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1
00:00:02,115 --> 00:00:04,616
All right, honey, five
weeks on this remodel,
2
00:00:04,641 --> 00:00:06,374
and it is finally done.
3
00:00:06,443 --> 00:00:07,531
What do you think?
4
00:00:07,556 --> 00:00:09,823
Oh, this is the most
beautiful drawing...
5
00:00:09,848 --> 00:00:11,707
- Blueprint.
- Blueprint...
6
00:00:11,732 --> 00:00:13,592
- of a ba...
- Restaurant.
7
00:00:13,617 --> 00:00:15,460
Restaurant.
8
00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:18,241
I'm sorry, babe, I am
exhausted, all right?
9
00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:19,464
This week's been brutal.
10
00:00:19,489 --> 00:00:21,956
It's the first half of the
third financial quarter,
11
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:24,433
or, as we accountants
call it, "the big dance."
12
00:00:24,621 --> 00:00:26,564
Uh-huh. Yeah, that's probably
'cause none of you guys
13
00:00:26,589 --> 00:00:28,843
were ever invited to actual dances.
14
00:00:29,332 --> 00:00:31,728
Aw, I miss my little house bully.
15
00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:33,547
Been working so much, I feel like
16
00:00:33,572 --> 00:00:34,870
I haven't seen you in weeks.
17
00:00:34,895 --> 00:00:37,254
I know. And we only have one more night
18
00:00:37,279 --> 00:00:39,090
with the house to ourselves
until Cooper's back
19
00:00:39,115 --> 00:00:40,299
from writing his new album.
20
00:00:40,324 --> 00:00:42,237
Ah. So...
21
00:00:42,262 --> 00:00:43,960
what do you say we, uh,
22
00:00:43,985 --> 00:00:47,348
go upstairs and get undressed,
23
00:00:47,372 --> 00:00:49,406
get into bed and, uh...
24
00:00:49,498 --> 00:00:51,344
split this sleeping pill?
25
00:00:51,974 --> 00:00:54,343
Oh, my God, you're the
best husband ever.
26
00:00:54,368 --> 00:00:56,220
Where'd you get that?
27
00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:59,797
Tina from HR, which I believe
stands for Hella Rested.
28
00:01:00,025 --> 00:01:02,562
Yes. Oh, man.
29
00:01:02,587 --> 00:01:05,224
Ah, yeah, that's pure, that's...
30
00:01:05,759 --> 00:01:07,329
Hey, wait, you think it's okay for us
31
00:01:07,354 --> 00:01:08,945
to take someone else's prescription?
32
00:01:08,970 --> 00:01:11,062
Who's gonna bust us, the dream police?
33
00:01:11,087 --> 00:01:12,946
Oh, my God, it's the cops!
34
00:01:12,971 --> 00:01:14,672
Don't panic. Don't panic. Okay, uh...
35
00:01:14,697 --> 00:01:16,734
Jake! Jake, relax.
36
00:01:16,759 --> 00:01:19,301
Relax. Right. Just chill.
37
00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:21,348
Just chill, man.
38
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,037
- Chill, baby.
- Just answer the door.
39
00:01:26,664 --> 00:01:28,514
Are you Jake and Claire Davis?
40
00:01:28,539 --> 00:01:30,652
It was Claire! And the
drugs are in the plant!
41
00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,709
Yes.
42
00:01:34,937 --> 00:01:37,741
I remember now. This is
our daughter's home.
43
00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:39,632
Thank you, Officer.
44
00:01:39,676 --> 00:01:42,148
I found these two wandering
around the marina.
45
00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:43,944
Same thing happened to my parents.
46
00:01:44,014 --> 00:01:46,290
Make the most of their lucid moments.
47
00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:50,320
- He's gone.
- Oh.
48
00:01:50,345 --> 00:01:52,385
Oh, it is so hard being fake senile.
49
00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:54,186
When you're real drunk.
50
00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:57,103
Uh, what is going on?
51
00:01:57,128 --> 00:01:59,431
And... why do you two
smell like an old rug
52
00:01:59,456 --> 00:02:01,080
in a frat house basement?
53
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,505
We were out on a boat playing
flip cup with our new friends
54
00:02:04,530 --> 00:02:06,629
from the yacht club, and got
way too hosed to drive,
55
00:02:06,654 --> 00:02:08,335
so we called the cops for a ride.
56
00:02:09,218 --> 00:02:11,992
That's your actual answer?
It sounds like
57
00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:14,723
you're quoting a line from
Kid Rock's deposition.
58
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,843
Yeah, cops don't just
give people rides.
