Original subtitles

(tense music)

(swords clanging)

(both grunting) (swords clanging)

(both grunting)

(swords clanging)

(both grunting)

(swords clanging) (both grunting)

(swords clanging)

(both grunting)

(dramatic music)

(swords clanging)

(sword swooshes) (Peter groans)

(tense music)

- Halt!

(sword clatters)

- [Christian] It's over, Peter.

- It'll never be over.

(Peter speaks in foreign language)

You remember that.

(brooding music)

- [Harry] Seek 'em out, flush 'em out!

Go on.

- Shh, shh, shh.

Steve. - Go find 'em, go!

- What? - Good boy.

- Stop, for God's sake, I can hear Harry.

Oh, God, it is.

It's your father-in-law.

- [Harry] They're in there somewhere.

- He's looking for us.

- [Harry] Hurry, hurry!

Go, find 'em!

Go!

Go find 'em, yes!

- [Steve] He's walking up a few partridge, that's all.

He's miles away.

- Go catch, good boy!

- Come on, Sally. - Good boy!

- [Steve] Don't be a spoilsport.

(sally giggling)

(gun blasting)

- [Sally] Let me out of here, I've had enough.

- You'll get us both killed.

Just keep still.

- Nothing in there, old man?

(tense music)

Not even a rutting buck and a randy young doe.

(eerie music)

(tense music) (grass rustling)

Hattie!

(dog barking)

(dog barking)

(mysterious music)

(gentle upbeat music)

(door clunks) (door entrance bell ringing)

- Morning, Lady Chatwyn.

- Good morning, Alice.

- [Alice] Terrible thing, isn't it?

- It is.

- I bet your husband was shocked, wasn't he?

- He certainly was.

(brooding music)

Lloyd!

- Yeah, coming.

(gentle music)

- If we hurry, we might get there before the police.

I told Harry to give me 20 minute start

before he called them.

- Where is it?

- [Beatrice] In our big wheat field, off the Mallow Road.

- Sir.

(police radio chattering)

- Afternoon, sir.

- Afternoon, Troy.

Who found him?

- Farmer, sir.

Out tryna bag a few partridge.

He's over there, giving a statement.

- So, what's the word?

- Dumped by a flying saucer, would you believe?

- Well, that makes a change.

- Yeah.

- [Tom] Right, let's go take a look.

- Dave.

- [Police Officer] Anything?

- [Police Officer] Not yet, sir.

- Do we know how he died?

- Scared to death by the look of it.

His fingers are burned, but we should get prints.

- Mm, not exactly natural causes, then.

Any more ID?

- Not as yet, no.

- What's those marks on his back?

- [Troy] Some kind of puncture wound.

But there's no sign of any weapon.

- What about his hair?

Look, there's a chunk cut out.

- Looks like he's been to my barber, sir.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

Get this body to the morgue ASAP, please.

What are these?

- Kind of thing you see where a helicopter has landed.

- Get the straw tested for aviation fuel

and check with the Ministry of Defence, okay?

- Yes, sir.

You don't think that these things

are made by flying saucers, then?

- [Tom] Last I heard, they were made with a board

and a bit of string.

(tense music)

(car doors clunking)

- You said you'd give me 20 minute start.

All he wanted was a few pictures.

- That's precisely what I gave you, Beatrice.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I haven't quite finished with this charming young lady here.

- Damn you.

- Excuse me, sir.

I understand you're the farmer who found the body.

- That's right, Harry Chatwyn.

- I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby.

This is Detective Sergeant Troy.

Would you mind telling us what happened?

- I was out for a few partridge, and I saw the crop circle.

Then I realised there was something in the circle.

So I went down to have a look, and, lo and behold,

there was this chap lying starkers in the middle of it.

- And apart from him,

was there anything out of the ordinary that you saw?

Any cars, people who looked out of place?

- No, not a living soul.

- You've had crop circles in your fields before, have you?

- Good Lord, yes.

- Well, thank you, sir.

We'll need to talk to you again

after we've taken a look at your statement.

Is that all right?

- Of course.

- Thank you.

- Excuse me.

Are you in charge here?

- Yes, yes, I am.

Can I help you?

- No, but I can help you.

I'm Lloyd Kirby.

The ufologist from Midsomer Parva.

- The what?

- (chuckles) The ufologist.

This bears all the marks of extraterrestrial activity.

- Oh, so you're an expert in these things, are you?

- It's been my lifelong field of study, yeah.

- Oh.

"Close Encounters of the Midsomer Kind."

Oh, looks very interesting.

- It is, I wrote it.

- Oh.

- [Lloyd] There are altogether too many instances

of people being abducted like this.

- In flying saucers?

- (chuckles) We use the term, unidentified flying objects

because nobody upon this earth

has yet been able to identify one.

- You're basing this on personal experience, are you?

- No, I've never been that lucky.

But I do hope, though--

- All I can say is make sure you come back alive.

- Oh, keep it.

It's a good read.

- Thank you, I look forward to that.

- Do you mind if I take a few pictures for my newsletter?

Crop circles are 10 a penny,

but an abduction site like this,

well, that's something else.

- Absolutely out of the question, Mr. Kirby.

This is a crime scene.

- [Lloyd] You're not treating this as a crime, are you?

- We are investigating a suspicious death Mr. Kirby.

But thank you very much for your opinion.

And your book.

- How are you gonna arrest an extraterrestrial, then?

- Well, if they're guilty,

everyone has to come back down to earth some time or other.

- And in your case, Mr. Kirby,

it'll be with a very large bump.

(suspenseful music)

(trolley rattling)

- It's got to be some kind of gruesome hoax.

The question is, who provided the body, and how did he die?

- He was electrocuted.

By something very strong.

- This just came through, sir.

- Ta.

- The Yard's identified him by his fingerprints,

and you'll be surprised to know he's not a hippie.

- Ronald Stokes, aged 58.

Three convictions for GBH and one for wounding.

Surprised the man was still on the streets.

What on earth was he doing in Midsomer Parva?

Get back to the Yard, we need more than this.

Okay, Michael, go on.

- The shock travelled up his left arm and stopped his heart.

- That would account for the expression on his face, then.

