Original subtitles

This is my boss, Jonathan hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy, 'cause when they met...

It was murder.

[♪♪]

Well, what do you think?

[Whining]

Ah, you're just jealous.

Maybe you're right. I won't wear it.

[Freeway barking]

Darling, do you know how long it's been since we had a vacation at the ranch?

Has it been that long? Longer!

Well, we didn't get held up in Hamburg.

After we got delayed in Denmark and stuck in Sweden.

And nailed down in nice.

And if you hadn't showed up, I would've probably rued it in rouen

and perished pathetically in propriano.

How do you like that?

Very poetic. Ah, thanks.

Well, for the next few weeks, all we're going to do is rest and relax.

And I'm gonna go on a diet.

A diet?

Darling, German pancakes,

Danish pastries, Swedish sausages,

and France! Oh!

And it all wound up right here.

Every delectable ounce.

How is it you always know the right thing to say?

Just good instincts,

and I have an empathetic understanding for women.

[Laughs] And...

I also like you a little, uh, plump.

What?

You know, kind of round and kind of rich

and, you know, that sort of Reuben's look.

You what?

You like me how?

I like that Reuben's look. Robust... Reuben's?

Like Reuben's... Round and robust?

Will you take it... [Groans]

You sexist savage.

You better smile when you say that part.

[Both giggling]

[Sheriff on megaphone] Pull over!

[Siren blaring]

Hiya. How you doing?

Looks like we've got some orders to ride shotgun with you.

[Indistinct police chatter on radio]

Everybody just stay right where you are, this is a solo act.

Nobody move.

Come on, now. Hey!

[Siren wailing]

[Sirens wailing in distance]

Ah! Beautiful. Thank you, Mr. Lawrence.

Tanner. I'm Larry Tanner from now on.

Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, Mr. Tanner,

you'll find your new passport and papers in that Manila envelope.

Good.

But, first, we have to take care of Jennifer Edwards.

Oh, wait a minute, I almost forgot.

Her name is Jennifer hart now, right?

Did you locate her?

Yes, sir. She and her husband got back from Europe yesterday.

They're going up to their ranch tomorrow. It's a very secluded location.

It's eight miles to the nearest town.

That's perfect. Rent us a place nearby, as close as possible.

One question, Mr. Tanner.

You're out now. You could be out of the country by dark.

Why look for trouble?

I did five years of hard time

because of Jennifer Edwards, Jennifer hart.

I owe the lady.

Yes, sir, but is it worth the risk?

The risk is half the pleasure.

[Jonathan] I feel as if I'm leading an invasion with this convoy.

How much gear did we bring?

[Jennifer] Well, you know Max. He always packs for the duration,

including his computer.

There she is.

Welcome home, Jennifer.

Mr. Hart. Hiya, Max.

Well, Wayne, how's everything going?

Well, I guess you know about them:

Your advertising people.

They set up down by the old barn and corral.

[Gunshots in distance] You can't see them, but you know they're here.

They haven't been messing up my kitchen, have they?

No, Max, they mostly eat out of cans or they heat up frozen dinner.

That's uncivilized!

I'll get lunch ready, Mr. and Mrs. H.

A half hour to a veritable taste treat.

- Great. - That sounds good.

Wayne, would you help me get some of this stuff in the house?

-[Screaming in distance] -All right, Mrs. H. All right.

I'll be right back. I'll check on our guests.

Like I said, you sure know they're here.

- Hello, Mike. - Oh, ciao.

- Well, you seem a little frantic. - Well, thanks, boss.

It's that damned limey!

What's this? Prejudice?

No, just personal hatred.

Rupert barrington, our genius director,

imported at vast expense from London.

Well, so far, he's rejected eight models,

assaulted our casting director,

and he's assaulting model number nine right now.

I mean, the man's an egocentric psychopath.

It's the werewolf of the Westin there.

- Listen, buddy, don't touch me! - Oh, you're Nicole, are you?

Why did you hire him?

Because he's brilliant.

The monster.

[Rupert] You're too tall. I wanted someone shorter.

