Original subtitles

Can you smell these for me? A customer said they were off.

I'd be honoured.

Oh, yeah, these are rancid.

Huh.

I'll take them off your bill!

Thank you for lending me your nose.

I'll stick my nose in your rancid anything

anytime you want.

What?

Excuse me!

I'm looking for the most beautiful girl in the world!

Here she is!

Can I steal you for a second, mon cheri?

- Oh! - Yeah!

- Hey, DeeJ. - Eddie.

- You didn't have to... - I know!

Woo!

Oh, Jesus.

You okay?

Of course. Why wouldn't I be okay?

I dunno. I noticed Eddie

whisk Gwen away with those flowers...

then I noticed that single tear rolling down your cheek.

I just ate a rancid wing. That's a salmonella tear.

My bad.

Looked like a Gwen tear to me.

A Gwen tear? Gwen's just a friend.

And as a friend, I'm happy she's with Eddie.

- Gwen Gillian Ganatra? - Mm-hm?

You know that you're the light to my dark,

and you're the beef to my Stroganoff.

You are the A$AP Rocky to my Rihanna.

Oh my God!

Wait, so he's Riri?

Will you make me the happiest man in the world?

Will you marry me?

Yes!

She said yes!

Another salmonella tear?

Uh...

No, that's... that's a Gwen tear.

It's gonna be alright, big guy.

Hey, Wayne. I'm going on my break now.

Uh-uh, I was gonna go on my break now.

But I will rock, paper, scissors you for it, if we must.

I thought this was your break.

No, this is my pre-break, wherein I eat 25 cheese singles

in preparation for the break I'm gonna need

once these singles hit my system.

And once the tryptophan kicks in I go on my post-break.

I thought tryptophan was only in Turkey.

It's in everything, dude! Open your eyes!

Fine, I'll rock, paper, scissors you for it.

Okay, on "shoot," yeah?

Rock, paper...

Shoot.

Ooh, sucks, buddy, but don't ask for 2 out of 3, 'cause I...

I won't, you win. Bye, Wayne.

Hello, I'm Keeran.

I'm single and I'm totally available to help you.

Hello.

Our family has just moved here from Iraq

and we want to have our first Canadian experience...

ice skating!

Ah, like a Tim Horton's commercial come to life.

Yes! Anyway, you have skates?

Of course. I'd be happy to help you

with any and all of your Canadian needs.

Right this way.

It's simple. One skate sharpen, one punch.

Two skate sharpens, two punches.

Ten skate sharpens...?

- Ten punches. - Incorrect!

Don't worry, made the same mistake my first day.

Classic Cynthia gotcha.

Gotcha!

It's one free sharpening.

I love how old school it is.

Well, actually,

I have been dying to just take this online,

but DJ says that you can't automate loyalty, so...

here we are.

There's actually some truth to that.

No, actually, there's Visa, Ikea,

Subway, Starbucks, Uber Eats...

How do you like working for him?

- With him. - Oh, my bad.

I just thought you were assistant manager.

I might be the "assistant manager,"

but it's pretty 50-50 around here.

I do the accounting, payroll, purchase orders...

What does he do?

He is the good vibes guy.

Hmm!

Morning, DJ.

If you say so...

So you do everything?

You said it, not me.

- Should I... - Oof!

- Uh... - Uh...

OMT, please call back at a less mortifying time, thank you!

Oh, Chris, I am so sorry.

It... it was nothing.

No, it is your first day.

I am kissing your lips?

Like some kind of a... a brazen hussy?

Oh, well...

Oh, this is something, alright!

I'm gonna have to file an incident report

with HR immediately.

- Who's HR? - I am.

Oh.

Well, then maybe you can let yourself off with a warning?

It was an innocent mistake.

Oh, that was far too memorable to just be innocent.

- But why was it mem... - Ah, hush-hush-hush!

I appreciate what you're trying to do for us, Chris,

but the cover-up is worse than the crime.

Hey. Your ball's getting away.

It's a metaphor, dude.

The ball is Gwen.

Bring it in.