- Yes. - Hm.

And the puncture marks on his back?

- They're not deep.

They don't go into the spine or anything like that.

And they were inflicted an hour or two after death.

- And the missing hair?

- [Michael] Your guess is as good as mine on that one.

- So, given the time of death,

it seems likely that he was electrocuted elsewhere

and somebody dumped his body in the crop circle.

- What about if he was making the crop circle

and he was struck by lightning?

- Judging by his record, Troy,

don't think Mr. Stokes was the crop circle kind of person.

(gentle sinister music)

- Have you any idea what people say

about you associating with Lloyd Kirby?

- Doesn't concern me what people think.

- Hm, did you see that policeman chap's face

when he started sounding off about flying saucers?

- Lloyd Kirby may be interested in

extraterrestrial forms of life,

but he has more humanity in his little finger

than you have in your entire body!

- UFOs and ETs, sir.

How did we get shunted into this siding?

- A suspicious death, Troy.

And if we wanna keep our pensions,

better find a better reason than that

for Ronnie Stokes' demise.

- Well, it's been such a pleasure,

ladies and gentlemen, to spend time with minds

which are still open to the inexplicable.

Thank you.

Please, now, do all you can to spread the word

about these wondrous phenomena

which the established authorities

still blindly refuse to recognise.

And thank you for coming.

- Thanks, Lloyd. - Thank you.

Thanks, bye.

- Mr. Kirby.

Could you possibly come down to the station with us?

There's one or two things you could help us with,

if you'd be so kind.

Moving a body, Mr. Kirby, is a very serious offence.

- Why are you telling me this?

- Because I've been wondering if it was you

who put the body in the crop circle.

- Ah, so you're not accusing me of murder?

- No, not at the moment.

Do you...

You do recognise this, yeah?

- I do.

This is Elmo Brooks of Flagstaff, Arizona.

He was abducted on September 16th, 1968,

and returned to Earth two days later.

- And here we have a more detailed photograph

showing a double puncture wound

in the lower area of the back.

- That's where samples of spinal fluid were taken.

- And the shaved neck?

- It's widely believed among ufologists that tufts of hair

are taken so that studies can be made of the DNA.

- I believe...

I believe it to be suspiciously coincidental

that these classic symptoms, as you call them in your book,

should appear on the body in the crop circle.

- Well, that's precisely because they are classic symptoms.

- Where were you the night before last, Mr. Kirby?

Did you take a walk in a wheat field by any chance?

- (laughing) I'm sorry to disappoint you.

I was in Causton.

"War of the Worlds" was on at the Roxy.

- Somebody can confirm that, can they?

- Lady Chatwyn, I went with her.

You ask Beatrice.

- Oh, we will, we will.

In the meantime, I suppose that the discovery of this body

will work wonders for your business.

- It already has.

I've got a minibus full of enthusiasts

due at the centre any minute.

I'm due to give them a lecture on the Midsomer crop circles.

- All right.

Would you please remember

that the crop circle where the body was found

is a crime scene and the penalties for disturbing it

can be very, very severe?

- I'll not let anyone get too close.

- People pay good money for that, do they?

- Money well spent.

And, by the way,

I'm giving a talk tonight in the village hall.

Pop in.

You might learn a thing or two.

I don't expect you to take me seriously.

People all over the world

have reported extraterrestrial activity,

and they're always called cranks or liars.

- Sir?

- Excuse me.

No, would you stay here for a minute, please?

- There's a man here, sir.

Says he heard that Lloyd Kirby had been arrested.

Came to offer bail.

- What does he think we arrested him for?

- Didn't know, sir.

But he's a bit of a local heavyweight.

- Oh?

- Sir Christian Aubrey.

- Sir Christian Aubrey?

Not without friends in high places, is he, our Mr. Kirby?

Look after our suspect, Troy.

Sir Christian Aubrey?

- Yes. - How do you do?

I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby.

- How do you do? - Shall we go in here?

Yep. - Ah.

I'm sorry about this, but I have had to do it before.

- What, stand bail surety for Lloyd Kirby?

- He has been arrested, hasn't he?

- No, no, no, I just brought him in for questioning.

Why, do you think we should have arrested him?

- Oh, Lord, no.

He's completely harmless.

- You've known him a long time, have you?

- Since he and Beatrice were children.

Lady Chatwyn.

- And what had he done that you had to stand bail for him?

- He came to Burma, oh, 20 years ago.

I was consul general in Rangoon at the time,

and Lloyd was sentenced to death for smuggling heroin.

- Oh, God.

- It was a trumped-up charge.

Lloyd was an easy target.

We managed to get him off.

Well, he's not been arrested,

and I do not intend to charge him.

- So I can take him home?

- Yes, you can.

He's got some customers waiting at his ufology centre

who should be very grateful.

(gentle sinister music)

- Good afternoon, Miss Boulter.

How are you?

- Very well, how can I help?

- I wonder if you could arrange a home visit for me.

- When did you have in mind?

- Tomorrow, about lunchtime.

(appointment book rustling)

- One o'clock?

- Thank you, Miss Boulter.

- [Joyce] A lecture on what?

- Crop circles and unidentified flying objects.

- I thought we were going out for a romantic meal

for our anniversary.

- That's not until Friday.

- [Joyce] So you have remembered.

- [Tom] Yes.

- But this is work, is it?

- Well, it'll be very entertaining.

- What kind of ironing do you call this, you stupid cow?

Look at the creases.

- [Lucy] I said I'd take them to the cleaners.

- What's all the shouting for?

- He's going on about his trousers.

- Yeah, well, look at the creases!

How am I supposed to wear these now?

- Why don't you iron them yourself if you're so particular?

- Stay out of it, Daddy.

- [Harry] You were probably only gonna take them off,

so why bother?

- Ah, I'll do them again.

- No, you won't! - Get off.

What did I marry into?

(tense music)

(grass rustling)

- [Greg] What do you think?

It might be cool to do it in the middle of a crop circle.

- [Lynn] Well, I don't wanna to do it

where the body was found.

- Well, there's another one further down.

Come on, Lynn.

- What if the aliens come and take us away?

(audience chattering)

- How come you know her?

