Original subtitles

(music playing)

(horn honking)

- Are you interested in my carrot pinnings, young Fairfax?

Always, Tilly. I'll get Felicity to pull them.

Can't stop.

Thank God for small mercies.

Orville Tudway.

Summer, is he coming in?

Watch your feet there now.

- Hi there, Peter. - Hello, Orville.

You're looking as prosperous I see.

Get off.

Oh, listen, I've got something for you.

- Oh, good or bad? - I don't know.

It's a letter. It came just before Easter.

Do you reckon a tax return?

Sorry, I'm late, Mr. Fairfax.

Stefan, there's a grey envelope on the left of the counter.

Will you fetch it for us?

So, staying long?

A couple of weeks.

You... um... got anything special lined up?

Might have.

Oh, thanks.

I see, you're still as nosy as ever, Peter.

You... uh... keep this Saturday free.

(music playing)

Bad news?

For someone, yeah.

(theme music playing)

You do know I'm dreading this, don't you?

Of course, you are.

You're an Englishman.

Now, no picking on the shop assistant.

I like them.

I'll take these.

Hang on a sec.

Could you see if you have a larger size?

Where's he going?

Dad, stop panicking. No one's going to see you in here.

And, yes, they're very nice.

So they should be.

Turned around.

Mrs. Barnaby.

- Cully. - Hi, Gavin.

Hello.

What do you reckon?

Very nice, sir.

I'm afraid we don't do them in a larger size, madam.

Oh, hi, Gavin, how are you?

All right, mate.

That's it, Marks and Spencer's.

They've stood by me all these years.

I shall now return the compliment.

Canteen lunches?

Diet.

I'll design it.

Gavin, you make sure he sticks to it.

Oh, I get the easy job, do I?

You want to get your mom to buy you a car flare.

This thing's had its day.

Well, should would.

It's Hector.

Yeah, well, he always had long pockets.

Pass me that plug spanner, will you?

You know she's watching us, don't you?

You'd better get home.

(music playing)

I've been asking you to mend this washing machine

for three weeks now.

It needs a special part.

I haven't got round to buying it yet.

She snaps her fingers, you reach for your toolbox.

I'll nip into Causton now, if you like.

Only if it's convenient.

Oh, for God's sake.

What do you want?

I want some of your precious time, Will.

You give her enough of it.

What?

Are you jealous or something?

Of Fleur?

Get the service bloke to fix the machine, will you?

He charges 40 quid call out.

We can't afford it.

Oh, so now we're poor as well.

Well, I'm sorry Muriel, I can't turn the clock back.

You just have to settle for what you've got.

(knocking)

Oh, if that's her again, I'll...

Muriel, Will, great to see you again.

Bad moment?

(music playing)

Same horse?

Older and wiser.

How about you two?

If I knew you are coming over here,

I'd have put something special in for supper.

Don't worry about that.

I'll do supper.

Oh, by the way.

I've got some friends visiting this week.

Is it all right if I put them up here?

How many?

Oh, just one or two.

Good party?

It was OK.

I'm starving.

Was she out all night?

Yes, dear.

She's 18.

What's her age got to do with it?

She still needs a firm hand.

Did somebody speak?

By the way, Orville's back.

Really, dear?

Put everything that moves under lock and key.

Especially your daughter.

I almost believed you.

Did you, darling?

Orville's back.

Really, read?

How could that possibly be of interest to me.

Don't worry, Mum, I don't begrudge you a bit of fun.

Ah, America.

What about America?

Would now be a good time to discuss

the money I need to get there.

If I didn't know you better, Fleur, I'd

say you were blackmailing me.

What is that smell, Joyce?

It's awful.

What are you dressed up like that for?

The interview that, the TV commercial.

Oh, yes, yes.

Every day starts with it, Tom.

It's cabbage soup.

(doorbell rings)

You can have as much as you like.

That's what I was afraid of.

Morning, Gavin.

- Wish me luck. - Good luck.

- Why? - Oh, Dad, will explain.

Meanwhile it's a fruit day today.

As much as he likes, only no bananas.

Oh, I feel a song coming on.

What news from the front.

Big stuff, sir.

Hector Bridges, the magistrate, he

called the Chief Constable this morning

to report a stolen goose.

(goose honking)

One, two, three, four, five, six, sev... seven, eight, one.

How many did you say there were, Mrs. Bridges?

Well, there should be 16.

You haven't got enough fingers.

Here, borrow mine.

Maybe it just flew away, sir.

They can't fly.

Their wings have been clipped.

No, the bird was stolen, Inspector,

by that man over there.

Orville Tudway, didicoy, vagrant, traveller,

call him what you like.

It all boils down to the same thing...

thief.

Can they walk, sir?

Thieves?

Geese. Well, of course, they can walk.

Oh, well...

It's an invasion.

It's just a couple of vans, sir.

These people are like rats, Barnaby.

If you can see 1, it means they're 10

more close by that you can't.

Morning to you, sir.

Troy.

There you go.

Thanks.

Cheers, Orville.

Mr. Tudway.

Good morning.

Would you be kind enough to tell me...

And who the hell are you?

Police, madam. I'm Detective Chief Inspector...

Well, good.

You can throw them off our land.

Hey, you, stop that.

Put them back.

Muriel, I say they can stay.

And you are?

Will Saxby.

This is my house, my land, and I say...

(horn honking) I say they can stay.

Freddie, park it up over there, by the fence, mate.

One or two friends, you said.

Not one or two dozen. But I can vouch for them all, Muriel.

They're honest. They're courteous.

They're clean.

Now, inspector, would I be kind enough to what?

Tell me what you had for dinner last night.

Are you sure you're a policeman?

A roast goose.

And very nice it was too.

Fabulous cook, Orville is.

Roast potatoes, parsnips, a few runner beans.

And my speciality for afters, bread and butter pudding.

Hector Bridges lost a goose.

I say you nicked it.

No.

What then?

It just sort of slid into my arms and died.

This is not a good day to be cute with me.

One moment, Inspector.

You lot, now cut it out.

Someone's going to get hurt.

Hector Bridges, you may not like him, but...

Nobody likes him, Inspector.

He's the most hated man in the village.

It's why someone tried to kill him, no doubt.

I'm sorry.

Someone tried to murder him.

Keep your reins down, Charlie.

How many times do I have to tell you.

When was this?

Six or seven years ago.

I'd have thought you'd known that.

It's a bit before my time.