59
00:02:18,868 --> 00:02:22,436
It turns out, at our age,
if you just act confused,
60
00:02:22,461 --> 00:02:23,844
the police will drive you anywhere.
61
00:02:23,884 --> 00:02:25,508
They're like free Uber.
62
00:02:25,986 --> 00:02:27,585
Mom!
63
00:02:27,610 --> 00:02:30,214
Oh, come on, you know? I pay my taxes.
64
00:02:30,239 --> 00:02:31,859
Well, not this year, but sometimes.
65
00:02:32,709 --> 00:02:35,783
We shared the back seat with
the most charming shoplifter.
66
00:02:35,808 --> 00:02:36,992
He said the key to stealing
67
00:02:37,017 --> 00:02:40,769
was to work as a team and
have the lookout distracting
68
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,821
the marks.
69
00:02:49,976 --> 00:02:53,384
So, who are these new yacht
club friends, anyway?
70
00:02:53,409 --> 00:02:56,518
Oh, we've told you about
Terry and the Gooch.
71
00:02:57,915 --> 00:03:00,182
Terry and the Gooch?
72
00:03:00,366 --> 00:03:02,903
Sounds like a Pixar movie about STDs.
73
00:03:06,502 --> 00:03:08,442
They are a hoot.
74
00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:10,033
They took us skinny-dipping.
75
00:03:10,058 --> 00:03:12,428
- Oh, no way.
- Yeah. You want to see photos?
76
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:13,814
No way.
77
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,010
Why'd you two stop hanging
out with your old friends,
78
00:03:16,036 --> 00:03:17,380
- like the Johnstons?
- Ugh!
79
00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,587
You mean the Yawnstons?
80
00:03:20,079 --> 00:03:22,377
They are the absolute worst.
81
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:25,142
Life is just too short to
hang out with lame people.
82
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:27,033
And speaking of, let's bounce.
83
00:03:27,058 --> 00:03:28,439
Great.
84
00:03:29,814 --> 00:03:31,084
Mom, what's in your purse?
85
00:03:31,109 --> 00:03:33,409
Oh. Just a little bit of none-ya.
86
00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:35,556
- None-ya what?
- Claire, don't...
87
00:03:35,581 --> 00:03:37,963
None ya business. Run, Gerald!
88
00:04:02,717 --> 00:04:04,259
I barely slept last night.
89
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,197
Really? I didn't notice during
your nine consecutive hours
90
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:09,384
of...
91
00:04:13,189 --> 00:04:14,956
I'm sorry.
92
00:04:14,981 --> 00:04:16,547
But our lives are stressful enough
93
00:04:16,572 --> 00:04:18,572
without my parents acting all crazy.
94
00:04:18,728 --> 00:04:20,995
And I just wish that
they would text me back.
95
00:04:21,032 --> 00:04:23,299
I mean, who even knows if
they got home last night?
96
00:04:23,338 --> 00:04:25,869
I mean, I'd offer to go check
on them, but, uh, too scared
97
00:04:25,894 --> 00:04:28,599
to walk in and find out why
they have a leash and no dog.
98
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,102
They used to be so reliable.
99
00:04:32,127 --> 00:04:33,167
But ever since they retired,
100
00:04:33,192 --> 00:04:34,908
they're acting like a
couple of teenagers.
101
00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:37,209
They're partying all the
time, stealing our liquor,
102
00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:39,101
getting brought home in cop cars.
103
00:04:39,126 --> 00:04:41,553
I mean, what if next
time it's a doctor car?
104
00:04:41,988 --> 00:04:43,456
You mean an ambulance?
105
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,060
I'm just so tired, Jake.
106
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,721
Look, listen, babe, look, look,
if you're really worried,
107
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,313
then maybe we should
talk to them, you know?
108
00:04:50,338 --> 00:04:52,560
I've been practicing my dad
voice for when we have kids.
109
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:54,375
Don't you walk away from me!
110
00:04:54,767 --> 00:04:56,726
I will turn this car around!
111
00:04:56,751 --> 00:04:59,471
You're in good hands! Nope.
Lost it. I went Allstate.
112
00:05:00,970 --> 00:05:02,453
Honestly, I don't think
that'll work anyway,
113
00:05:02,478 --> 00:05:03,760
'cause whenever my parents
used to yell at me,
114
00:05:03,785 --> 00:05:05,197
it just made me rebel more.
115
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,889
That's why I ended up
dating so many bad boys.
116
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,988
I wouldn't call myself a bad boy.
117
00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:14,047
Nobody would.
