Original subtitles

¶¶¶

¶ You're all in my head ¶ (head, head, head)

¶ All up in my mind ¶ (mind, mind, mind)

¶ You're all in my head ¶ (head, head,)

- Come on! - I got one! I got one!

(Laughing)

- Yes! - Not cool.

- I'm not doing any more shots.

(Indistinct chatter and laughter)

(Phone buzzes)

¶¶¶

(Singing and laughing loudly)

(Singing unintelligibly)

¶ She was a diva ¶ (Oh)

¶ She runs the show ¶

(Singing unintelligibly)

¶¶¶

(Singing quietly, rustling in fridge)

Yes!

(Humming)

(Singing loudly)

¶ Next to you ¶

¶ Every day ¶

¶ Leftovers ¶

(Jars clink, door slams)

¶ I call your name you fall in love ¶

(Singing Stops) (Thuds on bed)

(Cars rumble in distance)

(Phone buzzes)

- (Sleepy moan)

(Snoring)

(Phone buzzes)

(Snoring)

(Phone buzzes)

(Breathing heavily)

(Loud exhales)

(Motorcycle rumbles in distance)

(Dialing beeps)

- Hi, Cassie.

I'm not feeling very well, I'm not...

gonna go lie down for a bit.

I'm gonna leave my ringer on, in case you call.

- What the fuck? - My heart is racing but...

(Dials number) -...very tired.

(Breathing heavily, phone rings)

Get up.

(Dialing beeps, ringing)

- Danny, what's happening?

I-I have all these missed calls... Mom? And...?

What?

What?

What is it?

What...what about...?

(Crying)

(Sobbing) No!

What! No it's not!

No!

No!

No!

No! (Sobbing)

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(Water drips)

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(Children laughing in the distance)

(Indistinct chatter)

(Deep inhale)

¶¶¶

¶¶¶

(Deep inhale and exhale)

(Struggling, water splashes)

(Deep inhale)

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¶¶¶

(Water splashes)

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(Feet shuffle on floor)

(Light thud)

- (Beep) Hi, sweetheart, it's your Auntie.

I know it must be tough, this has all been so sudden.

But, as you know, everyone is still here

from the Christmas family reunion.

Anyway, we're all gonna meet day after tomorrow,

to give your Mom...

just a... a beautiful send-off.

So, I know it's a lot to ask, honey,

but do you think that you could pick out the flowers,

and the food for the reception?

We'll all chip in, of course,

but that would just be such a great help.

Aw, Cassie, she's not really gone now, is she?

She's still here, she's watchin' over us.

She's gonna...

she's gonna be there on your wedding day,

and she's gonna be there when you have your first baby.

And you become a mom.

A mom yourself, your mom will be watching over you.

And uh...

I-I know you're the writer in the family, um,

but we've all talked about it,

and uh, your brother's agreed to give the eulogy.

So... (in unison) Danny?

- Anyway, that's-that's really all I've got for now,

so just call.

Love, love. (Kiss)

(Call ends)

(Towel thuds heavily to floor)

(Sighs)

(Exhales)

(Floorboards creak)

(Doorbell rings)

(Running footsteps) Danny: Cass!

(Door slams shut)

(Knocking) Cass! Open the door!

(Footsteps thud away)

(Thuds to floor)

Cass!

Cass. (Door clicks shut quietly)

Come on, I know you're in here!

(in unison) I'm on the toilet!

I'll be done in a minute!

(Floorboards creak, feet shuffle on floor)

- (Sighs)

She was at the kitchen table having lemon loaf,

and like,

her face was in the lemon loaf.

- Why are you telling me that?

Now I have to think about that.

- (Crying)

- Hey.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- (Sobbing)

- I'm sorry you had to see that.

I'm sorry.

(Light footsteps thud away)

- Fuck, man. Mom.

- Yeah.

Yeah, Mom.

- Like, where is she?

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

Last week she was singing louder

than everyone else put together.

How could she...

- (Laughs)

(Small laugh)

- How could she be...