- Used to do pottery together at the Causton Institute.

She's very good, Beatrice.

- What's she doing hanging around with Lloyd?

- They grew up together, I think.

- Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Please.

- Good evening.

- [Audience] Good evening, Lloyd.

- Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming here.

Crop circles.

They're nothing new, you know.

Nowadays, people reckon that these are made by hoaxers.

But in many parts of the world,

they've long been the focus of serious religious belief.

And so this evening,

I'm gonna show you who makes them, and why.

- I'll tell you who makes them, Lloyd.

Nutters like you!

(audience groaning) (audience muttering)

Who ruin tonnes of good wheat every year.

- Harry, please.

- You all, there ought to be a law against you.

- Not much love lost between the Chatwyns, then?

(door slamming)

- Sorry about the interruption,

but I notice that Mr. Barnaby,

who is investigating the death of the man

whose body was found in the crop circle,

has come along this evening.

Good to see the police are taking a serious interest

in what we've all known for years.

- Yeah. (audience applauding)

- May I just say if anyone here has any information

which they think might be useful.

If, for example, any one of you

was in the vicinity of the crop circle last night,

be very glad to hear from you.

(audience chattering)

- I'm sure that the extraterrestrials

who were responsible for this tragic event

will be in touch with you in due course, Chief Inspector.

(audience laughing) (audience applauding)

We're not alone in this universe.

- [Audience] Hear, hear.

- And yet the authorities have an entire department

which is set up to rubbish what we say

and to vilify anyone who claims a close encounter.

An entire department?

This smacks to me of taking it very seriously indeed.

(audience applauding)

(tense music)

- What do you think?

Over there?

- Okay.

(Lynn screaming) (dramatic music)

(Lynn yelping)

(audience applauding)

- [Lloyd] No one who has had an extraterrestrial experience

is ever the same again.

When they are returned to Earth,

their lives are changed forever.

- Which effect can quickly be reversed

with the aid of a very large Scotch.

(car door clunking)

Hello, Troy, you're just in time.

About to push the boat out.

- [Troy] Evening, Mrs. Barnaby.

- Evening, Gavin.

I get the feeling this is one of those

Tom can't have another drink moments.

Is that it?

- 'Fraid so.

Another body has been discovered, sir.

In a second crop circle.

- Another one?

Sorry.

- Do you get the feeling somebody's taking the mickey?

Bodies don't just fall out of the sky.

All this flying-saucer stuff.

Gotta be some kind of a smoke screen.

That Lloyd Kirby must have something to do with it.

- Not tonight he doesn't.

With me in the audience,

I'd say his alibi was just about as tight as it can get.

(bright light humming)

- Oh, my God!

(tyres screeching)

- No, no, stop.

Stop.

Stop!

Just let me out.

- It's your responsibility, sir.

What shall I tell your wife?

- Tell her I may be gone for some little while.

(dramatic eerie music)

(lights clacking)

Police!

- What's the matter?

- What about dipping your lights

in the face of oncoming traffic?

- [Farmer] Is that all?

- (sighs) Bloody combine harvester.

- Drive with a little more consideration, please.

(gentle music)

(sighs) Pull over, let him pass.

(car clattering)

(car bonnet thuds)

(wheat rustling) (police radio chattering)

- Yep, this one's burned as well, sir.

- Wonder if he's been electrocuted, too.

- Gonna turn him over now, sir.

Will you give me a hand, please, Sarge?

On the count of three.

Ready?

One, two, three.

(wheat rustling)

Good God.

It's Eddie Field, the burglar from Aspern Tallow.

- Hm, I thought he was still inside.

- No, been out about a month now.

- So what's the link between Eddie Field and Ronnie Stokes?

(gentle suspenseful music)

(door knocking)

(door clunking)

- Where have you been?

I've got to be back in the surgery in five minutes.

- Lucky to get here at all, my little mouse.

There are police crawling all over the big wheat field.

- Police, what for?

- They found another body in a crop circle.

- Oh, you're kidding.

Who is it?

- Well, police aren't saying,

but I've heard it's Eddie Field.

- That's why Doc Fleming was in such a mood this morning.

You know the first one was electrocuted.

- Electrocuted?

- Cooked inside like a steak and kidney pie.

- What about a little nibble for your Uncle Harry?

- No, no.

You can go hungry.

- Oh, please, darling, a touch?

- [Sally] Not even a peep.

(Harry sighs)

- Oh, by the way,

you know we're going to have to find another venue.

- Yeah.

Steve says he's gonna make this a nice little love nest

for him and Lucy. - He is, yes.

Except that he's too busy chasing 'round after you

to do anything about it.

I don't want you seeing!

I don't want you seeing Steve anymore.

- Oh, really?

And why's that?

I'll see whoever I want to.

And if you complain,

I'll just let Beatrice know what we do down here.

- I'm not being unreasonable, darling.

They've not been married a month.

- Oh, well, it's not my fault if she can't keep him happy.

- Oh, come-- - Look, I've told you!

You try and stop me seeing who I like,

and you will be out of that farm so fast

you'll think she'd done it with mirrors.

(tense music)

- You're right, he was electrocuted.

- [Tom] What ever happened to good old-fashioned shooting?

- Maybe this is the new, green way to zap your victims.

No blood, no guts, just fried brains.

- What else?

He's also got a couple of puncture wounds

low down on the spine which don't lead anywhere,

and there's a chunk of his hair missing.

- So we've got a local petty thief and a London hard man.

Hm!

And not much else.

- I've found traces of a mineral oil used in engineering.

And there's silver oxide on his hands.

- Now, that is curious.

- Why, sir?

- I've just read in Field's file three or four years ago

that he was involved with a small foundry business

run by a local man with a bit of form.

Um, Dave Ripert.

- I still don't see the connection, sir.

- Ripert was suspected of melting down stolen bullion.

Never proved, but petty thief?

London villain?

Dave Ripert?

- There was a burglary in Badger's Drift last night, sir,

at the Beeches.

Had Eddie Field's name written all over it.

- Last night? - Mm.

- Well, you'd better go take a look.

- You were out clubbing in Causton last night, weren't you?

- What if I was?

