Original subtitles

[Max] This is my boss, Jonathan hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they met, it was murder.

[Theme music playing]

[Barks]

[Jennifer] Darling,

I think it stopped raining.

You are absolutely beautiful.

Thank you.

Jonathan, have you ever thought about moving to London?

Wool tweed itches me.

- It does? - Mmm.

But you'd look wonderful in elbow patches.

And you could run for queen.

I think that job's already taken.

That's right.

And besides, you're already queen of Beverly Hills.

Oh, I could always abdicate for the man I love.

We better walk a little faster if I'm gonna make my meeting.

Don't you think a casino

is a strange place to talk business?

Well, when I missed the merger meeting with Patrick today...

Once the sun goes down,

Patrick can only be found in the Kensington club.

[Gasps] I've got a great idea.

After you finish talking,

we'll see if you're feeling lucky tonight.

[Chuckles]

I already know the answer to that one.

Oh.

- Jonathan. - George.

- Good to see you again. - Nice to see you.

And Jennifer.

You make a damp englishman

believe the sun really never sets on our empire.

- How are you, George? - Oh, mustn't grumble.

Uh, Mr. Hasburgh's waiting for you in my office.

It must be important.

He's usually lost a few hundred quid by this time.

I won't be long, darling. Bye.

See you later.

- May I take your wrap? - Yes, please.

How about a little roulette while you wait?

Maybe a little roulette-watching.

Oh, all right. Come on.

[Speaking French]

Place your bets, please.

[Man] You are a gambling man, baron.

Next time you're in Houston...

[Croupier speaking French]

No more bets, please.

[Croupier speaking French]

Seventeen, black, uneven, low.

Oh, you won.

It happens.

Then again, maybe it doesn't just happen.

Perhaps you brought me good luck.

May I introduce baron destafnik, Mrs. Hart.

[Jennifer] Jennifer hart.

How do you do?

I leave you in good hands, Jennifer.

Oh, thank you, George.

- Uh, do sit down. - Oh, no, thank you. No.

- I'm just watching. - [Man] Baron,

you're not gonna keep that for yourself, are you?

Surely the bank can survive my modest good fortune.

[Chuckles] Heck, I'm not talking about the bank,

I'm talking about the little lady.

Oh, I see. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Allow me to introduce Mrs. Jennifer hart.

Mr. Bill Walsh.

Ma'am.

How do you do?

[Croupier speaking French]

Place your bets, please.

[Speaking French]

Well, what number, Mrs. Hart?

Oh, baron, no... [Stammers] I'd prefer to watch.

Please. I couldn't possibly turn my back

on such good fortune.

But baron, I hardly even know how...

Baron, we are waiting.

Look, just... Just say a number.

[Speaking French]

Uh, four?

That's an awful lot of oil Wells, baron.

[Croupier speaking French]

No more bets, please.

Quatre.

[Crowd gasping]

Four, black.

Even, low.

That's amazing.

You can scout oil-drilling sites for me anytime, little lady.

[Jennifer] Oh, I'm sure it's just a happy coincidence.

[Baron] On the contrary.

I think you are my lady luck.

Not exactly, baron.

[Croupier speaking French]

Place your bets, please. [Speaks French]

Once more, please.

All of that?

[Baron] All of it.

All 30,000 pounds, my dear.

Isn't that a little risky?

[Baron] Yes.

But the risk is all mine.

[Croupier] Madame.

[Speaking French]

Put it on, uh, 15.

[Speaking French]

No more bets, please.

I must go.

Go?

If I win, please, look after my chips.

But aren't you gonna stay to see...

[croupier] Quinze, noir.

[People gasp and applaud]

[Croupier] Fifteen, black, uneven, low.

Baron, you've won...

Baron?

There you are, madame.

£1,080,000.

Baron?

Excuse me, did you see where the baron went?

How could one miss seeing him, the lucky twit?

Madame, your chips.

Oh, they're the baron's chips.

Yes, but you can't leave them at the table.

I'll take them if the little lady don't want them.

[Laughs]

But they're not my chips.

I'll take them to the cashier's window for you.

