Original subtitles

[Theme music playing]

[Narrator] This is my boss, Jonathan hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max. I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy,

'cause when they met, it was murder.

[Theme music continues]

[Crescendo rising in music]

Now, this is goldtown in 1890,

just before, uh, Bailey's bonanza went dry.

[Jim] It was my grandfather's gold mine.

It was my idea to turn the place into a ghost town for tourists.

And I keep it going, as you can see, but,

but just barely.

I don't aim to make it my life's work.

- What do you think, Arnold? - What do I think, Mr. Hart?

Oh, boy, I think it's an exciting opportunity.

Mr. Bailey maybe just keeping it going.

But think, Mr. Hart. We could make goldtown

into a first-class theme park.

What would you think about that?

Well, i... I wanna preserve the town.

I don't wanna see it turned into a row of condos.

Well, then you've come to the right place, Mr. Bailey.

We wouldn't think of ruining the authenticity of goldtown.

[Arnold] Why, it's part of our heritage.

Imagine, Mr. Hart, Billy the kid,

the daltons, pat Garrett,

butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid.

Why, they've got a stagecoach, Mr. Hart, and a saloon.

- I bet you serve red-eye? - Yeah.

Arnold, uh...

Can't you see it, Mr. Hart? The old west.

Cookouts, gunfights.

Get off your horse, partner, and fight like a man.

Fill your hand, little fella.

Arnold, am I interrupting something?

Uh, darling.

Ah, you look so pretty.

- This is Jim Bailey. - Hello.

- Hello. - Jim owns goldtown.

Oh, that western ghost town?

Well, it's a real live town too, ma'am.

That's why I'm talking to your husband.

He seems like the only investor with a sense of history.

Potential investor.

But I would like to take a look at it sometime.

Well, when'd you like to come out?

How about tomorrow, darling? Would you like that?

- Great. - Oh, gee,

that's wonderful, Mr. Hart.

It was nice meeting you, Mr. Bailey.

- Nice meeting you. - And Mrs. Hart...

Got to rustle up them figures.

Get along, little profits.

Jim, uh we'll see you tomorrow?

Right.

Nice meeting you. And you.

See you tomorrow.

Well, well.

You've got that look in your eye.

What look is that?

Oh, every little boy's dream, playing cowboys and Indians.

I was thinking more of cowboys and schoolmarms.

How do you play that?

Well, first, you have to stay late after school.

Oh, and then?

I don't know. I never stayed late after school.

Oh!

I guess we'll have to, uh, improvise.

Oh!

[Western music playing]

[Horse neighs]

[Man] How much longer do you think

we'll be hauling this stuff?

We cleared nearly 10,000 last month.

There's plenty's left.

[Eerie music playing]

[Man] You know what we ought to do?

We ought to pull a semi up to that mine

and clean the whole place out in one shot.

How many times do I have to tell you, a little bit at a time.

This way we could say we found it prospecting.

And another thing, we gotta get out of here, different times a day.

Otherwise, someone's gonna miss us and...

Somebody did, boys. Who?

You see, goldtown's a mighty small place.

And I've been wondering where you two were headed every morning.

What you got in those saddlebags?

Just gravel, turk. That's all.

Bringing it up to Braxton's. He's making a rock garden,

back at his place. Yeah.

You boys come all the way up here for gravel, do you?

Braxton, why don't you just jump down there

and fetch me some of that gravel you're talking about?

[Horse neighs]

Make it snappy, Braxton.

You're not getting paid by the hour here.

You back up.

[Turk] Gravel, huh?

That looks like gold to me.

I guess I caught myself a couple of claim jumpers here.

What are you talking about, turk?

Nobody's worked that mine since the 1890's.

Except you fellas.

You've been working the tailings.

It's gravel for a rock garden.

Shut up.

This is the slag that Jim Bailey's granddaddy threw away

when gold was $20 an ounce.

Those days you had to pound it out with a hammer.