Please, don't think me unsociable,

but when will you be leaving.

Sunday week.

Inspector, move these people on.

They've no right to be here.

I'm afraid they have, Miss Dinsdale.

They're on private with the owner's permission.

What about the others by the church?

Whose permission have they got?

Go away.

Did you notice the wife?

Tory.

Muriel, not half bad, sir, given her age.

Lot to say for herself.

Till someone mentioned the attempt

on Hector Bridge's life.

Thereafter, silence.

Something else, sir.

Orville nicking that goose, it's like he was sticking

two fingers up at Hector.

Yeah, taunting him.

I wonder why.

Here's another brick in the wall of your education, Troy.

Observe.

Smith.

Well, the Smith clan, I take it.

They're not really all called Smith.

It just makes prosecuting them damn near impossible.

Oh, this is Michael Smith, burglary, car theft,

and of course trespass.

None of it proved, Mr. Barnaby.

I was just explaining to my sergeant why that is so.

And this young lady is Rachel Smith,

who is Michael Smith's sister.

How are you, Mr. Barnaby.

I'm fine.

Thank you, Rachel.

I won't beat about the bush.

When are you leaving?

Sunday week.

Now there's a coincidence.

The very same day that Orville Tudway and his friends

are leaving.

What's going on?

Mr. Barnaby, long time, no see.

This is John Smith, a master at deceiving gullible yuppies.

So you better watch out, Troy.

I traded that car on in all good faith.

A car which used to be two cars.

All in the past, though, eh?

I'm back now in the bosom of my family.

So what do you reckon, Grandad?

Well, Mr. Barnaby hasn't done much to spare has he.

As for the boy, I think kinky.

Kinky?

What do you mean ki...

Shh, shh, Troy.

Now listen, you lot.

I want no thieving, no fighting, and no dumping

of rubbish on England's green and pleasant land.

Is that clear?

I take that silence to mean yes.

What does he mean kinky?

I'm not kinky.

What are they up to, Troy?

Horse trading?

Big punch up?

A bit of thieving?

With respect, sir, all we came out for a PR job

on Hector Bridges.

I can understand someone wanting to kill him.

But to actually have a crack at it is something else.

I think we're on a wild goose chase, sir.

Hm. One of us had to say it, Troy.

I guessed it would be you.

Hector Bridges, Troy, was running over seven years ago,

rather convincingly.

Much damage to the car?

They interviewed Peter Fairfax, runs the village shop.

No further action taken.

Tis a curious thing.

Bridges was found by his wife, whose name was Muriel.

The same as Mr. Saxby.

Lunch, sir.

I've cut the apple's up to make them look like chips.

(phone ringing)

Barnaby.

- [Dinsdale] They're still there,

Mr. Barnaby.

Who's still where?

And who are you?

- [Dinsdale] The travellers by the church.

Tilly Dinsdale.

One of the children threw chewing gum at my car

as I drove past.

I thought I asked you to move them on.

It is common land, Miss Dinsdale.

They've every right to be there.

We'll see about that.

It hit my windscreen.

What did?

The chewing gum.

And I made the fatal mistake of putting a wiper thingies on.

Blades, dear.

If we're not careful, those oiks are

going to pinch our livestock.

Hector we'll see them off.

No, Tilly, Hector will only make it worse.

He's that kind of man.

Everything he touches turns to misery.

Am I the only one in this village with any time for him?

It could well be.

Well, thank you for the advice, Peter.

But Hector is an honest man.

And he gets things done.

Hector?

Tilly Dinsdale.

Got a problem.

- [Barnaby] Evening all.

Hello.

Hi.

How was the interview

Fine, thanks.

Got the job.

Don't seem very pleased about.

It's a TV commercial, Dad.

For what?

Tissues.

Oh, good, cabbage soup.

(snoring)

(music playing)

(phone ringing)

Yes.

- [Woman] Mr. Barnaby, I'm sorry to wake you.

But this really is an emergency.

Will you dial three 9s.

What is it?

- [Woman] It's not that sort emergency.

It's to do with the travellers at Martyr Warren.

Who is this.

- [Woman] Hector Bridges is getting

some old friends together.

They're coming to the house.

They're going to throw the travellers out of the village.

How many friends?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

You must stop them.

(music playing)

Wait here.

Old friends, the caller said.

In Hector's case, that must mean army.

Load of squaddies?

Bloody hell, sir, we need backup.

Don't worry, Troy.

Hector is a bully, pure and simple.

What we need to fight is a bit of brains.

Another brick in the wall of my education, sir?

I suggest we do it in two stages.

The lot down by the church first, move them north,

then come back for Tudway and his friends.

(music playing)

I said we needed backup, sir. We have, Troy.

We've got each other.

(bell ringing)

One of your men?

No, no, no.

Told them to stay in the Land Rovers.

Good news about the missing goose, Colonel.

May we come in?

You're aware of time, Barnaby.

Well, you're up and about.

Why shouldn't we be?

In here, is it?

No.

Name, rank, and number.

This is Major Harry Tomkinson, retired, friend of mine.

Who too has friends parked up in your drive.

What's going on, Hector?

Mr. Barnaby...

None of your business.

Go back to bed.

Keen sportsman, are you, Colonel?

Doesn't look very sporting to me that.

You obviously know what's a foot, Barnaby.

Time for a blind eye, wouldn't you say.

Not that kind of copper.

I like to poke my nose into everything.

Dangerous game.

Don't you rattle any sabres at me, Major.

I'd like your friends out of this village in five minutes.

If not, I'll summon an armed response unit.

They can be here in 20.

Then you can play rounders with them.

Do as he says, Harry.

Who tipped you off, Barnaby?

They didn't leave their name.

Man or woman?

Hard to tell these days.

Be it on your head if that scum causes any trouble.

For God's sake, man, you're supposed to be a magistrate.

Don't you lecture me.

All right, I'll leave that to the Lord Chancellor

to whom this matter will be reported.

That brings me back to the business of your goose.

I'd say it had been well and truly cooked.

All right, lads, gig's off.

In the back.

You just took on a hole, platoon, sir.

With your help, Troy. With you will help.

Mind you, if the armed response

unit's only 20 minutes away.

Yeah, pity we haven't got one.

Have they gone?

Yes.

A straight answer for once.

Did you or did you not tell the police what was going on?

Don't speak to me like some shoplifter up before the bench.

Loyalty is the one thing I ask of those around me

and never seem to get.

