej!
418
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:33,297
DJ! DJ! Deej!
419
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,898
Ugh, God.
420
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,701
- DJ!
- Don't...!
421
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,169
Oh! Ow!
422
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,704
[ENUNCIATING] Bag!
423
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,773
Nat! Thank you!
424
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,174
NAT: Everything's in there.
425
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,609
Hearing aids, back-up hearing aids.
426
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,243
My post-workout banan...
427
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,779
Sure, your banana's in there, too.
428
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,447
Those bastards...
429
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:52,716
Your weird listening device thingy.
430
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:56,720
[QUIETLY] Listening device...?
431
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,990
EDDIE: [VOICE] Wear that
negligee I bought you, please!
432
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,124
Which one?
433
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,559
EDDIE: I dunno, the one I ripped off you
434
00:16:01,564 --> 00:16:03,995
last time we boned?
435
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,697
Excuse me, I forgot my, uh...
436
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,799
vape. [ECHOING VOICE] Vape, vape...
437
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,934
Hang on one second.
438
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,803
God, I missed you, Simon.
439
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:12,904
You too, Garfunkel!
440
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,372
Muah, muah, muah!
441
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,373
EDDIE: Were you spying on me?
442
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:17,975
Deej, do you even vape, bro?
443
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,077
[RINGING NOISE]
444
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,079
Five, four, three...
445
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,347
[QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
446
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,981
[HUMMING]
447
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,549
[QUIET, INDISTINCT VOICE]
448
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:26,751
And we're back!
449
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:27,952
[LOUD THWACK, ALL GASP]
450
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,053
[DJ FALLS TO FLOOR]
451
00:16:31,638 --> 00:16:32,824
CHRIS: Come on, man, wake up!
452
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,193
- KEERAN: DJ, say something!
- CHRIS: DJ, DJ!
453
00:16:34,281 --> 00:16:34,997
CYNTHIA: DJ!
454
00:16:35,049 --> 00:16:37,429
EDDIE: Guys,
he can't even hear good, okay?
455
00:16:37,516 --> 00:16:40,431
- GWEN: DJ!
- Am I... in heaven?
456
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,099
- [HARP MUSIC]
- Are you okay?
457
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,567
- CYNTHIA: Gotcha.
- CHRIS: Take your time.
458
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,303
EDDIE: Babe...
are you really gonna believe
459
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,104
what some deaf dude heard over me?
460
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,573
That's like taking an eyewitness
account from Stevie Wonder!
461
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,975
DJ: Gwen, you gotta believe me.
I know what I heard.
462
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,144
Oh, no. No, no, no.
463
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,945
Wow, I've never actually
said that before.
464
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,047
You should have stayed down...
465
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,148
NAT: Hey! Get over here!
466
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,449
Ohh! Ow, ow, ow!
467
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:01,052
I got him, Deej!
Take a free shot while you can!
468
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,853
Nat, you always do this. I had him.
469
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,255
- I was just about to...
- DJ?
470
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,523
I believe you.
471
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,193
EDDIE: Babe!
472
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:10,928
Babe, come on, it's me.
473
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,330
It's your Eddie Teddy.
474
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,264
Come on...!
475
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,400
This is bullshit.
476
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,868
GWEN: No, Eddie, this is bullshit!
477
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:24,208
He's in here.
478
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,742
I went through your contacts.
479
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:29,080
And I texted Burger Sheikh, Serrano's,
480
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,348
Taco Chime, and Ethos.
481
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,417
Got your usual.
482
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,885
Why do you have the
Ethos guy's number saved?
483
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,421
Because it is delicious!
484
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,358
Anyway, babe, baby, bb, boo boo...
485
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:41,726
Stan... Hear me out, okay?
486
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,828
You told me I was your one and only.
487
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:44,929
Yes, I know, I know...
488
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,730
But you've been eating
out all over town!
489
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,866
WOMAN:
You told me I was saved as Taco Chime
490
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,901
because my hoo-ha made
your dick go dong!
491
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,538
EDDIE: Yes! It does, baby!
I promise you, I just...
492
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,573
Not totally, but, like,
I can explain everything.
493
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,741
- You are going to pay for this!
- Okay...
494
00:17:57,811 --> 00:17:59,577
We're gonna make you pay for this!
495
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,412
ETHOS GUY:
Someone's gotta pay for this...
496
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:04,048
EDDIE: You know I'm sorry
to drag you into this, Stan!
497
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,516
Gwen, I... uh...
