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1
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To an awesome night
2
00:00:03,806 --> 00:00:04,835
at Cooper's concert.
3
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:06,330
Yay. Cheers.
4
00:00:06,355 --> 00:00:07,573
Mm.
5
00:00:13,315 --> 00:00:15,390
Oh, that takes me back.
6
00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,100
To what?
7
00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:20,421
Uh, our last HOA meeting.
8
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:24,601
Oh, I can already tell I'm gonna
get into a fight tonight.
9
00:00:27,306 --> 00:00:28,698
Ooh, I'm so excited.
10
00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:30,054
We get full VIP treatment,
11
00:00:30,079 --> 00:00:32,007
- which means free drinks.
- Yeah.
12
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,773
And... Oh, my God.
13
00:00:33,798 --> 00:00:35,576
How is it already 8:40?
14
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:36,585
8:40?
15
00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:39,171
That's practically 9:15!
16
00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:41,122
- Crazy.
- No. No.
17
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,226
Not tonight.
18
00:00:44,413 --> 00:00:46,055
We won't let you do that
thing where you get tired
19
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:47,863
and talk yourselves out of going out.
20
00:00:47,888 --> 00:00:49,890
You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.
21
00:00:50,046 --> 00:00:51,830
Okay. Full VIP treatment.
22
00:00:51,855 --> 00:00:53,595
- Backstage. Sold-out concert.
- Yeah. Yep!
23
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,490
Yeah, it sounds great!
24
00:00:55,515 --> 00:00:57,212
Yeah.
25
00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:59,382
- But I did just get a new pillow.
- Mm-hmm.
26
00:01:00,006 --> 00:01:02,428
And we're going grocery
shopping tomorrow, you know?
27
00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:05,500
With all the driving and the parking
28
00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:06,765
and then you forget to validate
29
00:01:06,789 --> 00:01:08,647
and then you got to go back inside.
30
00:01:08,765 --> 00:01:09,781
And they're all like,
31
00:01:09,806 --> 00:01:11,417
"Validation's for customers only".
32
00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:13,762
And you're like, "I was
just in here, Janine!"
33
00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:15,565
Yeah, plus,
34
00:01:15,590 --> 00:01:16,937
we got to be fresh tomorrow,
35
00:01:16,962 --> 00:01:19,079
'cause we're meeting with
a life insurance agent.
36
00:01:20,642 --> 00:01:22,522
Why do you guys need life insurance?
37
00:01:22,555 --> 00:01:24,417
You're zero risk.
38
00:01:26,064 --> 00:01:27,564
Well, actually,
39
00:01:27,589 --> 00:01:30,209
we have been talking about...
40
00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:32,710
starting a family soon.
41
00:01:34,383 --> 00:01:35,800
Uh...
42
00:01:35,825 --> 00:01:37,218
you're not excited?
43
00:01:37,407 --> 00:01:40,013
We're just tired of
getting our hopes up.
44
00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:41,577
You two have been dangling that carrot
45
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,803
in front of us for so long
46
00:01:42,828 --> 00:01:45,423
we've got baby blue balls.
47
00:01:50,264 --> 00:01:52,263
No, I-I mean, we'd love to have kids.
48
00:01:52,288 --> 00:01:54,944
It's just, you know, it's been
really crazy at work, you know?
49
00:01:54,969 --> 00:01:57,755
Um, but after tax season,
it's gonna be, uh,
50
00:01:57,780 --> 00:02:00,002
"tax that ass" season.
51
00:02:02,352 --> 00:02:04,710
Well, trust us, it's good
to get your party days in
52
00:02:04,735 --> 00:02:06,256
before you have kids.
53
00:02:06,639 --> 00:02:09,460
Or someday you will find
yourself retired early
54
00:02:09,485 --> 00:02:11,921
and sneaking so much rosé
into your cornflakes
55
00:02:11,946 --> 00:02:14,043
you end up hitting on the mailman.
56
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:17,809
All I said is Jeff has nice calves.
57
00:02:17,834 --> 00:02:20,288
What, now I can't say facts?
58
00:02:20,313 --> 00:02:21,864
I don't want to fight about it.
59
00:02:21,889 --> 00:02:23,208
Hey, guys.
60
00:02:23,233 --> 00:02:24,311
Who's ready to party?
61
00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:25,788
All right.
62
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,225
- Um...
- Eh...
63
00:02:31,021 --> 00:02:33,194
So... yeah.
64
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,436
Is it okay if we take a rain check?
65
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,155
Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.