118
00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:17,174
Anyway, my clients are
visiting the site on Monday,
119
00:05:17,199 --> 00:05:19,283
so I got to crank on
this restaurant plan.
120
00:05:19,308 --> 00:05:20,008
Sounds good.
121
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:22,228
Let's get some work done while
we have the house to ourselves.
122
00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:24,832
Guys, stop everything.
123
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:27,472
Cooper has an emergency,
and it's more important
124
00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:30,076
than whatever you're doing,
because he's famous.
125
00:05:31,345 --> 00:05:32,660
What is it?
126
00:05:32,685 --> 00:05:34,275
My label's on me to record a big hit
127
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,931
for this summer, but I have nothing.
128
00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:36,945
That's why I dug out some old records,
129
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,865
to help him find inspiration.
130
00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:41,075
Now, this is the entire
soundtrack of my youth.
131
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,346
You can pull out any album
132
00:05:42,371 --> 00:05:44,344
and there is a crystal
clear memory attached.
133
00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:47,370
Got it. Uh, what about
Blondie, Parallel Lines?
134
00:05:47,395 --> 00:05:49,681
Summer of '78, oiled up and sunbathing
135
00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:51,940
on the roof of my mother's car.
136
00:05:53,044 --> 00:05:54,853
I can't tell you how many
times she drove to the store
137
00:05:54,878 --> 00:05:57,134
not realizing I was up there.
138
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,448
Uh, Wayne, you're Cooper's manager.
139
00:05:59,473 --> 00:06:00,522
I hope you're not suggesting
140
00:06:00,547 --> 00:06:02,324
he rip off someone else's music.
141
00:06:02,349 --> 00:06:03,967
What?! No.
142
00:06:03,992 --> 00:06:05,876
I'm suggesting he pay tribute.
143
00:06:05,901 --> 00:06:07,664
Like, uh, to the Eagles.
144
00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:10,583
Perhaps a song called "Hotel Colorado."
145
00:06:11,408 --> 00:06:13,875
Problem is I don't have anything
exciting to write about.
146
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:15,962
When my ex-girlfriend
Sierra faked her own death,
147
00:06:15,987 --> 00:06:17,972
the songs just poured out of me.
148
00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:22,002
Well, we can't kill Sierra.
The cops frown on it.
149
00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:25,163
Claire, Jake, don't get me wrong,
150
00:06:25,188 --> 00:06:26,632
I've never been happier...
It's just that
151
00:06:26,657 --> 00:06:29,068
- living with you guys is so...
- Boring?
152
00:06:29,093 --> 00:06:30,876
Depressing? Lonely?
153
00:06:31,283 --> 00:06:33,106
There I go again,
describing my childhood.
154
00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:38,070
I was gonna say normal.
155
00:06:38,095 --> 00:06:40,806
Um, which is what I
love about being here,
156
00:06:40,831 --> 00:06:42,831
but it doesn't exactly make for...
157
00:06:42,951 --> 00:06:44,330
exciting music.
158
00:06:44,542 --> 00:06:47,063
What? What?!
159
00:06:47,705 --> 00:06:51,120
Listen, man, if you want
an exciting summer anthem,
160
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:52,430
Claire and I can help you out.
161
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,313
Yeah. You know what?
Grab your umbrella,
162
00:06:54,338 --> 00:06:56,610
'cause it's about to brainstorm!
163
00:06:57,071 --> 00:06:59,012
You done started it now!
164
00:06:59,037 --> 00:07:01,190
- Let's do this. Uh...
- All right, uh-huh.
165
00:07:01,215 --> 00:07:05,375
- So, swimming. Um, hamburgers.
- Uh, sun. Summer camp.
166
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,833
- Hot dogs,
- Okay, uh, hot.
167
00:07:06,858 --> 00:07:08,629
- Buns.
- Sunscreen. Sunburn.
168
00:07:08,654 --> 00:07:10,565
- Um...
- Melanoma, uh...
169
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,342
- barbecue...
- Yeah, barbecues.
170
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:13,172
- Barbecues.
- Barbecues. I like that.
171
00:07:13,197 --> 00:07:14,705
- Okay, barbecues. You know what?
- Barbecues. All right.
172
00:07:14,730 --> 00:07:17,144
- Jake, give me a beat.
- All right, here we go.
173
00:07:17,169 --> 00:07:19,027
Oh.