But now,

that it's worth $400 an ounce.

And with modern equipment...

If you turn us in...

Why should I turn in my partners?

What are you gonna do, turk?

[Horse neighs]

[Ominous music playing]

[Western music playing]

[Jonathan] Well, darling,

goldtown is just a stage ride away.

[Amiable music playing]

Howdy.

Ben drootin. Teaneck, New Jersey.

Oh, Jonathan hart.

This is my wife, Jennifer.

Nice to meet new friends. Hang on.

[Camera clicks]

I send them to the folks back in Jersey.

Isn't this great? I just love this stuff.

I was at the Grand Canyon last week.

I don't know what the big deal is. It's a hole in the ground.

[Ben] They don't have anything like this stuff.

Did you two check out the brochure?

[Man] All aboard. All aboard for goldtown.

- [Ben] Where do I put the bag? - [Man 2] Up on top.

[Jonathan] Oh, you'll take care of the car, will you?

[Man 2] Yes, sir.

There we go. Yes.

Hang on, folks. Gets a little bumpy.

This is great. I love this stuff. [Man] Ya!

Do you believe people actually used to live like this?

No running water, no electricity.

What did they do for excitement with no TV?

[Western music playing]

[Western music continues]

[Gunshots]

Whoo-ha! Whoo-ha!

[Gunshots]

[Braxton] Whoa!

Must be the James boys.

Or the younger brothers, or quantrill's raiders,

or the Oakland raiders.

They moved to Los Angeles. Oh.

No false moves and nobody gets hurt.

Throw that strongbox down, driver.

Much obliged.

That was great. I love this stuff.

Hyah!

[Willie] Ya!

[Jennifer] Oh.

Jennifer. Jonathan.

Oh, hi, Jim.

How'd you like the ride?

- Wooh! - Oh. Wonderful.

You do very nice holdups.

Well, we work on it, but there's not much use, though.

We only get about 20 people a day through here, come on.

Most of them arrive with a clean shirt

and a $10 bill

and leave without changing either one of them.

Well, would you like the tour?

[Jennifer] Oh, yes.Sure.

[Jim] How are you, Arthur?

Oh, I can't complain, Jim.

Ah, he must be feeling great. He usually does complain.

He runs the souvenir shop.

And I guess after eight hours a day of that,

he's got a right to complain.

Well, as you can see, turk, here, makes souvenir horseshoes

for the tourists, and sort of takes care

of the stable. How are you, turk?

Good, Jim. Howdy, folks.

[Jennifer] Howdy.

Well, this is the sheriff's office and the town jail.

They held Jesse James in there once for two days.

- They did? - Yeah.

And what's interesting is, that belle starr escaped

before breakfast.

- Huh. - Really?

Yeah.

Now we have nice food in the restaurant here.

And I guess, that's about it.

But I got you the best room in the hotel. So...

There's anything else I can do for you,

why, you just let me know.

[Ominous music playing]

Looks like Jim's got himself another prospective buyer.

Ah, they're just tourists.

[Braxton] We just stuck them up on the coach.

His name is Jonathan hart. I recognize him.

And old Jim Bailey doesn't give the vip tour

just to tourists.

If Jim is gonna sell this town, the three of us

are gonna lose our little arrangement.

That's right.

So you keep your eye on him.

I wanna make sure that Jim doesn't sell his town right now.

It'd be hard to sell anything to a dead man, wouldn't it?

[Intense music playing]

[People chattering] [People whistling]

["Orpheus in the underworld overture" playing]

[Crowd cheering]

Well, how about this?

Isn't it great?

How about a sarsaparilla?

How about a double?

Well, good evening, come on in.

[Jennifer] Hi, Jim. Hi, have a seat.

Oh, thanks. We were just going

to have a couple of sarsaparillas.

Earl, three sarsaparillas.

Make mine a double.

You've been dealing lucky, all night.

Get up slow and let me see what you got up your sleeve.