66
00:02:37,180 --> 00:02:38,085
I'll hit you up the next time
67
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:39,870
I've sold out the Forum
three nights in a row
68
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:42,085
and convinced Post
Malone to open for me.
69
00:02:42,577 --> 00:02:44,884
Great, man. Sounds good.
70
00:02:46,097 --> 00:02:49,057
Any idea what a Post Malone is?
71
00:02:49,082 --> 00:02:50,421
Uh...
72
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:55,543
I think it's what you do when
you're finished Maloning.
73
00:02:56,978 --> 00:03:00,460
♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪
74
00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:03,092
♪ I think about you day and night ♪
75
00:03:03,117 --> 00:03:05,007
♪ It's only right ♪
76
00:03:05,032 --> 00:03:08,070
♪ So happy together... ♪
77
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:14,304
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
78
00:03:18,381 --> 00:03:20,276
Wow.
79
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:26,116
All that sleep we got was
amaz-z-z-zing. Yeah.
80
00:03:26,141 --> 00:03:28,491
I added a few extra Zs
'cause I caught so many.
81
00:03:28,516 --> 00:03:29,821
Oh.
82
00:03:29,846 --> 00:03:31,086
I know. I tried to wake you up,
83
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,960
and you flipped me off in your sleep.
84
00:03:34,149 --> 00:03:36,567
Oh, my God.
85
00:03:40,709 --> 00:03:42,023
Wow.
86
00:03:42,048 --> 00:03:45,110
I guess Cooper's after-party
must've been cray.
87
00:03:46,147 --> 00:03:48,295
Do people still say "cray"?
88
00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:52,355
I think only when they're
describing "how a bitch be",
89
00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:53,860
but...
90
00:03:56,422 --> 00:03:57,858
All right, baby.
91
00:03:57,902 --> 00:03:59,686
Let's take out the trash.
92
00:03:59,711 --> 00:04:01,608
Okay. Yeah, I'll try to wake 'em up.
93
00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:02,913
Um...
94
00:04:03,029 --> 00:04:04,819
Okay. Mommy. Dad.
95
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,615
Can I talk to 'em?
96
00:04:12,939 --> 00:04:14,463
'Scuse me, uh,
97
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,897
Bonnie,
98
00:04:16,335 --> 00:04:17,818
Gerald.
99
00:04:18,690 --> 00:04:20,527
Can you, uh...
100
00:04:27,125 --> 00:04:28,909
All right, folks,
101
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:32,111
time to get up and get goin', please.
102
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,475
Your house is way more comfortable,
103
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,131
and it's also...
104
00:04:36,156 --> 00:04:37,244
a lot quieter.
105
00:04:43,559 --> 00:04:44,647
Soo!
106
00:04:44,672 --> 00:04:45,803
Okay.
107
00:04:45,998 --> 00:04:47,449
All cards on the table...
108
00:04:47,474 --> 00:04:49,120
Either I dreamt about
peeing on your couch
109
00:04:49,145 --> 00:04:50,985
or I peed on your couch.
110
00:05:03,226 --> 00:05:04,304
Oh, hey, buddy.
111
00:05:04,329 --> 00:05:05,330
How was the concert?
112
00:05:05,491 --> 00:05:07,067
Well, I thought it went well, but...
113
00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:09,229
according to this L.A. Times review,
114
00:05:09,254 --> 00:05:11,453
"the venue was full, but
the songs were empty".
115
00:05:11,715 --> 00:05:13,412
And then he gave it
116
00:05:13,582 --> 00:05:15,818
four out of five poop emojis.
117
00:05:16,956 --> 00:05:19,468
Why do you care what this reviewer says?
118
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:22,757
Because... 'cause I
kind of agree with him.
119
00:05:22,813 --> 00:05:24,567
You know, I'm 40 days into my tour,
120
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,361
and I feel like I just sing
121
00:05:26,386 --> 00:05:28,693
the same shallow songs
over and over again.
122
00:05:28,775 --> 00:05:29,776
Dude, you're 21.
123
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,038
What are you gonna sing about,
124
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:33,082
opening a Roth IRA?
125
00:05:33,464 --> 00:05:36,320
Why don't you try writing a song
that's more meaningful to you?
126
00:05:36,345 --> 00:05:37,346
Well, I have.
127
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,934
Most of my songs start out sincere.
128
00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:41,039
But then I'd get scared that
my fans won't like them,
129
00:05:41,063 --> 00:05:42,746
so I increase the tempo, add a beat,
130
00:05:42,789 --> 00:05:44,940
and then change the
word "heart" to "butt".