Cassandra: I mean, what did they say?

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?

- Auntie Jane says there's history of strokes

in our family.

(Sighs)

God, she keeps calling every five minutes to talk it over,

and fucking do stuff, and...

Amber is nursing and going crazy.

I don't even know what sleep is like anymore.

- Look, um, I-I'll deal with it, okay?

I'll deal with everything. I'll give the eulogy.

- Isn't that like, like a really bad idea,

I mean for you, what happened... - Danny, I'm sure.

-...and for everyone else, too?

- I'm sure. There's no other option. I'm doing it, okay?

- Cass, people wanna cry at these things. You're like...

- (Scoffs) Like what?

Oh fuck off, come on!

Go now, you did good!

Go take care of Amber,

and little baby monkey head.

I'm... getting dressed,

and I'm leaving the house right now.

- It's okay to lose it.

- Danny, there is no time. I'm in a towel, you're leaving.

Funeral's in two days.

(Floorboards creak)

(Feet shuffle on floor)

(Door creaks open and closes)

(Whispers) I can do this.

I can do this.

I can't. I can't do this.

(Heavy footsteps thud)

(Throws towel heavily on floor)

(Water ripples)

(Traffic hums in distance)

- (Whispers) I can do it.

I can do it. I can do it.

Okay.

What do you wear to your mother's funeral?

- Mom would've wanted me to wear black.

- Well, now I can just wear what I wanna wear.

There's no one left to care what I look like.

- (Scoffs and chuckles)

- What?

- Aunt Jane? Aunt Kathy?

Danny? Dad? Uncle Jake?

The woman who runs the funeral parlour? Everybody.

- Guy who moved in upstairs. - Exactly.

- Whatever. I don't care about this shit.

- Yeah, well Mom cared.

- Mom didn't have to try.

Mom was just like...

effortless.

- That was her whole thing, looking good.

- Wasn't her whole thing, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm just gonna wear what I always wear.

Pants and a shirt.

(Chair creaks)

(Sighs) Why is this so complicated?

Just don't read those magazines, like Mom did.

(Flips page loudly)

(Sighs) Why am I still standing here?

I don't care about this.

I'm above this!

It's all bullshit anyway. It's all meaningless!

(Exhales)

(Footsteps thud heavily)

- Mom would've hated those shoes.

- Well, Mom's dead!

So, now I should just be comfortable.

- Well, whatever I choose,

Mom would've wanted me to wear nylons.

- We'll get some fuckin' nylons, then.

(Phone beeps)

- Good morning, Mrs. Heywood,

this is Barbara calling, again.

From the Turner and Porter Funeral Home.

We still haven't heard from you regarding the casket

and arrangements for the funeral.

So, if you could just give us a call...

¶¶¶

¶ I'm with you ¶

¶ Fall into the fire ¶

¶ Into the fire ¶

¶ I'm with you ¶

¶ Stood way through ¶

¶ Way into the fire with you ¶

- We've got cedar,

uh, cherry wood is a really nice option.

You know, if you're interested in something

a little bit more eco friendly,

we've got a brand new line of organic burial pods.

They're very popular right now.

What would your mother have liked?

- Um...

What did she love?

What did she actually, really love?

(Pen rasps)

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(Echoed exhales)

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- (Heavy breathing)

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- Mrs. Heywood?

Host: What common tree is part of the Cupressaceae family?

Mom: What is cedar? Girl: What is cedar?

Host: That is correct. - That's my favourite smell.

- Mrs. Heywood?

- Cedar.

Cedar is good.

- Lovely choice.

Let me just get you a quote on that.

- Thank you.

(Footsteps thud)

Short Cassandra: Friends and family,

Elaine Heywood loved cedar.

(Sighs)

- Mrs. Heywood? I have your quote.

Okay.

(Deep inhale)

Mrs. Heywood.

- Ms. - Ms.

This is such a difficult time.

Grief can manifest itself in unexpected ways.

You're suffering such a profound loss.

It's so important that you find your ways,

- (Short Cassandra groans) -...to express it.