Oh, good. Thank you.

- [Jonathan] Darling? - Oh, Jonathan.

I'm sorry. The meeting took longer than expected.

Is something wrong?

Darling, I just won over £1 million.

Hey, that's terrific.

I didn't even know you were betting.

What were you playing? Numbers? Odds? Colors?

- Numbers. - Numbers?

What are we doing out here if you're on a roll...

No, no, no, no, darling. It wasn't my money.

I was playing for a baron.

The numbers hit, but he disappeared.

Yes, yes, yes, someone will be here.

Baron destafnik is not in his hotel room,

and no one on staff has seen him since he left the casino.

George, uh, we're cutting this pretty close.

It's, uh, only two hours before our plane leaves.

- Hmm. - [Knock at door]

Come in.

Thank you.

I had the money converted to dollars.

[Jonathan] That's two million.

[George] If they ask,

give this to the authorities.

If I didn't know you as well as I do, Jonathan,

I wouldn't make it this easy.

The odds are usually with the house.

Darling, I really do think we ought to leave this money here.

The baron is bound to come back to the club.

I don't know what to do.

I only know that something must have happened to that poor man.

And he only asked me to do him one favor.

Some favor.

Besides, our insurance doesn't permit us

to hold cash for patrons.

Darling, I don't like carrying all this cash either,

but he did trust me.

[Croupier] How do we know you can trust

- this Mrs. Hart? - [Baron] Experience.

Besides, when our fat friend hegland appeared,

I hadn't much choice.

Yes. He may become a problem.

You worry too much, Arthur.

Mrs. Hart will carry the money out of england

and into the United States.

She'll watch over it with tender loving care

until I arrive to reclaim it.

Then she will be only too delighted to give it back.

Oh, you sound as though you know her very well.

Not specifically, but I have experience

with the Mrs. Harts of this world.

Yes, well, she could surprise you.

Unlikely.

Air britain, please.

When are we leaving?

We are not leaving. I am leaving.

There's no reason for you to fly to the United States.

That was not part of our arrangement.

All right. Then you fly to California

and ask Mrs. Hart to give the money to you.

But Mrs. Hart thinks all the money belongs to you.

Exactly.

So you'll have to trust me.

We meet in acapulco as planned.

One week from today.

Air britain, please.

[Jonathan] Goodbye, London fog.

Hello, L.A. smog.

[Jennifer] Oh, home sweet home.

I'm gonna sleep for a week.

You two must be exhausted.

We finally get to sleep in our own bed.

What are you gonna do about the loot, Mr. H?

Well, we'll leave it here tonight,

and I'll put it in the vault in the morning.

I've never seen so much money in one place.

Do you mind if I take a peek?

Sure. Take a look.

Oh, Max, this one's for you.

- Oh, thank you, Mrs. H. - And freeway!

This one is for freeway.

Darling, why don't you and I get acquainted

- with some familiar pillows? - Oh, good idea.

Which one of these do you want upstairs?

Uh, that one.

Hey, you folks must be putting me on.

This is play money.

Certainly is. But not ours to play with.

I mean it's toy money.

It's good for building hotels on boardwalk, but that's it.

- What are you talking about? - Well, take a look.

[Gasps]

Jonathan.

Monopoly money.

[Telephone ringing]

Hart residence.

No, I'm sorry. Mrs. H isn't available.

Well, when can I reach Mrs. Hart?

Mr. and Mrs. Hart arrived late.

Very late last night from London.

They're still sleeping.

When she's available,

please tell her baron destafnik is here in Los Angeles.

If you'll leave your phone number...

No, no.

I'll call her back.

Tomorrow morning.

See if she can fit it into her schedule.

- [Dial tone] - I guess barons

don't have any class anymore.

[Jennifer] I don't know what you're talking about.

I slept perfectly.

You're the one who tossed and turned all night.

Well, I kept dreaming about London and fox hunting.

Really? Did you catch the fox?

Good morning, folks.

Or should I say good afternoon?

You can say good morning or good afternoon, Max,

if you just put the coffee on the table.

- You got it. - Oh, coffee.

Mmm.