Think I enjoy being stuck out in the middle of a field?

Sick of your parents.

Sick of them hating each other and taking it out on me.

- [Lucy] Supposed to be living in Ivy Cottage.

Why don't you come and help me get it ready?

- Why don't you ask your father why?

Wants it for himself, if you ask me.

Anything to get away from your mother

as long as it stops short of divorce.

- Doesn't belong to Harry, it's Mommy's,

and she wants me to have it.

- Well, get her to do something about it, then,

instead of hanging around with that nut case Lloyd.

God, insanity doesn't run in your family, it gallops.

- I hate you.

I wish I'd never married you.

- But you did because you like what Stevie does to you,

don't you, my sweet little chicken?

- Bastard. (hand slaps)

(brooding music)

- What did they get at the Beeches?

- TV and video, jewellery, bits of china,

some silver, and a couple of paintings.

- [Tom] No sign of Eddie Field

getting his fingers burnt in the process?

- The owner was out at the time.

Wasn't reported till the early hours.

No one's been in here for over a year,

according to the agent.

There you go.

- Thank you.

(tense music)

(lock clattering)

(gentle suspenseful music)

This must be the furnace

(furnace scraping)

where they smelted the aluminium.

Electrically fired, by the look of it.

- How about that?

- That's silver, all right.

I can see the hallmark.

Someone's tried to melt it down.

Got an evidence bag?

Check it out in the stolen-antiques register.

Wonder if Eddie Field met his maker

trying to steal electricity from the national grid.

- Cheese and something or other.

Can't quite make it out.

"Use by the 10th."

That's two days ago.

- Well, the place has certainly had visitors,

and I'd say they were a bit bigger than kids.

Get forensic to check that.

So, the cause of death

was probably the same for Eddie Field

as for Ronnie Stokes,

and they were both discovered in the same circumstances.

But if Eddie Field died here,

who took his body and dumped it in the crop circle?

Same person who put Ronnie Stokes there, sir?

- Mm.

Link's not quite there yet, is it?

- Hmm.

- Go and see what Mr. Ripert has to say about all this.

(gentle brooding music)

(car door slamming)

(door latch clattering)

- [Troy] Are you Dave Ripert?

- Well, that depends.

- Detective Sergeant Troy.

Mind if I come in, Mr. Ripert?

- Yes, I do, what do you want?

I'd like to know where you were last night

between eight and midnight.

- Last night?

That's easy.

I was drinking with my brother in Oxford.

Crashed out at his place.

Bit over the limit.

Sure even coppers know what that's like.

Got back this morning.

- And your brother can confirm this?

- Sure, Tony never lies.

- I understand you used to own the foundry

at Midsomer Parva.

Been back there recently?

- No.

Don't belong to me anymore.

I went under.

Nothing left there for me, mate.

- Did you know a man called Ronnie Stokes?

- No.

- I wonder what I'd find

if I were to come inside, Mr. Ripert.

- Well, without a search warrant,

you'd find a heavy-duty lawyer.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'll just get back to treating my hangover.

(door clattering)

(tense music)

(car door clunking)

(car door slamming)

(car engine revving)

- Close shave.

- You can say that again.

(car engine revving)

You know something, Sal?

Think we should hide this stuff at your place.

Just to be on the safe side.

(gentle purposeful music)

(phone dialer beeping)

- You want information about Lloyd Kirby,

take the weight off your feet.

- Thank you.

I understand you grew up together.

- I like your wife.

A sensible woman.

Not a gossip, I thought.

But then, married to a detective.

- I'm investigating not one, but two suspicious deaths.

And any information which might throw light.

- Lloyd's mother was housekeeper here.

His father was the farm foreman.

We were born on the same day.

- You're obviously still very close.

- And like everyone else, you're wondering why I spend time

with a man that many regard as a crank.

- Yeah.

- Well, at least you're honest about it.

We were playmates.

We were childhood sweethearts.

But then, inconveniently, we fell in love.

- Well, how was that inconvenient?

- My parents were self-made.

They moved here to acquire class.

My father was determined I should marry gentry,

so he threatened Lloyd's parents with dismissal

unless they agreed to send Lloyd to Australia.

- A remittance man?

- Yes, second half of the 20th century.

It was cruel, unforgivable.

- And Sir Harry was your end of the bargain.

- Yes.

No money, but a title and all the bad habits to go with it.

I gave birth to Lucy,

and there the marriage ended in all but appearance.

- And when Lloyd came back?

- Oh, all that was over.

But we do have friendship.

Even love of a kind. (chuckles)

(tense music)

- [Steve] That was pretty special. (chuckles)

(both laughing)

- [Sally] Got to go.

- [Steve] Tomorrow.

(car door clunking)

(foliage rustling)

(electricity crackling) (Steve groaning)

- [Man] Whew.

- [Woman] Why are we going this way?

- We get closer to the crop circle this way

than from the road.

Now try and keep up.

Crop circles have been known

(gentle suspenseful music)

since

as far back as 1670.

Stay back.

(dramatic music)

Go, go, go!

(gentle sinister music)

- Afternoon, Sir Harry.

What can I do for you today?

- I'd like to arrange a home visit, please.

- Oh, yeah.

Ivy Cottage, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm afraid it's gonna have to be tomorrow afternoon.

Four o'clock suit you?

- Nothing before then?

- 'Fraid not.

- Are you sure?

- Quite sure.

- Well, I'll settle for that, then.

(door clunking)

- [Man] Tow truck's just lifting it up.

Get the camera in here.

- This is getting serious.

- Why do you say that, Lloyd?

- Because Steve was electrocuted, that's why.

This has nothing whatever to do

with extraterrestrial forms of life.

- I agree with you, Lloyd.

This is murder.

- [Troy] Sir.

- Yeah.

- There was a phone call last night to the nick

from one of the old dears at the post office.

- Oh, yes?

- She reported seeing Dave Ripert

unloading boxes at the health centre.

- And she didn't think they were medical supplies.

- They were going into the flat upstairs.

The receptionist lives there, a girl named Sally Boulter.

Bit of a goer by all accounts.

Drives a VW, black, which was parked outside Ripert's

when he refused to let me in.