I notice you didn't lose your rag in front of that nice Mr.

Barnaby, Hector.

I'm not afraid of Barnaby, I assure you.

Well you should be.

He just caught you red handed in the act of being a bully.

I'm going to make some tea.

Do you want a cup?

Uh... yes.

Jenny, I often think of the fun we used to have together.

Parties, old friends, or comrades descending on.

Your friends, not mine.

I think we should try to retrieve a little of what

we had or call it a day.

Now, I'm willing to give the former serious consideration

if...

if... if you are.

I think it's a bit late for all that, Hector.

Don't you?

(music playing)

Did they fly into your into arms

and die just like the geese did?

These are Peter Fairfax's best sausages.

And as you know, pigs don't fly.

Talking of which, who called the please last night?

I did.

Thank you.

My mother's idea, though.

She seems to take a great interest in your welfare

for some reason.

Well perhaps you'd like to thank her for me too.

Here have a sausage.

I've done too many.

When you've done whatever you came here to do,

what are you going to do then?

When I've done what I came here to do...

oh, I see what you mean.

I don't know.

You must have some plan, surely.

Kent probably.

A spot of fruit picking.

It's a lousy job but all the strawberries you can eat.

And after that, if the weather holds,

we might nip across to Ireland.

At which point, it will chuck it down, of course.

What are your plans?

America, if Hector will cover.

Well, that's what I call a big if.

It doesn't have to be there.

It could China, India, the North Pole.

I just want to get away from here.

I remember that feeling.

If Hector doesn't cough up, perhaps I can come with you.

- Now, just hang on a second... Why not?

I'm tougher than I look.

Well, you may well be tough, but that's not the point.

I don't mean specifically with you.

- I mean with all of you. - I know what you meant.

Well, why not?

I did you a favour calling the police.

You may well dislike him, but something of Hector

has rubbed off on your Fleur.

He always kept a the ledger of obligations.

I did this for you, so you do this for me.

That's how he lost all his friends.

I'm sorry.

Why can't you join us?

It's simple.

Because none of us are actually going anywhere.

But you should be.

We're all just marking time, waiting for fates

to step in and change things.

Even you?

Especially me.

(music playing)

So what are we going to do today then

Blenheim Palace, I thought, the butterfly house.

(doorbell ringing)

I shall probably eat them, but, yes, terrific.

- [Troy] Mrs. B.

- [Joyce] Morning.

Go away, Troy.

Wish I could, sir.

It's the didicoys.

They've gone berserk.

- [Barnaby] Berserk, whose word is that?

- [Troy] Hector Bridges.

He rang the duty officer.

Oh, it's a chicken and tomato day by the look of it.

- [Troy] Just when you were getting fond of apples.

Not a punch up, not a horse fair, but a chariot race.

Leave the car.

(music playing)

You want a lift?

Why didn't you tell me about this?

Because you'd try to stop it.

Still might.

Start a riot?

You're not that daft.

We could always summon the armed response unit.

(music playing)

Bit race, 3 o'clock, Inspector.

Put a fiver on us.

(music playing)

I warned you they'd cause trouble, Barnaby.

Oh, I was thinking about what you told

me, about turning a blind eye.

Doesn't seem such a bad idea, does it?

Can I quote you on that, Inspector.

You can carve it in stone, Miss Dinsdale.

I shall still deny it.

You heard from the Lord Chancellor yet?

You know, Barnaby, I thought you were one of us.

I've watched you in court.

Solid, reliable.

Commanding respect.

And now here you are pandering to the dregs.

Don't be so pompous, Hector.

Come along, Tilly.

You and I will not grace this rabble with our presence.

We certainly won't, Hector.

Stay if you must, Felicity.

I've got a farm to run.

You run along deer.

Peter, where've you been.

5 pounds on the Smith team.

Fiver on Mr. Mooch, please.

(music playing)

What the hell do you want?

A letter arrived for me just before Easter.

It was written by an old comrade of ours, John Lampson.

He wrote it just before he died.

Read it.

Don't chuck your weight around in my house, Captain.

Read it.

- [Man] Pay attention to the starting flag.

Ready, set, go.

(cheers)

(gun shot)

(cheering)

(music playing)

(phone ringing)

Yes.

Shot once in the chest within the last hour.

3:15 according to the woman who found him, Muriel Saxby.

No weapon, just a box of cartridges.

The wife thinks there may be a gun missing.

We better find it.

- [Barnaby] Why would a man take off his belt just

before someone shoots him, huh?

Tom, is Jenny OK?

I know her slightly.

Who's Jenny?

Bridge's wife.

I thought her name was Muriel.

Whatever her name is, she'd like to see you.

Join me?

No, thank you.

One thing I'm not inspector is a humbug.

Whoever shot him has done me and Fleur a favour.

Where is Fleur?

She's over at the Saxbys.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, I think his killer stole a wine cooler.

(music playing)

One item?

Why didn't they take the lot?

Cause Hector disturbed them.

They shot him and legged it.

What?

Carrying a heavy wine cooler?

You or I would've dropped it.

Yeah, but it's 200 years old.

And weighs in at 40 grand on the insurance.

- [Troy] You phoned at quarter past 3:00, Mrs. Saxby.

Yes.

I didn't get to the chariot race.

I heard the shot.

As I ran over to the house,

I saw a man dash out of the study windows across the lawn.

Carrying a gun?

Yes.

- [Troy] Anything else?

Yes, he was carrying something else,

something close to his chest.

I can't remember what it was.

What was he like?

Dark clothes, brown hair, tall, oh, young, I'd say.

This is the second time someone

tried to kill Hector Bridges.

You reported it the first time it happened, seven years ago,

when you were married to him.

And you, Mr. Saxby were married to Jenny Bridges,

which makes you Fleur's father.

It's no secret.

You could have asked anyone in the village.

Yeah, but I'm just showing off.

And while I'm at it, Fleur, thank

you very much for the tip off about Hector and his friends

the other night.

How'd you know it was me?

Hector's getting his friends together.

You said, they're coming to the house.

Anyone who didn't live in the house,

would have said they're going to the house.

You've been very quiet, Mr. Tudway.

Perhaps like me, you wonder if with all

these marital high jinks.

There's not a motive for murder.

By the way, I'd like you and your people

to stay on for a bit.

First, you can't wait to get rid of us...

And then someone gets murdered.

Do you own the shotgun?

Those two remarks are not related, necessarily.