Hold it right there, mister.

[Woman screaming]

Now, you see, we even have our authentic poker games.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow. All right, boys,

come on, let's get up and get out of here.

Hurry up, I'm gonna lock you up in a hoosegow.

Come on, let's go.

Didn't fool me for a second.

Oh, I was just going along with the gag.

Cherries in your sarsaparillas?

- Yes. - Yeah.

[Jennifer] I love the old west.

[Jonathan] So do I.

[Jennifer exhales]

They used to make their own bread,

can their own vegetables,

weave their own cloth.

How did they do it?

They didn't even have a vacuum cleaner or sewing machine.

Can you imagine?

How did they ever have time for recreation?

There's always time for recreation.

I suppose you're right.

People have been doing it for centuries.

Hmm.

[Wolf howling]

[Ominous music playing]

[Man] There's nothing as much fun as the real thing.

[Harmonica playing]

Whoa! Sheriff.

Miller brothers just got of the noon train,

and they're gunning for you.

We're fixing to have trouble, folks.

- Trouble? - Yep, trouble.

We had put them varmints behind bars in the first place.

And they swore, they was gonna get me for it.

Gunfight. We're gonna have a gunfight.

Now this, ain't real.

- Is it? - [Horse neighs]

[Tense music playing]

Draw, you mangy polecat.

Draw, while you got breath to draw.

I'm telling you, for the last time, Miller,

get south of the pecos before sundown.

Draw, bushwhacker.

Draw or die.

[Tense music continues]

Sheriff Jim, the roof.

[Crowd applauds and whistles]

Nice fall, turk.

Turk?

[Eerie music playing]

He's dead.

[Woman screams]

[Indistinct police radio]

[Harmonica playing]

I've known you all my life, Jim, and I don't figure you

for a killer but I just sent a corpse into town,

and there's a couple dozen people

saw you fire the shot that killed him.

With a gun that I loaded with blanks?

You know the routine, bill. We do it once a day.

Yeah.

You got any idea who could've switched the bullets?

Well, it seems to me like, anybody could've switched them.

People are walking in and out of here all the time.

This isn't a real lawman's office, it's an exhibit.

I leave my gun on that desk, half the time.

Yeah, the only thing is, if anybody could've done it,

that doesn't give me a suspect except for you.

But I didn't do it.

I did it, but, but you know what I mean.

Sure.

I know what I gotta do.

I have to take you down to the county seat...

And book you.

And let you tell judge fogarty your story.

[Sheriff] And more than likely, he's gonna turn you loose, no bail,

while the detectives up at county, sort this thing out.

I'm sorry, Jim, I got no choice.

Nice to meet you, sir, ma'am.

Come on.

Jim.

If it turns out that you need bail, call me

and we'll arrange it.

Thanks, Jonathan. Not just for the bail,

I probably won't need that.

But for the vote of confidence.

You got that, Jim.

[Mellow music playing]

[Telephone ringing]

- Hart residence. - Hiya, Max.

You people buy that town yet?

Not yet.

Max, uh, we've run into a little trouble up here.

We may be staying an extra few days.

Anything I can do to help?

No, not a thing. We just didn't want you to worry about us.

Mr. H, if you're not coming back right away,

is it all right... my arthritis...

The smog is getting to me.

Freeway too.

Is it okay, if we took a little trip?

Max,

what part of Nevada were you thinking of, Vegas?

Did I say Nevada?

But the air is nice around Tahoe.

Freeway loves Tahoe.

It's all right, Max. But remember,

Nevada made gambling legal.

They didn't make it compulsory, okay?

Good luck, Max.

[Indistinct chattering]

[Piano playing]

Hello Arthur.

Hi, would you folks like a drink?

Ah, I don't think so. You darling?

No, thank you.

Ah, tell me, what happened with Jim and the law?

Well, they didn't hold him responsible,

but they have to take him in.

That's a good idea.