174
00:07:19,052 --> 00:07:20,221
♪ Give me some burgers ♪
175
00:07:20,246 --> 00:07:21,423
♪ Everyone can eat ♪
176
00:07:21,448 --> 00:07:22,930
♪ It's time to barbecue ♪
177
00:07:22,955 --> 00:07:24,611
♪ Girl, give me that meat! ♪
178
00:07:25,471 --> 00:07:27,818
No. You know what?
179
00:07:27,843 --> 00:07:29,636
Cooper, maybe you
should go and hang out
180
00:07:29,661 --> 00:07:31,440
with some kids your own speed,
181
00:07:31,465 --> 00:07:34,141
at like a... like, a YouTube social
182
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:37,100
or, like, a Instagram club...
183
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,319
Shut up, Jake.
184
00:07:39,344 --> 00:07:40,745
You don't know, either.
185
00:07:41,057 --> 00:07:42,503
That's actually a good idea.
186
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,646
I haven't been out in a while.
Maybe tonight I hit a club,
187
00:07:44,671 --> 00:07:46,773
get a little bit wild, see
if it inspires anything.
188
00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:49,190
"Boys Just Want to Have Fun"?
189
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,831
You know what? I have an idea.
Maybe that's the opposite
190
00:07:51,856 --> 00:07:53,328
of what we need to do with
my parents... get them
191
00:07:53,353 --> 00:07:56,077
to hang out with people who
will slow down their speed.
192
00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:58,208
Mm, Claire, I think it's too early
193
00:07:58,233 --> 00:08:00,603
to talk about putting
your parents in a home.
194
00:08:01,473 --> 00:08:02,832
And that being said,
195
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,866
I do have some literature.
196
00:08:05,614 --> 00:08:06,811
Uh, guys,
197
00:08:06,836 --> 00:08:09,761
no offense, but you're
being really distracting.
198
00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:12,105
Do you mind giving us the room?
199
00:08:13,541 --> 00:08:15,418
- Sure.
- Wow.
200
00:08:15,443 --> 00:08:16,609
That's great.
201
00:08:16,634 --> 00:08:18,567
- Oh, and, hey, I'd love some.
- What?
202
00:08:18,592 --> 00:08:21,002
Oh, did you not offer us pizza rolls?
203
00:08:22,098 --> 00:08:23,757
No.
204
00:08:24,019 --> 00:08:25,518
Well, could you?
205
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:27,807
No.
206
00:08:31,914 --> 00:08:33,858
Jake, is the picnic basket ready?
207
00:08:33,883 --> 00:08:35,043
'Cause my parents and the Johnstons
208
00:08:35,068 --> 00:08:36,194
should be here any minute.
209
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:37,906
Yep, filled it with sparkling cider
210
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:39,702
- and a bunch of fancy cheeses.
- Oh, great.
211
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,391
Yeah, we got your smoky,
your sharp, your creamy
212
00:08:42,416 --> 00:08:45,311
and, uh, this perfectly aged cheddar
213
00:08:45,336 --> 00:08:46,388
I found in the back of the fridge.
214
00:08:48,032 --> 00:08:49,830
- That's a sponge.
- Oh.
215
00:08:50,385 --> 00:08:52,264
You are correct.
216
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:55,649
Hey.
217
00:08:55,674 --> 00:08:57,567
So, what's the big surprise?
218
00:08:57,592 --> 00:08:59,165
Are you pregnant?
219
00:09:00,754 --> 00:09:02,783
No, I just ate a lot of salt yesterday.
220
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,636
I told you, Gerald,
221
00:09:04,661 --> 00:09:06,694
Claire's surprises are
always the worst.
222
00:09:06,719 --> 00:09:07,830
Remember this one?
223
00:09:07,855 --> 00:09:10,625
"And guess what, guys,
he's an accountant!"
224
00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:18,986
No, our surprise is we got you...
225
00:09:19,011 --> 00:09:20,471
You tell 'em, Claire.
226
00:09:21,046 --> 00:09:22,876
Something you used to love to do.
227
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:25,551
We talkin' nostalgia, y'all.
228
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,525
Grab your tiny binoculars,
229
00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:31,706
because we got you guys
box seats to the...
230
00:09:33,176 --> 00:09:35,565
♪ Symphony! ♪
231
00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:38,233
Oh, thanks, Claire.
232
00:09:38,258 --> 00:09:40,149
Yeah, we even packed up a picnic basket
233
00:09:40,174 --> 00:09:41,571
of all your favorite foods.
234
00:09:41,596 --> 00:09:42,979
Oh, you really expect us to get excited
235
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:45,172
about brie cheese and a sponge?
236
00:09:46,682 --> 00:09:48,587
You know, you guys used
to love the symphony.