(music playing)

- [Troy] No guns, no wine cooler.

Hm, kind of neat, isn't it?

Well, that comes from living in a confined space.

On the other hand, order, tidiness can be a way of life.

Very nice.

I do believe I have found the link

between you and Hector Bridges.

I've been on the lookout for one ever since your most

perceptive remark, Troy.

Which one, sir?

Nicking the goose, it's almost as

if Orville was taunting him,

you said.

Army, that's what you and Hector Bridges have in common.

Well, are you going to tell us more about that?

Or we'll have to get it from the Ministry of Defence.

For a start, why did you take to the road?

That story varies depending on who I'm telling it to.

Troy, I'll search the other vans here.

You take the Smith mob.

Hang on a minute.

Why do you want us to split up?

Well, it's the most division of labour.

Oh, I see.

And the moment my back's turned, you

won't wolf down that Mars bar.

Troy, I am now a police officer investigating a murder.

What Mars bar?

The one in the glove compartment that you

thought I hadn't noticed.

Oh, damn.

(music playing)

Where you going?

Why?

Do I need your permission?

He's just looking out for you, girl.

That's all.

Well there's no need.

Bloke, works in the village shop,

taking me to the pictures.

OK?

No it isn't.

Oi, you lot, my boss wants you to stay on for a bit.

So he can fit us up with a murder?

Look, if I had my way, there'd be coppers swarming all

over you for the next month.

What is the price of silver these days?

No idea.

I bet.

How about I look in your van?

Search warrant?

She's right.

You should have a search warrant.

I ate it.

Kinky, eh?

And thick.

Nice colour, though.

Don't you push it mate.

Step aside.

(music playing)

Hello, Cully.

Oh, hi.

Sore nose?

Eh?

Blowing it all day, the tissue advert.

Oh, sorry, yeah.

A bit. No dinner for me.

Thanks, Mum.

OK.

Dad this murder in Martyr Warren,

if you haven't done so already, you'll

come across a bloke called Stefan Miller.

He works in the village shop.

For Peter Fairfax.

Whoever.

I was at school with him.

And I always thought he was a really good bloke.

Except for a year ago, he had a spot of bother

with Hector Bridges, after which...

What?

After which, he swore he'd kill him.

(door creaking)

Ah, morning, Inspector.

What can I get you?

The name of Hector Bridges killer, if you have it.

I don't stock needles, I'm afraid.

Especially, the ones with a haystack attached.

You're right.

It could be anyone, a traveller, one

of the punters at the races.

- [Troy] And half the village seems to born him a grudge.

Which is where you come in.

What?

Why I don't follow you.

The village shopkeeper, what you don't know

about your neighbor's business.

With the light, for example, the Saxby Bridges marriage

go round.

Tell me about that.- There's nothing to tell.

- It's a trade swap. - What?

No losers?

No bitterness?

You know, I'm not really the gossip you take me for.

What about the lad who works for you, Stefan Miller?

Oh, he's an ordinary young man.

He's a bit lazy.

Look, you and I may be destined

to have a long and complex relationship, Mr. Fairfax.

Please, don't begin it with a lie.

Well, Stefan, he borrowed a motorbike...

Stole it, January last year.

Look if you know why'd you ask me.

Hector Bridges sent him down for three months.

And when he came out, you took him under your wing.

He must be mad.

Come on, come on, Troy, be fair.

It was a first offence.

It wasn't as if he'd run over anyone.

Oh, I see.

You're here to dig that up again.

I think somebody tried to

kill Hector Bridges seven years ago.

Maybe that same person tried again yesterday and succeeded.

A car like mine was seen travelling the same road.

That was the only evidence against me.

And no charge was ever brought, as I'm sure you know.

Where will I find Stefan Miller?

That meek and mild shopkeeper, Troy, had more on his mind

than the price of eggs.

I still think we should have put the old thumbscrews

on the didicoys.

I know you do.

But there was no sign of a break-in at Hectors,

no sign of a struggle.

I think he was killed by someone he knew.

Besides which, if I'm wrong, we've

got to round up all those people at the chariot race

and go head to head with 50...

50... travellers.

What about this bloke Muriel saw running away.

Says she saw running away.

Young, tall, brown haired, she said.

We'll look around the pottager on our own then, shall we?

(music playing)

That was an odd thing to do, run away like that.

Force of habit.

When you see a police officer?

I'm also Cully's father.

She says that you are a really good bloke,

even though you swore to your friends

that you'd get Hector Bridges.

Yesterday, he was well and truly got.

Good riddance.

Not by me, though.

You had good cause.

He gave you three months for a minor crime.

You lost your job because of it.

Trouble is we've got a description of someone

running away from the scene.

And that could so easily be you.

It could even be your visitor.

What visitor?

This visitor.

Why does no one want to talk to us?

They can't all have murdered Hector Bridges.

Nice place, needs a sweep, of course.

Where is she?

Where's who?

I'm warning you, you stay away from her

or you'll live to regret it.

Just a minute...

Stay out this, copper.

The pair of you.

What is your problem?

I am Mr. Barnaby.

Come on, Rachel.

Work to do.

These are not our sort of people, Rachel.

What?

Are they too good for us or not good enough?

Different.

He's different to you, all right.

Plus, you left us with all the work, girl.

What... what sort of work?

That's our business.

Michael, someone was murdered in the village yesterday.

That's nothing to do with us.

And at that point, everything became my business.

So what work?

We do paths, tarmac.

Our card, Governor.

Smith Surfaces.

Michael is managing director.

I am a major investor.

You bought the shovel, did you?

Where do you figure in all this, Rachel.

Good worker is this girl.

One of our best.

One of our only.

Talk to you later, Stef.

You will not.

Mich... Michael, get off.

John, John.

Hm.

Keep Michael away from here.

And don't come here yourself.

Understood?

Stefan, the Smiths, they're dangerous people to cross.

You and Rachel, they won't stand for it.

(music playing)

All right, we'll let you start,

even though you did get an N.

Fancy a game, Tilly?

Oh, thanks all the same.

No, it's been a long day.

Piggies all right, dear?

Fine.

Tilly, I do know how you felt about Hector.

I'm sorry.

Oh, yes, me too.

Thank you, Peter.

I shall miss him.

- [Peter] Where's the y go in vinyl?

That's better.

Sorry, was there ever any romance between Hector

and Tilly?

Five vowels.

Poor you.

A thingie, you mean.