- Could the, the goer, as you call her,

have been actually going at the time?

- Well, yes.

But the boxes, sir.

When I went back with a warrant, Ripert's place was clean.

- And naturally you want to pay Sally Boulter a visit.

- Well, might be worth a word, sir.

- Oh, by all means, Troy.

I'm sure you'll give me a full report.

- Thanks, sir.

(tense music)

- [Harry] Oh.

(Harry grunting)

(Harry sighs)

- Is that Steven Ramsey, your son-in-law, sir?

(Harry sighs)

- [Harry] Do you really think it was murder, Barnaby?

- [Tom] Put it this way,

don't think his killer came from outer space.

- It isn't him, is it?

Tell me it's not Steve.

- I'm afraid it is, darling.

- Oh, God.

No. (crying)

- I wish we could make this easier, but we can't.

(Lucy sobbing)

- Everything electrical was blown.

Bulbs, fuses.

The wiring loom's been welded together.

Whatever it was, it was a bit more powerful

than a domestic supply.

- What about other vehicle tracks,

where the pickup was found?

- (puffs) Harry Chatwyn's Land Rover,

combine harvester, horses' hoof prints.

As he says, they use that track all the time.

- Over here.

Take a look at this.

- Is that from Lloyd Kirby's place?

- [Tom] Where else, Troy?

- [Troy] He's got this up on the wall of his shop.

- Exactly.

Now, these photographs were taken, supposedly,

in Idaho in 1970.

And this man was electrocuted

in a manner very similar to our Steve Ramsey.

Now, there was no satisfactory explanation, apparently,

so the flying-saucer freaks

have always put it down to extraterrestrial interference.

But I'm wondering if someone closer to home

may have been influenced by these pictures.

(door clunking) (door entrance bell ringing)

- [Alice] Ah, Mr. Barnaby.

- Good morning, Miss Alice.

- Are you getting to the bottom of all this?

We've never been in such a pickle in Midsomer Parva.

- Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?

- Not at all.

I'll just lock the door.

With nobody writing letters anymore,

what else are post offices for?

Poor Steve.

And not married a month yet.

- Big occasion, was it, the wedding?

- Well, it was a village occasion.

- Well liked, was he, Steve?

- By the girls, he was.

- Yeah, I'd heard he had a roving eye.

- He did for Sally Boulter, anyway.

- Yeah, by the way,

thanks for the tip-off about Dave Ripert's visit.

- And that's not all, either.

- Oh?

- Well, I don't think we should tell you about this.

Why not?

- She's also sweet with Sir Harry.

- What on earth is happening

in our quiet little backwater, Christian?

Poor Lloyd's alien chums

littering our cornfields with corpses.

Do you suppose he's safe himself?

- I'm not sure that he is, to tell you the truth.

He's stuck his neck out on all this.

I wouldn't be all that surprised

if someone put it in a noose.

- Oh, good God, darling.

The poor boy doesn't deserve that. (sighs)

Anyway, I shall be most upset if I pop off

before they get to the bottom of it all.

Though where I'm going, perhaps all will be revealed.

How wonderfully lucky I've been

to have had a lifetime in love.

Take me home, please, Christian, just one more time.

(gentle brooding music) (birds chirping)

(electrical buzzing)

(car door slams)

(train rattling)

- Miss Boulter? - Yes?

- [Troy] Detective Sergeant Troy, Causton C.I.D.

- Ah, well, Gavin, I'm just off to the meeting.

- [Troy] Oh, good, so am I.

Perhaps I could ask you some questions.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I believe you're a friend of Dave Ripert's.

- Oh, well, yeah.

Not a friend, really.

Dave's been helping me move stuff out of my gran's place.

I've been clearing out the house since she died.

- Ah.

- She left me some lovely old things.

Perhaps you'd like to come and see them

when I get it straightened out.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I would.

(people chattering)

I'd better.

But, see you later.

- Welcome, everyone.

Welcome, welcome.

Thank you.

And thank you for coming.

I know that you're all perturbed, as I am,

by these unfortunate events in our village.

For myself, I am sure that these dreadful deaths

will turn out to be not the work of any alien hand

but of man himself, guided by the prince of darkness.

- I'd like to say something, if I may.

(audience applauding) (audience cheering)

- Think we all know what you think about this, Lloyd.

- [Man] Let him speak, please.

Let him speak.

- [Man] Let him speak.

- I disagree with the vicar.

(audience murmuring)

I believe that the first of these terrible deaths

was an unfortunate accident.

(audience booing) (audience chattering)

A casualty of scientific research into our human--

- Oh, what a load of rubbish.

- Oh, let him finish, will you?

- Into our human nature by extraterrestrial intelligence

of quite awesome power.

- Can't someone shut the fool up?

(audience applauding) (audience cheering)

- But as for the subsequent two deaths,

I agree with the police. - Absolute--

- They had nothing whatever - Tosh!

- Tosh Lloyd!

The only person around here

to see any of these so-called flying saucers is you.

- Really. - How do you know?

- [Man] Let him speak.

- Perhaps you'd like to make a comment, Mr. Barnaby.

- Yes, please.

What we do know, what we can be sure of

is that all three victims were electrocuted.

The circumstances in which the first two men came to die,

accident or design, yet unknown.

But the third man, the unfortunate Steven Ramsey,

whose widow is understandably not here with us

this afternoon, he was murdered.

Of that there can be no doubt.

But let me please reassure you

that the person or persons responsible

will be brought to justice.

- My faith and belief lies with God.

And I will quote to you St. Matthew 8:26

"And he saith unto them, 'Why are you fearful,

"'oh, ye of little faith?'"

- But what about the second book of Kings, 2:11.

"And it came to pass there appeared a chariot of fire,

"and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder.

"And Elijah went up by--

- Stay here. - "A whirlwind into heaven."

Now if that's not a flying saucer, vicar, what is?

(audience chattering) (audience applauding)

- Sir Harry.

Can I have a word, please?

- Certainly, what about the Black Horse?

- Oh, no, I'd rather not, if you don't mind.

Just wanted to ask your opinion

of your late son-in-law, Steve Ramsey.

You were opposed to the marriage, yes?

Implacably.