Mrs. H, you got a call this morning.

From who?

A baron destafnik.

What did he say?

He said he'll call tomorrow. Didn't leave his number.

It sounded important.

- Thanks, Max. - You're welcome.

Oh, I wonder how he's going to feel

when he finds out he's been demoted

to king of Marvin gardens.

I think I'll give George a call in england.

You still think the money was switched at the club?

It had to be.

I kept my eye on that briefcase from the moment we left.

What's the area code for London?

0-1-1-4-4-1.

0-1-1-4-4-1? Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Surely you don't suspect George.

Well, he was a little blasé about giving up the money.

Yes, but you've known him for years.

Yeah, well, maybe he can give us some idea of what happened.

Any answer?

No luck.

Oh, I certainly hope George will know something.

Because if he doesn't, I don't know anyone who will.

[Man] Are you sure you got that right?

Jennifer hart. H-a-r-t.

Hart.

Unlisted?

I didn't travel halfway across the world

- to lose her here in tinseltown. - [Engine starts]

Well, I reached George in Scotland.

And?

He caught four salmon and a bad cold,

and he has no idea how the money was switched,

but he said he'll look into it.

What's the matter?

That man.

He was at the Kensington club that night.

He looks like he's out of an old movie.

He's coming over here.

Forgive me, but surely you're the lady

who confounded the Kensington club

with her uncanny judgment at roulette.

[Chuckles]

That was certainly lucky, wasn't it?

[Man chuckles] Was it luck?

Isn't it true that you were, in fact, playing for another?

Oh, well, I wasn't actually playing.

I don't see how this becomes your business, mister, uh...

Hegland, Mr. Hart. Nigel hegland.

President of the British-American

trading company.

And you're quite right when you say,

with your people's charming frankness,

it is none of my business.

[Chuckles]

But will you not, as it were, gratify the curiosity of a stranger?

Waiter, uh, the check, please?

Dozens of people saw me. They weren't even my chips.

Of course not. They were the property of a baron

who subsequently vanished. Am I right?

Let me tell you something, Mr. Hegland.

Even American frankness has its limits.

[Hegland] Of course, sir. Of course.

One more question, and it goes without saying,

that you need not answer.

Madam, have you succeeded in locating the baron

and reuniting him with his money?

Well, as, uh, you say in your country,

we have the situation well in hand.

Capital. Capital.

[Chuckles]

All's well that ends well, eh?

[Pocketwatch chiming]

Excuse me.

Little Ben.

Reminding me that it's time to take my medication.

A touch of malaria.

A souvenir of India.

Can't tell you how much I've enjoyed this little chin-chin.

Well, it certainly was nice meeting you.

My pleasure, I assure you, madam.

Mr. Hart.

What was that all about?

Thank you.

I don't know, but he was lying to us.

How?

He didn't tell us anything.

At that meeting, that night at the Kensington club?

I was made president

of the British-American trading company.

Shall we?

Do you think Mr. Hegland

just happens to be in Los Angeles?

I don't think Mr. Hegland just happens to be anywhere.

I don't think that car behind us just happens to be there.

We're being followed.

Jonathan, that's another man from...

Let me guess. The Kensington club?

Good guess.

Do you think he could be working for the baron or for hegland?

I don't care if he's in business for himself.

[Horns honking]

[Tires squeal]

He's catching up with us.

Darling, look out!

[Horn honks]

Who says the friendships you make traveling never last?

[Thunder crashing]

[Jennifer sighs]

Darling?

Mm-hm?

Maybe I should have listened to you.

Maybe we should have left that money in england.

Oh, no. You... you did the only thing you could do.

You did the right thing.

Besides, I've got a more important problem.

What? I've got an itch.

Where?

My leg.

Wrong leg.

That it?

Ah, yeah, that's terrific.

[Squeaks]

Freeway.

How does he get into everything?

Darling, the water's getting cold.

Well, um,

why don't we warm it up a little bit?

Hm.

[Thumping]

What was that?

I don't know.

[Thunder crashes]

Darling, go back in the bedroom and call the police.

Don't you think you ought to come with me?

I'll be all right.

