Original subtitles

(thunder booming)

(dramatic music)

(jungle animals clamouring)

(insects buzzing)

- There they are!

I made those marks last year.

Just look at it, I knew I was right.

It's a Yellow Roth.

- And are you sure

it's the only one of its kind in the world?

- Of course.

(monkeys howling)

It's supposed to be worth at least a 100,000 pounds.

- I know someone who'll pay a lot more than that.

- Please don't get caught.

- I'll phone you the moment I get home.

- This is our crowning achievement, Madeline.

It'll flower again in 12 months' time.

Perhaps now is the time to call it a day?

- Oh, you've been saying that for as long as I've known you.

- But this time I mean it.

- We'd miss it, Jimmy, it's exciting!

(fist knocks)

- Madam, taxi here.

- Thank you.

(dramatic music)

(cheerful upbeat music)

(people laughing)

- Roll up, roll up and try your luck, ladies and gentlemen!

Only a pound a ticket or six for a fiver.

No, I'm sorry, ladies.

If you haven't got a zero, you haven't got a prize, okay?

Maybe next time.

Roll up, roll up, ladies and gentlemen,

and try your luck!

Only a pound a ticket or six for a fiver.

Six tickets for a fiver!

Wonderful value here, wonderful prizes too.

Captain, wanna try your luck?

- Put me down for a fiver.

- Good man, so wait till I get your winning tickets

to the top, remember if you've got a nought,

you've got a winner.

One, two, three, four, five, six, there you are.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- 60, I've won, Barnaby, I've won.

- So you have, Captain.

Let us see what you have won.

There you are.

- Oh no, not the bloody tea cosy.

I won that thing last year!

Look, this time, be a good chap,

pop it in with the compost would you?

- Roll up, roll up, try your luck, try your luck!

Wonderful, wonderful prizes, ladies and gentlemen,

a pound a ticket!

(Mrs. Maitland faintly speaking)

- Yes.

Stand by your beds, here they come!

- Hello, good afternoon.

(crowd applauding)

Let me introduce my research assistant, Jonathan Makepeace.

And together we'd like to congratulate

the Midsomer Malham Orchid Society

for yet another magnificent display.

And I'd like to thank Munro Hilliard

for hosting this wonderful show

in his perfectly elegant Malham Manor.

(crowd applauding)

But before we hand out the prizes Jonathan here

has got some very exciting news for you.

- Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure

to announce a single Monkey Orchid

is growing again in a wood on the downs.

- [Crowd] Ooh!

- We need volunteers to mount a 24-hour vigil

to protect it from poachers while it's in bloom.

Your chairman, Mr. Hilliard, has offered to organise a rota.

- I'll volunteer, Mr. Hilliard.

- Good show, Mrs. Maitland, and if any more of you

would care to give me your names

before the end of the day, I'd be most grateful.

Now, it's over to you, Professor Winstanley.

- Well, goodness, the judging wasn't easy this year,

but the winner of best plant in show goes to

Captain Tucker for his miniature cymbidium.

(crowd applauding)

Congratulations, very well-earned.

- [Captain] Thank you, Professor.

- Second prize goes to Mr. Hilliard

for his Phalaenopsis Follett.

(crowd applauding)

- Well done, Munro.

- And third prize goes to Mr. Plummer's Dendrobium nobile.

(crowd applauding)

- It was a close run thing, Mr. Plummer.

- Yeah, well, we live to show another day, don't we.

- We do indeed.

- Hm, oh.

- Well, ladies and gentlemen,

I think I can speak for all of us

when I thank Professor Winstanley

for giving so generously of her precious time.

Thank you.

- Thank you. (crowd applauding)

It's been a pleasure, I'll see you next year.

(cheerful upbeat music)

- Only a poxy third.

- You mean you were beaten again by Munro Hilliard?

- Pompous old twit, just 'cause he owns the place

he thinks it's his right to win.

Yeah, well he only came second and he was gutted.

- Well, you know what I think about your bloody orchids.

Just fancy, overpriced weeds,

and if you buy any more you're gonna ruin us.

Can't you grow something we can eat?

(dramatic music)

- How's it going?

- Still a bottle of Rioja's left, if you wanna try for it.

(Joyce chuckles)

- Congratulations on yet another

botanical extravaganza, Mrs. Barnaby.

- Oh, thank you, Miss Villiers.

- Can I tempt you to the tombola?

It's a pound a ticket or six for a fiver.

- Yes, of course.

250, that's a prize, isn't it?

- It certainly is.

- Thank you, Baedecker's Guide to Switzerland.

How wonderfully serendipitous.

Thank you, Mr. Barnaby!

(suspenseful music)

- You know, I've got something at home

that you would literally kill for.

- Is that a fact?

- You'd re-mortgage your manor house here

and its grounds, just to get your hands on it.

- The Hilliards don't have mortgages, Henry, excuse me.

(birds squawking)

- I've done my horticultural duty for today.

I'm off to London for some excitement.

You're gonna ruin us, you know.

How much did that one cost?

- It's priceless.

- Well, don't expect me back for breakfast.

(horn honks)

(sombre music)

- Madeline!

Good morning, Socrates.

Madeline, it's me, Harry!

(dramatic music)

(woman screaming)

(siren wailing)

- Did you touch anything, Harry?

- No, 'course not, I only come here to change a heater.

Look, aren't you gonna cover her up or something?

- Morning, sir.

- Morning, Scott.

- This is Harry Rose, he's the local handyman.

- Builder, decorator, plumber and electrician,

if you don't mind.

- Yeah, that too, he does some odd jobs for Miss Villiers.

He found her.

- [Tom] Would you mind waiting outside please.

- No, course not.

- So we've got an old woman's list,

suitcase, passport, Swiss money.

Cancel papers and milk, hide safe key.

- [Tom] Could it have been a coronary?

- Well, Harry Rose called the local plod and he called me

'cause he couldn't work out what these stains were.

But he thinks she might have topped herself.

(sombre music)

- She won this book on my tombola stand.