131
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:46,651
Huh.
132
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:48,839
That does explain...
133
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,223
♪ Girl, relax your butt,
let my lovin' flow ♪
134
00:05:51,248 --> 00:05:55,028
♪ Entwine your butt with
mine, let the lovin' grow. ♪
135
00:05:58,844 --> 00:06:00,802
Claire, I-I knew you could sing,
136
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,270
but you have a really amazing voice.
137
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,677
Oh, come on. I mean, I
don't know if that's...
138
00:06:04,702 --> 00:06:06,661
♪ True... ♪
139
00:06:06,693 --> 00:06:08,286
♪ Yeah. ♪
140
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,057
Claire, I'm serious.
141
00:06:10,082 --> 00:06:11,239
Well, uh, you know,
142
00:06:11,264 --> 00:06:12,614
if you want to sing a
more personal song,
143
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,478
why don't you test it out
at your next concert?
144
00:06:14,502 --> 00:06:16,237
Because fans hate new music at concerts.
145
00:06:16,262 --> 00:06:18,142
Have you ever been booed
by thousands of people?
146
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:19,375
Yes.
147
00:06:21,669 --> 00:06:23,453
At Dodger Stadium,
148
00:06:23,478 --> 00:06:25,417
when I snagged a foul
ball from a small man
149
00:06:25,442 --> 00:06:27,160
who turned out to be a kid.
150
00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:30,958
In a wheelchair.
151
00:06:33,072 --> 00:06:35,848
Well, why don't you try doing a
smaller, more intimate show?
152
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:36,961
What, alone?
153
00:06:36,986 --> 00:06:39,118
No-no backup dancers? No pyrotechnics?
154
00:06:39,143 --> 00:06:41,402
Guys, I'll feel naked
without my laser tuxedo.
155
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:44,216
I mean, you could make it a duet,
156
00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:46,112
and then you'll have
someone up there with you.
157
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,528
That's actually a great idea.
158
00:06:48,553 --> 00:06:50,520
I can't wait to start
changing my lyrics back
159
00:06:50,545 --> 00:06:52,402
from "butt" to "heart".
160
00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:54,411
Oh!
161
00:06:54,436 --> 00:06:57,973
Your latest single was supposed
to be "Eat Your Heart Out".
162
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,235
Gosh, I can't believe how
healthy and safe you guys are.
163
00:07:05,278 --> 00:07:06,254
You're on track for the lowest
164
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,129
life insurance rate I've ever seen.
165
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:12,024
So, just a few more questions.
166
00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:14,410
Do you have any pre-existing
medical conditions?
167
00:07:14,436 --> 00:07:17,439
Well, I've been told I
have too big a heart.
168
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:19,771
Oh.
169
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,301
You suffer from hypertrophic
cardiomyopathy?
170
00:07:22,988 --> 00:07:24,511
No.
171
00:07:24,536 --> 00:07:26,184
No, I was just being cute.
172
00:07:27,378 --> 00:07:29,052
Now, do you have any kids?
173
00:07:29,077 --> 00:07:30,723
Not that I know of.
174
00:07:30,748 --> 00:07:33,028
Wait.
175
00:07:35,461 --> 00:07:37,768
That only works for guys.
176
00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:39,380
Oh. Hey, guys.
177
00:07:39,405 --> 00:07:41,320
Don't mind me. I'm
just grabbing a snack.
178
00:07:41,345 --> 00:07:42,868
Which, in this house, are all...
179
00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:45,568
"low in sodium and high in fiber".
180
00:07:46,587 --> 00:07:48,318
How... W...
181
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,568
Was that Cooper James?
182
00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:52,818
Um, does he live here?
183
00:07:53,391 --> 00:07:57,286
Yeah, it's your, uh, standard
"millionaire pop star moves in
184
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,831
"with his accountant because he craves
185
00:07:58,855 --> 00:08:00,661
a sense of normalcy" situation.
186
00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:04,859
But-but he could live anywhere.
187
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,426
Why would he choose here?
188
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:08,192
Is... You're, like...
189
00:08:08,217 --> 00:08:10,263
Well, how do I say this politely?
190
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:12,652
Immensely boring.
191
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,411
- Okay.
- Um...
192
00:08:15,436 --> 00:08:17,552
- We are not boring.
- Yeah.
193
00:08:17,577 --> 00:08:19,824
I mean, if you really knew how we were,
194
00:08:19,849 --> 00:08:23,575
I mean, you'd be hitting
us with a higher rate.