- This is ridiculous! - That belt's an absolute disaster...

- But not the wrong color! - Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?

I'm not too tall.

You're too short.

Who's your agent, Nicole?

- Get out of my way! - Excuse me.

Do you see that stupid cow?

I simply explained to her she was totally wrong for the project and...

Extraordinary.

Oh, she's a perfect piece of plastic, I Grant you that.

But she's got no presence, none.

You're barrington?

My dear fellow, I am the Rupert Allen tremaine barrington.

I made radial tires heroic,

eye glasses immortal

and I intend to turn hart jeans into genius.

You know, what I can't understand is

why this half-witted tycoon, Jonathan hart,

refuses to let me hire the sort of model that I want.

Well, I see you found him, Jonathan.

Did I tell you he was a monster?

Jonathan.

Hart?

Hart.

Ah!

And I suppose you expect an apology, do you?

- Do you intend to give me one? - Not bloody likely!

Why can't I have a model who looks like a woman, not like a doll?

Well, that's a good question. Mike?

Well, I...

I think I'll let Graham explain that to you.

Our casting director. Graham Spence, meet Jonathan hart.

How do you do? Mr. Hart.

Explain your rather dubious choice of model, Spence.

We've done extensive media research.

The public prefers the concept of feminine beauty which is Nicole Andrews.

Made out of polyvinyl chloride.

Damn it, I want a woman who fits the landscape!

Mike, uh, Spence,

- is Mr. Barrington... - Do call me Rupert.

Is Rupert as good as he thinks he is?

Almost.

Well, then you can choose whomever you want.

Shoot one sequence on her. We'll all take a look at her.

If we think she's better, fine.

If not, then you'll use Nicole Andrews.

Fair enough?

Fair enough.

You know, you've presented me with rather a nasty problem.

Yeah, what's that?

I've always loathed the very rich and you're forcing me to change my mind.

And I detest changing my mind.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hart.

Jonathan.

Mmm.

Oh, Max, that was delicious!

- Mmm, it was. - More wine, Mr. H?

No thanks, Max.

- Mrs. H? - Mmm-mmm. No, thank you.

Well, this Mr. Barrington sounds very difficult.

Except, I like him.

Oh, that's just because you're easy.

Oh, yeah?

How about a ride after lunch? Up to the rimrock?

Yeah, that'd be good. But can you pick me up?

I've got to get this model situation straightened out.

Well, how long is that going to take?

Oh, it shouldn't take too long now that barrington's got everything that he wants.

To you.

Ah, and you.

Easy, huh?

Very.

[Horse neighing]

No, no, no. God almighty,

I asked for an aristocrat, not a bloody barmaid!

You know, I don't have to take that kind of crack, Ms. Saunders.

I think the only thing you're going to take, my darling, is your departure.

- Rupert, we are trying. - And failing.

How about joni here?

Now, wait a minute.

She is perfect!

There she is. Still beautiful.

She is absolutely exquisite.

Authentic elegance in the delectable flesh.

You, girl, what's your name?

- Me? - Yes, you.

- Jennifer. - Jennifer.

Amazing. Real.

What do you make of her, hart?

Well, I can't really answer that. You see, I know the lady personally.

Well, who is she? What is she?

It seems that this man has fallen in love with you.

Oh.

Precisely.

Frankly, I can't blame him.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Well, damn it, hart, introduce me.

Uh, this is my wife, Jennifer.

Darling, this is Rupert barrington.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Your wife! Ha! That's absolutely perfect.

Now, I expect you think I'm a complete idiot,

but I want you!

Um, I think Rupert wants you to star in our commercial.

Ah! No, no, no.

Great bones. Sits on a horse beautifully.

With exactly the right air of aristocratic sexuality.

- Quite marvelous. - No.

Yes, ma'am. Now, you're going to play a part of a lady in the old west.

A sort of calamity Jane, outlaw, gunslinger.

But with an authentic, aristocratic, jeans-clad presence.

Wherever you go, you're in style.

Mrs. Hart...

