Original subtitles

When I got a letter from my birth father when I was 14,

my parents were super cool about it.

Have you met him yet?

No, I haven't even read the letter.

Dear Su Jin...

One day, she went out and didn't come back

and we were forced to give you up.

Don't you dare.

George?

I can't, I can't. What?

I'm so sorry, Yu Chang.

No, uh-uh. Hi.

You cannot just come here and then do whatever you want.

I'm ready. For real this time.

Yu Chang, I like you.

A lot.

Please just give me one more chance.

You'd better not make me regret this.

Come in.

Are you right there?

Mm-hm.

Mm... What are you going to do?

(LAUGHS)

You are such a little creepo.

Come here.

Come here.

(ALARM BEEPS)

(GROANS) No!

Let's just stay here forever.

Oh, I wish. Gotta open the cafe.

You can stay here, though, if you want.

Nah, I've gotta get back to Mount Whiteman for Gotcha Day.

It's your pretend birthday today?

Yeah, and I've decided to tell my parents that

I'm gonna write to Korea,

to my birth father.

Jane, that's... That's huge!

That's great.

You're gonna... you're gonna connect with your Korean dad.

Uh, don't call him that.

Why? Well, he's not my dad.

Oh, right, I mean... I meant your biological...

Because I already have a dad, and he may not be perfect,

but he's a pretty bloody good dad.

Jack's awesome. I know. That's not what I meant.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Yeah.

(ALARM BEEPS)

You should, you should probably go. Yeah.

Alright.

Maybe I can pop over later and, I dunno, bring some cake...

..or something?

Depends what the something is.

(LINE RINGS)

Jane?

I did it.

I popped my Asian guy cherry. With Yu Chang!

How was it?

Oh, my God, Hera, it was like a religious experience.

I feel like I just got laid by Asian Jesus.

I just... Oh! Sorry. You OK?

You alright? Corners, yeah?

Mate, what the fu...?!

You OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm OK.

Just...

(SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(RECORD SCRATCHES)

(SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC FADES)

Yeah, I'm... I'm more than OK.

I'm cured.

I think I've cured my white fever.

Yes, bitch!

Yeah! I popped my Asian cherry.

I popped my Asian cherry.

I popped my Asian cherry. I popped my Asian cherry.

There it goes. OK. (GRUNTS)

Oh, God. There you go.

(PANTING) Alright.

Halvies?

You like Haw Flakes too?

(READS) I feel very sad for what happened.

I think of you, Su Jin, every day.

Please know it wasn't my choice.

I wanted to keep you.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

Hey, Dad?

Oh. Come... come in.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah, yeah, sure. What is it?

You know those letters I got... (SPLASH)

Mm-hm.

Oh, shit. Whoa.

Shit, shit, shit! No, here. Here.

I've got it. I've got it, got it. Whoa!

(CHUCKLES) (SPLASH)

Yeah.

No escaping now, ya slippery sashimi.

Don't.

Well, you know, jumping out like that?

I reckon he's got a death wish -

you know, trying to commit the old harikari.

Dad!

Mate, stop being a foolish fish finger.

Oh, my God, you're such a boofhead.

You're a boofhead. You are.

You - you are. So, what?

What did you want to tell me?

Oh. Um...

Nothing, nothing. It can... it can wait.

Home sweet home.

Hey... Hey, Dad.

Hey, I'm sorry about Llewellyn.

I-I should have told you earlier, but...

Janey, we don't need to.

You know, like you said, Mum's just going through a thing.

Everything's gonna be fine, trust me.

Our little family will be back to normal before you know it.

(MAN ARGUES)

That's your version of it.

That's your version.

In a garden out of sight, a flower sprouted small but bright,

without my seed, but with my water,

that flower grew...

ALL: Into our daughter!

Happy Gotcha Day, Janey!

Yay! Gotcha! Mum.

Gotcha!

And what about little Jane and the toilet?

No, not the toilet story.

You'd come into our room in the middle of the night

and we'd be woken with this little tap, tap, tap on the arm.

And we'd have to take it in turns to take you to the loo.

And sometimes you would insist that we both take you.

And we'd hoist you up onto the toilet.

And we'd have to hold you up there...

Because you'd always lose your balance

when you did number twos.

Oh, your mum and I, we make a good team, don't we?

(PHONE RINGS)

OK, Bob, finish your joke.

The crumpet turned to the waffle and said, "Well, what do you know?

"A sentient toaster!"

(LAUGHS)

Um... What's this? Low-alcohol wine?

Deirdre... Well, Dr Richard said

you need to be careful about drinking with your meds.

I don't mind it, actually - got some lovely floral notes.

Is anyone else getting rosewater?

Tell you what I'm not getting is pickled.

Everyone, I have some news that I want to share with you all.

It's about Korea. Oh!

Speaking of Korea, how cute are these?

(SQUEALS)

Oh. Oh, great.

Um... Whoopsie.

What did you want to say, Janey? Oh.

Um... Um...

I just wanted you all to know that...

Oh, Paul, please - they're decorative.

Janey, can you pass the little Asian man?

Sorry?

The little Korean salt man.

Oh, yeah. OK.