195
00:08:23,956 --> 00:08:26,045
So you're committing insurance fraud?
196
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,372
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- No, no.
197
00:08:28,397 --> 00:08:31,082
All... No, no. All the... all the
answers we gave were true.
198
00:08:31,107 --> 00:08:31,911
- Yeah.
- You know?
199
00:08:31,936 --> 00:08:32,903
It just... But they don't paint
200
00:08:32,928 --> 00:08:34,843
the full picture of who we are.
201
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:36,427
- Like, we're cool. Right?
- We're cool.
202
00:08:36,453 --> 00:08:38,493
I mean, Claire, tell her one
of our awesome stories.
203
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:39,864
- Hit her, man.
- Oh. Awesome. So,
204
00:08:39,889 --> 00:08:42,304
- yeah, there's, uh, the one ti... um...
- Right?
205
00:08:42,329 --> 00:08:44,527
- Get ready.
- Oh! Oh.
206
00:08:46,273 --> 00:08:47,684
There was that one time
207
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:51,277
that we almost committed
insurance fraud.
208
00:08:52,121 --> 00:08:54,294
Look, I'm sorry I called you boring.
209
00:08:54,319 --> 00:08:55,223
It's just that
210
00:08:55,248 --> 00:08:56,716
Cooper James is Cooper James.
211
00:08:56,741 --> 00:08:58,317
And, you know, you're...
212
00:08:58,644 --> 00:09:00,859
See, I already forgot your names.
213
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:03,255
No, but, seriously,
214
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,369
you two don't need life insurance.
215
00:09:05,394 --> 00:09:07,442
You need get-a-life insurance.
216
00:09:10,189 --> 00:09:12,737
You know what, you might want to
look into fire insurance, too,
217
00:09:12,762 --> 00:09:14,895
after that sick burn.
218
00:09:15,751 --> 00:09:17,902
Oh, this is fun!
219
00:09:18,664 --> 00:09:20,624
Man, I guess we don't
have to try so hard
220
00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:22,716
at being boring, 'cause we just are.
221
00:09:22,741 --> 00:09:24,450
Relax, Claire. That's just the opinion
222
00:09:24,475 --> 00:09:26,434
of someone who evaluates
the relative excitement
223
00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:28,652
of people's lives for a living.
224
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:32,005
Jake, last night, we got
invited to a concert
225
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,502
by the biggest pop star in music.
226
00:09:34,527 --> 00:09:35,785
And, instead, we stayed home
227
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,208
and ranked the months of the year.
228
00:09:38,972 --> 00:09:40,843
Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.
229
00:09:40,868 --> 00:09:43,746
I, uh, guess we have
gotten into a bad habit
230
00:09:43,771 --> 00:09:45,379
of saying no to adventure.
231
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:46,715
Great news, guys.
232
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:48,300
I took your advice, and, as of tonight,
233
00:09:48,324 --> 00:09:50,085
I'm doing a small show
at the Troubadour.
234
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:51,763
- Oh, that's awesome, man.
- Yeah.
235
00:09:51,788 --> 00:09:53,616
Yeah, I'm doing a duet
with Laurel Tyson.
236
00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:55,622
- What?
- Huh?
237
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:58,336
The lead singer of Human Disco.
238
00:09:58,361 --> 00:10:00,458
- Uh...
- Come again?
239
00:10:01,273 --> 00:10:03,014
They had that hit song, "Loser Police".
240
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:04,997
- Uh...
- Uh...
241
00:10:05,666 --> 00:10:07,668
That they used in that
Nespresso commercial.
242
00:10:07,693 --> 00:10:08,520
- Oh!
- Oh!
243
00:10:08,545 --> 00:10:09,938
Yeah!
244
00:10:09,963 --> 00:10:11,763
- I love that song.
- That is such a good s...
245
00:10:11,788 --> 00:10:13,828
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So good. I would get it.
246
00:10:13,852 --> 00:10:16,051
You know, as usual, you
guys are welcome to come.
247
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,526
But you probably have an
excuse as to why you can't.
248
00:10:19,551 --> 00:10:21,271
- Nope. Not this time.
- No, I'm pretty sure
249
00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:23,015
- we can think of something.
- No, I mean...
250
00:10:23,324 --> 00:10:24,660
I mean we should go.
251
00:10:24,685 --> 00:10:25,528
- We're gonna go.
- Oh.
252
00:10:25,553 --> 00:10:26,799
- Right. We're gonna go. Yeah.