I can make you immortal.

Thank you, but no thank you.

She's absolutely perfect.

Obviously, the lady is not interested.

[Sighing]

Joni's ready now, Mr. Barrington.

Oh, I'm a Saint amongst men!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, darling,

this whole thing is crazy.

It's insane.

[Chuckles] I am not a model.

You're not even attractive.

That's right. What?

Except for that aristocratic sexuality.

[Scoffs] I can't do it.

Darling, I'm wrong.

My nose... my cheeks are too cheeky.

Great cheeks. Fantastic packaging.

Do you really think I could do it without making an idiot of myself?

I think you'd be great.

And you'd be doing us a great favor.

All right, I'll do it.

You will?

Just for you. Because I love you.

Ah! Well, let's spread the word.

Okay!

Well, that's marvelous news, Jennifer!

But I must say that I am a little nervous.

[Rupert] There's nothing to be frightened of.

Now, we're going to start shooting here tomorrow.

But, first of all, I want to get a shot of you here

in a nice, old-fashioned, family setting.

And then you invade a cut-throat, western poker game.

And you outbid the tinhorn gamblers and gunmen,

and, uh, the whole thing culminates in a shoot-out.

Okay?

She's going to be just fine.

Rupert really is the best.

Oh, I'm sorry. Mr. Hart, Mike said you wanted to talk to me?

Yes, I did.

Congratulations, Mrs. Hart.

Uh...

Nicole, the reason I wanted to talk to you

is because I'm sure that you feel like you've been mistreated,

and I'm very sorry.

It happens. I'll heal.

Well, if it will help, I've arranged for you to do a major commercial

for our electronic division.

- You interested? - Interested?

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help. That's great!

Good-bye, Jennifer.

[Engine starts]

[Tires screeching]

[Nicole screaming]

That truck came from out of nowhere,

hit her and, uh, just disappeared.

Some drunken idiot?

And the sheriff's office said that there's no chance of us ever identifying the truck.

Translation, file and forget.

The hospital just called. She's going to be okay.

- Great. - Thank god.

They said she has a fractured tibia and a few scratches,

but, uh, that's it.

Uh, Mike, will you tell them that we'll take care of all of the treatment?

I could have predicted that. Yeah, I'll take care of it.

Very generous of you, Jonathan.

Ah, Nicole is working for us. She's one of our people.

I see.

Well, I also work for you.

And I'm gonna try and do my damnedest

to produce something really brilliant for you.

Jennifer, prepare to welcome stardom.

- Just like that? - Just like that.

All right. Right, thank you.

The hospital says that the girl that you hit,

Nicole Andrews, is going to recover.

She looked just like Jennifer hart.

That is her bad luck.

At least they can't trace you.

All right, I want a complete rundown on the commercial crew.

I want to know who's for sale.

We're going to set this up right.

And this time, we won't miss.

Thank you.

Oh, look at that! She's beautiful!

Always has been, always will be.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Are you insane?

What?

Jennifer is a key element in a work of art.

Do not touch!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Thank you. Now if you'll kindly move your plutocratic backside

from the field of vison, we can get on with it.

- [Laughs] - Go on, out!

Out!

- See you later. - Shoo!

Okay, stand by, villains!

Now, Jennifer, when I say, "action," I want you to run to this carriage.

- Carriage? - Wagon.

Wagon. Yes, you run to the wagon

and off you go, hotly pursued by these two villains

who will come out from behind the trees.

But you out distance them and you knock one of them off with your whip...

Just in time to reach your goal which is the tea party here.

And you pull up, jump off the wagon,

and, thanks to the miracle of film, you will appear perfectly attired.

Understood? Good. Right. Okay, quiet!

Stand by, everybody!

Go on, villains, get going. Go on! Shoo!

Stand by!

[Man] Quiet!

- All right, ladies and gentlemen... - And action!

- [Gunshots] - [Villain urging horse]

[Villain] Whoa! Whoa!

Hya!

Ow!

Whoa!

And cut it!

Good, Jennifer.