- I was, as ever, overruled.

- And I believe you objected

to his relationship with Miss Boulter.

- You're damned right I did.

What would you have done if it had been your own daughter?

- Just one more question, please, Sir Harry.

The electricity substation

between your two big wheat fields.

Do you hold a key to it?

- Nothing to do with me, dear chap.

Property of the electricity supply company.

Damned if I can remember their name.

- [Isabel] You know, Christian,

there is one piece of unfinished business

I'd dearly love to settle.

- [Christian] I know exactly what you're going to say.

- I can't bear to think of Peter all that way up in Ross

with his heart poisoned by feelings of revenge.

He's got the produce and the profits

of the finest distillery in Scotland to comfort him.

- I know you've protected us through the years,

but if I were to offer him forgiveness now,

if I were to ask him, do you think he'd come and see me?

- [Harry] Oh, come on, Sally.

What's the matter?

- I'm not in the mood.

I don't wanna to do it, not today.

(Harry sighs) (lighter clicks)

(sally exhaling)

So, Steve and Lucy won't be needing this place after all.

- Sadly, no.

- You did it, didn't you?

- Did what?

- Killed Steve.

God, you hated him.

You were jealous of him doing it with me.

And you certainly didn't want him marrying Lucy.

- One of those things might be true, dear heart.

The story is he was struck by lightning.

- Oh, yeah.

Believe that, and you'll believe he was abducted by aliens.

By the way, would let me keep some stuff

my grandmother gave me in here?

- What sort of stuff?

- Pots and pans, bits and pieces.

It's just till I get a bigger place.

- Of course.

Want me to come and pick them up with the Land Rover?

- No, I'll stick 'em in the back of the car.

Come here, Uncle Harry.

(both chuckle)

- The wheat in the circles was burnt by butane gas.

Comes in cylinders for gas blowtorches.

You can get it in any DIY store.

- Oh, not some derivative of kryptonite

from the planet Zog, then?

- No, just your bog-standard butane.

Isn't it time we had another chat

with Lloyd Kirby, then, sir?

- Yes, indeed it is.

But first Sir Christian Aubrey.

(door knocking)

(door clattering)

- Ah, Mr. Barnaby! - Sir.

- Come in. - Thank you.

- Sergeant Troy. - Sir.

- Come and meet my wife.

(door clatters)

Darling, Chief Inspector Barnaby and Sergeant Troy.

My wife, Isabel.

- Lady Isabel.

- I won't shake hands, but please do sit down.

- Thank you.

- Tea, gentlemen?

- Yes, please.

- [Christian] Sergeant?

- Please.

- Are you investigating these mysterious deaths?

- Indeed we are, Lady Isabel.

- I'd heard wrongly, as it turned out,

that Lloyd had been arrested, so I came to bail him out.

- Lloyd?

What on earth would you arrest Lloyd for?

- Didn't you have some idea

that he might have put the body in the crop circle

to drum up business for his ufology centre?

- Yes, we had thought that.

- He's one of nature's eccentrics, Mr. Barnaby.

He has a disarming innocence about him.

He's had it ever since childhood.

And in spite of what's happened, it's still there.

Lloyd will die as innocent as the day he was born.

- So, what do you think happened

in the wheat field, then, sir?

- I believe that someone took advantage of the situation,

and poor Lloyd swallowed it.

Hook, line, and saucer.

(Tom chuckles)

- What's your opinion of Lloyd's beliefs, Lady Isabel?

- All men are credulous animals.

We must all believe in something.

- Can I show you something?

(sighs) Lloyd made that on death row in a Rangoon jail

with nothing but flour, water, and papier-mache.

(Troy chuckles)

- Is that the Whimhurst machine?

- Yes, indeed.

- God, we used to have fun with that at school.

May I have a go? - Yes, indeed.

- Thank you.

(electricity crackling)

- Look, look at that, Troy, Look.

- Yeah. - Hey, hey!

- All these belonged to my father. He was a science teacher.

- Haven't seen one of those in ages.

- Christian.

- Yes, my dear.

I have to take Isabel back to the hospice.

- Sir Christian, you've been most generous with your time.

And so has Lady Isabel.

(foot thudding) (metal clanks)

- Oh, that's Lloyd all over.

Not exactly the tidiest person

when it comes to leaving his tools around.

- Sir Christian, I'm very sorry about your wife.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- Did you see the gas-powered blowlamp, sir?

- I was more interested in the Whimhurst machine.

- Oh, dead impressive spark.

- You come from the comprehensive generation, Troy,

whose education was not so thorough as it should have been.

I opted out of science.

Couldn't stand the smells,

and none of the experiments worked.

- When I was at grammar school,

Mr. Carter used to make artificial lightning

with one of those.

- [Troy] Should we have a poke around in there?

- Yeah. (car engine revving)

That would be to our advantage.

- With or without a warrant?

- [Tom] Oh, I think Sir Christian's got enough on his plate

without bothering him with warrants.

Let's come back another day when the coast is clear.

(gravel crunching) (birds chirping)

(Lucy sobbing)

- Look at her.

This is your doing, Harry, I know it is.

- Don't talk rubbish.

- You've said not a single word of regret.

Not one.

- Please, Mommy, not now.

(gentle suspenseful music)

(car door clunks)

(door lock clicking)

- You don't arrest dogs without learning a few tricks.

(door slams) - Shh!

Better keep that open.

(electricity crackling)

- Ah!

Bloody hell!

- What's wrong? (alarm beeping)

- Handle's live.

Don't touch it, sir.

(electricity crackling)

(Tom grunting)

(alarm beeping)

- Try that one.

(electricity crackling)

- [Troy] Ah! (grunts)

(alarm beeping)

- Whole place must be wired.

- [Troy] Careful, sir.

- It's got a rubber handle on it.

(electricity crackling)

(alarm beeping)

- [Troy] Could that kill a man?

- Yes, it could, Troy.

Especially if he's got a weak heart.

- Ah, we're trapped.

- Use your mobile.

Get onto the station.

Tell them to send a man up here with rubber gloves.

(phone beeping)

- No signal.

Just static.

Have to try the landline.

- No, no, no, wait.