Oh, honestly, no, you don't have to do this, buddy.

I'm okay.

No, I really do. You're a shell of a man.

Okay, easy, I'm not...

No, I'm feeling your traps, bro,

and it is knot city back here.

But don't worry... All that's gonna go away

because I set you up with a lunch date.

- A lunch date? - Mm-hm.

Oh, that's really nice, but I'm not gonna be able to make it.

What? Why not?

'Cause I'm in mourning, dude!

Hey, I know it hurts, but Gwen's getting married now...

and you guys were never together!

That is... true.

Oof!

Plus, everyone knows, if you wanna get over somebody,

you gotta bone someone else on your lunch break.

That is true.

'Atta boy!

See ya at lunch.

Wait... you're not gonna do my lower back?

Hey. Boundaries, man.

Wayne? Wayne? Wayne!

I'm in love.

Yeah, egregiously so.

You know, it's very un-profesh to flirt with the customers,

my coquettish friend.

It's not un-profesh when it's a story

we're gonna tell our kids!

Oh, you naïve, ambulatory boner.

Do you actually think her parents are gonna let

their daughter date someone outside their culture?

That is so racist!

Is it racist, or is it reality?

Or is it both?

Chew on that.

Oh, hey. Uh, ready to cash out?

Uh, thank you for your help.

Truly my pleasure. Now, I don't wanna impose,

but I'm about to go on my lunch break.

How would you guys feel about having a conceived,

born, and bred Canadian take you skating?

That sounds very nice.

Hey, remember, just be yourself,

and be back before my post-break.

How would you like to pay?

- What's up, buddy? - Yo, what's up, homie?

Oh, she's right over there.

Shit...!

Hey, you must be...

Uh, actually, I don't even know your name.

I'm DJ.

You're... deaf?

And you don't talk?

I don't know sign. I know, uh, "thank you."

"Nice to... meet you"?

"Spicy"?

Hmm.

Gimme one second, okay, please? Just... sit?

Just... stay?

"Stay"?

Stupid...

So, what do you think?

Did you just set us up 'cause she's deaf?

What, no! Dude, I did it 'cause she's hot!

- She's... striking! - Mm-hm!

I mean...

But I can't communicate with her.

- I don't even know her name. - Oh, it's Marie.

Yeah, she's here for some work conference thing,

but her colleagues told me she's a blast.

I just don't see any way this is gonna work out.

Hey, 8th grade, you were stuck in the bathroom for 24 hours.

What'd you do to survive?

Look me in the eyes. Tell me what you did!

- I drank the toilet water. - That's right!

And then what'd you do after all the water in all the bowls

was gone 'cause you drank it all?

- I drank my own urine... - Yes!

You figured out a way.

Yeah, why don't you just write to her on your phone?

You can't automate romance, Josh.

Yeah, you can: Tinder, Binge, Bumble, Grindr,

- Uber Eats... - I got an idea!

Thanks for doing this, Jen. Huge help.

I welcome the opportunity to flex my sign muscles.

My teacher says I'm improving at an Olympic rate.

Well, let's work your magic and get you on the podium!

Hello, Marie.

I'm Jen.

I'm an athlete...

...obviously.

I started in the sport of javelin

after a freak accident

- involving my leg bone... - Hey, Jen, Jen.

...going all the way through my shin...

- Can we just talk...? - Oh, she's replying.

You're never gonna believe this, but...

I think Marie is signing in French.

You're... French?

Huh!

Behold our home and native ice rink!

- It's beautiful! - It sure is.

Did you know that Canada's oldest ice rink

dates back to 1897?

Which I know is a mere tadpole

compared to the age of Mesopotamia.

I did not know that history!

Many more timbits where that came from!

Come on, let's go.

Phew!

So, can you understand any French sign at all?

- I mean, sign is sign, right? - No.

Respectfully, DJ, sign isn't sign.

I know American sign language, ASL.

Marie knows French sign language, LSF.

But...

How do you not know there are different sign languages?

I mean, it's vaguely familiar, but I wear hearing aids.

I grew up in a hearing family.