Grief is our way of saying

we know you're dead.

- (Groans turn to screams)

(Footsteps thud heavily on stairs)

(Candies rattle against dish)

¶¶¶

Okay. I gotta go get the nylons.

Mom was uh...

she told jokes,

she told stories.

She was like, a really good storyteller.

- She was so nice. She was the nicest.

- The kindest woman I ever met.

That's true.

- She gave everything to everyone.

(Exhaling loudly)

Short Cassandra: Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa!

Don't cut so close to the tracks!

- Okay. Okay. Fuck, okay, okay, okay. (Brakes squeak)

Watch the tracks! - Okay, okay!

(Bike rattles)

(Engines hum, honking, sirens wail)

Young Cassandra: The dangly ones.

- (Elaine chuckles) Aw.

I don't wanna look like I'm trying too hard.

- More for a fancy ball? - Yeah, this is not a ball.

- Then what is it?

- It's a book launch,

with some of mommy's old work friends.

- Are you working with them again?

- (Chuckles)

Well, we'll see.

Maybe if I wear the right earrings.

(Pen rasps)

- What are you writing? - Hmm.

Sometimes it's nice to make a note

of what might be the big moments of your life.

Hmm.

(Street traffic hums)

("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays)

¶¶¶

(Cassandra moans)

(Escalator whirrs)

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(Door slams shut)

(Feet shuffle)

(Slapping sounds)

(Stressed exhale)

(Chuckles)

(Dial tone)

(Buttons beep)

(Phone rings)

- (Waking exhales)

- Hello? - Hi.

- Good morning, Putsy. - What time is it there?

- It is 7:00 a.m.

How'd your thing go? - Oh, you know.

I don't know what I was thinking.

- Well, maybe when you submit your piece.

- No, no. You can't take your foot of the pedal

and expect everyone to invite you back into the race.

You should've heard them laugh when I told them

the hours I'd need because of the kids.

- Listen to me.

You're a great editor,

you're a great writer.

- No.

It's not gonna happen.

I can feel it.

(Chris sniffs)

- I can barely keep up here. - Yeah.

Maybe.

Listen, um,

George asked me to stay a couple more weeks,

'til we deliver. - Oh.

- Yeah, sorry.

- Okay, okay. - I'm sorry.

- And look who's here. - Did they work?

- What, honey? - The earrings.

- No.

What are you doing up?

- I'm hungry.

- Oh okay, well. Talk to your daddy,

and I will get you some hot milk with honey.

Cassandra: Hi, Daddy. - Hi, Lutsy.

Why are you hungry?

- The babysitter gave us chicken nuggets

that were wet from the corn water.

- Uh oh.

- Why can't you just babysit us?

- Well, I can't because I'm very busy

doing very important things, sweetheart.

- Making the car window up and downers?

- That's right, making the car window up and downers.

- But we always have a babysitter.

- Honey, you never have a babysitter!

The last one was four months ago!

- But she ate the Doritos.

- Sweetheart, it's time to go back to bed, okay?

Can you say goodbye to Mommy, for me?

- Okay. Night, Daddy. - Goodnight, sweetheart.

- Daddy says goodbye. - Oh.

(Receiver clicks down) Okay.

Here. Straight to bed.

(Elaine sobs)

Just try one bite.

You have to try things.

(Knock on door) - Hello?

- Hi, in here!

- Hi! Nice dress!

- Thanks.

Cassandra: Yeah, she slept in it on the couch, all night!

- Uh, everyone ready for a movie?

All aboard for "Mrs. Doubtfire"?

Kids: Yeah! (Cheering) "Mrs. Doubtfire"!

- Have fun. Thanks.

Cassandra: Can we get hot dogs? Mom made terrible soup.

Tastes like Vimy Ridge.

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(Book splatters in soup)

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(Water sputters from tap, dishes clink)

- Women will have achieved true equality

when men share with them the responsibility

of bringing up the next generation.

(Applause)

(Escalator whirrs)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

friends and family,

Elaine Heywood was the kindest,

most generous woman anyone in this room's ever met.