Thanks, darling.

What did you want to say, Janey?

Oh, I, um... I... I...

I'm going to write to Korea, to my birth father.

Oh, Janey! Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Dad?

If that's what you want, then I'm all for it.

I will always have your back, Janey, no matter what.

Oh, Dad. Thanks, Dad. Thanks. Thanks, Mum.

Look, I know I was a bit of a...

I was a bit of a ratbag back when I got the letters.

But I really am glad that you wrote back, Mum.

And that... and that,

yeah, you kept them safe for me until I felt ready to...

(SQUEALS)

Oh, the letters from your birth father.

I can't find them.

I'm so sorry, Janey.

I haven't read them for a while,

and I went to go and get them, but they're gone!

Oh, that's a shame. I can't find them anywhere.

Oh...

Oh!

Oh...

Oh, Janey, I'm so sorry.

The letter!

What...? What happened?

The, um...

Yeah. It wasn't my fault.

Someone, they, um...

I'm sorry, Mum.

What made you want to read them now?

Just felt like the right time.

Oh...

Maybe I should write again, too. What do you think?

Oh, I, um...

If you want, then...

Is it cake time?

(SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN KOREAN)

(CHEERING)

What did you wish for, Janey?

She can't tell you. Otherwise it won't come true.

It's unlikely to happen either way.

For God's sake, Bob, stop being such a...

I'm going to go to Korea.

Do you think you want to meet your birth family?

I don't know. Maybe.

Oh!

I had given up hope this day would ever come.

See? This is the best Gotcha Day ever.

Just to be clear, you haven't actually written to Korea yet?

No, not yet.

How do you know your birth family still want to meet you?

Mum! They wrote over 15 years ago.

Maybe their situation has changed.

Maybe they're dead. Bob!

OK, well, I guess I'll...

I'll just... I'll just find out, won't I?

You're really serious about this?

Yeah.

Yes, I am.

So this is different from the time

you decided you wanted to become a vegan?

Dad. Only to find you later that night,

hiding out the back, gorging on sausages!

I just like meat. OK?

Don't worry, love - we descended from cavemen.

We're supposed to eat meat.

Well, yes, but not supermarket sausages.

Meat's meat. No, meat is not just meat.

It matters where it comes from.

Look, I'm serious about going to Korea.

And we think it's a wonderful idea. Don't we, Jack?

Dad?

Take where Jane's from. Oh, here we go.

They can't get enough of Australian beef over there.

I mean, it's good for our economy, but it's not natural.

Korean people eating Australian beef?

Our caveman ancestors would be rolling in their graves.

Well, if they want to eat our meat, I think it's great.

There's nothing better than Aussie beef.

I'm sure Korean beef is pretty tasty too.

I don't think they have many cows over there.

They have cows. Actually, their Hanwoo beef

is considered to be premium.

Aussie beef is superior.

Yeah, it's just a fact.

Is it, though? Well, if Korean beef is so tasty,

why do they import so much Aussie beef?

Because it's better.

Or maybe they were just made to think it was better,

but that doesn't mean it is actually better though.

They were just told that it was for so long,

they started to believe it, and then it just became a fact.

And then they just kept eating it and eating it

when, yeah, maybe Uncle Bob is right.

Maybe they should just be eating their own meat.

To be fair, we do have more acreage to raise cows...

I had sex with an Asian man!

Are you talking about the sex doll? A sex doll?

I wish things like that were around when I still had the flexibility.

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la... ♪ No, no.

I'm not talking about the sex doll.

I'm... I'm talking about Yu Chang. I had sex with Yu Chang.

Oh, you mean George Yu Chang? Who?

Becky's George.

He's reclaimed his Chinese name.

Oh, Dragon Empress Becky.

George - he was such a sweet, tiny, little thing.

Well, he's not tiny anymore.

He's filled out in all the right places,

and he's very hot and very hairless and very Asian.

And you know what?

I think I really, really like him.

Janey!

What does it matter that he's Asian?

What do you mean?

You keep saying he's Asian. It's a bit offensive, isn't it?

No! No.

It's a good thing.

I just meant that he's way more Asian than I am.

Yes, but that's because you're not very Asian.

That's my point. I'm not following.

Well, I'm not very Asian.

And you want to be very Asian? Yes!

Maybe. Why?

Because...

Because I am Asian!

Oh, my God, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Well, that makes two of us.

So you don't see me as Asian?

No, of course not. Mum?

Do you see me as Asian?

Um...

I'm not sure I quite understand the question.

Yes, of course, you're Asian, Jane.

You might not be very Asian,

but you're still Asian. Well, it depends.

I mean, biologically, I'd say yes, but culturally, no.

This is because of you. What's because of me?

You, just out of the blue, deciding after 40 years of marriage

that you're a lesbian.

And now our daughter decides that she wants to go

to a foreign country and eat Asian meat.

You're a lesbian?

I identify as pansexual.

And it's not a foreign country,

it's her birth country.

And if she wants to go and eat Asian meat,

then I want her to go and eat as much Asian meat

as she can get her hands on.

And so should you! Well, I don't, OK?

I just want things to go back to normal.