237
00:09:48,612 --> 00:09:50,579
I also used to think
Mel Gibson was nice.
238
00:09:50,604 --> 00:09:52,006
Opinions change.
239
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,712
Uh, why are there four tickets here?
240
00:09:54,737 --> 00:09:56,404
You guys coming, too?
241
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,365
Okay, we're-we're really only
doing what's best for you.
242
00:10:02,254 --> 00:10:03,989
Claire, who's at the door?
243
00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:06,472
Okay, we thought tonight
would be a good excuse
244
00:10:06,497 --> 00:10:08,171
for you two to get a little taste
245
00:10:08,196 --> 00:10:10,160
of your pre-retirement life
246
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:12,329
by catching up with the...
247
00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:16,346
Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Johnstons!
248
00:10:16,856 --> 00:10:19,277
It's an ambush, Gerald, run.
249
00:10:19,302 --> 00:10:20,506
What?!
250
00:10:20,531 --> 00:10:21,755
Hey, hey, come on.
251
00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:22,970
You guys have a lot in common.
252
00:10:22,995 --> 00:10:25,461
You guys are all retired doctors.
253
00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,517
They were foot doctors, Claire.
254
00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:30,028
- The dorks of the medical community.
- Yeah.
255
00:10:30,053 --> 00:10:31,945
Their business cards used to read
256
00:10:31,970 --> 00:10:33,699
"This little piggy went
to medical school."
257
00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:35,801
Don't do this to us, Claire.
258
00:10:38,147 --> 00:10:40,959
Mr. and Mrs. Johnston, right on time.
259
00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,144
Come on in.
260
00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:43,402
Take a seat.
261
00:10:43,557 --> 00:10:45,832
We were actually 15 minutes early,
262
00:10:45,857 --> 00:10:48,544
so we've just been waiting in the car.
263
00:10:48,963 --> 00:10:50,751
We played that game where you see
264
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,546
who can go the longest without talking.
265
00:10:54,373 --> 00:10:56,714
We tied. We tied.
266
00:10:57,566 --> 00:11:00,190
Hello, Jean. Gene.
267
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:02,681
It's been a while.
268
00:11:02,706 --> 00:11:04,571
I see that you're both still into
269
00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:07,259
that intense, nonblinking eye contact.
270
00:11:13,012 --> 00:11:15,883
Um... well, hey,
271
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:18,576
Mom and Dad are really excited
about the symphony tonight.
272
00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:19,834
As are we.
273
00:11:19,859 --> 00:11:23,039
I hear the fourth chair oboist
274
00:11:23,064 --> 00:11:25,959
is using a new reed tonight.
275
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,165
Hey, you...
276
00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:30,758
get out of town, male Gene.
277
00:11:30,783 --> 00:11:32,418
Hey, uh, Bonnie,
278
00:11:32,443 --> 00:11:35,191
why don't you help me get
Gene and Jean some water?
279
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,545
No straw.
280
00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:39,087
Gene finds them too suggestive.
281
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,979
Okay. Okay. And for you, Gene?
282
00:11:47,004 --> 00:11:50,958
Oh, wish I could, but I had
a fluoride treatment today.
283
00:11:50,983 --> 00:11:53,477
Sort of a birthday tradition.
284
00:11:57,904 --> 00:12:00,305
Okay.
285
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:01,869
Uh, can you excuse us
for just a second?
286
00:12:01,894 --> 00:12:02,475
One second.
287
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,298
Hey! Hey!
288
00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:06,488
Hey!
289
00:12:07,155 --> 00:12:09,223
Do not run away. The Johnstons
290
00:12:09,248 --> 00:12:10,900
are really excited about tonight.
291
00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:13,418
Yeah, I'm sure it's all
they've been thinking about
292
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:16,017
since they climbed out of
their coffins this morning.
293
00:12:18,436 --> 00:12:20,471
Guys, am I the only one
who sees those ghosts
294
00:12:20,496 --> 00:12:22,398
sitting on the couch there?
295
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:24,804
Jake and Claire
296
00:12:24,829 --> 00:12:28,080
set us up on a playdate
with some dry-humps.
297
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,547
Okay, well, have fun.
298
00:12:30,572 --> 00:12:32,263
Yeah, I'm gonna, um, go get some dinner
299
00:12:32,288 --> 00:12:33,886
- and head to a club.
- Ooh!
300
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,018
- Take us with you.
- No.
301
00:12:36,043 --> 00:12:37,999
You are going to the
concert with your friends,
302
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,224
and that's final.
303
00:12:39,249 --> 00:12:42,956
You always let Cooper do the fun stuff.