- So we've got something old,

something very new, hmm,

a borrowed library book, and something blue.

Think she was going to Switzerland to be married?

- [Tom] Married?

- Yeah, and if it all fell through?

- What, she was jilted?

- It's a reason for her to kill herself.

Oh, come and have a look at this, sir.

Hide safe key.

Think we should open it, sir?

- Yes, we should, did you find the key?

- No, sir, Rose doesn't know where she kept it.

But with these old things you don't need one anyway.

- Really?

(quirky music)

Where did you learn to do that?

- School of hard locks, sir.

- Oh joy, a diary, hmm.

(speaking in foreign language)

My Latin's a bit rusty, Scott,

but I think this is saying something rather rude.

- Ancient history?

- No, no, no, it's this year's diary.

This year's, this month's, this week.

- She is a goer, isn't she.

- Well, she was, do you wanna see?

- No, thank you, sir, Latin wasn't on the syllabus

at my local Comprehensive.

- But safe breaking no doubt was?

Oh, an account book by the looks of it.

And one not intended for inspection by the tax man.

Not with all the sums written out in Roman numerals.

We need to get this stuff translated.

George, seen the body?

- Yes, and I presume this is part

of the crime scene as well?

- Eh, no, not exactly.

Sergeant Scott has got a unique

but highly effective way of opening a locked safe.

Come on.

How long has she been dead?

- Certainly since last night.

So what makes you think it's anything but natural causes?

- Well, we've got these stains here.

- Take a statement from Rose will you,

see if you can trace her next of kin.

George, how's your Latin?

- Purely medical I'm afraid, you want a translator?

Brother Robert up at Midsomer Abbey is your best man.

And the bonus is his bees

produce the best honey I've ever tasted.

(bees buzzing)

- Harry Rose reckons she's got no next of kin

'cause she told him once she was adopted.

She was a classics teacher at Midsomer Ladies College,

retired now of course.

- What about Rose?

- He works for just about everybody in the village.

- Hmm, services everybody in the village.

- Yeah, that too, sir.

(gentle music)

- Brother Robert?

Brother Robert, good morning, sir.

- [Brother Robert] Hi.

- I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby,

and this is Detective Sergeant Scott.

We've come about the translation?

- Oh, yes, the translation.

They won't sting you, young man, if you keep still.

(Scott sneezes)

Bless you.

Cymbidium, odontioda,

phalaenopsis, paphiopedilum.

These are all orchids.

An odontioda orchid was sold for 500 pounds

to a C.M. on the 6th of September last year.

- 500 pounds for a flower?

They must be barking.

- You need an expert for this.

- Any suggestions?

- Do you know Professor Winstanley?

- My wife does, she came to judge

the flower show the other day.

Now, Brother Robert, I'm afraid this diary contains,

well, lurid details

of rather robust sexual activity.

- Really, hmm.

(speaking in foreign language)

I see what you mean.

Saturday, we satisfied ourselves like street dogs.

We drank wine and did it again and again.

Last night, I shudder to recall, he was impotent.

Tomorrow therefore, I shall arouse him

not only with my endearments but with a potion.

- Perhaps it's a little unfair given your calling,

Brother Robert, to ask you to translate this stuff.

- Not at all.

(bell tolling)

Time for vespers.

I'll let you know what progress I'm making, goodbye.

(sombre music)

- Thank you.

(jaunty music)

- I'm terribly sorry, Inspector.

We had a crisis with our strelitzias.

(Scott sneezes)

- Well, these are beautiful, aren't they?

- This collection was started by Sir Wilfred Hilliard,

a great traveller and plant collector,

the grandfather of the current president

of the Midsomer Orchid Society.

I'm sure your wife must know him.

- Oh, I'm sure she does.

- Jonathan, come and meet,

but you've met already, haven't you?

At the Malham Flower Show?

- Yes.

- Good morning.

- Now, I take it you both knew Miss Madeline Villiers?

- Knew?

- Yes, knew, oh, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings.

Miss Villiers was found dead yesterday morning.

- Dead, that's terrible!

- But she was at the flower show.

- Yes, she was, she gave you three of my tombola tickets.

And it seemed to me you knew her quite well.

- Well, yes, we both did.

- Madeline admired Jonathan's devotion to our orchids.

- Just that?

- Well, and I also advised her on her magnificent garden.

- I can't believe she's dead.

- Me neither, it's, it's awful.

(Scott sneezes)

- Sorry, it's hay fever.

- Oh, let's go into the office.

- This is very kind of you, thank you.

- I'm intrigued.

Goodness me, it appears that Madeline

has been selling some of the world's rarest orchids,

for considerable amounts of money!

Look at this one for example, a phragmipedium kovachii.

That's from Peru, it's an incredibly rare plant.

Sold on the 10th of July

to J.K. for VXCIX,

that's 5,999 pounds.

- And a Neofinetia falcata variegated

to C.P. for 50,000 pounds!

- No!

- 50 grand for a flower?

- Rich old Japanese men collect them,

the little white flowers, amazing leaves, beautiful.

- Yeah, but 50 grand!

- There it is.

- Good God, Jonathan, look at this!

Paphiopedilum rothschildianum flavum.

- Flavum doesn't exist anymore!

- Oh yes it does, according to this.

- Paphiopedilum, what is that?

- It's a slipper orchid, from paphos, meaning slipper.

It refers to the shape of the bottom petal.

- A Yellow Roth, I don't believe it!

- Sold to H.P.

for 150,000 pounds!

- Who's H.P?

- At that price it's probably Harry Potter!

- Or Henry Plummer?

(bird squawking)

- Henry?

(suspenseful sombre music)

Henry?

Henry?

(dramatic music)

(Deborah screaming)

(people speaking indistinctly)

- [Tom] How long's he been dead, George?

- [George] More than 36 hours.

- Looks like he'd been out to dinner.

- Perhaps the bill didn't agree with him, sir.

- Mrs. Plummer?

I know this isn't easy, but please bear with us.