Jane, do not get caught up in all this craziness.

You're just our little Janey, and that's all there is to it.

No, Grandma Coral is right.

I am Asian, I'm Korean, and my birth name is Su Jin.

All you need to know is that you are just like us.

You're just like me!

Well, maybe I don't want to be like you anymore!

May...

Maybe I want more.

More? More what?

More of something that you can't give me.

When did you become so ungrateful?

We have given you everything!

Yeah, well, what about what I've lost?!

Do you think we could have the cake now?

Oh, thanks for the lift, Mum.

Just... Oh.

Ow! Mum...

Adopting you was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Oh, Mum, please.

I don't think I can handle anything heavy right now.

I didn't think I would survive.

Oh, God. OK.

When we went to pick you up from Korea...

Oh, I was a mess.

But your dad, though, he was my rock.

He always kept it together.

And then you turn out to be this most perfect little thing.

Yeah, you just...

You used to follow him around,

and you would just hang on his every word.

He was so relieved.

Oh, he was so happy.

He was the happiest I have ever seen him.

And if I'm honest...

..I was jealous.

Mum...

'Cause you and him connected in a way that...

..in a way that you and I never did.

I think he thought things would never change.

With you or with me.

Oh, Mum!

Oh, Mum. Mum, don't cry.

You'll make me cry. No.

It's alright. Don't cry.

I don't want to cry.

And I don't want your gross, snotty hanky!

Gross!

(LAUGHS)

Sometimes I wish things could just go back to how they were.

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

You and your dad are so alike.

Talk to him, Jane. Oh, no...

Life is too short to hold grudges, especially with family.

These belong with you.

Thanks.

How about May?

What?

For our trip to Korea.

Oh! Oh, you want to come?

Of course, silly!

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Right!

(SOFTLY) Right.

Oh.

Wh...?

No. No... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Please. Kintaro, Kintaro, Kintaro.

Come on, come on.

Come on. Come on, Kintaro, come on.

Come on, come on. (PHONE BUZZES)

(LAUGHS SOFTLY) Is this something up to scratch?

Would that go with a fish finger?

Oh. Is that...? Is that dead?

Yep. Yep.

(CRYING) Yep.

How'd it go with your Mum and Dad today?

Um...

Pretty shit, actually.

Oh...

Hey, I'm sorry.

I told them about you.

What'd you say?

Um, you know, that you and I, uh...

That we, uh...?

Yes. We what?

You know, that we hooked up.

Wait, you told your parents that we had sex?

No.

Well, yeah, but it's...

I don't know. It's that...

We, um, we got into this...

..got into this stupid argument about me being Asian or not.

It was so fucked up, and, um...

I'm... I'm sorry. It just kind of came out.

'Cause having sex with me is proof that you're Asian?

No. What?

What are we even...?

This is... This is so dumb.

Let-let... Let's just eat cake and make out.

No, hang on, Jane -

fucking me is not gonna make you more Asian.

What?

Grow up, Jane.

Everyone else figured this shit out ages ago.

You know what? Fuck you.

Not everyone got to have it easy like you did.

What are you...? You're the one that had it easy.

I couldn't just pretend that I'm not Asian whenever I wanted to.

Yeah, because you didn't have to pretend, did you?

You didn't have to pretend at school or at the supermarket

or fucking tennis practice or on your fucking birthday.

You just got to go home and chill and eat handmade dumplings

with your perfect Chinese mum, who looked just like you.

Jane, I'm sorry, OK? I didn't... I didn't know that's the way...

I think you should go.

Jane, hang on. I'm sorry. You know what?

I did think fucking you would make me more Asian, but, um...

..you're right.

I don't think it worked.

I guess that means you and me -

we're done.

♪ You know, I'm pretty well tired of walking this road

♪ Yeah, I'm wondering what it's all about

♪ You know, I'm pretty well styled I keep in the mode

♪ But the mode wants to keep me way out

♪ I feel the city drag under my feet, keeps me beat

♪ I just want to scream and to shout

♪ I make a little black tea (PHONE RINGS)

♪ And I pour it inside

♪ But it falls through I'm all hollowed out

(GROANS)

♪ And when you break me a smile

♪ Your light is a star And your star is a light in the sky

♪ But when you break me, I cry

♪ Black holes open up, swallow everything

♪ I don't know why

♪ When all the light is gone

♪ Sailing off far from home

♪ When all seems quite alone

♪ You're a light Lead me home, lead me home

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ And what's it to you if I'm high or low?

♪ What's the difference above or below?

♪ Oh-oh-oh

♪ Surely now the fight is gone

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh... ♪ (MESSAGE BEEPS)

(TANNOY BEEPS)

(OVER TANNOY) Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

This is the final boarding call for flight KE 704 to Seoul.

Please proceed to game seven for immediate boarding.

Please have your boarding pass and passport ready.

(CONVERSATIONS IN KOREAN)

♪ All that you give is what you don't deliver

♪ Stuck in a phase

♪ Misguided by mistakes

♪ Your addictive poison is dragging me down... ♪

(SPEAKS KOREAN)

Oh. You dropped this.

Oh, thanks.

Is that your dad?

Um...

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.