Hang on, hang on.

(electricity crackling)

(alarm beeping)

(gentle mysterious music)

(Tom chuckles)

- How long do you think it'll be before he's back?

- Got no idea.

Got a feeling it'll be worth waiting for.

(door clunking)

- You look worried, my love.

Lloyd called to say...

- Goodbye?

(Christian sighs)

(truck beeping) (engine idling)

- It's a binman!

Hey!

Hey, you!

- Mate, Hello! - Police, help, over here!

- Hey, listen! - Police, help!

- Binman, binman!

- Police, help! - Are you death or what?

Come on!

- Help, we're trapped! - Hey, hey!

- Over here! - Help!

- [Tom] Help!

(lorry door slams)

- Oh, for God's sake.

(gentle sinister music) (birds chirping)

(gravel crunching)

(alarm beeping)

(gentle suspenseful music)

(door creaking)

(sword scraping)

- Well, well.

Did you come back for another few turns

of the Whimhurst machine?

- We are investigating a series of murders, Sir Christian.

- And no doubt you have a search warrant

in your pocket, do you?

Hm.

It's all right, gentlemen, you can get up now.

I've switched everything off.

(sword clatters)

- That's a lethal security system

you have here, Sir Christian.

Thing like that could kill a man.

- It's kept intruders out of my home for years.

- But not all of them, eh?

- You're right.

I've kept all them out but one.

- Would you like to come with me to Causton

to talk about it?

- Not really.

But as I no longer have any choice in the matter,

I'd better say yes.

Shall we go, gentlemen?

- Better leave that turned off.

We don't want any more mishaps, do we?

- [Christian] If you say so.

(alarm beeps)

(tense music)

- I don't like seeing you like this, Lloyd.

I'm convinced that Harry murdered Steve.

- Will they put him away?

- I hope so.

I do hope so.

- I'm gonna tell you something now,

and I want you to promise me

that you will never repeat it to a living soul.

- I promise.

- You know the body of that Ronnie Stokes?

The first one they found in the crop circle?

- Yes.

- I made the circle.

- I thought you might have done.

- And I put him in it.

After we got back from the Roxy that night.

I made the circle with board and string.

I put the body in it.

I clipped his hair, and I put the holes in his back.

- But he was a criminal, wasn't he?

How on earth did you get mixed up with him?

- Well, he died at someone else's house.

He wasn't murdered.

Anyway, I agreed to get rid of the body.

And I'm so sorry I deceived you.

- But why, Lloyd?

Why on earth would you do a thing like that?

(Lloyd groans)

- (sighs) I just wanted people

to take extraterrestrial visitation more seriously.

And look what I've unleashed.

- What are we going to do?

Why don't you go back to the cottage and wait for me there?

(gentle music)

(birds chirping)

(door clicking)

- Hello, Lloyd.

What a surprise.

(bag clattering)

- Sally?

I thought this place was empty.

What are you doing with all this stuff?

It's treasure, Lloyd, and it's all mine.

- Where did you get it from?

- Well, that's for me to know and you not to find out.

But it didn't come from Mars.

- You've stolen it, haven't you?

Let's say I inherited it.

(footsteps clattering)

- What are you doing here?

- Me?

I'm your favourite alien come to abduct you.

(Sally chuckles)

(dramatic music)

(Lloyd thudding)

(tense music)

- Is he dead?

- I came home from the hospice after visiting Isabel

to find him lying on the floor.

He'd been dead for a couple of hours.

You see, this man...

(sighs) What was his name?

- Ronnie Stokes.

- He'd been sent to kill me.

- Why would anyone want to kill you?

- It wasn't the first time.

In the early days,

there were maybe half a dozen attempts on my life.

Latterly, we'd begun to relax.

- [Tom] Did any of them suffer the same fate as Stokes?

- Oh, no, of course not.

The idea was that anyone coming to Midsomer Parva,

with malicious intent,

was to get the shock of his life, if you'll excuse the pun.

Sadly, he was killed instead.

- [Tom] And who sent these people

to try to kill you, Sir Christian?

- I'm afraid that starts 40 years ago.

(relaxed music)

(swans cawing)

You see, when I was a student at Oxford,

I fell in love with Isabel.

But my best friend, Peter Rhodes,

the Marquis of Ross, was also in love with her.

- I know.

We'll decide it with a duel.

- You're crazy!

You're crazy, the both of you.

(swords clanging) (both grunting)

- Ah!

(sword clatters)

- But Peter was so incensed at having lost

that he vowed to kill me.

So he sits up in the family distillery in Scotland

with nothing better to do than to plot revenge.

- And these men he sent?

- Usually the local police took care of them.

I had them deported quietly.

The other day was a mistake.

A big mistake.

- Could I bring you back to Lloyd, please, Sir Christian?

See, I mean, with respect, I can't believe

that you'd be able to lift a 13-stone man on your own.

- Yes, all right.

Lloyd took him out to the wheat field.

- And the puncture marks and the funny haircut?

- I'm sure they didn't fool you for a minute, did they?

- Sir.

- [Troy] Excuse me.

(door clunking)

- Mr. Barnaby, Isabel is dying.

May I sign a statement and be taken to her?

(door clicking)

- Sir. - Yeah?

- Pretty urgent.

- Excuse me, please.

- It's Lloyd Kirby, sir.

He's been found dead in a crop circle.

Yet another body on Sir Harry Chatwyn's land.

(gentle sinister music)

There's no missing hair.

No puncture marks.

(sinister music)

(car engine revving)

(tray rattling)

- It's not like the others, Barnaby.

The nose is broken.

And the neck, too, which is no doubt what killed him.

(gentle sinister music)

- I'm looking for Sir Christian Aubrey.

Brook House?

Can you help?

- Come on, boy.

Good boy.

Come on, boy.

Here.

In you get.

Good boy.

- Sir Harry.

We'd like a word with you about a murder.

- (sighs) I hated him, and I loved her.

I couldn't let it go on any longer.

Was it because he was having an affair with your wife?

- (chuckles) My wife?

No, he was having an affair

with that doctor's receptionist, Sally Boulter.

- So why did you kill Lloyd Kirby?

- Lloyd Kirby?