Can you tell me, when did you last see your husband alive?

- [Deborah] Around 7:30 on Saturday night.

He was going into town to see this play,

well, some floozy actress actually.

- And where did you go, Mrs. Plummer?

- Me, I went up to London.

I got back yesterday after midnight.

Got up late, and when I saw that his bed

hadn't been slept in, I went looking for him.

- Have you any idea why?

- Yes, I'll show you.

(dramatic music)

When I left this place

was full of the most beautiful flowers.

Only a madman would do a thing like this.

- Looks like it's been sprayed with something, sir.

Weed killer?

- Do you think this is why your husband committed suicide?

- I don't know, but orchids were his passion.

He certainly loved them more than he loved me.

- Can you think of anyone who would want to destroy

your husband's orchid collection?

- I was never part of that world.

- I couldn't help noticing at the flower show,

you know, it's very competitive, isn't it?

- Orchid growers are jealous to the point of lunacy,

but no orchid lover would destroy

the very plants they idolise.

And Henry's orchids didn't come cheap.

- They certainly did not.

I've reason to believe that your husband

recently paid out 150,000 pounds for a very rare orchid.

Did you know anything about that?

- 150,000 pounds?

Where'd he get that kind of money from?

- Well, I don't know, I understood he was retired.

Still, there must be considerable equity in this house.

Maybe, you know, he?

- This was my mother's house, the last thing

I wanted to do was to come back and live here.

Henry may have been ready for retirement, but I'm not.

- Could he have raised a loan against it?

- He may have been reckless but not that reckless.

- Mrs. Plummer, are you sure you don't know anything

about this very rare orchid?

- No, I don't, but if it ever existed,

it's probably perished along with the rest of them.

Will you excuse me?

(sombre suspenseful music)

- What's wrong, Harry?

- I didn't think it was right to tell you on the phone.

I can't make this any easier, Mr. Fong, she's dead.

- Dead, how can she be dead?

I spoke to her only last week.

(sombre music)

- I found her sitting in this chair

that morning dressed in a Greek costume.

She looked very peaceful.

- Where is she now?

- The police took her.

She had her bag packed ready to leave with you.

They took that too.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Who did this?

- [Harry] The police, they took the books with them as well.

- Where's the orchid?

- Well, she sold it like you told her to.

- She was a remarkable woman, Harry.

And I know you took good care of her, thank you.

- [George] She was poisoned by hemlock.

- Hemlock?

- Conium maculatum, great favourite of the Greeks.

In fact, an infusion of hemlock

was used to kill Socrates in 399 B.C.

- A bit before my time, Mr. Bullard.

- So she'd booked a flight to Switzerland.

Suitcase was packed, she was about to be married.

- She was looking forward to the honeymoon, as well.

- Pardon?

- Well, I was thinking of the knickers, sir.

- Hmm, course you were.

But I agree, it's a scenario

that can't include suicide, can it?

But a million quids' worth of smuggled orchids?

Now that would be a very good reason

why someone would kill her.

I tell you what I'd really like to know, George,

is if our Mr. Plummer here really did hang himself.

I think it's time we paid a visit

to the chairman of the Midsomer Orchid Society.

We may have an orchid war on our hands.

Thank you, George.

- What knickers?

- Yes?

- I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby,

this is Detective Sergeant Scott.

- What have you come to inspect?

- Is Mr. Hilliard at home please?

- I'm afraid not.

- Where would he be then, Jeeves?

- He's on the downs, on orchid patrol.

(jaunty music)

- Are you sure this is the right place, sir?

- Yes, I am.

This is Pie Crust Down, that is Pie Crust Woods,

and they're in there somewhere.

Watch your feet.

- You there, keep still!

- What the...

- Don't move, I said!

- Just calm down, sir!

- Don't step back, keep still!

Aw, imbecile!

- [Captain] Idiot!

- Why didn't you stand still?

First time it's flowered in five years,

and you've trampled it to death, you idiot!

- Sorry about that.

- Now I know where the expression

flat-footed copper comes from.

- And you sir, Mr. Hilliard, isn't it?

You could find yourself in jail

for threatening a police officer

with a lethal weapon, put it down.

- It's about as lethal as I am.

- And that could be more lethal than you think.

As I seem to have found a quorum

of the Midsomer Orchid Society out here on manoeuvres,

I'll take this opportunity to tell you

that another of your members, Henry Plummer, is dead.

- Henry's dead?

- Good God!

- And somebody destroyed not one, for which I do apologise,

somebody destroyed his entire orchid collection.

Anybody any idea who could have done that and why?

- Plummer was a parvenue,

desperate for a reputation among real orchid growers.

But he bought his plants rather than grow them himself.

I'm sorry the poor man's dead but, well,

he wasn't exactly the most popular of our members, was he?

- No genuine collector would destroy a single orchid,

let alone an entire collection.

- Unlike Mr. Flatfoot here.

- And where were you on Saturday night, Mr. Hilliard?

- Having dinner with the Lord Lieutenant of the county,

in the company of my wife, if you really want to know.

(suspenseful music)

- Thank you for that, thank you very much.

- Something here, sir.

Our Miss Villiers took three trips to Borneo

in the last 12 months and one to Peru.

- Borneo and Peru?

- It's not bad for a retired school teacher.

- No, it is not, on my pension I'll be lucky

to get as far as Bournemouth.

- Oh.

- [Tom] Ooh, still, we are not without influence

at her travel agents, are we?

- Hello, Dan, what can I do for you?

One way ticket to Rio?

- Why would I go to Rio

when it's all kicking off in Midsomer?

(Cully laughs)

We found this in Miss Villiers' passport.

We think she had an account here.

- Yes, well she may have, but all our records

are confidential under the data protection act.

- (exhales) I'll see you later.

- Where are you going?

- I'm gonna get a search warrant.

- Dan, I'm sure we can find a way around it.

Come sit down.

Just don't tell anyone about it, that's all.

- Cross my heart and hope to die.