- We're in!
253
00:10:26,823 --> 00:10:27,785
- Really?
- Yeah!
254
00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:29,377
Amazing. All right, well, my
driver will be here soon,
255
00:10:29,401 --> 00:10:31,598
- if you want to come with me.
- Okay. Yay!
256
00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:32,979
I guess we should change.
257
00:10:33,004 --> 00:10:34,239
No way. You guys are amazing.
258
00:10:34,264 --> 00:10:36,340
Oh. You mean clothes.
259
00:10:39,561 --> 00:10:41,777
Uh, yeah. Yeah, definitely.
260
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:49,661
I've got to say, Jake,
you look pretty sexy
261
00:10:49,686 --> 00:10:51,051
in Cooper's skinny jeans.
262
00:10:51,076 --> 00:10:52,630
Yeah, Claire, too sexy.
263
00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:55,755
Feels like I'm smuggling grapes.
264
00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:58,005
Hey, there she is.
265
00:10:58,030 --> 00:10:59,856
Guys, this is my duet partner, Laurel.
266
00:10:59,881 --> 00:11:02,028
So, are you excited to
sing with Cooper tonight?
267
00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:03,402
His new song is so good.
268
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,552
Ah...
269
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:07,177
Do you have, like, a
whole bunch of signs
270
00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,542
for different situations,
or just the one sign?
271
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:12,465
- Oh.
- It's just the one sign, okay.
272
00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:14,130
We're gonna go warm up.
You guys have fun.
273
00:11:14,154 --> 00:11:15,126
Those VIP bracelets
274
00:11:15,151 --> 00:11:16,979
give you access to everything.
275
00:11:17,004 --> 00:11:19,223
- Ooh.
- Oh...
276
00:11:20,445 --> 00:11:22,122
Hello.
277
00:11:27,475 --> 00:11:29,086
Oh...
278
00:11:29,111 --> 00:11:30,418
Jake, this is, like,
one of those parties
279
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:31,802
where the prostitutes are so fancy
280
00:11:31,826 --> 00:11:34,130
you can't tell them apart
from just a regular skank.
281
00:11:35,312 --> 00:11:37,184
Oh, God, this is so fun.
282
00:11:37,209 --> 00:11:39,089
Yeah, this was just such a great call
283
00:11:39,113 --> 00:11:40,294
to come out tonight.
284
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,420
No, Jake. You lock it up.
285
00:11:42,445 --> 00:11:43,419
Come on.
286
00:11:43,444 --> 00:11:44,793
Cool people don't yawn.
287
00:11:44,818 --> 00:11:47,208
They do awesome things,
like walk into a party
288
00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:48,747
and say, "I'm bored".
289
00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:49,947
You're right. You're right.
290
00:11:49,972 --> 00:11:51,931
Time to go huge. Tonight we say good-bye
291
00:11:51,956 --> 00:11:54,598
to the old Jake and Claire who
get excited over simple things.
292
00:11:54,623 --> 00:11:56,145
Oh, jumbo shrimp.
293
00:11:56,819 --> 00:11:58,286
Look at all these jumbo shrimp.
294
00:11:58,311 --> 00:11:59,895
Oh. Oh.
295
00:12:00,025 --> 00:12:01,809
Hey, man.
296
00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:03,394
Don't sleep on that garlic shrimp.
297
00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:05,121
You know what I'm saying? Ha-ha!
298
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:07,426
- I'm cool.
- Hey, you guys want to hit
299
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:08,634
one of these?
300
00:12:08,659 --> 00:12:10,139
Oh?
301
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,895
Oh, my God, these are real live drugs.
302
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,106
What do we do? Drug people hate it
when you don't take their drugs.
303
00:12:15,785 --> 00:12:18,387
Okay, obviously, there's
only one thing to do here.
304
00:12:18,785 --> 00:12:20,411
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
305
00:12:20,436 --> 00:12:22,481
Let me get one of them things, man.
306
00:12:22,506 --> 00:12:24,528
I don't care if it's a weekday.
307
00:12:24,553 --> 00:12:26,887
You know what I'm saying?
308
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,871
See you on the other side, girl.
309
00:12:28,896 --> 00:12:31,317
Mmm.
310
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,802
Okay, you can spit yours out.
311
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,132
What? I swallowed mine.
312
00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:36,466
What? Why?
313
00:12:36,491 --> 00:12:38,340
Because we said we were
gonna go huge tonight.
314
00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:41,168
That doesn't include taking
random drugs from a stranger.