¶¶¶

¶ I knew a gal ¶

¶ Who never complained ¶

- Wow! (Laughs)

Nailed it!

You just like,

that just totally captured Mom's essence!

That's it!

My Mother was a doormat.

She laid down for people to walk all over her.

Slammin' the door in her face.

Wiping their feet on her mouth.

My Mother never said a word.

- What do you want? - What do I want?

I want a non-shitty, three-dimensional eulogy.

And nylons.

(in unison) It's too hot in here.

Short Cassandra: Take off your stupid, puffy coat.

("O Christmas Tree" plays)

(Footsteps thud)

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- Oof!

(Low hum of chatter)

- Excuse me? Hi.

Uh, where are the nylons?

- What colour? We have tinted, or nude?

Butterscotch and chocolate.

There's oatmeal, there's mochaccino,

but non-fat for me, please.

- Abort! - You want Spanx?

- Crotchless? - You don't know.

Okay, why don't you just... come with me.

- Sure.

Tall Cassandra: You know what? - What?

- I'm rethinking the nylons thing.

- Yeah?

- This is my homage to Mom.

- It's beautiful!

- I'm not high enough on your body.

- Really becoming. Reminds me of her.

Really, really nice. - Got detailing.

It's got ruching. Also, the bow.

- Oh yeah, the ruching really gives you flavourful.

- It's not high enough, though. I need something higher.

Short Cassandra: Funeral veil? Appropriate?

- Theme wear, baby. Funeral appropriate?

- Mom loved a theme. - Too soon, maybe?

- Yeah, too soon.

Oh shit. I lost the lady.

Hello?

- Hey, check it out. Mom actually had one of these.

"Gerta's Girdles help you curb your curves,

from waist to hip."

Maybe we need to get one.

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- (Slow happy exhale)

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- Excuse me, sir, you're so tall.

I can't quite... would you mind reaching.

- Sure, of course. Which colour would you like?

- I don't know. What colour do you think?

- Uh...

burgundy seems to suit you.

- Burgundy, it is. - Okay.

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Short Cassandra: Maybe we need to get one.

Tummy tamer. Spanxerator.

(Footsteps thud away)

(Change room door squeaks open and closed)

(Lock clicks)

(Child crying in the distance, low hum of music)

(Change room door squeaks open and closed)

(Knocks)

Short Cassandra: Did I go too far? Sorry.

Just let me in.

- (Under breath) No wonder she was so fucked up.

- What? What are you talking-- - Shut up! God!

I just need a second and get my head straight!

- Don't be a dick! Open the door!

(Lock clicks, door squeaks)

(Door closes, lock clicks)

- What? - Just think about it.

I never saw Mom eat a French fry.

- Okay.

- Like, not in my entire life,

did I ever see Mom even taste a fry.

She didn't order them,

because she didn't wanna get fat.

- Everything okay in her, sweetheart?

Can I get you anything? A bigger size?

A control top? They hide a multitude of sins.

- No uh,

I don't need that.

Tall Cassandra: She couldn't just like,

have a glass of wine. She had to have a white wine spritzer.

And I never saw her eat a croissant, ever.

- What's that? - Uh, thanks, Shirley.

I'm just practicing a speech.

- Oh, a speech. That is super exciting!

What for?

- Trying to write a eulogy.

For my Mom.

- Oh, sweetheart.

I'm gonna come in, okay?

(Lock clicks)

I'm gonna give you a hug. - I'm okay.

- I know what you need. - I'm good.

- Please, come to Shirley. Come on.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

("We wish you a Merry Christmas" plays)

- (Sighs)

Shirley: What about the nylons?

(in unison) Fuck nylons.

(Mannequin legs tumble and thud)

(Door opens)

(Newspaper rustles)

- Hey, I wrote this!

- Loser. - (Laughs)

- Who's a loser? - Oh, I just-

I wrote this piece about this woman,

so her first novel is nominated for a Giller,

and she just won

the June-fucking-Callwood Social Justice Award,

and she's only 32 years old.