Nice uniform.

- Right, Madeline Villiers, she was a frequent flyer.

Last year she went to the far east three times

and South America and Borneo earlier this year.

- Oh, now that's very interesting.

- What is?

- Well, this account's also used by Mr. Jimmy Fong.

Got an address for him?

- No, but he was due to fly into the UK

from Bangkok last Saturday.

- Saturday, that's the day of the Midsomer Flower Show

and the day Madeline Villiers was killed.

Thank you, Cully.

Tell you what, if you print this out for me,

I will buy you lunch.

- Sounds nice.

- [Dan] Mm-hmm.

- Come in, please.

You are her sole executor, Mr. Fong.

Please sit, Miss Villiers

has left you her entire estate

on condition that she is cremated

and her ashes scattered as orchid fertiliser,

I always found that quite odd,

on the slopes of Mount?

- Kinabalu.

- Where is that, exactly?

- Borneo.

- Aah.

- What happened to the books they took out of her safe?

- We'll make sure the police pay for the damage

and restore them to their rightful owner, you.

- Now it looks as if all the money Miss Villiers

made from selling the orchids

was paid into this Swiss bank account.

- Yeah, yeah, go on, go on.

- Yeah, well, we know she sold the Papa--

- Paphiopedilum.

- That's the one, for 150,000 grand,

and yet only 25 of it was paid into her account.

- Hmm, which means that 125,000 pounds

could still be unpaid, doesn't it?

And if the buyer were indeed Henry Plummer,

and if the orchid were destroyed by someone

before he's even fully paid for.

Maybe Henry Plummer was going to sell

on the orchid at a profit.

- And you reckon someone clobbered him first

and then strung him up to make it look like suicide?

- We may be looking for a third party here Scott,

someone who killed Henry Plummer for his orchid.

- And then burned the rest of the collection

to cover his tracks?

- Who else knew that Henry Plummer had that orchid?

- Well, if I was a gambling man, sir,

I'd put a couple of quid on that toff, Hilliard.

- No, no, if he said that he and his wife

had dinner with the Lord Lieutenant

on the night of the murder they probably did.

I'd like another look around Miss Villiers' cottage.

(suspenseful music)

(birds squawking)

- [Dan] I suppose we could always...

- Get a warrant you were about to say, Scott?

- Yeah, exactly, sir.

- Oh, it's you lot.

- What are you doing here?

- Me, I'm just finishing a job

she's already paid me for, new outside tap.

- Mr. Rose, how very honourable of you.

- [Dan] You got a key?

- No, the solicitor's locked it all up.

- What a lovely garden.

- Yeah, young fella comes in to do it,

he's a university student into plants.

- Come and have a look at this, sir!

Is this anything to do with you, Harry?

- No, it's not my department,

but I do know that stuff's deadly.

It's got sulfuric acid in it, don't touch it.

Told ya, you're supposed to dilute it

one part to a hundred.

- It wasn't you who poured this stuff

on Henry Plummer's orchids, was it?

- Me, I wouldn't touch that stuff with a stick.

- Get a sample of that, Scott,

for Georgie Bullard to analyse.

Mr. Rose, what do you know about hemlock?

- Now that I do know about.

That's hemlock.

- How do you know?

- She told me, it's poisonous.

Something to do with some old Greek she was keen on.

Name of Socrates, got a bust of him indoors.

- How do you turn this into a poison?

- No idea, it smells like mouse pee if you crush it.

Madeline, I mean Miss Villiers, kept a bottle of it

just in case she got one of them debilitating diseases.

Look, I've gotta get on.

I've got a wiring job in Causton in an hour.

- Where'd you learn all these decorating

and building skills, Harry, in prison?

(suspenseful music)

- I'm a lifer out on licence.

But I think you know that already.

- I thought you had that look of the old lag about you.

What'd you go down for?

- Manslaughter, for which you've served what,

eight years, I believe.

- I did a mini-cab driver when I was drunk.

But I'm clean as a whistle now.

And I had nothing to do with her death.

- We're not suggesting you did.

- I've built up a nice little business,

I've kept my nose clean.

I don't wanna go back inside.

- Where do you live?

- Causton bail hostel,

and if you wanna go on living there, Harry,

I'd like to hear everything you're not telling us

about the late Miss Villiers.

- Well, she wasn't the righteous spinster

everyone thought she was.

- So I believe, and apart from your good self,

who visited her in the last few days?

- I'm not here all the time, you know,

but I did notice a pizza box

and a couple of lager cans in the incinerator.

(suspenseful music)

- A present from old Socrates, Mr. Rose?

- I'm pretty sure it's a hybrid.

Yes, here we are.

That's the one.

- Oh yes. (clears throat)

That's a nice flower.

- My phalaenopsis?

They ooze glamour, don't you think?

They add a sort of, I don't know, sexiness to a room.

Yes, I'm right, it's the hybrid,

also known as the Bardo Rose.

- Ah, Rose.

- Well, it's not actually a rose--

- No, no, no, Madeline Villers

employed a handyman called Rose.

Do you know that man, Professor?

- Harry Rose, indeed I do.

Harry's an absolute godsend

to a good number of people in the neighbourhood.

(siren wailing)

- Come up with some interesting info, sir.

- [Tom] Yeah?

- Yeah, Miss Villiers' account in Switzerland

was shared with a bloke called Jimmy Fong

who's been making withdrawals.

- Jimmy Fong, who he?

- (chuckles) I dunno, but he also shares

a travel agent's account with Miss Villiers,

and he flew in three days ago from Bangkok.

- My god, her smuggling partner, perhaps?

- Chinese maybe, trips to the far east.

Could well be.

- And with all this money at stake,

maybe there was a falling out among thieves.

Where is he now?

- I dunno, but he'll soon be very short of dosh

because I've just frozen their joint Swiss bank account.

- How did you manage that?

- Well, once upon a time, sir, there was a Swiss copper

from the fiscal police, nice feller, family man.