Maybe now, the police will see

through Bailey's good old boy routine.

Hey, Willie, I think maybe you had enough.

[Piano playing continuously]

Yeah, it just might turn out, Jim Bailey had a reason

to want turk dead.

[Willie mumbling]

Well, thanks a lot.

See you later. Yep.

♪ Oh my darling ♪

♪ oh my darling ♪

♪ oh my darling Clementine ♪

♪ you were lost and... ♪

Excuse me, my lady.

♪ Oh my darling ♪

♪ oh my darling ♪

Doesn't seem as though our good citizens of goldtown,

are trying to help Jim Bailey any.

- What do you know about this? - Well,

I know Jim Bailey wouldn't hurt a fly, much less kill turk.

- No. Somebody switched bullets. - Who?

Beats me.

Well, since we're thinking about buying a gold-mining town,

maybe we should go and take a look at the mine.

- Hmm. - [Willie] Well, you're gonna need horses

to get out there, but...

Stagecoach is a lot handy.

♪ Oh my darling ♪

♪ oh my darling Clementine ♪

[Amiable music playing]

This is nice and clean.

Looks, like it's been used recently.

Well what would they be using it in here for?

This place is solid rock.

Darling, why don't we just go back?

We don't seem to be accomplishing anything here.

You're right.

[Jonathan] When Jim gets back, he may have some idea

of what's going on out here.

[Jennifer] What about Pete and his friends? He seemed awfully tight lipped.

[Jonathan] Darling, this is murder. We need more to go on

than hushes and suspicions.

Jim's a suspect.

And he's going to remain a suspect

until somebody really finds out what's happening around here and proves it.

Yo.

Hyah!

[Ominous music playing]

[Tense music playing]

You know something? This ride isn't quite

as comfortable as our car.

I wouldn't say that.

[Tense music continues]

They're pretty enthusiastic, staging a robbery

for only two customers.

Those are real bullets.

I'm scared.

Don't you think we should finish them off?

Nah, the horses will finish them off.

Are you sure?

Yeah, the driver's out of action,

the horses are spooked, and Indian cliff's dead ahead.

Come on.

Go.

[Tense music playing]

You know, I think we're out of control here.

[Jonathan] Willie.

He can't help us.

How are we gonna stop them?

I can try. How?

I used to watch all those westerns when I was a kid,

Saturday afternoons.

I'm taught by experts.

Hey!

Willie.

[Ominous music playing]

How's Willie? I'll make it.

Got to get you to a hospital.

[Country music playing]

You should've stayed until it was over.

Till they were over.

Oh, come on, they were out of control and heading for the cliff.

Close enough.

Close only counts when you're tossing horseshoes, you clown.

Look at that. You two better get out of here

[Arthur] Before you get seen. Move. Now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What happened? Where's Willie?

We got attacked.

Willie got hit. He's in the stagecoach

[Jonathan] How is he, darling? Okay?

[Jennifer] Oh, he'll be all right.

But we'd better get him to a hospital soon.

You got a doctor around here? We don't have anything here.

- Ben. - Hey, how come you got to drive

a stagecoach? That's not in the brochure.

Have you ever driven one of these things before?

I've seen it done a hundred times.

Look, drive this down to the parking lot.

Put Willie in your car and drive him to a doctor.

[Ben] Sure. Glad to help.

Boy, I love this stuff.

Hey, ah, would you do me a big favor.

Just, just one. One,

for the folks back in Jersey, okay.

Ben, this is real.

Huh? Come on boys, go.

Is Jim Bailey back in town?

No, I haven't seen him.

You have a telephone around here?

There's, uh, one in the saloon.

[Freeway barks]

Freeway.

Freeway, what are you doing here?

Hey, boy.

[Freeway whining]

He wants us to follow him.

[Piano music playing]

Max.

Oh, Max.

What are you doing here?

Freeway got lonesome for you. When I got in the car,

he thought I was taking him to you.