But not good enough. We're gonna do another one.

- Now, look, I want more assurance. You know? - What?

You're wind-blown, casual, vital.

A real woman in an artificial world.

We're going to do another one. Okay?

- Another one? - Another one.

Well, how many times do we have to do this?

Until you get it right, darling. Okay, here we go!

Stand by, everybody!

Until I get it right?

[Jennifer] Oh, darling, I am dead.

[Jonathan] I'm going to get you a Brandy, give you a hot bath,

and then one of my first-class massages.

[Laughs] Oh, you're brilliant.

Well, so are you.

Rupert actually smiled.

You know, I think he likes torturing people.

We're not really giving a party tonight, are we, darling?

- Yes, we are. - [Groans]

In about one hour and a half.

Do we have to?

You're the star.

[Imitating Greta garbo] Yes, and I want to be alone with you.

Oh? Well, maybe we can arrange that.

And be a little bit late.

- [Groans] Oh! - Oh, sorry.

No, my back doesn't feel too good.

[♪♪]

There you go, Mrs. H. Same for you, Mr. H?

Yeah, thanks, Max.

Frankly, I thought you'd be too tired to eat?

Oh, no, I have a wonderful remedy for that.

- Food. - I expect you to be dazzling tomorrow.

- Moderation in all things, please. - Absolutely.

- Spare ribs or chicken or both? - Spare ribs, please.

- All right, get yourself a plate. - Yeah.

What if they recognize the truck?

In this country, everybody past the age of puberty drives one.

Relax, now. I'm a concerned neighbor dropping in.

She may recognize you, though.

Jennifer Edwards has seen me exactly twice,

in court, without a beard, and years ago.

Five hard-time years ago.

Now, she's Jennifer hart...

And I'm Larry Tanner. We're different people.

Besides, the fun in this is walking the edge,

when I know it and she doesn't.

When I can think to myself...

"Lady, you're going to be dead."

[Guests chatting]

Mr. and Mrs. Hart. Hello,

-I'm a neighbor of yours. Larry Tanner. -Oh, how are you?

The sheriff's office told me what happened last night.

I just wanted you to know

that my foreman spotted a truck running past my place,

without any lights on last night, rimrock.

We gave a description to the sheriff. I just hope it helps.

- Oh, thanks very much. - Well, that's very neighborly of you, Mr. Tanner.

Larry, please.

Actually, I have ulterior motives.

You see, I was an admirer of yours.

Of mine?

Jennifer Edwards, investigative journalist

who covered the harms murder, the eiger election,

and broke open the multinational case.

Oh! [Sighing]

Names from my sordid past.

The multinationals case? What was that all about?

There was a very...

Clever embezzler called, uh...

Tom Lawrence.

That's right.

And he invented something called multinational metals.

Conned an awful lot of people out of a lot of money.

Until you dug out the story.

Well, the people didn't get their money back. But he is still in prison.

Yes. Yes, I remember because I was involved with multinational metals.

You were? I hope you didn't lose too much money.

Well, I survived.

Anyway, I wanted to thank you.

I'm very flattered.

My pleasure, Jennifer.

Aren't you going to have something to eat?

Uh, sorry, I can't. I have a big day tomorrow.

- But thanks very much. - Good night.

- Good night. - Thank you, again.

You never told me about that.

Oh, it was a long time ago, ancient history.

Anyway, I'd almost forgotten about it.

- Graham Spence? - Yes.

- Larry Tanner. - How do you do?

- I think we have a mutual friend. - Oh, really? Who's that?

Al Jarvis, Las Vegas.

[Graham] I don't understand. What do you want?

Cooperation.

Now, Jarvis tells me you dropped $53,000 at his casino.

I had a bad run, but, uh, I'll pay him.

I already have. I bought your markers.

As I say, I just want a little cooperation.

I want to know everything there is to know about this hart commercial shoot.

How? When? Where are they using Jennifer hart?

You know, all the details.

I can't do that, I'd get fired.

Odd how you miss the small pleasures of life.

Spence, you can cooperate with me...