Anyway, he got into a bit of bother

with a prostitute and then I got him out of it.

- You never cease to amaze me, Scott.

Can you amaze me some more by tracking down this Jimmy Fong.

Hey, how's Brother Robert getting on

with his diary translation?

- (sighs) Let me put it this way, sir,

up at the abbey they still tell the time with a sundial.

Perhaps we should've asked Professor Winstanley?

- Yes, we should, I think we'll find

she knows much more than she is telling us.

- Yeah, so no doubt you'll be going

to see her again for another word?

- Yes, indeed I will.

- Are you sure you'll be safe, sir?

- So what is it about these plants

that turns collectors into criminals?

- Addiction, obsession, mania,

call it what you will.

Personally I'm attracted

both to the peculiar and the erotic.

Take this Paphiopedilum sanderianum here.

Just look at its luscious folds,

that perfectly round glistening pouch.

Did you know that orchid is a Greek word meaning testicle?

- Is that a fact?

- Do you see what I mean?

- (clears throat) What does Mr. Winstanley

think of your passion for orchids?

- He walked out on me years ago.

- Does the name Jimmy Fong mean anything to you?

- Fong, of course, he's a notorious orchid smuggler.

The Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species

have been after him for years.

- Did you know that he was involved with Miss Villiers?

- I'm intrigued, but I had absolutely no idea.

- With all due respect, Margaret,

I think you are holding something back.

- I never hold anything back.

- Venous engorgement, enlargement of the vein

above the point of injury and cyanosis.

See the blue discoloration of the fingertips?

- So he was strangled first

and then hung up to make it look like suicide, yeah?

- And what about the weed killer?

- Yes, it was in pretty common use 20 years ago, I'm afraid.

Banned now, of course, and I'm still awaiting test results.

Oh, that old bottle did contain hemlock.

(phone ringing)

- Oh, excuse me, gentlemen.

Hold on, Charlie.

- Thank you, George, thank you for that.

- Yeah, go on, Charlie.

What, nothing at all? (sighs)

All right, thank you.

There is no one by the name of Fong

at any of the B&Bs or hotels within 50 miles of here, sir.

Perhaps he's gone back to Bangkok already.

- Yeah, maybe he has, if he had come all that way

to kill Miss Villiers.

But what if he'd come over to marry her?

And how do you think he'd react if he arrived early

and caught her in flagrante with Henry Plummer perhaps?

- Well, it would certainly cure his jet lag, sir. (chuckles)

- Perhaps the floozy actress was actually Miss Villiers,

and our Henry Plummer was repaying some of his debt in kind.

- Yeah, and if he was 125 grand shy in the kitty,

I think the Chinaman might want his orchid back as well.

- I'd like to hear the merry widow sing some more.

(pensive music)

- Looks like the handyman's got his hammer out already, sir.

(doorbell ringing)

- Good afternoon, Mrs. Plummer.

- Please come in.

- Thank you.

- Have you come to tell me you're going to release

Henry's body so that I can arrange the funeral?

- No, it's not gonna be as easy as that.

It appears that your husband's death

was not suicide after all.

- It wasn't suicide?

What are you talking about?

♪ And leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Give me the moonlight ♪

♪ Give me the girl ♪

♪ And leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Give me a shady ♪

- Mr. Rose.

- Inspector.

- Supporting Mrs. Plummer in her darkest hours I see.

- Harry's helping me with Henry's belongings.

The good stuff goes to Oxfam, the rest in the incinerator.

(Deborah crying)

- Strangled, oh my God!

Who on earth would strangle Henry?

- Well, that's what we're trying to find out.

Mrs. Plummer, on the night of your husband's death,

you drove to London, didn't you?

- I did, I left at around about quarter to eight.

I went to a club, and then I stayed

with some friends in Chiswick.

- And those friends, they'd vouch for that would they?

- (scoffs) You're not suggesting it was me are you?

- Well, you yourself suggested

that you lived separate lives.

- So what, sleeping in separate beds was a luxury.

- How was your husband's relationship with Miss Villiers?

- What relationship?

- Did he ever visit her?

- Are you suggesting?

Why would he visit a dried up old spinster like her?

- What about Harry Rose?

Will he be moving in when all this is over, Mrs. Plummer?

- What sort of person do you think I am?

My husband's been murdered, damn it!

Harry may be very good at practical things,

but that's as far as it goes!

(phone ringing)

Hello, oh, just a moment, Spencer.

As it happens, this is my solicitor

who's sorting out the probate.

Now, if you want to talk to me further

I'd like him to be present.

Now you can either wait until he gets here

or you can see yourselves out.

- [Tom] Mr. Rose!

- Look, I'm in a rush.

I've gotta get this to the Oxfam shop

in Causton before it closes.

- Not only musical, but virtuous too.

Look, I'll tell you what, Mr. Rose,

why don't you call in to Causton police station

when you've done all this, for a little chat?

- Just to tie up a few loose ends, Harry, that's all.

- Round about four o'clock, all right?

- Whatever you say.

(sombre music)

- What have we here?

Excuse me, sir.

We're Causton C.I.D.

Are you Mr. Fong, Mr. Jimmy Fong?

- Me, no, I am Weng Tu Ho

from Happy House Chinese restaurant in Causton.

Do you want to order something?

- What's in the box?

- Crispy duck with pancake and barbecue sauce, very tasty.

You welcome any time.

- That's a big car for an errand boy.

- Isn't it just?

Check out this Happy House restaurant.

- So if you are the real Weng Tu Ho, sir,

can you tell me who the man with the black BMW is please?

- I don't know, he don't give me no name.

Maybe Jimmy Fong, maybe not.

- Yeah, maybe, why is this fella, whose name you don't know,

Weng, why is he delivering Chinese food for you?

- He was eating Pearl River special lunch here

when takeaway motor bike got flat tyre, a big mess.

So this man say he has got car, he go himself.

- Just like that?

- Just like that, we Chinese always help each other.

- That's very noble.

Can you tell me where he is now please?