I'm not "capital d" deaf, you know?

Well, looks like you're capital shit outta luck.

Someone else just swooped in.

You know what? I'm happy for her.

He looks like a nice guy.

Oh, wait, they're signing!

I think it's just a colleague of hers.

Maybe he can interpret!

Oh! You're up, buddy.

Okay...

Oh, Chris! Good, you're here.

HR policy states that we just have to watch

this sexual harassment training module together,

and then, presto, boom, kazaam!

This mess is behind us,

and nobody has to tell their husbands.

I... wasn't gonna tell anyone.

Show time!

So, you've crossed a line in the workplace.

I'm here to change that.

- Okay, this is perfect. - Is it?

Let's start with language

that is not okay in the 21st century.

Blackmail, lame, spirit animal, cray-cray, tone-deaf...

"Cray-cray" is out?

Wow, my first interpreter centipede!

Hell, yeah!

Can't wait to eat up what they dish out,

and then I'll dish it out for you to eat up.

Alright!

Hello. I'm Jen.

I'm an athlete...

...obviously. Um, I started in the sport...

Jen, I appreciate you,

but for the love of God, come on.

You gotta be kidding me.

What's he saying?

You're never gonna believe this, but...

I think he's interpreting from LSF to BSL.

- What's BSL? - British sign language!

Well, what's the problem, then?

That's like an accent thing, right?

No big deal? Good day!

No, DJ.

BSL is a whole other language entirely.

It might as well be GSL.

- What's that? - Greek.

This is unbelievable.

Well... can you at least get a read

on whether she likes me or not?

Yeah, no, I cannot.

Okay, the important thing to remember when skating

is to put one skate in front of the other.

- Okay. - Like this!

Oh, like this?

Oh!

Yeah, it's a lot like the Iraqi dance, uh, uh...

- Chobi! - Oh! Yeah?

Only on ice and with blades, of course.

Oh, you know the Chobi?

Yeah, big fan! Come on, guys.

Let's go.

I gotta be honest, Jen.

It feels like the universe doesn't want me and Marie

to be together.

I think I'm gonna throw in the towel.

Hey! What are you, a quitter? She hasn't left yet,

which means maybe, just maybe, she is actually into you.

That's true...

Huh!

Plus, aren't you always the one saying never give up?

I'm touched that my inspirational words

spoke to you enough for you to speak them back to me,

but I still don't see how we're gonna make this work.

So, this is my sign teacher, who knows ASL and a little BSL.

Hello, hi.

Thank you so much for coming on your lunch break.

She says... "No problem!"

Alright, let's do this!

Phew! Okay.

So, Marie, do you come here often?

Ah.

No.

Huh.

Cool.

You know Wayne Gretzky, our country's, uh...

Younis Mahmoud, started skating at age two?

His skates are in the hockey hall of fame,

which I'd skip school to show you.

It's a real must-see.

Whoa!

You guys are real naturals!

Hold on, I'm coming, I'm coming.

This is a beavertail pastry,

named after the beaver and her mighty tail.

It's like our kleicha.

Now, I've never tried Iraq's unofficial cookie,

but I've been meaning to.

We'd be happy to make you some!

You better not be lying!

So, uh... what kind of doctor are you?

A podiatrist.

Podiatrist?

That's very impressive.

Whew!

This is really painful, right?

Yeah, it's not not painful.

- These one-word answers are... - Are a nightmare?

What are you, an awkward Amish teen on Rumspringa?

You gotta ask her some open-ended questions!

Oh. I got a good one.

- Alright. - Oh, yeah.

Here it comes.

Marie, who would you say, in your opinion,

is a better doctor, Dr. Scholl or Dr. Ho?

And why?

That was your good one?

Well, she's a doctor. I thought...

No? No good?

It's not great.

What's she saying?

I dunno, but she doesn't look thrilled.

Yeah, that I got...

Uh... Marie's upset you called her a "ho."

Ho?!

No, no, no, no, no! I didn't call her a ho.

Yeah, not according to her.

Not a... Dr. Ho!

