Original subtitles

Charlie, have you heard of, um...

..white fever?

EDI: I am honoured to be joining your beautiful family.

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

Who the fuck ARE you?

George? (BOTH MOAN)

Mum?!

Oh! Jane!

(GASPS) Shit! Shit! Shit!

CHARLIE: What's going on with you and sexy roadkill guy?

JANE: Nothing.

SONG: ♪ So lately

♪ I've been staring up at our ceiling... ♪

(BUBBLING)

♪ Don't you think we'd be happy

♪ Running away... ♪

(SPEAKS KOREAN)

Ready! (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Oh! (LAUGHS)

Mmm!

You really like chijeu, yes?

(LAUGHS)

I have a massive weakness for cheese and pies.

And...

(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah.

I love cheese too.

(GASPS) Kon-chijeu is my favourite.

Corn cheese?

It's not traditional but, um, very popular.

Mmm! Us Koreans, we love chijeu too much.

(LAUGHS)

Wait. How... how do you know I'm Korean?

Square face.

You have strong jaw and high cheekbones.

Just like my ma.

(LAUGHS) Very Korean.

(LAUGHS)

Really?

(LAUGHS) Um... give me, like... (LAUGHS)

..give me that.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

Let me... (BOTH LAUGH)

No, no. Come on.

(BOTH LAUGH) OK. OK.

Oh! Oh, it's dropping. Ah, ah, ah. Oh, oh, oh.

Ah. (LAUGHS)

Mmm. (LAUGHS) (DOOR OPENS)

Oh! JACK: Oh.

I got to the youth centre and I forgot my bloody toolbox!

What a dingbat!

Hey, that Charlie fella's got a lot of spunk, hasn't he?

Janey, you in there? (KNOCKS)

(MOANS)

JACK: Janey?

No.

(MOANS) JACK: She must have gone out.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

Oh, sorry. (LAUGHS)

Sorry.

Sorry, that was just my dad.

Korean fathers can be very strict. Mm-hm.

Um, my dad is super-chill, and he's not Korean.

Sorry?

That's us. I'll show you.

Oh. There.

I'm adopted.

(LAUGHS) Adopted?

Hm. Yeah.

Oh.

Ib-yang-in.

Ibi... ibi... ibi what?

I saw documentary about ib-yang and...

..all the babies

and all the children who are abandoned.

Oh, so sad. Sad?

No, it's... it's not sad.

You're very resilient.

You are real Korean.

Yeah, I'm definitely not a real Korean.

Of course you are real Korean. No, no, no.

You are a real Korean.

Me, I'm just... Korean.

You are real Korean.

Yep. (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) OK.

Sure.

That's me, real Korean.

(SIGHS)

How old were you when you were adopted?

Mmm... about four, five.

So you can speak Korean?

(LAUGHS) No, course I can't!

Don't worry.

It's still in there.

Somewhere. You have a very strong han.

Han?

Is that a good thing?

(LAUGHS) Yeah. Very good. Oh.

(LAUGHS) But also very sad.

(SIGHS) Oh.

(SPLASHING)

Is your fish OK?

JANE: Actually, he's a rescue fish.

I saved him from this...

..really bad guy, um...

..but don't worry - he's fine now.

Jane.

You're a good person.

You think so?

You're kind and you're strong and...

..you look after the fish.

(LAUGHS) (SIGHS)

JANE: Thanks, Dae.

And you are

real Korean to me.

(SOBS)

(SNIFFS)

JANE: Oh.

What...

..what... what's wrong?

The fish, and you.

No Korea.

No love.

Love? Oh, no, I get love.

Don't worry. I get a lot of love. (BOTH LAUGH)

Listen. Um... no, no. See, see.

(SOBS) I'm very... loved.

You ib-yang-in, and your fish ib-yang-in.

I'm ashamed.

What? You... are our national shame.

(SOBS)

Oh... Oh! I'm so sorry!

(SOBS)

What the fuck?

(TYPING ON COMPUTER KEYBOARD)

(JANE READS QUOTE)

"Korean adoptees thus comprise

"the largest global child displacement in history."

Jesus Christ!

Oh!

(TYPES)

There's that Asian chick again.

(SPEAKS KOREAN)

Resist.

(SPEAKS KOREAN)

Embrace. (CHEERING)

(LAUGHS)

HERA: Do you have white fever?

Lots of Asians and POC growing up in white spaces have got it.