- I don't know, he bring takeaway money back, then go.

Maybe he come back, maybe not.

- Now, Mr. Rose, the weed killer

found in Miss Villiers' shed

matches that used to kill Mr. Plummer's orchids.

- Well, it's got nothing to do with me.

- Maybe Deborah asked you to do it as a favour?

- Oh no, she didn't.

- So your favours are just sexual, are they?

- Well, yeah, we do it from time to time.

She gets off on being laid by an ex-con, would you believe.

- Did Deborah ask you to kill her husband?

- No, it's got nothing to do with me, I swear!

- What about Miss Villiers?

Did you have a relationship with her too?

- Look, after eight years of being inside

I had a lot of catching up to do.

And her lover lives abroad and she needed the practise.

Like she said, use it or lose it.

- What about Miss Villiers' orchid smuggling?

What do you know about that?

- Well, I found her the Wardian cabinet

so she could put her plants in it

when she came back from abroad, that's all.

- What about the orchid she sold

to Mr. Plummer for 150,000 pounds?

- 150 grand for a plant?

You're having me on!

(suspenseful music)

- Scott, Mr. Rose seems to be suffering

from some kind of amnesia.

- Yeah, I tell you what,

there are some very good psychiatrists

working in prison these days.

I'll just let the licence board know about him

being involved in a murder investigation.

- Look, I don't wanna go back inside.

All right, I admit,

I knew about the Yellow Roth.

Madeline, Miss Villiers, was livid

because Henry Plummer only coughed up 25 grand.

She said if I went round to Plummer's house

and got it back, she'd give me 50 quid.

- And did you?

- We're wasting our time here, sir.

I say we put him back inside.

- All right, keep your shirt on.

I did go round to Plummer's house about 10 o'clock,

and there was no one there.

But I was already too late, everything was ruined.

- Including the Yellow Roth?

- Well, from what I saw, that was shrivelled up as well.

150 grand's worth of plant zapped just like that.

- Then what did you do?

- Well, I legged it, didn't I?

I phoned Miss Villiers,

but when she didn't answer I went home to the hostel.

Next morning I found her dead.

Never did get the 50 quid.

- Okay, Harry, I don't think for a minute

that you've told me the whole truth,

but I don't think any useful purpose

will be served by locking you up.

You're free to go.

- Thank you very much, sir.

(dramatic music)

(Munro screams)

(Munro grunting)

- That took some force didn't it?

- It certainly did.

- [Tom] Who found him?

- The butler, Feather.

Constable Charles has already taken his statement.

But, Tom, take a look at this.

(suspenseful music)

- Something missing, something taken?

- We thought he'd fallen asleep in there.

He does sometimes, it's so warm and cosy,

and he's got his father's old deck chair.

But when he didn't come in for tea

Feather went to see where he was, didn't you, Feather?

- Yes, ma'am, I found him.

- Mrs. Hilliard, had your husband

recently acquired a new orchid?

- I don't suppose it matters now that he,

yes, yes, and he was terribly excited about it.

This one was so frightfully rare, even unique, he said.

- And was that orchid

the Paphiopedilum rothschildianum flavum, the Yellow Roth?

- Yes, how did you know?

- And for which he must have paid a great deal of money.

- Munro can afford to indulge, Mr. Barnaby.

Like his father and his grandfather before him,

he was addicted to orchids as others are addicted to drugs.

They were his passion, but for this deadly orchid,

this Orchis Fatalis,

price proved too high even for Munro.

- Mrs. Hilliard, have you any idea

where the orchid came from?

- I never asked.

- Would your husband have bought the orchid

if he'd known it was illegally imported into this country?

- He was a conservationist.

- Could your husband

have bought the orchid from Henry Plummer?

- It's very unlikely.

Munro and Plummer despised each other.

He considered him an arriviste.

He'll never come plodding back

from the conservatory, will he?

- I think, gentleman, in the circumstances...

- Ah, yes, yes, I'm sorry.

Thank you, Mrs. Hilliard.

(bell tolling)

- She describes in great detail the sexual acts

between her and her many partners.

(speaking in foreign language)

Wild Asian tiger is growing tame.

How different from the young man.

- Jimmy Fong.

- Hmm, and this is her last entry, most curious.

(speaking in foreign language)

And tomorrow is my wedding day,

but I shall not marry the peacemaker.

- And I think we'll find the peacemaker

is Jonathan Makepeace.

(sombre music)

(water splashing)

Afternoon, Mr. Makepeace.

I wonder if you've got a minute, could you help us please?

- Of course.

- The late Miss Villiers, she kept a diary.

- Really?

- Yes, and in it you feature rather prominently.

- Well, it's not surprising.

I spent hours with her, discussing her garden and--

- But it wasn't just her flower patch

you were planting seeds in, was it, Jonathan?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- [Tom] She claims that you were also her lover.

- Lover, that's ridiculous.

Oh, that's just some senile old woman fantasising.

Well, I did go around there a couple of times, yes.

But I had nothing at all to do with her death.

- Were you intending to marry her?

- Marry her?

- As in make her your wife, till death do you part?

- Well, yes, but of course I couldn't go through with it.

The night she died I told her I'd changed my mind.

She was livid, but when I left

she was still very much alive.

- Sorry, I'm just trying to get my head around this.

Why would a handsome young student like yourself,

Jonathan, want to marry someone

who's old enough to be their grandmother?

- (sighs) It's a little involved.

- Let me guess, Mr. Makepeace.

Am I right in saying that this was an attempt to find out

about her international orchid smuggling operation?

And that you were prepared to go to almost any lengths

to discover who was involved?

- Well, you know, pillow talk

might've provided a valuable lead.

We wanted to get to the bottom of it.

But we didn't mention one word

about it to anyone, we didn't dare.

- We didn't dare, we.

You said we, who's the we?

Whose idea was it to seduce Miss Villiers

in the first place?

- Professor Winstanley's, of course.

(sombre music)

- [Margaret] Yes, I did put him up to it.