Tell her! Dr. ho!

I think I made it worse!

Oh my God, you definitely made it worse!

What are you signing?!

I don't know! I'm new at this! A lot of these signs are going

- way over my head! - I thought your teacher said you're progressing

- at an olympic rate! - Well, I lied, okay?

- I lied! - Why'd you lie?

Because I have a deep desire to be the best.

Oh my God, this is a visual cacophony!

Why would you ask her about Dr. Ho?

I don't know, okay? I fell asleep watching an infomercial last night!

Uh... no slut!

No slut!

Slut, strumpet, street-walker, tart, whore.

It's illegal!

Oh, dear God!

What have we done?!

What happened?

We slept together, that's what happened!

And I liked it...

I cannot emphasize this enough: It's nothing.

Nothing?! This is not nothing, okay?

Oh, jeez, the last time I got caught up

in something like this,

I almost got three fingers cut off!

- By DJ? - In Caracas, by the jefe's wife.

I gotta report this to HR immediately!

Oh, man!

Oh my God, I humped your chair!

Oh!

So you're a predator now, ugh!

Hey.

Sorry that didn't end in true love.

Who are you signing for?

Oh, my bad.

I think I finally found my groove.

Nice.

It's all good. It was a fool's errand, anyway.

You can't bring a tongue to a finger fight.

Well, I'm gay. We bring both.

Touché.

Marie? Hey... I'm really sorry.

Listen, I didn't...

Not "listen." Shit.

I was just, uh, looking for a way to communicate with you,

and I... I'm sorry I... I screwed it up.

And... you're not...

No?

One second.

Uh...

Peace offering?

I think you're...

Spicy!

Hey, Chris. Got a minute?

Uh, I was just trying to clean this up.

You know, do my job.

Great initiative.

Take a break.

I filed that second incident report with HR.

Oh. What was the verdict?

Policy dictates we now take a three-day

sexual harassment seminar...

in Niagara Falls! Ha!

The romantic capital of North America?

That sounds really unnecessary and kind of expensive.

Don't fret about cost.

I mean, HR is willing to use up all the points that I set aside

for a trip to Milan with my husband

so that we could save our careers.

- Cynthia? - Yeah?

Both of these incidents were nothing.

I think you're blowing this out of proportion.

You... you really believe that?

I do.

Can we please let this go?

It's my first day at work and I would love...

to just move on.

Huh!

Uh, maybe I did just get a little carried away

just trying to do the right thing.

Well... you meant well.

So, shall we reset and never speak of this again?

Never speak of what again?

Ha-ha!

Yeah!

Oh!

Oof!

Is this also nothing?

Um...

This feels like something.

If anybody wants me, I am in Niagara Falls!

Thank you very much, Keeran.

This was a great experience.

My pleasure, Fam.

Anytime you want a free skate, you know who to call!

Uh, hey, Rana, can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, sure.

What's up?

Um, as salaam alaikum.

I was just wondering if, uh, you wanna dine out sometime on me,

or if you wanted to stay inside, uh, maybe I could make you some,

uh, quzi or maqluba, or, uh, some... baytinijan?

- No. - No?!

I can't.

But thanks for hanging with my parents.

They loved it.

Oh my God.

Wayne was right.

Look, uh, Mr. and Mrs. Hassan,

I know our cultures are very, very different,

but I'm in love with your daughter.

I'll do anything for her.

I'll protect her. I'll honour her.

I'll even convert to Islam for her.

We are atheists.

This has nothing to do with our culture.

Oh... So, what's the problem?

The problem? Ha! How do you say...?

She's a 10 and you're a...

- 6. - That's it.

Also, it seems like she's not, um...

How do you say, um...?

- On the market. - Yes.

Very good.

That... was...

incroyable!

Can I see you again?

Phew...

Jen... You sure this is cool?

I mean, this feels a little wrong.

Hey, if accessibility is wrong, we don't wanna be right.

She says she doesn't do long-distance.

What?

You sure that's what she said?

Positive.

I know you can't hear it,

but this guitar solo is tremendous.

- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com