Good heavens, no I wouldn't have allowed it.

You spy, old dear, because like everyone else

you see Tilly as my guardian.

It's really the other way around.

Come on, Filly, darling, can't be all night.

So you'd have stepped in, would you?

Broken it up?

I would have done anything.

Now someone has spared me the task.

I wonder if we know them.

- [Felicity] Hector's killer?

I'm sure we do.

The point is, how well?

Any one in mind, my dear?

Besides me, that is.

Yes.

I think that nice Mr. Barnaby killed him.

He just can't prove it.

(laughing)

14.

Pathetic.

(music playing)

(gate creaking)

(gate creaks shut)

(music playing)

(chains rattle)

What are you doing?

Didn't you hear it?

What dear? The gates to the pig sties.

I think we're being rustled.

Come on.

Give me a hand.

Hurry up.

Did you see anything.

No, I didn't see anything.

(music playing)

Where are they?

Peter.

(gun shots)

(scream)

Got him.

- Morning, Cully. - Hi, Gavin.

Mrs. B.

Morning.

Good morning, sir.

Today is raw vegetable day, Troy.

So if you're going to crack any jokes, do so now.

Get it over with.

Dad, it's not his fault you're on a diet.

Oh, I'm sorry, low blood sugar.

Cheer me up, Troy, with something I

can use against Peter Fairfax.

That nice shopkeeper from Martyr Warren?

You know him?

Yes, he took over when Mrs. Bates died.

Must be seven years ago now.

That's when Hector was run over.

I should hearing this from you, Troy, not from my wife.

I've been banging my head against the Ministry

of Defence.

Hector Bridges and Orville both

served in the Falklands, after which Orville

resigned his commission.

Grew his hair and took to the road, eh?

Disenchantment or an offer he couldn't refuse.

Kicked out more like it.

Get back to them.

Get details.

What do you think is our main stumbling block here, Troy?

Too many people glad to seethe back of Hector Bridges.

Right.

No one dishing the dirt on his enemies.

(phone ringing)

Yep.

Yes, Miss Dinsdale.

We're on our way.

- [Barnaby] This may come as a surprise to you

Miss Dinsdale, and you, Miss Dinsdale,

but you are not allowed to shoot people.

Even if they're stealing from you?

- [Barnaby] Even i they're stealing from you.

Where's the gun?

- [Felicity] Peter it back in the rack dear. Peter? Who he?

Peter Fairfax.

Filly's gentleman caller, erst where.

He thinged one of them, I'm sure of it.

Winged him, dear.

How many shots did he fire?

Four.

Tilly, would you kindly show my sergeant

exactly where it happened.

I want all four cartridge cases, please, Troy.

Whose the Scramble fiend then?

Peter and me.

- [Barnaby] Your sister seems to have been

quite a fan of Hector Bridges.

Fancied him like mad when we were younger,

but I'm afraid he only had eyes for me.

He was an incredibly handsome man.

Who?

Hector Bridges?

Yeah.

But he cut no ice with you?

Certainly not.

Hector was a bully.

And in my humble opinion, shooting was too good for him.

I mean it, Inspector.

There was something of the night about Hector

it might pay you to examine.

What does he want them for, Sergeant?

To be honest, Miss Dinsdale, I'm not quite sure.

Check these with the one we found at Hector's.

You think it came from this gun?

On a chilly nights, Troy, Peter Fairfax

gets his cocoa here and more.

You mean, they're at it?

I didn't quite, Troy.

You heard what he said.

He went straight to the cupboard, took the gun out.

No qualms about using it.

So?

So what if he borrowed it last week

and shot Hector Bridges with it?

Where Will Saxby work?

He's head forester, Causton Woods.

(music playing)

Sir.

I told him to stay away from Stefan's.

You want to go back?

No.

(knocking)

Thought we should have a quiet word.

About what?

Rachel.

Can I come in?

Yeah, sure.

(music playing)

They're all looking at you, Troy,

thinking how the hell did he manage that?

As, indeed, am I.

- [Barnaby] If my daughter had been abused

by Hector Bridges,

I might have wanted to kill him.

- [Will] It would be a strange man who didn't.

How did you find out?

In every village, Mr.Saxby, there's always someone

who knows all your business.

When did it start?

- [Will] Fleur told me about it four years ago

when she was 14.

So if I killed him because of that,

makes me very slow to anger.

Maybe you were waiting for an opportunity.

Intuitive woman, your wife, senses you're in trouble

and comes a running.

Anything wrong?

I was asking him if he'd killed Hector Bridges.

What?

Men, fathers, would do anything

to avenge their daughters and wives

to protect their husbands.

You're shielding him, aren't you?

That story about the boy running away.

He know about the Hector Fleur business.

Did either of you confront him about it?

Yes, he denied it.

And you thought changing partners would be a doddle.

One, two, three, eh.

Thanks, lads.

Still, like everybody else, you're not sorry

that Hector Bridges is dead.

To be honest, Inspector, we feel a sense of relief.

Things will change now.

They certainly will, especially if one of you

goes to prison.

Sooner rather than later.

Orville, roast pork was that on the menu last night?

What?

Spot of pig rustling down at Tapping farm, only the pig

got away.

I don't know what you're talking about, Inspector.

All right, I'll change the subject.

The Falkland Islands, you were there with Hector.

Absolutely.

Tell me more.

We're bound to find out about it eventually.

From the MOD?

Blood out of a stone.

If you're not careful, sir, he'll do a runner.

No, I don't think he will.

He's got other things on his mind.

It's biodegradable.

Hello, Mrs. Bridges?

- [Bridges] Dining room.

Oh, we're making an inventory for probate.

I'm sorry to barge in.

That's quite all right.

What can I do for you?

I'd like a word with Fleur, if I may, please.

- [Barnaby] I hear you going to America, Fleur.

I'm going to New York to stay with my aunt.

Who told you?

Your father.

He was worrying about it, that he couldn't finance

and Hector wouldn't.

So I killed him.

And we all lived happily ever after.

He was more worried about your safety.

You know, a young woman alone...

Yes, well, he needn't be.

Oh, I can see that now.

Maybe he thought Hector Bridges had broken your spirit

doing what he did to you.

Yes, that's all in the past.

No, no, it lives on, this stuff.

Believe me, we hear about it every day.

And those who were abused, sometimes

themselves become abusers.

That is a dreadful thing to say.

No, it's the truth.

Not that it applies to Fleur, though.