Madeline's sexual appetite was well known in the village.

- You mean Harry Rose told you about it?

And did Harry Rose also tell you

that she smuggled rare orchids?

- Oh, good lord, no, Harry's the soul of discretion.

But we had a pretty good idea, hence the Casanova role

for Jonathan, which she was perfectly happy with.

- Jonathan Makepeace said she wasn't very happy

when he went round to call off the wedding

on the evening of her death.

Do you think Jonathan Makepeace

had anything to do with her death?

- No, of course not, he's a botanist not a murderer.

- Hmm, I don't recall suggesting it was a murder.

- Well, isn't that what you're implying?

- I'd be very interested to know

how you think Henry Plummer died?

- He committed suicide, didn't he?

- No, Professor, they were both murdered.

- Oh my God.

- And the catalyst for both the deaths, it appears,

was a smuggled orchid, which now I'm pretty certain

was eventually bought by Munro Hilliard,

and as a result, he too was murdered.

- Munro Hilliard?

I should have brought my suspicions

about Madeline's smuggling activities to you, shouldn't I?

The prospect of cracking an international smuggling ring,

of watching the culprits being brought to justice,

of being hailed as the saviour of orchid habitats

in remote corners of the world clouded my judgement .

Is that so terrible, Mr. Barnaby?

- The consequences were so terrible.

A bit of common sense would have told you what could happen.

But there was never a chair in common sense

at the university, was there?

- I was going through Munro's papers and found this.

- It appears that Madam's late husband

arranged to pay 175,000 pounds

from one of his offshore accounts to Mrs. Plummer.

- Was the payment made?

- No, sir, there being no sign of the orchid,

Madam had the account frozen.

- Mrs. Hilliard--

(phone beeps)

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know this is a very trying time for you,

but do you recall your husband

ever mentioning the name Fong, Mr. Jimmy Fong?

- No, I've never heard the name before.

- Well, this has been very useful, thank you for it.

And as it happens, our Mr. Fong

is waiting for us at Causton police station.

- As sole beneficiary of the late Miss Villiers' will,

my client would like returned to him

certain items removed illegally from her safe.

- Legally removed, Mr. Jocelyn,

in order to further our inquiries into her death.

If you don't mind,

I'd like to ask your client a direct question.

Mr. Fong, last time we met you,

you were delivering a Chinese meal

and calling yourself Weng Tu Ho.

- Just trying to do a fellow Chinaman a favour.

I always eat at the Happy House when I come to England.

- And the business which brought you here

was your very lucrative orchid smuggling I presume?

- My client will certainly not answer that question.

He's here of his own volition

to reclaim his unlawfully-seized property,

not to be questioned about alleged criminal activities

for which you have absolutely no evidence.

- It's okay, Mr. Jocelyn.

I've devoted all my life

to saving threatened orchids from extinction.

- That's a new slant on it.

- My client will have no further comment to make

on such a line of questioning.

- Then perhaps your client will be kind enough

to tell us what he is doing here in Midsomer?

- I came here to marry Madeline Villiers

and to take her away on honeymoon to Switzerland.

- But when you found she was having it off

with somebody else, you killed her, didn't you?

- Kill her, for that?

- Yeah 'cause she was sleeping

with half the village, wasn't she?

- Are insults to the dead

all you've got left in your arsenal?

I'm no saint, believe you me,

but I loved her and she loved me.

I would never kill her.

- Mr. Fong, did you kill Henry Plummer and Munro Hilliard

in order to recover the orchid

for which your intended had already died?

- Mrs. Plummer, may I put this to you

that you stole that orchid, the Yellow Roth,

from your husband's collection because Munro Hilliard

had secretly agreed to buy it from you.

- It was my orchid, damn it!

Henry had paid for it with my money!

But yes you're right, Hilliard had agreed to buy it.

- So you go round to collect the cash,

but either he refused to pay it to you or he hadn't got it.

- So you attacked him with a fork and took the orchid back.

- (scoffs) Attacked him with a fork?

I've never heard such a load of rubbish in all my life.

- But you did sell him the orchid?

- Well, that I will admit to, you see,

I didn't go to London immediately after the flower show.

The thought of 150 grand's worth of plant

just sitting there was too much for me.

He'd already gone into town, so I took the orchid.

Then I thought, what the hell, why don't I put a stop

to this orchid lunacy once and for all.

(dramatic music)

There's no law against it, I checked.

- But there is against selling smuggled orchids.

- You have to prove it was smuggled first.

- How was your crispy duck, by the way,

delivered by the famous orchid smuggler himself,

Mr. Jimmy Fong?

- Not enough barbecue sauce, there never is.

- But he wasn't just bringing you a Chinese takeaway was he?

He was bringing you some bad news.

- So where is the rest of the money

your husband owed to Miss Villiers?

- I don't have it.

- Then you'd better find it pretty quick

because when I come back

I want either cash or orchid, you understand?

- Who delivered the orchid to Mr. Hilliard?

- I did.

I mean, we did.

Run me over to the Manor House.

I don't want anyone to recognise my car up there.

I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

I don't wanna sound vulgar, Munro,

but what about the money?

- The money didn't come through?

- So I got Rose to run me up there again yesterday.

But he wasn't there, no sign of him.

Munro!

I'll give him a ring again,

I'm still waiting for my money.

- You'll be waiting a very long time, Mrs. Plummer.

Munro Hilliard was murdered around about the same time

as Rose drove you up there yesterday afternoon.

- Murdered?

- The orchid's been stolen, Mrs. Plummer.

And Mrs. Hilliard's frozen her husband's bank accounts.

- Oh my God, I'm ruined!

Where's my orchid, where's my money?

Oh my God, I'm broke!

- I think you know where that orchid is, Mrs. Plummer.

I think you probably killed Mr. Hilliard to get it back.

- No, you've got it all wrong!

He was already dead when I found him!

- No, let her go.

No end to your talent is there?

So you were the obliging chauffeur were you?

- Well, I didn't have a choice, did I?