But us Korean adoptees,

we not only grew up in white spaces

but in white homes.

So the people we call family, who we love most in the world,

are white people.

So our white fever is, like, on a whole other level.

Is the reason you didn't want to date Asians

really because of the 1-in-a-billion chance

they could be your long-lost brother?

Or is it because dating an Asian would have been social suicide

and every bone in your body was screaming, "Abort! Abort! Abort!

"You're gonna die"?

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

(PRESSES KEY)

So... is it your fault that you've got white fever,

that you're a racist dater?

Um... yes?

No! (WHISTLE BLOWS)

(BOOING) Absolutely not.

This is what happens when you grow up around football-loving yobbos

and "Asian invasion" bullshit... (ECHOES) ..bullshit... bullshit.

You had no control. It really is not your fault.

Yeah. It... it's not my fault.

But you are a grown-arse woman now.

So while it may not be your fault,

it is your problem.

So it's time to take responsibility.

But it's so hard!

(SIGHS) I know it's hard, Jane.

What? Yes.

I'm talking to you, Jane.

I'm not gonna lie.

Decolonising your libido is hard work.

But don't be a basic whitewash bitch.

It's time to take control.

Rewire your desire.

Detox your box.

Reboot your coot.

You can do it, Jane.

You can cure your white fever.

(LAUGHS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHS)

(MAN GRUNTS)

Oh! How you like them apples? (LAUGHS)

Yeah, yeah. Not bad for an old codger.

(LAUGHS) Could an old codger do this?

Hey-yah!

Yah! Wah! (LAUGHS)

Hey, little fella. Hey, you want to fight?

Hey-ya!

Ha!

Ha-ah! Whoo!

Hey... yah!

(BOTH LAUGH)

JACK: Hah!

He was just playing.

Oh! Hey.

Take some photos.

OK. What... uh... what's... what's this for?

For the socials.

Oh, Dad. (LAUGHS)

Good news, boofhead.

Your mum's not seeing anyone after all.

Oh! Um... Yeah, you were right.

I mean, it's just Deidre being Deidre.

I mean, she's too busy saving the world to be seeing a new fella.

And she's, uh, always off hiking with her piano teacher.

(SHUTTER CLICKS) What... what's her name, again?

It's her organ teacher, and it's Llewellyn.

Oh, wow.

That's one to wrap your tongue around.

Llew... ellyn.

(BOTH LAUGH) Yeah.

Uh, Dad, um...

(BOTH SPEAK FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

What?

Oh. Um... nothing.

Just, um...

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Did I, um... did I s...

..speak much Korean when I was little?

Oh, yeah. I mean, we couldn't shut you up.

You'd always march around the house singing and dancing in Korean.

And we had no idea what you were on about, but you were so bloody cute.

(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

And then one day, you just stopped.

Speaking of cute, check this out.

Not bad for an old codger. (JANE LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) (PHONE CHIMES)

JACK: Yeah.

What the...?

JACK: Wow.

Oh, cor.

What a handsome devil.

Hey?

Oh, God! (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

(PHONE CHIMES) JACK: (LAUGHS) Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

SONG: ♪ I got candy and my teeth gonna rot

♪ I got candy and my teeth gonna rot

♪ I got candy and my teeth gonna rot

♪ I got candy and my teeth gonna rot

♪ I got candy and my teeth gonna rot

♪ I got candy and my teeth gonna rot... ♪

Are you Hera?

Annyeong, Jane. I'm Hera.

Um...

..was it raining?

(LAUGHS)

You ready?

(DOOR OPENS)

I love your videos. I'm only dating Asian guys too.

Oh, good for you.

I'm only dating Koreans now.

Oh. Wow.

I... I actually went on a date with a Korean guy,

but I don't think he was quite right in the head.

Jane, are you serious about decolonising this

and this?

Yeah! That's why I'm here!

Then stop blaming others and do the work.

But... Fully immerse yourself.

OK, um, and... and how do I do that?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Yo, everyone.

Everyone!

This is Jane.

Jane, meet the Korean adoptees.

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

(WOMAN 2 GASPS)

I'm Suzie!

Is this your first adoptee dinner?

So everyone here is adopted from Korea?

Yeah. We meet once a month.

We're like a little family.

Oh!

Oh, welcome! (LAUGHS)

Is that the toy cat from that new K-drama?

Yes! It's Maeun!

I can't! Maeun is too cute! Oh, don't you just want to eat him?