Because Hector never touched you, did he?

Why did you say he did?

To punish him for ousting your father?

Or did you plan to tap in to him for something you wanted?

No, no.

(running foot steps) Who benefits from Hector's

will, Mrs. Bridges?

Muriel gets a third, which bugs me a little.

but I'll manage on the rest.

So now you can afford to send Fleur to America, hm?

You going to stay here?

Yes, it was Hector I didn't like very much, not his house.

- [Troy] Well, at least she honest, sir.

Honesty can be as big a smoke screen as deceit, Troy.

Another brick. Will I be able to see over this wall

by the time it's finished?

Of course, you will.

Education makes you taller.

I think Jenny Bridges was expecting us.

What does that tell you?

Phone call from Will Saxby.

Oh, there's a thought.

What if the Saxby's and Jenny are in this together, eh?

Well, you'd have to lay off Peter Fairfax, sir.

Oh.

In spite of your honesty, she did tell one lie.

That the young lad in the drawing room

making the inventory.

Solicitor's clerk, I guess.

No, no, he wasn't.

He was the Son part of Holdane and Son,

estate agents and auctioneers.

He's selling up.

(phone ringing) Moving on.

Sudden decision or part of a long-term plan.

Troy.

Mm, hm.

OK, thanks.

There's a mammoth fax back at the office, sir.

Kent CID.

They dug up something on your friend Fairfax.

What we did not put into this equation

was Barnaby and the fact that he might have a brain.

Do you think he knows what happened?

Why else does he keep coming back?

More questions, more subtle intimidation.

He doesn't come to us, Jenny.

Must be something you're doing.

Does it matter who's to blame?

Well, of course not.

But she never misses a chance to score points.

Just as you're always the one to spoil things.

Oh, I don't think that's fair, love.

Who was the driving force behind our well

snickered at change of partners?

you?

That will be the day.

This isn't the time or the place...

At least Hector could be fun.

- Thank you. - Fun?

Hector?

Yes, he was.

Until you and your wretched daughter took him over.

He was also a dangerous man, which

is why we're all stuck in the same boat

with that bloody copper getting nearer and nearer.

Good God, Will, you nearly came alive then.

Out of desperation.

We've got to do something.

Any ideas?

Well, I've got one.

But it needs putting into practise now.

And I mean right now.

(music playing)

Mr. Fairfax.

Kent CID say you lived with a Katherine Hamilton

for 10 years.

She died in a car crash near Dover seven years ago.

The driver of that car was Hector Bridges.

He was stone cold sober according to the inquest.

But you all knew otherwise.

So you moved down here.

Began by just visiting for the odd day.

- [Troy] Suppose he recognised you?

No, no, I hadn't been at the inquest.

I was too upset.

And Kate and I weren't married.

So he didn't recognise the surname.

So with all this in your favour,

you set about trying to kill him.

Hm.

I can imagine someone in my position wanting to do that,

yes.

Oh, this is where you become hypothetical, is it?

Why didn't that someone have another go at Hector Bridges

later on?

Perhaps like me, he met someone who rebuilt his life.

Felicity Dinsdale?

Who owns a gun with which you are all too familiar.

I didn't kill him, Inspector.

Ask Felicity, I was with her all afternoon on Saturday.

And she wouldn't lie for you?

No, please, please, don't don't touch them.

Why not?

Kate's ashes, I buried them there.

That probably is a crime, hallowed ground and all that.

Sir.

You want to keep that one for yourself.

You won't shut me up with a load to horse meat, Mickey.

Then what can I do to put a smile on your face?

You can make sure I don't wind up dead

at 40, worn through to the bloody bone,

slaving me guts out for you.

Oh, this Stefan, he's a big provider, is he?

Why don't you let me go and I'll find out.

Michael, I am busting a gut trying to keep

this murder out of your court.

And how do you repay me?

With a bit of pin poaching.

We're vegetarians.

Oh, you weren't down there at Tapping

Farm, three of you with a pair of bolt cutters last night

then?

Not us, Mr. Barnaby.

Where is he?

Where's your grandfather?

In his van probably.

He's a vegetarian too.

What do you want him for?

John.

I want to know why he called on Stefan Miller

when I told him not to.

John.

John?

You there?

- [Barnaby] Get the ambulance.

- [Michael] What's wrong? What's happened?

- [Barnaby] Don't touch him. Don't touch anything in here.

- [Troy] Yeah, we need an ambulance.

Is he OK?

No, he's not.

He's killed him.

Not much of a mystery, Tom, from my point of view, any way.

He's fallen backwards, been pushed,

I reckon, and hit his head on the corner of the basin.

How long has he been dead.

Two hours maximum.

Put up quite a struggle before he went, by the look of it.

Here. Oh, thanks.

Tom, you putting on weight?

Only I can recommend a very good diet.

Kat lost 20 pounds in three weeks.

Come see me.

It's the light in here, sir.

Take a look at these.

Look at the workmanship, the patience

that went into making that.

Strange hobby for a man, Troy.

But it does explain me with none to spare

and yours being a bit kinky.

It's made of human hair.

Right, you carry on here.

I'll get him to a mortuary.

Sir.

- [Barnaby] What?

I swear to God it wasn't here the last time I searched.

We advance, Troy.

Rachel, where's your brother.

He was here a minute ago.

Well, he said something when he saw your grandfather's body.

He's killed him, he said.

Who'd he mean?

Stefan, I expect.

Troy.

(music playing)

Whoa.

Easy, easy.

(music playing)

I'll put this down to your grief for the moment.

What the hell is wrong with him?

His grandfather's just been murdered.

Oh, my God.

And he thinks you did it.

He came here to tell you to stay away from her.

He came to tell me he didn't want Rachel

lugging tarmac the rest of life and what

was I going to do about it.

This is not just about nicking a motorbike.

This is about murder.

You were seen running away from the Bridges house.

Look, I can't have been.

I wasn't there.

And like everyone else, you believe that the travellers

would be blamed.

And this afternoon, you planted the wine cooler

in one of the vans to help things along a bit.

Look, I've been in the shop all afternoon.

Ask Peter.

Who then?

Michael, go back to the camp and wait.

(music playing)

Come on.

Come on.

I'm all he's got left.

(music playing)

(doorbell ringing)

- [Barnaby] Stefan Miller

says that you can give him an alibi.

He was in the shop all afternoon.

Yes, that's true.

But you weren't.

We found you in the graveyard, hop, skip, and jump

away from John Smith's caravan.