But that's all I did,

dropped her off a couple of times and waited.

- Yeah, I bet.

- It's the truth.

- Or did you go back to the Manor House,

skewer Mr. Hilliard, and then nick the plant for yourself?

- We are desperately trying to think of a reason

not to arrest you for the murder of Munro Hilliard.

- Help us out, Harry.

(dramatic music)

- Well, there was one thing, now I come to think of it.

While I was waiting there I noticed something weird.

- Right, Harry, let's go, now!

- I saw this old butcher's bike propped up against the wall,

and I remember thinking to myself at the time,

all the butchers I know round here drive vans.

What kind of meat would anybody be delivering on that thing?

- A butcher's bicycle, you sure about that?

(birds chirping)

- It is very pretty there.

- Mr. Barnaby!

- Still hard to believe

it's worth more than a quarter of a million quid.

That is, I take it,

the Paphiopedilum rothschildianum flavum, the Yellow Roth?

- Oh, if only, you got the genus right,

but this is the sanderianum.

It's exquisite, isn't it?

- And we just take your word for that, do we?

- The point is no longer about plant appreciation.

We are here to ask you about the murder of Munro Hilliard.

- What can I possibly tell you about that?

- Well, you can tell me

where you were yesterday afternoon please.

- I was right here, why do you ask?

- Because your bicycle was seen

outside Hilliard's house yesterday afternoon.

- Well, I, no, I lent it to Jonathan.

- Makepeace?

Is he here now?

- You'll find him in the palm house.

(dramatic music)

- And what a perfect place to hide the orchid

that has already cost three lives, eh, Jonathan?

- What do you want?

- What do I want?

I want to talk to you about three murders.

- Stay away from me or I'll use it, I promise you!

- Don't clock up any more penalty points, Jonathan.

It's bad enough as it is.

- Jonathan, what do you think you're doing?

For God's sake put that down!

- I would do as the professor asks, Jonathan.

That is the stolen orchid isn't it, the Yellow Roth?

- Well, yes, it is!

- Munro Hilliard was willing

to pay 175,000 pounds for that, Jonathan.

I bet you've got someone else in mind, haven't you,

who's willing to pay a good deal more,

a quarter of a million, maybe? - You can't sell it, Jonathan.

It's the only one in the world.

(dramatic music)

(ducks quacking)

(wood crackling)

- We have a witness who'll testify

that Professor Winstanley's bike, which she lent to you,

was seen outside Hilliard's house at the relevant time,

and your prints were on the fork.

The moment you laid eyes upon it,

you recognised it, didn't you?

- The Yellow Roth!

You and I could breed from it, Mr. Hilliard.

We could make millions.

- You think I do this for the money, you greedy little tyke?

I'm not breeding anything from this beauty.

All my life, I've waited for a moment like this.

Not even my father nor my grandfather before him

ever saw such a perfect bloom.

- Then let's say you give me 200,000 pounds,

or I inform the police.

- Blackmail, how dare you!

Get out of here, you bloody upstart!

You're not fit to be in the same room

as this beautiful plant.

- We'll see about that.

(Munro screaming)

(Munro grunting)

I threatened to report him to the police,

and he attacked me, it was self-defense.

That's what I'll say in court,

and no one can prove otherwise.

- Madeline Villiers had no intention

of marrying you, had she?

It was she who jilted you.

- Don't talk rubbish, it was the other way around.

- It was the last entry in her diary.

Then what, in a fit of rage

at seeing your smuggling ambitions

go up in smoke, you killed her?

(sombre music)

- Are you mad?

Are you suffering from dementia or something?

- No, Jonathan, I'm not.

You don't know my future husband,

although you've lain in my bed,

tried to coax his name out of me.

But he and I are made for each other.

We're meant to spend our last years together,

it's our destiny.

- So you just used me, didn't you?

You debauched old bat!

I was only your toy boy after all, wasn't I?

- Don't play the innocent with me, Jonathan.

I'd hate to think that was all there was

to our little affair.

- Tell me, or you'll drink every last drop.

- Don't be stupid, Jonathan!

- Tell me!

- Jonathan, please!

- Tell me.

- Please, Jonathan, I beg you!

- Tell me!

- Henry Plummer.

(Madeline gasping)

(Madeline gurgling)

- You must have held on to her

until the hemlock started to work.

And then went round to steal the orchid from Henry Plummer.

But something unexpected happened, didn't it, Jonathan?

- You did this, Hilliard sent you, didn't he?

You destroyed everything, you toe-rag!

(Henry grunting)

- And all for a single orchid.

- Not just any old orchid,

the rarest orchid in the whole world.

(birds chirping)

- Margaret, I'm sorry.

- He was such a promising student, such a terrible waste.

- Sergeant Scott here will need

to take a statement from you, is that okay?

- Whenever.

- (sneezes) I'm sorry. (sneezes)

- You're not sleeping here?

- Of course, looking after this is like looking after

a baby, only I don't have to change its nappies.

Join me on the night watch if you like.

(jaunty music)

- Brother Robert, your eulogy for Miss Villiers

was lovely, very fitting.

- Very good of you to say so.

I had the advantage of knowing the lady

rather more intimately than most of the congregation.

- (chuckles) Thank you for it.

- Goodbye.

- Mr. Barnaby, I just wanted to thank you

for giving me a second chance.

- Oh, Harry, best of luck with it.

Stay out of trouble.

- I will.

- Gamekeeper turning poacher by the looks of things, sir.

- And heading for a long and restful retirement, I trust.

- We're going to Mount Kinabalu

to carry out Madeline's last wish.

- And what was that?

- She wanted her ashes scattered

as fertilisers on the jungle slope.

With luck she'll help grow unique orchid

which we'll name after her.

- Enjoy your trip.

- You know, I think I'll let someone else

organise the flower show next year.

- Oh yes.

- So what about that lunch you promised me?

- Now, I'm going to surprise you all here.

Lunch is on me.

(Cully gasps)

Chinese anyone?

(dramatic music)