I didn't have the heart to disappoint him.

[Jennifer] Ahh.

Take a look at this hand.

How do you draw to that?

I already drew to it.

Well, stranger...

You gonna call or not?

I told you, I didn't have the money to call.

Unless I can borrow it from you.

The security is this hand.

Sure, how much do you need, a thousand?

No, 20 will do.

Twenty?

Right.

I'll see your five and raise you 15 bucks.

[Indistinct chattering]

Sorry, partner.

You gotta pay to see those cards.

[Phone ringing]

Mr. Hart. Yeah?

There's a phone call for you. Thanks.

Hello. Everything's fine, Jonathan,

but they won't release me yet.

[Jonathan] Oh, what's the problem?

[Jim] We're waiting for judge fogarty,

he's out fishing. But he'll be back pretty soon.

Hey, Jim, when the Bailey bonanza,

was a working mine,

where did they keep the extraction equipment?

Well, they had a hydraulic crusher right inside the mine.

It saved lugging all that ore down into town.

But, uh...

They haven't had any need for it for the last 90 years.

Well, when you get out of there,

come back here right away, will you?

Thank you. I'll see you soon.

Right. Bye-bye.

[Ominous music playing]

- What was that all about? - We're going back up to that mine.

Max, I want you to call bill Sampson.

He's with the state police department.

Have him get Jim Bailey out of jail.

Bring him back up here to goldtown.

You know something, darling? What?

That gold mine, may just be a gold mine.

[Eerie music playing]

The stage.

You gave Ben our wheels.

Let's try the stables.

[Ominous music playing]

They're on to us.

I think they're headed out to the mine.

This time, we can't afford any mistakes.

So, what have you got in mind?

You go over to the store and get 20 sticks of dynamite

and a self-contained detonator.

Then you head out to the mine and get set up

before they get there.

Don't mess this up.

[Arthur] You only get one shot.

One is all we'll need.

- I was just thinking. - What?

You never saw Roy and Dale saddling up.

They were always mounted and ready.

[Jennifer chuckles]

Whatever happened to the old west?

[Western music playing]

[Harmonica playing]

[Jennifer] That's it. Over there.

[Ominous music playing]

Now, I want you to understand something.

I'm gonna get up on your back.

And I don't want you to get nervous.

Ah, nothing personal,

but freeway and I gotta get to Mr. and Mrs. H.

You understand?

I'll make it up to you somehow.

Ain't I seen you some place before?

Caliente? Del mar?

Santa Anita?

Now, watch out, freeway. I don't wanna kick you in the head.

Uh, maybe it was a cousin.

You got family in California?

Made it the hard way.

Okay. Now forward.

[Amiable music playing]

Where are we?

I don't understand what we're looking for.

Gravel? The tailings.

Leftover ore-bearing rock.

It's got to be here.

Look at those tracks.

Isn't that strange?

[Jennifer] They go right to the end of the mine.

They also go under it.

[Ominous music playing]

Can you hurry up with that thing.

You want to do it?

I got to do everything?

[Jonathan] Look phony to you?

Phony wall?

Yeah, like it might have been put here to hide something.

But why? Maybe there's a door. Where to open it.

Got it.

[Tense music playing]

Now.

[Horses neighing]

[Tense music playing]

[Pete] Whoo.

That should do it.

Yeah, come on, we better get back to town.

[Harmonica playing]

[Rocks crashing]

What was that?

Someone blasted the entrance to the mine.

That's our only way out of here.

Yeah. You're right.

Unless this wall isn't phony.

Take a look over there.

Oh.

[Eerie music playing]

What are you guys doing over here?

Come on with me.

Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?

Why not stop here, all right, son?

Not here. There.

Okay. A little further over.

That's it.

All right.

Let's see if I can get off without kicking freeway

in the head. Whoa! Almost.

Okay, freeway?

Does that sound hollow to you?

[Jennifer] Little.

[Freeway barking]

What is it freeway?

Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?

Darling...

Hold this.

[Jonathan] Step back for a minute.

We're gonna have to get out of here. Why?

Not if they're dead.

Yeah, there's still a lot in that mine.

We'll come back when it cools down.

You guys load up the Jeep.

I'll meet you in half an hour.

[Voice echoing] Mr. H! Mrs. H!

[Freeway barking]

[Eerie music playing]

[Door creaks]

[Max] What is it, freeway?

[Freeway barks]

What have we got here, freeway?

[Leaves rustling]

Well, this is what it's all about.

Tailings.

That's gold.

A hundred years ago, it wasn't worth mining.

But with modern technology,

and gold being worth 30 times what it was then,

we're sitting on a fortune.

Wooh.

[Freeway barking]

[Voice echoing] Mr. and Mrs. H.

[Johnathan] Max?

Max. Max.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you but you gotta yell.

Is there any way to get out, on the outside?

You're socked in pretty solid.

But I can go back to town, get some guys and dig you out.

No, that's no good, Max.

We're running out of oxygen in here.

Freeway found some dynamite out here.

But, I think, it's too tricky to use.

[Jonathan] Max, there's a crack in the rock over here.

Take the dynamite, put it in there and blow it.

Okay. Hold it. I'll be right back.

[Ominous music playing]

We got one more load.

Well, let's get it and get out of here.

[Ominous music continues

I got the dynamite close

to what I figure is the right spot, Mr. H.

What about the detonator?

I got it. Okay.

Give us three minutes and then blow it.

But are you sure you want to do this, Mr. H?

We have no choice. Now, go ahead, Max.

Okay.

[Eerie music playing]

Come on, Max.

Now, watch out, freeway.

Wow, look at that!

[Both coughing]

[Max] Mr. and Mrs. H, are you all right?

We are now, Max, thanks to you.

Thank freeway too.

Oh, freeway. Oh.

You know, Max, somehow you don't make it as an outlaw.

I thought I might need these.

Providing I don't shoot up my foot.

What's going on around here anyway?

Someone's been mining gold slag.

[Max] It's gotta be those two cowboys back at that bar.

The storekeeper's in on it too.

- You sure? - You bet I'm sure.

He sent those guys over here to knock you two off.

Then they killed turk and set Jim up for it.

Let's go. We can't let them get away with it.

[Jennifer] Come here, freeway.

[Max] I got him.

Come on, Max.

Everything about ready?

Yeah, it's all here. Good.

Take your guns off, nice and slowly.

[Ominous music playing]

You rotten fink.

Just shut up and take your guns off.

Hold it, horton.

Stay out of this hart, this is a tourist attraction.

Get ready, folks. We got a shoot-out coming.

[Ominous music continues]

I think it's more than a tourist attraction.

And I think I can prove that to the police.

Maybe, but first you have...

[tense music playing]

Max.

[People applauding]

Pete, come on out of there.

Come on.

[People chattering]

It was horton's idea.

Take off the guns.

I'll make a deal. Take off the guns.

[Gun cocks]

Jonathan, watch out, on the roof.

[Tense music playing]

Pretty fancy shooting, Mr. H.

Thanks, Max.

And they thought I was wasting my time,

sneaking into the movies on Saturday afternoons.

Oh.

[Crescendo rising in music]

[Ambient music playing]

I'm the marshal of this here town.

And I'm going to referee this shoot-out.

Ready? Draw.

[Gunfire sound effect]

Oh, I'm hit.

You're pretty lucky, tenderfoot.

- I got him. - [Jennifer] Wonderful.

Wasn't it nice of Jim to send me this present?

[Jennifer chuckles] It certainly was.

Well, how many times is that?

Uh, a dozen.

Oh. Well that's a nice, even number.

I think, I'm gonna give up gun fighting.

[Western music playing]

I like your moves, cowboy.

Now, draw.

You took the words, right out of my mouth.

[Theme music playing]