Or pay me the 53,000.

Okay.

Today we're shooting at rimrock.

[Chuckling]

[Man] Run playback!

Oh, hart, I don't want you cluttering up my frame.

Out! Go on.

Out!

[Scoffs]

Now, Jennifer, I want you to ride in a wide loop, all the way around,

bring the wagon back, stop, dismount,

and then come and join the party over here.

- But don't do anything until I say "action." Okay? - I promise.

[Man] All right, stand by, everybody.

[Man] Hey, runaway!

It's a runaway! It's a runaway!

[Man 2] Hey, somebody get the Jeep.

Get the Jeep!

Hurry up, get the Jeep!

[Jonathan] Jennifer!

Grab my hand!

Now!

I'm awfully glad you came along.

Jennifer, my darling, I think we slightly overdid the thrills, didn't we?

Just slightly.

It was horrible.

- She could have been killed. - Tragic accident.

- She wasn't hurt, was she? - No.

We just can't figure out what scared that horse.

It was a piece of bad luck.

At any rate, Spence. I've decided what I want you to do.

I gave you the whole shooting schedule.

Need one thing more. The camera.

That's impossible.

You said that hart had invited everybody in the crew

to a barbecue late this afternoon. So, bring it to me then.

We'll have it back in half an hour, and nobody will ever know.

I can't do that. What for?

Okay. I'll be honest with you.

I represent a rival fashion firm.

We want to delay this commercial.

You want to wreck the camera?

In a way that can't be traced.

I could get fired.

Spence, you're going to save $53,000.

You bring me the camera, you're all paid up, free and clear,

plus 10,000 more.

Cash.

You're sure...

That there's no way that they can trace this back to me?

Positive.

Trust me.

[Country music playing]

[Crowd cheering]

Come on, let's dance.

Wait, all just because I saved your life?

- What better excuse for a celebration? - [Laughing]

I don't suppose you care to risk all with a man called Rupert

- with the two left feet, would you? - Love to!

Good, come on. Off we go.

Have a good time.

Spence, would you care to dance?

-Not this time. Save me one. Okay? -All right. Thank you.

[Sighs] Here it is.

[Grunts]

Why don't we take a little stroll in the sunset before I faint?

What will everybody think?

- The worst. - Oh, good!

Let's go.

What are you doing?

You can have this back in ten minutes.

I asked, what are you doing?

You see, I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow.

So this is my farewell gift...

To Jennifer hart.

That's explosive.

Very perceptive.

My god, it's a bomb!

Stay at least 50 yards from the camera tomorrow.

The trigger is hooked to the footage counter.

When it reads precisely 480...

Or roughly five minutes of film, it'll blow.

Are you crazy?

What if they find out I stole the camera for you?

Spence...

We all have to make our sacrifices.

You don't tie me into any murder.

Make it seem accidental, hayward.

Aw, he is beautiful.

Oh, and I love him.

Oh!

And I love you for giving him to me.

- Yeah? - Mmm. [Giggling]

- He is a winner, isn't he? - He's gorgeous.

You know, I think we better get back to the party.

[Sighing] I suppose so.

- You don't have any idea how it could have happened? - No, I don't.

Freak accident, I guess.

I don't know what he was doing with that light,

but it sure busted his neck when it fell on him.

Uh, Mr. Hart, the sheriff told me I had to get a statement

from all the witnesses.

Well, that would be my wife you'd want to talk to.

I'm sorry.

She ought to be back in about an hour,

after they finish shooting the commercial.

I figure it would be better

to get it done and over with.

[Neighing]

[Rupert] Now, you've reached your beloved just in time!

And you react with instant confidence. Now!

Okay, we're ready. Everything else is packed.

[Sighs]

All right, I'll meet you at the airfield.

Leave my case by the door.

- You sure you don't want to come on now? - [Chuckles]

And miss this? No way.

No, no. I got plenty of time.

You go on.

Okay, I'll be back around 3:00, if that's okay, Mr. Hart?

Jennifer should be done by then.

You know, it's really kind of weird.