And you are going to get me for something.

How long were you away from the shop?

Oh, I don't know, about 40 minutes.

Look, are you investigating these murders, Inspector, or

a car accident seven years ago.

Well, you prove to me they were not linked.

Well, for a gap of seven years, how can they be?

There's an old saying, beware the wrath of a patient man.

Yes, I must remember that.

You know, the sadness of all this

for me is that I might have been able to help you

if I'd followed my instinct.

How's that?

Well, when I heard the shot, I thought, shall I pop over?

It clearly came from Hector's.

I could have spotted the killer.

But I thought, no, it's something

to do with that absurd race.

No, the race was over by the time he was killed.

No, it was just beginning.

I heard the crowd roar.

And then a moment later...

bang.

(music playing)

Mr. Saxby, Mrs. Saxby, Hector Bridges was shot at 3 o'clock.

You said you heard it at 3:15.

I think you've been lying to me.

I must have been mistaken.

You ran across to the Bridges' house.

That takes three minutes.

Where is he?

He's in the study.

Another minute.

Is he alive?

Is he dead?

A phone call, another minute.

That's 5 minutes at most.

Where are the other 10 minutes?

I don't know.

I panicked.

And did you panic when you reported that car

accident seven years ago?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means it's odd your wife was present on both occasions.

Right, you've got the rest of the day to recall

these missing 10 minutes.

And it had better be good.

You know, another thing that's been

nagging away at me, Troy?

The word taunting.

As say my perceptive remark, sir?

Yeah, who apart from the MOD who don't want to talk to us,

would know why Orville was taunting Hector?

His old army pals, sir?

Pick one, anyone, at random, and pay them a visit tomorrow.

Relax.

Lean back, Charlie.

Lean back, Charlie.

That's it.

Everybody I know lives on the edge of a page.

This Major Lampson is no exception.

Lampson?

There's a long way to go on the off chance.

Phone him up first.

Dad... (phone dialling) aren't you forgetting something?

- [Troy] Hello, could I speak to Major Lampson, please?

Oh, good, it's banana day.

- [Troy] Just a sec.

Sir, it's Mrs. Lampson.

She'd like a word.

Hello.

(music playing)

Mr. Tudway.

You bellowed, Inspector.

We've been talking to an army widow, Ellen Lampson.

Need I say more?

No, but I'm sure you will.

I thought this murder was a many-layered thing.

But it's dead simple.

You shot Hector Bridges over something that happened

15 years ago in the Falklands.

I did not shoot Hector Bridges.

I wanted him a life.

Well, that makes you almost unique.

Your mind telling us why?

Bearing in mind that I already know.

April 17, 1982, Hector Bridges sent me up a hill

with just eight men.

There were 12 Argentinians, he said, firing down on us.

So come nightfall, off I went.

But there weren't 12 up there.

There were 30.

And when I came down that hill I had four

wounded and three men dead.

Is that you took to the road.

And then just before he died, John Lampson wrote to me

care of the village shop here.

Hector Bridges had known the enemy's strength all along.

He should have waited for reinforcements.

But, no, he wanted to press on, take somewhere else,

become a hero.

So he got the medal and you carried the can.

- [Troy] That's motive enough to kill him.

I took John letter... well, I took a copy of it to show

to Hector the day of the race.

He'd been drinking.

What the hell do you want?

A letter arrived for me just before Easter

from an old comrade of ours, John Lampson.

He wrote it just before he died.

Read it.

Don't chuck your weight around in my house, Captain.

Read it.

All right.

What do you want?

I want you to admit what you did publicly.

How old fashioned of you.

I've blamed myself for 15 years for those deaths.

Now it's time to blame you.

And who do you think they'll believe?

Me, here, in the big house.

Or you, out there living in a horse drawn cart.

- [Barnaby] While all this was going on,

were you aware of anyone outside in the hall,

listening at the door.

Was there someone?

At a rough guess, whoever killed him.

Right, you can go, all of you, leave.

You mean you believe me?

I do.

All right, see you at Glastonbury.

- [Troy] Why isn't he going?

Handsome fellow, Orville Tudway, don't you think?

In some lights.

Educated, charming, witty, original, and not a woman

in sight.

Or perhaps there is one and we just can't see her.

He could be a daisy, sir.

It's unlikely.

There's something I want to put to the test,

requires a little self-sacrifice from one of us.

Thank you so much for the offer.

Follow me.

(music playing)

Orville Tudway, I want to see what

he does when my back is turned.

What are you going to be doing, sir?

Telling the Smiths they can go.

Fair enough.

Uh... no snacking.

Troy, a little faith in me wouldn't do you any harm.

(music playing)

(horn honking)

(music playing)

What's up?

Nothing.

Call me.

(music playing)

(geese honking)

(pigs oinking)

Afternoon, Miss Dinsdale.

Your sister about?

She'll be making tea, Inspector.

Tell her I'll be in shortly.

- [Felicity] I wonder if you'd

care for a slice of this, Inspector?

Yes, yes, I would, please.

It's a brand new line evidently.

Just a sliver.

And why did you want to see me?

When I asked you about Hector Bridges...

oh, this is lovely...

when I asked you about Hector, you

said there was something of the night about him,

that he had a dark side, that it would pay me to explore,

that he was given to abuse.

Is that true?

Especially after a few drinks.

Now, I don't want to press you for uncomfortable details...

(phone ringing) oh, excuse me.

Barnaby.

Sir, there's nothing happening.

Perhaps we should make something happen.

What are you eating?

Banana.

(phone disconnects) Now, where was I?

You were about to press me for uncomfortable details,

Inspector.

Oh, yeah, abuse.

(knocking)

Come in.

Please, take a seat.

Now, Mrs. Saxby, the missing 10 minutes.

I have nothing more to say, Inspector.

I believe you heard the shot and you went

over there, just as you said.

Which means she didn't kill him.

Ah, but you met whoever did.

And I imagine he was in quite a state.

So what did you do?

Calm him down?

Give him a story?

And then you took the wine.

Described to me a young man who was never

there, making off with it.

And then you took the shotgun, which

no doubt, you've disposed of.

How I'm doing so far?

If I'm to answer any more questions,

I'd like a solicitor to be present.

Very wise.

When are you off New York then, Fleur?

I'm not going to New York anymore.

I'm going to Milan instead.

Oh, Milan.

When?

Tomorrow.

I have a cousin there, works for the British Council.