304
00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:49,541
- Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Mm, mm.
- Ooh.
305
00:12:56,229 --> 00:12:58,462
All right, your parents
are at a symphony.
306
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:01,612
Cooper's at a club. The house...
she's ours.
307
00:13:01,637 --> 00:13:03,666
Mmm.
308
00:13:03,691 --> 00:13:07,576
And we've got that "meow meow"
the narcs didn't "joink."
309
00:13:07,601 --> 00:13:10,462
That's a lot of street talk
for a cut-in-half Tylenol PM.
310
00:13:12,321 --> 00:13:14,673
But hey, if it's gonna
help me sleep better,
311
00:13:14,698 --> 00:13:17,069
"joink" me that sweet "meow meow."
312
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,569
Come on!
313
00:13:23,988 --> 00:13:25,672
Who's there?
314
00:13:26,254 --> 00:13:27,664
It's Gene Johnston,
315
00:13:27,689 --> 00:13:29,875
and I'm here with my current wife,
316
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,897
Jean Johnston.
317
00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:36,082
Hello, Jeans.
318
00:13:37,271 --> 00:13:38,770
Where are my parents?
319
00:13:38,795 --> 00:13:41,356
We don't know. The symphony started,
320
00:13:41,381 --> 00:13:44,249
they stood up, yelled,
"Play some Skynyrd,"
321
00:13:44,274 --> 00:13:46,272
and then took off.
322
00:13:47,392 --> 00:13:50,244
Oh, my God, they ditched
the concert? Gah!
323
00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:53,481
Why can't we just have one night?
One night?
324
00:13:53,744 --> 00:13:57,962
Um, do you have any idea
where they may have gone?
325
00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:01,727
No, they-they just said,
"See ya, dry-humps."
326
00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:18,634
Are you sucking out my soul right now?
327
00:14:21,851 --> 00:14:24,428
Oh, they're not answering any
of my calls or my texts.
328
00:14:24,453 --> 00:14:26,593
- I'm getting really worried, Jake.
- All right,
329
00:14:26,626 --> 00:14:29,033
we need to start thinking
like they think.
330
00:14:29,058 --> 00:14:31,841
Here, chug this bottle of vodka.
331
00:14:32,317 --> 00:14:35,101
No. They could be anywhere.
332
00:14:35,126 --> 00:14:36,231
We need to call them from a number
333
00:14:36,256 --> 00:14:38,247
that they don't recognize, like...
334
00:14:38,617 --> 00:14:40,585
- the land line!
- The land line!
335
00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:41,835
- Yes.
- Ugh!
336
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,497
- Yeah, yeah.
- Got it.
337
00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:45,672
- Good, got it, good.
- Okay...
338
00:14:48,484 --> 00:14:50,003
Baby, you're a genius.
339
00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:52,161
When's the last time we even
used this thing to make a call?
340
00:14:52,186 --> 00:14:53,452
Uh, I think it was to call Blockbuster
341
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:56,734
to see if Deuce Bigalow was out yet.
342
00:14:57,553 --> 00:14:58,898
Oh, wait, no.
343
00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:00,812
As soon as they hear your
voice, they're gonna hang up.
344
00:15:00,837 --> 00:15:03,216
Right, right, uh, who should I be?
345
00:15:03,259 --> 00:15:05,472
I don't know, you're
terrible at impressions.
346
00:15:05,497 --> 00:15:08,838
You know, Christopher Walken
347
00:15:10,004 --> 00:15:12,875
begs... to differ.
348
00:15:18,345 --> 00:15:20,684
Go for Bonnie.
349
00:15:20,709 --> 00:15:21,782
Oh, thank God, they're alive.
350
00:15:21,807 --> 00:15:24,359
- Now talk, talk, talk.
- Oh, um...
351
00:15:24,384 --> 00:15:28,511
Hey, Bonnie, it's The Gooch!
352
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:31,766
Hey, girl. I can barely hear you.
353
00:15:31,791 --> 00:15:33,465
The Gooch is a woman?
354
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:37,763
If you can hear me, just meet
us at the Lavender Lounge.
355
00:15:37,788 --> 00:15:39,878
Google "MapQuest," then type it in.
356
00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:43,135
It'll give you directions
you can print out.
357
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,814
Tell the bouncer you're
with Cooper James.
358
00:15:45,839 --> 00:15:47,685
Bye, Gooch.
359
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:50,548
Unbelievable.
360
00:15:50,573 --> 00:15:53,540
I can't believe those two.
361
00:15:53,565 --> 00:15:54,747
Let's go get my parents.