First, that girl gets run down

and then this Spence gets killed.

That first accident,

have you gotten very far investigating it?

Haven't got anything to go on.

I was hoping you'd get some...

Something out of that description

that Larry Tanner gave you.

- Tanner? - Our neighbor.

Oh, that fella. The one staying

down at the Hobart place?

He doesn't live there?

No.

No, he rented the place from Ben Hobart about a week ago.

He didn't tell us anything.

You're sure about that?

I'm sure.

Okay, I'll, uh, be back after 3:00,

if that's okay, Mr. Hart.

Thanks.

[Engine starts]

Careful, Mr. Hart.

Breaking and entering. I'm shocked.

Yeah, it's downright criminal...

Mr. Lawrence.

It is Lawrence, isn't it?

I'm impressed.

When I found out that you lied to me

about the police report...

I called the LAPD.

They ran your description through the computer,

all sorts of bells went off. Lights.

All about your escape from prison last week.

Yes, yes. Cleverly, I thought.

Clever?

What the hell are you doing here?

You should be over the nearest border.

I have a date... With your wife.

I've been planning it for five years.

Do you blame Jennifer?

Jennifer put me in prison.

So when I got out, I looked her up,

because I'm taking a personal interest in her new career

in front of a camera.

I understand she may be a star.

Perhaps a nova.

- A what? - Oh, Jonathan.

A nova is a star that gets too bright for its own good,

until, finally, one day it self-destructs.

It explodes.

You're, um...

Planning some kind of an explosion?

In the camera magazine,

when the footage counter reaches precisely 480 feet.

She put me in a cage.

She took five years of my life.

And I always pay my debts. Always.

[Gunshots]

[Groaning]

[Rupert] Joyous, victorious laughter.

[Laughing]

Good! Excellent!

Cut it! We're gonna do one more, Jennifer.

- One for Lloyd's. - For who?

For Lloyd's. For protection.

Here we go, stand by!

Are you okay?

[Exhales]

[Engine starts]

[Rupert] And now you've reached your beloved at last.

And you react with instant confidence.

[Rupert] Now!

[Horse neighing]

[Groaning]

That's it, you've done it.

Now, this is your moment of triumph.

Joyous, victorious laughter.

Good! Cut it!

Excellent!

Absolutely perfect, Jennifer.

Right. New set up over here.

Close shot on Jennifer. Over here.

Okay, Jennifer. Now, here we go. Give me that look.

That's it. It's a marvelous feeling.

Enjoy it. Share it. That's good. Good.

Get that look, get that look.

That's good. Beautiful.

That wonderful feeling inside you.

Excellent. Enjoy. Share.

- Good. Good! - Ah.

Good. Cut it!

We're going to do one more. Makeup!

A little bit shiny.

- Stand by. - [Man]Act one!

[Man 2] Three.

And action! There we go, Jennifer.

- That wonderful feeling welling up inside you. - [Jeep horn honking]

That's it.

Jennifer, give me that look.

Give me the look we had before.

I want it. I want it.

Jennifer, pay attention. Give me that look.

Get that magazine off the camera! Get it off!

Get back! Get back, everyone!

Get back!

[Horses whinnying]

- Darling. - [Groans]

As I always said, "you're dynamite."

[Rupert] The man must be mad.

He destroyed a magnificent day of shooting.

[Jennifer] But at least we are all still alive.

- That is something, isn't it? - [Rupert] Yes, good point.

[Jonathan] Anyway, it's all over.

The law has Tanner,

- and we have some brilliant footage. - [Rupert] Naturally.

And you could be a top model forever.

[Jennifer] Ah, no, thank you.

[Jonathan] Well, at least we ought to celebrate,

don't you think, alone?

Are you implying that you prefer your privacy to my presence?

No, not implying. Stating.

You understand that, don't you, Rupert?

Yes, I understand.

I think it's rude and insufferable.

And I'd love to take a photograph of you both.

- Oh, well, how's that? - Perfect.

- [Camera clicking] - [Laughing]

Good! Let's go!