Well, have a pleasant trip.

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much for coming in.

Is that all?

Yes, yes.

I didn't really want to see you.

I just wanted to get you away from the house.

(phone ringing)

- [Bridges] Hello.

You do realise we're alone, don't you?

- [Bridges] I know.

But should we risk it?

Whose to see us?

(music playing)

Hey, Troy.

Troy... Troy, what the hell is going on?

You were right, sir.

There was a woman in his life, Jenny Bridges.

So what?

With the daughter grown up and off to New York,

Jenny could finally run off with him.

But she didn't have to kill anyone to run off with Orville.

She needed Hector's money, sir.

Well, she could have divorced him and got most of it.

Sir, would you just listen to me?

She admits to killing Hector Bridges.

- [Barnaby] Well done, Troy.

Shall I charge her, sir.

No, put her in the coll over night.

We'll charge her in the morning.

What's verdict?

You've done it.

Congratulations.

Does that me I can go back to eating normally?

Canteen lunches every day?

No.

Cully.

That's the chef at the Thai takeaway.

He's marvellous.

Honestly, what that man can do...

Cully, you're on TV. Joyce, turn it up.

Turn it up.

- [Cully] He can turn the simplest of foods

into a feast to serve to your friends.

And you'll find them saying, how on Earth does she do it?

But there's a snag.

Pat doesn't do desserts.

But Carter Bowman do.

And they've been making gateau like these for over 50 years.

You should try the latest.

I thought it was about tissues.

- [Cully] Fantastica.

That isn't just what I think it.

That's what it's called, Fantastica, from Carter Bowman.

While I've been eating cabbage soup,

you are stuffing your face with chocolate gateau.

What sort of daughter are you, huh?

Dad, I didn't have the heart to tell you.

If it's any consolation, they taste awful.

I wouldn't say that, Cully.

Hello, can I book an alarm call,

please, for 4:00 AM tomorrow

morning.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

It's 10 past 6:00.

Is that too early for you?

No.

- [Barnaby] Now can I get this straight?

You told Sergeant Troy that

you wanted to run off with Orville,

you wanted Hector's money and so you killed him.

Yes.

(chuckles)

The thing about a confession is

that it really should be true.

You didn't kill him for money or for freedom.

You could divorce him.

One doesn't consider that in the heat of the moment.

- [Barnaby] Ah, the old hot moment, eh?

What so fired you up then to

the point of killing your husband?

You, who seem so icy, so cool.

I'll tell you one thing that did happen,

you had a row with Hector.

You hear any of that, Jenny?

Yes, I did.

Well, tell me what was said.

Well, I can't remember verbatim.

Is it important, Inspector?

It's vital, because whatever was said made her

take a shotgun to her husband.

Why don't you remind her, Orville.

- [Hector] Fine thing to do to an old comrade.

Screwing his wife.

- [Orville] What?

- [Hector] Oh, close your mouth for God's sake.

Do you think I haven't noticed.

Why don't you do us both a favour, take the slag and run.

It's what you were planning to do.

And while you're about it, take the bloody daughter as well.

Conniving, grasping, little tart.

You said enough.

You know she reckons she's going to New York on my money.

Is there anything more laughable than a stupid woman?

Except of course for a stupid man.

- [Barnaby] So you picked up the gun and shot him.

You're standing there.

It's already loaded.

Up it goes.

And bang.

No, I don't buy that.

That's exactly how it was.

I don't see you taking offence at a few insult.

It wasn't what you said about me.

And I don't see you behind the door either.

Poor Sergeant Troy, he's arrested the wrong person.

It's 6:15.

And now, I'll tell you what I don't see.

I see Will Saxby, Muriel and Orville in cahoots

with you protecting whoever was behind that door.

And I see you here now confessing

to a crime you didn't commit.

And I ask myself, would I take the blame for my daughter?

And what's the answer?

Yes, I would.

That's why you sent her away, isn't it?

It was going to be to the States but that would

take time to arrange visas, and I

was breathing down your neck.

For Italy, all you need is a ticket and off you go.

6:20, her flight at...

(foot steps) yes.

Mum, what's going to happen to me?

- [Barnaby] I'm sorry I didn't believe that you'd

been abused by Hector Bridges.

I made the classic mistake that abuse can only

be one thing, sexual abuse.

And you weren't a victim of that.

Good old fashioned brutality didn't cross my mind.

And when we spoke of it up in the woods,

you didn't correct me, did you?

In case the belt we'd found beside Hector

led me back to Fleur and the fact

he was about to beat the hell out her with it.

The only thing I don't understand is why.

I heard the argument with Orville.

- [Hector] On my money.

And what he said about me.

- [Hector] The stupid woman.

That he wasn't going to pay me to go to America

to get away from him.

(music playing)

If you listen to keyholes, you'll

hear things you don't like.

And the things he can use.

If he doesn't do something with that letter, I will.

(laughs) How come everybody in this village hates you?

Do they?

Peter Fairfax tried to kill you over what

you did to his girlfriend.

Stefan Miller, you put away for some petty crime.

And Muriel, what did she do to put up with you thumping her?

Often for less reason than you're giving me now.

And Jenny, do you knock her around just to keep your hand.

All these people will help me.

Yes, come on, Hector, give me a real beating.

Show me what a man you are.

Orville may be a traveller, but he's

head and shoulders above you.

(gun shot)

(sobbing)

Fleur, Fleur, look at me.

I will do everything I can to help you.

I promise.

But I can't help you with the death of John Smith.

(music playing)

You won't have to, Inspector.

The wine cooler?

Was that one of your cack-handed ideas?

I thought they're all in our paddock trading horses.

John Smith wasn't.

He was in his caravan napping.

He went for me.

We struggled.

He fell.

You killed him.

(sobbing)

And if they hadn't swapped partners, none of this

would have happened.

Right.

I'm dreading this, you know.

That's what you said last time.

Hi, we were looking at a pair of chinos a couple of weeks

ago.

I remember.

We didn't have them in the gentleman's size.

You will now.

I'm afraid we're going to have one colour left, madame.

Do I look like a red trouser man to you?

Meaning no offence, sir, you're

more the cavalry twill sort.

You got on my nerves last time I was in here.

Tom.

Dad, lunch, Carlos's, Temple Street.

And I remember sir comparing us

favourably to Marks and Spencer.

The day you can offer as much choice...

He's coq au vin with bread and butter pudding.

(theme music playing)