[Thunder crashes]

Jonathan!

- [Gun fires] - [Jennifer screams]

[Door closes]

[Police sirens blaring]

Hold it right there.

Good evening, gentlemen.

What's all the noise about?

Mr. H, are you all right?

Give me a hand up, will you, Max?

Sure.

The storm kicked the breakers off.

Whoo.

Jennifer.

[Barks and whines]

- Oh... - Let me help you up.

Oh.

I'll take you upstairs.

Oh, no, darling, I don't want to go up yet.

- [Sighs] - Well, then, come on.

We'll go in the living room.

Oh...

I must've slipped when I heard that gun go off.

I'll get some aspirin.

What happened?

I don't know.

It was dark,

but he got away with the briefcase.

Which "he"?

I couldn't see him.

But one thing's for sure,

when he gets a look at what's inside of it,

he'll be back.

[Telephone rings]

Who is it?

[Officer over phone] Patrol, Mr. Hart.

We caught a guy jumping over your gate.

Can we come up?

Yes. Uh, I'll buzz you right in. Thanks.

Max, how are you doing with that aspirin?

[Max] Coming, Mr. H.

- Oh... - Here you are, Mrs. H.

Thanks, Max.

Who was that?

That was our patrol service.

They caught some guy. Jumping over the gate.

[Doorbell rings]

Wanna let them in, Max?

Uh, were those the guys who were chasing you?

Considering nobody's jumped over our fence for a while,

I would think so.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Hart.

- Is everything okay in the house? - [Door closes]

We caught these two as they were going out the driveway.

We found this briefcase in their car. Is it yours?

Uh, yes, it is. Thanks.

Any idea know they are?

Well, that one is hegland.

Do you know his friend?

It's the croupier from the roulette table.

Well, for once, the odds are against the house.

May I explain...

Hold it.

You have the right to remain silent.

In the event that you can't provide a lawyer...

Come, come, constable. I was reading those lines

before Mr. Miranda was born.

I am not seeking armament,

merely my escutcheon,

or shield, as you chaps say.

[Clears throat]

[Hegland] When we first met,

I fear I may have misled you.

My name is indeed Nigel hegland.

But I'm an inspector. Scotland yard.

My assistant, sergeant Roman.

[Hegland] Ah, Rosie Lee.

Tea.

Thanks, Max.

Shall I be mother?

Oh, please.

Inspector,

would you kindly explain to us what is going on?

A most reasonable request.

Uh, Mrs. Hart, I... I regret any unpleasantness.

Uh, milk and sugar?

Uh, please, both.

How many?

One.

I find your trauma most distressing.

So do I.

[Hegland] But when you people failed

to contact the baron,

when he made no efforts to meet with you,

I, uh, I thought I ought to shake things up, as it were.

To throw a spanner in the works.

Wrench.

Quite.

[Laughs]

You see, I assumed you would think

the baron had taken the money,

and, uh, go after him.

Uh, milk and sugar?

Uh, please.

Uh, how many?

Two.

[Clears throat]

It would help if we knew what business he was in.

He's in the laundry business.

He transports dirty money.

He's spirited millions out of britain.

You might say

he's become a national liability.

Arthur here befriended the baron

and rigged the win at the Kensington club.

So much for my luck.

And, uh, George Benedict was in on this?

He was kind enough to cooperate, yes.

Well, the idea was

give him a million and see how he moved it.

But I moved it.

Yes, indeed.

He uses gullible foreigners in that way.

Uh, no offense.

He's an expert. You behaved as anyone would.

Thank you.

Well, I think we understand everything that's going on.

Don't we, darling?

[Sighs] Yes, I suppose so.

Except for one thing.

What did happen to the money?

Ah.

The money.

No, j.J., all I got is the license number

and one big pain.

"2 harts." That's the plate.

No, they're not listed

and his company ain't giving out the home number, either.

Now, look, you owe me.

Run them plates.

Two hours?

Okay, I'll call you back.

Mrs. Hart, you may be in a position

to help us apprehend the baron

and get our government's money back.

How?

Forget it.

Come, come, sir. I haven't even told you...