498
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,119
[BOTH SIGH]
499
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,187
Do you wanna...
500
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,324
WAYNE: I think Jen's about to throw.
501
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,426
Come quick! Come quick, come on!
502
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,064
KEERAN: Hey, Wayne, what's a hoo-ha?
503
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:21,532
WAYNE: So innocent.
504
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,135
I've been watching inside
the medic tent updates,
505
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,737
and after two painful hours they
finally cleared her to throw.
506
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,340
CYNTHIA: Oh,
thank God she is not badly injured,
507
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,275
but you really should be working!
508
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,876
I will! She's up, she's up.
509
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,946
ANNOUNCER: [TV] This Canadian
hopeful just won't stay down,
510
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,948
but I guess nothing else could
possibly go wrong, right?
511
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,184
Although that distant storm
cloud does look ominous.
512
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,953
Anyway, Hauser steps up,
513
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,588
lifting her javelin with determination,
514
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,758
high into the air,
an aluminum rod held aloft,
515
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,093
a steely beam pointed to the skies!
516
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,229
[THUNDER CRASHES]
517
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,296
WAYNE: Oh!
518
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,365
[ZAPPING SOUND AND JEN GROANING]
519
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,500
[BODY HITS GROUND]
520
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,403
ANNOUNCER:
A devastating blow for team Canada.
521
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,373
- Is Jen... dead?
- Oh...
522
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:03,441
ANNOUNCER: But wait!
523
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,709
Ah!
524
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,677
ANNOUNCER: Jen Hauser is
rising up like the undertaker
525
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,145
and stumbling over to her javelin!
526
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:09,814
Oh, good heavens!
527
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:13,317
DJ: Fancy running... after you here.
528
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,985
[GWEN CHUCKLES]
529
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,120
DJ: May I?
530
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:18,222
GWEN: Yeah.
531
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:19,590
[SNIFFLES]
532
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:21,325
Ah!
533
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,929
I'm sorry I blurted out
about Eddie cheating,
534
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,597
all 75 times.
535
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:30,668
I wasn't trying to hide it from you.
536
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:35,472
I debated it, but only
'cause I didn't want to hurt you.
537
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,808
You're not the one who hurt me.
538
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:42,880
I can't believe I didn't see the signs.
539
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,148
I feel so stupid.
540
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:47,251
No, no, you're not stupid.
541
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,120
And if it makes you feel any better,
542
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:51,555
you're talking to the guy who
ran through several playgrounds
543
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,658
in just a towel this morning.
544
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,192
[LAUGHS] What kind of towel?
545
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,028
What kind of towel would make it okay?
546
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,096
None.
547
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,998
That does make me feel better.
548
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,702
Hey, didn't you get
all your clothes back?
549
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,838
How come you're still rockin' the jorts?
550
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,109
This is who I am now.
551
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,512
Ah. [CHUCKLES]
552
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,147
ANNOUNCER: In a stunning turn of events,
553
00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:19,182
Jen Hauser is quite
literally back from the dead,
554
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:22,153
and incredibly,
cleared to throw by the doctor.
555
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:23,988
What kind of doctor, you ask?
556
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:24,998
Don't.
557
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,723
- Probably a naturopath.
- Western medicine.
558
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,959
ANNOUNCER: Here she goes for
her third and final throw.
559
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,495
Hauser lets go of the
javelin and it flies...
560
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:32,563
Whoa, is that...?
561
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,532
- DJ: Go, Jen, go!
- ANNOUNCER: Yes, it is!
562
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,268
Hauser has just thrown 65.73 metres,
563
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,002
edging out Latvia by a hair!
564
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:41,138
That's right, despite food poisoning,
565
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,975
a severe concussion,
and a smiting from God himself,
566
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:48,686
Jen Hauser from Canada places
second at the Olympic games.
567
00:20:48,721 --> 00:20:51,482
- [ALL CHEERING]
- Oh my God!
568
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,551
[ALL EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY]
569
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,286
That's almost first!
570
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,687
CYNTHIA: She did it!
571
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,622
I mean, it almost killed her,
572
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,092
but Jen achieved her Olympic dream!
573
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:02,727
GWEN: Incredible.
574
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,628
I wonder when we'll ever see her again.
575
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,330
Tuesday. She's in at noon.
576
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:07,898
Yeah, she took my shift.
577
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:13,904
♪
578
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:19,110
♪
579
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:25,116
♪
580
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:29,987
♪
581
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:34,458
♪
582
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:38,168
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