So then I ask her about her personal life,

because my editor is always like,

"get some more like, relatable, personal stuff."

So, she shows me this photo of her foxy,

McFox husband,

who she met on an aid mission in Haiti,

and I'm not making this up... - Of course she did.

- and, he's the chief caregiver of their two,

like stupidly good-looking children.

- Why not?

Are you gonna submit it to the award thingy?

- No.

- I'm gonna send it in for you.

(Newspaper rustles)

- Hey...

lookin' pretty good from up here.

- Go fuck yourself. - Thanks.

- Jesus.

¶¶¶

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¶¶¶

Short Cassandra: Gotta get some snacks.

- Cheese cubes.

Stuff on toothpicks.

- Fruit platters?

- Melons, goddamn fuckin'...

- Know what people love?

- melons overload. - They love shrimp.

- Shrimp rings. - Chocolates?

- Uh... - Too optimistic?

(Overwhelmed groaning)

PA announcer: Tuna's on sale for 99 cents a can,

maximum four cans. Isle two.

(Phone buzzes)

Tuna's on sale for 99 cents.

(Phone buzzes)

Chris: Hey, Cassie. Oh, honey.

- Hi, Dad. - How you holdin' up?

- Fine.

- You know, one of the last things that she said to me

was that she felt like a queen

- (Sorrowful sighs) - two times in her life.

After giving birth to you...

and your brother.

PA announcer: Can I get a manager, cash four?

- Yeah.

- (Sniffles) I'm in the grocery store, Dad.

- Oh Lutz, so much to do. Yeah.

Aunt Jane's got the church and burial plot.

I know she really appreciates all you're doing.

I just... I just got off the phone with Dan.

Sweetheart, look...

do you really think that it's the best idea

for you to do the eulogy?

With what happened... - Dad, I'm doing it. Okay?

- at the Christmas party. - I'm doing it. I'm the--

- Cassie... - I'm the eldest.

I'm the writer. - Cassie, listen to me.

- Sorry, one second.

Hi. (Small chuckle)

Excuse me.

Hi, you're tall.

(Both chuckle)

- Wow, he's so tall.

- Do you think you could reach one of those?

- These ones? - Yeah.

- Yeah, they're just really high.

They're really high up there.

- Yeah, yeah, keep 'em coming.

- (Giggles)

Which kinds do you like?

(Tin rattles)

- One more. Chris: Cassie?

- Oh my God, so helpful. - Cass, are you there, honey?

- Dad, I'm doing it! Okay? Danny can't do it.

He hates public speaking.

Do you remember the debate puking?

(Chris laughs) - Imagine eulogy puking.

- Cassandra, no. - Hey, we got shrimp rings!

Tell Mona there's shrimp rings.

- Dad, I'm at the checkout, okay, so...

- Cassie, it's not a good idea! - You're cutting out.

- Fish crackers.

- Sweetheart, it's not a good idea.

- Dad, I'm gonna make it good, okay? Bye.

Ugh. (Cart rattles)

(Exhales)

Hi, everybody.

You know...

actually, my Mother...

was a strong-willed person.

(Groans)

Not everybody got to see that side of her.

She was the smartest woman I ever met.

And... (Scoffs)

so stubborn.

My mother...

was a fuckin' rock star!

- Yeah.

- She had kids. She had an education.

She had a divorce.

She didn't need a man to get through life.

- Yeah. Sharper.

- She worked hard to get where she got!

- Come on, give her teeth! - She pumped out two kids.

She sacrificed her life for ours!

- Deeper! - She was Shira!

¶ Yeah! ¶ - She was Xena!

¶ Ow! ¶ - She was...

Joan of fucking Arc!