315
00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,802
And we just shared the
"we'd fake it" look.
316
00:12:44,144 --> 00:12:46,344
That wasn't a "fake it" look,
that was a "take it" look.
317
00:12:46,368 --> 00:12:48,864
- Okay, this is a "fake it" look.
- Right.
318
00:12:48,889 --> 00:12:51,067
This is a "take it" look.
319
00:12:51,993 --> 00:12:54,122
That's the exact same look.
320
00:12:54,147 --> 00:12:56,231
My God, Claire, I'm gonna die.
321
00:12:56,256 --> 00:12:57,896
It's already burning my throat.
322
00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:59,192
Okay, okay, you know what?
323
00:12:59,217 --> 00:13:01,145
Relax.
324
00:13:01,430 --> 00:13:03,345
It's a small pill. You're a big guy.
325
00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:06,128
I'm sure that you can
handle whatever drug it is.
326
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,075
Oh. Did you not want that?
327
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,711
I guess they're a little strong.
328
00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:12,005
Wha... Who, me?
329
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:13,699
I already took mine, girl.
330
00:13:13,724 --> 00:13:15,637
This is his.
331
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,490
It's mine.
332
00:13:20,578 --> 00:13:22,580
- Mmm.
- Okay, you can spit that out now.
333
00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:24,755
- I swallowed that one, too.
- Why?!
334
00:13:24,787 --> 00:13:26,547
I panicked. Oh, my God,
Claire, what did I...
335
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:27,755
what did I take?
336
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:30,193
What if it's one of those drugs where
I end up eating someone's face?
337
00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:32,317
Okay, you know what?
Just-just try to stay calm.
338
00:13:32,342 --> 00:13:34,126
I'm gonna go ask him what you took.
339
00:13:34,151 --> 00:13:37,129
It's probably bath salts.
340
00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:41,442
Oh, no. I've become addicted
to my favorite way to relax.
341
00:13:46,074 --> 00:13:48,531
Guys, I'll be straight with you.
342
00:13:48,556 --> 00:13:50,609
I took a narcotic tablet, and, uh,
343
00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:52,794
I'm dealing with the real-world
consequences right now.
344
00:13:52,818 --> 00:13:54,383
You, uh, seem fine.
345
00:13:54,408 --> 00:13:57,117
And even if I'm not,
it's okay, it's okay.
346
00:13:57,447 --> 00:14:00,680
Okay, Jake, I asked the
dude what drug he gave you.
347
00:14:00,705 --> 00:14:02,711
What was it? Yayo? Smack?
348
00:14:02,736 --> 00:14:05,368
Fleck? Nurp-nurp? Quam?
349
00:14:05,564 --> 00:14:06,565
It was a mint.
350
00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:07,492
A mint!
351
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:08,877
Oh, I've never even heard of that!
352
00:14:09,961 --> 00:14:11,527
Is this, like, a Class A narcotic?
353
00:14:11,552 --> 00:14:13,075
Yeah, "A" for Altoids.
354
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,805
- "A" for...
- He gave you a mint
355
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:19,117
because your breath was so bad
from eating the garlic shrimp.
356
00:14:20,655 --> 00:14:22,452
I see.
357
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:26,867
Ha! Yeah, man, I knew that.
358
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,137
I assume the patient-paramedic
confidentiality agreement
359
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:32,273
will be honored?
360
00:14:32,711 --> 00:14:34,164
Well, that's not a thing.
361
00:14:34,189 --> 00:14:36,468
And I'm definitely
telling all my friends.
362
00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:38,540
Okay.
363
00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:43,582
Uh...
364
00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:45,044
Sorry, you need a wristband.
365
00:14:45,069 --> 00:14:46,984
Um, uh, the medic just ripped mine off.
366
00:14:47,009 --> 00:14:49,672
I was just in here, man. It's me.
367
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,785
Come on, man, I know Coop.
368
00:14:51,810 --> 00:14:54,117
That's my guy. Like, we're best friends.
369
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,766
He's gonna sleep in my attic tonight.
370
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:58,219
I'm wearing his pants.
Come on, let me in.
371
00:14:58,403 --> 00:15:00,711
- We got a live one here.
- Oh...
372
00:15:00,736 --> 00:15:03,445
Hi, guys. Will you watch
from the side stage?
373
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,733
Knowing you're here will
help ease my nerves.
374
00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:07,711
Yeah, of course we'll be there, Cooper.
375
00:15:07,736 --> 00:15:08,952
These guys are with me.