Meow! (LAUGHS) Oh.

Uh... um... S... sorry. I... Oh!

How do you know Hera? JANE: I don't really.

Just... just from her videos.

Did you see the one about her adoptive parents?

WOMAN: That was cooked.

No. What... what was it?

Hera announced she's cutting ties with her adoptive parents.

What? Why?

When she started searching for her birth parents,

things got... weird.

Weird like how?

WOMAN 1: You know what some adoptive parents can be like.

I don't think they could handle it.

WOMAN 2: Oh. Don't worry.

What happened with Hera and her folks is super-rare.

Oh. Yeah, that... that wouldn't happen with me and my mum and dad. That's...

So I'm guessing you haven't started a birth family search or anything?

No, no, but, um...

..when I... when I got a letter from my birth father

when I was 14, my parents were super-cool about it.

My mum was the one who wrote back.

So... have you met him yet?

No. (LAUGHS) No.

I... I haven't even read the letter. What?!

You received a letter from your birth father?

WOMAN 1: And you never read it?

MAN: Alright, everybody chill.

Not every adoptee's obsessed with meeting their birth parents.

You know, most people search for years and don't find anything.

How long have you had the letter for?

Maybe you should take your time.

You don't want to rush into these things.

The first time I met my bio parents was full-on.

Do you think once you've read the letter, you might feel differently?

You might not want to connect now, but you might change your mind.

Aren't you curious to meet someone who looks just like you?

I don't want to read the letter, OK?!

And... and I'm not dumb enough to think that

meeting someone who looks like me

is gonna miraculously make my life better!

(SOBS)

It's OK.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

(INAUDIBLE)

Yeah, Suzie was meant to meet her birth mum in Korea,

but she no-showed.

Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Similar thing happened to Hera.

Ah.

(SPEAKS KOREAN) (SPEAKS KOREAN)

So, um... so you... you speak Korean?

Ah, that's about it, yeah.

Oh, and, uh, chicken.

I can order chicken.

"Chikin, juseyo."

So 'chicken' in Korean is the same?

It's different.

'Chicken'. 'Chikin'.

Hear the difference?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally.

Your turn. Give it a go. Ah.

'Chicken'. Mm-hm.

'Chikin'.

Mate! You're a natural.

(SQUELCHING) Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Chikin.

Chikin. (SQUELCHING)

MAN: Chikin.

Can we chat?

Alone?

Hey.

Don't waste your time with Kev.

He's got white fever bad. Yeah, but so do I.

So... Trust me.

He doesn't count.

But I might actually want to have sex with him.

HERA: You're only attracted to Kev

'cause he's literally the closest thing to being a white guy

without actually being a white guy.

So adoptees don't count as Asian?

It depends on the adoptee.

Me, yes.

You... need some work.

Him...

..definitely not.

His libido is so white, he probably uses mayonnaise as lube.

(LAUGHS)

Hey!

I thought you said you were serious.

I am!

White fever is a serious addiction.

And... like any addiction,

you first have to admit there's a problem.

And the problem isn't really white men, is it?

It's not?

It's you.

It's me?

Let's get this party on the road!

Where are you guys going?

Mate's gig.

You want to come?

Oh, I... I might just hang here for a bit.

Just in case.

(LAUGHS) Wait, wait.

So...

..first guy, you... you push into a wall.

Mm-hm.

Second guy, you... you shoved your hand into his face,

and then the last one, you made cry?

Yep. Pretty much.

Why are you even bothering at this point?

I don't... (LAUGHS) ..I don't think I even know anymore.

Just tell me you're not buying into that, like,

"whitewash vagina" crap.

It's... Ugh.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Ah! Jeez. I feel like I'm back in Korea.

And this music - the Koreans love depressing stuff.

(LAUGHS) (INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

Dae, uh, my crying Korean guy,

he... he told me I have han.

Yeah. I think it's, like, a special brand of Korean trauma.

Really? Yeah.

(LAUGHS) Have you seen any Korean films ever?

They're super-dark, super-fucked up, but they love it.

Just don't think I could ever really hook up with a real Korean.

Mmm.

I mean, I think we make them feel guilty, and...

..the most I could hope for is, like, a pity fuck.

Well, in my experience, you'd be lucky to even get that.

(BOTH LAUGH) Would you like to have some beer?

Yes. Mmm.

It's not all bad, though.

Um...

..you know what, mate, could we also do some soju as well?