¶ Mama, Mama, Mama! ¶

¶ She was a diva ¶ (Ow)

¶ She ran the show ¶ (Ooh)

¶ Mama! ¶

¶ A hungry lion ¶ (Ooh)

¶ She could bite ¶ (Ooh)

¶ My Mama always told me ¶

¶ Baby, baby, baby ¶

¶ You've got the power ¶

¶ She was strong and tough ¶

¶ She was fierce and rough ¶

¶ She worked it, she could give it ¶

¶ Give it, give it, give it, give it, give it ¶

¶ WOW! ¶

¶ Mama-a-a-a-a ¶

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- (Small chuckle, tired panting)

- You're making her sound like some sort of a,

I don't know, heartless... - Bitch?

Ah.

Ball-buster!

A... nasty woman!

Feminist!

Oh no, wait, I got one! I got one! I got one!

Cunt. - Okay, enough.

This isn't about you.

(in unison) It's about Mom.

I know!

- (Scoffs)

Whatever.

- Wait! The snacks!

- Ugh.

Fine, get the snacks, then I get the flowers.

- And I have to write the eulogy.

- I know I have to write the eulogy.

First to buy the snacks, then I'll get the flowers,

then I'll write the eulogy.

- Snacks, then the fuckin' flowers.

(Bike rattles)

(Streetcar rumbles, bell dings)

- Whoa! Jesus.

(Bike rattles, bag rasps) (Truck horn sounds)

(Bike crashes) - Agh!

Fuck!

(Siren wails in the distance)

Short Cassandra: Just leave it!

The light's green! - Ah!

The fucking wheel is bent!

I'm getting a drink.

- I need a drink.

(Traffic rumbles by)

¶¶¶

¶ Singing a fool ¶

- (Clears throat) Can I have another?

- Yeah.

(Alcohol burbles in glass)

¶ Listen... ¶

¶ Missed her chance ¶

¶ She missed the boat ¶

¶ Her song unsung ¶

¶ The words untold ¶

¶ As days prepared ¶

¶ She'll never know ¶

- Mom, I said just spelling and grammar!

- I just... I just made it flow better.

There were so many great ideas,

but they were just out of order.

They're still your thoughts.

- "Her unassuming demeanour betrayed an internal landscape

as vast and mournful as any ancient poet."

Really, Mom?

¶¶¶

- Can I have another one? - Yeah.

(Bottles clink)

(Alcohol burbles in glass)

You want something' to eat with that, sweetheart?

(in unison) Yeah.

- I'm hungry.

- Some fries? (in unison) No.

- I've got a deluxe pickled egg, olive...

(Footsteps thud away)

(Door closes)

- The thing is, is I don't like French fries.

I don't like them.

But I order them.

And I order them so that people see me ordering them,

and they know that I don't care about getting fat.

- Okay, no more French fries.

- I don't like fries!

But if there's a guy around,

I order them so that he knows I'm not like,

one of those girls, and that I'm cool,

and I get it, and she, like that girl,

she could stay.

Jake: We paid $25 a lap dance.

Well, the brunette says,

"I don't dance for money", and then she storms out.

The redhead says,

"I don't dance for less than a $100 a dance."

She storms out.

The blonde says, "I can't afford $25,

how 'bout if I give you $5 now,

and blow you for the rest?" (Cassandra laughs)

- Uncle Jake, my Mom's right here.

- Sorry, ladies.

- You clearly don't get it! It's like everything.

It's everywhere.

- I got one, I got one, I got one.

What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?

- I dunno. - Toilet doesn't wanna cuddle

after you dropped your load in it.

- Oh! - (Laughter)

- Cass. Cass.

Not cool.

- Come on! It's just a joke!

Lighten up, Roxanne!

(Knock on door)

- Just a second!

(Gasping for air)

- Can I use the toilet?

- I need a fuckin' second, dude!

Fuck!

(Screaming, rips paper)

(Loud, frustrated banging)

(Emotional exhales)

(Traffic rumbles by)

- (Groans)

(Keys tap)

- What am I doing?

I've gotta write the eulogy.

- I guess I've gotta change everything about myself,

and everybody else.

- (Scoffs) Yeah, right.

And shampoo the unicorn.

- You're the boss of this.

(Indistinct chatter)

(Siren wails in distance)

Dude!

Stop pushing me around!