[Jonathan] I know exactly what you want.

You want Jennifer to agree to meet him.

Exactly. It's the only way we can nail him.

Naturally, we would be right behind her.

Well, inspector, I don't want you to think

that I'm being uncooperative,

but if, uh, Jennifer did agree

to meet with baron destafnik,

let me explain it to you this way...

He would expect her to have the money.

Mm-hm.

She would have to have the money.

What can I say, sir?

Your concern for your wife is admirable,

but, uh, so large a sum.

Why not, sir?

You forget, Arthur,

we've already mislaid a million pounds.

Well, after all the money

that the baron has already siphoned out of the country,

surely her majesty can afford another million.

And then, without incurring any danger to Mrs. Hart,

we can recapture both million

and the baron.

You may be right, Arthur.

What do you say, sir? Shall we have a go?

Mrs. Hart, when the baron calls,

and he will,

will you arrange to meet him?

[Jennifer] He said on the phone room 313.

Mrs. Hart.

Great pleasure to see you again.

Please come in.

Baron.

Uh, you must be Mr. Hart.

- I am. - How do you do?

I believe this is yours.

Thank you.

You must accept a little something.

Good morning, Charles.

Good morning, inspector.

[Hegland] You're predictable, Charles.

I knew you would come out if you could smell the cash.

Tell me the truth, inspector.

How did you work it out?

Oh, it wasn't very difficult.

Arthur.

I believe you two have met.

Arthur.

Detective sergeant Arthur Roman.

Nobody's perfect, Charles.

Congratulations, Arthur.

You've added a new dimension to the word "loyalty."

Arthur, I suggest you call the Los Angeles police.

I wouldn't want the locals to feel slighted in any way.

[Dials]

Don't move!

Put down the phone.

Stand back.

Inspector,

take out your gun.

Put it on the floor.

Kick it over here.

Join your colleague.

I'm afraid I need your help again, my dear.

Move over or I'll kill her.

[Baron] Come here.

Quickly.

Turn around.

I won't hurt her, Mr. Hart.

Just a little insurance.

Back.

Back.

You just stay there.

I've had good luck with Mrs. Hart.

I'll bring her back if you do as you're told.

Come on, come on, come on.

[Jonathan] Baron.

He's dead.

[Hegland] Thank you, sergeant.

I'll be sure to let you have a full report.

Fine. Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart,

I'm sorry I had to keep you here so long.

- That's all right, sergeant. - Thank you very much.

Do you think you'll ever recover the money that was stolen?

If not, her majesty will have to suffer the loss

or raise taxes again.

Arthur and I will be leaving for London

just as soon as we check out of the hotel.

Well, if you don't need us anymore, inspector,

do you mind if we go now?

Mr. Hart, uh, Mrs. Hart,

I would like to apologize once again, if I may,

both for my suspicions and my... my little charade.

And I never intended to hurt either of you.

All in the line of duty, I suppose.

That's very sporting of you.

Next time you're in London,

do drop in to Scotland yard.

Thanks very much.

[Jennifer] Maybe you're wrong.

Maybe the money was switched at Heathrow in the baggage area...

Whoa.

Now, don't you try to run anywhere.

You are one slippery little heifer.

Hi, folks.

You remember waco bill Walsh.

Max.

What is this all about?

Now, Mr. Hart, don't take offense.

Your pretty little wife sure is lucky.

Yeah, he saw you win all that money.

Yeah, and I've been trying to catch up with you since.

Do you have to keep holding a gun on us?

Oh, this? It's a silly little cigar lighter.

Somebody gave it to me. I thought it was cute.

What do you want?

Ma'am, I'm going up to the round Robin motel

in Las Vegas.

And I sure would appreciate it if you'd come with me.

- What? - That's enough.

Mr. Hart, don't take it personal or anything like that.

I mean, you can come with us.

You see, what I'm...

What I'm trying to ask is,

would you play my chips for me at the roulette wheel?

I mean, we could go partners.

Fifty-fifty. What do you say?

Well, uh... waco?

[Waco] Ma'am.

If I'm the one with the luck,

why do I need a partner?