362
00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:57,610
Hell yeah. I'll print
out the directions.
363
00:16:02,652 --> 00:16:04,004
All right, let's just spread out
364
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,423
and try and find my parents.
365
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,564
Sounds great.
366
00:16:06,589 --> 00:16:08,580
Or we could just walk
over to that giant cage
367
00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:09,913
they're currently dancing in.
368
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,530
Oh, my God.
369
00:16:14,651 --> 00:16:16,266
Mom! Dad!
370
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:19,502
Oh, honey, I think
intermission is over.
371
00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:21,326
We should head back
to the concert hall.
372
00:16:21,351 --> 00:16:24,485
Okay, I-I can't believe
you guys lied to us.
373
00:16:24,510 --> 00:16:26,728
And I can't believe I'm about
to say this to my parents,
374
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,284
but get out of that sex cage!
375
00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,587
Hey, stop!
376
00:16:32,919 --> 00:16:35,026
Bonnie and Gerald Wheeler!
377
00:16:35,051 --> 00:16:37,126
Get your asses out of that damn cage
378
00:16:37,151 --> 00:16:39,157
before I turn this club around!
379
00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,279
Don't make me start counting.
380
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,206
One, two...
381
00:16:43,231 --> 00:16:45,034
- Don't let me get to three.
- Hi, guys.
382
00:16:45,059 --> 00:16:46,306
Fancy seeing you here.
383
00:16:46,331 --> 00:16:47,657
You, too, Captain Kangaroo.
384
00:16:47,867 --> 00:16:49,819
The party's over, that's right.
385
00:16:49,844 --> 00:16:52,078
- What did I do?
- Doesn't matter.
386
00:16:52,329 --> 00:16:54,819
All y'all, get in the car.
We're going home.
387
00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:58,654
You gonna like the way you
look, I guarantee it!
388
00:16:58,679 --> 00:17:01,512
Damn it, I went Men's Wearhouse.
389
00:17:03,863 --> 00:17:06,600
Now, what do you two have
to say for yourselves?
390
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,053
Sorry, Jake and Claire.
391
00:17:09,078 --> 00:17:10,652
All right.
392
00:17:10,887 --> 00:17:12,399
Thank you.
393
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,970
And we don't like yelling at you guys.
394
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,539
We just have a lot going
on right now, okay?
395
00:17:17,564 --> 00:17:20,477
We are both slammed at work,
we're not getting any sleep.
396
00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:23,003
And the last thing we need is
to be tracking you guys down
397
00:17:23,028 --> 00:17:26,816
to a nightclub at almost 11:00 p.m.
398
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,621
I thought it was way later than that.
399
00:17:29,646 --> 00:17:30,245
God.
400
00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:31,644
Now, I'm sorry,
401
00:17:31,669 --> 00:17:33,050
but you guys are my parents,
402
00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:35,008
and I barely recognize you anymore.
403
00:17:35,033 --> 00:17:38,266
Oh, honey...
404
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:41,338
that is the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to us.
405
00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:43,023
What?
406
00:17:43,048 --> 00:17:45,751
Back when we were doctors,
we were so boring
407
00:17:45,776 --> 00:17:47,139
and nerdy and tired.
408
00:17:47,164 --> 00:17:49,082
We looked exactly like...
409
00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:50,480
Like the Johnstons.
410
00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:51,653
I was gonna say you two.
411
00:17:51,678 --> 00:17:53,280
But anyway,
412
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:56,324
your dad and I, we worked
our asses off for 35 years.
413
00:17:56,349 --> 00:17:57,887
And the main thing that kept us going
414
00:17:57,912 --> 00:18:00,012
was the idea that someday
we could retire early
415
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,549
and have all the fun everyone
else had in their 20s.
416
00:18:02,574 --> 00:18:05,105
Yeah, which we completely
missed out on because
417
00:18:05,409 --> 00:18:09,238
we were the crazy knuckleheads
who decided to marry young
418
00:18:09,263 --> 00:18:10,800
and have, you know,
419
00:18:10,825 --> 00:18:13,623
a beautiful baby right out of college.
420
00:18:14,845 --> 00:18:16,909
Jake, are you crying?
421
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,221
Parents are people, too, you know,
422
00:18:20,246 --> 00:18:22,104
and you, like, forget that sometimes.
423
00:18:22,129 --> 00:18:24,900
Like when you're simulating
sex moves on the dance floor.
424
00:18:25,546 --> 00:18:26,789
Okay.
425
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:30,385
He's just very tired. We both are.
426
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,815
So, this is just a phase?