- Stop pushing you around?

What are you... what?

What?

(Grunting)

(Effort grunts, light screams)

(Doorbell buzzes)

(Lock buzzes open)

(Door creaks)

(Footsteps thud on stairs)

- Cassie.

What is it?

Come in. Sit.

What's going on?

- My Mom died.

- Oh my God. Cass.

What...what happened?

- (Sniffles)

Can we have sex?

(Laughs) Sorry, it's so weird.

- No, it's not weird.

Are you sure that's what you want, though?

- Feel like I'm fucked up,

and I wanna get outta my head.

- Or do you wanna talk about it?

I know you're tough and all that, but...

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Hey, are you still taking a break from relationships?

- Yeah. - Well, I-I don't know.

- Okay. (Both laugh)

Let's get you outta that head,

into that body.

(Laughs)

- I don't have a condom.

- What, so just the old pull and pray method, then?

- Yeah. I'll name her after Mom.

- My God, this is sick.

- It's not sick, it'll just be me, and little Elaine.

(Floorboards creak)

(Package crinkles)

Ah...

(Moaning)

Short Cassandra: You know, I think almost every word

I've ever written, while I was writing it,

I was wondering what a man would think when he read it.

- (Heavy breathing)

- No, really, not just any man.

- Shut up!

I gotta focus!

- I picture someone who a lot of people respect.

And I imagine what he's thinking

while he's reading it.

While I'm writing.

What is this? Turn over?

- I've gotta focus!

- What are those dangly things, udders? Turn over!

- Jesus! Shut up!

- And if there are no men around,

I imagine there are cameras. (Shutter clicks)

With men behind the cameras, spying on me.

Imagined how I looked to them.

A girl who doesn't even know she's being looked at.

- (Moaning)

Come on, where'd you learn that?

Sounds fake! Be more natural!

Jesus!

- Oh, and that sex face might be confused

with your where's my other sock, face.

Just an observation.

(Shutter clicks)

(Moaning)

(Shutter clicks rapidly)

- I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't, I'm too distracted.

Fuck. (Sighs)

- It's okay.

Hey, it's okay.

Hey.

(Cassandra sobs)

¶¶¶

(Elaine reads) And then the beast said, "No..."

(Cassandra sobs)

"...you will never leave this castle..."

(Cassandra sobs)

"No, you will never leave this castle,"

and off the beast stalked in a rage.

However, a little later he returned

and spoke solemnly to Beauty,

"If you swear that you will return in seven days time,

I'll let you go and visit your father."

Beauty threw herself at the beast's feet in delight.

"I swear! I swear I will!

How kind you are!

You've made a loving daughter so happy!"

- Okay so, a guy traps a girl,

way younger than he is, obviously,

in a cage,

and when he finally lets her out,

she throws herself at his feet, in delight,

screamin' about what a nice guy he is.

- Do you have to ruin everything?

- He's an abusive, by definition, beast,

but if she just keeps loving,

and loving this asshole,

for who he is,

then he'll stop abusing her,

she'll get her greatest and only aspiration,

which is marriage...

- I liked being a princess, okay?

- and he'll be magically transformed into a generous,

respectful, non-rapey prince.

This is the uh, gist of the story?

- Ah, but...

¶¶¶

(Elaine reads) "Each night, through Beauty's conversations

with the beast, she was amazed to discover..."

- It's okay.

It's okay.

- Aw, blotchy face.

¶¶¶

(Water drips into sink)

(Rustles in bag)

(Clank)

(Door opens and closes)

(Light footsteps thud)

¶¶¶

¶¶¶

(Bike dings)

(Streetcar rumbles by)

Salesperson: Tiger lilies. - No.

- Calla lilies? - No.

- Roses, pink? - I'm not goin' pink.

- She liked pink. - I can't go pink, '

'cause then everybody at the funeral is gonna think--

(Phone buzzes)

Fuck.

Hi, Aunt Jane. I'm just at the florist.

- Oh yeah, that's wonderful.

How you holdin' up? You okay? - I'm fine.