Phew, I was sure afraid you'd think like that.

[Jonathan] Waco?

Yes, sir.

Goodbye.

Well, you can't hang a guy for trying.

You can try.

You still coming up next Saturday to Nevada?

Maybe, if I can.

All right, bye. Bye to you, sir.

- Nevada? - Nevada?

Nevada, shmevada. To you I'm still Max.

- [Phone rings] - I'll get it.

Thanks.

Nevada?

Hello.

Uh, no, I'm sorry. He's not here.

I think he's left for england.

You might try him at the hotel.

Really?

Well, good luck.

That was the police. They're looking for inspector hegland.

Anything wrong?

The gun they found on the baron's body?

It was loaded with blanks.

Blanks?

But that doesn't make any sense.

Why would the baron try to escape

with a gun loaded with blanks?

Maybe he didn't know.

It wasn't his gun, remember?

It was Arthur's gun.

But why would Arthur have a gun loaded with blanks?

Good question.

Arthur did have access to that money.

He could've switched it before we left the club.

Information, could I have the number

of the new atani hotel in downtown Los Angeles, please?

And he was a little fast on the trigger,

plus he had his hands on the second million dollars.

Raising that was his idea.

Right. Thank you. Thank you.

Darling.

That means Arthur murdered the baron.

Yeah, that's exactly what he tried to do to you and me.

All in the line of duty.

Arthur Roman, please.

[Phone ringing]

- Hello. - [Jonathan] Hello, Arthur,

this is Jonathan hart.

I'm, uh, trying to locate

inspector hegland.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Hart.

I'm afraid he's already left for the airport.

Is there something I can do for you?

Do you know what airline was he taking?

I could reach him there.

No, I'm afraid I don't know.

But, uh, perhaps I can get a message to him.

[Pocketwatch chiming]

No, uh, that's not important.

Uh, you don't have to leave a message, Arthur.

Thank you very much.

Inspector hegland's in that room.

How do you know that?

I heard little Ben. Come on, let's go.

What's the matter, inspector?

Your genius not holding up in the last act?

Ah, it's too bad that you couldn't work this one out, huh?

[Dials telephone]

Hello. Front desk?

Where's that helicopter?

Yeah, look I have got a plane to catch.

Yeah, all right. Call me when it gets here.

You know, Nigel,

there are things I've always wanted to say to you.

You know how tired I've become

of playing second fiddle

to arrogant pigs like you?

That's all over now.

Setting me up as the baron's partner

was just perfect.

I've got his million stashed in a Paddington station locker,

and I got rid of him.

And now I have another million,

real money this time.

And all I have to do...

[Gun cocks]

is get rid of you.

[Tires squeal]

[Siren wails]

She's pregnant.

She's in pretty good shape for a pregnant woman.

Her normal weight is 89 pounds.

Follow me.

[Tires squeal]

[Siren wailing]

[Tires screech]

Hey, lady, that's not a hospital. That's a hotel.

We're using the Hilton method.

[Ringing]

Yes. Ah, it's here.

Okay. I'm on my way up.

Come along, Nigel.

Pity you're only going halfway.

[Glass shatters]

Take it up.

Well, I guess Arthur goes directly to jail.

And he won't collect the two million.

You know, I just thought of something.

Can you imagine what would have happened

if Arthur had grabbed the briefcase with the real money

and it all went flying?

It would've been raining money in Los Angeles.

Yeah. Arthur's luck ran out,

and, uh, so did yours.

You see where that puts you? Look.

One, two, three, four. Huh? There.

Oh, no.

That's the hart Plaza hotel.

I want $5,000 for that.

$5,000?

But I only have 750.

Well...

I'll give you my two utilities.

Oh, yeah? You may have to.

How about a get-out-of-jail-free card?

Mm-mm, $5,000.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Look at this. Ta-da!

Nope. Not fair.

Not fair?

You've been taking advantage of me all night.

Darling, I promise never to take advantage of you again.

Oh, well, I wouldn't go that far.

Oh, am I glad you said that.

Get out of the way, will you, freeway?

[Laughs]

[Freeway barks]

[Theme music playing]