376
00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:11,619
Yeah.
377
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,773
Uh-huh-huh.
378
00:15:12,798 --> 00:15:15,773
Look who's in the VIP area.
379
00:15:15,798 --> 00:15:17,539
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
380
00:15:17,564 --> 00:15:20,393
"We got a live one here".
Shut your ass up, man.
381
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:21,993
I'm up in your space!
382
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:33,628
Can I have my microphone?
383
00:15:33,653 --> 00:15:35,394
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
384
00:15:35,699 --> 00:15:38,562
- Warmed it up for you. A little wet.
- Yeah.
385
00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:39,999
Thank you.
386
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,555
Guys.
387
00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:43,756
I'm nervous. What if my fans hate it?
388
00:15:43,781 --> 00:15:45,180
What if they love it?
389
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:46,605
You'll never know if you don't try.
390
00:15:46,629 --> 00:15:48,672
Thanks, guys.
391
00:15:50,785 --> 00:15:52,482
Hey.
392
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,007
People said I was crazy when I told them
393
00:15:55,032 --> 00:15:57,252
I was moving in with
my accountant, but...
394
00:15:57,277 --> 00:15:59,410
it's the best decision I've ever made.
395
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,452
Except for when I was
12 and I posted a video
396
00:16:02,477 --> 00:16:04,952
of me singing on YouTube
that got a billion views.
397
00:16:04,977 --> 00:16:06,452
Yeah.
398
00:16:06,652 --> 00:16:08,567
That was a good decision.
399
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,156
Well, the feeling's mutual.
400
00:16:10,181 --> 00:16:11,961
Kill it, buddy.
401
00:16:11,986 --> 00:16:13,710
Cooper! Cooper!
402
00:16:13,735 --> 00:16:15,179
What's up, Los Angeles!?
403
00:16:22,392 --> 00:16:24,062
All right, tonight I'd like to try
404
00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:25,407
something a little bit different.
405
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,272
I'd actually like to bring
out a special guest.
406
00:16:30,173 --> 00:16:31,414
I...
407
00:16:31,439 --> 00:16:32,445
I can't... breathe.
408
00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:34,605
Did someone... have shellfish?
409
00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,562
I did. And it was breathtaking.
410
00:16:36,587 --> 00:16:38,835
You must have gotten it on... the mike.
411
00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:40,471
I-I'm super allergic.
412
00:16:40,496 --> 00:16:43,477
Well, why didn't you put that on a card?
413
00:16:44,538 --> 00:16:46,435
Okay?
414
00:16:46,999 --> 00:16:51,284
♪ I could never write a love song ♪
415
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:55,285
♪ Till I met you... ♪
416
00:16:57,296 --> 00:16:58,907
Let me try that again.
417
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,207
♪ I could never write a love song... ♪
418
00:17:02,232 --> 00:17:04,232
Claire, you got to get out there.
Cooper needs you.
419
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,252
♪ Till I met you... ♪
420
00:17:05,277 --> 00:17:07,635
No, I couldn't. It's crazy.
421
00:17:07,925 --> 00:17:09,448
♪ And I couldn't ♪
422
00:17:09,473 --> 00:17:12,590
♪ Sing a love song ♪
423
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:16,867
♪ Till I loved you ♪
424
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,789
♪ Well, our hearts are beatin' faster ♪
425
00:17:22,814 --> 00:17:25,767
♪ 'Cause we found something true ♪
426
00:17:25,792 --> 00:17:29,752
♪ I have never loved someone ♪
427
00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:33,868
♪ The way that I love you ♪
428
00:17:33,893 --> 00:17:35,534
That's my wife.
429
00:17:35,559 --> 00:17:37,267
Not anymore.
430
00:17:37,586 --> 00:17:42,017
♪ I have never loved someone ♪
431
00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:46,285
♪ The way that I love you ♪
432
00:17:47,262 --> 00:17:50,080
♪ Well, our hearts are beatin' faster ♪
433
00:17:50,105 --> 00:17:53,065
♪ 'Cause we found something true ♪
434
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:57,142
♪ I have never loved someone ♪
435
00:17:57,638 --> 00:18:02,080
♪ The way that I love you... ♪
436
00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:08,076
Goodness.
437
00:18:08,638 --> 00:18:10,656
Ah, there's my sexy little rock star.
438
00:18:10,681 --> 00:18:13,723
Yeah, last night was totally nuts.
439
00:18:13,748 --> 00:18:15,044
Oh, yeah.