Uh, Jane here, she's going through a real tough time.

Jane is a Korean adoptee.

BARTENDER: Oh, no!

Ah, ib-yang-in.

But good news is we've found her Korean father.

Oh, right.

After years and years of searching,

we found her Korean family.

JANE: Yeah, it's, um... we...

..we couldn't have done it without the private investigator.

No, he was pivotal. But... but... ugh.

It was... it was so... so worth it in the end.

KEV: Mm-hm.

Been such an emotional roller-coaster.

So... Oh, no, no, no.

That's OK. That's OK. You know.

Thank God we found him.

I'm so happy for you.

I mean, family is the most important thing, isn't it?

Yeah. MAN: Oh, no, no.

It's on the house. Thank you. KEV: What?!

No, you didn't have to...

(LAUGHS)

Oh, my God! That was so good!

You know, uh, I'm not usually into Asian chicks.

Oh, well, you know, I'm not usually into Asian guys, so...

(LAUGHS)

Uh, so, is that your type?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, bleach blonde, fake tan, legs for days.

How about yours?

Um...

Ooh. Yep.

Ginger brick shithouse.

Uh, chest hair you could, like, drive a ride-on-mower through.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

You know, I...

..I have tried, though,

uh, with Asian chicks.

But, um, it's almost like I have, like, a mental block or something.

Yeah. It feels a little weird.

Almost like I'm kissing myself.

Yes, yes, exactly! (LAUGHS)

It's like... it's like when you were, like, little

and you would, like, practise kissing the mirror.

(LAUGHS) Shut up!

No. No, no, no, no. I did it too.

Um...

Yeah, I was the last one out of my mates to get my first kiss.

Oh. Yeah. So I had to practise somehow.

But I'd have to keep my eyes shut.

I just, um... I just couldn't look at myself.

Yes, me too.

(LAUGHS)

Do you want to get out of here?

Yeah.

Yeah? OK.

Sorry! Uh, s... Oh. I'm so... I'm so sorry.

I've... just, I've gotta go. I'm so s... I'm so busting for the loo.

It's... I just... I'm gonna... I'm just gonna be, uh, one... one sec.

(SIGHS)

You can do this, Jane.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(MOANS)

(GAGS)

(LAUGHTER)

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) (WOMAN LAUGHS)

BARTENDER: More soju?

Uh... I'm... I'm all done.

Um... how much for all that?

Oh. No, it's on the house.

Yeah, thanks, um, but I... I'd...

..I'd prefer to pay.

Oh, no, it's OK. Complimentary. Yes, yes, I know, but I want to pay.

Oh. KEV: Jane!

What are you doing? It's free. Yes, for you to celebrate.

I don't need your fucking charity.

Just let me pay for the fucking drinks!

(INAUDIBLE) (BEEPING)

OK.

(BEEPING) (SIGHS)

230 for you.

Oh.

Um...

..OK.

Um...

(BEEPING)

(LAUGHS)

Uh... (BEEPING)

Private investigators, they...

..they are quite pricey, so...

Oh. It's OK.

I'm sorry.

(KEV SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Excuse me. I just...

Yeah. OK. Thank you.

Sorry.

(GLASSES CLINK)

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYS INDISTINCTLY)

(SCREAMING AND LAUGHTER)

Hi. (LAUGHS)

MAN: Ticket, please.

Head in, lads.

Oh. Sorry. No, that's good.

Make up your mind, love.

You in or out? Uh... uh...

I... (LAUGHS)

I can't believe that happened. (LAUGHS)

I'm... I... I'm out.

I'm... Oh, sorry.

Jane!

Hey, Jane!

Who is that?

Just a friend.

SONG: ♪ Well, if I love like the break of day

♪ Then I can only fade away... ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

♪ And if I hang on the words you say... ♪

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

♪ Then I can't know what I am made of... ♪

(SIGHS)

(SINGS IN KOREAN)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(KOREAN SONG PLAYS)

And look. (CLICKING)

DOLL: You're my best friend.

George! Are you eating all the haw flakes?

Oh, wow.

This is the guy who owns I Am Yu,

this iconic cafe gallery.

Sorry, we're closed. (LAUGHS)

Jane! Is that you? It's been too long.

JANE: Becky, did I do something bad when I was a teenager?

YU CHANG: Interesting move. JANE: 'Scuse?

YU CHANG: Seeing my mum to get my attention.