427
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,659
- Yes, of course it is.
- Sure.
428
00:18:33,684 --> 00:18:36,069
Until you two are ready
to make us grandparents,
429
00:18:36,094 --> 00:18:39,106
your dad and I are living
our lives by one rule:
430
00:18:39,131 --> 00:18:40,761
till death do we party.
431
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,837
We came up with that in the cage.
432
00:18:42,862 --> 00:18:44,322
Wait, w-what did you say?
433
00:18:44,347 --> 00:18:46,882
- There's a sex cage in there.
- No, no, no. Your new rule.
434
00:18:46,907 --> 00:18:48,362
Oh, till death do we party.
435
00:18:48,387 --> 00:18:49,834
Wayne, that's an amazing song title.
436
00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:51,057
"Till Death Do We Party."
437
00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:52,148
Ah, the creative process,
438
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,439
- it's so fascinating.
- Yeah.
439
00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:54,761
Now, the way I remember
this happening is
440
00:18:54,786 --> 00:18:56,039
you guys were pretty drunk,
441
00:18:56,064 --> 00:18:57,677
and Cooper came up with the song idea.
442
00:18:57,702 --> 00:19:01,011
- Great job, Cooper.
- Come on.
443
00:19:01,303 --> 00:19:04,327
Okay, well, I guess the two of us
444
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,038
are gonna go back home and go to sleep.
445
00:19:06,063 --> 00:19:08,781
So... here's 20 bucks.
You guys have some fun.
446
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,034
Come on, Dad, that ass isn't
gonna back itself up.
447
00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:14,686
Oh, yeah.
448
00:19:17,331 --> 00:19:19,900
All right, I have written a song
for "Till Death Do We Party,"
449
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,258
and I would love to get
your honest opinion.
450
00:19:22,283 --> 00:19:23,712
- Yeah, all right.
- All right. Right on.
451
00:19:23,737 --> 00:19:24,876
- Let's do this.
- Ready?
452
00:19:27,111 --> 00:19:29,072
Ah...
453
00:19:29,137 --> 00:19:30,712
Hey, this is actually good.
454
00:19:31,863 --> 00:19:34,341
I didn't mean to hit
"actually" so hard.
455
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,206
- I'm feeling the bass line, man.
- Yeah?
456
00:19:36,231 --> 00:19:37,763
- It's nice. Yeah.
- Yeah.
457
00:19:37,788 --> 00:19:38,729
♪ Ba da da ♪
458
00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:40,776
♪ Till death do we party ♪
459
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,567
- All right, now.
- Yeah.
460
00:19:43,592 --> 00:19:44,508
I'm kind of loving those
461
00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:46,420
sexy moaning sounds in the background.
462
00:19:46,445 --> 00:19:47,951
Yeah, that's your mom.
463
00:19:49,806 --> 00:19:51,963
Sick burn, man. Crushed her.
464
00:19:51,988 --> 00:19:53,916
That actually is Bonnie, though.
465
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:56,305
What's that, now?
466
00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:57,629
Yeah, when we were recording the track,
467
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:58,753
she was in the studio and just happened
468
00:19:58,778 --> 00:19:59,944
to be making those noises,
469
00:19:59,969 --> 00:20:01,803
so my producer said,
"Let's just lay it in
470
00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:03,861
if we can't get her to stop."
471
00:20:04,665 --> 00:20:06,354
Please tell me you're joking.
472
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:08,060
It's great, right? And those, uh,
473
00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:09,635
"Oh, yeah, give it to me, baby..."
474
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,212
That's your dad.
475
00:20:16,576 --> 00:20:18,569
So, where is this gonna be played?
476
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:19,901
My label loves it.
477
00:20:19,926 --> 00:20:21,689
It's gonna be all over
the radio this summer.
478
00:20:21,732 --> 00:20:23,290
- All over? Wow.
- Yeah.
479
00:20:23,315 --> 00:20:24,572
- Eww.
- Every single radio?
480
00:20:24,597 --> 00:20:26,791
- Uh-huh.
- That's crazy, man.
481
00:20:26,816 --> 00:20:29,003
- Like, even this radio?
- If you turn it on.
482
00:20:29,036 --> 00:20:30,822
- That's nuts. Wow!
- Yeah.
483
00:20:30,847 --> 00:20:32,589
It's gonna be popular, I bet,
484
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:34,290
- on all the radios.
- I hope so.
485
00:20:47,388 --> 00:20:49,453
- It's a really great song, though.
- Yeah, we love it.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:10,00
* Rambo Media Ltd *
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