I didn't say anything about killing Lloyd Kirby.

He's a lunatic.

Is he dead?

- I'm afraid so.

And I believe you killed Steven Ramsey.

- (chuckles) Now, hang on.

(Harry sighs)

- Would you mind telling us how it happened?

(gentle suspenseful music)

(electricity crackling)

(Steve groaning)

(gentle dramatic music)

(lock rattling)

(electric crackling)

(metal clanking)

(metal chain jangling)

(truck engine revving)

Sir Harry Chatwyn, I'm arresting you

for the murder of Steven Ramsey.

You don't have to say anything--

- [Lucy] Daddy, what's going on?

- He's been arrested for the murder of your husband.

- No.

There must be some mistake.

He's my father.

He wouldn't do that.

Would you, Daddy?

- I couldn't bear him treating you as he did.

- But I didn't care!

- He was no good, Lucy.

- I hope you rot in hell.

(Lucy inhales sharply)

- I probably will.

But I didn't kill Lloyd.

Lloyd?

What you talking about?

- I'm afraid it's true, Lady Chatwyn.

Lloyd Kirby was found dead in a crop circle.

- No!

Not Lloyd!

(gentle sinister music) (car engine revving)

(gentle suspenseful music)

(door clunking)

(door slamming)

(tense music)

(electricity crackling)

(Peter grunts)

(alarm beeping)

(Peter breathing heavily)

- Ooh.

(Peter panting)

(electricity crackling)

(Peter grunts)

(alarm beeping) (Peter panting)

(Peter grunting)

(heart beating)

(gentle music)

(birds chirping)

(swords clattering)

(swords clattering) (both grunting)

- Ah!

(sword clatters)

(bicycle wheels rattling)

(footsteps crunching)

(door clunking)

(tense music)

(glass smashing)

- I've got a couple of ferry tickets for Holland tonight.

I've done a deal for the silver with a guy in Amsterdam.

- When do we go?

Boat's at up 2:00.

We'll need to pack the stuff up beforehand.

Pick you up at 9:00?

Okay.

(car doors clunking)

- He had that car at Oxford, you know.

40-odd years ago.

(alarm beeping)

- [Tom] Why did you turn it back on, sir?

- I know my enemy.

- Hello, Christian.

God, I wouldn't have recognised you.

- Life takes its toll.

- Not even my scotch, Christian.

Where's your loyalty?

- I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby.

This is Detective Sergeant Troy.

- Peter Rhodes.

Care to join me?

- Not while I'm on duty, thank you.

Am I right in assuming that you sent a Ronald Stokes

to try and kill Sir Christian?

- What happened to him?

- Well, unlike you, he didn't survive

Sir Christian's electrical defences.

- Good old Christian.

Always one step ahead.

But you do look as though you could do

with a large one of these.

(glasses clinking)

- You do realise that you'll be charged

with conspiracy to murder, don't you?

- It should never have happened.

None of this.

I should have let it go all those years ago, but I couldn't.

I was too proud.

Too jealous.

(speaks in foreign language), never defeated.

That's the family motto, you know.

- Isabel's been asking for you.

She wants us to be friends, before she dies.

(police radio chattering)

- [Woman] All right?

(woman laughs)

- May we have a few moments in private?

- Yes, of course.

(gentle emotive music)

- Isabel?

It's Peter.

I've come to ask you to forgive me.

I'm truly sorry for everything I've done.

Goodbye, Isabel.

(police radio chattering) (birds chirping)

(car engine revving)

- Sir Christian.

I don't want to intrude on your grief,

but will you answer me one last question, please?

- If I can.

- Did you kill Lloyd to shut him up?

- I've never killed anyone in my life.

- Thank you.

(car doors clunking)

(car engine revving)

(car doors clunking)

- Lloyd seemed very unhappy about something.

He wanted to go away for a few days.

- What had upset him?

- What about the events of the past few days?

Wouldn't they be enough?

- Where did he go, Lady Chatwyn?

- He said regardless of what happened,

I wasn't to tell a living soul.

- In the circumstances,

don't you think that's a bit academic?

- Gave him my word.

- You said that he was brought up here, on the farm,

that his father was the farm manager.

Where did they live?

- It was our secret place.

It was where we were happiest as children.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, all around the world ♪

(Sally groans) - Two more and we're done.

- [Sally] All right. All right.

Oh, God, I didn't know it was so much.

Oh, turn it up.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, all around the world ♪

- [Sally] Yeah! (laughs)

(Dave laughs)

(upbeat music)

♪ The world, world ♪

♪ The world, world ♪

- [Sally] (laughing) Oi.

- [Dave] Later.

♪ All around the world ♪

♪ I will go searching for you ♪

♪ All around the world ♪

♪ All around the world ♪

(Sally groans)

(upbeat music)

♪ I know you've been searching ♪

- You thinking of opening an antique shop,

are you, Mr. Ripert?

(metal clattering) (dramatic music)

(car engine Revving)

- You all right? (tyres screeching)

- Get the girl.

(tyres screeching)

(car engine revving) (tyres screeching)

(tyres screeching)

(brakes squealing)

(tyres screeching)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

♪ I'll never stop loving you ♪

(car radio static buzzing)

- Jesus!

(tyres screeching)

(car crashing) (glass smashing)

(sombre music)

- For as much as it hath pleased almighty God,

in his wise providence to take out of this world

the soul of our deceased brother Lloyd,

we therefore commit his body to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

(soil clattering)

Looking for the general resurrection

in the last day of the life of the world to come.

Amen.

- Amen. - Amen.

(sombre music)

(birds chirping) (magazines rustling)

- Hm.

Here, look.

The Mekon.

Now, that was a real alien to me when I was a kid.

Every night before I turned out the light,

used to look under the bed

to see if he was there to capture me,

carry me off to some god knows what galaxy

on the other side of the universe.

- (chuckles) What are you gonna do with these?

- Well, I saved them for Cully,

but it's boys' stuff, isn't it really.

Think I'll just bin the lot.

- Oh, no, you don't.

These will fetch a fortune at Causton charity shop.

UFOs are all the rage around here.

Or didn't you know?

(gentle sinister music)