440
00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:17,767
Woke up to a million texts
about you singing with Cooper.
441
00:18:18,177 --> 00:18:21,646
One text from my bank asking me
if I spent $104 at Taco Bell.
442
00:18:24,005 --> 00:18:26,896
Man, my head is killing me.
443
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:29,471
How are you not hungover?
444
00:18:29,496 --> 00:18:31,857
'Cause I was fake drinking all night.
445
00:18:31,882 --> 00:18:34,505
Cool, coo... Wait, what?
446
00:18:34,825 --> 00:18:37,289
Okay, Jake, here goes.
447
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:39,388
So, one of the reasons that I wanted us
448
00:18:39,413 --> 00:18:42,786
to go out and have a
big night was, um...
449
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,613
I might have...
450
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,498
huge news.
451
00:18:47,523 --> 00:18:50,004
Wait. What's that?
452
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,677
Are we... are we pregnant?
453
00:18:52,702 --> 00:18:55,319
Okay, I-I'm not sure. Um,
but I've been feeling weird
454
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:56,943
and nauseous all week,
so I just, I went out
455
00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:58,669
and I bought the test
and I just took it,
456
00:18:58,694 --> 00:19:00,214
but I haven't checked the results yet.
457
00:19:00,238 --> 00:19:01,921
This is so exciting. I just can't...
458
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,560
Okay, can you just please check,
459
00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:06,748
- because I'm freaking out.
- Oh, right, right, right, right.
460
00:19:06,772 --> 00:19:07,683
Okay.
461
00:19:14,782 --> 00:19:16,349
We're gonna have a baby.
462
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,419
We're having a baby.
463
00:19:19,444 --> 00:19:20,661
We're gonna have a baby.
464
00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:24,841
We're gonna have a baby!
465
00:19:26,989 --> 00:19:28,643
Oh, my God!
466
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,912
Claire? What-what's going on?
I heard you guys screaming.
467
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,474
I'm pregnant.
468
00:19:32,499 --> 00:19:34,966
What?! Oh, my God!
469
00:19:34,991 --> 00:19:36,126
That's incredible.
470
00:19:37,151 --> 00:19:38,718
Claire!
471
00:19:38,743 --> 00:19:40,353
You're in the newspaper again.
472
00:19:41,622 --> 00:19:43,067
This is amazing! I can't believe
473
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,485
our baby girl's a rock star!
474
00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:46,747
Oh, okay, whoa, okay, calm down.
475
00:19:46,772 --> 00:19:49,005
You're spilling your breakfast margs.
476
00:19:49,207 --> 00:19:50,469
You're all over the Internet.
477
00:19:50,494 --> 00:19:52,404
In Touch, Us Weekly,
478
00:19:52,429 --> 00:19:53,974
- everywhere.
- Oh.
479
00:19:53,999 --> 00:19:56,091
"Cooper James reunites
with mystery cougar
480
00:19:56,116 --> 00:19:57,349
to sing beautiful duet".
481
00:19:57,374 --> 00:19:58,898
Mm.
482
00:20:00,515 --> 00:20:03,154
- Yeah, last night was truly amazing.
- Well...
483
00:20:03,179 --> 00:20:06,114
we actually have something
even cooler to share with you.
484
00:20:06,897 --> 00:20:08,899
Oh, yeah.
485
00:20:08,943 --> 00:20:10,216
Oh, my God.
486
00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:12,271
Gerald! We did it!
487
00:20:12,296 --> 00:20:14,951
We've been trying for years!
488
00:20:15,856 --> 00:20:18,119
Honey, I'm so happy.
We're gonna have a baby!
489
00:20:18,144 --> 00:20:19,990
I know! I love you!
490
00:20:20,015 --> 00:20:22,693
- I'll drink to this.
- Oh.
491
00:20:24,769 --> 00:20:27,806
No, honey. Our drinking days are over.
492
00:20:27,831 --> 00:20:29,912
We are gonna be grandparents.
493
00:20:32,443 --> 00:20:34,228
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
494
00:20:34,253 --> 00:20:36,473
Do I have to move out of the attic?
495
00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:38,849
No. Cooper, the baby
will get the guest room.
496
00:20:39,179 --> 00:20:41,263
Yay!
497
00:20:41,288 --> 00:20:43,451
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
498
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,304
You guys have a guest room?
499
00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,482
Get in here!
500
00:20:47,523 --> 00:20:50,224
♪ Baby, I ♪
501
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,364
♪ Love you. ♪
502
00:20:52,389 --> 00:20:58,411
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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