- Honey, listen, I have one more special job for you.

Would you go to the house,

and would you pick out a dress for her to wear?

I think actually you're the only person

who could do this job. - Um...

- Yeah, that's wonderful. That's great.

That is so good of you, sweetie,

and I think it's a really, really important thing.

And um, I just got off the phone with Danny,

and him, and your Dad, and I all agree that the eulogy,

hon, it's just not a good idea.

I think that's it's just gonna be too much for you,

you know what I'm saying? - I'm doing it.

- Why, honey? Because of the Christmas party?

- Yes, it...

it-it has to be me. - Okay, why?

- Tulips? - Please, Cassie...

- Aunt Jane, I gotta go. I'm in the middle of this.

I'll see you tomorrow. - Cassie, I think that this--

(Call ends)

Shit.

- Um, no.

- Sunflowers? What's the occasion?

- A funeral. - Were they close?

- My Mother.

- I'm sorry, you lost your Mother.

- Yeah. (in unison) Shit.

- Thank you.

¶¶¶

(Strumming guitar)

¶ Would you pick blue cornflower ¶

¶ Say there is just somethin' about her ¶

¶ Would you find another beauty clear to see ¶

¶ I know ¶

¶ Never dream of me ¶

(Pills rattle)

¶ If you'll have me ¶

¶ Maybe I could change to a purple rose ¶

¶ That's not how it goes ¶

¶ It's just cornflower me ¶

¶ Would you pick a blue cornflower ¶

(Strumming guitar)

(Humming)

(Plays final cords)

- What album is that from?

- Oh, it's not really a song.

- What does that mean? I just heard it.

- It's...I was...

fiddling around...

to Joni-tuning.

- Come on, Mom, give yourself some credit.

- For what?

For giving you a broken home?

And me a failed marriage?

And, wonder of wonders, a failed career.

A triple... no,

trifecta of shit.

- Mom, we're still a family,

just the living arrangements have changed.

Just 'cause a marriage is shorter than others

doesn't mean it wasn't good, it was just shorter.

A novel isn't less good because it has fewer pages, right?

(Elaine chuckles)

- Plus, humans used to die at the age of 40.

Now we get several lives,

lots of relationships.

(Elaine chuckles)

And, the career thing...

Yeah, I mean...

Salesperson: What about white lilies, then?

- Um, do you have any um,

blue flowers?

- We have some dried flowers in the back.

- Perfect.

- Are you sure you don't want something more like, alive?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

Um, I don't know, five bouquets?

- No, seven. - Seven bouquets.

Here-here's the address of the church.

It's uh, tomorrow morning. - Tomorrow?

- Mhm. Yeah.

(Footsteps thud)

Short Cassandra: Gotta go get the dress.

- What am I gonna say?

She made pie. She was a hard-ass.

Yeah, right.

- Pick out a dress for my Mom to wear in her coffin.

¶¶¶

(Streetcar rumbles by)

¶¶¶

¶¶¶

¶¶¶

¶¶¶

(Footsteps thud)

(Traffic rumbles by)

(Brakes squeal)

(Footsteps thud)

(Newspaper rustles)

(Door slams shut)

(Closet door rasps)

Cassandra: Did you see it? Elaine: See it?

I bought five copies!

It's brilliant. You're brilliant.

I learned so much.

(Pills rattle)

And you're totally right about that first paragraph.

- Did you see I kept your thing about the ego?

- Yeah, that worked well.

- You like the shot? Aaron took it.

- Oh yeah, it's beautiful.

I'm not sure brown's your colour.

- (Sighs)

- I mean, it's a completely beautiful shot.

- Thanks, Mom. I gotta go.

¶¶¶

Mom: Hi, Cassie, I'm not feeling very well.

It's like my heart is...

racing,

but I'm very tired.

Dizzy. Can't be hot flashes,

because I'm done with all that business.

Anyway,

I'm blathering on here.

And I'm sure you're doing something very important.

I just love you so much, chickadee.

I hope you know that.

911 operators: 911, what is your emergency?